Alabama Poverty Project • 1016 19th Street South • P.O. Box 55058 • Birmingham, AL 35255 205.939.1408 voice • 205.933.7774 fax • www.alabamapossible.org

Five Elements of Relational Ministry 1. Active Listening In today's society it is extremely hard to be a truly active listener. But if you want those to whom you minister to feel valued and appreciated, then this must be your first step. When people realize that you care and make an effort to listen to them, making an emotional connection will become easier. Most people just want to be listened to. To actively listen: make eye contact, don't interrupt, and don't formulate your response in your head while the other person is talking. The focus should be completely on the person, not your response to them. 2. Withholding Judgment One of the biggest turn-offs of religion, especially for teens, is the feeling of being judged. In order to build a real emotional connection one must withhold judgment. This does not mean that you have to condone immoral action, or even support it, but you must not let the negative actions of those in your ministry affect how you see them as a person. It is OK to tell them (and many times you should) that you disagree with actions that they take, but you must ALWAYS love them. Likewise, affirm good decisions they make-praise is always more effective then punishment. 3. Kind but Firm Discipline Bad discipline can ruin a good time for anyone, and not only do teens especially need discipline, they secretly want and thrive on it. Unless otherwise necessary, it is helpful to discipline in private while providing explanations concerning why what the student did was wrong, as well as explaining the desired punishment. Discipline should never be humiliation, should encourage mutual respect, and should always be done with love and in the best interest of the student. Note: Sometimes even adults need discipline or chastisement. 4. Servant Leadership The best leaders lead by example and by service, acquiring authority rather than power. Servant leaders need the following qualities: listening, empathy, healing, awareness, persuasion, conceptualization, foresight, stewardship, growth and building community. Those to whom you minister should be able to recognize in you everything that you want them to be. Servant-leaders achieve results by giving priority attention to the needs of their colleagues and those they serve. Lead by example, and serve as a humble steward! 5. Be Fun Fun people are irresistible to be around. Whether you're with youth, family, friends, coworkers, the sick, or the marginalized of any form, try to have fun. Even if you yourself are not the source of the fun, when people see that you are able to loosen up and have fun, they are more likely to open up, trust you, and make an emotional connection. You may not think yourself the "fun" person, but it's really just an attitude of being open to new experience and being able to show your positive emotions in public. Give it a try: it will make a world of difference!

Alabama Poverty Project • 1016 19th Street South • P.O. Box 55058 • Birmingham, AL 35255 205.939.1408 voice • 205.933.7774 fax • www.alabamapossible.org

Five Benefits of a Successful Relational Ministry

1. Authority If your ministry is successful, you should start building authority with other people. Authority is merely influence and ability to motivate based off of respect and love. If you build relationships, people will respect you, and will be more willing to follow your example. 2. Community Another mark of a successful relational ministry is that it fosters a sense of community. The people become united in cause, identity, and purpose. This perpetuates a deeper emotional connection, gives greater authority to each community member, and begins to mold members according to the greater values of the community. We have all probably felt the benefits of community. 3. Respect A fruit of successful ministry is that others will respect you. If you listen to them, serve them, and have fun with them, it is obvious they will respect you and thus follow your (hopefully) good example. 4. Trust This is another obvious one, much like respect. Successful relationships are built on trust, and thus will grow in trust. 5. Development The goal of relational ministry, and any ministry for that matter, is spiritual growth and development, both for others and for yourself. This means that you gain new wisdom, understanding and knowledge from the relationship, and that you are nourished as well as the person to whom you minister. Relationships with marginalized people should also result in changed situations – moving those in poverty out of poverty. Adapted from R.D. Lang, “The Importance of Relational Christian Ministry,” http://hubpages.com/hub/The-Importance-of-Relational-Ministry