When to Avoid Confrontation

 

The first rule for successful Conflict Resolution is to deal with conflict head-on rather than avoid it. There are however exceptional situations, when avoiding a confrontation is the best option. No doubt it is a difficult world with difficult people, and our chances of getting into a confrontation is very probable. When a conflict is with people that we work with or live with it is best to resolve it rather than leave it to fester. However many times, confrontations occur with strangers on the roads, streets or public places like banks, airports, restaurants etc., when small arguments escalate into violent fights. These are the times when confrontation is best avoided.

HOW DO YOU REACT?

What will your reaction be if an aggressive driver overtakes you dangerously on the highway? Choose from the following reactions:

1. I level up to his car and make hand gestures at the person who overtook me.

2. I roll down my window and yell at the person.

3. I swear at the person to vent my anger.

4. I try to overtake the person, it’s only fair.

5. I get extremely angry and annoyed and speed up and start driving like crazy.

6. I ignore the person who overtook me and keep on driving calmly.

 Although point #6 may seem the most obvious thing to do, how many of us will actually ignore and keep driving? Instead we let the incident rob us of our peace and sanity and impair our driving skills. This results in an out-of-control driver, which is a perfect recipe for an automobile accident and possibly serious injuries or even death.

This is the kind of situation we need to be on our guard for and learn to avoid a confrontational reaction.

Other such situations where confrontation could be best avoided are – when accosted with rude behavior by strangers in a public place. All of us are familiar with people who try to jump queues with impunity. Whether it is at airport check-ins, supermarkets, banks, post office or cinema  either they get away by giving

excuses about being late or aggressively elbow their way in shamelessly, heedless of the protests being voiced by the others in the queue. 

If someone steps ahead of you in a crowded fast food restaurant exercise caution in how you respond, there is a remote possibility that the person could  genuinely not be aware that there was a queue. You could try pointing out politely that there was a queue there. If the person still insists on elbowing his/her way in, try to keep your composure, and get your point across in a manner that will not cause any trouble Some rude and boorish people can be highly volatile. If the person gets offensive you could point this out without raising your voice. Many times, the situation subsides when they realize their behaviour is offensive. He might turn quiet, speak more calmly, and become reasonable.

 But most of the times it's not as easy as this. Irrational people do exist and they would stay rude no matter how calm and polite you are in handling the situation. There is no point in confronting such a person and engaging in a futile argument especially since you have been polite and reasonable. If you feel that the rude person wouldn't be easy to handle then just retreat. Letting your own emotions get in the way will not help matters, in fact trying to win the argument will add to your time in the queue.

There will be many such times when we come across annoying and irritating people in public places. These people just get on our nerves and make us so furious that we are even willing to lose our face in public just to express our anger and frustration at their behavior. This is when one needs to keep ones cool and ignore the person, take a light view of it and move on.  

Here are a few important guidelines to deal with such situations:

The most important rule is stay calm. No matter how annoying the situation. In such situations anger is the last thing that will help you. Anger impairs our judgment and clouds our rational thinking. 

If you can’t stay calm walk  Stay in control. Accept the fact that when you are dealing with people specially strangers not everyone will live up to your expectations all of the times. Instead of overreacting when someone is rude to you look for opportunities to be nice to someone else, to reinforce your own values of courtesy. Do not let someone’s behavior control your reactions.

Maintain a sense of humor. Remember how hysterically people behave when they are upset and how comical it can be. Don’t let your behavior provide comic relief to others. 

If you would like further personalized help to manage your anger do use our counselling service.