Alhanoof Alhosani 100035264

Brainstorm

Outline:1. Intro: Hook Thesis2. Body: Religion Family Hobbies

i. Riding horsesii. Shopping

3. Con: Summery thesis

Draft 1

Alhanoof Alhosani 100035264

Materially, things can make me happy but can it serve my craving for real happiness. As a person, some of us wake up each and every day and looking for happiness while others that whatever they have is what make them happy. Those who are rich because of their fame and wealth they can make happiness, some of those who are poor that they still eat at least three times a day. We humans sometimes seek and find happiness on material things and we forget the real meaning of happiness and feel thirst for them. However, what really make me happy that am a Muslim or I have a religion and the material things are my family and hobbies, such as riding horses and shopping.

When I feel sad I can pray for god and ask him for what I need, or read Quran while you are reading it your feeling will be different you heart and brain will be cleaned from anything bad. If in any day you wake up and feel nervous you can pray and start your day with smile. Smiling is something that our prophet Mohammed recommend us to do because when someone see you smiling he will smile also and feel happy also starting your day with smile will give you feeling of happiness and be optimistic.

Moreover, having a family is a dream of all orphans so thank god I have one. From the human expected they can't live alone they need someone to protect them, talk to them and share their feeling with them. That what families do if you graduate they will feel happy before you do; if you are sad they will do anything just to see your smile and when they are happy you will be too. For example, I have big family and we are like one heart last year I graduate I didn't got the mark that I want but all my family congratulate me and encourage me I felt so happy because they splurge with my marks.

Furthermore, hobbies are what you do in your free time or in holidays. My hobbies is riding horse and shopping. Since I was 5 years old horses is my best animal all my teddy are horses and read and watch stories about them. When you are up the horse with the breeze of the air come to your face you will sense that your free from the world and be relaxed, that feeling make me happy while am up the horse I live in my world all the thoughts disappeared for a moment. The best place and time was when we went to Turkey last year on Abant; it’s a city with lake and mountains, in the mountains the horses owners leave their horses to be around free without their materials, such as it breed. In this place I ride a white horse this

Alhanoof Alhosani 100035264

experiment was amazing I felt so happy they gave me the horse for 2 hours.

To sum up, everyone in this world have something make them happy someone money, family, hobbies and many things. To have a great life you have to find what make us happy and do it.

Draft 2

Materially, things can make me happy, but can they serve my craving for real happiness? Some of us wake up each and every day and look for happiness while for others whatever they have is what makes them happy. Those who are rich because of their fame and wealth can have happiness. Some of those who are poor still eat at least three times a day. We humans sometimes seek and find happiness in material things and we forget the real meaning of happiness or feel thirsty for them. In fact what really makes me happy is that I am a Muslim and I have a religion and my family and hobbies, such as riding horses and shopping.

When I feel sad I can pray to God and ask him for whatever I need, or I can read the Quran. While am reading it my feelings are different. My heart and brain are cleaned from anything negative. If on any day I wake up and feel nervous, I can pray and start my day with a smile. Smiling is something that Prophet Mohammed recommends to be doing because when someone sees me smiling he will smile also and feel happy. Starting my day with a smile will give me a feeling of happiness and optimism.

Having a family is a dream or all orphans, so I thank God that I have one. Most human expect that they cannot live alone and they need someone to protect them, talk to and share their feelings with. That is what families do. If you graduate they will feel happy before you do; if you are sad they will do anything just to see your smile and when they are happy you will be too. For example, I have big family and we are like one hear. Last year when I graduated I did not get

Alhanoof Alhosani 100035264

the mark that I wanted, but all my family congratulated me and encouraged me. I felt so happy because they ignored my marks.

Furthermore, hobbies are what you do in your free time or on holidays. My hobbies are riding horses and shopping. Since I was five years old horses have been my best animal. All my teddies are horses and I read and watch stories about them. When you are up the horse with the breeze of the air coming to your face, you will sense that you are free from the world and will be relaxed. That feeling makes me happy. While I am up on a horse I live in my own world; all thoughts disappear for a moment. The best place and time was when we went to Turkey last year to Abant; it’s a city with lakes and mountains. In the mountains the horse owners leave their horses to go around free. In this place I rode a white horse; this experience was amazing, I felt so happy.

To sum up, everyone in this world has something which makes him/her happy For some it is money, family, hobbies and many things. However, for me it is my religion, my family and hobbies. To have a great life you have to find what makes you happy and do it.

Draft 3

Materially, things can make me happy, but can they serve my craving for real happiness? Some of us wake up each and every day and look for happiness while for others whatever they have is what makes them happy. Those who are rich because of their fame and wealth can have happiness. Some of those who are poor still eat at least three times a day. We humans sometimes seek and find happiness in material things and we forget the real meaning of happiness or feel thirsty for them. In fact what really makes me happy is that I am a Muslim and I have a religion and my family and hobbies, such as riding horses and shopping.

Alhanoof Alhosani 100035264

When I feel sad I can pray to God and ask him for whatever I need, or I can read the Quran. While am reading it my feelings are different. My heart and brain are cleaned from anything negative. If on any day I wake up and feel nervous, I can pray and start my day with a smile. Smiling is something that Prophet Mohammed recommends to be doing because when someone sees me smiling he will smile also and feel happy. Starting my day with a smile will give me a feeling of happiness and optimism.

Having a family is a dream or all orphans, so I thank God that I have one. Most human expect that they cannot live alone and they need someone to protect them, talk to and share their feelings with. That is what families do. If you graduate they will feel happy before you do; if you are sad they will do anything just to see your smile and when they are happy you will be too. For example, I have big family and we are like one hear. Last year when I graduated I did not get the mark that I wanted, but all my family congratulated me and encouraged me. I felt so happy because they ignored my marks.

Furthermore, hobbies are what you do in your free time or on holidays. My hobbies are riding horses and shopping. Since I was five years old horses have been my best animal. All my teddies are horses and I read and watch stories about them. When you are up the horse with the breeze of the air coming to your face, you will sense that you are free from the world and will be relaxed. That feeling makes me happy. While I am up on a horse I live in my own world; all thoughts disappear for a moment. The best place and time was when we went to Turkey last year to Abant; it’s a city with lakes and mountains. In the mountains the horse owners leave their horses to go around free. In this place I rode a white horse; this experience was amazing, I felt so happy.

To sum up, everyone in this world has something which makes him/her happy For some it is money, family, hobbies and many things. However, for me it is my religion, my family and hobbies. To have a great life you have to find what makes you happy and do it.

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Alhanoof Alhosani 100035264

Drafting ChecklistErrors Draft 1 Draft 2 Draft 3 Other Drafts

Spelling (Sp)

Punctuation (P) 26 4

Verb Agreement (VA) 7

Verb Tense (VT) 8

Pronoun Referencing (PR)

Wrong Preposition (Prep.) 1

Articles (A)

Wrong Word (WW)

Missing word or Verb (MW or MV) 16

Word Ending (WE)

Word order (WO)

Sentence structure (SS)

Essay is in completed form This essay is completed.

Y | N

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Initial, Date

This essay is completed.

Y | N

_________

Initial, Date

This essay is completed.

Y | N

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Initial, Date

Organization

Introduction?

Topic sentences?

Conclusion?

Points follow logically?

Cohesive devices?

Strengths & Weaknesses / Lecturer’s Comments

Alhanoof Alhosani 100035264

Progress Overview

Errors I have reduced in this essay:I have reduced all my errors, such as punctuation, verb agreement, verb tense, wrong preposition and missing word or verb.

Areas I have identified for further work:I identify verb tens area because I felt that I need to practice more in it.

To eliminate these problems I will:I will read about the rules more and do extra work.

Alhanoof Alhosani 100035264

..My extra work…