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WALKING THIS VALLEY- Tucson Chapter Vol. 38 No. 3 May-June 2020
************************************************************************* We’re sorry for the reason you’re here, but we’re glad you’ve found us-Tucson TCF Tucson Chapter Meetings: Christ Church United Methodist 655 N. Craycroft Second and Fourth Wednesdays, 7-9pm May 13, 27 June 11, 25 July 9, 23 Times and Dates have not changed, however our format has. Zoom invites are being sent by email. If you have not received an invite, please call and leave a message with your name and correct email. We will return your call to verify the information. We will post on our website and Facebook when we will resume face to face meetings.
Past Events: April 4: Our Annual Ice Cream Social and Remembrance is postponed not cancelled. The date is yet to be determined. Attached are photos from previous years.
Tucson Chapter
P.O. Box 30733
Tucson, AZ 85751-0733
(520) 721-8042
www.tucsontcf.org
National Headquarters
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522
Toll free (877) 969-0010
www.compassionatefriends.org
Welcome!
All bereaved parents, grandparents, and adult siblings are welcome at our support group meetings. Here you will find comfort, caring people, and most of all-HOPE. Coming to the first meeting is hard, but you have nothing to lose and much to gain. For
many it is the first real step toward healing. Although it may seem overwhelming, we encourage you to come to several meetings to give yourself a chance to become comfortable. The hope of The Compassionate Friends is that those who need us would find us and that those that find us would be helped. TCF also provides information to help members be supportive to
each other. We are not professional counselors. We are bereaved families who want to help each other.
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May Birthdays
ROGER BEENE PHILIP BIGGERS ARI BLATTSEIN NINA BODEN ZACHARY BOSSELER JAKE BOUDREAU ERICA LYN BOWDEN MIKE CARLSON MONIQUE CELIA NOAH COHEN AUDIANNA MARIE COTA DREW DAVIS BODHI VINCENT DE SANTIS ANDRES (ANDY) DIONICIO EMILIA F DOYLE BRUCE EDWARDS CURTIS LEE EHLERS JOEL ESPINOSA WENDY FORD SAMANTHA FULCO JASMIN GAXIOLA TESSA LEIGH GRIGGS SYDNEY REAGAN HESS MISSY HALL JOSHUA HOLDEN NICK JOHNSON TRAVIS KATHREIN ANDREW KEATON AMY KRUPPENBACHER KEITH KRAGE KORY LAOS KENNETH LUIKART RICHIE LOPEZ MARIELLE MENTZER PANCHITO MEZA SCOTT MULLEN FERNANDO ORTIZ, III ARIANA PORTUGAL MADELINE PREIN REBEKAH MARIE RAY AARON JAMES "AJ" RACHUY NEAL REINACHER SHANNON MICHAEL ROSE CARMEN MARTINEZ RUSSO ROCKY STEWART STEVEN A SCANNELL SHERYL SCHUBERT JEAN E. STONE JESUS TARAZON-ROSAS CARA LYNN THOMAS GENE WATKINS MATTHEW UNTERRINER CARL WALDENSTROM SUSAN WAYNE MARINA MAY WALDRIP CONNIE CHRISTINE WILSON JUSTIN WITT CARLY ANNE WOOLRIDGE
May Remembrance Days
ANTHONY ABNEY MADISON ANGUIANO PATRICK BENSON MADISYN BERTSCH NICOLAS JOURDAIN BURCH ALLIE BURCH JAMES THOMAS BUSEY MIKE CARLSON BILL CARSON ELLILAH ROSE CHICO NOAH COHEN MORGAN COLE COLLEEN CONTER BODHI VINCENT DE SANTIS RYKEN EVERETT ANDRES (ANDY) DIONICIO JACOB EISNER ASHLEY FRANCO KEVIN GEIS GABRIEL ADRIAN GASTELUM JOSHUA GIBSON DREW GYORKE JAMES EDWARD HAINES LEWIS HARPER RICHARD HAYES STACY ANN HEMESATH TRAVIS HEGERLE MARKO JAKSIC WRIGHT SAMUEL JOHNSON NICK JOHNSON RYAN KNOTT JASON KRAUSE KORY LAOS DALLAS LUCAS/BECKER RYAN MCCRAY GARETH OWEN THOMAS WILLIAM NEAL REYNALDO PARADA BRANDEN PEASE BRANDEN PEASE JUNIOR PHOTHONG ASHLEY REDPATH MADISON RODRIGUES LUNA SAYURI ROMERO JONATHAN ROSS BECKA ROSENWALD MATTHEW SCOTT DAVID SNEPP BETH STERN ZAKARY STORM AMY SVOBODA CARA LYNN THOMAS THOMAS FRANCIS TAAFFE II JUDY TIPTON DAN TOMASKO ANTONIO TORRES AMANDA VIVIAN LIANE WILSON CARLY ANNE WOOLRIDGE CALUM GAYNOR
MAKAYLA SOPHIA GUNDERSON HECTOR MANUEL SANCHEZ III
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The Wariness of Grief Posted on April 8th, 2020 www.compassionatefriends.org I am from the South. My parents were both Southerners. I have never lived outside the South, in spite of the fact that some would claim Northern Virginia, where I lived for almost 40 years, is not really “part of the South.” I maintain that it is. Friendliness is an entrenched southern virtue. I was indoctrinated in friendliness from a young age. It also happened to be an easy fit with my natural personality and disposition. My husband alleges I can “talk to a post.” He’s probably right about that. For my whole life, I have had many friends in many places; friends from childhood, friends from college, friends from work, friends who were neighbors. I made friends walking my dog; I made friends riding the subway. Once my children were born, I made friends with the parents of their friends, made friends with their teachers, made friends with other PTA parents and so on. Many, many friends. Obviously, I was closer to some than others. I maintained more regular contact with some than others. I did have some experience with betrayal and rejection, but it was not so intense or so painful as to make me abandon my natural open friendliness. It took losing my son to do that. I am different now. I think I am still friendly in neutral situations, but it is a guarded friendliness. When I walk the dog, I still greet everyone I meet on the street. I have conversations with many, but these are short, superficial conversations. (These are not to be confused with conversations I may have had with strangers on the street in my most acute days of grief. In those days, I occasionally wept on the shoulders of strangers.) I have become wary of people. I am wary of new people. It takes a certain set of circumstances, sometimes forced, for me to even confess to new people that I have lost a child. When contractors come to my house, I take down lots of photos and hide them so I’m not asked questions about any of the shrines to my son. It is rare for me to have such a feeling of safety with someone new that I choose to let them in on my secret. Sadly, experience has taught me to be wary even of people I’ve known a long time. I have been surprised by those I was formerly close to who have hurt me or disappointed me. Or who have disappeared. So, I wear my mask and conduct myself carefully. Recently, I came across this quote: “Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.” -Dinah Maria Mulock Craik So, under what circumstances do I feel this comfort? I feel it with my sister, with a few old friends, but mostly, I feel it with the other bereaved parents I’ve come to know through The Compassionate Friends. ~Peggi Johnson Piedmont, VA TCF
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Upcoming Events:
I know the upcoming events that are weighing on our hearts at this time are Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Like our child’s Birthday and Remembrance Day these days set aside to celebrate us can be heavy and difficult. I included multiple readings from TCF members including one written by a sibling. I know that my child has sometimes “forgotten” the day. I don’t know if this is because he thinks it is too hard for me or because it is too hard for him.
Mothers’ Day, “Before” and “After”
While sorting through boxes and bags, it is not unusual for me to find something unexpected. It happened just the other day. Shifting through a box, I came across a wrinkled, somewhat yellowed piece of lined school paper. I carefully unfolded it only to find a drawing of a stick-Mom and stick-daughter standing alongside a mammoth daisy. The mom and little girl were holding hands with huge lop-sided grins on their faces. In her little girl just-learning to-print handwriting were the words, “Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy. I love you, Kristina.”
Even six years later, little “gifts” such as these can bring fresh tears. It is times like these that I am glad that I was an incredible pack rat, especially when it came to saving things that my children have made. I can picture my then-blond, petite little Nina (her nickname), with the wispy hair, bent over the kitchen table, crayon in hand, creating that handmade card filled with love. Memories of breakfasts in bed, only to return to the kitchen after finishing the “gourmet” meal served with tender care, to find it in such disarray that it took hours to clean up! Even through the tears, these are the sweetest memories.
As I type this, I look at another gift from a Mother’s Day past; a little statue of a harried mom, surrounded by mop, broom and bucket, that says, “World’s Greatest Mom”, chosen for me at a neighborhood garage sale. I came across it accidentally shortly after Nina’s death, unearthing it from its hiding place. I wondered to myself, why I had packed it away. Did Nina know that I did and did she think that, by doing so, I hadn’t appreciated her gift? Did I ever thank her for it along with the other garage sale items that she proudly brought home to me, or did it show on my face that I really didn’t need any more “junk” around the house? Sometimes resurrecting these treasures can bring unpleasant feelings of guilt as we wonder if our children knew how much their little gestures of love meant to us. When our child dies, it becomes easy to second-guess ourselves, trapped in our fixations and exaggerations of the negative things that may have occurred during our child’s life.
The first Mother’s Day after Nina died was a grief numbing blur, as it occurred only three days following her death. Unlike previous joyful dinners out with my four children pampering their mom, we spent the day making funeral arrangements and choosing a casket for one of them. In the early evening, I overheard it said to someone else, “Happy Mother’s Day.” I turned to my own mother and apologized for having forgotten.
I could not imagine ever celebrating another Mother’s Day again. I am sure the dads have these same feelings on Father’s Day. My heart goes out to them, because I think we forget that they, just like us, grieve and hurt, too.
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For those mothers and fathers who have lost their only child, I have been saddened by stories told to me by them of attending church on Mother’s Day Sunday and when the pastor asked the mothers in the church to please stand, they were undecided on whether they should stand or not. I hope that they will always remember, and the fathers as well, “Once a mother, always a mother; once a father, always a father.” We are forever their parents.
If we are fortunate to have surviving children, they are often forgotten as well. In the early days, we become obsessed with the one who is missing. My own children showed quiet patience with this. I often wonder if they thought “What about us? We’re still here!” Now with almost seven Mother’s Days behind me, I try to accentuate what I do have. This does not happen overnight. I found that in celebrating my surviving children, I could still honor Nina’s memory and find ways to include her as well. I have developed a ritual where I get up early on that morning and bring flowers out to the cemetery. I bring a flower and a note to some of the mothers that I know who have buried children there to tell them I am thinking of them and their child. There is something very healing when reaching out to others. I then sit by my daughter’s grave-site on the spring-green grass listening to the sweet call of a robin. I bring her a flower and write in her journal telling her how thankful I am to be her mother, how much I love and miss her. That is our private time together; the rest of the day is spent honoring my other children.
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are holidays especially created for us. Try to get through them the best that you can, in whatever way feels right for you. Truly, only you know what that is. Whether it is alone those first few years or with people that you love and who understand, do something that you find comforting. It is your day, for you were the giver of a precious life – you held a miracle in your arms. Even as powerfully destructive as death is, even that cannot take those memories away from you - they are your child’s gift to you.
With gentle thoughts and peace on your special day,
Cathy L. Seehuetter TCF St. Paul, MN In Memory of my daughter, Nina
Anticipating Mother’s Day
Before we lost our children to death, Mother’s Day was a happy time. We each reflect back on Mother’s Days past…...gifts, cards, special memories and one day set aside to acknowledge the best in our relationship with our treasured children.
With the death of our child, this dynamic was forever transfigured. Now, instead of looking forward to this day, we grasp at anything that will keep our minds away from it. Yet the anxiety still creeps into our minds and hearts; our stomachs churn and tears fill our eyes at the most inopportune moments. The dreadful countdown begins in late April and lasts for nearly three weeks.
This is the fifth Mother’s Day I have endured since the death of my son. Each year I have the same, desperate anxiety, yet each year the day is a bit easier to handle. Each year the anticipation is far worse than the day itself…. “borrowing trouble” as my dad would say. Since
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my son is my only child, I do not have the comfort of other children nor do I have the need to put on a happy face. Instead, I am able to choose what I will do without feeling the burden of guilt.
While my first Mother’s Day was filled with tears, subsequent Mother’s Days have been more subdued.
The choice to embrace or ignore Mother’s Day is yours alone. Many bereaved mothers adopt a new perspective which honors their child and still gives normalcy to their family. Mother’s Day is bittersweet for us. The pain is part of the love that we will feel for our children for eternity. We wouldn’t trade one treasured moment for a cosmic reduction of our pain.
Some of us plan the day carefully. Some of us just “go with the flow.” Some of us weep; some of us work. Some of us read, some of us revel in this special moment set aside just for mothers. Each of us makes a choice that is based on our own truth.
The day itself is not nearly as overwhelming as the buildup of anxiety and sadness which precedes it. I have found this to be true of all holidays, birthdays, death anniversaries and special occasions. I am trying to live in the moment. When the moment of Mother’s Day happens, I will decide what I should do. I refuse to let others pressure me. I refuse to become maudlin over greeting card commercials and heart-grabbing point-of-purchase marketing efforts. I will not be manipulated by the agenda of others.
But on Mother’s Day, as on each day of the year, I will think of my son, remembering the child he was and the man he became. I will honor his life by doing the best I can with what is left of my life. I will remain in the moment and treasure my memories. And for this mother, that is enough.
-Annette Mennen Baldwin In memory of my son, Todd Mennen TCF, Katy, TX
Father’s Day
I just finished watching another miserable cologne commercial on TV. For some reason these
are the first signs of the upcoming holiday, commercials that are only shown at Christmas and
Father’s Day to give wives and kids some idea of what to get Dad to celebrate a gift-oriented
holiday.
Like the other fathers who read this newsletter, I know the gift I’d like to get this Father’s Day,
just as I know there is no way that it will happen. My son’s life. An opportunity not to hurt when I
see boys who are the age my son should be now. A chance to dream those dreams for that little
boy again. But that’s not going to happen. Instead I will get up on that day, having called and
wished my father a happy day the night before, and go to the florist for the flowers I will place on
my son’s grave. I will stand alone and cry for a time, then return home to my wife and our infant
son. This year will have a greater measure of peace due to young Dan’s arrival, but I shall
always have that Alex-sized hole in my soul, a longing that I know I will have until I too die.
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Like many bereaved fathers I have felt the lack of understanding of the non-bereaved on how a father should mourn his child’s death, and for how long. I do not understand how a society can have such belief in the strength of maternal love, and do such a good job of ignoring the intensity of paternal love. From the people whose only question at Alex’s memorial service was on how my wife was dealing with this tragedy, to the long-time friend who didn’t understand my choking up after watching a Hallmark Card commercial last year, the majority of people around us seem to have difficulty with the thought that a father may need to grieve for his deceased child just as much as a mother might. So that is where some support and love is needed, and needed badly. Of course we have Compassionate Friends, but something more personal and closer to home is needed. In a recent newsletter there was a note from a bereaved mother from New Jersey asking fathers and siblings to be understanding of a grieving mother’s needs on Mother’s Day. I agree, but I would also hope that you ladies will not forget your husbands this Father’s Day as well. It is frequently said that we males don’t often talk of our emotional needs, and are reluctant to show our pain, but we need love and ‘warm fuzzies’ when we hurt also. Please remember us on Father's Day Sunday, and please remember also that those cute little sentimental commercials that hurt you in May, take their toll on us in June. There are definitely times when I can do without Old Spice, McDonalds, Hallmark, and AT&T.
Brothers, I wish you peace, comfort, and love.
Doug Hughes
TCF Cincinnati, OH
In Memory of my son, Alex
In Dad’s Lap Why does that phrase have so much meaning now? It used to be pretty simple. When I could find the time (not as often as I would have liked), my lap was a neat place to hold my young son for a few moments of special time together. Now—no son! Different use of the lap! Problems in Daddy’s lap. (Thank God a 7-year-old daughter is there too, sometimes!) Being male becomes a more difficult task. How can I properly help those who are dependent on me—or can I admit to myself and others that this is one thing Daddy can’t fix, like my son’s broken toys? Is it “manly” to cry in public? Or do I care about “manly” now? It seems like so much garbage when my future has a hole in it.
I feel depressed too. My wife’s suffering aggravates my own, which makes me angry at her for spoiling my attempts at coping. Maybe I should issue a household edict that “Richy’s name or the subject of his death are OFF LIMITS around me.” That should fix it! Except that my wife still looks at me, and I know what’s on her mind. Also, I keep thinking about it—and wish I had a better outlet for myself. Certainly not work, or sports, or—God forbid—a shrink (think of my image); I need someone who’s been there. My wife suggests we try The Compassionate Friends—maybe so! After the first time, I know it’s not for me. After all, where are all the men? Obviously, they don’t need it, right? Anyway, I go to TCF a few more times as it is one of the few unselfish things I do supportively for my wife, and my being there helps her. And when she’s better, I’m better. PRESTO—we’re both getting stronger again and still together and communicating.
Also, I listen to some of the other TCF members, and the message I get is that their “men,” by and large, are denying themselves the privilege of grieving, and are destroying their own
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marriages by forcing their wives to grieve quietly or not at all around them. That’s not manly, it's dumb in my book, and self-destructive too. So some men don’t like groups. Okay. But my solution is actually having results (for real), and I’m not suppressing the problem. My family and I will be scarred but not walking wounded. My particular masculine viewpoint is nothing special, except that I’m willing to share it in this newsletter.
Chuck Armstrong TCF, Pikes Peak, CO
In Memory of Richy
You were on my mind . . .
When I woke up this morning... You were on my mind. You were on my mind.
You with that genuine enthusiasm, like a kid with his first bicycle. You with the curiosity and excitement that dads love to be there for. There's so much of you still with me. Still with us!
It's not fair that we feel cheated or that we won't share your ways anymore.
But in reality, after all the tears and inner feelings of pain and sadness pass
We will have joy and great happiness because we shared your days. Your laughter. You. And when I wake up each morning It will be OK that you were on my mind... You are on my mind. That's a special place for you to be, because it will be forever.
Michael Tyler
TCF Lighthouse Chapter, Lewes, DE
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Open Letter to Our Siblings Dear Sibling, How can I possibly tell you how much I miss you? But of course you probably know - since you knew me better than anyone. No matter how much time passes, I still wish you were here to share our lives and the future I expected us to have together. Even though we fought and at times neglected each other, I just assumed that you would always be there. That we’d grow old together and remember stories of growing up and laugh at each other as we looked and acted more like our parents. That we’d share our joys and setbacks, and adore each other’s children. Your death has rocked me harder than I could imagined I’d survive. Ultimately, there are no answers to my questions. There is no replacing you and there is no solace for my grief. There is only the simple choice I make every day to live on in the honor of your memory and the love we shared. To strive to carry on the best of who you were. To cherish the brief time we have with others. To celebrate the opportunity to be alive. To have compassion for the pain of others as well as my own. To have the courage to love fully as I have loved you and to remember that you would want me to go on and find joy again. You gave me so many gifts while you were alive and I continue to discover the gifts in this loss. I am so thankful you were born my sibling. I would not have traded our time together for anything. You are always with me because you are a part of me.
Mary Lamourex TCF Marin County, CA
Ongoing Fundraiser: Tickets are $25 each or 5 for
$100. All money stays with our organization. We
will use the funds for room and storage rental.The Jim Click Millions for Tucson Raffle 2020 Edition has
launched!
Jim Click, Jr. is giving away a 2020 Ford F-150 Platinum as the Grand Prize in the 2020 iteration of the Jim Click Millions for Tucson
Raffle! This year, he is again offering a second and third prize; the second prize is two round-trip, first-class airline tickets to anywhere in the world (some restrictions apply) and a third prize of $5,000. Hopefully we will soon be able to have face to face contact to sell
tickets.
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June Birthdays
BILL ANDERSON IAN BEAL SUSAN M. BIEGER RICHARD BLAU MARK BRIDGEMAN TRUDIE CALE MARK CALHOUN, JR. KENNETH CHESTER TIM GOAR JESSE GELSINGER JORDAN CHRISTENSON DANIEL HART ISABEL DRENZEK COLLIN WILLIAM FORBES CLAYTON LEVIS KELLY HUYSER ANNA CECELIA GAXIOLA ERIC OGDEN TYGE IRSKENS II JAMES EDWARD HAINES TODD PIERCE NIKKI PACKARD GREGGORY RYAN KAISER NIKOLAUS SMITH DAVID SNEPP GEOFFREY STENSON AMANDA SUMAN DAN TOMASKO ETHAN STRASSMAN JULIO C. VERGARA LUIS JAMES TIFFANY JASE BRYER TINSLEY BRIAN WILSON PETER VELAZQUEZ MARTIN VALENZUELA JONATHAN ZINSLI TIMOTHY O'DONNELL LIEM MICHAEL O'ROURKE JARED SMITH ARMANDO MARTINEZ-PACHO SANTINO MARTINEZ-PACHO RICHARD NICHOLAS UMBERGER SABRINA KINSLEIGH WILLIAMS EMILY RACHEL SILVERSTEIN
June Remembrance Days
GENNA AYUP MICHAEL STEPHEN ACOSTA MIKE BALL ROGER BEENE MICHEAL AUSTIN ANDERSON ISABEL DRENZEK MITCHELL BARRINGAR ISAIAH BATES-SCOTT BRUCE EDWARDS MAVERICK CAMPISI AISLYNN TIANA DAVIS JORDAN FAULK GARY DURRENBERGER JOVAN ANTONIO ESCARCEGA CALEB FOSSLAND GABRIEL GALLEGOS DIEGO ANTONIO GADEA THERESA HEATH MORDECAI HARRELSON SYDNEY REAGAN HESS RYAN HORN REESE HOTTEN CHARLES "BUDDY" HOLLEY ERIC MIRANDA JACQUES MARGODT TIMOTHY ALLAN KENYON JR. TRINA MCQUEEN ISAIAH MARTINEZ AISLYNN TIANA MAGUIRE MADELINE PREIN SEBASTIAN MEYER ARMANDO MARTINEZ-PACHO SEAN SEGALL PENELOPE OSWALT BOBBY PARKINSON ADAM REICHEG ALEXIA ROBLES SHANNON MICHAEL ROSE TARA SWAIN ARIELLE IRENE RUBEN TAYLOR NICOLE THOMPSON DUSTIN YODER JASE BRYER TINSLEY MARIO VERDUGO JR KRISTEN YODER CHRISTIAN WATSON MAXFIELD LANE WILLIAMS NICHOLAS ANDREW SAN ANGELO EMILY KATELYN ARRIAYA TORRES
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AN IMPORTANT UPDATE FROM
THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
ABOUT OUR 2020 NATIONAL
CONFERENCE
Dear Compassionate Friends,
A few weeks ago, we wrote to you to share how The Compassionate Friends
(TCF) is responding to the Coronavirus pandemic and the challenges it has
presented for our national conference this summer in Atlanta, GA. Since that
time, we have been watching national developments and considering the many
issues surrounding our ability to hold the conference in July.
We want to share with you that we have made the very difficult decision to
cancel the national conference currently scheduled in Atlanta, GA, for July 24 to
July 26, 2020. This decision has not been made lightly, and we recognize how
important the annual conference is to so many of our members in providing
community, connection, support, education, and care. Our Board of Directors,
staff, Conference Co-chairs, and committee volunteers are as disappointed as
many of you may be that we cannot proceed safely and responsibly with our
plans for meeting in Atlanta this July.
We know that these are challenging and trying times we are all sharing right
now. Some are fighting illness or experiencing the death of a loved one due to
COVID-19, while others may have job, financial, or other losses. Many of us
are experiencing the sudden loss of control and abrupt change of what we knew,
triggering the deep pain of loss we are already experiencing from the death of
our child, sibling, or grandchild. We also know that having the support of our
TCF community is more important than ever as we experience our individual
and collective grief.
Because of this, we are actively and diligently exploring options for alternative
ways that we can continue to care for our community and meet some of the
needs that come through a national conference. Many details are involved with
this, and we will work through them one-by-one to find alternatives including
possible later dates for an in-person conference, and ways to connect virtually
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through this extraordinary time. We truly are in new territory since this is the
first time a conference has needed to be canceled due to significant events
outside of our control.
We have already seen many volunteers throughout TCF step forward with new
ways of serving our members’ needs during this time, and these examples show
the heart of The Compassionate Friends. Please know we share this spirit and
are committed to continued care for our community and leading the way with
innovative ways to engage during this time.
As your new CEO, the Board of Directors and I were particularly excited for
this first opportunity to meet in person when we were together in Atlanta this
summer. While I’m disappointed this won’t be able to happen in July, I remain
very hopeful and optimistic that we’ll all share meaningful time together before
long.
We’ll be working with the hotel to cancel existing July reservations. Those of
you who already made your reservations should receive a notification of these
cancellations soon. Additionally, those of you who are workshop presenters or
keynote speakers will receive a separate correspondence in the coming days
regarding this.
Please reach out with any questions you may have, and we’ll continue to be in
touch with you as we become clearer on additional options.
Stay safe, healthy, and well.
Shari O’Loughlin Connor’s Mom & Patti’s Sister
Chief Executive Officer
The Compassionate Friends
Debbie Dullabaun Dale’s Mom
President, Board of Directors
The Compassionate Friends
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Dancing in the Flame Though I am tired and weary,
My eyes continue to weep, And my heart denies me the comfort,
That I find only in my sleep. So I sit alone in the darkness,
Before the firelight, And stare into the flames,
On this dark and moonless night. As the flames leap and dance,
I am surrounded by an eerie sight, That evokes haunting memories, Brought to life by the fire’s light.
My thoughts take me back, To a time when you were here,
To times when laughter filled my heart, Times lost forever, I fear.
In the flames, I see your face, Your sweet and loving smile.
And I know that we will meet again, But I must wait a while.
These quiet moments of reverie, Bring comfort to my aching heart,
And tell me that you and I, Are never far apart.
Now my heart begins to lighten, As sleep arrives to claim,
The pain I felt just moments ago, Before I saw you dancing in the flame.
-Jacquelyn M. Comeaux Copyright 2001 Reprinted by permission of author
Chapter Steering Committee
Leader: Tara Chico
Co Leader: Sharon Farrell/Kirsten Bice
Editor: Diane Allison
Contributing Editors: All members- contributions wanted!
Outreach/ Correspondence: Donna Ruboyianes
Facebook: Debbie Russell, Cat Morrow
Website: Julie Shulick
New Attendee Coordinator/email blasts: Cat Morrow
Library: Debbie Russell
Treasurer: Sharon Farrell
Facilitators: Cindy Walter, Tara/Melissa Chico, Diane/Kenny
Allison, Deanna Dillon, Sharon Farrell, Cat Morrow,
Debbie Russell, Donna Ruboyianes
Regional Coordinators:
Barb & Gene Caligari, Chandler, AZ; Denise Dean
Photo buttons: We no longer have a button machine. We have snap together kits so that you can make your own. If you don’t see them out, just ask at a meeting.
Unless expressly stated, the views
expressed in articles, poetry, etc. in
Walking This Valley are not necessarily
the views of The Compassionate Friends,
The Chapter Steering Committee or the
Editorial Team. The Editor reserves the
right to edit any contributions.
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CRISIS HOTLINE INFORMATION
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
Suicide Hotline
1-800-Suicide
Depression & Crisis Hotline 1-800-784-2433
The National Institute for Trauma & Loss in Children (TLC)
1-877-306-5256
Families Anonymous (Addiction/Recovery) 1-800-736-9805
Al-Anon Family Groups (Addiction/Recovery) 1-888-425-2666
Post Partum Depression 1-800-944-4773
To contact the Tucson Chapter with questions on events, to volunteer, or to
submit articles/poems to the newsletter please email us at
The Compassionate Friends National:
Online Support information is available on the National Compassionate Friends Website
at www.compassionatefriends.org. There are over 26 private Facebook groups available for
parents, grandparents, and siblings. There are also “virtual chapters” through an online support community (live chats). Visit www.compassionatefriends.org/find-support/online-communities/online-support/ for more information and to register.
Remembrance Cards In order to receive remembrance cards during your loved ones
birthday month and the death anniversary month, you must individually sign-up, with your complete information, for the memorial book located on the national website found under the “Find Support” tab after clicking on “To The Newly Bereaved”
(https://www.compassionatefriends.org/find-support/to-the-newly-bereaved/).
OTHER TUCSON SUPPORT GROUPS
*Information & Referral Services: http://www.211arizona.org/
*Homicide Survivors, Inc.: 520-740-5729
*FOOTPRINTS-Pregnancy and Infant loss: 520-873-6590
*Tu Nidito/Children to Children: 520-322-9155
*Alive Alone http://www.alivealone.org/ -for parent(s) who have lost their only child
*MISS FOUNDATION http://www.missfoundation.org/
*Survivors of Suicide……. 520-989-0467
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A National self-help, non-profit organization for families who have
experienced the death of a child
THE TUCSON CHAPTER
P.O. 30733
Tucson, AZ 85751-0733
Return Service Requested
May-June 2020
Non-Profit Org.
U.S. Postage
Paid
Tucson, AZ
Permit No. 2296
