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When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life
} Your physical, emotional, and spiritual “property lines” that define what is “you” and “not you”
} Laws of Boundaries: ◦ 1. The Law of Sowing & Reaping ◦ 2. The Law of Responsibility ◦ 3. The Law of Power ◦ 4. The Law of Respect ◦ 5. The Law of Motivation ◦ 6. The Law of Evaluation ◦ 7. The Law of Proactivity ◦ 8. The Law of Envy ◦ 9. The Law of Activity ◦ 10. The Law of Exposure
} Myth #1 – If I Set Boundaries, I’m Being Selfish – distinguish between selfishness and stewardship – your needs are your responsibility
} Myth #2 – Boundaries Are a Sign of Disobedience – if you can’t say no, you can’t really say yes – if you say yes when you really mean no, you’re effectively lying – God judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart, outward compliance is not enough
} Myth #3 – If I Begin Setting Boundaries, I Will Be Hurt by Others – Boundaries are a “litmus test” for the quality of our relationships – those who respect our boundaries truly love us
} Myth #4 – If I Set Boundaries, I Will Hurt Others – Boundaries are a defensive tool – they do not control, attack, or harm anyone
} Myth #5 – Boundaries Mean That I Am Angry – Anger signals danger, and energizes us to protect ourselves, those we love, and our principles – mature boundaries limit the need for anger
} Myth #6 – When Others Set Boundaries, It Injures Me – If you want others to respect your boundaries, you must be willing to respect theirs – understand why accepting the boundaries of others is such a problem
} Myth #7 –Boundaries Cause Feelings of Guilt – Do not confuse the issues of gratitude and boundaries – you do not owe something simply because you’ve received something
} Myth #8 – Boundaries Are Permanent, and I’m Afraid of Burning My Bridges – your “no” is always subject to you – boundaries can be renegotiated
1. What is your attitude toward your own needs? Are your needs bad? Selfish? A luxury? Things that God or others should provide for you? Have you ever not wanted what you needed?
2. Why does it make sense that setting limits might put you in touch with some feelings of anger? Do you let yourself experience anger? How do you deal with it? Can anger be your ally?
3. Where have feelings of obligation prevented you from setting boundaries? What were the consequences?
4. Whose boundaries do you have trouble respecting? Who has trouble respecting your boundaries? What does this suggest to you about either of these relationships?
