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(559) 683-8309 • Email: info@thechatter.org

MADERA MOVIES IN THE PARK, on Fridays in August, 8:30pm, Lions Town and Country Park, 2300 Howard Road, Madera, August 2: How to Train Your Dragon. August 9: Ralph Breaks the Internet, August 16: Small Foot, August 23: Incredibles 2. (559) 481-2577.

SENIOR NUTRITION PROGRAM, at Frank A. Bergon Senior Center, 238 S. D. St. Madera. There is a suggested donation of $ 1.75 per meal. Lunch is served Mon -Fri, 11 :30 am. More info: (559) 673-4293 HOOPLA!—NOW AT YOUR LIBRARY, Madera and Chowchilla Libraries have officially launched Hoopla! You can now watch movies and TV Series or download Audio and/or eBooks directly to your mobile devices. To access you must have an active Madera County Library Card. For more details, contact the Chowchilla Library, 559-665-2630, or the Madera Library, (559) 675-7871.

FRIDAY NIGHT BLOCK PARTY, August 16, 5:30pm-9:30pm. Madera Fairgrounds, 1850 W Cleveland Ave, Madera. FREE admission. Food trucks, drinks, fun activities, music by local DJ.

MADERA DISTRICT FAIR, September 5th thru 9th. Presale admission tickets and carnival wristbands available at the Fair office, 1850 Cleveland Ave, Madera and super savers online, www.maderafair.com

COARSEGOLD PEDDLERS MARKET, Friday, August 30 thru Monday, September 2. An Antique and Collectible Show on Labor Day weekend at the Coarsegold Historic Village. Over 100 vendors, dawn to dusk, 4 big days, more info: (559) 683-3900.

CHOWCHILLA BACK TO SCHOOL DATES, Both school districts; Chowchilla Union High School and all Chowchilla Elementary Schools start on Tuesday, August 20, 2019.

WHAT’S HAPPENING— AUGUST 2019

FRIDAY, AUGUST 2: BINGO NIGHT, doors open 5pm, bingo starts 6pm, at Farnesi's - 203 Robertson Blvd. 20 games for $20. Presale tickets: Chris Marlow (559)706-6128 or Kathy Whatley 665-9591. Sponsored by Greenhills Lions Club.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 3: FUNDRAISER BINGO, Bingo starts 6pm. 20 games for $20 at Farnesis Steakhouse, 203 Robertson Blvd. Chowchilla. Presale tickets, call Susan White (559)645-2599. Sponsored by Chowchilla Youth Football.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 3: TENAYA GUILD YARD SALE, 8am-12pm, Chowchilla Fairgrounds –Little Theater, 5th and Road 16. Proceeds benefit Valley Children’s Hospital.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 3: FMAS LOW COST SHOT CLINIC, 10am-12pm, at Madera Fairgrounds, 1850 W. Cleveland Ave, Madera. Rabies vaccines, Dog/Cat vaccines combos, deworming, licensing. Cats must be in carriers, Dogs on leash. 1st Saturday of each month. Friends of Madera Animal Shelter (FMAS) (559)363-5106.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 3: SIERRA MONO MUSEUM 49TH ANNUAL INDIAN FAIR DAYS AND POW WOW, Gates open at 9am, Event Location: Minarets High School, 45077 Road 200, O'Neals, CA. Public welcome, food & craft vendors, dance competition! Info: (559) 877-2115

THURSDAY, AUGUST 8: NEIGHBORHOOD FARMER’S MARKET, 3pm-6pm, 1250 E. Almond Ave, Madera. Hosted by Madera Community Hospital Foundation. Info: (559) 675-5555.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 11: BREAKFAST WITH A VETERAN, 8-11am, 245 South 5th St. Chowchilla. 3 breakfast choices, Adults $8, Children (under 10) $5. Fundraiser sponsored by American Legion Post #148 and VFW Post #9896 Chowchilla.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 20: COFFEE WITH A COP – 8am-9am at Starbucks, 120 E. Robertson Blvd, Chowchilla. Have an informal conversation with Chowchilla Chief of Police Dave Riviere and law enforcement officers. You can ask questions and share thoughts.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 23: FRIDAY NIGHT GOSPEL SING, 6pm, every Friday. Good News Ministries -1930 Modoc St., Madera. All are welcome, for more info: (559) 674-2650.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 27: CHOWCHILLA CITY COUNCIL MEETING, at City Hall –130 S. Second St., 7pm –10pm. Info (559) 665-8615.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 5 THRU SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 8: MADERA DISTRICT FAIR, Presale admission tickets and carnival wristbands available at Madera Fair office and supersavers online at www.maderfair.com All concerts FREE with paid gate admission.

TODAY’S QUOTE: ‘‘My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.” —Jimmy Carter

ANIMAL FACT: A male rabbit is called a buck, and a female rabbit is called a doe. A baby rabbit is called a kit, which is short for kitten.

R and L HOUSE CLEANING SERVICES

We clean houses, windows, offices,

WE DO IT ALL! • 15 yrs experience.

(559) 718-9941 or (559) 514-9816

Our first day at a resort my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?" "Sure," she said, "but I have to finish the rest of the rooms beforehand."

It is a proven Scientific fact, that things expand when under immense heat... I'm not fat, I'm really hot.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay. He woke up.

Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? All the fans left!

I take my problems with a grain of salt . . .a slice of lime . . .and a shot of tequila.

Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. HELP end the violence. Eat bacon!

BETCHA DIDN’T KNOW: According to The Old Farmer's Almanac, the Dog Days of summer are traditionally the 40 days beginning July 3 and ending August 11, which coincide with the dawn rising of Sirius, the Dog Star. This is soon after the Summer Solstice, which of course also indicates that the worst summer heat will soon set in.

How Hot Is It? *The cows are giving evaporated milk. *Hot water now comes out of both taps. *The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. *Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. *Your car overheats before you drive it *If the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn . . . .

Interesting, isn’t it, that "take out" refers to food, romantic dating, and assassination.

A boss announces to his staff: “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!” A voice in the background says: “I’m offering 200!”

The happiest people don’t have the best of everything. They make the best of everything they have.

One shop owner asks another, “So, have you had any reactions yet to your ad that you’re looking for a night guard?” “Yeah, we got robbed last night.”

TRIVIA In 1939 Bill Hewlett and David Packard decided to formalize their partnership. They tossed a coin to decide whether the company they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard (HP) or Packard-Hewlett (PH).

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? A waist of time.

A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.

A man is reading his newspaper and says to his wife: “Honey, look. Here’s an article about how women use twice as many words per day as men do.” The wife responds: “That’s because we have to tell you everything twice”.

I read the mass chicken farms pump chickens full of antibiotics. Well, that would at least explain why chicken soup is so good when you have a cold.

A wife asks her husband: “Did you like the dinner today? “Husband replies: “Really, Shirley? Why are you always trying to pick a fight?”

NATIONAL PRESIDENTIAL JOKE DAY The holiday began in 1984, when Ronald Reagan made a joke during a sound check for a radio broadcast. “My fellow Americans,” he said, “I’m pleased to tell you today that I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.” Reagan was not aware, however, that his feed was live. And unfortunately, not every-one got the joke. Soviet officials got word of the broadcast and put the military on high alert. Once the threat of nuclear war had abated, Americans found the situation hilarious, and decided to memorialize Reagan’s famous quip by instituting National Presidential Joke Day on August 11th.

I was the best door-to-door security alarms salesmen for many years running. The trick was to just leave a brochure on the kitchen table if there was nobody home.

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning. The surprised girl said, “What was that?” The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!” The girl slapped him soundly. “What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek. The girl said, “Customer feedback!”