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What Dreams May Come: Grief and Dreamwork By Michelle A. Post, MA, LMFT NAGC, Phoenix, AZ June 20 th , 2013 OneLegacy, A Donate Life Organization Los Angeles, CA [email protected]

What Dreams May Come: Grief and Dreamwork By Michelle A. Post, MA, LMFT NAGC, Phoenix, AZ June 20 th, 2013 OneLegacy, A Donate Life Organization Los Angeles,

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What Dreams May Come: Grief and DreamworkByMichelle A. Post, MA, LMFTNAGC, Phoenix, AZJune 20th, 2013

OneLegacy, A Donate Life OrganizationLos Angeles, [email protected] balloon floats into distance(Advanced)

To reproduce the balloon on this slide, do the following:On the Home tab, in the Slides group, click Layout, and then click Blank. On the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click Shapes, under Basic Shapes, click Teardrop (second row, fourth from the left). On the slide, drag to draw the teardrop.Under Drawing Tools, on the Format tab, in the Size group, click the Size and Position dialog box launcher, and then in the Format Shape dialog box, click Size in the left pane. In the Size pane, under Size and rotate, do the following:In the Height box, enter 1.66.In the Width box, enter 1.7. In the Rotation box, enter 133.Also in In the Format Shape dialog box click Fill in the left pane, select Gradient fill in the Fill pane, and then do the following:In the Type list, select Linear.In the Angle box, enter 90.Under Gradient stops, click Add gradient stops or Remove gradient stops until three stops appear in the slider.Also under Gradient stops, customize the gradient stops as follows:Select the first stop in the slider, and then do the following: In the Position box, enter 13%.Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors click Red, Accent 2, Darker 25% (fifth row, sixth option from the left).In the Transparency box, enter 0%. Select the next stop in the slider, and then do the following: In the Position box, enter 66%.Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors click Red, Accent 2, Lighter 40% (fourth row, sixth option from the left).In the Transparency box, enter 0%.Select the last stop in the slider, and then do the following: In the Position box, enter 100%.Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors click White, Background 1 (first row, first option from the left).In the Transparency box, enter 0%.Also in the Format Shape dialog box in the left pane, click Line Color, and in the Line Color pane, select No line. On the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click Shapes, and then under Basic Shapes, click Isosceles Triangle (third option from the left). On the slide, drag to draw the isosceles triangle.Select the isosceles triangle. Under Drawing Tools, on the Format tab, in the Size group, click the Size and Position dialog box launcher. In the Format Shape dialog box, click Size in the left pane. in the Size pane, under Size and rotate, do the following:In the Height box, enter 0.16.In the Width box, enter 0.11.In the Rotation box, enter 8. Also in the Format Shape dialog box, in the left pane, click Fill. In the Fill pane, click Solid Fill. Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors click Red, Accent 2, Darker 25% (fifth row, sixth option from the left).Also in the Format Shape dialog box in the left pane, click Line Color, and then in the Line Color pane select No line. Position the isosceles triangle on the slide so that the sharp angle touches the point of the teardrop.On the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click Shapes, and under Lines click Curve (tenth option from the right). On the slide, draw a curve (for, example, one that has four points). Press ESC to end the curve.Select the curvy line. On the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click the arrow next to Shape Outline, and then under Theme Colors, click White, Background 1, Darker 15% (third row, first option from the left).On the Home, in the Drawing group, click Shape Outline, point to Weight, and then click 1 pt.Position the curve on your slide so that one end is touching the bottom edge of the isosceles triangle.On the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click Shapes, and under Basic Shapes, select Oval (second option from the left). On the slide, drag to draw an oval.Select the oval. Under Drawing Tools, on the Format tab, in the Size group do the following:In the Shape Height box, enter 1.2. In the Shape Width box, enter 1.2.Under Drawing Tools, on the Format tab, in the Shape Styles group, click the arrow next to Shape Fill, point to Gradient, and then click More Gradients.In the Format Shape dialog box, in the left pane click Fill. In the Fill pane, select Gradient fill.In the Type list, select Radial. Click the button next to Direction, and then click From Center (third option from the left).Under Gradient stops, click Add gradient stops or Remove gradient stops until three stops appear in the slider.Also under Gradient stops, customize the gradient stops as follows:Select the first stop in the slider, and then do the following: In the Position box, enter 0%.Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors click White, Background 1 (first row, first option from the left).In the Transparency box, enter 0%.Select the first stop in the slider, and then do the following: In the Position box, enter 50%.Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors click White, Background 1 (first row, first option from the left).In the Transparency box, enter 81%.Select the first stop in the slider, and then do the following: In the Position box, enter 71%.Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors click White, Background 1 (first row, first option from the left).In the Transparency box, enter 100%.Also in the Format Shape dialog box in the left pane, click Line Color, and then in the Line Color pane click No line.Position the oval at the top, left edge of the teardrop to create a lighting effect. Press and hold CTRL, and then select all four objects. On the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click Arrange, and then under Group Objects click Group.

To reproduce the animation effects on this slide, do the following:On the slide, select the balloon and drag it off the bottom left corner of the slide.On the Animations tab, in the Advanced Animation group, click Add Animation, and then click More Motion Paths. In the Motion Path dialog box, under Lines & Curves, click Diagonal Up Right, and then click OK.On the slide, select the motion path and then drag the end point (red triangle) across the slide and off the top right corner.On the Animations tab, in the Timing group, in the Start list, select With Previous.On the Animations tab, in the Timing group, in the Duration box, enter 32. On the Animations tab, in the Advanced Animation group, click Add Animation, and then under Emphasis click Grow/Shrink.On the Animations tab, in the Timing group, in the Start list, select With Previous.On the Animations tab, in the Timing group, in the Duration box, enter 32. On the Animations tab, in the Animation group, click Effect Options, and then click the Show Additional Effect Options dialog box launcher. In the Grow/Shrink dialog box, under Settings, click the arrow next to the Size box and in the Custom box, enter 2%.

To reproduce the background on this slide, do one of the following:Note: You can save the background of this slide template as a picture and use it in your own slides. To use the same background as this slide, do the following:Right-click the sky background on the original template, and then click Save Background.Save the file as a JPEG (.jpg) file format.

On the Design tab, in the Background group, click Background Styles, and then click Format Background. In the Format Background dialog box, click Fill in the left pane, select Picture fill in the Fill pane, and then under Insert from click File. In the Insert Picture dialog box, select a picture, and then click Insert.Apply Gestalt techniques to reveal themeaning of dreams for the mourner.Describe concerns that caregiversshould keep in mind when doing dreamwork.

Identify the intersection of dreams withthe J. William Worden 4 tasks ofmourning

OBJECTIVES:The Agenda(Intermediate)To reproduce the shape effects on this slide, do the following:

On the Home tab, in the Slides group, click Layout, and then click Blank.On the Insert tab, in the Illustrations group, click Shapes, and then under Block Arrows select Chevron (under Block Arrows, second row, eighth option from left).On the slide, drag to draw a chevron arrow.Under Drawing Tools, on the Format tab, in the Size group, click the arrow at the bottom right corner launching the Format Shape dialog box.In the Format Shape dialog box, select Size in the left pane, under Size and Rotate in the right pane set the Height to 1.35 and the Width to 8.65.Also in the Format Shape dialog box, select Position in the left pane, under Position on Slide in the right pane set the Horizontal to .61 and the Vertical to 1.36.Also in the Format Shape dialog box, select Text Box in the left pane, under Text Layout in the right pane set the Vertical Alignment to Middle, under Autofit, select Do not Autofit, and then under Internal Margin set the Left to 1.4 and the Right to 0.1.Also in the Format Shape dialog box, select Fill in the left pane, under Fill in the right pane select Gradient Fill.Under Gradient stops, click Add gradient stop or Remove gradient stop until four stops appear on the slider. Customize the gradient stops as follows:Select the first stop on the slider, and then do the following:In the Position box, enter 0%.Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors select Dark Blue, Text 2, Lighter 40% (fourth row, fourth option from the left).Select the second stop on the list, and then do the following: In the Position box, enter 48%.Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors select Dark Blue, Text 2, Lighter 60% (third row, fourth option from the left).Select the third stop on the slider, and then do the following:In the Position box, enter 61%.Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors select Dark Blue, Text 2, Lighter 60% (third row, fourth option from the left).Select the last stop on the list, and then do the following: In the Position box, enter 100%.Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors select Dark Blue, Text 2, Lighter 40% (fourth row, fourth option from the left).Also in the Format Shape dialog box, select Line Color in the left pane, under Line Color in the right pane select No Line.Also in the Format Shape dialog box, select Shadow in the left pane, under Shadow in the right pane click the arrow to the right of Color and under Theme Colors select, Black, Text 1 (first row, second option from left), and then do the following:In the Transparency box, enter 60%.In the Size box, enter 100%.In the Blur box, enter 10 pt.In the Angle box, enter 90 degrees.In the Distance box, enter 3 pt.Close Format Shape dialog box.Type Topic 1 in the shape, then select the text. On the Home tab, in the Font group, select Segoe UI Semibold from the Font list, and then select 36 pt from the Font Size list. Also on the Home tab, in the Font group, click the Text Shadow icon.Also on the Home tab, in the Font group, click the arrow next to Font Color and under Theme Colors select White, Background 1 (first row, first option from left).Select the chevron shape.On the Home tab, in the Clipboard group, click Copy, then select Duplicate. Repeat this step one more time, creating three shapes total.Select the third duplicated shape. Under Drawing Tools, on the Format tab, in the Size group, click the arrow at the bottom right corner launching the Format Shape dialog box.In the Format Shape dialog box, select Position in the left pane, under Position on slide in the right pane set the Horizontal to .57 and the Vertical to 4.61.Press and hold CTRL, and select all three shapes. On the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click Arrange, point to Align and then to the following:Click Align Left.Click Distribute Vertically.Select text in the second chevron and change text to Topic 2.Select text in third chevron and change text to Topic 3.To reproduce the video effects on this slide, do the following:

On the Insert tab, in the Media group, click Video, and then click Video from File. In the left pane of the Insert Video dialog box, click the drive or library that contains the video. In the right pane of the dialog box, click the video that you want and then click Insert.Under Video Tools, on the Format tab, in the Video Styles group, click Video Shape, and under Block Arrows select Chevron. (second row, eighth option from left).Also under Video Tools, on the Format tab, in the Video Styles group, click the arrow at the bottom right corner, launching the Format Video dialog box.In the Format Video dialog box, select Size in the left pane, under Size and Rotate in the right pane set the Height to 1.3 and the Width to 1.71.Also in the Format Video dialog box, select Border Color in the left pane, under Border Color in the right pane, select Solid Line. Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors select Dark Blue, Text 2, Lighter 40% (fourth row, fourth option from the left).Also in the Format Video dialog box, select Border Style in the left pane, under Border Style in the right pane set the Width to 3 pt.Also in the Format Video dialog box, select Shadow in the left pane, under Shadow in the right pane click the arrow to the right of Presets and under Outer, select Offset Right (second row, first option from left).Also in the Format Video dialog box, select 3-D Format in the left pane, under Bevel in the right pane click the arrow to the right of Top and under Bevel, select Riblet (third row, second option from left), then set the Width as 8 pt and the Height as 6 pt, and then under Surface, click the arrow to the right of Material and select Warm Matte (first row, second option from left).On the Animations tab, in the Animation group, select Play.Also on the Animations tab in the Timing group, click the arrow to the right of Start and select With Previous.With the video still selected, under Video Tools, on the Playback tab, in the Video Options group, select Loop Until Stopped.Press and hold CTRL, select video and first shape. On the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click Arrange, point to Align and then to the following:Click Align Left.Click Align Middle.Select the video. On the Home tab, in the Clipboard group, click the arrow to the right of Copy, and then click Duplicate. Repeat this process once more for a total of three videos.Press and hold CTRL, select the last video and bottom shape. On the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click Arrange, point to Align and then to the following:Click Align Left.Click Align Middle.Press and hold CTRL, select the second video and middle shape. On the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click Arrange, point to Align and then to the following:Click Align Left.Click Align Middle.To reproduce the background effects on this slide, do the following:On the Design tab, in the bottom right corner of the Background group, click the arrow at the bottom right launching the Format Background dialog box. In the Format Background dialog box, select Fill in the left pane, under Fill in the right pane select Gradient Fill.Under Gradient stops, click Add gradient stop or Remove gradient stop until three stops appear on the slider. Customize the gradient stops as follows:Select the first stop on the slider, and then do the following:In the Position box, enter 0%.Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors select White, Background 1 (first row, first option from the left).Select the second stop on the list, and then do the following: In the Position box, enter 50%.Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors select Blue Accent 1, Lighter 60% (third row, fifth option from the left).Select the last stop on the slider, and then do the following:In the Position box, enter 100%.Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors select White, Background 1 (first row, first option from the left).On the Insert tab, in the Images group, click Picture.In the left pane of the Insert Picture dialog box, click the drive or library that contains the picture. In the right pane of the dialog box, click the pictures that you want and then click Insert.With the picture selected, under Picture Tools, on the Format tab, in the Size group, set the Width to 10.On the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click Arrange, point to Align, and then do the following: Click Align Center.Click Align Bottom.With the picture still selected, on the Home tab, in the Clipboard group, click the arrow to the right of Copy, and then click Duplicate. With the new picture selected, on the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click Arrange, point to Rotate, and select Flip Vertical.Also on the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click Arrange, point to Align, and then do the following: Click Align Center.Click Align Top.Press CTRL and select both of the pictures.On the Home tab, in the Drawing group, click Arrange, under Order Objects, click Send to Back.

2Intro to OneLegacy:One of 4 Californian Organ Procurement Organizations - OPOs (others cover San Diego, Northern Central California, and Northern Western California)Also eye and tissue donation organizationServe 19 million people Cover 7 CountiesLargest OPO & Tissue Recovery Agency in the world

3Intro to OneLegacy AftercareApproximately 2700 new Donors served a year 2 to 10 family members per donorup to 27,000 new donor family members per year.

4Our PhilosophyAdopted Dr. Alan Wolfelts idea of companioning a bereaved familyWe are not the experts on grief; we will take cues from the family to understand what we can do to support themWe will not lead the family in any direction, but be with them through their journey

5Our PhilosophyJ. William Worden, Ph.D.s 4 Tasks of Mourning.

Task I: To Accept the Reality of the (death)

Task II: To Process the Pain of Grief

Task III: To Adjust to a World Without the Deceased

Task IV: To Find an Enduring Connection With the Deceased in the Midst of Embarking on a New Life

Worden, J.W. (2009). Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy, Fourth Edition. Springer Publishing Co. LLC, NY, NY. Worden, J.W. (1996). Children & Grief: When a parent dies. Guilford Press, New York, NY.

6Who Supports the Family?After a family consents to donation, regardless of if we must medically close the case and not transplant

Minimum of 2 years of support from OneLegacy Aftercare Department: giving them follow up letters, grief literature, access to memorial events, grief groups & workshops, phone support, and referrals.

7More information?See www.onelegacy.org Register your wishes www.donatelife.net NOTE:**DNR can interfere w/donation if NOKs dont know your wishes or if Donation not in end of life documents.)

***Why some donor family members will NOT seek grief support: - judgment, myths and misinformation - peer-support groups & practitioners misinformed.

Please educate yourself on the topic of organ & tissue donation.

8Dreams - DefinitionDictionary- Sequence of mental images during sleep that appear involuntarily to the mind of somebody who is sleeping, often a mixture of real and imaginary characters, places, and events

9Dreams Research Review

10Dreams about the dead (Barrett, 1991)Paracelsus Swiss physician & philosopher:[If deceased] appear to us in a dream pay special attentionsome people that were sick have been informed [by the dead] what remedies they should use, and after using the remedies, they became cured.Pg. 97-98

11Dreams about the dead (Barrett, 1991)Part I: 1412 dreams compiled, 149 undergrads (Gender: 58m, 91f; Age: 17-25; Ethnicity: 128Wht, 9Blk, 12H), dream diary 2-6 weeks. 12% dreamed of deceasedPart II: 96 students (Age: 18-42; Gen: 39m, 57f; Eth: 84W, 2B, 10H) asked if ever had a dream about deceased where you knew even in the dream that they were dead 39% had these dreams12Dreams about the dead (Barrett, 1991)4 Categories:18% State-of Death: Deceased described what it is like to be dead, phone calls, lucid23% Advice: Delivered messages to living39% Back-to-Life, I didnt die (usually shortly after the death), or desire to change death circumstance29% Leave-taking, Chance to say good-bye, lucid

13Dreams about the dead (Barrett, 1991)Dream Series Trends:1st: Back-to-life (often disturbing)2nd: Advice dreamsLast: Good-bye dreams14Dreams about the dead (Barrett, 1991)Barrett Conclusions: Lucid dreaming can help people settle unfinished emotional businessFertile area to explore death attitudes15Spousal Loss and Dreams (Belicki, et. Al. 2003)Sited Kuiken (1993):Grief is strongest predictor of recurrent dreams among major life stressorsReminisce about these dreams while awake16Spousal Loss and Dreams (Belicki, et. Al. 2003)Conclusions: Deceased being alive earlier in timeDreams support redefining relationship (rather than grief resolution in orderly, timely manner)Dreams = good tool for studying bereavement* Study of one widowers diary17Dead Men Talking Post Death Contact(Klugman, 2006)Explorations of PDCs via empirical study with phone survey in NV:97% of people experience 2+ PDCs85% experienced a PDC via dreams of the deceased82% via hearing a song = a signType of PDC related to Gender, Marital Status & EducationConnection w deceased does NOT reduce over timeGender:women are more likely to have PDC experiencesrelated to sound, sight, touch, and association. However, men are more likely tohave the olfactory manifestation of smelling chemicals

Marital status:people who are currently married are less likely to experience many types ofManifestations

Education:The deceased is watching after a person, like a guardianangel, is inversely correlated with education level.higher level of education leadsto decreased religiosity (Shermer, 2000). Simon-Buller et al. (1988-89) found thatreligious orientation was a strong indicator of sensing the presence of a deceasedspouse. Therefore, those who are less educated may have a stronger religiousbelief which leads to increased reports of some PDC experiences18Dreams and Death (Cookson, 1990)Literature Review1) Fear of death2) Dreams related to bereavement 3) Dreams related to dyingGender:women are more likely to have PDC experiencesrelated to sound, sight, touch, and association. However, men are more likely tohave the olfactory manifestation of smelling chemicals

Marital status:people who are currently married are less likely to experience many types ofManifestations

Education:The deceased is watching after a person, like a guardianangel, is inversely correlated with education level.higher level of education leadsto decreased religiosity (Shermer, 2000). Simon-Buller et al. (1988-89) found thatreligious orientation was a strong indicator of sensing the presence of a deceasedspouse. Therefore, those who are less educated may have a stronger religiousbelief which leads to increased reports of some PDC experiences19Dreams and Death (Cookson, 1990)Literature Review90% of widows/widowers dream of spouseRetrieval/Alive-again dreams most common & occur anytime, usually not painfulSeparation dreams death is acknowledged. Can be painful/scaryConflict-laden dreams (process guilt/pain and ambivalent relationships) can occur when new relationships happen or purge possessions/change room.Gender:women are more likely to have PDC experiencesrelated to sound, sight, touch, and association. However, men are more likely tohave the olfactory manifestation of smelling chemicals

Marital status:people who are currently married are less likely to experience many types ofManifestations

Education:The deceased is watching after a person, like a guardianangel, is inversely correlated with education level.higher level of education leadsto decreased religiosity (Shermer, 2000). Simon-Buller et al. (1988-89) found thatreligious orientation was a strong indicator of sensing the presence of a deceasedspouse. Therefore, those who are less educated may have a stronger religiousbelief which leads to increased reports of some PDC experiences20Childrens Grief Dreams and Spirituality (Adams & Hyde, 2008)Theory and 2 Case Studies (UK)Spiritual intelligence = ability to address and solve problems of meaning and value in life.Siegel and Bulkeley (1998), Bulkeley (2000), Mallon (2002), and Adams (2004, 2005) all record childrens accounts of dreams several revealed dreams helped them overcome their loss pg. 611st case pet grief preparation for death & coping2nd case friends death

21Dream Research?UGH! More is needed on children!!!!

22

Theories23Dreams Sigmund FreudAttempts to fulfill wishes, arising during sleep, derived from libidinal urges Day residueReal meaning censored24Dreams Carl JungObjective every person in the dream refers to who they are (mom is mom); AND Subjective: every person is also a part of the dreamer25Dreams Frederick (Fritz) Perls/GestaltDreams contain the rejected, disowned parts of the Self, even inanimateEvery character and every object in a dream represents an aspect of the Self.You are the hurricane, the attacker, the broken down car, the bridge, and the dusty book.Must role play each object to fill your emotional voids and become whole26Dreams J. William Worden, Ph.D.Gestalt approach with 4 tasks overlaid.

274 Tasks of Mourning:Task I: To Accept the Reality of the (death)

Task II: To Process the Pain of Grief

Task III: To Adjust to a World Without the Deceased

Task IV: To Find an Enduring Connection With the Deceased in the Midst of Embarking on a New Life

Worden, J.W. (2009). Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy, Fourth Edition. Springer Publishing Co. LLC, NY, NY. Worden, J.W. (1996). Children & Grief: When a parent dies. Guilford Press, New York, NY.

28Dreams & 4 Tasks of MourningDreams reflect the task in which the mourner is struggling and we can help the mourner.

Examples:Deceased person appears to give permission to have a new relationship. Task?Mourner dreams of deceased person being alive. Deceased person appears and gives adviseDream re-hashes a guilt-producing action

Deceased person appears to give permission to have a new relationship. Task? TASK 4Mourner dreams of deceased person being alive. - TASK 1Deceased person appears and gives advise TASK 3Dream re-hashes a guilt-producing action TASK 2

29Worden WarningsCaregivers should note:Dont have to include deceased to be relevant.

If the deceased appears, note appearance (alive, dead, age, appearance) and process for meaning to dreamer.

Don't overlook dream fragments. Useful like puzzle pieces.

Caregivers should note:Dreams dont have to include the deceased to be relevant to mourning process

If the deceased appears, it is important to note the appearance of the deceased (alive, dead, age, appearance) and process those details for meaning the dreamer gives them.

Don't overlook dream fragments. Dreamers may minimize fragments, but putting them together can be useful in understanding as much as putting puzzle pieces together.

30Worden WarningsCaregivers should note:4) Let dreamer tell YOU meaning of dream. Don't analyze. Ask dreamer meaning of colors, animals, shapes, items, etc.

5) Look for any underlying themes of any dream series.

4) Let dreamer tell YOU the meaning of the dream. Don't analyze like in psychoanalytic work. Ask the dreamer the significance of colors, animals, shapes, items, etc.

5) Look for any underlying themes if the dreamer has a series of dreams.

31Worden WarningsCaregivers should note:

6) Anniversary of the death, birthdays, special days, etc. = common time to have dreams.

7) Teach to track (voice recorder/pad next to bed) as soon as awaken.

8) If "I don't dream, encourage "maybe, just maybe you will start to dream now that we've started therapy/grief support/talking about dreams" OR tell mourner close eyes and picture person who died, imagine what he/she looks like. What would you say to each other?

6) It is not unusual for the mourner to have dreams around the anniversary of the death, birthdays, special days, etc. Ask mourners if they are having any dreams

7) teach them to track them with a voice recorder next to their bed or a pad of paper to record the dream as soon as they awaken.

8) Even if they say "I don't dream", just encourage "maybe, just maybe you will start to dream now that we've started therapy/grief support/talking about dreams". At minimum, my colleague Mike Meador suggested to tell the mourner to close their eyes and ask them to picture the person who died, imagining what the person looks like and what they would say to each other.

32Worden WarningsCaregivers should note:9) Attachments - not all equal. Dreams give clues to attachment issues with the person who died.

10) Nightmares: teach coping and lucid re-occurrences. Perhaps you will have the dream again with a different ending, one of triumph?

11) Most children who reported dreams described them as positive and stated they were not afraid of the deceased person appearing to them in a dream. * Harvard Child Bereavement study

9) Attachments - not all equal. Dreams give clues to attachment issues with the person who died.

10) Nightmares: teach coping and lucid re-occurrences. Perhaps you will have the dream again with a different ending, one of triumph?

11) Most children who reported dreams described them as positive and stated they were not afraid of the deceased person appearing to them in a dream. * Harvard Child Bereavement study 33Michelles added suggestionCaregivers should note:

12) Re: Deceased person is not appearing in the mourners dreams, mourner wants to. Normal! Dont pressure or judge self.May receive messages of comfort through other symbols. Are others in family/friends dreaming of deceased w messages? Suggest start a conversation about dreams w others.

12) Re: Deceased person is not appearing in the mourners dreams, mourner wants to. Normal! May receive messages of comfort through other symbols. Are others in family dreaming of deceased w messages and sending messages to the mourners I am working with. In my experience, sometimes a more distant relative or friend will have a dream first and sometimes be afraid to share out of fear of upsetting the mourner. If this matters to the person I am working with, I suggest they explore and open up the conversation about dreams with their friends and family without pressuring themselves or judging themselves for not dreaming of the deceased person.

34

Lucid Dreaminghttp://www.wikihow.com/Lucid-Dream

35Lucid Dreaming#1During day: Repeatedly ask "Am I dreaming" Perform reality checks.

*With practice, youll automatically remember it during your dreams and do it.

36Lucid Dreaming#2Keep a dream journalPad or voice recorder Close to bedRecord immediately

*Helps your brain know you want to remember* Recognize dream patters and signs

37Lucid Dreaming#3 Learn the best time to Lucid dream (sleep schedule?)Most common - Nap a few hours after waking in morning

REM > right before final waking

Dreams ~ 60 min cycles Interrupted dreams = > memory

38Lucid Dreaming#4 Stephen Laberges mnemonic induction of lucid dreaming (MILD) techniqueSet alarm 4.5, 6 or 7.5 hrs after sleepTry to remember dreamReturn to sleep, imagining you are in your previous dream & aware you are dreaming. I will be aware that Im dreaming, sleep.If random thoughts, repeat imagining & self-suggestion

39Lucid Dreaming#5 Attempt WBTB (Wake Back To Bed) Technique. *Most successfulSet alarm 5 hrs after sleep

After wake, stay up for an hour with mind focused on lucidity only

Go back to sleep using the MILD

40Lucid Dreaming#6 WILD (Wake Initiated Lucid Dream) Technique. Carry awareness from awake directly into REM and start out as a lucid dream.Easiest = afternoon nap or if only 3-7 hrs of sleep

Meditate into calm, focused stated (counting breaths; imagining climbing up or down stairs; drop through solar system)

Listen to Theta binaural beats for a time until into REM sleep

41Lucid Dreaming#7 Diamond Method of meditation:Visualize life awake and dream-life as facets on a diamond. All life happens at onceDream Body and Awake Body are the sameShift awareness into dream state

42Lucid Dreaming#8 Mark A = Awake on your palm.

Check palm during the day.Check palm when dreaming.

43Lucid Dreaming#9 Reality Checks every time something seems unusual. Must do while awake. DILD Dream Induced Lucid Dreams Look at clock to see if it stays constantLook at text, look away, look back to see if it changedFlip light switchLook in a mirror (usually appears blurry, but can appear disfigured or how you see yourself)Pinch nose closed and try to breatheGlance at hand and ask, Am I dreaming?, often more or less than 5 fingers if dreaming.Jump in air and able to fly if dreaming.Poke self. If dream, flesh might be more elastic or can push finger through palm.Lean again a wall. In dreams, often fall through walls.

44Lucid Dreaming#10 Prolong a lucid dream by:Spinning bodyFalling backwardRubbing your handsIf spin or fall, may end up in new space. If feel a dream shakes or fading, look down to the ground and visualize your surroundings reminding self that you are dreaming

45Lucid Dreaming#11 Review Dream JournalPatterns?Dream signs?

46Lucid Dreaming Modified Hand Tech#12Stare at palms for 30 min, repeat I will dream aboutTurn light off, sleepWhen awake in night, look at hand and repeat and intend to see hand in dream

47Lucid Dreaming Other tipsSupplements can help. An Amino Acid Blend made up of 2000mg L-aspartic acid, 4000mg L-glutamine, and 300mg L-theanine can substantially increase your odds of having a Lucid Dream. Galantamine used with Choline bitartrate or Alpha-GPC can dramatically increase your odds of becoming Lucid. 5-HTP is the immediate precursor of serotonin, and can increase your odds of having a Lucid Dream greatly. Fish Oil helps recall dreams. Ginko Biloba may have a similar effect to B6. Vitamin B6 can increase dream vividness. (Bananas, Most fish) a low dose of caffeine (a caffeinated tea, for instance) shortly before sleeping.

When recalling a dream upon waking, try not to move. Activating your muscle neurons can make it more difficult to access the parts of your brain that allow you to recall your dream. 48Lucid Dreaming Modified Hand TechIf you cannot remember the dream, focus on the feelings that you felt. Trying too hard to remember the dream will only take your mind away from it. Chances are your mind will think of everything but the dream. Do not drink any fluids for one hour prior to sleeping. The last thing you want is to wake up from successfully lucid dreaming just because you had to use the bathroom. If you want to dream about something or someone specifically, as you slip into a light sleep, think about that person or that object. The way it feels, the way it looks, the way it smells, etc.. This will cause your mind to focus on that object or person and chances are your dream will reflect upon it. 49Lucid Dreaming Modified Hand TechIf you find the dream is not going how you want it to, "close your eyes" for a bit and then open very forcefully. It might not work the first time but you will eventually end up actually opening them. Do not use a radio alarm clock. If you hear talking or a song, it will distract you and may clear the dream out of your head. If you have to use a radio alarm clock, don't think about what is playing and quickly turn it off. Alternatively, change the radio setting to a non-assigned frequency so the alarm creates static (white noise). 50Literature References:Adams K., & Hyde, B (2008). Childrens grief dreams and the theory of spiritual intelligence. Dreaming, 18, 58-67.

Barrett, D. (1991). Through a glass darkly: images of the dead in dreams. Omega, 24, 97- 108.

Belicki, K., Gulko, N., Ruzycki, K, and Aristotle, J. (2003). Sixteen years of dreams following spousal bereavement. Omega, v. 47 (2), 93-106.

Cookson, K. (1990). Dreams and death: an exploration of the literature. Omega. 21, 259- 281.

Klugman, C. M. (2006). Dead Men Talking: Evidence of Post Death Contact and Continuing Bonds. Omega, v. 53 (3), 249-262.

Worden, J.W. (1996), Children and Grief: When a parent dies. Pages 140-147. Guilford Press, New York, NY. 51Worden Additional References:Cooper, C. (1999). Children's dreams during the grief process. Professional school counseling, 3. 137-140.

Garfield, P. 1997 the dream messenger: how dreams of the departed bring healing gifts. Simon & Schuster - ok for clients too. Kuiken, D., Dunn, S., & LoVerso, T. (2008). Expressive writing about dreams that follow trauma and loss. Dreaming, 18, 77-93.Moss, E. (2002). Working w dreams in a bereavement therapy group. International journal of group psychotherapy, 52, 151-170.Volkan, V. (1971). A study of patient's 're-grief work' through dreams, psychological tests and psychoanalysis. Psychiatric Quarterly, 45, 255-273.Wray, T.J., & Price, A.B. (2005). Grief dreams: How they help heal us after the death of a loved one. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.52