Week 13 - Assertiveness and Independence - 1HW12

Emotional Skills measured on the EQ-i

AssertivenessWhat is Assertiveness?The ability to express your emotions and needs without violating others rights and without being aggressive.

Making decisions without violating own rights or sacrificing own needsBeing comfortable to make a statement/action without fear of rejectionMaintaining a balance between being aggressive and being passiveAsking for what you want with confidence while respecting the rights of others

Emotional Skills measured on the EQ-i INTRAPERSONALSelf-regardEmotional self-awarenessAssertivenessIndependenceSelf-actualization

INTERPERSONALEmpathySocial responsibilityInterpersonal relationship

ADAPTABILITYReality testing FlexibilityProblem solving

STRESS MANAGEMENTStress toleranceImpulse control

GENERAL MOODOptimismHappiness

3TOO HighSeen as intimidating or aggressiveAlienate peopleCreate uncomfortable environmentTOO LowPassive or shyFears speaking outQuick to compromise

Assertiveness More on AssertivenessAssertiveness often relates to respectExpression of assertiveness should happen...Nonverbally (eye contact, tone, etc.)VerballyInteractivelyWhen used, assertiveness is not offensiveAssertiveness is not aggressionAssertiveness is scaled emotion

~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~Linda D Tillman, PhD12/11/2011SpeakUpForYourself.com5RESPECT Aretha Franklin Assertiveness is a philosophy of respect not a cookbook

All aspects of you have to demonstrate assertiveness to be effective and were working on those todayPhysicalVerbalEmotional

Self esteem issues behind assertiveness cant deal with those here, but therapy can help and nurturing self when you do well being on your own side

Assertive behaviour means saying what we want, need, feel, think or believe in in ways which are direct, honest and appropriate, but also respects the rights of those we are addressing - treating ourselves and those we work with as professional adults. It's the balance between passive and aggressive behaviour it is a compromise.

Lets have a look

I win, you loseI dont careYou win, I loseSometimes I win,Sometimes I loseWin, winhttp://faculty.nps.edu/ncrowe/oldstudents/bpowers_thesis_files/image002.gif

http://www.amazingpeople.co.uk/images/conflict-style-grid.gif

Assertiveness is standing up for your rights

Video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9U2IjnZ4zg&feature=relatedSelect the Response that is most AssertiveA Few Questions on Assertiveness1. What is the assertive response?Cousin Jessie, with whom you prefer not to spend much time, is on the phone. She says that she is planning to spend the next three weeks with you.

(1) We'd love to have you come and stay as long as you like.

(2) We'd be glad to have you come for the weekend, but we cannot invite you for longer. A short visit will be very nice for all of us.

(3) The weather down here has been terrible (not true), so you'd better plan on going elsewhere.

Retrieved from http://www.livestrong.com/article/14699-improving-assertive-behavior/#ixzz1ZOizeZQs

~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~Assertive Response is#21-Non-assertive2-Assertive3-Aggressive2. What is the assertive response?You have bought a toaster at a local discount store, and it doesn't work properly.

(1) I bought this toaster, and it doesn't work; I would like my money back.

(2) What right do you have selling me junk like this?

(3) You silently put it in the closet and buy another one.


~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~Assertive Response is#11-Assertive2-Aggressive3-Non-assertive3. What is the assertive response?One of your children has come home late consistently for the last 3 or 4 days.

(1) I have noticed that for the last few days you have been a little late, and I am concerned about that.

(2) The next time you are late, you are moving out.

(3) You mumble to yourself and give dirty looks, hoping she/he will be on time tomorrow.


~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~Assertive Response is#11-Assertive2-Aggressive3-Non-assertive#4. What is the assertive response?You are at the dinner table and someone starts smoking, which offends you.

(1) Hey, that smoke is terrible!

(2) You suffer the smoke in silence.

(3) I would appreciate it if you wouldn't smoke here.


~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~Assertive Response is#31-Aggressive2-Non-assertive3-Assertive5. What is the assertive response?You are across the room and someone is talking to you but not quite loud enough for you to hear.

(1) You continue straining to hear you remain polite.

(2) You speak out, "Speak up! I can't hear you if you talk to yourself."

(3) You stop, get the person's attention, and say, "Would you mind speaking a little louder, please?"


~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~Assertive Response is#31-Non-assertive2-Aggressive3-AssertiveIndependenceAbility to be self-directed and self-controlled in your thinking and actions Free of emotional dependencySelf-reliant in planning and making important decisionsConfident to complete tasks on own

Independence~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~21Emotional Skills measured on the EQ-i INTRAPERSONALSelf-regardEmotional Self-awarenessAssertivenessIndependenceSelf-actualization

INTERPERSONALEmpathySocial responsibilityInterpersonal relationship

ADAPTABILITYReality testing FlexibilityProblem solving

STRESS MANAGEMENTStress toleranceImpulse control

GENERAL MOODOptimismHappiness

~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~22TOO HighHate being told what to doAlienating others, isolatedWont ask for help TOO LowNeeds protection/support, lets others decideStrong need for approval, clingy

Independence~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~Striving for balance23What does independence bring to business?The fostering of decisiveness Illustrates the preference for quick and approximate actions over slow and approximate onesThe ability to be self-directed and self-controlled in thinking Natural leadershipConfidence in processes and interactions~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~ The EQi and the BarOn Model Intrapersonal is how we view ourselvestouches on the emotionalIndependence Part of the Intrapersonal Realm

Independence, according to this modelEQ inner core competency that highlights people as "self-starters" Know how to take care of oneselfStrong emotionallyStrong foundation on integrity High inner standards Ask for help when needed, but confident to move forward independentlyIndependent people embody the principles of coherence and centering, authority and stability, inspiration and leadership.(http://www.canadaone.com/magazine/eq080498.html)

~ Strategies for Success ~ The Lawrence Kinlin School of Business ~A balance in independence fosters great team work value the importance of independent input (if 2 people on a team think exactly the same, then we have 1 person too many)In-class activity: In groups of 3-4, review the case below and answer the questions that follow.Pat Curl is the newest member of a three-person crew for the local franchise of a national moving company. The team leader is Gene Kivett. Pat has concerns about some of Genes business practices Gene has asked Pat to do some private cash-only moves and has negotiated very low prices for friends with an agreement to receive cash under the table in return (So Pat suspects). Pat thinks that Genes actions are damaging to the companys reputation and putting Pats job security in jeopardy. The company guarantees anonymity to all individuals who report activity such as this. However, with only three people on the crew, if something happens to Gene, Pat is concerned that it wont take Gene too long to figure out who placed the call. What are Pats concern(s)? Is Pat justified? What are the potential problems here from ALL angles? What steps do YOU think Pat should take? What would assertive behaviour entail?

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Week 13 - Assertiveness and Independence - 1HW12