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This is the time of year when school gets a little tougher, you feel busy

all the time and the end of the semester isn’t in sight. The quiet room starts getting more people studying on Friday nights, and the circles under students’ eyes darken. School, sports, clubs, community service, etc., take up so much of our time that we can’t even watch quality television

programming such as “Glee.”We at the Backpage

interviewed a senior who has experienced this time of year a lot. His philosophy on this time of year is “screw this, man”—no more, no less. “I can either spend a week working on my English paper trying to get an A or I can hang out with my friends, get drunk, write a mediocre paper the night before it’s due and get

a B. I typically choose the latter.”He continued, but I

stopped listening. And caring. Thanksgiving break is two weeks away, and professors don’t want to grade papers, so why should we write them? Are students even reading this? I’ll take a PBR. And maybe some karaoke at the Golden Horse or a vacation. I hear Belize is nice this time of year.

Just anything but working.

THE “I DON’T CARE” ISSUEBackpage investigates apathy, discovers no one gives a shit

Joe BloggzProfessor Whitman

The Bible and Stuff

In the Bible, God acts as a benevolent figure, but not really, ’cause I really don’t wanna write this encounters paper. In the name of all that is holy, how the f*$% am I gonna put this piece of crap together? The reasons for his benevolence are shown in Luke 5:12, but I really don’t feel like finding an appropriate quote, let alone citing it in the correct MLA format. Jesus Christ, that’s a lot of freaking effort. One comma in the wrong place, and the whole thing’s screwed up. Back to the thesis—I don’t really have any cohesive statement of any significance whatsoever. Honestly, I’d rather be doing anything else. Gimme those Mastering Chem problems—I’ll do 50 of them. Oh damn, I guess this essay is worth 30 percent of my semester grade. Daaaang. If only I had any insight into this passage whatsoever! Perhaps I can make some unsubstantiated claims. Shoot, maybe my SA is here. Nope, it’s 3 a.m. Well, lemme just scatter some textual evidence all over this shizz. Argggh.

Things I’d gladly be doing besides homework

A Failed Attempt at an Encounters Paper

ILLUSTRATION BY “BACKPAGE” JOHNSON

Letter from the Puzzle SlutHey guys,I came to a realization, sometime between playing Words with Friends (which I discovered can now be accessed over

Facebook) and doing a word search, that I’m not really feeling it this week. I really couldn’t care less right now. I tried (as you will see), but it’s just that time of year where I just want to sleep in front of the fire in the quiet room.

This time of the year is like Thunderdome. Two enter: my work ethic and my inherent laziness. Only one leaves. I think you can guess which one won.

Half-hearted, apathetic love,—Adam “Riding on a Tidal Wave of Whiskey on a Surfboard made of Don’t Care” Brayton

oLGPUH

DEUNNRG

Does Adam Care?

Dear Editor,

I am writing to you in response to a recent article in the school paper, I think you call it The Pioneer or something. Anyways, I just wanted to counter what the Backpage article was saying about how people are reading the paper. I don’t know a single person who reads this monstrosity! It’s an eyesore in my opinion. I only read it out of pity for all that misplaced time students put into writing for your “paper.” It’s a shame, I’m afraid. The age of papers is dead; just look at the Occupy Wall Street thing. Everyone and their grandma knows that all those people are protesting about how bad the Wall Street Journal has become, and the Wall Street Journal is pretty good as far as newspapers go. So why even bother when nobody actually cares? Who are you trying to kid? Just give it up now and you’ll still look classy, my lowly friend. In short, I’m writing this to help you, not to criticize you. So take heed of my priceless advice and don’t deny it any longer, or forever be haunted by the fact that nobody actually reads this stuff.

Sincerely,

A Disillusioned Student

Letter to the Editor

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It’s that time of year, people. You know what I’m talking about. When you’ve got ACRES of homework to do and ENDLESS exams to study for . . . but you

just can’t bring yourself to care. Somehow, you always seem to have loads of other things to be doing. I have condensed all the things I’d rather be doing besides homework into the following comprehensive list:

COMPREHENSIVE LIST

1. Shave a teddy bear

2. Give birth to a porcupine

3. Give birth to a rhinoceros

4. Write my article for The Pio

5. Give birth to a triceratops

6. Watch reruns of “Gilligan’s Island”

7. Learn sword-swallowing through trial and error

8. Listen to the CD in my section bathroom labeled “Enya / Gregorian Chant Mix Yo! :)”

9. Get a paper cut. ON MY RETINA.

10. Stand in a room full of feminists and scream, “MAN UP!!”

11. Do a 1000-piece puzzle entitled “Nothin’ But Clear, Blue Sky”

12. Read my MLA Handbook front to back. And then back to front.

13. Listen to “Love the Way You Lie” yet again OH MY COW I HATE THAT SONG SO MUCH

14. Read Twilight fanfiction

15. Go on a date with Voldemort (AWKWARD HUG TIME)

ILLUSTRATION BY KAER