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When Conflicts Arise
Conflict is an inevitable part of our lives, a common
misconception regardingconflict is that Harmony is Normaland
Conflictis Abnormal. In fact
individual differences are a norm rather than an exception. When
we acceptthe fact that people are bound to have differing points of
view then we have toagree that conflicts are also normal.
A Conflict in itself is not a problem but when a conflict is
poorly managed iswhen it becomes a problem At times a minor
conflict can transform into amajor problem because of how it is
handled or rather mishandled.
The fact is that many times the resolution of a conflict can
result in a closerbond between two people or a more complete
understanding of an issue by a
group.
How you approach conflict could make your life tougher or easier
for you. Here
are some suggestions to explore how to handle conflict:
1. When confronted by an angry or hostile person, take a moment
toconsider your response, rather than reacting in the same way or
beingdefensive.
2. When a conflicting situation arises try to see your part in
the situation
and be willing to take responsibility for it instead of blaming
others ordenying any responsibility.
3. During the conflict stay with the issue do not try to change
the subject or
bring up the past.
4. Listen to others with an open mind and be prepared to explore
different
options for resolutions instead of insisting on your way.
5. Ask for clarification when you dont understand something,
rather than
jumping to conclusions about what is being said.
6. Establish boundaries during conflicts and do not allow anyone
to verballyor physically abuse you.
7. When resolution cant be reached be willing to consult a
neutral person to
help resolve the situation.
8. Remember conflicts are not going to disappear by trying to
avoid or
downplaying them. The fact is, unresolved conflicts make people
terribly
unhappy at work.
9. Most important it is incorrect to think that winning a
conflict will buy youpeace. You can never win in a conflict you can
only resolve it.
Getting things the way you want regardless of what the other
person wantedmay give you a sense of control and gratification but
will not solve the issuewhich will simply reappear later. Therefore
rather than winning our aim shouldbe to resolve the conflict.
Lets take the case of Sanchita and her Manager. The Manager
would like allemployees reporting at 9 am rather than the usual
9.30am. Sanchita has to
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drop her child to school and since the implementation of the new
schedule, hascome in late a couple of times. The manager gets the
impression that Sanchitais deliberately not following the revised
work schedule. The 2 possibleoutcomes of this situation could be as
follows:
# 1 The Manager confronts Sanchita showing his annoyance
veryplainly.Sanchita who was already under pressure trying her best
to adjust to
the new work schedule felt that the manager was being
unreasonable andunfair and became defensive. The Manager in turn
tried to tell her who the
boss was. After the discussion the manager felt Sanchita was
lazy andindisciplined while Sanchita felt her Boss was biased
against her .The situationgot worse, and on rare occasions when
Sanchita was a few minutes late theboss was unreasonably critical
of her tardiness. Sanchita felt angry andfrustrated and started
taking longer coffee breaks and reporting sick moreoften .And
inevitably the other staff got sucked into the conflict with
the
situation becoming increasingly polarized. And soon what was
initially just aperception became a reality; the Manager did not
lose an opportunity to get
back at Sanchita while she acted lazy and uncaring.
Outcome: The original issue was all but forgotten as they
developed intensedislike of each other.
# 2 Rather than trying to prove that he is the BOSS the
Managerapproaches Sanchita and clearly articulates the reason why
he wants the staffin at 9am she in turn shares her difficulty with
him. After discussing andunderstanding each others needs they try
to approach the problem with theintention of solving rather than
trying to be one up. They realize that thenumber of calls to be
handled at nine are not many and can be easily handledby the other
staff who prefer to be in at 9am. While between 5-7pm there aremany
calls which could be handled by Sanchita if she stayed back in lieu
of
coming later. The working hours are modified to suit all and the
situation isresolved amicably with no losers or winners.
Outcome: Sanchita is happy and appreciative of her Manager. The
Managergets a happier and more productive employee. These benefits
were anoutcome of the conflict well resolved .
The benefits would never have occurred if this conflict hadn't
occurred, or ifeither party played the situation as if it was a
game to be won by one personor the other.
Conflicts arise not only at workplace but even in relationships
or at home, and
can become unpleasant and hurt relationships, example: I want to
save for a car she wants to go on a vacation I want to spend time
with my family and friends he wants us to spend
time only with each other. I want to send the children to a
school close to the house she prefers the
fancy school a little away from home
He always messes the house I am tired of doing all the work. And
soon
However if handled effectively these conflicts can help us to
enrich and deepen
our relationship and get to know ourselves and each other
better.
If you are finding it difficult to handle conflicts at work or
at home, counselling
can help. Please do not hesitate to contact our counsellors,
either online, face-to-face or on the telephone.
