Friggles: 26 More Thoughts About Stuff

My Last Lectures?

Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University, was given a short time to live due to tumors in his liver. As he quoted, “an injured lion still wants to roar”, and his last lectures are incorporated in a book entitled “The Last Lecture”.

On my next birthday I will be 90. Even though I am not wounded (unless ancient age is a mortal wound within itself), I realize that the number of days of being able to roar is limited. Yet I also think that Seneca was correct when he said the last fruits of the season are the tastiest. The articles contained under Manuscripts, including this one, are not the “last lectures” of a melancholy old man. I have been writing this kind of stuff since I was in law school. I started when I would return early in the morning from my week-end job of homicide investigation and writing became my drug. It became my way of making sense of things that did not make sense. I do not intend to be didactic or judgmental although it may sometimes come across that way. I do intend to cause people to think about stuff, to challenge some stuff and to figure out things on their own instead of following the herd. (Again, as Seneca said: “the men who pioneered the old routes are our leaders, not our masters.”) Critical thinking should begin early in life as it is the best approach to avoid many of the chuckholes on the golden brick highway.

You will find under Manuscripts, 52 short articles/stories entitled “Perspective” and then there are two more 52 Think About Stuff manuscripts. I started the 52 series hoping that readers would routinely read the articles, say one a week, and discuss with others who have also read them. I found that listening to the Seven Habits by Covey weekly and then discussing the topics routinely with family and friends was my best learning technique. By “learning” I do not mean rote memory but thinking about stuff that I can and will use during my life. There are 26 more in this series, and another 26 in the series to follow.

This is NOT my last lecture, nor are they lectures, but thoughts that I have written which may have some interest or value to the reader. My 90th birthday will be just another day in my life, the decade will have its challenges as all the previous ones have had. I do not intend to have a “last inning” – I intend to keep going until the lights in the ballpark are turned off and the vendor has sold out all the hot dogs.

And the great game of life will go on very well without me. As Eliza sang to Professor Higgins in My Fair Lady (as modified by me):

“Without me pulling it the tide will come in,

Without me twirling it the earth can spin

Without me pushing me the clouds roll by.”

And if they can go on very well, so can everyone and everything else. I have no illusions about my value to the earth or those around me.

1.What are the two most important days of your life?

Philosophers suggest the two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you figured out why you were born. It is obvious that the day you were born is the most important as you would never get to the second important day – why you were born.

My grandfather Frisby had an answer for the second most important day – it is TODAY. The first day is the beginning of life and the second is the continuation of it. You are only alive today: you are not alive yesterday or tomorrow – only today. This is “game day” as he would say. When you awaken, you suit up to play in today’s game. You can read about yesterday’s game in the sports page, plan the starting line-up for tomorrow’s. But today is game day. It hasn’t been played yet. It is the only game on the schedule. So today is the most important day of your life after the day you were born.

Life is a miracle which you are gifted day by day. How do you handle miracles?

Celebrate them. Relish them. Make the most of them. Love someone, including yourself. Help someone. Help the planet. Don’t complain about other miracles which may look

different, believe different. You are one after all. Miracles aren’t afraid. Don’t let your miracle get pushed around by others. Don’t push around someone else’s miracle. Take care of your miracle and the other miracles around

you. Get ready for another Today – tomorrow. After all, as

Annie sang, it is only a day away.

Miracles come in different colors, shapes, sizes, beliefs, talents, sexes, interests . . .they are all miracles.

He did not wish others Happy Birthday. He wished them Happy Everyday. Everyday was the first day of the rest of your life. Every day was like a birthday, a new birth, a fresh start with a cup of hot coffee. So, in a way, you have two birthdays. The day you were born and today – everyday.

2.What is the most important thing someone can say about you at your funeral? At my father’s funeral, one of his friends stood up and simply said: “He nailed it!” and sat down. He meant that my father lived the life he set out to live. He wanted a family he loved; people he befriended; values he pursued. As Kahlil Kibran would say, he laughed all his laughter, wept all his tears. He lived a life he set out to. He wanted to get the most out of life and give the most to life. He nailed it! He had a game plan and although he threw a few interceptions, was tackled for some losses here and there, he nevertheless won the game. He nailed it.

Some things I have never heard in a eulogy. “He/she:

Had a great net worth and used it just for him/herself. God, he/she elevated greed and selfishness to a new high!”

Really hated people of different color or belief. Racism was a culture, lived it to the fullest.

Could really hold his/her booze. What a temper! I have seen him smash his fist through a dozen

walls without flinching! He scorched more earth than a blitzkrieg through Russia. Bridges were made to be burned!

Became obese before 40 and just kept fattening up. Had to cremate because they couldn’t find a casket big enough.

He/she had the most closed mind on the planet – kinda like a black hole. No light emitted.

And so on and so on . . .

A friend recommended writing your own eulogy when you are young and then living it. And periodically reviewing it and evaluating how you are doing. Honestly evaluating how you are doing.

“I know I said, “till death do us part, but I didn’t know that she was going to live this long.”

“I know I said I would follow the Golden Rule but then it turns out that gold rules and you have to play the game that is dealt.”

“I know that I said that I would be a guardian of the planet but this new car with 18 cylinders and 1000 horsepower and can go from zero to 100 miles per hour in two seconds and gets 3 miles per gallon is just too hot to pass up.”

“I know I said that I should spend money wisely and have enough for a rainy day, but look, you only live once. And that takes every dime I can get my hands on or borrow.”

And so on and so on.

I guess the question is: at your eulogy, will someone stand up and say: “He/she nailed it!” And then the second question is: what did you nail? What was the life you led that will live on through the memories and hearts of others?

I have learned that it is never too late to live a great life, one that is fulfilling to self and others. As a friend said, because I was dumb six months ago doesn’t mean I have to stay dumb.

Because I was a jerk or uncaring or whatever most of my life, doesn’t mean I have to live the rest of it as a jerk. It is amazing what one “I am sorry” or one act of kindness can do to erase- or at least reduce the pain - of the past.

As the old saw goes, today is the first day of the rest of my life. Why not make it a good one?

3.How do you select a mate?Proving my honesty, “I don’t know”. I am the last person on the planet who would say: I am a living example of not knowing the answer to that question. In fact, I am a living example of how others should not select a mate. I will hazard an opinion (and I am sure you can find an article on the 100 ideas for selecting a mate – I am just offering one) based on my observation. It is found in Emotional Intelligence and the term is Intrapersonal.

The person gifted with intrapersonal skills can manage him/herself; their emotions.

They know themselves and can accept constructive criticism without being defensive; continue to improve; work through their internal struggles; feel good about themselves.

They have strong values without being judgmental of others. People with a strong sense of self are more apt to be able to prevent conflicts and peacefully resolve them.

They are trustworthy and accountable.

So, if I were to select a mate today, I would look for these characteristics in my mate and develop them in myself (remember, this marriage thing is about two people collaborating to make it the best life possible.) The person who has strong intrapersonal characteristics is not looking for another to make them complete but to complement their adventure through life.

It is trite but if I am going to live with someone the rest of my life, I want that person to be my best friend. Best friends stay best friends, don’t get hung up on the little annoying things but revel in the character and life of the friend. Best friends have each other’s backs. And fronts.

Kahlil says: “let there be spaces in your togetherness”. Although a marriage is a union, this should not diminish the individuality and goals of either person, and each should have “home alone” time to pause and reflect.

And I would add that I would want a person who finds joy in life, can have fun while still being responsible. The father of the great coach Vince Lombardi was a butcher. He had tattooed on his left fingers the letters: W O R K. On his right fingers he had tattooed P L A Y. Balance.

And then I am reminded of Napoleon interviewing generals for Field Marshall positions. After they would list off their achievements, Napoleon would then ask impatiently: “Yes, yes, but are you lucky”? The selection of the right mate is up to both parties and that is the luck part. Making it work is the commitment to do so.

4.How do you keep a marriage going?My honest answer again is “I don’t know”. But my best shot at it is embedded in the answer to No. 3. If you are lucky enough to find a mate who comes close to the elements listed above, and if you also come close to having those characteristics, that is a huge beginning. (By the way, don’t look for the perfect person as the perfect person will not choose you.) From that point forward, the ball is in your court to make it work, but you have the basic ingredients.

However, another ingredient, once the “I do’s” have been spoken, is also taken from Emotional Intelligence – interpersonal. It works in business, and it works at home. Marriage is a team sport, requiring

common goals and common commitment to meet them. It is not all about either, but both. It requires communication which really boils down to being honest with each other and accepting the honesty of the other party; being an active listener and caring about the feelings of the other. Not giving up one’s identity but assisting each other in achieving their own goals.

Remind yourself why you were married in the first place. And often it boils down to the fact that your partner made you feel better about yourself than anyone ever had before. Marriage should build on that, not tear it down. Being a critic gets you a front seat at a show opening on Broadway if you write a column about Broadway productions; but it does not get you a warm spot in bed tonight.

I sometimes think that blindness is an attribute of a sustainable marriage. I see older couples walking down the street holding hands and both are just plain . . .well, to be kind, unbeautiful if there is such a word. One or both may be overweight, wrinkled. Definitely not sexy. And here they are holding hands, caring for each other. They are blind to what I see. But I am blind to what they see and have seen over the years. I do not see the sacrifices each has made for each other, the compassion they have shown, the hard work they have shared. At the end of the lives of my parents, my dad had lost a leg, was partially paralyzed to the point he had a hard time feeding himself. That is what I saw. My mother saw her soulmate of 60 years, who had helped her raise the children, contributed to the community together, held each other when a loved one died. That is what my mom saw – she was blind to the physical infirmities.

5.Why are we so defensive and what to do about it?We think we always must be right. In the hunter and gatherer era, if the leader brought the clan the wrong part of the jungle, there might be no game, no berries, no water, no ability to survive. Being right and survival were bedfellows. Being right on your exams gets you into college and a degree and a job afterwards. Still a survival game. Being wrong gets you fired, or a missile which crashes and kills seven astronauts. So being right trumps being wrong.

And we have this built-in mechanism of becoming defensive if our judgments are questioned, if someone makes suggestions for how we can do a better job. Humans make mistakes, one of which is that they are not willing to admit they are humans who make mistakes and improve by learning from them.

Engineers and scientists continue to push the envelope, knowing that previous assumptions may not be valid or at least can be further developed and improved on. A mistake is another step toward getting it right. But failing to admit a mistake keeps one immobile – as Einstein said doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. Edison had 999 “mistakes” before he got the light bulb to work – he called them “steppingstones”. We have had catastrophic spacecraft failures and thank God the engineers admitted the flaws which caused them and corrected them before the next flight. The lives of the astronauts and the importance of the mission outweighed the egos of the engineers who had screwed up. In any relationship (including spousal, parental, employer-employee, even the president of a company or a country) we can do dumb things that cause us to crash and burn – why not examine what those dumb things were, correct them, and keep the relationship going on a positive

course. The failure of humans to accept that they made a mistake - a “steppingstone” – and then take steps to remedy it is a design flaw.

What is wrong with admitting that slavery and apartheid in our own country was wrong, then taking the corrective steps to assure we have overcome that era.

What is wrong with admitting that going into Iraq was wrong and taking steps to assure we don’t repeat the mistake.

And how does blaming others a step toward a “fix”? Orville says, after the twentieth failure on Kitty Hawk: “Wilbur, if you had just gotten better plywood, we would have already been taking transatlantic flights.” Wilbur replies: “If mom had not loved you more than me, I would have already invented the jet engine.” Somehow, blame and progress are not bedmates. o I read a columnist today who said it was time to stop

pointing fingers at the Afghanistan mess and learn from it.

Why do we try to justify our mistakes? We justify or blame because of our egos, but if we want to polish our egos, if we want to feel better about ourselves and for others to do so as well, then become successful by having the strong enough ego to admit a mistake (a steppingstone), correcting it, and moving on. It is like stepping in a pile of manure; you don’t just keep wearing the same shoe or it will continue to stink. Instead, clean it off, take the next steps out of the barnyard. That is the way it is in life. Sometimes that step is in a pile of crap. Clean it off. Find another path!

Let me emphasize the ego thing. Our egos won’t let us admit we were wrong, or that we made a mistake, or accept responsibility. But our egos want us to be thought of as mature, responsible, and successful. Failing to admit an error retards progress. We might still be reading by candlelight if Edison had refused to admit he

was screwing up in making an electric light. But because he did admit it, did correct the errors in previous approaches he must certainly have felt much better about himself, and the world great respect for him. He did not let his ego stand in the way of his success, and therefore, fed his ego with positive accomplishments.

We are human. We should try to be right and do right. But this human thing is like spitting in the wind – there is resistance because we are fallible. ALL of us are fallible. The issue then is not that we are wrong, but that we stay wrong. Not that we make a mistake but that we don’t correct the mistake. Not that we err but that we don’t improve ourselves to reduce the number of errors that we make. Not that we have egos which want us to be great but that we use those egos to do the things necessary to be great . . . including removing the obstacles to be great that we ourselves place on the highway to success.

6.How do I just say “no”?Just say NO. Or grunt and shake your head. Just say NO. The expression has been around for ages. It is the simplest and most effective resistance approach on the planet. Unfortunately, we adults tried to push the phrase down the throats of our youth and we ourselves needed to learn to say no.

It begins with not being in the position of having to say NO. Thomas Aquinas suggested that we avoid the beginnings. Avoid the people or circumstances which create the temptations. Avoid thinking that to be accepted by your colleagues who are jerks that you must also do the things that jerks do. If drinking to excess and taking drugs or cheating

on your spouse is what your buddies do, they are jerks. Avoid jerks! Or become one so you don’t care anymore.

Second, it begins with your values. Roy Disney said that once your values are in place you really never have to make a decision again. Just gather the facts, apply them to your values, and voila! The decision is spit out for you! The problem is not the courage to say “no” – it is the good sense to think about, adopt and practice a value system (hmmm, sounds like “intrapersonal” doesn’t it?). Roy did not believe you should outsource yourself to others or outside influences. When you are afraid to say “no” to another, you are farming out your value system, your character, your very worth to someone else. When you cannot say “no” to the joint, or drink, or unprotected sex, or the temptation (whatever it may be) you become less than you are . . .you are outsourcing yourself to an outside influence. You are not a courageous person and who wants it said that “he/she is gutless”?

If you have not thought about your values, created those values and ethics that you wish to live by and have the guts to do so, then you have converted the diamond you could be to a zircon. You are no longer as precious as you could be.

If there are instances in which you have difficulty saying “no”, then likely there also will be instances in which you have a hard time saying “yes” when it is appropriate to do so. Saying “yes” appropriately is a function of one’s values as well.

Maybe I should say “yes” to accepting constructive criticism; or to taking additional courses to stay current in my field; or yes to counseling to overcome an addiction or an anger problem; or to my lack of financial discipline or whatever. Saying “yes” to those things which I should say yes to but say no out of convenience or greed or self-interest is also limiting. An athlete who does not

say “yes” to extra training and coaching may not get to the Super Bowl.

“Yes” and “No”. Monosyllabic words which have such great consequences. Both a function of free will and choice. Both steeped in values. Each can lead to a highway of success for ourselves and others. Each can cause collisions on that highway.

Think about the consequences of your “yesses” and “noes”.

7. How Do You Realize Your Unrealized Potential?When George Bernard Shaw (of My Fair Lady fame – it was based on Pygmalion) was in his 70s, a reporter commented to him: “Mr. Shaw, it must be so exciting to know that you have lived your life to the fullest and reached your full potential.” Shaw replied in a huff: “Child, what are you talking about! I haven’t reached a quarter of my potential!” So here is the poet laureate of England saying that he has barely scratched the surface of his potential.

You haven’t either. Nor I.

You came on the planet as a work in progress. You will go out as a work not yet completed. Your job is to get as close as possible. Deming suggested that you never get to the goal line, just close to it. And the closer you get the more the goal line is moved a little further away.

It comes with some homework on your part.

What are my strengths and talents, and what are my interests?o What do I have a passion for? Do I live my passion?

What have I done to develop them?

o Is it okay to just maintain the status quo at being a: Spouse Parent Student Teacher Employee Politician Athlete

o Am I better this year than last year? Have I expanded myself from a year ago? Am I in a rut?

What can I do to develop them further my capabilities and skills? (What have I not done that I should do?)o Do I brag about not liking to read or write? What was the

last book you read? The last deep discussion about values, or politics or your job, or your family?

What is standing in my way other than myself?o Have I become proficient at blaming others for my

limitations?

The ancient Greeks believed that each of us should pursue excellence, being the best we can be (that is what the great coach Vince Lombardi meant by the expression “run to win”. He felt that our duty was to look inside for our talents, to develop them to the optimum and live them, whatever our calling might be). In a competitive free enterprise, it is the “best of class” who stay profitably in business. Olympic winners like Usain Bolt worked four years to cut a fraction of a second off the time in a 40-yard dash.

I think of secondary recovery in oil wells. Once production is limited through natural means of recovery, by using other methods (water, gas infiltration, e.g.) the remaining crude oil in

the underground reservoir may be recovered. We are like that. We have an untapped or undepleted reservoir of talent, capability, performance, love, compassion that we can capture.

They say a mind is a terrible thing to waste. So is a life. So is one’s unrealized potential.

And it is never too late. Grandma Moses found hers in the 80s; perhaps George Bush should have found his talent as an artist before he ran for President, but he did finally discover it as did Jimmy Carter in his efforts on behalf of Habitats for Humanity. Many grandparents are better at parenting than they were as parents. Some are ex-cons, such as Danielle Manville, a professor of law at Michigan State University and a felon convicted of manslaughter. They made a “secondary recovery” from their undepleted reservoirs of talent and values.

8. HOW DO YOU FIND YOURSELF

In the mid-1970s, a California lawyer, fed up with the rat race and the traffic it took to even get in the rate race, hopped a freighter and ended up on the big island of Hawaii. He survived as a hermit for months on a piece of property carved out of the jungle, owned by a client of mine. One day the Owner of the property, who lived on another island, came back to check on his farm and sees this bearded ragged middle-aged hippy hanging out under a coconut tree and accosts him. “What are you doing here?” he demanded. The erstwhile lawyer mumbled: “Well sir, I am from California, and I am just trying to find myself.” The property owner bellowed: “Well, Robinson Crusoe, you are sure as hell not going to find him here. So, suck it up and get your butt off my property!”

That was the cop-out hippie era of people of all ages “trying to find themselves”. But the neurotic safari to find ourselves is still in progress. Professionals as well as welders seeking not to discover their talent but how to live in the contemporary society. In an era of “unpermanence”, of materialism and technology which are now bedfellows; changes occurring faster than the speed of an Amazon delivery. Marriages, like the “use by” a given date, have limited shelf lives; senior citizens who are “going to die anyway” instead of revered for their wisdom and are the shoulders on which we stand. Where there is ample data and little wisdom; tons of stuff and houses to buy but for most or at least many too unaffordable to do so. Houses to make into homes and houses to flip. We are a nation of flippers. Megacities with meager incomes; work available but unfulfilling and boring. This is the world that the lawyer (Robinson Crusoe) was trying to escape.

The point is that you can run but you can’t hide. This is the world in which we find ourselves - other planets are not yet open for business. There is no Utopia. I have lived in a primitive village in the Philippines, in a kibbutz in Israel, a commune outside Minsk, a townhouse in Chicago, on a ranch in Oklahoma. I have found no utopias. Each place has its challenges; it is always only a matter of degree. I have been with multi-millionaires and construction workers who live in single-wides who are still trying to find themselves. They are still trying to make sense of life, their place in life, how to get the most out of it instead of just be stressed by it. So “finding oneself” is not in the house in which we life, or the funds in our ATM.

I have seen colleagues who have metaphorically “tried to find themselves” in a bottle of Jack Daniels or Coors Light; in the office affair; in workaholism; in the continued quest for the illusive “more” . . .more money, more things, more affairs . . . more more.” Yet, try as they might, they did not “find themselves” in any of those

venues, any more than the drop out, cop out lawyer who wandered the beaches of Hawaii.

“Finding oneself” begins with “sucking it up” and accepting that it is not a perfect world, that the American dream has a companion called the American nightmare of struggle, materialism, stress, greed, and false expectations. “Finding oneself” is not found in complaints, blame and sucking one’s thumb. It is not being taken care of by others.

It is simply a self-evaluation of who you are, what are you goals, what is your plan to achieve them, you willingness to take those steps and the struggle that goes along with them, to sometimes take three steps forward and ten backwards, and then, as Jack Dempsey said: “the test of a true champion is getting knocked down so hard that you can’t get up . . .and then gets up”. And to find joy in those you love; a good belly laugh and sometimes a good cry as well; to find time to rest, a time to think about things and a time to not think at all. To take charge of stuff you can take control over and not to get your bowels in an uproar over the stuff you can’t. You can be a leaf on the river, letting it take you where it will, or you can put a rudder on that leaf and control where you are going.

Happiness is not Woodstock; it is personal responsibility, a life plan seasoned with spontaneity which provides a fulfilling quality of life, contributing to others and being a responsible member Team Humanity. And maybe thinking that this “miserable world” is better than being a serf two hundred years ago, with a life expectancy maybe 30 or more years less than today, countless women dying in childbirth, no pain pills for the abscessed tooth, no indoor plumbing, no government stimulus when the drought limited food production. When the king’s militia could barge into your home without a search warrant and punish you without a trial. Yeah, I agree that the traffic is bad, the

government does stupid things, that a lot of stuff could be fixed. But I will have my family live in this world or the 21st century rather than the dark ages of only a few centuries ago. With all its problems, smallpox is not one of them. And I thank those who have had the insight, wisdom, and courage to help forge this world. I guess I figure my role is not to bitch about it but try to continue to improve it.

It is accepting that there will be some cuts and bruises so make the best of it:

As Henry Wadsworth said: “Thy fate is the common fate of all, into each life, some rain must fall.”

And as Ella Wheeler Wilcox wrote: “Laugh and the world laughs with you; weep and you weep alone. For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth but has trouble enough of its own.”

Get an umbrella; put a rudder on that leaf; listen to a George Carlin tape and laugh your butt off. Suck it up, Robinson Crusoe.

9.WHAT IS THE ROLE OF CREATIVITY

Creativity is the engine of change and progress. And miracles. And all of us can perform miracles.

A tutor to a deaf and blind person was trying to teach her young student to communicate. How do you teach a person who cannot see or talk what water is for example? Could you do that?

Well, Anne Sullivan taught Helen Keller by holding one of her hands in water while finger spelling the word with the other. That is a gold medal winner of creative thinking.

Lockheed Martin has what is called the “skunk works”, a top-secret facility where bright and creative minds develop weapon systems of the future. They are presently working on cold fusion which, if successful, will turn the world upside down.

Teaching a deaf and blind person to communicate by holding a hand in the water and using the other to finger spell the word water and an advanced engineering company trying to figure out how to create a new energy source which could change forever how we do anything that requires power. That is creativity. Lockheed has been working on this challenge for years . . .and may not succeed. Anne Sullivan spent weeks just getting her student to spell one word.

If the engine of progress is creativity, maybe the engine of creativity is not “brainstorm” as much as “persistence”, Maybe the essence of creativity is the calendar. From the idea to the production model takes time, patience, perseverance. Even the Pfizer vaccine, which was developed in record time, and became the miracle drug of the century, did not happen overnight. Data developed over the years was the foundation for what appeared to be an “overnight” discovery.

How many times have I heard someone say: “I had the same idea as so and so. He is making a million from it. Why didn’t I do that?” You didn’t do that because you left the idea in your mind and not in countless failed attempts to make it work before you succeeded. “He” had the patience and persistence. You didn’t.

My business in part has been to handle large construction claims. My clients are generally smarter than I am – probably most people are -

have the same expertise and resources to analyze and present a complex claim as I. But for the most part, the president just sits in a conference room and impatiently looks at dozens of boxes of documentation and somehow expects a polished presentation to magically appear. He doesn’t have the patience to open the first box or the persistence to open the second. I, instead, develop a detailed list of action items, with time frames for each – time frames which include time to think about things, redo things – and then I start to work. And clients are generally amazed that I have done something that they had the ability to do themselves. The difference is not talent or expertise: the difference is patience and persistence.

This is what the Wright Brothers did in getting the first airplane off the ground for a minute and a half. They kept at it. Elon Musk has had his share of failures, as did von Braun of NASA. They kept at it. The famed scientist Nicola Tesla would have visions of his inventions, but it was only when he went to the lab that the idea was fleshed out to reality.

Minoru Yamasaki, the architect who designed the first World Trade Center, was a friend and client. He was a certified genius and I wanted to see from boots on the ground, how such a person worked. Before designing the structures, he flew by helicopter (and he was afraid of heights) over the proposed location dozens of times. In his home, he would awaken early in the morning and drive the short distance to his office where he would spend hours playing around with his various models of buildings, cars, and all the things that might be in such a facility. He would then begin sketching almost illegible drafts on “butcher paper” which he would then give to his partner, Bill Ku, who would convert his ideas to a detailed plan and specification. The process of creativity went from a hot cup of tea early morning to formulation of an idea to butcher paper, to a detailed plan, to a construction contractor to brick and mortar. It took a long time. And a

lot of corrections (red lined drawings) along the way. And a lot of patience. And persistence. By a lot of people, not just Yama.

Creativity is a process. An idea must have legs, otherwise it is like a seed in an unopened package. There may be a pretty picture of the flower it could be but not while in the package.

But it must also have a beginning.

And as Isaac Newton said: “I stand on the shoulders of giants” and Justice Marshall remarked: “There is nothing new under the sun.” There are hundreds of giants who have gone before upon whose shoulders we can stand, and a zillion ideas under the sun that are just there for the “pickin’” or the “thinking”. The point is that there is always something upon which to build. An idea in physics may lead to self-correcting concrete or broken windshields. Reading about cognitive development by Piaget provided my daughter with ideas on how to help her grandchildren develop their interest in reading and exploring; but she came up with daily plans that would work with the kids. She stood on Piaget’s shoulders, but it was my daughter, not Piaget, which provided interesting projects for the kids. Newton stood on the shoulders of Giants, but it was Isaac who came up with his laws of motion. Teller and others stood on Einstein’s shoulders, but it was they who developed the atomic and hydrogen bombs. We have a lot more shoulders today, most of them available through the web.

Creativity is not just about how to build a faster jet or more devastating bomb. It applies to relationships: how can I be a better spouse or manager? How can I be a better citizen? How can I help others? How can I be a better person? How can I become more financially secure?

“How can I . . .” is a good question to begin with.

10. GOLDEN RULE – IS IT A WAY OF LIFE?

Some thoughts about one of the foundations of all religions, the Golden Rule. Lest you have forgotten it goes like this: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Boiled down to its essence, don’t be a jerk unless it is okay for others to treat you like one. A half millennium before Christ, Confucius said there was just one word that would describe the secret of people living together – and that word was “reciprocity”. The concept of reciprocity is that you figure out how you would like to be treated by others and then you treat them that way. And ideally, if everyone practices reciprocity, then WOW! What a wonderful world it would be.

But of course, in the Old Testament was another concept of reciprocity and that was an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Punch me in the eye and you get punched in the eye. The Old Testament may not have been quite so idealistic, realizing that many, if not most, would not buy into this “love thy brother” thing as the world was not as civilized as it is today. (They used sticks and stones instead of nuclear warheads). So, there must be consequences for being a jerk. You steal and you get locked up; you kill, and you get a needle in the arm.

Unfortunately, people can be (and are seemingly very successful) by flaunting the Golden Rule. Bullies and liars remain successful in business and politics; misogynists still get elected to high office with many women supporting them all the way. The despotism of North Korea and the autocratic rule in Russia and China seem to be working there. The subject of human rights is not even a topic which their leaders are willing to discuss. Yet China is at least number two economically and is set to be the technological leader of the world in less than a decade, and its Belt and Road Initiative will influence the culture and economy of over 100 nations in the near future.

In our management practices, command and control in a fear infested atmosphere has worked for a long time - it has been lessened but not replaced. Legions of husbands must have been absent from Sunday School when the Golden Rule was discussed. What politician has been elected on the basis of telling the truth and accepting accountability?

So, this Golden Rule thing, a part of all religions of the world, has not caught on with much of the political or business leadership of the world. It is not a guarantee of success in political or personal life (depending on your definition of “success”.) Yet, as a colleague pointed out, the world is probably better off today than it has ever been. Very little slavery, poverty is being abolished, no more witches being burned at Salem, fewer executions and capital punishment is waning across the world. Separate but unequal has been

replaced by “separate but you have a go at it”. Major plagues such as smallpox, yellow fever and polio being wiped out. Communication has helped as abuses of human rights are seen around the world in real time because of someone with a smart phone capturing stupid and evil acts in real time.

President Obama reminded me that the “American Dream” is a work in progress, as the concepts of the Declaration of Independence are as well. We do not discard the concepts because they are not fully realized: instead, we work harder to cause them to be realized. Aristotle said: “Men become builders of buildings by building, and lyre players by playing the lyre. So too we become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.” (Nucor and a few other companies, DID things during the last Recession and the pandemic. They did things by not doing things: they did not lay off their employees.)

And that is the way it is with the Golden Rule, it is a goal we seek, and a goal that hopefully we work toward through our daily acts. The Japanese concept of Kaizen is to continually improve through studies and performance. Seneca said that virtue does not come with the placenta; it must be learned and developed and struggled for. It is a culture created Monday through Saturday through your acts and not Sunday morning recovering from Saturday night. It defines your quality of life, one way or the other. It is the honest eulogy you would like to have read at your funeral.

So, the Golden Rule is a work in process as well. Because it has not become a culture for all of us does not mean that we discard the concept. And maybe it is a good thing to revisit, in our family discussions, at the office, HOA meetings and maybe in political venues as well. (The essence of the business concept of customer commitment is the Golden Rule – take care of the customer as you would have the customer take care of you.) What are the acts which contribute to such a culture and which ones may diminish it?

Under the “DO” column are suggestions for acts that one could consider in doing to make life a tad better for others and to feel better about yourself. Acts that may further the process of reciprocity. Under the “DON’T” column the antithesis of the DO column – things that do not show respect for others and may be detrimental to their well-being.

DO DON’T

1.Make others feel good 1. Bully

2.Understand differences 2. Be Prejudiced

3.Open communication 3. Create fear

4.Courteousness 4. Rudeness

5.Bring joy 5. Bring gloom

6.Care for earth 6. Toss plastic in Ocean

7.Understand 7. Condemn/judge

8.Listen 8. Close mind

9.Cause a smile 9. Cause a frown

10.Donate blood 10. Needles hurt

11.Be self-sufficient 11. Live off others

12.Forgive 12. Blame

13.Respect authority 13. Defy it

14.Show appreciation 14. Expect what is given

15.Pay your debts 15. Be a deadbeat

16.Keep your promise 16. Be unreliable

17.Quality work 17. Slipshod

18.Be informed citizen 18. Go with herd

19.Speak respectfully 19. Scream and demean

20.Respect others’ rights 20. Step on their toes

21.Safe driving 21. Tailgate, zigzag

22.Be a real friend 22. Friend drives drunk

23.Be honest 23. Lie thru your teeth

24.Open to differences 24. Racist, anti-everyone else

25.Hug mate 25. Slap and yell

26.Hug kids 26. Yell and hit

27.Use authority respectfully 27. Step on little people

28.Manage conflicts 28. Attack, be divisive

29.Company contributes to 29. Just to investors

Society

30.Use lawyers to know right 30. Use lawyers to beat thing the system

31.Appreciate miracle of life 31. Take it for granted

32.Responsible for future 32. Me – Now (YOLO)

Generations

33.Care for all life 33. Beat your dog

34.Preserve sources of oxygen 34. Cut trees, destroy

Plankton

35.Respect Constitution 35. Storm the Capitol

36.Politicians represent the 36. PACs, self-interest

People Follow the money

37.Respect women 37. Sign NDAs

38.Honor parents 38. Dump in old age

Homes

39.Accept accountability 39. Blame others

40.Trustworthy 40. Escape liability

41.Be an individual, knowing 41. Follow stampede

And doing the right thing Venality.

42.Freedom and duties are 42. MY FREEDOM!

Bedfellows

43.I will not lie, cheat or tolerate 43. I will lie, cheat and

Those who do. Hang out with

Birds of a feather

44.Find the best in others 44. Spread gossip

45.Take care of yourself 45. Fast food, booze

46.Use religion for mankind 46. Use pulpit to

Feather my nest/get

votes

47.Prenatal care 47. Drink, smoke, do

Drugs

48.Use science for humankind 48. Use it if it fits Politically

49.Manage diversity 49. Be a white, male

Elitist

50.Help those in company 50. Fire them

With addiction, emotional

Issues

51.Make weapons into plow 51. Create star wars

shears

52.Contribute 52. Take

Each reader can compile a list which is more complete or more substantive than the one above, and they are challenged to do so. I wonder what a culture of Golden Rulers would be like. If all leaders practiced its tenets, would there be a peaceful world? Poverty has been reduced enormously because most of the leaders of the world have committed to eliminate it – that is a huge undertaking and at the very heart of the Golden Rule. Reagan and Gorbachev agreed to make the world a tad safer through the nuclear bomb reduction agreement. If we can achieve those goals, why not peace? Why not the leaders of the world having a conference on the Golden Rule? Wow! Wouldn’t that be a kicker – the leaders of North Korea, China, Russia, Iran . . . attending a meeting on the implementation of the tenets of the Golden Rule!!!!

And maybe have a refresher on the Manifesto of Human Rights which was adopted by the United Nations a half century ago!

Naw. We have these bombs and tanks and military equipment. What will we do with all that stuff if we have peace instead of

the constant threat of war and then an actual one now and then to keep us on our toes? Economies would suffer, generals would be forced to take early retirement, Putin would have to have a massive Easter Egg hunt instead of a show of arms in Red Square every year. ISIS would have to open orphanages for children whose parents they have killed. Advertisers would have withdrawal symptoms if they were forced to tell the truth about their products. Politicians would have support groups where they would stand up at the weekly meetings and say: “I am a recovering politician, and I must never have another vote, or I will recede into my dark world of self-interest.” Elitists would struggle to find value in their lives.

An issue over which you have absolute control is how you treat yourself. If you have duty to treat others as you would have them treat you, what about applying that to yourself? If you would strive to help your children to be healthy and wise, how about doing that for yourself. Is there a moral duty to:

Take care of yourself through nutrition, exercise, regular medical visits instead of being obese, a smoker and drinker, and expecting free medical?

Develop skills through education and training which enables you to earn a living, to be self-sufficient?

John Locke felt that reciprocity was inherent in freedom. If you have a freedom, you should use it in such a manner that it does not interfere with the freedom of others. If you should treat others in a just and virtuous manner, then you should treat

yourself in a just and virtuous manner. Ultimately, the buck always starts and stops with you.

All goals are works in process. So is the Golden Rule. It is based on acts, doing something as a part of one’s daily life. Through your acts, being a model for others. It may not start an avalanche, but it may get the glacier to start moving in your family, your community, your workplace.

11. WHO ARE WE?

My first clue as to the nature of humanity came from Genesis. Adam and Eve had a cushioned life and they yanked defeat from the jaws of victory. They blew it because of flesh over spirit, and the defiance of a three year old mentality. (“You can’t tell me what to do!”). And then here comes the acorn named Cain which has fallen on the roots of the oak tree. He kills his brother in a jealous rage over who his parents loved the most. (Actually, his parents did not have a lot of time for their kids as they were recuperating from snake bites.) Cain was raised by the first two people created by God and who were still on speaking terms with Him. Their son, the first born of the two first humans, turns out to be a villain. Cain’s nature was stronger than parental influence and guidance, or evening chats with the Maker. This was the first recorded instance of a manufacturing defect. (This is probably when lawyers invented the telephone: “If you have been killed or injured by a defective product of Adam and Eve, call 1-800 and all threes for a free consultation. Remember, if we don’t win your case, you don’t pay us a cent.”)

Tells us a lot about the characteristics of our nature from the first products off the assembly line. Intellectual arrogance, defiance, jealousy, lack of compassion even for a family member. Adam, Eve and Cain were the first examples of product defects. As there was not a product recall, the defects continued down

the assembly line. In the Old Testament, defective models were turned into salt pillars, drowned by a flood, or, if they lived in Egypt killed by an angel in if their parents did not adorn their front doors with blood.

It seems that the concept of Christianity is the acceptance of product defects but through redemption, the product can be maintained and stay on the road; otherwise it is sent to an eternal junk yard. But the point is that the basic nature of humans was flawed, is flawed.

All philosophers have their ideas of the “nature of humans”.

Aristotle felt that we become virtuous not through the accident of birth but through training and doing the acts which correspond to those virtues you have been taught. If you want to be an honest person, tell the truth. To be brave, you do courageous things.

Seneca felt similarly: that virtue did not come with the birth certificate but needed to be learned and practiced.

And then there are countless other philosophers with different spins on what our basic nature is. Most of us struggle throughout life trying to figure out the answer.

My own thought about human nature begins with a study of the brain which I see as a continually developing tool kit, providing over the ages the ability to move from hunters and gatherers to billionaires paying millions to spend a couple of minutes flying to the edge of space. Tools which can be used for good or evil, tools which are used in creating our nature.

Human’s first brain (we have three layers developed over the ages) is known as the “reptilian brain”. It is the fight or flight mechanism or what I call the “survival brain”. Our first instinct is to survive – to live. Today a high school girl may say: “If I don’t get that new dress for the prom, I will just die”. Of course, she will still be breathing if she fails to get it, but to her ego, she will just die.

Fear goes with the territory. It is a necessary part of our nature: I am afraid I will not get that promotion or credit for the new car. I am afraid to take vacation because the boss may find out he can get along without me. I am afraid to take that course because I might fail. I am afraid to cross the highway with my eyes close. So, fear can motivate me to work hard to get

a promotion or improve my credit; to be cautious on the highway to avoid a fatal crash. Or it can paralyze me: I am afraid to take on more responsibility, or to get married because it will not work out.

Thus, fail is the twin of fear. It is a part of who we are as well. If I failed to kill the tiger, I might get killed. If I fail the quiz, I will not be admitted to college. If I do not get this job, I cannot pay my bills. I am afraid of failing.

The reptilian brain is my web app enabling me to spot danger - and avoid it, punch it out, or run and not look back. On the one hand it is reactive, but on the other I can now choose which of those options to pursue. I can choose to gut it out and keep working toward a solution or I can choose to give up because the challenge seems too great. I am born with that brain – its responses and reactions need not be taught. They can be managed, but the survival brain and the primal scream come out of the womb together.

My second brain, the limbic or mammalian one, is the “feelings” arrow in my quiver. Because of it I have memory of things and emotions, and empathy for the feelings of others (elephants have feelings for their young and aged alike; they have empathy for others and apparently mourn for their deceased family members. Feelings create a bonding, a team approach for surviving and having a quality of life). My feelings can be an asset: listening and caring for others. The second brain is like a fireplace on a cold night: it can give us comfort, bonding with others. Or it can cause us to be villains, like Hitler or Bundy. It can cause us to hate, to take advantage of others because we really don’t care about them. It is also a double-bladed sword. I can use it to effective relationships or to bully my way through life. Which works best? I can decide to go either way. I am born with this brain also. It can be shaped through experiences, but I do not need to learn emotions – they also come with the placenta. I need to know how to manage them.

My third arrow in the tool kit is the recent layer called the neocortex, or my thinking brain. which gives me the ability to plan, and problem solve. To improve, to work through my short comings. Or to manipulate.

These are the three layers of my brain and their functions, developed over the ages. Within them, I am born with the tools to survive, to develop healthy and loving relations, to contribute to others and the planet; to prevent and solve

problems; to exercise free will, to know what is right and wrong, and to do one or the other – my choice. Our nature is created from these three brains, how they are formed (thank you mom, thank you dad), how they are developed (cognitive and emotional development). I can use them to develop a picture of the future and action plans to achieve them. This is an incredible tool – to picture my future and the actions required to make the picture a reality. We can even picture our retirement as we graduate from college and choose the path to get there. That may truly be humans’ unique attribute.

And maybe this is the reason that the New World and the Old World followed similar paths of progress: agriculture, language, urban development, awesome architecture, monarchs and despots, math and astronomy . . .everyone had the same brain, the same creative abilities. There were irrigation systems in China, India, and Mesoamerica as well as Italy and France; there were “gods” all over the place.

It is from these three layers that we develop our perspective of life; it is how we use these three layers that provide how we live. We are born with certain inbred traits – thank you mom, thank you dad. We call this “nature” – what comes with the first primal scream. Our intelligence may flow from our parents, or athletic skills. But we are not born good or bad, saints or devils. In large part we become. Through knowledge and experience, adventure, and experimentation, we become – we develop character, ethics, approaches to the meaning of life for ourselves. We have the tools to do so in the three layers of our brain.

Tom Brady, Michael Jordan, and Usain Bolt became great athletes because of the blend of nature (being born with given talents) and working their tails off to achieve their greatness. Einstein did not walk to the blackboard one day and write E=MC2. He studied, thought, analyzed, problem solved until he solved the problem of relativity. He became a great scientist (it is said he might work on one problem for years). He used the tools he was born with (the three layers of his brain) to achieve his greatness. It is said that he was using those tools to try to figure out the unifying law of the universe as he lay on death’s bed.

If there is a basic nature of humankind, it is that we have been given the tools to love or hate, to feel, to think and to use those tools to continue to progress, and

for the most part, to be able to choose (free will) the paths we take in life. We have a consciousness which enables us to know and feel what is around us. Einstein once asked, “what does a fish know about the sea around him. Well, humans do know a lot about the sea around us and how to use the stuff. Birds can build nests; humans can build civilizations on this planet and probably others. This century.

I am always fascinated by the instinct in humans called herd intelligence. We saw the Christian nation of Germany accepting the insanity of Hitler . . .and worse, participating in it. Being a part of its horrors. We see people in our country denying election results or supporting an attack on our capitol. We see the Beetles being able to revolutionize our teenagers. Though the ability to choose exists, free will can be tempered through fear, ignorance, political rallies, and religions. Herd intelligence is the gorilla in the living room with free will is sitting on the sofa next to him. I would be pleased if the two would just arm wrestle occasionally, but too often free will just sits there conceding the fight to herd intelligence.

Our basic nature is not a static condition – it is progressive. Humans have accelerated their own evolution and continue to do so. During hunter and gatherer days, when no one owned property or had material possessions other than a weapon made of a sharpened stick, greed and avarice were probably not embedded in our souls. Our early ancestors had no property, no possessions other than weapons and animal skins for clothing. They were bound together out of the common need to find something to eat and have shelter. Ownership is a “johnny come lately” attribute of the human condition and added new dimensions to our nature.

When we became farmers, we needed property upon which to grow our food. I now have a possession which is essential for survival, and as my family grows, I need more. And as my family joins other families in the village, we need more property for growing our food, having water and other resources. Greed is born of survival – the need to have property and more property to provide for the needs of the inhabitants. The need to protect property and provisions (hunters and gatherers did not have provisions; that is, storage of their food) was the basis of humankind saying, “this is mine and keep your hands off it” and then through the

need to expand saying “this is mine and by the way what you have is mine too”. We became possessive which fueled become aggressive. I need my five acres to plant and as my needs grow, I need yours too. Our nature continues to respond to the needs around us.

“I want more” became and is a major element of our nature. “I want more including what is yours” is the basis of a capitalistic consumer economy. It is the basis of adultery and war. The Ten Commandments – the ones about not committing adultery, killing, not stealing, slandering your neighbor or a rival politician, coveting -that is, I want what is mine and his too - . . .those are inimical to the nature of man that always wants more, his more and your more. But part of our nature is to figure out loopholes and that is what we created lawyers.

And “more” also meant improved productivity and outsourcing of human functions which created the opportunity for leisure and recreation by the masses. Entrepreneurs such as Henry Ford opened the door to almost all Americans to own automobiles through his assembly line which massed produced a means of transportation which replaced the horse. A new culture was being created, one which has moved us from the seven-day work week, with child labor and unsafe work conditions, to the trend of a four-day work week with leisure and recreation becoming the dominant activities in our lives. We are better read because we have time to read; we are more aware of the world around us because, through the internet, is a touch of a button away. We have pushed our own evolution – it didn’t just happen.

With that background, some of my observations are:

If we are born with goodness, I think it must be thrown out with the placenta. I agree with Locke that we are born with a blank slate (tabula rasa) as knowledge is concerned, and Seneca that ethics must be taught and experienced. I was raised (beginning 90 years ago) believing that role begins with two parents who live and love together and teach their children to do so (although “marriage or pair bonding” was originally an ownership and control mechanism, not based on the Love Story.) But as I am watching glaciers and beaches disappear with climate change, I see that role beginning to vanish as well. About half our children are raised by a single parent. Where parents are together, most work. The role of

parenting is either outsourced to a day care center – the operative words being “day care” and not character development care – or with luck a grandparent. The role of teaching values is largely outsourced.

In a simple life, where property and material issues are not involved, less conflict exists. But like the three year old, the impulse that “it is mine and I want yours” began to formulate. And that may be the overarching umbrella of humanity today: It is mine and I want more. And yours . And maybe the government give it to me. Greed and selfishness have been outgrowths of our survival instincts since we began this thing loosely called “civilization”. Napoleon and Hitler wanted more. Both got it: one a little island where he spent his last days nursing a rotten tooth and another got to honeymoon in a bunker and try out a new pistol as the Russians were coming in.

Ownership of material things is our red badge of courage; our toys identify who we are. And every day there are more toys and better toys which I must have if I am to keep pace with fellow rats in this race. Our reason to exist is to have stuff, not to contribute to others, to the planet. It is about stuff. And new toys today that did not exist yesterday but which I cannot live without now.

Thus, discontent is the result. That is, in part, the nature of humanity today: discontent. Upward mobility, downward civility. Living in contentment is difficult with road rage on the way to the office which has just installed a new complex software program and another new boss because the last one took a better paying job in another state . . .and so on. It is a complex, changing world. It is a world of “unpermanance”, whether it is where we live, our relationships, our families, our jobs, and our toys.

o Most of us simply live a life created by others. Most of us do not choose to go to war. That is decided by the few. Minorities are actually the majority in numbers but they live according to the ground rules laid down by the few (political and corporate leaders); technology is created and thrust upon us, and we must learn to use it or watch the rest of the world go by. In other words, most of humanity does what the powerful and most creative tell us to do. Even the absence of privacy is not my choice.

I may not know my neighbor, but I know how to use 100 applications on my smart phone. Detachment is another element of humanity today. In this world of social media, we now have “electronic neighbors”, sometimes thousands of followers who read what you post. And the nasty “neighbors” on that media are in the millions. Write a blog and your ancestry will be questioned. On Quora, I just read a list of “Dumb F_ _ king” questions that went viral. We should encourage questions and a quest for knowledge instead of ridiculing others because they are “dumb”. I made that response, and I became the bad guy. So ridiculing others is now a part of our nature.

God must have had a spin wheel which had classifications of humans. There were whites, white elitists, blacks, browns, beiges, yellows. He spun it and if the arrow stopped on blacks, he sent them to Africa; if white elitists he sent them to school at Cambridge. If they were brown, he sent some of them to build a wall to keep out the other browns. And so on. An element of the nature of humankind is the stupidity of racial divides, of barriers to progress because of color or sex or religion. And it is stupid. To intentionally create subclasses just from an economic point of view is absurdly stupid; to have subclasses which cannot compete economically and may create burdens for taxpayers, or increased crime . . .that is a smart thing to do? A new term is being used to describe us today: idiotocracy.

o If abolishing the Indian culture is acceptable, then what could be expect if there is life on another planet and we cannot pull off an Independence Day? Is there a precedent here on earth for how that would work out, for our contrails of tears into space because to the victor goes the spoils?

o The comedian George Carlin once said, “think about how stupid the average person is and then realize that half of them are stupider than that”.

Responding to an authoritarian government or business is a strong element of our humanity. Most people live without protest in an authoritarian form of government (almost 4 billion but who is counting?) Most of our businesses have had (and still do) a command-and-control approach. Almost half the voters approve a leader to whom the rule of law had no meaning and an attack on the Capitol is buried in the swamp. Large

business dictates our culture and like sheep we go baa baa. How many families live in an environment of fear and intimidation? Democracy had a fling, but when Benjamin Nostradamus Franklin said after the adoption of the Constitution “we have a republic if we can keep it”, may have been looking in his crystal ball and seeing January 6, 2021 unfold before his very spectacles.

The Broadway Production “Damn Yankees” was about a modern day Faust, where the star attempts to sell his soul to the devil so his baseball team can finally win a championship against the Yankees. Guys like Phil Graham and Faust would have hit it off well. Selling our souls for a selfish gain is a part of who we are. It is a trait we must fight against, but loyalty has a half-life of about 15 nano seconds.

o And somehow this causes me to think of Andrei Sakharov, the Russian who was the father of their hydrogen bomb program who later won the Nobel Peace Prize. He used his genius as a physicist to create a weapon of mass destruction for his fatherland, for which he was richly rewarded, and later, after his bomb had been successfully tested, he becomes a part of a peace movement, protesting the development and testing of nuclear weapons, for which he wins an international award. I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall at a café next to the table where Faust, Graham, and Sakharov were having a cup of coffee.

o As an aside, Sakharov’s wife was a pediatrician. I have wondered what it would be like to work endlessly to help save lives of children and go to bed at night with a scientist who develops a bomb which can destroy all of them.

Foul weather friends. For the most part, if there is a catastrophe, we stick together. We are better foul weather friends than fair weather ones, a natural outgrowth of our survival instinct and herd intelligence.

We manipulate. In fraternity dating in college, the students put on their best “faces”. Girls put stockings in their bras and guys talked about their prowess in and out of bed. Marketeers let you believe this is the greatest product since sliced bread and politicians may tell you that they alone can fix America and we believe that stuff. So, being a manipulator is a part of our nature; so is being a manipulatee. I learned in law school that most

contracts are bilateral; so is propaganda at any level. The propagander who is selling the BS and the propagandee who mindlessly is buying it. Worked for Joseph Gobbels (“the victor will not be asked whether he told the truth”). Being a BSer and being a BSee are natural parts of human nature. Propaganda wins elections and sells auto repair protection plans, supplements for brains to perform at the Einstein level. Idiotocracy?

Outsourcing human functions has always been a part of our nature since we first used a stick as a plow. It has raised the human condition out of poverty to a considerable extent throughout the world, created unintended consequences of untold suffering at the same time. But it is who we are. Now we have artificial intelligence though I sometimes am not in awe of our natural human intelligence. We have robots, and cars that enable us to drive and sleep instead of just drink and drive. We ain’t seen nuthin’ yet. We have for the first time the opportunity to advance at warp speed our evolutionary path instead of waiting for it to catch up with us.

I get my worth by putting you down. “Women cry and therefore can’t be soldiers or be president. Blacks are not as bright as whites. Gays are going straight to hell. The Jews caused Germany to lose WW I. Democrats are communists. Republicans are Fascists.” And so on. Interesting that Socrates said “great people discuss ideas, average ones discuss events and small minds discuss people” so what does that same about which category most of us are in? In conflict management, we emphasize that in disputes, we attack issues and not people. In Blogs, we seem to only attack the Blogger, never even thinking about the real issue. When a politician is debating and his/her major thrust is to attack the size of an opponents’ hands or feet, which category does he/she fit in? And if you support that candidate, what category does that put you in? So, is how I get my self-worth deprecating others?

I think our nature is like the elephants. Innately, we want to be loved, and to love. I think we generally care for others but have gotten caught up in a fast-paced culture perhaps not of our choosing. And our nature adapts to such circumstances. The foregoing are the trends I have seen intensify over the last almost full century of my life.

And so it goes. Cynical or realistic?

But we all have the tools to make choices. To decide what kind of life we wish to have and then live it through using the tools we have been given. We can use our good emotions, or desire to feel good and do good. Hope is also creatable. If we wish to be brave, we do brave things: if we want to have a future, we do stuff that creates one. We have the tools to do that. We can figure things out, learn how to adapt without becoming a humanoid.

One of our tools that we have been given is “critical thinking”; that is the ability to test the validity of a given proposition (or sales talk, or political speech) by asking penetrating questions, researching, using reason) instead of just blinding accepting the latest conspiracy theory. Be better than you are. But know who you are. And the culture in which you live – the sea around you. We have the tools to know what is right and what is wrong, and the tools to choose to do that which is right. No matter how one has been raised, we do know the difference between right and wrong. The issue is how we choose. And largely no matter what the circumstances of our birth, we can live a self-sufficient life.

“If I can do it, you can do it” should be a tag worn by millions who have, through their determination, overcome poverty, racial and sex discrimination, physical and mental impairments. I think of a lady who grew up not long after the Brown v. Board of Education case, was raised by a good, Christian family but were poor. A single mother at age 16. She figured out how to get two college degrees; is highly successful in business; her son now a college graduate. If she can do it, you can do it. Oh, yeah, she is black. She used her tools of intelligence, relationship building, problem solving to survive and survive well. She used her tools. She created her own hope and from her hope the steps to achieve her dreams.

12. What is the Role of Intentions?

My mother would tell me: “Tommy, the streets of hell are lined with good intentions!” when I would say: “I meant to study but I got involved with playing

with my electric train.” Or “I intended to call my grandmother on her birthday, but I was practicing for the game next Saturday.” Or “I wanted to save money to buy a new baseball glove, but I spent it on the Saturday movies instead.”

Meant to, intended to, wanted to are names of streets in hell, I suppose. My grandfather would say “intent without action and a nickel gets you a five-cent cigar.” That sock turned inside out would be “intention plus action gets you a really good cigar.”

New Year’s Resolutions are “intentions” which, with a nickel, gets most people a five-cent cigar. Marriage vows are “intentions” to live together through thick and thin but often are like the ashes on that five cent cigar. They go up in flames.

I am going to control my temper, my drinking. I am going to become a better spouse or parent or boss. I am going to stop procrastinating . . .next week or so.

All intentions, good intentions, which one day will fill the chuck holes in the streets of hell. Well, maybe not, but unfilled intentions tend to develop a pattern which does not lead to the gold bricks on the highway of life.

There is muscle memory; I think there is success memory. Dr. Maltz who wrote Psychocybernetics a half century ago, suggested success and self-image can be developed the same as one’s abs. As to the latter, one goes to the gym daily, works out thirty minutes or so. Gradually, the flab vanishes and is replaced by the six pack. Success and self-image require the daily work out as well. Remember, it took weeks and months to get rid of the waist and create the six pack. Success is like that. By setting small goals which can be and are accomplished each day, a pattern of success is created, one feels good about oneself for having checked of the activities on the daily to-do list. Like the endomorphins released in the mind through exercise, daily exercise of checking off the activities on that to-do list has the same effect in building a pattern of success and with it, a better sense of self. The brain is saying: “Hey, look what I did! Pat myself on the back!”

I have given platelets in the past. Every Sunday I went to the blood bank, had a needle stuck in my arm and pumped a rubber ball for an hour and a half. And a couple of weeks later I would receive a letter telling me which area of the country, or which hospital had received my donation. The pandemic slowed down that

process, but I felt like I was a drug addict having withdrawal systems. Giving platelets was indeed an addiction to feeling good about myself, that I had done something for fellow humans, helped save a life.

Intending to help or to achieve a goal is the light bulb. But one must get off the couch, walk over to the wall and turn on the switch. (Although today one can tell Alexa to do it for you.) Like walking around the world, it begins with that first step.

Henry Ford truly wanted a car which was affordable to the masses, enabling city folks to visit the countryside and the farm folks to bring their produce to the market. He was a scoundrel in many respects, but he did what he intended to do. And changed the world (and probably the climate!).

The construction of the world’s tallest building began with an intention to do so, and then it took a million or so small steps to construct it. A man on the moon began with Kennedy’s intention to do so, but it took hundreds of companies and thousands of employees 3600 or so days, doing little and big things for that achievement to occur. Intention plus action. It began with the first step and ended with a “small step for man but a huge one for mankind.” Small steps lead to big ones.

Small golden bricks make up the highway.

I must start reading books begins with getting a book, opening it, and reading the first page. I must become better at writing begins with opening the computer to Word and putting down your thoughts. That report begins with creating an outline of it. I must overcome my anger by making a list of things which are the triggers to it.

Intention plus the first step. And then the next one.

Or I will line the streets of hell.

The first step is often the most difficult. At launch, the first foot off the pad is the one which, to overcome the grasp of the rocket ship by gravity, is the most difficult, the one requiring the most energy.

Getting off the couch to walk around the block requires more energy than the last step in opening the refrigerator door to get a beer after you have completed your

walk. The first step to communication is to listen, actively listen. The first step in reading more books is to get one and open it. The first step in overcoming having been a jerk is to say: “I apologize, I was a jerk!” The farmer’s first step in having a good crop is to clear the weeds and plough the soil.

A goal . . intention to achieve it . . .the first step . . .then the steps afterwards . . .the goal attained . . .evaluating how you can do it better . . .intending to do it better . . . a plan to do so . . .the first step . . .and so on.

13.Do You Hate Your Job?

This morning I overheard a conversation at a coffee shop between two young men probably in their late 20s or early 30s. One was complaining: “I hate my job.” It turns out he is an electrician probably earning $60,000 a year or so. The other replied: “Yeah and going to work sucks!”

I watched as they left. One got in a $50,000 Dodge pickup with a gun rack and the other a sports car, probably in the $60,000 range. Each had started the morning with 6-dollar lattes.

I hate my job, I hate going to work, but I love to drive expensive cars and instead of making cup of coffee at home, paying six bucks for a cup at Starbucks. My guess is that they both love to eat to survive and that working is the mechanism that permits that unless they live in the forests and eat berries and nuts.

I do not know when “work” became another ugly four-letter word, but it is unfortunate. Like other herd mentality stampedes, it has become something of a national past time. We have a lot of stampedes:

It is natural to complain about spouses and in-laws; and vice versa. (A friend complained about his daughter-in-law, saying: “Why, she lies in bed while my son gets up and brings her coffee in the morning. He cooks most of the meals. But my daughter, well, she married well. Every morning her

husband gets up and brings her coffee in bed; he does most of the cooking.”

The reason for my lack of success is my parents. “My dad was a monster. He had me doing yard work by the time I was 18 and when I couldn’t get a job and moved back with them, Mother stopped making my breakfast and wouldn’t give me the money to get it at McDonald’s.”

“My boss needs a glass stomach so he can see where he is going. He criticized me because I didn’t get that project done on schedule and because I put the move on one of the ladies in Human Resources. And we are still being forced to work 40 hours a week!”

“Don’t tell me what to do. You only live once, and I am not going to have any restrictions on how I do it. I agree that the center of the earth is not lead and iron. It is me. And if I don’t take care of my needs, the Government or my parents should. I am entitled to it.”

But back to “work”. Since the beginning of time, humans have had to toil to exist. A hunter spent time in the wilderness with its attendant dangers and challenges. In Egypt one got by moving giant stones up the pyramids, in Rome it might be in one of the armies or in a coliseum hoping to win the battle against a hungry tiger or another gladiator hoping to live another day. Serfs, that is, those who took care of the land for the lords and barons, have busted their butts for thousands of years.

With the Industrial Revolution and the tools for outsourcing labor to machines and not robots, the nature of the work has transformed from physical to mental, but it is still work. And the purpose remains the same: to eat (survive) and to achieve a given quality of life. I have noticed that most multi-millionaires work more hours than their employees – they are certainly rewarded generously, but it is still work.

Some of the things that might help those who “hate work, hate their jobs”:

Try living without working (unless you have a great inheritance).

Stop making a habit of bitching about work.

Appreciate the benefits this job provides you, including eating.

Consider educational programs leading to a more enjoyable one.

Suck it up!

The group I have the greatest empathy is the mothers of the past (and the stay-at-home moms of today). A couple of years ago I saw a television interview with a mother of a one-year-old talking about how difficult it was. I happened to know that her mother-in-law was her full-time nanny, washed and folded the clothes, , cooked the meals. “worked” 24/7. The mother came home after 6:00 or 6:30 and spent maybe an hour with the child. I am not being judgmental, but I had lived in period in which mothers raised their kids (changed dirty diapers, feed, and clothe them, and often home school them) while taking care of the old man and even working in the fields alongside them. They were the moral leaders of the family. They had no exits, no Starbucks, no trips to Hawaii. They were stuck. They had shorter life spans than men, more wrinkles, and bowed backs. They “worked”.

And as a kid, I saw the blacks, including kids, picking cotton in the fields, day in and day out. No coffee breaks, no exits. And I saw the Mexicans enriching the whites in the orchards in California. No health care, no livable wages. No exit.

And I guess when I hear a person complaining that he hates his four-day work week job, driving a $50,000 car, sipping on a Grande latte, and talking on a smart phone, maybe my empathy doesn’t get much above .005 on the “oh, poor bastard” scale of 100.

But maybe that is just because I am an old guy who grew up proud of being a worker, appreciative that I had a job, and callouses on my hands were my Red Badge of Courage. “Work” – physical work like pipelining, digging ditches - put me through college and law school. And as a professional, work (sometimes 60-80 hours a week) kept a lot of my clients in business. On my son’s ranch in Colorado, at 88 I “worked” by helping him round up cattle, handling 100-pound bales of hay and feed. That’s what ranchers do – work and sweat. And love it. My mother died in a hospital bed while inputting some accounting issues on her laptop - she worked. She was 82.

And maybe because I saw my grandson who graduated from college in the middle of the Great Recession, take a job on a Coors delivery truck, and being proud of it. He soon become a part of management and now is the co-founder of a successful CBD start-up business.

I believe in leisure – God created the seventh day for folks to take it easy. And someone came up with the idea of coffee breaks and vacations, and that is good and probably essential. But complaining about working should not be a religious chant.

14. Do You Have Friends Like This?

I have a lot of friends who are my heroes. For example: (him is inclusive of hers)

I have a friend who keeps his head when all about him are losing theirs and blaming it on him.

Another who can trust himself when others are doubting him. And one who is lied about does not deal in lies. Then one who is doubted by others but does not doubt himself. Some dream but do not make dreams their master. And others can bear to hear their truths twisted by knaves to make a trap

for fools. There are a few who have watched the things they gave their lives to,

broken and stoop and build ‘em up with worn out tools. I have known some who can talk with crowds and keep their virtue and

walk with kings and keep the common touch. And others who fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds’ worth of

distance run.

And you know, for them, theirs is the earth and everything that’s in it!

Rudyard Kipling knew some folks like this and wrote a poem entitled IF for his son back in 1909. If you haven’t read it, I commend it to you and suggest a copy be placed next to your nightstand next to Desiderata.

And Kipling wrote another poem which has reinforced by sense of humility.

In India back in the 1890s, when the British who occupied India were engaged in another battle, the life of a British soldier was saved by an Indian water carrier,

who was also killed. The line in Kipling’s poem about that adventure which has stuck with me since it was read by my grandfather by kerosene lantern in the mid 1930s is:

“By the livin’ Gawd that made you,

You’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din.”

And I grew to know so many Gunga Dins, those who are “better men/women” than I am.

A newly appointed vice president of a national corporation. Female, single mother, one natural and two adopted. Black.

A Senator who would not bow to the pressure of his party any more than the torture from the Viet Cong.

A couple who stayed happily married 62 years. The president of Nucor who did not lay off any employees during the

Pandemic. The person who donates platelets every week or so. The Republican who publicly promotes getting a vaccine and wearing a

mask. The Democrat who is aghast at the disorder of leaving Afghanistan and says

so publicly. The lady who was diagnosed with CLL and cardiomyopathy the same day

and raised her great grandchildren ever since without a complaint. A bunch of ladies who see their husbands leave in the morning and are not

sure they are returning at night. A bunch of ladies who are married to husbands who may suffer the trauma of war for the rest of their lives, and they will be always by their sides.

A woman who goes carries a baby nine months and then goes through childbirth. I couldn’t.

Any minority who overcomes marginalization and discrimination. Any white who stands against discrimination. A runner who came in last . . .way last . . .but kept running until the finish

line in the Special Olympics.

They and others like them remind me that there are a lot of Gunga Dins out there. Better “men” than I am.

I fall into the trap “I coudda been . . .” I “coudda” done more for my fellow human. At the end of the movie about the German industrialist Schindler who sacrificed and risked his life to save over 1000 years, we hear him saying: “I could have done more. I could have helped one more, I could have saved one more life.”

I “coudda” stood up for what was right more courageously than I did; I coudda been a better dad, a better husband and a better neighbor. I could have done a better job for my clients.

I coudda been a Gunga Din. Family and friends would be saying: “By the livin’ Gawd that made us, that old guy is a better man than we are. Why he is a modern day Gunga Din.”

I am not. I am not the Gunga Din poster child.

But it is never too late to work on it. It is never too late to extend myself to another. As my father’s favorite poem goes: “If I can keep one heart from breaking . . .” your life will not have been in vain. It is never too late.

15. Have You Stepped in the . . .?

In my early professional life, I was deeply involved in the political scene and often gave “stump speeches” for my candidates. One of my frequent stories, told to bring some level of transparency to claims by opponents was about a politician giving a speech at a rally at a local ranch. After every point he made, the crowd would shout “Oompah! Oompah!” The politician was heartened by this response and get up with elaborate promise after elaborate promise if elected, and the crowd would respond with “Oompah! Oompah!”. After the rally, one of the ranchers was leading the politician back to his limousine and at the fence grabbed him by the arm and said: “Sir, be careful, don’t step in the Oompah.”

Old story and not very funny although it went well in the 1950s when I was doing my politickin’.

But I also realize that it is a great lesson to learn by all of us. We must all be careful about stepping in the Oompah.

The politicians and cereal manufacturers must have fertilizer plants as they spread so much of the Oompah. Some “news” (and I use the term “news” very loosely) channels may be a part of the supply chain.

There is an expression that if it waddles like a duck, sounds like a duck, and smells like a duck, it is probably a duck. If it looks like Oompah and smells like Oompah, it is probably Oompah. If it sounds too good to be true, guess what?

I do not apologize for a bit of cynicism for it is buyer beware whether it is what I am told by a politician or a doctor, a marketeer or a preacher. I question what I am told, I read the small print, I read the warning labels on prescription drugs . . .And I do my research to see if I am about to step in the Oompah.

Social media is often the purest form of Oompah, gossip is the most vicious and dangerous.

Be careful where you step. Be careful about what you swallow.

16. It’s a Great Day for Shoveling

Some years ago, I was walking the construction site of a wastewater treatment facility in New Mexico. The day was hot, unusually humid for the area. It had rained the previous night and now the sun was creating a sauna on the job site.

And then I came across a laborer shoveling red clay with a sharpshooter, or what we called “idiot sticks” back then. The wet clay was sticking to the shovel, making the job especially difficult and frustrating. The laborer’s face was muddy, and the sweat was creating little rivulets down the cheeks. I asked how it was going. And the reply was: “Well, sir, it is a great day for shoveling!”

A great day for shoveling! In years to come, I would often remember what I had been taught by a young lady, Jamie Regan, a girl in man’s clothing and a man’s world on a hot, steamy morning in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I never saw Jamie again, but she is a part of my life and that has been over 60 years now.

Yes, Jamie, it is indeed a great day for shoveling. It is a great day for facing the challenges instead of shirking from them or simply complaining about them. It is a great day for working through a problem rather than blaming someone else for its existence.

Yes, Jamie, it is a great day for shoveling. It is a great day for tackling that bad job, that bad relationship, that unsolvable problem, and by so doing, turn around the bad job, improve the relationship, and solve the problem.

Jamie Regan, you were the age of one of my grandsons when you taught this old dog that it is a great day. A great day to do great things. Even when it is hot and humid, and the thing I am doing is not great. But it is a great day to do it great. Wherever you are, and whatever you are doing it is a great day.

Thank you, Jamie.

17. Am I a Creditor?Does the world owe you a living?

I came from a generation which believed in self-sufficiency, in being able to take care of yourself, living without assistance from others. Obviously, no one is completely self-sufficient. The infrastructure, which you need to perform your work, was built by others. You had teachers and coaches in college. There are resources for mental health, anger management, training. Most successful people have a mentor, and they read to learn about the successes of others. Taking advantage of these resources is a smart thing to do and can become a pathway to self-sufficiency.

Maslow, the esteemed industrial psychologist who developed the pyramid of needs, saw the evolution of a person as follows:

The child is dependent. Like the baby elephant it is taken care of by the parent and the herd – the village if you will. All its needs and pleasures are provided by others. As it grows and matures, it is taught to be independent, as the child graduates from school and is able to take care of his/her own needs. And as the adult becomes wiser and a part of a community, family, employment, he/she helps others also become independent, to be self-sufficient: that is what Maslow meant by interdependence.

The question is: are you a creditor with the world owing you a living? Is the world – the government or your parents – a debtor which owes you payments for existing?

Or are you the debtor who owes others (and the world) your efforts for making it a better place for all of us to live. Are you the debtor who should participate in good government because it has provided an infrastructure, educational opportunities, and other resources? Was John Kennedy spot on when he proclaimed: “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country!”

In other words, are you dependent, independent, or interdependent?

I listened to a contestant on America Has Talent answer the question: “If you win, what are your plans?” His answer was: “To give back to those who have sacrificed for me, who have shown faith in me.”

A few years ago, I sat on the front row as students were receiving their college sheepskins. One, whom I knew and respected, was a black lady. Later I said to her: “There are thousands of people who walked ahead of you in order to make that happen. Perhaps Christ was one of them, Martin Luther King, Supreme Court Justices who gave you equal opportunities in public schools. Isaac Newton, the brilliant scientist, said that he stood on the shoulders of giants. You have walked in the paths of giants, stood on their shoulders. Now, what are you going to do to be a giant walking in that path, to have broad shoulders on which others can stand?” And now she is one of those giants.

Dependent Independent Interdependent

We stand on the shoulders of those who have sacrificed for our freedoms, and those who have eradicated major dread diseases and figuring out how to manage others. Our life spans have increased and the quality of life within those spans have improved because of the contributions of others. We have received from the entrepreneurs who have created a better quality of life and from the early founders who gave us the right (if we choose to exercise it) to participate in our government. We have been given a lot.

But should we give. Give by being informed and virtuous members of a republic; by giving blood; by working to be able to pay our bills; by taking advantage of resources to overcome addiction, abusive behavior. By making others feel better about themselves, instead of feeling hopeless. By being debtors instead of creditors? If you are a Christian, you can believe you have been given a life after this one.

The inscription on the Statue of Liberty says “Give me your tired, your poor. Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free . . .” It does NOT say: “And we will keep them that way!” Nor did the tired, weak, poor, and huddled masses want to remain that way. They came here to overcome fatigue and poverty, to breathe free of oppression, including poverty. They came here to continue to build a free, hard-working, strong middle-class society. Italian brick masons came to The Hill in St. Louis to build, using bricks from the clay which they discovered there, most of the public structures in the State. In San Francisco they built the largest China Town outside Asia to create a new life for themselves. The Basques developed the largest sheep herding business in the United States.

They came here to work, to be free of tyranny and oppression, whether government or economic. This is who we are. Hard-working middle-class folks, who make a life for themselves the old-fashioned way: they earn it.

We are debtors: we owe to those on whose shoulders we stand, those who cleared the path for us. If we need help, resources are available. But they are like the bricks made from the clay on the Hill in St. Louis. They are blocks we use to build our own structures of self-worth and value.

18.Has your joy passed?

John Greenleaf Whittier nailed it with this poem:

“Blessings on thee, little man,

Barefoot boy with cheeks of tan.

With thy turned-up pantaloons,

Ad thy merry whistled tunes.

With thy red lips redder still

Kissed by strawberries on the hill”

. . . and it goes on and ends:

“ . . .Ah, that thou couldst know thy joy,

Ere it passes, barefoot joy.”

My grandson sent me a note he was taking a business trip to Munich and Croatia; the same day my daughter would leave for a vacation trip to Hawaii, and about a week after my son bought a ranch and proposed to his wonderful lady friend.

At best, my response to them was tepid. I have flown more than 5 million miles, been to Munich and Croatia, had an office in Hawaii and had been there over 200 times; I had owned a ranch with Longhorn cattle. So, I was sort of “ho hum, been there, done that”.

And then I realized that they had not. This was new and exciting to them. And it was their first time and my first time to revel in the excitement of their first time. I realized that I had fallen into the black hole of adulthood that Whittier warned about: the joy of my youth, the joy of my adventures, the excitement of my discoveries . . .I had allowed to pass!

But I could share in their joys and adventures. I could take that trip to Munich and have a beer with my grandson and wander through the English Gardens, attend a luau and see the lava flow in Hawaii, and feed the cattle on my son’s ranch and feel the love between him and his lady. I would not physically be there, but I could feel it, could share in

their emotions. The joy of my youth, or the joy of my adulthood, did not have to pass. Discoveries by others could be as exciting to me as it was to them.

When I was in my 30s, I would come home from the office and “let the little boy go out and play”. I would roughhouse with the kids in the house (to the annoyance, of course, to my wife), play ball with them outside and just be a kid again. But over time I began to keep that boy inside. An airplane trip was “oh, gotta make that trip again”, or “well, Hawaii is nice but I am getting rock fever” and so on. I put a protective shield over my “joy box”, became sophisticated and blasé.

But there is a line in the poem that I remembered:

“Let the million-dollared ride!

Barefoot trudging at his side.

Thou has more than he can buy

In the reach of ear and eye.

Outward sunshine, inward joy.

Blessings on thee, barefoot boy.”

My daughter has just left for her trip. I will take care of her three dogs. By “taking care of” is to take them to the dog park, play with them in the back yard, give them treats and sleep with them at night – stuff that money can’t buy “in the reach of ear or eye.”

The little boy is coming out to play.

And when I do, I am going to become a poet or saint, for in Our Town, Emily asks if anyone every truly appreciates the miracle of life while they live it.

And the answer was: “Saints, and poets, maybe. . . they do some.”

19. WHAT KIND OF A RELATIONSHIP DO I WANT?

Assume I purchase a new house with the intent of flipping it in a year, which is a common practice. That is a transactional relationship. Now assume, instead, I purchase a house to create a home, a way of life, raise my children. That is a transformative relationship. A real estate transaction is transactional. Being president should be transformative.

Apply that to personal relationships. If, as a company owner, I just see employees as labor units without regard for their well-being; or if I am an employee and all I care about is my paycheck and getting by with as little work as possible, those are transactional relationships – this for that, quid pro quo. But assume the boss is interested in the employees, wants to develop career paths for them and for them to feel a sense of ownership in the company; and the employees are committed to the company’s mission statement and want to help the company succeed as well as having the opportunity for continued employment and advancement, that is a transformative relationship.

Businesses which have a commitment to “customers for life” have a dual role of transactional (selling a product) and transformational (developing customer relationships which endure over time.

My daughter helps place rescue German short hair dogs in the Southeast. A dog is identified, she picks it up and locates a foster care family. That is a transactional relationship. But she has three rescue dogs of her own; she talks to them, takes them to the dog park on all her dogs off; two dogs sleep on her bed and one at the foot of her bed. That is a transformative relationship. A college student was the life of the party; one of his “friends” hitched a ride with him one night to a local tavern where the student had a dozen or more beers and then got behind the wheel of the car to drive. His “friend” said nothing, did not try to dissuade him from driving. Sure enough on the way home the student was

stopped and ticketed for DUI. His BA above 2.0 so the conviction will be on his records for a lifetime. But another associate took him under his wing, helped him develop a more mature approach to life resulting in a great career, marriage and fatherhood. One “friend” – transactional. The other – transformational.

Often a boy/girl relationship is transactional. One night stands obviously fall in that category (love ‘em and leave ‘em), but some live-in or marriages do as well. When one or both parties are in a relationship for a quid pro quo, and are not working to develop it, it is a transactional relationship.

The farmer is an example of both. He sells crops (a transaction) but he takes care of the soil, does crop rotation, weeds and fertilizes (transformational). Modern management approaches stand on the shoulders of the farmers: they make sales (transactional) but they take care of their employees through training, respect, collaborative bottom up management, and a fear free environment. (Transformational).

In families that seem to work, we see collaboration. A friend of mine and his wife had 12 children and it was amazing to see how they worked together, played together. How the older children helped the younger ones with homework and even discipline was awesome to behold. But the parents also created space for themselves as well – they were not servants of their children and still could have time for individual interests.

Transformational is a blend of me and us. It is a blend of my own goals with those of others. China’s Belt and Road Program is not altruistic. China will be making investments in the infrastructure of 100 countries which will be of great economic benefit to those nations. But that will provide 100 trading partners to China, a guarantee that they will purchase their technological needs from China. After WW2, the Marshall Plan was a program to help Germany and Italy rebuild, which was a step in securing peace in Europe and providing an economy which would be of benefit to the United States. Us and Them. It is a blend of me (transactional) and them (transformational).

There is nothing wrong with having personal goals and objectives; we should have. But those personal goals can often be enhanced by helping others achieve their goals and objectives. Maybe only to feel good; maybe because helping

others is a personal value; maybe for an economic benefit, maybe to improve a family relationship.

The president of our nation should be Transformation-in-Chief, not Transaction-in-Chief.

20. “SPEAK FOR YOUR LIMITATIONS AND THEY ARE YOURS.”

Most limitations are simply challenges to be overcome:

Usain Bolt established a world record for the 100 meters at 9.58 seconds. A year later he bested his own record by a tenth of a second. One day, that record will be beat.

Climbing to the top of Mt. Everest, the world’s tallest mountain was an impossibility. Until 1953 when Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay ascended it and lived to talk about it. Now it is a commercial adventure with thousands paying to enjoy the climb.

Humans were unable to fly until the Wright Brothers did it for 90 seconds at Kitty Hawk. Now billionaires pay for a short ride into space. The sound barrier was impossible to break through until Chuck Yeager did it.

Smallpox was a global killer until a vaccine eradicated it. Dr. Jonas Salk proved that polio was no match for the tenacity of humans.

The history of humankind is to push beyond perceived limitations.

But the history of humankind is also to erect limitations. We are a paradox.

WORDS

Tao Te Ching suggested a few thousand years ago that “in the infancy of the universe, there were no names but that naming fragments the mysteries of life into ten thousand things and their manifestations.” In other words, “words” create boundaries, limitations, and separations.

o Democrat and Republican; red and blue states.o Color: that person is white, black, or brown or yellow.

White elitisto Authority: cop, vaccines, or masks.o Crippled.o Fat.o Beautiful.

“Dumb blonde”o Sexyo Immigrant.o Pooro Richo Middle class.o Maleo Femaleo Abortiono Islamo Jewo Southernero Yankee

Think about it. As you read each of the words, you had a mental image or profile of the role of that person in society. If the word is black, some see killings in South Chicago or buildings being burned in Chicago or maybe great athletes. Or a culture which is not yet ready to be on equal terms with the rest of us. Others will see pride and opportunity or hopelessness, oppression, discrimination, challenge.

If the word is Republican, some see a gift from God by the name of Trump; others see it was a scourge from Satan. If the word is Democrat, some see it as a salvation for the “weak and oppressed”, and others see Karl Marx.

If the word is “cave” many will see a dark, forbidding, and dangerous space in the bowels of the earth. But for those of us who have gone inside the cave, we find adventure, wonderment, and if Carlsbad Cavern, awesome shapes called stalagmite or stalactites.

And that is the way it is with words: they can be forbidding but perhaps if we penetrate, we might find interest, beauty, new ideas, values.

I tend to profile Trump people. I see them as uncaring, closed minded, and of the herd mentality. That is the “cave” I have perceived of a Trump supporter. And then I met Joel Furnace and his lovely wife. I found them to be a loving couple, committed to helping others and the planet. Their support of Trump was largely due to the abortion issue, and I realized that we had pretty much the same goals for our country. I entered the cave. They entered mine.

I started law school with the first blacks admitted to a public school in the South, at a time when my father was Ku Klux Klan, and I was a segregationist. But I began to visit them in their dormitory room and in their homes, chat over a cup of coffee. I came to love those guys, one of whom went on to become the Mayor of New Orleans. I entered their cave.

I was 18 when I began law school. Age was a limitation to the admissions committee, and I was initially rejected. I fought to gain entrance and succeeded. I became the second youngest to ever graduate from that law school; have written numerous books, countless articles; negotiation dozens of multi-million-dollar construction claims. The Admissions Committee looked into the cave labeled “age” – I had basically asked, as the song in Mama Mia – for them to “take a chance on me” and they did.

Sometimes when one enters the cave, there are true dangers, so caution is always appropriate. But the “word”, the “name” itself, should not be the basis for failing to enter it. Telling Grandma Moses she was “old” and therefore could not take up a new career; or Barack Obama that he could not be elected president because of the word “black”; or Kamala Harris that she could not become vice president because of the word “biracial” . . .well, each had a sign on their caves: “Welcome, the door is open. Come on in and look around. ”

So, names create profiles and limitations. But at the same time, the history of humankind is to push through those limitations.

And we have killer words like “I can’t”. My grandfather would say to me: “Old Mister Can’t Can’t Do Nuthin’.” And Bach in Illusions would say that “if you argue for limitations, they are yours.” And even worse when society says, “you can’t” – you can’t because you are black, or Asian, or a female, or Latino, or

“physically or mentally challenged”. Well, by God, you CAN. Don’t listen to that crap. You CAN. And if you do not let others define you, you WILL.

21. Must I Be Politically Correct?

I believe that the police from time to time have unreasonably used force on minorities. I also believe that minorities have often, through their own unlawful actions, put themselves in harm’s way. Being on drugs, resisting arrest, fleeing from authority . . .

It is okay for me to discuss police using unreasonable force but not okay for me to discuss minorities who violate the law, create situations which try the reason of those wearing badge?

Discussions of Mexicans crossing the border illegally is okay with Republicans (Trumpians) but it is taboo to talk to them about the hundreds of Republicans who left a Trump rally and attacked our Capitol with intent to over throw an election, and therefore our democracy.

There were things that my wife did not like about me. I found out what they were after the divorce. She said she had not wanted to upset me by talking about them while we were married – I guess it would have been politically incorrect.

Covey in his book the Seven Habits suggests that we “seek first to understand.” Police can seek to understand how minorities feel because they have been marginalized so long; minorities can seek to understand how a policeman feels when attempting to arrest one who

is combative and hostile. Blacks should be able to hold discussions with whites about the crime rate among blacks being higher than whites and whites should seek to understand the conditions which create breeding grounds for crime among the blacks. Understanding means honest discussion about issues in an environment of respect and courtesy, using facts and not BS to make one’s point. It is fair to express one’s emotions and fears, but always attack issues and not people.

Such subjects should never be “off the table”. They cannot be resolved without discussion, give, and take, deliberation. What should be off the table is how we talk about them.

“Political correctness” is a recent term for speaking without offending others. When I was a kid, it was called “politeness”, and “respectful of the feelings of others”. I would like to return to those words, for they are at the core of the Golden Rule. In conflict management, we have been taught to “attack the issue but not the person”; in diversity management, we have learned that we should encourage participation of different cultures and points of view. And in management, we have learned that fear is not an effective tool for optimizing the productivity of the work force.

Being polite or politically correct does not mean that challenging issues should not be discussed. Again, it is how they are discussed; they can and must be discussed respectfully, seeking “first to understand” in a polite, respectful and thoughtful manner. As opposed to simply a reactionary approach. For example, the saddle back decision to get rid of police forces is throwing the baby away with the bathwater. Burning down stores owned by anyone, including minorities, creates animosity among most people, including minorities. Reaction instead of response only inflames the issue. “We have an issue: okay, let’s discuss the most effective way to resolve it” may actually result in progress.

Words and phrases are now considered offensive, or not politically correct. In giving a seminar to a group at Duke Energy, I used the expression “manhours”. A monitor in the audience told me quickly that was a “taboo” and that it should be “workhours”. In my writing now, instead of using “he, him” which in the past were universal and all-inclusive terms, I use “him or her”. But I do not know the correct term for “manhole”. Is it “human hole”? Should I say “his/her hole”?

Obviously, words which are obvious “put downs” of one’s race, sexual orientation, et al should be taboo. The “N” word, or “wetback” or “Kike” should be eliminated from our vocabularies. And when men speak to a group of women, terms like “you girls” or “you gals” are off the table. And should be.

“Mansplaining” is now taboo. I guess I have always “mansplained”. When my wife would come to me with a problem, I would presume she was seeking a solution – that is what I have done professionally all my life. So, I would come up with solutions to her problem. And then I learned that she really didn’t want a solution at all – she just wanted to talk about her problem and have me listen. Instead, I mansplained and dug the hole of our difficulties deeper – I was a male chauvinistic pig. Yet in the 1970s I was a leading advocate for equal rights for women; one of the first keynote speakers at a Women in Construction national conference; and pursuing college scholarships for females. But I had this fatal flaw: I was a male.

And innocence is not a defense. If I say to a group of Asians: “I think that you people are among the brightest”, by the use of “you people” I have somehow offended people of Asia. If I refer to Uncle Remus or Aunt Jemima, I have insulted the blacks, no matter what my intent. I loved both- just looking at them made me feel good. But I can’t refer to

them or buy a product with their faces on it. It is racist to do so. That is, it offends many minorities, no matter what my beliefs might be.

And it is difficult because what is offensive is both objective (the “N” word is clearly objectionable) and subjective (that is, the offense is in the mind of the listener, such as “manhours”) and the innocence or good faith of the speaker is immaterial. I am reasonably intelligence, have been a civil rights activist for 70 years and yet I do not always know what is “politically correct” or “politically incorrect”.

Yet it is paradoxical. Even his most devout supporters would never make the case that Trump was politically correct (view the “Hollywood” tape, for example and yet he won most of the Republican female votes) as he insulted just about everyone except Putin and North Korean president Kim Jong-un.

Yet bloggers are almost expected to be insulting and offensive, to the point of being sickening.

Theoretically we believe in one nation . . .or so the pledge of allegiance goes. But the Dixie Flag – a symbol of discrimination and the division of our nation - is still seen on national television, at Charlottesville , West Virginia and on the steps of the White House and on houses in subdivisions and on pick-up trucks throughout the nation. There are those who see it as the symbol of the Conservative Republican Party.

We are a “Christian, peace-loving nation” – I think I read somewhere in the Bible about not killing and about treating others as you would wish to be treated – with one of the highest gun violence among all developed nations. Our spousal abuse incidents are off the wall.

But if I express concern about some of these issues (and others) , I will be told that if “you don’t love it, get out of it!”, so I guess that means the status quo is okay for a capitalistic democracy?

Bottom line: let’s go back to “politeness” and “respectful” which are politically neutral as opposed to “political correctness” which has become something of a weapon. At the same time, let’s have the maturity to work through issues (attacking issues and not people);to blend diverse ideas into strong solutions (and as Covey says, seeking first to understand, to being active listeners) , to perhaps be appreciative of the fact that most Americans support equality and are not racists and that being white does not mean that I am a white supremacist, or being male that I am a jerk. I may be a jerk but not because I am a white male.

In my own case, I will do the best I can to use “polite and respectful” language. I know myself and know that I will never intentionally say or do something to offend others. But unintentionally I may. And if so, I simply ask the person(s) offended to realize and appreciate my heart and not judge me by his/her sensitivity.

And I, like others, can change. For years I would say good morning and embrace all my female employees. I simply really loved them, and this was a traditional way of showing it. And then I realized that perhaps some or all were offended and did not speak up for fear of losing a job. I no longer embrace women. Hell, I don’t even hug my dog anymore. I hope not to be judged because an ancient relative was a slave owner. I have been a civil rights activist for sixty years and yet I have been asked to not attend a black church because I am a white guy. Again, as a white who has fought for minorities all my life, I feel strongly that blacks must work hard to reduce crime in their communities, but that makes me a racist in those communities.

It is one thing to be “politically correct” and another to use the term as a gag order.

As then President George H. W. Bush said, “although the movement (politically correctness) has the laudable desire to sweep away the debris of racism and sexism and hatred it replaces old prejudices with new ones.”

And if I say something that indicates I am a jerk, by attacking me for sounding like a jerk will probably motivate me to be more of a jerk. If “punch and counterpunch” are embedded in the rules of civilization, I must have skipped that chapter.

22. IS A GANG THE PLACE FOR ME?

Marlon Brando in The Wild One played a motorcycle gang member, raising hell and terrorizing a small California town. I began to profile all motorcycle riders as gangsters, dark and violent personalities, uncaring and should be locked up. The proof of the powerful influence of movies is that I am an attorney with an engineering and financial background and am proud of the fact that I base opinions and judgments on facts, and not fantasies, illusions, or movies. But The Wild One created a lifelong prejudice against motorcyclists. And gangs.

“Gangs” have long intrigued me. When I first began practice, I was appointed by the court as guardian ad litem for a 16-year-old by the name of Russell who had become orphaned. His mother was a lady of the street and his father a drug dealer. They had been murdered in a drug deal gone wrong. My job was to administer the small estate they left for Russell who was living with a relative. Russell was handsome, bright, and talented. And ran with a gang.

Despite counseling by myself and the relative (a responsible and caring aunt) Russell was in constant trouble as his gang was caught stealing copper wire from construction sites, crashing into liquor stores at night, terrorizing anyone they

encountered. It was the Wild Ones in real life, and not on the screen. Finally, as an adult, Russell and his gang killed another gang member, and he was sent off to Angola to make little rocks out of big ones. At his sentencing, I had presented a study I had done of his life and of gangs. I still have a copy of it. It made these points:

People join gangs out of a sense of belonging. Obviously, that feeling of belonging is substantially lacking for a person to consider joining a gang.

People who have been marginalized are likely to be gang members. Young people who lack family bonding, support and love are prime targets. They are not a part of a community – and that includes the school they

attend. They seek a “brotherhood” or “sisterhood”. They want to “be somebody”, to have a sense of identity. Many come from poverty and see a criminal activity as their career path. Most have a sense of hopelessness by the time they are in high school.

Many are drop-outs. The light at the end of the tunnel for them seems to be an eighteen-wheeler.71

That description had Russell written all over it. And by the time he was 21 he was a part of a gang which killed a man and would spend most of his life behind bars in a penitentiary known for its harsh treatment of prisoners. Russell became a member of a prison gang and was killed by another gang member. He was not yet 30.

And yet, we ask our police force to somehow protect us from those disposed to commit anti-social and criminal acts. The police were not there to prevent the young couple from having unprotected sex, or the pregnant mother from taking drugs or alcohol, or assist with cognitive develop its first five or six years. The police were not in position to provide educational opportunities and jobs for the parents; they were not there to give pats on the backs to the kids, to help them feel good about themselves, develop self-respect and respect for others.

Hillary is right: it takes a village. But it still takes a family as the center piece of that village. It takes parents (or a single parent if that be the case) who have and accept the responsibility for helping their child(ren) become self-sufficient contributing members of humanity.

Some of the reasons for young people joining gangs are the same for children from well-to-do families having issues of self-respect and self-esteem, and empathy for others, various addictions. No matter the degree of wealth, a child raised in a home where parents are constantly in conflict, of spousal or parental abuse, of parents with addictions, of unreasonable expectations, of criticism instead of love and support . . .those kids suffer the consequences too. They may have the financial ability later in life to pay for counseling (we turn their problems over to the psychologists instead of the police) but the impact on the amygdala may last a lifetime. It may be managed by therapy or drugs, but it still exists.

And I sometimes think of political parties as having “gang mentality” – members giving up their individual thoughts and principles to have a ball cap or insignia of their party. I think of Senator Mitchell stating at the inauguration of President Obama that the role of the Republican Party was to assure Obama would be a one term president. This has the overtones of the opposing gangs in West Side Story, or Mitchell in his black leather jacket cruising about on his bike with the training wheels, threatening those who favored another political party.

I know the general reasons for young people turning to gangs and anti-social behavior, but I also do not know how to fix most of them. I do not know how to fix families in America. I do not know how to fix communities in which crime flourishes. Oh, academically I do. I could write a learned paper, but it would just be a paper. I do not know how to turn it into action. I think LeBron James model school which integrates families into the process is perhaps the best approach I have seen. But we must wait and see how it works out. My fingers are crossed.

I do not know how to cause parents (including single ones) to provide a loving and respectful environment for their children. Again, the information is there, but converting it to action is another thing.

I do not know how to get the political parties to work together. In fact, I could not write a credible article on the subject. My feeling is that they will not. The process of becoming elected to a major political office is so corrupt, so destructive of individual values, that no vaccine exists against it. I have no faith in the political parties in this country. One gang against another. West Side Story being played out in the swamp.

But like Russell, sometime in the future, there will be a consequence. And all of us will pay a price – worse than the ones we are paying now.

23. WHO IS YOUR SIDEKICK?

My grandfather called me his “sidekick”. Today we might use the term “running buddy”, a person you hang out with, do things together, are supportive of each other.

In 1880, a two year old girl developed a fever which had the tragic effect of rendering her deaf and blind. She did not speak because she could not hear words spoken by others.

I can only imagine what it would be like for a child to be locked in darkness, not being able to see what was going on around her, to communicate her needs. Her fears and frustrations must have been a hell on earth for her and her parents. It was always dark. She had no control over her life, except to scream and act out her frustrations. It was the “terrible twos” on steroids.

And when she was seven, her parents engaged the services of a young lady who had studied at and graduated from a school for blindness. This was still the 19th Century with little or no technology that aided a Stephen Hawking, with no research grants into how to assist people with disabilities to function in life.

The young lady was on her own, her own wits and creativity. Her own passion to help another. Her first success was to teach her student one word – water. She did so by running water over the palm of one hand of the child and finger writing the word “water” on her other. Soon,

the child had it. She knew what water was, how it felt, and could communicate the word for it.

Through their association the child learned to communicate, became the first person with her disabilities to graduate from college. She became internationally famous as an advocate for all with disabilities and whom society had marginalized. She was an author and a celebrity.

And for almost the entire journey, her “coach” was beside her. Of course, the name of the child was Helen Keller and her coach was Anne Sullivan. Anne was Helen’s sidekick, even as Anne struggled with her own disability, blindness. I am not sure who was the most heroic, a little girl who could not see or hear, or her lifetime “sidekick” who was always there not to care for Helen but to teach Helen to care for herself.

I am sure that Anne’s heart poured out to the child and her impulse was just to be a caretaker. But she stood back from that role and helped Helen function as independently as possible.

A few years ago, I was climbing a trail to a waterfall in the Piedmont of South Carolina. It was difficult, I had recently torn a meniscus and I was 85.

So, close to the top, I was feeling pain and my lungs gasping for oxygen, I felt I had every justification for turning back. About that time, I noticed two ladies behind me. One was probably in the 60s and the younger in late 30s. I bid them good morning and mentioned that the trail was about to become steeper and more challenging. The older lady said: “I have always wanted to see this waterfall. It is on my bucket list. So, I guess I will just have to gut it out, because I am going to cross it off today.” And then I learned that she was blind. A blind

lady climbing a mountain determined to “see” the waterfall and the panoramic views! The younger lady was her daughter and had been her mother’s sidekick for a couple of decades. She had not been her caretaker but her sidekick, a friend who helped her mom function as normally as possible, with as much independence and self-respect as could be.

I finished the climb and watched as the mother walked under the fall, giggling as she became soaking wet. She fell once on a slippery rock and got up on her own. Her daughter was watching like a hawk but did not go to help her.

Once when I was giving platelets, I recognized the gentleman next to me. I had seen him here before, lying there pumping a red ball, needle in the arm, watching a video. He had been coming in almost weekly to donate platelets for years. He told the Red Cross nurse that he was a laborer in construction, that he had no real skills and could make no contribution to society through his talents. But he could save lives. He was single but he had helped hundreds of kids with leukemia live to be adults; had helped hundreds of adults survive and have a good life. He was a “sidekick” to people he would never meet, for throughout his life he (his platelets) would be there for them. (I met a 93 year old who gave blood every two months and had been for most of his life.) So, being a sidekick requires only one special talent: the commitment to others. Sidekicks don’t let their friends drive drunk because they care for them, they are committed to their well-being.

Nancy Reagan was there for her husband through the years of glory and the years in which Ronald could not recognize her because of his Alzheimer’ Disease. She was at his side till the end, living the “better or worse till death do us part” vow as it should be lived. She was his sidekick.

I read to a veteran (Frank Womack) in law school who was a triple amputee, blind and impotent due to falling on a grenade to protect his buddies during WW2. He had married just before going overseas and he stayed married until his death. His wife was there to support him through convalescence, law school, a legal practice and while in elective office. She helped him do those things. She was not his caretaker but his sidekick.

They are my heroes, these “sidekicks”. They make this world really worth living. Helen Keller was remarkable, but Anne Sullivan is the real hero in this story. Frank Womack overcame awesome challenges, but the star of this drama was his wife. What the doctors are doing at St. Jude is terrific, but their silent heroes are the blood and platelet donors – their sidekicks- who enable the children to live while their therapies are taking hold.

As I walked into my grandfather’s room, he raised his head and weakly said: “There is my little sidekick.” He died not long thereafter. But his real sidekick was sitting on the chair beside him, a lady with a doctoral who had married him when he could just write his name, had taught him to read and write, helped him develop his awesome mind and talents, was with him through the last painful journey that comes with asbestosis.

If you have a sidekick, you know what one is. If you are one, you are more fulfilled every day than most of us. And I salute you.

24.WILL THE 21st CENTURY BELONG TO CHINA?

I did (do not) not like Donald Trump, but I was smart enough to recognize that he was a force to be reckoned with . . . and will be.

I do not like many of the policies of the Chinese Government, but I (we) recognize that it is a force to be reckoned with . . .and will be perhaps forever . . Disliking it is not a management strategy. Speeches in the Senate are appreciated by constituents but do little in our competition with the second (first?) most economic power on the planet.

China’s Belt and Road strategy is to connect China to more than 100 nations which create about one third of the global GDP and has about two-thirds of the world’s population. It will do this through investment in infrastructure and technology and obviously embed its culture in its financial and trade packages. The idea is to create a massive uplifting of the economies of the countries involved in the BRI, an unrestricted free market and job creation the likes of which have perhaps never been seen on the globe. The Marshall Plan had many of those objectives but on a different scale.

China can truthfully boast of numerous accomplishments:

Raising over 400 million out of poverty in three decades. Meanwhile creating the largest middle-class population in the world. Advances in technology including:

o Artificial Intelligenceo The world’s fastest computero Electric car and batterieso Electric aircrafto Smart citieso Cat scan

Space exploration Largest automobile market in the world Construction of the world’s largest dam, the fastest train and the biggest

bank And a bunch of medals in the 2021 Olympics!

And the list goes on and on. And they are doing it with a hybrid of free market and central planning, a large dose of freedom in the marketplace and curtailment

of political rights and human rights. Autocracy with capitalism and lip service to the people who are tracked just about every waking moment by cameras throughout. But for now, it is working for China.

And their alignment with Russia (where there are now 367 Papa John franchises with plans which will soon exceed 500 , so state capitalism exists there as well), North Korea and Iran presents a formidable coalition of autocratic nations with mission statements to prove their form of socialistic autocracy is the best game in town. They are in an Olympic economic/governance competition and intend to win the Gold.

Can a democratic society (one that is identified on the map by red and blue) continue to be the moral and financial leader of the world? What are our options?

A good old-fashioned fallback is war. Worked in Korea (we have been there over 60 years.) Was a stunning success in Vietnam. Our foray into Afghanistan has increased the profits of poppy growers by a thousand-fold. Nuclear war sounds good. We lose most of our people and they survive with half of theirs. That makes a lot of sense. Like saying we will be out of Iraq in a couple of months after we get rid of those weapons of mass destruction. Or the people of Afghanistan will totally embrace us. Unfortunately, there are idiots on both sides of the waters who consider such options. War is not an option. It is a catastrophe of Biblical proportions.

Stay the course. We keep sucking the life out of our democracy, running up debt, red states getting redder and blue ones getting bluer, placing burdens on the right to vote, engaging in the corruption which brought down Rome (self-interest instead of public interest) . . .And listen to Einstein muse that insanity is defined as doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

Duh.

Of course, the answer is complex, and will evolve. But some thoughts are in order:

First, the globe is a big market- over 7 billion people and rising. Most nations are developed or in the process of developing. There is enough playing room for all of us. We are not trying to sink China’s boat, nor does it make sense for China to put a hole in ours. We are both big dogs and the mutual goal should be for both to have successful economies, and hopefully work collaboratively on global issues such as climate and human rights. (My view is that as the middle class increases, by necessity human rights will follow the curve. Not quick enough, but I believe that will be the trend.) Our goal should be win/win and not win/lose for that can lead to lose/lose. China the same. It is not in China’s best interest for the USA to become a third-rate nation, nor is it in our best interest for China to go back to the days of Pearl Buck’s The Good Earth.

In this country we must work to raise the water and all the boats - not just the yachts. A concerted national effort, such as our goal to put men on the moon, to provide training and opportunity to adults as well as youth, to provide the means for all who are capable to be self-sufficient. To swell our middle class to overflowing. We have almost 40 million functional illiterates, a high rate of high school drop outs who believe that selling drugs is a career path that beats being a barista. This will take a holistic effort at the local level, melding industry/business/educational institutions/municipal and state government/social institutions to set goals, develop goals and develop/implement plans to develop the strongest and most skilled work force on the planet. Repeat that goal: to have the strongest and most skilled work force on the planet. And keep it as the strongest and most skilled workforce which is comprised of people who can be self-sufficient in an economy that is affordable.

o This means an incredible emphasis on STEM schools, but also programs for present workers so they will stay on the leading edge of technology as well.

o It means we must have the best universities in the world, with access to them by rich and poor students. It means the best vocational schools in the world, with access to them by rich and poor students.

o This means an innovation driven economy which means developing the type of entrepreneurs and workers who are creative, and

innovation driven as well. It means models of Lockheed’s skunk works in the private sector.

o It means that human rights are exercised by citizens who live peacefully without gun violence as well as by the government.

o There are models which come close. In Charleston SC we see our schools providing programs which prepare students to enter the work force of companies such as Boeing and Volvo; we see in Greenville, SC the coalition of Clemson and BMW in developing an international automotive research center. The waters are rising there but many of the boats are still sinking. We must target these.

If we are a democracy, we must act as a democracy. That means encouraging people to vote, not putting barriers in their way. That means to abide by the rule of law; it means that politicians are elected to serve the people and not their private interests; it means an informed and objective electorate; it means that “equal opportunity” is not just a bumper sticker and the 4th of July is a celebration of the unique principles embodied in our Constitution and not just a special day to sell mattresses. It means that we have a Bill of Rights but also a Bill of Duties – the duty to not interfere unreasonably with the rights and freedom of others. Our actions must demonstrate the benefits of a democracy instead of its flaws. The world is watching.

o It also means affordability.

It means unleashing the creativity of our industries but also the nerd tinkering with some new toy in his or her basement. It means continuing to improve productivity but not at the expense of employment due to outsourcing to technology.

It means getting our own economy and infrastructure in good shape, reducing debt, having programs that are effective and can be funded without negative impact. It means that the government cannot do everything but must do some things- the right things. It means that the public must see government supplements as a last resort, not the only resort.

It means that we must work to obstruct cyber-attacks on business and our infrastructure. We can do that.

It means that we must learn to protect our intellectual properties as individual companies and not expect that our “diplomacy” will take care of it.

It means a real commitment to the development of clean energy (China spends twice as much in research as we do); and to the motivations to increase domestic manufacturing.

We must be proactive. We cannot play catchup. We spent trillions on the recent “wars without end” in the Middle East; those resources could have been expended on infrastructure, education, research and not only are the resources lost forever, so is 20 years of diverting our attention to the wrong priorities.

o I think it was the historian Toynbee who suggested that nations fail because they cannot keep up with the challenges they face. Durant suggested that success is a step toward failure because of the tendency to become lethargic. I think both are correct in a way. I believe when we lose the passion for what we have created that the curve trends south.

And so on. It is complex and will take sustained leadership, not politics-ship. It will take unity of purpose for the best interest of our country.

And I do not see it happening. But it could. I am an Independent and I do not see either party having the leadership it takes. The Trump Party will remain divisive and undemocratic and is engrained perhaps for generations to come; and the Democratic Party a tad too quick to try to solve problems with the pocketbook and at the national level. A Reagan or Clinton type might turn the corner if Reagan could avoid the Contras and Clinton the female interns.

The solution is not in rhetoric, but performance of Americans at what they do best: challenges. Fly the first airplane and turn on the first electric light. First man on the moon. First non-stop flight across the Atlantic by a man and then by a female. Kicked the butt of the Axis in WW2. (In 1941 we produced 800 combat aircraft and the next year about 25,000 and the next year we doubled that, thanks to Rosie and the American ability to mobilize its resources quickly and effectively). A democracy and economic system that has uplifted humanity across the globe.

We can do that. We have done that. Maybe still?

25.There Was a Woman, Hopefully Like Your Mom

She was born in “The Good Ole Days”. She really did walk ten miles to school in a blizzard.

She lasted through plagues that killed most of her town.

As a child, she went with her mother every weekend to bring cookies and medicine to Indian families in a village located at the end of the journey of the Trail of Tears. Her compassion for minorities, oppressed and the poor was galvanized by her early involvement with the Indians who had survived the Trail of Tears. She quoted all her life the statement by Fyodor Dostoevsky that she would believe in God when children no longer suffered.

She stood outside the shaft of a coal mine waiting to see if her father would be one of the survivors of the blast. And stood at the graves of those who did not.

She was of a generation that saw more world wars, and a deeper Depression than any other.

She saw hoboes replace flappers, helmets replace frazzled hats, rock and roll replace Glenn Miller, beatniks succeeded by flower children who became yuppies who are now graying Republicans.

There was only one Thelma Gene; it was a name she gave herself at Christening instead of the one given her at birth by her parents. She made her own decisions in life.

She stopped school at age 14, but never stopped learning.

She was an amateur astronomer with her feet planted on solid ground.

She became a social leader but was only amused when one of her functions at her home was disturbed as one of the prominent ladies ran from the bathroom, girdle down around her legs, falling and rolling and screaming, with the rest of the women panicking and running out of the house behind her. It turned out that her younger son had placed two large bullfrogs in the toilet, which leapt up and struck the dowager’s bare bottom as she sat on the seat. I happened to be that younger son.

The younger son did pay a price when she was doing spring cleaning and found the skin shed by the rattlesnake which had gotten free from his cage and apparently made a slat under the springs and mattress his resting place. The realization that she had slept over a poisonous snake for six months (we never did locate it) was a jolt that may have caused lifetime insomnia.

She accepted no less than perfection from herself – just about that in others. Yet she was the comforting and understanding shoulder to those whose grasp fell short of their reach.

Life was serious, but her wit and mirth were her aura.

She had flown with Amelia Earhart, gone to school for a short time with Pretty Boy Floyd, dated Johnny Mize, dined with governors, entertained two presidential candidates (Senator Eugene McCarthy whom she told he was too bleeding heart to win, and Senator Barry Goldwater who she told he couldn’t win because his false teeth clicked. I am not sure he had dentures, but he assured her he would follow her advice and get them fixed. And he was kind enough to refrain from mentioning that hers clicked also.)

There was one person in her life and that was A.J. Frisby, her soul mate and partner of 61 years. Their romance never dimmed. It grew and grew; and set as

a standard for commitment and love that few will ever be able to experience. She loved her sons but A.J. got the gold medal.

She was tiny but imposing.

She was stubborn but listened to the views of others. She was tough as nails with a heart as soft as a feather pillow.

In later years, she would hold court on her patio, a cigarette dangling from her lips, holding a long neck beer bottle, and talk about life. In the group who came to listen to her, was a Bob Jones student who would go fetch another beer for Granny, as she was known, or another pack of cigarettes. She was the wise old woman on the top of the mountain, from whom others of all walks of life would seek wisdom, but perhaps more so just to feel the courage and love that this little old lady exuded.

She was true grit. She was a person for all seasons; what you saw is what you got.

I attended her funeral as the only blood family member. I was the remaining son; grandchildren she had adored and cared for were probably too busy. She would have understood. The world had changed since she unflinchingly left it all on the field for those she loved.

She was my mother. And I miss her. And I miss that world.

Tom Frisby

26. IS LIVING THE LIFE OF A STOIC FOR YOU?

Seneca was an ancient philosopher who was also consul to Nero during his early years as emperor. In those early years, Nero was a “pretty good” emperor (unless “good emperor” is an oxymoron) and then some evil neurons took over. Now Nero is associated with being a bad fiddler but that is another story for another

day. And Seneca’s name is associated with “stoicism” although it was developed long before by a Greek named Zeno. One of his overarching beliefs was that “the world is a single community in which all men are brothers”. The book Seneca, a Penguin publication, is worth the read.

Wisdom, justice, courage, and moderation which are the four legs of stoicism, was practiced by Marcus Aurelius, George Washington, Theodore Roosevelt, and countless others throughout history. In essence, stoicism is about living a modest life wrapped in virtue. It is about the guts it takes to face life’s many challenges and pains, using one’s brain (reason) instead of simply reacting emotionally to life’s tribulations, though this parsimonious description scarcely does it justice.

Maybe Henry Thoreau had in mind the concept when he said: “man is richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.” Thoreau’s “pleasures” would consist of a relationship with nature and humanity, contributing to both.

And its core seems to be in Christ’s admonition that it difficult for a Camel to get through the eye of a needle than a rich man to get into Heaven.

And modern concepts of physical development based on “no pain, no gain”.

The concepts of stoicism seem to be something of an antidote to living in a high stress materialistic and unaffordable world that reinvents itself every fortnight or so.

Businesses which were overstretched financially did not fare well during the pandemic, nor did millions of Americans who had less than $400 in a nest egg to take care of rainy days. Much of the financial stress during the pandemic (and other times as well) are self-induced. Lack of financial discipline resulting in personal, corporate and government debt that is unsustainable is the antithesis of the concepts of Stoicism.

Living in moderation (Warren Buffet does) does not mean that one wears sack cloth and ashes, nor strives for success in one’s calling. It means that material things are not high on the list of things that provide fulfillment to you. Stuff is not what you live for.

Which gets to the idea that life is (or should be) pretty much up to you. You have the ability to develop yourself to be able to compete in the world; you can control your own emotions and tempers. Take charge of the one thing you can take charge of and that is you. The Hawaiians have and expression “shit happens”; you take charge of those things that you can prevent them from happening, and as to those things you can’t control suck it up. Whining, complaining, bitching, blaming others are not strategies for coping with life. Which means that Stoics have the guts to handle challenges, difficult times, and even pain (no pain no gain); and never wallow in self-pity.

I know a sixty-year-old who bitched about his mother when he was a teenager. He still bitches about her. The consequence of that is people who have heard the bitches a thousand times are not interested in listening to anything he has to say - besides, it tells them that he lacks the ability to get through challenges.

The Japanese concept of Kaizen – continuous improvement and learning – is embedded in Stoicism. One doesn’t let the world pass by, but rather is a part of the energy and activity of that world. Self-sufficiency is not a gift; it is a condition that each of us should earn on our own. “You are the captain of your fate; you are the master of your soul.” (Invictus by William Henley).

Stoics have a game plan for the quality of their lives; it is based on values, virtues, knowing and doing the right things, being minimalists, finding joy in life through relationships and appreciating the good earth. And avoiding (as Desiderata would tell us) loud and vexatious people – that is, load your bus with people of similar values and goals. Affordability is not an issue because you do not need non-affordable things.

Strong values keep you away from the steering wheel when you have had too much to drink. They keep you faithful to your spouse. They keep you from being greedy which is easier on your pocketbook and your relations. They make life better as you treat others as you would have them treat you. You don’t sweat overdue bills or audits from the IRS. Women are not afraid of being attacked by you, so relations with the opposite sex can be warm and rewarding. You don’t risk being abused by a policeman because

you are disobeying some law. That makes life a lot easier and more peaceful.

Stoics actually think through issues, rather than reacting to them. Instead of yelling and shouting, they analyze a problem or situation and figure out the best approach which is never losing one’s temper or lashing out. As Judge Ito once said: “take a deep breath” before responding to a situation which may cause anger or frustration.

And the Stoic is creative. As Seneca pointed out: “The men who pioneered the old routes are leaders, but not our masters.”