What You Can Learn About God Through Children

8/3/2019 What You Can Learn About God Through Children

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What You CanLearn About

God ThroughChildrena chainbooks publication

Chapter 1 written by Brooke Williams

Chapter 2 written by Theresa FrohlichChapter 3 written by Chrystal LewisChapter 4 written by Jordan Williams

Chapter 5 written by September McCollumChapter 6 written by Vicki Miller



Chapter 1

When I had my daughter in 2009, I had no idea how much she would teach me. Herewas this being, totally dependent on me for everything, and I ended up learning more

than I taught. I had to feed her, clothe her, bathe her and tend to her every need. Ishowed her how to walk, taught her how to talk, and gave her every minute of time sheneeded. And yet she taught me more about God than I had learned in my many yearsas a Christian.! I gave my life to Christ at the young age of 14. At that time, things finally clickedfor me. I understood what it was all about and all I wanted to do was live right andglorify God. But at 14, what do you truly understand? I knew the basics and that wasenough. Now that I am a mother, I feel like my connection to God through my child is somuch deeper than it ever was before. There are many more levels to my understandingnow, thanks to my daughter.! Kids can teach adults so much through their innocence, their way of looking at

things, their faith, and just their overall existence. We, as adults, simply have to listen.If we look for it, our kids are constantly showing us things that they themselves have noway of understanding just yet.! Though my daughter is only 2, she has taught me plenty about God, how Herelates to us, how He loves us, and how He sees us. I am grateful for my daughter formany different reasons. Her lessons on God are one of those reasons.

Patience

! Any parent knows that patience is a key to parenting. There is no child that is

perfectly behaved at all times. In fact, most of them seem to know when is the perfecttime to misbehave and they take full advantage of it any chance they get. Patience is avirtue and the Bible talks about it at length. We read about the patience of parentstrying to conceive, the patience of Noah and his family on the ark, the patience of Jesustending to his flock and many other examples. Reading about it is quite different thanputting it into action. It doesnʼt seem like that big of a deal for Bible characters towander the desert for years, waiting their promised land, but if we want our child to dosomething now and they donʼt, itʼs an immediate frustration.! I first encountered a lesson of patience when my daughter Kaelyn was veryyoung. She was not the ideal sleeper. She slept great when she was being held, butany parent will tell you, you cannot hold your baby forever. There are other things going

on in your life that need tending and the only time you have to tend to them is when thebaby is asleep. !

! When Kaelyn was 6 months old, I finally got tired of holding her all the time whenshe was sleeping. I was tired myself and it was hard to take a nap when I was in anawkward position trying to keep her comfortable. It was hard to get the bills done, takea shower, or do anything else, for that matter. I began working on getting her to sleepon her own.



! Many parents simply let their children cry at this stage, but my heart was way toosoft for that and I couldnʼt do it. I devised a new plan. I would help Kaelyn go to sleepin my arms and then when she seemed to be pretty well out, I would dump her in bed.The plan worked, when executed correctly, but there were days when it was stillcomplicated.!

One such day occurred when I was visiting my parents around Thanksgiving. Iwent a few days early to spend more time around other people and get a few morebreaks from my new duties as a mom. My husband planned to follow right before theholiday.! On the day of his arrival, I was bouncing Kaelyn asleep in her room in theirhouse. She didnʼt like rocking in a rocking chair, that was too comfortable for me. No,she wanted me to be up and bouncing if there was any hope of her falling asleep. Aftershe fell asleep, I placed her in bed, only to have her eyes pop back open instantly. Iwould pick her up again and begin the bouncing process all over. This occurred fourtimes that day. The fourth time when she woke in bed, looked at me, realized shewasnʼt being bounced, and began to cry, I threw my hands up over my head, made fists

and shook the frustration out with clenched teeth.! It was that exact instant that my husband arrived at the house and opened thedoor to her bedroom. He didnʼt see the hour I had just spent trying to get her to go tosleep, he just saw the frustration. He quickly closed the door, I repeated the process,and was finally successful.! As I think about this moment now, I realize several things about God. First, Iremind myself that God sees everything. God saw my moment of frustration. He alsosaw everything leading up to it and everything after. When I feel frustration, lose mypatience, have meltdowns and every other not so pleasant moment, God is there. Justwhen you think you are all alone in the world and no one is watching, remember thatGod is. Itʼs that simple. God is.!

While I was embarrassed that my husband saw my frustrating moment, I remindmyself when other such moments occur that even when I think I am alone and haven ʼtbeen caught, God has seen. This sometimes causes me to take another look at thesituation and gather my patience from Him.! Moments of frustration also cause me to think about Godʼs patience for us, hischildren. There are so many times I have disappointed God and, Iʼm sure, caused him

just as much reason to be frustrated. But the difference is, God never throws his handsup at me, He simply gives me another chance. Try again, He says, you can do better.! I used to call myself the most patient person in the world. After having a child, Ino longer believe that about myself. My patience is very limited. Godʼs patience,however, has no limit. No matter what we do, we always have another chance.

Taking Direction

! My daughter is a very smart girl. Before the age of 2, she could understand mostof what we said to her and she would do what you asked. “Hey, Kaelyn,” weʼd say, “turnaround in a circle.” Sheʼd spin until she fell over. “Hey, Kaelyn, go get your shoes.”Sheʼd pick her favorite pair. It was obvious she knew what was going on around her.However, she didnʼt talk herself. Itʼs not that she couldnʼt. I truly believe she chose not



to because she had a language of her own that was working for her. When we saw mysister for Kaelynʼs 2nd birthday, she said it best. She said, itʼs not that Kaelyn doesnʼttalk, she just speaks Chinese. I have to admit, that IS what her language sounds like.! And so, because of the language barrier, I got very good at taking directions.One point of the finger and “Ah” and I would know what she wanted. I get directions all

day every day. What she wants to drink, what shoes she wants to wear, what toy shewants to play with, and even which way turn when driving. I have indeed become veryadept at taking directions.! I have gotten through the first two years of motherhood by taking such directions.When I do what Kaelyn wants and needs, she is a happy girl. It is when I do notunderstand that the trouble begins. When I am around other people and Kaelyn asksfor something, they will sometimes ask, how do you know what she wants? I can simplyanswer, I listen. Of course, itʼs not quite that simple. Yes, I listen to every sound sheutters, but I would never understand unless I was with her all day every day tocorrespond those sounds with the items in the world she might be asking about.! In my thoughts about God, I often ask, what is it that God wants from me? What

is my purpose in the overall plan? In the end, the answer is quite simple. God isspeaking to each and every one of us in a continual manner. But how do weunderstand? We listen. It sounds simple, and, like with Kaelyn, it is and it isnʼt. Yes,we have to listen. But we also have to spend enough time listening to be able todecipher the messages when they come. A new babysitter would never know the gruntshe utters when pointing at a sprinkler means you simply have to tell her what the objectis. Sprinkler! No matter how many times a day she spots one. A new person wouldnever know that when she taps my shoulder, she wants me to give her a ride all overthe house. But, spend enough time with her and youʼll figure it out pretty fast.! The same is true with God. There is no way to interpret His language if we donʼtlisten and there is no way to understand unless we spend time with Him, giving it our all.

Unconditional Love

! You may have noticed that unconditional love is one of the central themes in theBible, but what is it, really? Itʼs easy to ready and talk about unconditional love, butunderstanding it is a completely different matter.! In my studies over the years, I thought I understood unconditional love. It wasthe kind of love God has for us. He loves us no matter what we do. He loves us nomatter what we say. Understanding it and actually experiencing it are two completelydifferent things. Now, thereʼs no way that a human can love in the manner God loves.But I truly believe that the closest we can come to that kind of love is by examining the

love a parent has for her child.! When Kaelyn was born, I wasnʼt the type of mom that was immediately smitten.Sure, I loved her, but this was a new human being that I had never met before. I didnʼtknow anything about her.! And, to top it all off, I really didnʼt know anything about kids in general. I did atiny bit of babysitting growing up, but nothing really to speak of. I had never changed adiaper. I had no younger siblings. I had no younger cousins. I was the baby of thefamily. Overall, I really knew nothing about kids. And then I had one.



! I still canʼt say that I know much and I am the first to admit that I am mostdefinitely making things up as I go along. But as I began to figure out Kaelynʼspersonality along with what worked for her as opposed to what didn ʼt, I fell in love. Iloved her the minute she was born, but not in the way I love her now.! When Kaelyn was born, I loved her because I was her mother and there was an

immediate bond in that. But now, I love her because I choose to love her. And I knowthat there is nothing she can do that would make me stop loving her. Sheʼs stuck withmy love for the rest of her life, for better or for worse.! When a newborn comes into the world, any mother will be struck with theenormity of what lies before them. Before, they took care of their husbands andthemselves. Taking care of a newborn is a whole different story. These beings haveNO capabilities. They can do NOTHING for themselves. A husband may not pick hisclothes up from the floor, but at least he can put them on alone!! Being a human, I believe love is something that comes with time. I love Kaelynmore everyday because of who she is as a person. I will always love her because sheis my daughter, but the unconditional portion of that love has grown since her birth.!

When I think about how I love my daughter, I like to relate it to how God feelsabout us. I know in my head that God has an unconditional love for us, but what doesthat really look like?! There are many things I would do for my daughter. When she gets a cold, all Iwant to do is take it from her. I would much rather be sick myself. When she gets hurt,all I want to do is take the pain from her and inflict it on myself instead. Sound familiar?God feels the same way. In fact, God didnʼt have to wish, He went ahead and did it.God took all of the pain in the world and inflicted it on Himself on the cross in order tofree us from it.! Would I die for my child? You better believe it. When I think of God in thoseterms it is much more understandable that He did the same for each and every one of

us. We ARE Godʼs children. He DOES have that sense of unconditional love for us.

And the best part is, He had that feeling for us the instant we were born. He didnʼt evenneed time to get to know us like I did with Kaelyn. He already knew us…before wewere even born.

Awe and Wonder

! Sometimes I look and Kaelyn and wonder what sheʼs thinking as she seessomething she really likes. Her eyes light up with a joy unlike any other. Wouldnʼt it benice to live with such joy in the most simple things? A plane flying overhead…the hornof a train…going over a big bump in the car. Itʼs the little things that make up the whole

of life. And Kaelyn appreciates them all.! As a jaded adult, I sometimes wish I could feel the joy that Kaelyn feels in thelittle things that life has in store. Now that I have her in my life, I feel like I can. At leasta little bit more. I get almost as excited as she does when I see our neighbor mowing.Free, cheap entertainment! She loves to watch the red tractor go back and forth acrossthe yard as she chatters and points.



! I find myself looking for American flags everywhere we go, just so I can pointthem out to her and see the look on her face. With a child in my life, a sense of aweand wonder has returned because I look at things from her perspective.! The way Kaelyn looks at the world is the way I want to look at God. With a senseof awe and a look of pure joy in my eyes. God is unlike anything I have ever seen and I

want to light up when I think of Him, as Kaelyn does when she sees the fish tanks in thegrocery store and the dogs crossing the streets. With a child like faith, any one of uscan draw closer to God.



Chapter 2

The Art of Letting Go: Confessions of An Empty Nest Mom

After my husband leaves for work, my house is so quiet I can hear a pin drop. There

used to be conversation, laughter, and, at times, fighting. Sometimes the silence is sounbearable that I have to look for a toy or a piece of clothing that belonged to thechildren, to touch these things so I could feel that connection with them. Periodically, Icould feel my eyes well up in tears. Is this what the psychologists call the “Empty NestSyndrome?” Our children, MaryBeth and Jacob, have already been living independentlyfor four years, yet I am still a beginner at this thing called “letting go.” Sometimes Iwonder if moms ever graduate from the school of “letting go.” Learning has always beenimportant of my life; in spite of the years of graduate education, along with all theprofessional designations I have acquired, I am still trying to master the ABCs.Who saidletting go would be easy?

Imagine what God must have felt when he had to drive his First Children, Adam andEve, out of the Garden of Eden. He had to let them go so the human race would havethe option of returning to their heavenly father as redeemed people. Although God nolonger held his children in his nest, he never ceased to hold them in his heart.Letting goof our children is a complex and emotionally charged experience for parents, yet veryfew openly talk about their journey of transitions. We use the metaphor of “emptying thenest” to portray the momentous step of releasing our children from the nest, a metaphorthat is far from being adequate or revealing. The image of the empty nest describes astation in life, a fait accompli, but does not provide any clues to the emotional andrelational dynamics of the family.The animal world has a few lessons for us humanswhen it comes to parenting and launching our children. Bird parents work hard day and

night, feeding their babies and getting them to grow. As soon as the baby birds aremature enough, and often before they can fly, the family moves out of the nest anditinerates to a different location every night because the nest is vulnerable to predatorsand parasites. Another picture from the animal world is the Mama Bear which has beencaring for the cub for over a year. When the time is right, the Mama Bear takes the cubinto the woods, chases the cub up to the tree and leaves. The cub is left to figure out away to get down to the ground and begin his new life as an independent youngadult.Where do humans fall on the spectrum between the Mama Bird and the MamaBear? Isnʼt there a human way of letting go of our children somewhere between thebirds and the bears?

MaryBeth and Jacob, now in their early 20ʼs, were miracle babies conceived with thehelp of a fertility doctor. I treasured those two long-awaited children and I vowed tomake life perfect for them. Making life perfect for them, however, involves beingperpetually in charge and in control. MaryBeth was born with such an independent spiritthat she was pushing for self-determination since she started crawling. This was her firststep of breaking away. Why didnʼt I see that coming? Perhaps I would have done well ifI had looked to the Mama Bear for wisdom.Jacob is no less independent from an earlyage. I started taking him to Sunday school when he was barely one. As soon as I put



him on the floor, he would run for the toys and would not even turn back to look at hismother. Jacob! Arenʼt you going to miss your mother? How can you be so eager toleave your mother behind?MaryBeth and Jacob were extremely close, so close thatthey behaved like twins who would not do anything without the other. All was fine untilMaryBeth went off to kindergarten; Jacob was left behind not knowing who he was. I

found a church-based preschool that offered two programs: three half-days or five full-days. I told Cindy, the preschool director, that Jacob was not ready for full-timepreschool. Cindy smiled knowingly and said, “Mom is not ready!” I almost got defensive.After all, I deserved some affirmation for being ready to send my 4-year-old boy to threehalf-days of preschool!I took pride in my progress in releasing Jacob, my live teddybear, into the big, bad world! For the first two years, I left him with no one else exceptmy husband and one babysitter. No one, absolutely no one, could take care of myprecious ones as well as I could. No one else could hold his hand as well as I could,and so I continued to hold his hand till he was 10 years old.

One day, while we were on a family field trip, he freed his hand from mine. Just like that!

He pulled his hand away from mine! O Jacob! Donʼt you need your mama anymore?The

late adolescent years of both children were turbulent. Their biological clock was tellingthem they needed to break away to become their own persons, but they had so muchunarticulated fear and anxiety about growing up that they acted out this anxiety asconflict, argument, and oppositional behavior. Both of them went off to college, madesome very poor choices, and derailed their college career. As a result, we pulled themout of school, and required them to live apart from us and make their own living. Toughlove isnʼt really tough with your child, but itʼs tough on mom! Itʼs a lot like the Mama Bearthat chased her cub up the tree in the woods and left him to figure out a way to get backdown to the ground to begin his independent life.When we shared with other parentsthis experience of radical “letting go”, each and every one of them said, “That must be

very hard to do!” Yes! That was the hardest thing my husband and I ever did. Welearned from the recovery experts that we had to detach ourselves from our children sothey could get back on the straight path. This is counterintuitive to parents because thenest is believed to be the safe, cozy haven. But we knew that the parasites andpredators of self-destruction and dependency would begin to arrest our children ʼsdevelopment. This time we looked to the wisdom of the Mama Bird that migrates toprotect the young from the parasites and predators.This act of letting go might appear tobe an easy fiat, but in reality it was a very traumatic end to a phase of our parent-childrelationship. It was as though both parents and children knew something had to changebut we did not know how to make the transition gradually, smoothly, and artfully. Theirself-destructive behaviors created chaos and crisis; my husband and I had to respond to

the crisis as if the airplane was about to crash. We opened the emergency exit andpushed the two children out of the airplane.Psychologists refer to “spoiling the nest” asa metaphor to describe the dysfunctional and sometimes self-destructive behaviors ourchildren and many adolescents resort to. They feel as though they must do somethingbad in order to justify their need to break away and become their own persons. Perhapsthe separation is just as traumatic to them as it was to us as parents. The transition to anew phase of our relationship is also marked by a “psychological tomb” as well as a“psychological womb.” Our children have to bury their childhood; we as parents also



have to bury our first adulthood. In acknowledging the death of childhood, our childrenstep into their new identity as responsible adults; in accepting the death of our firstadulthood, my husband and I ceased being protectors and providers and began our

journey of independence.

MaryBeth and Jacob have been living apart from us for four years. There have beenmany days, when I am home alone, I miss their voices, their laughter, and sometimeseven their arguments. I feel that ache in my heart and the emptiness in my arms. Thereis a MaryBeth-shaped hole and a Jacob-shaped hole in my heart. They may be grownadults, but momʼs arms are like memory foam that will never forget the sensation ofholding them. In spite of this grief and loneliness, I refrain from contacting them toooften because they need to know that mom is doing all right without them in the nest.Ina recent conversation with an empty nest mom whose adult children left home morethan 10 years ago, I asked her, “How do you deal with your children not coming homefor the holidays?” She answered, “I just let go and pray.” Just let go and pray? Is it reallythat easy?Parents who are in the midst of emptying the nest know it is not easy. Our

friends Steve and Martha have two daughters. One of their daughters got married ayear ago and the other graduated from college and took a job far away from home.During Thanksgiving and Christmas last year, Steve and Martha could no longer counton the daughters being home for the holiday celebrations. Steve who travels frequentlyfor his work said, “Honey, Iʼll be home for Christmas!” Martha said, “But you are not ourdaughter!”As parents, we grieve for the loss of that closeness we used to enjoy. And weshould grieve well. Perhaps we should even give ourselves the freedom to have a goodcry. In the four years after MaryBeth and Jacob left home, I have taken my daughterʼsBarbie dolls out and played with them and I have caressed my son ʼs old bath robe justso that I could still feel that connection. At times, my eyes get misty with tears, longingfor the closeness that no longer exists.

The connection we have with our children is irreplaceable. No one can fill the void in myheart except MaryBeth and Jacob. Similarly, no one can fill the void in Godʼs heartexcept each one of his children. This is why our heavenly Father will leave the ninety-nine sheep to go searching for the one lost sheep (Mt. 18:12). God turns his grief into amission.It would be tempting for me to get stuck in the grief cycle by focusing on mylosses and not paying attention to the gains. As long as I continue on my own journey toindependence, being the “big girl” my children need me to be, they continue to moveforward on their journey into adulthood.

About nine months ago, after my husband and I took MaryBeth out to dinner, we went

across the street to the pet store to shop for some supplies for her two cats. When myhusband took his wallet out to pay for the purchase, MaryBeth stopped him, “These catsare my babies and I am going to pay for the purchase.” A few months later, our son wascaught in a housing crisis because his roommate acted dishonorably. When we offeredfinancial help, Jacob said, “Thank you. I would really like to handle this situationmyself.”I will not claim credit for the ego strength that our children have developedduring a few short years, but I am convinced that my commitment to let go has giventhem the permission and freedom to begin and stay on their journey. Sometimes people



find young birds on the ground and they donʼt know what to do with them. The expertsadvise this: if it is a fledgling, donʼt ever put it back in the nest because the fledgling ismeant to leave the nest. Too often, we think that our children need us. In reality ofchildren need us to get out of the way so they can face the world on their own; real lifeis the school in which they develop that ego strength.Recently, we had our Thanksgiving

celebration at MaryBethʼs apartment. She proved herself to be a competent andgracious host. When she and her brother Jacob were toddlers, they were fascinated

with the idea of having people over for dinner. The two of them would get mixing bowls,pots and pans out to pretend they were having a dinner party. Now given theopportunity to host a dinner party in real life, Mary Beth proved herself capable.

Perhaps letting go simply means that I must relinquish my role of being the parent-in-charge and make room for my children to lead. I must set aside my competency so mychildren can demonstrate their competence; I must show my weakness to give them anopportunity to display their strength.In the Bible, three mothers have become my rolemodels for letting go: Jochebed (mother of Moses), Hannah (mother of Samuel), and

Mary (mother of Jesus). Each of these mothers let go of their sons so they were free tobe what God had called him to be. Jochebed cared more for her son ʼs well-being thanher own need to keep him; Hannah counted it more important to fulfill his vow to theLord than to keep her son close by; Mary released Jesus to go about his Father ʼsbusiness (Luke 2:49). These women accepted their motherhood with courage eventhough they knew the separation would cause them grief (Luke 2:35).Letting go is anexperience that touches not only mothers, but also fathers. The apostle Paul had manyspiritual children in various cities. As he travelled to different locations to spread theGospel, he had to let go of those spiritual children and commit them to the care of thelocal church leaders. Similarly, Jesus Christ, when he ascended to heaven, had to let goand commit his children to the care of the Holy Spirit and the Apostles. Neither Jesus

nor the Apostles believed that their physical presence was indispensable for thecontinuing spread of the Gospel.Perhaps what sets these Biblical mothers and fathersapart is their vision for the Kingdom of God that was far bigger that their connection withtheir children. The Apostle Paul intimated in Philippians 4:1, “You whom I love and longfor, my joy and crown…” This longing is as intense as the longing of a parent for hisbeloved children. But Paul, and other Biblical mothers and fathers, began with the endin mind: the mission of the Good News. This mission-mindedness sets them free to letgo of those they longed for and felt close to. Releasing our children into the worldstrikes fear in each parentʼs heart, but this is Godʼs design for them as they come ofage, beginning with the time they start crawling. God himself released Adam and Evefrom the nest even though he knew they would make some mistakes. At a seminar

taught by a pediatric psychiatrist, he said, “After the baby gets down from the motherʼsarms to check out the kitty, the baby comes back to mom. The first question on thebabyʼs mind is this: Mom! Are you OK without me in your arms?”MaryBeth and Jacobare silently asking this question each day. “Mom! Are you OK without me in your arms?”My silent answer to them is: “Child! I am OK without you in my arms, because I knowGod will hold your hand.”



Chapter 3

I remember asking Jesus into my heart during a church service when I was 8 years old.Although I have called myself a Christian from that moment on, I can honestly say it

wasnʼt until I had children that I really began to understand what that meant past thebasic head level. Sure, I could tell you about the Bible and what it said about God and

who Jesus was. I could tell you what was right and wrong in God ʼs eyes and theconsequence of sin. But it wasnʼt until shortly after our second son was born 4 yearsago that I really began to understand who God was on a deeper heart level. It was thenthat I began to truly get his love and patience, his desire for intimate relationship withme, the plan he has for me and the bigger picture of it all. While several factorscontributed to the timing of my growing relationship with Christ, the largest part of thathad to do with becoming a parent.

God's Love

August 29, 2006 is the day my life and my understanding of love changed forever. Asour first born son lay quietly on my chest after 14 hours of labor, grasping my thumbtightly with his little hand and staring right into my eyes in a way that pierced my soul, Iknew I would never be the same again. My heart grew that day and has continued togrow exponentially with the births of our two other sons. It was in that love for mychildren that I for the first time began to grasp the love that God has for me. The Biblespeaks time and time again of Godʼs everlasting love for us. In fact, the word love ismentioned 551 times in the NIV. That doesnʼt even count the variations of the word. Ithink that makes it pretty clear that more than any other message in his word, Godwants us to get how much he loves us. And not just any old love – agape love, the type

of love that is defined by self-sacrifice. What human relationship is more self-sacrificingthen the parent child relationship? As a mom I sacrifice on a day to day basis by puttingaside my own needs and wants for the sake of meeting other human beings basicneeds. From losing sleep, to skipping showers, to counting time in the bathroom asalone time, my job as a mom is all about putting others first. Not only do I choose tosacrifice in the small things but more importantly, I am willing if needed to physicallysacrifice my life to protect my children. Nothing could stop me from keeping my kidssafe, not even the prospect of death. Isnʼt that what Christ did for us? He sacrificed hislife for us purely out of love and the desire for us to have a better life. I can honestly saythat before I had my children I didnʼt completely get that kind of love. Now it resonateswith me on a whole new level and helps me not only better understand God ʼs love, but

also truly appreciate it.“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while wewere yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

Patience

I am not even going to pretend that I am a patient mom. Far from it actually. As a stay-at-home mom of 3 boys ages 5 and under with a husband who works 12 hour shifts,there are more days than not that I find myself raising my voice to beyond normal levels



and taking a few time outs of my own between disciplining my kids. Despite the factthat I lose my cool with my kids more than I would like to admit, I still have a level ofpatience for them unlike that for any other person in my life. They could defy me for thefifteenth time in a row and while I would not be happy about it I would still allow themcontinued opportunities to get it right. There may have to be consequences for their

actions but there are no limits to how many times I would correct and then forgive them.This kind of patience is only comparable to the patience God has for us. We defy himover and over again yet he continues to love us and forgive us. He sometimes has topunish us for our choices but out of love and wanting the best for us. Like a parent, hegently corrects us until we make begin to make that good choice on our own. I pray thatthe closer I draw to God, the more I am able to truly be slow to anger with mychildren.“The LORD is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquityand transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of thefathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation.” (Numbers 14:18)

Desire for intimate relationship

It is silly how much I already think about what it will be like when my kids are grown. It isso far off but I know all too well that that time will be here before we know it and for thatreason I canʼt help but let my thoughts wander there from time to time. I think aboutwhat kind of men my boys will become, who their wives will be, what careers they willchoose. And more times than not I wonder what kind of relationship we will have. Willthey call me on a regular basis to tell me about their life, will they stop by for more thanclean laundry and a hot meal, and will they want me to be a part of their kids ʼ lives? LikeI said, silly I know since they are only 5, 4, and 1 but I guess the desire for relationshipwith my children is high on my priority list. I donʼt want just any relationship either. I wanta strong, solid relationship that reminds them that they have someone in their corner

who knows who they really are. How do I get that? My husband and I try to foster thatnow by being open to listening to them no matter how big or small the concern. Wecelebrate praises as a family and mourn together when one of us is hurting. No topic isoff the table, we encourage them to speak openly and we try to answer all of theirquestions as we see appropriate to their age. Spending time doing fun things andlaughing seems to make it easier when the rough patches come. By making dinnertimesat the table a part of life now, we hope it will establish a place for conversation even inthose more difficult years to come.As I think about how much I want to know my kidsand spend time with them I realize that this is the same thing our Heavenly Fatherwants from us. He desires to know us deeply and intimately and has created us todesire the same in our earthly relationships. He wants us to spend quiet time daily with

him, to share our innermost thoughts, to come to him with things big or small. Godwants to know me! That warms my heart every time I think of it. That thing I want for mykids, to have someone in their corner who knows who they really are, is what I want tooand I have it in my relationship with God. He knew me before I was born and nothing Iam or do is hidden from him. Knowing that I sometimes wonder why he even wants meto spend time with him? His word tells me it is so that I can say that I know him well too.It isnʼt a relationship if only one person is invested. I can pour everything I have into mykids but if they donʼt grow up and reciprocate that same desire to know me the



relationship would stop developing. I donʼt need to be friends with my kids, just like Goddoesnʼt need me for a friend, but I want it and so does he.“For you created my inmostbeing; you knit me together in my motherʼs womb. I praise you because I am fearfullyand wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was nothidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in

the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for mewere written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:13-16)

The plan

I think the biggest “aha” moment I have had when it comes to connecting myrelationship with my kids to my relationship with God came when I realized that he has aplan for my life and I would be so much better off if I followed his plan instead of myown. I often find myself saying, “If only the kids would follow the plan! I make it so easyfor them, yet they insist on doing it their way despite the difficulty and consequences itmay bring. Donʼt they know that I know more and that I have their best interest in mind?”

My 4 year old, our middle son, is infamous for drawing these words from my mouth. Heis my strong-willed child, the one who chooses the path of most resistance each andevery time, who is willing to battle to the death for independence and free choice. I canremember when he was barely over two years old and we had asked him to try one biteof his dinner before getting down from the table. He refused so at the table heremained. 15 minutes passed, then 30, then 45. Didnʼt phase him one bit. Bedtimecame and he still hadnʼt tried a bite of his food. This continued for the next 3 nightswhen we realized that it was us who were going to have to change our strategy. Whathad worked on our oldest son after one night was clearly not going to work on ourstubborn child. Despite missing out on after dinner family time and going to bed hungry,he insisted on doing things his way.You see, we were only trying to do what we thought

was best for him. In our minds we knew that he needed to eat, to be open to try newthings, because it was what was good for him. But he had different plans and waswilling to stick to them no matter the outcome. How often must God think that about us?We are all defiant and stubborn at times, some of us more so than others. Our rebellionand need to control the direction of our life leads to numerous negative consequencesyet time after time we make the same mistakes. God must just shake his head andthink, if only you would follow my plan. After all, He makes it so easy for us…heck, itʼsall laid out in the Bible! If only we lived like we understood that Godʼs plan for us is somuch better than any plan we could come up with on our own, life would be so mucheasier. Just as we can see things that our kids cannot possibly understand in theirlimited knowledge, so does God see the bigger picture when we are only able to see

whatʼs right in front of us.“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and afuture.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

The bigger picture

I think back to when I was first pregnant and trying to read every book I could get myhands on that told me what to expect during pregnancy and labor. Then I moved on to



books about how to care for a baby and a toddler. After two kids 13 months apart, Ithrew out the books and realized that life experience and wisdom from friends andfamily were just as valuable at that point. In a lot of ways, parenting is just about trialand error. There are gobs of how-to books out there that will point you in the rightdirection, but nothing written specifically to your child and to your situation. Lucky for us

there is a guide written when it comes to being spiritual parents. We can look in theBible and while it doesnʼt tell us the exact answer to proper discipline or how to pottytrain a 2 year old; it does give us wisdom and show us where our priorities should bewhen raising our children. I realize that while my job as a mom is comprised of a lot ofday to day decisions and tasks, there is one ultimate task as a parent that I am heldaccountable for in the eyes of God. That is in introducing my child to a relationship withChrist and helping disciple them into mature adult Christians. How exactly do I do that?By talking about Jesus throughout our day, reading verses from the Bible, praying withmy boys not only at meal time and bedtime but also when the day is hard or they aregoing to be away from us for a while. They see us make church a priority and weinvolve them in opportunities to serve others. Even in daily tasks like setting the table

they are taught to serve everyone else before themselves because serving is aboutputting others first. These examples all reflect the intentional ways that we walk besideour children as they begin to learn about Godʼs love and what that looks like in our dailylife. We hope that in doing these things we will create a strong foundation for them tocontinue to build their own growing relationship with God from.Realizing the importanceof discipling my children helped me realize the bigger picture. That we are all called tobe spiritual parents, not just to our kids but to those who donʼt know Jesus or who arechildren in their faith. God put us here on Earth for that very reason. The way that I livemy life each and every day should shine a light so bright that people can ʼt help but seeJesus in all that I do. The very same Christ-like behavior I model at home in hopes mykids will pick up on it, I should exhibit all the time in hopes that others will pick up on it

as well. As willing as I am to read and speak the word of God to my children so that itwill become engraved in their hearts, I have to admit that I am not always so willing tospeak it to others who donʼt share my faith. But you know what? Those people areGodʼs children too and he does not wish for one of them to perish. Who am I to withholdhis truth from anyone? I am so thankful that God has not only entrusted me with three ofhis children but that he has also used them to reveal more of himself to me.“Teach themto your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along theroad, when you lie down and when you get up.” (Deuteronomy 11:19)



Chapter 4

When I first thought about this topic, “What you can learn about God through children,” Itook myself back to my pre-children years. Itʼs true that I interacted with children beforeI had any of my own. I did a little babysitting in Junior High to earn extra money. I ran

the age 3 class in Bible School during the summer when I was in high school. I evenhelped a neighbor with her daycare on occasion. And yet, once I was adult, if youwould have asked me about my experience with children, I would have downplayed it. Iwas never fully in charge of any of these children and though I got to spend time withthem, I never had to deal with the day-to-day issues that arose.! As I thought about what I have learned about God through children, I first had tothink about what I knew about God before I had children more prevalently in my life. Ibecame a Christian a bit later in life so I had plenty of life experience behind me.Knowing what I know now about God and His saving grace, I wish it had happened a lotsooner. But I am just glad that it happened when it did, before my children camearound.!

When I had children, I was ill prepared. I donʼt know that anyone can fully be

prepared for the issues that children bring into ones life. And those issues arenʼtnecessarily bad…theyʼre just challenging. Letʼs just say, once you have kids, you haveplenty of time and reason to pray. Time because you are often up all hours of the night.And reason for many different items, some of which go along with the all hours of thenight part.! But after my kids were born, though I was tired, haggard, and fully pulled to myvery limits, I also feel as if I learned more about God than I ever knew before. It was notbecause I did more in depth studies. Unfortunately, time for such things often flew tothe wayside in lieu of the childrenʼs needs. It was more because of the things I saw inmy children.!

There are plenty of things that God has taught me about himself through my kidsover the years. As I think through the various scriptures in which God reveals thingsabout himself, the one that keeps coming back to my mind is the verse in Galatians thattalks about the fruits of the spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 reads: “The fruit of the Spirit is love,

joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.Against such things there is no law.”! This verse is one that I taught to the 3-year-olds in the summer Bible schoolsessions when I was in high school. I hope it has stuck in their minds as much as it hasin mine. It gives attributes that Christians could, and maybe even should show, whenthey truly allow the Holy Spirit to enter their lives. But each individual item is alsosomething my children have taught me quite a bit about in their short little lives.

LOVE

It seems obvious that children teach adults about love. There arenʼt many parents thatare not bursting at the seams with love for their children. And most moms will tell you,itʼs a completely different kind of love than the type of love they have for anyone else…even their spouse.



This concept was always hard for me to understand before I had kids. I thought therewas nothing I wouldnʼt do for my husband and my other family members. But the lovefor your child goes far beyond any other type of love…at least in my experience.Let me illustrate this idea. When my husband is sick, I close the door to our bedroom…occasionally take him some crackers and maybe a little soup…and tell him to get better

soon. When our children are sick, I sleep beside their beds…hold their hands…stroketheir hair…and wish and pray that I could take the illness from them and place it on meinstead. Part of this is because my husband is an adult and my kids are not. But part ofme also knows I would want to do the same thing, even if they were older.This type of unconditional love is the type of love God has for each and every one of us.Whenever we are sick, God wants to take that illness and place it upon himself instead.It is that type of love that put Jesus on the cross and held him there.

JOY

! Anyone that has spent any amount of time around children knows that their pure

joy is a sight to enjoy. Christmas is generally an extra special time of year, especially forchildren. There are pretty lights outside, presents inside, and all sorts of wonders.Children often enjoy the wrappings and boxes more than the actual presentsthemselves and my kids were no different. In fact, one year, my youngest took toopening a present, saying “Ooo,” and then placing it back in the box, wrapping it backup and opening it again so she could have the reaction all over again. The way hereyes lit up to the same toy each and every time gave me a sense of joy that I didn ʼtknow I had. It was her joy, rubbing off on me. And itʼs the way God wants me to feel allof the time when I think about Him.! If I could take a fraction of a childʼs joy and place it into my everyday life, eachand every little thing I do would turn out so much better. With children in my life, I

actively attempt to look at things through their joyful eyes. It makes the day brighter inevery way.

PEACE

! Have you ever sneaked into a childʼs room and watched him sleep? I alwayshad a “never wake a sleeping baby” rule, but that rule only went so far. Like, if thatsleeping baby was sleeping WAY too long and I knew there would be no more sleepingbaby come bedtime, I would perhaps enter his room and make a little noise in hopesthat he would stir.! There is simply nothing like the look of peace on a childʼs face when he is asleep.

Adults get it too, but you have to admit, itʼs different. I, for one, do not feel as if my mindever truly stops moving. Even when Iʼm asleep, Iʼm thinking. I donʼt know that childrenare, necessarily. When they finally stop moving and collapse into sleep, they pauseanything and everything they were doing. They are in total and complete peace. I canfeel that peace in a very real way as I stand over the crib and watch them sleep.

PATIENCE



! Patience is an unending struggle for any parent. Children test adults to theirlimits and beyond. There were many times when my children were young that I foundmyself frustrated beyond my wildest imagination. And it was only because they wouldnot put their shoes on…change their shirt…eat their dinner…or some other seeminglytrivial item.!

It makes me think about the amount of patience God has for us. We, as adults,do things that are so much worse than not putting on our shoes. We lie, cheat, steal,and on and on and on. And yet God never throws his hands up at us and says, “Iʼvehad it!” like I have said so many times to my own children. I feel like I am a patientperson, but my patience has limits. How much more patience does God have for us?Itʼs simply unlimited.

KINDNESS

! There are many things about children that can be very unkind. They steal toysfrom other kids, push kids out of the way on the playground, and always want to do

what they want to do…when they want to do it. But there are little slivers of kindnessthat often shine through when you least expect it.! When my youngest was 2, she and her dad and I were eating at a fast foodrestaurant. She had been sick recently and it was the first time she had really eatenwell. Since she ate so well, we got her an ice cream cone when her meal was gone.Her dad returned from the counter as we returned from the bathroom. She looked atthe ice cream, looked at him and gasped. “Thank you daddy!” she exclaimed. It wasthe first time she had said such a thing without being prompted. She was truly in awethat he would do something so nice for her. It melted his heart. It melted mine. It was amoment neither of us will ever forget.

GOODNESS

! Kids have issues with sharing, letʼs just face it. They want things all tothemselves and thatʼs all there is to it. One of my children was actually pretty good atthe sharing concept at a young age. She was so good, in fact, that she wanted to shareanything and everything…with me.! She would go down a slide at the park and then say, “Mamaʼs turn!” She wouldtake a bite of food and then offer it to me, “Mamaʼs turn!” She would go to the bathroomand then turn to me, “Mamaʼs turn!” Her concern for my well-being in all matters alwaystouched me. Whether I actually wanted to go down the slide or not (usually not, thoughI always did!) I felt as if she had a good heart and simply wanted to share her fun, her

food, and her routine with me.! God is such a good God, he feels much the same way about us. He knows whatis best for us and he simply wants to share that goodness.

FAITHFULNESS

! I have to admit, I have a wee bit of a problem with letting go. And, therefore, sodo my children. But that stage has taught me quite a bit about faithfulness. Whenever I



would try to allow someone else to watch my children, they would cling to my leg, arm,or whatever other body part was handy and cry for me not to go. It wasnʼt as if theydidnʼt know I was going to come back. They just preferred me over anyone else.Probably because I hardly ever let anyone else watch them.! Even so, they were faithful to me. They wanted me over anyone and everyone

else. They wanted to be with me. They wanted to be near me. They wanted to sit inmy lap and play with me and just be in my company. For a mother, that is the bestfeeling in the world. Itʼs hard to never feel as if you can take a break, but it ʼs harder topull away from a child who just wants to be with you.! As I think about how my children act when I try to take a night out, I wonder howmuch better I would be as a Christian and as a person in general if I acted the sameway as God. I wouldnʼt scream and cry when he left, of course…because he neverleaves. But what if I wanted to be with him more than anyone else in the world? What ifI clambered to learn more about him and just simply spend time with him? This is thekind of faithfulness he wishes upon all of his children. It was the kind I got from my ownand the kind I strive to have.

GENTLENESS

! Kids arenʼt always particularly gentle, but you can catch moments of tendernessand gentleness when you least expect it. One time, when I was sick, I was laying onthe couch, trying to tune out the world as the kids ran around doing their best toentertain me. All I wanted was to be left alone to sleep, but as a mom, thatʼs rarely anoption, even when sickness seems overwhelming. As I tried to tune out the latest gameand concentrate on sleep, my daughter came over and simply placed her hand on myhair, stroking it a few times. It was something I had often done to her when she wassick and it was so sweet and gentle, I knew sleep would never come and I no longer

wanted it.! I have always been drawn to the idea that God knows the number of hairs on ourhead. That strikes me as a very gentle aspect of a very big God. The fact that Godwould take that much time and put that much effort into me makes me feel as if I amvery important to him. When my daughter stroked my hair, I knew she had gotten thataction from me. But she had also gotten it from God.

SELF-CONTROL

! Self-control is also not something most children are good at showing. However,the adult in the situation can learn quite a bit about self-control from the children around

them. When my children spin into nightmares, screaming and crying for no particularreason at all, all I want to do is scream and cry right back at them. I have learned,however, from experience, of course, that all this does is make any and every situationworse. The best thing I can do is dig deep into myself, use my self-control, and ignorethe situation.! The worse thing I can do to my children is ignore them. When they have workedthemselves into a fit, they are doing everything they can to get my attention. It takesevery ounce of self-control I have to ignore them until they straighten up.



! Sometimes, when the crying is raging in the background of the room, I thinkabout God and the self-control He has when it comes to my life. There have beenplenty of times when I have done things that I know God wouldnʼt approve of me doing.Instead of screaming and crying in my face, he simple stands back, lets me make mymistakes, and is there to pick up the pieces once Iʼm done with my fit.

! It is astounding to me how present God is in all aspects of life, if only you arewilling to watch for Him. I have seen him shine the most through my children. Most ofthe time, in ways they would never intend. It just proves to me that God is all of thethings he says he is…and then some.



Chapter 5

Our daughter Rose was in her thirty sixth week of pregnancy when an ultra soundrevealed she would have to have a c-section because the baby ʼs head was too big. Shehad an amniocentesis her thirty-seventh week, during which they poked her five times

and found no amniotic fluid in the sack. At that point, they immediately did anemergency c-section. All seemed to be going well when baby boy Cyrus came outwailing at nine pounds ten ounce. But within a very short time, he was in distress andhe started turning blue. His lungs collapsed and he started hemorrhaging and bleedingout. By the time they got him all settled in the NICU he was on an Oscillator, had twochest tubes in his right lung, one chest tube in his left lung, pik line, numerous other IVʼswith antibiotics and even blood transfusions. They had no idea why he washemorrhaging. Itʼs a scary situation when even the doctorʼs have no idea why this allhappened.

Iʼm the grandma in this situation and I was in Florida when my grandson was born. My

sister Ellen rushed to the hospital to be with the baby while his Dad Anthony stayed withRose. You see, Rose gave birth to Cyrus at one hospital, but they had to move the babyover 30 minutes away to another hospital that specialized in childrenʼs care. It was hardfor Rose to know that her baby was in another part of town, but she was also havingmedical issues of her own that prevented her from leaving to be with her new son. Thesituation for Cyrus was grave. My sister Ellen was at the hospital, just waiting for anytype of news while other people milled around her in the lobby area. She was in a stateof shock over the situation when a young man about eighteen years of age came up toher and said, “You look like you need a hug.” It wasnʼt something one hears everyday,but Ellen really did need a hug and some support, so she accepted that offer. After thehug, others came up and asked her, “Can we pray for you?” She opened her arms

once again and welcomed the prayer. Ellen later told me that had she been asked thatquestion ten years ago, she wouldnʼt have said yes. Just a little history about my sister,her daughter was born with some problems and she was up in the same NICU wherebaby Cyrus was, so her emotions were running nearly as high as everyone elseinvolved.

After a few hours, the hospital staff finally came and got Ellen. As she followed thenurse into the room, she realized that Cyrus was in the same room her daughter Lucillewas in nearly a decade earlier. There were numbers of doctors and nurses in the roomtrying to figure out what to do with this little baby that was bleeding out and causing allsorts of problems. None of them could not stop his bleeding. He was very pale, his

skin was mottled and, using her words, he simply looked dead. The doctor told Ellenshe just didnʼt know what else they could do. They had done everything they could andthey could just not stop the bleeding. My sister, remembering the prayers that were saidfor her in the lobby just a short time prior said, “God can stop it just like that,” and thenshe snapped her fingers. Next, a Hemorrhagic Doctor decided to try a drug that hadonly been used on adults. No one felt as if there was any other choice because theycould not fill this baby up fast enough with transfusions. His lungs were full of blood…itwas inevitable…he was dying....they even called in the Chaplain.



Cyrus mother Rose was still at a different hospital about twenty miles away. The NICUcalled her and told her that the babyʼs father, Anthony needed to come and see his sonimmediately. Cyrusʼs vitals were sinking…his oxygen saturation level was 52%...it wasnot good.

Marie, one of Roseʼs sisters stayed with her while Anthony went to see his son. Rosewas beside herself that she could not go along as well, but she was not being allowed toleave her own hospital because of her own condition. When Anthony arrived, heentered Cyrusʼ room and started talking to his son. As soon as Cyrus heard his fatherʼsvoice, he started to respond and his vitals started to get better. Cyrus had only beenhearing the voices of strangers and finally, he recognized this voice. He was hearinghis fatherʼs voice and his vitals began to stabilize.

During all this, my husband and I were making plans to come back to the Midwest. Iknew I had to get back as quickly as possible to be there for my daughter and my

grandson. I was able to book a flight for the next morning and my husband got in thecar and began driving the two day drive twenty hour drive to get back to the Midwestfrom where we were in Florida. The first thing I did as I sat on the plane was ask theLord how to pray. For his will to be done? For complete healing? What if the Lordknows something I donʼt know? Should I just trust the Lord to do what he thinks isright? Help me to see why your will in all of this. Help me to be strong, I prayed. Donʼtlet ME get in your way! Help me to reflect your light in this situation. The Lord knowswhat is best for Cyrus. Will I be coming home to help with this baby or will I be cominghome for a funeral? Lord guide me! These are the thoughts that were going through mymind.

My flight was very early, and I was thankful. There is something very different aboutflying home due to an emergency. Itʼs just not at all fun. I felt kind of numb and it justdidnʼt feel real. My daughter Marie came to the airport to pick me up. She was runninga bit late because a bottle of cinnamon air fresher spilled in her the back seat. Whenshe ran up to me, I was greeted with a tearful hug along with the strong scent ofpotpourri. It was 32 degrees and we had to drive with the windows down to be able tostand the smell. It wasnʼt the ideal situation, but in all honest, it kind of took our mind offof the other things that were going on. Marie had been up all night long at the hospitalwith baby, she was frazzled, she was tired and she was scared. After eating lunch, wewent to the hospital to see Rose. When we got to the hospital she was groggy from thepain medication they had her on. Her eyes were all red with swollen circles under them.

And she was focusing her energies on trying to breast pump. It was the only thing thatwas keeping her mind off of all of the “what ifs.” The hospital was making arrangementsto release her later that day so she could be with Cyrus. The three of us talked it overand decided that Marie and I would go to the hospital to see the baby while they workedout all those details with Rose and her release.

On the flight halfway across the country, Iʼd tried to prepare myself for what Cyrus wouldlook like, but in reality, itʼs something you just canʼt do. He was a big boy with tubes in



his nose, his chest, his color was a bit yellow and he was very puffy from all the bloodand fluid in his system. He looked healthy and strapping in his weight. His color andthe tubes coming out of him told another story. He was in critical condition, period. Myfirst question was, “What is wrong with him? What happened?” And the scary part wasthat no one had an answer. They could not run some of the tests they needed because

he was in such critical condition, but they were running cultures to see if it was a viral orbacterial infection and they were checking his blood for abnormalities.

Cyrus was thirty hours old when his mom, Rose got to see him for the first time. As amother myself, my heart ached for her and for my grandson. I just wanted to make it allbetter, but I couldnʼt.

They explained that the first three days are critical, so we sat, prayed and watched.Listening to the oscillator breathing life into his body was tiring. Sometimes, I would nodoff in my chair because of the warmth in the room and the monotony of the sound.During this time, little Cyrus did not move. Once in awhile, he would twitch or slightly

grab a finger, but there was no real sign on life. Finally, at five days old we made momand dad get out of the hospital to get something to eat and get some fresh air. Theywere very hesitant to do it and I can understand why. But they were eventuallyconvinced that in order to take care of Cyrus, they also had to take care of themselves.When they came back, Rose went over to Cyrus and said, “We are back.” As she puther finger in his, she turned around and started to walk away and I saw him lift his entirearm up and take his fingers and start grabbing, I kind of yelled loudly “look!” and we allstarted crying as my husband and I praised God. This little boy had not done anythinglike this in his five days of life. All of the sudden, he purposely lifted his entire arm andwas grasping for his mommyʼs. This precious moment made me think about the timeswhen we are all in need. All we have to do is reach out and grasp for God and he will be

there. I finally felt hope I knew God was going to heal him. Slowly, he started to makesome improvements. He opened his eyes, and even began peeing and pooping on hisown. He also started moving just a bit more everyday. The doctors began to try towean him off of machines and take the chest tubes out, but it only lasted for a few hoursand they would have to replace it all. Two steps forward, one step back. That was thetype of progress little Cyrus was making.

At eight days old Cyrusʼs cousin Garret called into a local radio show to tell Santa whathe wanted for Christmas. When the DJs answered, he said he wanted a Lego dragonset and then he added that he would like for his Aunt Rose to be able to hold her babyfor Christmas. Last, but not least, he asked for God to heal Cyrus. The Santa on the

radio was taken back a bit. With a teary voice he said his elves couldnʼt help with thatbut heʼd ask for everyone to pray. That night, our daughter Marie brought her kids up tothe NICU so she could she Cyrus for the first time. Everyone gathered in the lobby andwe asked Garrett to tell Rose and Anthony what heʼd asked Santa for on the radio hesaid the ʻLego dragon setʼ part, but then he got really shy about the rest of his request.We promoted him again and he started to get tears in his eyes. Then, he choked thewords out “I asked God to heal Cyrus.” I felt this shift in the atmosphere as those wordscame out of his mouth. It was a type of release and there was not a dry eye in the



place. I then knew for sure that God was going to miraculously heal Cyrus. Also thatevening, we had dinner with my sister and we asked our eight year old niece Lucile topray over dinner and she asked God ʻto put his hand on Cyrus and make him better.ʼ Once again, I felt this release in the atmosphere...all because of the faith of a child.

Within the next few days, things moved quickly. They took Cyrus off the Oscillator, thenoff the ventilator. His body started to push out one of the chest tubes so they pulled thatout as well and then they started to wean him off of oxygen. Cyrus quickly went fromhaving two nurses to one nurse going in and out. They soon pulled out the rest of thechest tubes, took out the pik line, and just put in a feeding tube. It was a miracle beforeour very eyes. Doctors and nurses who had taken care of him were amazed at hisprogress. Some even used the word miracle to describe it! They began to feed himwith a bottle using moms breast milk. It was a slow process as he got very tired veryeasily, but he started getting the hang of it. They did an MRI, EEG, ECHO, blood testsand found that there was nothing wrong with this baby....hallelujah! At twenty threedays old, Cyrus was able to go home weighing nine pounds four ounces. One doctor

said there was nothing wrong with him any more andʻhe might as well go home.

ʼ

I think back on those days and the times when I was trying to talk to Rose and berational about things and the reality of the situation. Instead of listening to me, shewould say I donʼt want to hear it. I kept thinking, “Oh the poor thing doesnʼt want to facereality.” Maybe in reality, I was the one not trusting in my own faith! I will never forgetthat feeling I got when Garret asked God to heal Cyrus....his innocence, his faith thatGod would do it. Right after he prayed, he went off and played like...ok God has this. Itwas that simple in his mind. He had turned it over to God and he trusted that that wasall he needed to do. Or when Lucille prayed for God to have his hand on Cyrus andthen right afterward started eating in the same manner. It was as if those children were

saying, “No big deal, God has this.” Through this experience, I learned one of thebiggest lessons I could have ever learned about God. And I learned it through the faithof children. God help me to have that child like faith, to just trust you with everything, tonot waste my time worrying or fretting, to just pray and then just trust. Thank you Godfor totally healing Cyrus and for letting us SEE it.



Chapter 6

What have I learned about God through children?

Thatʼs an interesting question, as my children are constantly teaching me so much

through who they are and who they are not.

Every day I am a little more amazed at the wonderful creations they are. Children arefilled with life and graciousness. My kids are willing to forgive me when I make mistakesand do not hold it against me. Making numerous mistakes is something to be countedon when youʼre a mother.

Forgiveness:

Right away when my kids were born, I knew I would be asking for forgiveness often. Asbeing a perfect parent was top of my list, I knew it was unrealistic. Losing my temper or

being frustrated when I could not get something right, usually wound up in me talking tothe kids seeking their forgiveness. It is important to me to ask them and not assumethey know that I am sorry or that it is fine if I lost my temper because I am their mother.To me, it is just not right to treat someone badly and then never apologize or makeamends. Amends are crucial if a relationship is to stay strong and grow.

The same goes for the kids in the other direction. When they commit a blunder andmake their humanly mistakes, by doing something to hurt me or make me sad, I havealready forgiven them before they even ask. I can not think of a single thing I would notforgive them for.

This tells me a lot about God. I used to think He was standing in heaven looking downon me in His majestic robes, arms tightly crossed, foot tapping, finger pointing, “Look atyou, you made a mistake, I knew you would. Way to go, now I will punish you!” As sillyas that may sound, it was the vision in my head, but as a parent I have learned that it isnot possible for God, who is love, to feel that way about me. When I come to Him withmy broken promises or angry words, He has already found it in His heart to let it go,wash it away. Not point His finger at me and say He told me so. I love that I havelearned that, as aside from being a parent, I do not think I would have learned it anyother way.

Mistakes:

We all know that mistakes are a part of life, but it is easy to be too hard on ourselveswhen we falter. My children are no different, when they bring their accidents or mishapsto me, I do not rub their faces in it, but instead I want to figure out how I can show themthat they can turn it into a learning opportunity, personal growth and something for theirgood.



Often they do not want to hear about the lesson involved, but instead whether or notthey are in trouble and want to move on to the next thing.

All too often that is my response to God also. I want to bring Him my failures and haveHim just fix it and then let me get on to the next thing, I do not want to spend a bunch of

time learning anything or getting a lecture about my actions. As a parent I know that if Ilove my kids and care anything about their future, then I simply cannot allow them tomake mistakes and not learn a lesson from them.

So when they come to me, not only is my heart ready to receive them and has theirutmost best interest in mind, but I desire to teach them and help them grown. Will I fixproblems for them? Absolutely. Will I take away the hard blow that comes with somefailures? Definitely! I will soften it and sometimes take it away, but being able toremove consequences from every mistake is not reality. The world has a way ofteaching us lessons we cannot prevent from our failures. When those things happen,my heart grieves for them, cries with them and is there to hold them up with my love.

Just as God does for us. Sure He can do anything, but is that realistic for us to bringour problems to Him and expect Him to remove all consequences from our mistakes?What about our intentional mistakes? Should He remove all consequences from them?Is that really a responsible thing to expect from God? God is not a genie in a bottle or avending machine. As the days, weeks and months go by we walk by that machine,never putting time, or effort into getting anything out of the “vending machinerelationship” and then expect it to spit out what we want, when we want it! Is that theGod you serve? God is a father. Any father or mother would want their child to not takeadvantage of something or use a thing only for their own selfish purposes. On the otherhand, if your child was away and did not speak to you often, would you turn them awaywhen they came home? Or called you on the phone? Would you give a lecture about

where they have been, why they have not been talking to you? Or would you celebrateand tell them you are glad they called?

I have a feeling that what God does, is He celebrates us, when we come to Him. Likethe example of the prodigal son, when he came home he was celebrated and loved. Sothe times when I am away from God and I choose not to talk to Him for days, months, oryears, I should not allow my own insecurities keep me from coming to Him. Instead Ishould run to Him as quickly as possible, the moment I realize I should.

Unanswered Prayers:

What is an unanswered prayer? Is it silence from heaven? Is it a “No” answer? Orperhaps getting something we Did Not want? Unanswered prayers can be interpretedin many ways. I personally have been on the receiving side of things when I havegotten many No answers. I have struggled with wondering if God cared at all or if He iseven remotely interested in my life and my problems. So I consider my children and putthem in my shoes for a minute. When I tell them “No!” it is not to harm them or keepthem from the wondrous pleasures of life. It is to give them the very best from life, notthe worst. Of course it may seem that way, but it is just not the case. As an adult I have



lived life much longer than them and I understand things differently, more maturely and Ican see sides of the situation more clearly then they can.

Last night for example, my son wanted to play video games and did not want to go tobed. If I allow him to stay up as late as he wants and then wake him up in the morning

for school, what do you think will happen? Letʼs say he goes to bed at 11 or 12midnight. I typically wake him up around 7:30 am for school. Will he be well rested and

prepared for learning? Probably not! In fact he will most likely be in a bad mood andnot have the patience to sit in class and quietly absorb the information. The other thinghe likes to do is get up early to play video games. If I allow him to stay up late and getup early, then what am I really saying? That his health and well being do not come first,but his desire to be entertained. At his age, he cannot see what I see and know what Iknow. So I have to set the limits and say no when it is needed.

Just like God, who knows everything. There are so many things that happen in my lifethat I grunt and complain and then turn over to Him and wonder where the heck He is?

Had God even bothered to listen to my multiple requests to help me get a certain job?Or a certain relationship? Or move into a certain house or neighborhood? What is yourquestion to God that you want to know why He has not answered you? Maybe he has

just said “No!” Maybe He is not being silent at all.

It is quite possible that when I am angry, when I have not gotten an answer, or whatseems like an answer, that it is because all along God said “No” in his gently quiet voiceand I just chose not to listen.

So what happens then when my son does not turn off the video game system, stayingup late, getting up early? Do I simply allow it to continue, knowing he is affecting his

health negatively? Or do I walk over to the game system and turn it off because I lovehim so much and I will never allow him to hurt or damage himself. What has God“turned off” in your life?

Fulfilled Promises:

Are there any promises that have been made to you that have not been kept? Does itbother you? Do you think about it often? Maybe the promise of a parent or significantother?

As a parent, any promise I make to my kids, weighs on me and remains in my mind until

I fulfill it. It is extremely important to me to do my very best to bring every promise topass, to not allow any item left undone. I do not want my kids to grow up and have toget over their childhood. I want them to have a peaceful home without the need to behealed from past wounds. If I unintentionally break a promise, or for some unforeseenreason am not able to give my kids what I said I would, I work hard to make it up tothem. If Iʼve completely forgotten about a promise and my kids bring it to my attention,being patient and kind in my response is crucial. I was the one who promised it, Ishould not be angry or respond in a negative way, but instead reassure them I will fulfill



my promise and then make a point to get to it right away. Most of the time even doingmore than I originally said I would.

In the same way God has promised to keep his word. If He has told us He will dosomething, He will. When I come to Him frustrated that He hasnʼt done as He

promised, I have to stop and evaluate if it is just my perception that is off or if it is thatGod truly has not done as He said He would do. If He cannot lie then the promises Hehas made to me He will keep. I just have to trust Him.

Knowing how important keeping promises is to me, and I am a fallen creature, then theimportance of promises to God, must be paramount. Fulfilling promises to a child orothers can be tricky at times.

When I tell my children I will take care of their every need, it may not be in a fashion thatthey would have chosen. Vegetables are not the most popular item at the dinner table,but they are crucial to a healthy body and mind. Serving them for my children to eat is

one of the ways I provide for their needs even though they may disagree that I amkeeping a promise. For some reason it is popular among my children to wear only a t-shirt, jeans and socks outside to play in the winter. I am constantly telling them to puton their jackets, hats, boots and gloves. They may strongly disagree that I am actuallykeeping a promise when I ask them to do these things. In fact they often disagree.

In the same way God keeps promises for us. Whether He is asking us to do somethingwe do not want to do or puts us in situations we do not like, He is keeping His promises.What promises do you think God hasnʼt kept for you?

Do you think God has an obligation to keep His promises to you? If it is true that I am a

loving parent and that I want the very best for my children, then I have an obligation tokeep the promises I make to my kids.

In closing:

In closing, I find myself wondering what things I need to focus on for today. Is there apromise I need to keep? Or a prayer I need to say? Perhaps I need to make amendsto someone special. I will have to sit and ponder on it for a few minutes before I decide.Are there any promises you have not kept? Do you need o make amends with aspecial person in your life? Are you putting it off? Why?

Making amends can be scary and intimidating. It can easily set us off kilter and causeus to think we are no good or there is no chance of hope left in the situation. My kidshave taught me that there is always hope, always a new day, always a chance to makethings right. If you are reading this, then maybe today is the day to do what you havebeen putting off, to do what your heart is telling you. Trust that God will lead the wayand it will all turn alright, that hope will show up when you least expect it.

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What You Can Learn About God Through Children