What is love

WHAT IS LOVE?

BIGQUESTIONS

The

What is love?

Are we alone?

Do animals think like us?

Wht is the point of me?

Is technology changing us?

What is death?

What is freedom?

What is good anbd evil?

Why do we laugh?

Is sustainability possible?

Other titles in the Big Question series:

Andy Coombs

Sarah Schofield

Steven James

Ulrika Wèndeus

Ola Gustafsson

Kristoffer Berglund

Kristina Aldèn

Johan Falck

What is love?

©Polar Fish Productions 2012

Chapter 1: The Big Question What is love?

Chapter 2: A Musician’s Eye Smile Smile

Chapter 3: Expressing Opinion What’s the Point of Love?

Chapter 4: Critical Thinking The Science of Love

Chapter 5: Graphic Novel Janek’s obsession with fire

Chapter 6: Counterpoint Unrequited Love – The Dark Side of Love.

Chapter 7: A Philosopher Speaks What is Love?

Chapter 8: Fiction Because, life is love.Con

tent

s

”Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves

alone – we find it with another.”Thomas Merton (1915-1968)

“To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply

gives you courage.”Lao-Tzu (6th century BCE)

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (1978 radio play) has this

to say on the subject of love:“Avoid, if at all possible.”

“There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started out with such tremendous hopes

and expectations, and yet which fails so regularly, as love.”

Erich Fromm (1900-1980)

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

Eden Ahbez, “Nature Boy” (1948)

What is love?

Chapter 1: The Big Question

1W

hat i

s lov

e?What is Love? It’s a tricky question. Looking at the classic literature,

schoolbooks, films and other media there is a definite

idea of love. Two people’s eyes meeting across a room,

candlelit dinners, heart shaped balloons and destiny

seem to be the most popular ideas. In some ways all of

these ideas are true. Love can be fantastic, giving you

immense joy and meaning to your life.

But there is a reverse side that is often forgotten or

deliberately ignored by most writers. Love can be won-

derful, but it can also be painful; really painful - like

your stomach is being ripped out of your body. It can

give us jealousy, hatred, betrayal, revenge and suffer-

ing. Crimes of passion fill up the courts while divorce

rates skyrocket. It is about time that we looked at the

subject of love from both sides. What is love and why

can it go wrong?

For centuries, philosophers, artists and scientists have

been studying love and its meaning. Is it the romantic

ideal of two hearts meant to be together for all time?

Is it a biological process designed through evolution

to keep people together long

enough to bring up children?

Or is it something different for

every person?

What are your first thoughts when

it comes to the idea of love? Is it

romantic, physical or friendship?

For some, love is the perfect union

of two souls; for others it is physical and sexual com-

patibility; for yet others it can be a close friendship

and understanding that develops over time.

The plain fact is that for many people, love doesn’t

last. The romance can run dry when you first hear him

snore or she leaves her pants on the floor for weeks;

attraction cannot keep you happy all the time and

friendships can turn sour.

hatred = hatbetrayal = svekrevenge = hämnd evolution = utvecklingphysical = fysiskbiological = biologisk hatred = hatbetrayal = svekrevenge = hämnd evolution = utvecklingphysical = fysiskbiological = biologisk

Many people in the western world will fall in love

more than once. During their teenage years and twen-

ties many people will try multiple partners while

looking for the ‘perfect match’. Many won’t ever find

it, moving from partner to partner throughout their

lives. But still people look for the classic ideal of love,

forever and ever.

In large parts of the world marriage has little to do

with love. Marriage is arranged by the parents based on

suitability of status, religion or finance. The children

themselves have little to do with the process. Love is

expected to develop after marriage. Is this method any

worse than looking for a romantic ideal that you might

never find?1W

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s lov

e?

Some philosophers have claimed that the whole idea

of romantic love is at fault. They claim that monogamy

and marriage are anti human and that we would all be

happier if we were promiscuous – sleeping with whom-

ever we want whenever we want. And yet we look for

love and companionship. Are we all just terrified of

dying alone?

Love has inspired the works of thousands of writers,

musicians and artists from the playwright and poet

Shakespeare to songwriter John Lennon; blockbust-

er author Stephenie Meyer to ancient Greek thinker

Plato. With each play, poem, song, story, painting or

thought comes a new insight into love.

Scientists have recently been stud-

ying the biochemical processes

behind love and the changes that

happen to our neural pathways.

Some recent findings point to a

complex interplay of chemicals,

biology and mind.

hatred = hatbetrayal = svekrevenge = hämndcrimes of passion = evolution = utvecklingphysical = fysiskbiological = biologisk hatred = hatbetrayal = svekrevenge = hämndcrimes of passion = evolution = utvecklingphysical = fysiskbiological = biologisk

I Love YouWhen someone says, ‘I love you,’ what do they mean?

There are other words that come to mind when we

think of love; trust, like, sex, respect and happiness.

The one fact that everyone seems to agree on is that

love is an emotion or feeling. It is intense and can easi-

ly lead to jealousy, mistrust and betrayal.

So love is something we feel. Normally a good feeling,

but not always. Like any important question, the more

you think about it the more complicated it gets.

I love my cat – but do I love my cat in the same way I love my grandmother?

I love curry – but I’m not going to take it on a date.

When I say ”I love you” to my dad, am I saying the same thing

that Juliet says to Romeo?

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And think how many times we use the word

love.

‘I love your new haircut!’ I love this movie’.

Sometimes, it seems as if the word love

just means the same as ‘like a lot’.

For poets, love is an ultimate expression

of the human condition. For evolution-

ary biologists, it’s a mechanism to help

continue the species. For philosophers,

artists, writers and musicians it’s a

wonderful source of inspiration and a

constant part of the fascinating puzzle

that is consciousness.

Let’s take a look at love – the good bits and the bad

bits – but before we do that…

1. Make your own definition of what LOVE is. 2. How would you describe LOVE to someone

who doesn’t have a clue?

discusshatred = hatbetrayal = svekrevenge = hämnd evolution = utvecklingphysical = fysiskbiological = biologisk hatred = hatbetrayal = svekrevenge = hämndcrimes of passion = evolution = utvecklingphysical = fysiskbiological = biologisk

Smile Smile

Chapter 2: A Musician’s Eye

1Sm

ile S

mile Beg You to Stay

by Smile Smile

Yeah I sing a lot about love

it’s only cuz I love you so much

I know you didn’t mean what you said

when you said that you were “movin’ on away from me”

baby don’t you wanna believe,

believe in all the things you can’t see?

don’t you see it in me?

baby I don’t want you to go

I wish you would consider this home

ask me if I’ll beg you to stay

and I’ll beg you to stay


Thinkin’ back on all we’ve been through

I never thought that we would be through

I can’t believe it’s happening now...

I don’t want it to end

I don’t wanna let go

really all I want you to know

is I love you more than you’ll ever know

I need a sunset

and I need your brown eyes

all we got ahead are blue skies

ask me if I’ll beg you to stay and I’ll beg you to stay

1Sm

ile S

mile

Smile Smile: Who are they? What are they? Smile Smile is a modern folk, rock, indie band playing

some of the most honest and exciting music around.

The band is made up of two people - singer/guitarist

Ryan Hamilton and singer/pianist Jencey Hirunrusme,

twenty-something musicians from Dallas, Texas.

The pair fell in love and started to write their first

album, Blue Roses, while planning their lives togeth-

er. Blue Roses is about their love, hopes and dreams.

They got engaged, moved in together and planned

their wedding. But then something went wrong.

Infidelity and all the pain that brings. The dream was

over. They broke up – angry and betrayed.

The relationship ended, but not their music. They

decided to tell their story – to use their art to express

what each was feeling. The result is Truth on Tape

– their second album of eleven songs (Beg you to Stay

is number two).

Jencey says, “The ironic thing about Smile Smile

creating this album is that if we would have never

broken up, then this album wouldn’t exist. I feel like


these songs are hopeful, devastating and so personal

to us. I hope that it can reach out and speak to anyone

who has had their heart broken…”

Ryan says, “This record is a break-up record. It’s about

our break-up. It’s our story and it’s true. We have no

intention of being mysterious about what we are to

each other or what TRUTH ON TAPE is about.”

1Sm

ile S

mile

Discuss and compose1. Love has been a major inspiration for musicians

throughout the ages. What is your favourite song about love? Why do you like it so much? Think about how it makes you feel and what images are used to explore love. Then discuss this with a partner.

2. Now it’s time for you to have a go. Individually or with a partner, write a song about love. It can be a celebra-tion of love or something darker. Don’t worry about the tune, that will come later!

3. Submit your lyrics to our website (hyperlink) and we’ll publish the best ones. Maybe a music publisher will see it and a star is born!

Jencey gives an update on what Smile Smile is up to now Ryan and I have started tracking our third full length

album with Salim Nourallah at Pleasantry Studios. We are all based in Dallas but will probably travel to Austin to record a few tracks also. This album is go-ing to be a departure from our last album which was told mainly from Ryan’s point of view. (It’s a breakup album though...so one person’s point of view will always be more prevalent.) For the upcoming album Ryan and I both split the songwriting duties to make

things a little more even. We will track through the fall and hope to release early next year.


Musicians answer the Big Question Big Questions interviewed Jencey and Ryan from Smile Smile

Andy: Thanks for taking the time to talk to us. For

this project, we’ve asked many people for their inter-

pretation of love. Both of you have examined love in

your music and experienced it in your own lives. So,

let me ask you first Ryan, What is Love?

Ryan: Jencey and I have been through a lot when it

comes to love. After going through it all, I have come

to the conclusion that love is simply a connection.

Whether it’s with a friend, a family member or a lover:

when you feel a strong enough connection, you feel

love. There are so many different types of

love, but I think when you

break it down it’s simply

when you care enough

about someone that a con-

nection or feeling is ampli-

fied enough to call it ‘love”.

Andy: How about you Jencey?

What is love?

Jencey: First, let me say this ques-

tion inspired me to start posting in our

blog which we need to keep updated

now that we are recording a new album.

You can check it the rest of our blog at

http://www.smilesmilemusic.com/?p=248

Throughout my entire history of Smile Smile I have

heard tales of love…heartache and that wonderful

feeling of falling and falling deeper into someone else’s

arms. I think that because Ryan and I have so blunt-

ly put our love and breakup on display so openly for

everyone else it makes it a little bit easier for people

to talk to us about their hardships or triumphs when it

comes to…love.

This brings me to answering the question at hand.

What is Love?

In an effort to not over think or analyze this answer

I’m going to give myself exactly the same amount of

characters that Twitter would give me. (Yes folks it has 1Sm

ile S

mile

come to that.) Perhaps this will be my elevator pitch

on love and immediately afterwards I will craft my

thesis on love and also submit that.

Here we go with the Twitter version…

True love is a commitment to never walk away. It may

manifest as physical desire but is in its purest form the

creation of a steadfast bond.

But of course, being the detail driven person that I

am I can’t leave the answer at that. I truly believe that

romantic love is a commitment and a choice you make

to dedicate yourself to someone. You should strive to

make that person happy every day, accepting them

for all of their faults and flaws. Love is also so varied

depending on the person, changing from passionate to

platonic, frenzied to steady. Love filters through our

relationships and interactions with everyone in our

lives depending on how we bend and shape our views

of the world around us. I have always said “I love,

love.” That has never changed. It never ceases to

amaze and hurt me. That’s ok with me.

Andy: Thanks a lot guys and I hope the new

album goes well.


What’s the point of love?

Chapter 3: Expressing opinion

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ove? Expressing Opinion

– What’s the Point of Love?Dian, Joe and Kate have been friends for years. Dian has just

broken up with his long term girlfriend, Arti. Now, he and Joe

are sitting drinking coffee in a local café. Kate is five minutes

late.

Dian: She just dumped me. I can’t believe it! Five

years. Gone. Flushed away.

Joe: You can’t talk like that. It’s not healthy.

Dian: Why not? It’s true. God, I’m so stupid. I didn’t

even see it coming.

Kate: Hi guys. What are you two looking so serious


about?

Joe: What do you think?

Kate: Not Arti again! It’s over Dian. You’ve got to let

it go.

Dian: I can’t. It feels like my heart’s been ripped out.

Like she ripped it out and then threw it in the

gutter.

Kate: That’s a little bit melodramatic.

Dian: Is it? You don’t know. You’ve never been in love.

Kate: Yeah I have. What about Simon?

Joe: That lasted two weeks.

Kate: But I loved him.

Dian: No you didn’t. You liked him a lot. There’s a

difference.

Kate: Is there?

Joe: Of course there is. Love’s a lot more powerful.

Kate: Really? I remember years ago you said you loved

your tortoise. But then it died and you just went

out and bought a new one.

Dian: That’s different. He was a kid. And it was just a

tortoise.

Joe: Hey! I loved that tortoise. I still miss him. I

remember he used to like…

Dian: Can we not talk about your tortoise? I’m trying

to explain to you guys how I feel.

Joe: Sorry. Of course. Go on.

Kate: But we know how you feel. Heart ripped out.

Sad.

Dian: But it’s more than that. It’s like I don’t feel real-

ly me anymore. It’s like half of me is missing.

Kate: But it’s not. You’re sitting here. Whole.

Dian: You’re not seeing the inside. What is in me. It’s

like things don’t have as much colour anymore.

This coffee doesn’t taste of anything.

Everything is … less somehow.

Kate: If that’s love then I don’t want it.

Joe: But that’s not love. That’s what it’s like when

love ends. But you know you’ll find love again.

Dian: How can I know that? I think Arti was the one

and now she’s gone, there’s no one.

Joe: What about us? You love us don’t you?3W

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ove?

Dian: Yeah. Of course. But it’s different. You guys are

my best friends. Arti was my soul.

Kate: So now she’s gone you haven’t got a soul? Is that

what you’re saying?

Dian: No. Sort of. I don’t know. It just feels like some

thing really important is missing.

Joe: It is. Love is gone. That’s what you’re missing.

Dian: But I still love her.

Joe: Ok. Maybe it’s being loved by her that’s

missing.

Kate: Again, if love feels like that, then what’s the

point.

Dian: No, I think he’s right. That’s not love. What I

feel now is her stopping loving me. That’s what

hurts.

Kate: So if loving someone can make you feel like this

in the end, then isn’t it better not to love at all?

Then you won’t ever feel like this again.

Dian: I see what you mean. You mean if I just like

people from now on then they can’t hurt me.

Kate: Exactly.


Joe: But you can’t live life not loving people.

Kate: Why not?

Joe: Because you miss out on so much. Being that

close to someone is fantastic. You share things

– ideas, thoughts, walks, touch. That’s what

makes us human isn’t it?

Kate: But you said I’ve never been in love. Are you

saying I’m not human?

Joe: No, of course not. What I mean is that love is

something that adds to us being human. It

makes us more that what we are.

Kate: That just sounds like rubbish. More than

human. What does that even mean?

Dian: I think it’s like if you have never heard music.

If you have never heard music then it’s ok. You

don’t know what you’re missing. But when you

hear music it becomes an important part of you.

Kate: So love’s like music?

Dian: Yeah. Maybe.

Joe: And if you couldn’t hear one song ever again you

would miss it. But you would still want to go 3W

hat’s

the p

oint

of l

ove?

and find a new song wouldn’t you?

Dian: I see what you’re saying. But it’s not the same.

Arti wasn’t just a song.

Kate: So was it worth it?

Dian: What?

Kate: Loving Arti so much and now feeling like this.

If you could go back in time and love her less so

you wouldn’t feel so bad now, would you?

Dian: No. I don’t think so. Maybe I’ll be able to think

about her one day without feeling so bad. You

know, remember the good times we had. Or not.

I don’t know.

Joe: One day at a time. And keep your eyes open.

Someone else might come along.

Kate: Or they may not. Just enjoy life. Stop moaning

and just live.

Dian: But five years! And then, to just dump me like

that. I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming.

Kate: I give up. You two can sit here and talk about

lost love all you like. I’m going.

Joe: Wait for me. I’ll come with you.


Dian: Hey! Who’s paying for the coffee?

Joe: You are!

Discuss1. Have you ever helped a friend through heartbreak?

What were they like; how did they act; what kind of things did they say? Do you recognise what Dian is saying and how he is acting?

2. Joe says that loving is much more powerful than liking. For you what is the line when you move from liking something or someone to loving them? Is this a simple line that is true for everyone or is it subjective to each individual?

3. Joe suggests that it is not being loved that hurts when a relationship ends. Do you agree? Which is more powerful – loving or being loved? Is it a necessary balance that is impor-tant in a successful relationship?

4. Kate asks if it’s better simply not to love to protect yourself from hurt. This is an old question for humans? Why are we so scared of being hurt and is love worth the risk of pain? Try making a positive and negative list of the good

things and bad things about love – which list is bigger? Does it change your view?

5. We all know that pain, physical and mental, fades with time. Dian will probably learn to love again. Why do you think that our pain fades and we learn to move on?

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What is love