We the NA TODAY subcommittee havegiven considerable thought to thisissue of our Australian magazine. Weinvite your comments and suggestionsand hope that you enjoy this edition.

We have focussed this edition in parton the topic of " The Home Group ".We intend to include one major themein each issue. We hope that you enjoythe shares included here on thistheme, one of the most important areasof focus of support for us as NA mem-bers, be we newcomers or not.

Anything that we can do to help sup-port each other to maintain recoveryand lead a happier healthier life is aworthy objective. We invite yourresponses and ideas for future themesand shares on how your experienceswith giving or receiving support fromfellow members and your Home Grouphave helped you in your journey ofrecovery.

We wish you well in your endeavoursand look forward to your contributions.We leave you with the all importantthought that we all have witnessed in

reality : Don't give up before theMiracle happens, for the Miracle willhappen if we wait and work for it !

Many thanks for allowing us to be ofservice.

Rosie REditor NATODAY Subcommittee

NA Today has been published for twenty three years. It is a free publication and can be down-loaded from na.org.au website. NA Today presents the experiences and opinons of individualmembers of Narcotics Anonymous. The opinions expressed herein should not be attributed toNA as a whole, nor does the publication of any article imply endorsement by NA or the NAToday Magazine. Permission to reprint from this publication is granted to all other service

boards and committees of the fellowship of NA providing they cite the source.

looking after the newcomer page 4

horroscope page 6

is the steps working guide working? page 8

the home group page 11

some history from kuala lumpur page 16

what is outreach? page 18

funny page 20

pain in recovery page 21

letter from prison page 27

Inside this issue

Recently I moved to the city froma small country fellowship. Istruggled with the impersonalnature of the big city fellowshipand I am pretty shy at the best oftimes. My natural demeanour isretiring and isolated andbecause I didn’t know anyone, Ijust didn’t feel like going to meet-ings. I went to one a week, thenone a fortnight and then I hadn’tbeen to one for nearly threeweeks. I had been meaning togo to the Thursday night meet-ing and I started thinking I mightgive it a miss. The thoughtpopped into my head “if I don’tgo tonight, it means I’m notgoing”. The thought rang loudlike a warning bell. “My god I’mnot going to meetings”. I hoppedon the bus and went to theThursday night meeting wherethere were a couple of peoplewho reconised me from a fewweeks earlier. They said theirspeaker hadn’t turned up andwould I like to do it. I gave it a goand people seemed to enjoy myshare. I was very nervous butthose members

were so welcoming to me that Ikept wanting to come back.

They encouraged me to join thegroup and I did. I went back thenext week and since then I havebecome an regular member ofthat group. It became my homegroup. Since then I have beenback to my normal behaviour ofabout 4 meetings per week. I runwell on that amount. I am grate-ful to those members becausethey caught me just before I fell.And perhaps the home group isone of those things that is justgood to have, to make sure youhave at least one meeting aweek where you feel welcomeand responsible for turning up.

Michael G.

4

The next time you are at a meet-ing during the break or talking tofriends, take a look around. Do aroom check. Is there an addictsitting by themselves talking tono one? That is your sufferingaddict. Sometimes it is a new-comer that didn’t raise theirhand. Other times it is a visitorfrom out of town looking for afriendly face. Or maybe it is anold timer who is feeling reallybad. Regardless of who it is “Anaddict alone is in bad company”.Suggest to your friends that yougo over and include them in yourconversation.

They may or may not be gratefulat that moment, but I can guar-antee you that by this simpleselfless act requiring less thanten minutes of your life that youhave helped that addict. Theywill be less likely to slink into iso-lation thinking no one cares.They will be less likely to useand more likely to KEEP COM-INGBACK!

And if you are that addict sittingalone at a meeting, do a roomcheck your self. By sharing withanother isolated addict miraclesbegin to happen. I CAN’T WECAN.

I was left alone at ameeting and I felt

alienated andterrorised

5

Don’t worry about the madness of the last few weeks ty. We think we are all spiritual one minute, then the nabout it, everyone fucks up, defects are retitive spirituJust because you are the bull doesn’t mean you talk tare for the newcomer, that’s the reason they are the mthe room, before you decide what to say. Spontaneity

Twin set and pearls. There is more to life than the shaney. Feed it with the beauty of nature. Leave behind thmake awkward advances towards the opposite sex – You are virtually a psychic. Cancers are the best. EverContributing? I hope so, otherwise you wouldn’t havecome back.DiCaprio is a fine name sake, though Arnie Grape is myour sponsor’s analysis of how you are going. Your coare a lion. Destiny, its yours take it.Loosen up mate. You are so tightly wrapped in the properfection or put away just to look right,. Leave your pway.Make a fucking decision will you. Your inability to comtake responsibility, but that’s not true. The bed is madGod, not another human being. Do not be controlled bYour poisonous tongue will not make you any friends. Asome amends. Tell them you are sorry and try to reallyonce you can achieve that you’ve got it made.Cupid only misses sometimes. Just because it doesn’we think about an outcome is irrelevant. So jump in, btions we all seem to share.

The physical beckons but the spiritual demands to be feel is not only important but it is the real life. The oute

Being slapped with a wet fish is not always a bad thinyour life. Sometimes these characteristics keep the ribeautiful world. Your inherent value is the same as eve

To live under the water is a metaphor of living within ybe washed away. Sometimes you can just ride that wlong night that follows the flood. Wait for dawn and yo

Airies

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagitarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

You’re A

. Everyone does that stuff sometimes. The important thing is to realise we all contain a duali-next thing you know, you are doing things you thought you had nailed long ago – Don’t worryual cycles - stop judging them so harshly, you are a human.twang all the time. Stop and think about what you are saying, especially in your shares. Theymost important person, so you can speak and they can listen, so think wisely about who is inis fine but mindfulness is fine to.

allow goings on of the material world. Your soul is screaming out to be recognised for its jour-he endles unsatifying chase for money and follow your passionate dreams. Move to paradise,go on!ryone wants the gift of sensitive insight and community building. Are you doing your fair share.e been given these wonderful gifts. Don’t waste yout time on this planet, or you may have to

more like how you feel at the moment. Confused by your own behaviour and not convinved byourageous ability to persevere will see you through the hardest of times. You are a warrior you

ogram you might pick up just to breathe. Everything does not have to be timetabled, flush topants on the floor, don’t worry aboutt where your wallet is today – there’s no money in it any-

mmit is driving us all crazy. If we make the decision for you, you think that you won’t have tode – you have to lie in it, whether you made the decision or not. It’s okay to hand over, but toby others today.A soft answer turns away wrath. Reconciliation is the name of the game and you need to makey mean it. Sincerity is the key to success – once you can fake that you’ve got it made. I mean

t make any sense, doesn’t mean it isn’t Gods will. Gods ways are mysterious and often whatboots and all. Take the time to stop however and be honest with yourself about the contradic-

seen. The inner life for you capricornians has to dominate over the next little while. How your life will look after itself if you look after your feelings. So go on – Feel!!! – NOW!!! – HURRY!.

ng. At the moment you are worried about a few particular defects that seem to return to ruinight people attracted and the wrong people away. Life is fucked up sometimes but it’s still aeryone else.

your emotions. From time to time a tsunami will appear but does not necessaily mean you willwave all the way to the hill tops. All gifts come wrapped in darkness so don’t worry about theour direction will be clear.

All Stars

I have an issue which I think is impor-tant to the future of NA and I wouldlike people to discuss. Perhaps it isnot as important in the medium termas it may be for the next generation.

With all organizations it is vital to planfor the future, to employ forethoughtand envisage potential problems. It isequally vital to keep inventory andrectify things when we have made amistake. I believe we may havemade a mistake in some of our litera-ture and it is causing a conceptualshift within the fellowship. I think thisis being addressed informally orcoped with at present, but may growand become detrimental in the future.

The problem I am referring to is hav-ing a contradiction in our literaturewhich leads to an inelegant theoreti-cal base. For example, the basic textstates that, “we know well the twothings that make up our disease,obsession and compulsion to usedrugs etc...” It goes on to say that”through abstinence, our disease canbe arrested and recovery is then pos-sible”. In the new Steps WorkingGuide (SWG) however, it asks thequestion “how is your disease oper-ating today?”, as well as numerousother examples that imply we arealways acting in our disease some-

how. Has the disease been arrestedor is it still operating?I believe this is a clear and simplecontradiction, not just in theory butmostly for the newcomers perceptionof what it means to have the diseaseand how to work the steps. I think itleads people to believe that all man-ner of normal human behaviour isnow within the confines of the dis-ease.

Perhaps it doesn’t seem very impor-tant but I believe these different theo-retical approaches lead the newcom-er to different understandings ofthemselves within the program andvery different focuses regarding self.The basic text states that “self obses-sion is the core of the disease” and Iwas always told that the antidote toour self obsession was that “we keepwhat we have by giving it away”. Wepay it forward so to speak, that byhelping others, by passing it on, westay clean.

I think the SWG adds a couple ofunnecessary burdens onto the new-comer which may not pay significantdividends. Firstly the focus on selfduring the working of that guidebecomes extraordinary.Subsequently, because there is anegative experience from doing this,

8

a serious resistance to the processarises, which in turn has a shamingeffect when “step work” is not done.How many times in the last few yearshave I heard newcomers severelyadmonishing themselves for notdoing the steps, and saying they hateworking them because they are soboring, when in my opinion they areworking the steps by not using, beingat a meeting, shar-ing with a sponsorand others, etc.Since the SWGhas been pub-lished my experi-ence of workingwith sponsees hasq u a l i t a t i v e l ychanged, particu-larly the expecta-tions they have ofthemselves andwhat it means towork the program.They can turn upwith reams ofpaper filled withdetailed analyticalnotes, chroniclesof self. I know whatmy sponsor wouldhave said. “What have you done forsomeone else lately”.

I think the assumptive base of theSWG has created a religious moralparadigm where all behaviour is sub-ject to the label of disease ratherthan the original bio-medical

assumption that the disease is madeof physical compulsion and mentalobsession to use drugs. The rest ofour behaviour is then seen as anopportunity to live life on its ownterms, defects and all. Are theydefects of character or are they thedisease operating?

It may well be that people are of thec o n s e n s u sthat the dis-ease doese n c o m p a s sour whole lifeand all ourb e h a v i o u r s ,that all distrac-tions are dis-tance fromGod, but if thisis the case,then we shouldbe explicitabout it in ourliterature, andwe shouldrefrain fromsaying we area spiritual notreligious pro-gram, because

I believe that is the very definition ofreligious in that sense.

On a practical level, I don’t think weshould have contradictory approach-es as part of the same theoreticalbase within our literature. It repre-sents a fundamental flaw in our theo-

9

retical underpinnings making usseem inelegant and unprofessional.Also I think it has created an oldschool new school division whichoften leads to miscommunication. Ido not know many old timers who likethis book unless they are using itpiece meal. Many of the people Ihave asked defintiely think it is eithernot the most effective way of workingthe steps, or “not for everyone“, orjust simply “a sponsors nightmare“. Itencourages people into writing end-less notes about themselves, expect-ing sponsors to sit there and listen toit. It is highly repetitive, making manysteps into what seem like step 4s. Iread that the “recovery was an ongo-ing process of surrender awarenessand growth”, an active change in ourattitudes and our actions. I think new-comers should be told that workingthe steps is about making actualchanges in their character, changingwhat we say and what we do, not justanswering the questions in the greenand gold book. “Formal” step work isa new conceptual phenomenondefined by sitting and writing.

I think at present we are dealing withthis problem informally. Sponsors telltheir sponsees that this book is “justan option”, or “not for everyone” or “abloody nightmare” or in some casesmuch worse. I have heard many peo-ple share and insist that answeringthe questions in this book is not “theworking of the step”. My point is this.As time goes by, the informal mes-

sage is being diluted by the assump-tive message of the literature. Thesequestions are present and availableand therefore they must need to beworked, therefore they are the work-ing of the step. I have had a fewsponsees tell me I am doing it wrong,looking at me suspiciously when Isay I haven’t worked through thewhole guide myself from start to fin-ish. “So what you’re telling me is thatyou haven’t worked the steps?” theysay. Well if that were true, no oneprior to 1998 ever worked the stepsbecause that book didn’t exist. Whatwere all those members for the lastforty something years doing then?

My motion for discussion is whetherto undertake a qualitative researchproject investigating certain ques-tions regarding people’s use of theSWG. To find out whether people areexpending effort to overcome it, orusing it as an effective tool. If itturned out to be the former, I wouldhope we were big enough to recall allstep working guides, or amend thebasic text to include a larger theoret-ical base to NA, though to my mindthat would make us religious. I thinkit is an important for the long termfuture of NA.

Tim B.

10

Let me introduce you to the Beenleighgroup in Queensland. Beenleigh is asmall town located at the very northerntip of the Gold Coast and a half an houror so's drive from Brisbane. We are asmall and diverse group that has ourmeetings in an old local neighbour-hood centre. We are one group thathas three meetings a week (Monday;Wednesday and Friday nights). Agroup conscience is held monthly - onthe Friday night before our Area meet-ing and the Monday night after, whichallows for our GSR to communicatebetween our small group and the area.

Our members consist of a "youngwoman and her husband, who manageto juggle the responsibilities of homewith 3 small children; work; service andmaintaining their recovery, while offer-ing support and love with generoushearts, "two idigenous brothers whosespirituality continues to touch ourhearts, "a New Zealand expatriate,who moved into the Logan area nearlya year ago with is wife and child, "a sin-gle mum, with two small boys, who hasreturned to NA after a 17 year relapse,"a committed gay woman who strug-gled and struggled and blossomed inrecovery as her life turned around, "ayoung single man who is a relativenewcomer and not sure at all what itsall about but keeps coming back, "a bigsweet Maori guy who came from get-ting to know NA in jail and doesn't everwant to go back there, "an older mem-

ber who is a grandmother and beeninvolved in NA for many years

WE make up our home group.

As well as usual business such asdonations to our area we have tackledall sorts of issues in our group con-sciences relating to: > Members children being noisy or dis-ruptive at meetings> Someone sniffing petrol and outsideand wanting to share> Jail boys just being sent by the drugcourts and not really wanting to bethere> Someone who seems to be dealingat meetings> AA members attending our meetingsand identifying only as alcoholics> Can we have 10 -15 minutes of med-itation before our Monday night spiritu-ality meeting and how will we handlethis so as to not put off newcomers?

Our opinions on these issues are asdiverse as our group members and inbetween meetings we communicatewith each other and often things aretouched on that eventually end upbeing discussed as a group. We try towork on consensus and so far it seemsto be working okay.

Recently we had a BBQ together tocelebrate the anniversary of our group(although none of us are really surehow long it has been going and I was a

11

celebrate the anniversary of our group(although none of us are really surehow long it has been going and I was afounding member). Our day of celebra-tion started out with clear blue skiesand developed into a warm, sunny day.The BBQ had a mexican/hawaiintheme and we all met at one of themembers houses and enjoyed a fineday of food, fun and fellowship. Thechildren swam and romped in the pool- after all it is October in Queensland!The women had leys around theirnecks or hibiscus flowers in their hairand the guys were in Mexican hats;flowery shirts or board shorts and wesat around eating and drinking straightfruit punch and enjoying each other'scompany.

Whenever I travel and go to conven-tions; service meetings or workshopsin other areas I am always look forwardto get back to my home group andwhen I think of the members I feelwarm and fuzzy and happy to behome…

Kris A

I find it hard to get to my new homegroup every week. I only seem to be atevery second one lately. Commitmentsoutside NA and trouble finding time forsocializing make me skip my Tuesdaynight meeting. It's an issue becausestaunch attendance to my home group

kept me clean for four years. So nownear five years in recovery I am lookingat this important part of my recovery.

I got a home group almost five yearsago with the same attitude as I goteverything else in recovery; no ideawhich to choose, worried that I'd makea mistake and I just picked one to seehow it went. I did that, my choice sur-prised me, the Thursday night men'sgroup, I got a service position, tea andcoffee for a year, got a sponsor fromanother group, and after a year he saidI should sponsor someone and I got asponsee Nat, and we built a relation-ship while he was at rehab . He joinedmy home group. I picked him up onThursday nights from the rehab. Iwould pick him up alone so we couldhave private NA chats away from hisrehab mates. We went in my shitbox toa café near the meeting and Natshared his story and about his chal-lenges at the treatment centre. He wasdoing steps at the rehab so we justshared our recoveries and built a last-ing friendship. Thursday nights werethe focus of our week. Nat has beenclean almost four years now.

I got the position of secretary at thistime. This was because a membershared that being secretary in earlyrecovery was a good foundation.Opening up, setting the room, introduc-ing the chair and closing the meetinghelped me get to know people in NA. Iwas a part of the recovery of a wholewave of addicts from the rehab. Theyjoined Thursday night men's meetingand were mates with Nat. Most of

12

They joined Thursday night men'smeeting and were mates with Nat.Most of these guys have becomefriends and are doing recovery today.All these things were gifts that Ireceived by doing service and I stayedclean. Because an older cleaner mem-ber said attendance at his home groupwas non-negotiable I missed myThursday night home group abouttwice in three years.

I've got a new home group on Tuesdaynight now. This is the second time Ihave left Thursday night. Thursday is areally casual meeting. It rarely starts ontime, there's no tea and coffee, guysfart and there's a blokey vibe. Thegroup conscience is a bit "how's itgoing." In short, that meeting is me. Ididn't take any shit at that meetingabout it being rough (I was secretaryfor more than two years on and off) butI felt partly responsible for that meet-ings easy going character. There's astrong message and it's exactly whatsome guys need, but I realized that itwas a comfort zone for me so went fora meeting that had a stronger servicestructure. Since I made that change mylife has become so busy, with work andstudy etc, I am not able or willing tocommit to my home group like I did inmy early years.

A strong foundation and faith in thebenefits of being a solid home groupmember is still in me. When I cannotattend I let one of my group know.

Mic S

I would like to say a couple of thingsabout a subject that I think at the veryleast saved me from picking up butalso saved my life

I am a typical stubborn style addict thatcan not ask for help to save his ownlife, I choke when the words "can youhelp me?" enter my mind.

I was fortunate enough to be in thesame home group for about 3 years, inthe first year, My sponsor who was alsoin the group asked me to keep theother group members in touch withsocial movements (like coffee or din-ner) which we did once a week. I wastold because I was not working it wouldbe easier for me to find the time.

A year and a half later I found outanother unexpected reason that couldhave saved my life. It was at this timethat my closest family member died ina sudden 8 hour ordeal. It was oververy fast. She was very young and myclosest friend.

This was the single most terrible thingthat has happened in my life, ever inmemory, including recovery, and thatincludes the death of a partner andclose friends and other family mem-bers

To keep the story short, I had beenrecovering in one state and had to goback to my home state to be with therest of the family for the funeral.

13

back to my home state to be with therest of the family for the funeral.

Nobody knew me as non user, mostpeople still dived for their wallets andcar keys when they saw me. I was sodistressed that even my mother (whobegged me to stop using at one stagein my using), offered me beer at thefuneral.

The whole month I was there, a differ-ent member including my sponsor tookit in turn to call me once a day or everysecond day.

My usual addict mind would be suspi-cious at this sort of behavior, but part ofmy spiritual awakening was the love Iwas given that group, and my willing-ness to accept their help at that stage.

You see, any body could have organ-ized those meals I was organizing theyear prior, but each time I called agroup member to organize a meal, Iwas getting familiar with that voice onthe end of the phone. When the rubberhit the road, my own mother wanted tomedicate my pain. There was a groupof people helping me to stay clean. Idid not have to ask for that help, as Ihave already told you I choke when Ithink of the words help me!

I had constant contact with God all thattime but I think he spoke to me a lotthrough the voices that came from myhome group that month. Those conver-sations kept my head together.

I will always remember that kindness I

received. I have never experienced itbefore and nor had my parents, whohave been good "churchie" people allmy life.

I can't promote the home groupenough!

Please consider…Michael H

Working the programhas set me free

from the fear that had frozeninside of me

From the shame and the guiltthat had crippled me

from the brink of despairfrom insanity

Its a passion for livingthis NA way

As long as I keep itin the day

just by turning my will and lifeover to him

and allowing the love of the fellowshipin.

As I write on these beautiful wonderfulsteps

and I learn of my assets and mydefects,

I continue admitting my powerless-ness and gain self estemm through

abstinence

14

I can say how I feel now with honestybecause by honouring you

I am honouring meWith the tools of this program

and a loving HPI can touch the fine silk of serenity

Sonia D 14 July 2005

Nobody calls me a junkie anymore,It wasn't always that way of course,For hard at work inside my head,

Was a formidable force…

It sought for things outside of me,For what I couldn't give myself,For acceptance, hope, integrity,

For happiness and wealth.

I have battled many demons,Suffered many crushing blows,Until it consumed my dreaming,

And I had nowhere to go.

It all started out as social,Cutting class and smoking cones,

But it's ends were almost fatal,Nothing left but skin and bones.

I always said that I was different,The rules don't apply to me,

This consumed me in resentment,Drowning in a violent sea.

It tore everything away from me,Nothing left but pain inside,

Consumed my world with misery,

Then simply cast my corpse aside.

I was left a beaten broken man,Nothing but an empty shell,

Tried to end it all with my own hand,Life was just a living hell.

Then a person came into my life,To me his hand he did extend,

Said you can end this right here withyour knife,

Or together we can mend.

See I was once where you are now,Where I no longer wished to live,Take my hand I'll show you how,

So that you in turn can give.

With tooth and nail we made a stand,To recover what we'd lost,

The sword of friendship in our hands,We'd survive at any cost.

We battle with our daemons,And united we'll prevail,

Hope has filled our dreaming,Wind has filled our sails.

Where i once was filled with sorrow,Suicide my waking thought,Now i'm living for tomorrow,

The world's beauty i now sought.

So now here i stand beside you,No more a shadow of a man,

In the hope that i can show you,What we're holding in our hands.

David Franco

15

The NAKL StoryNARCOTICS ANONYMOUS KualaLumpur [NAKL] began informally in1987 when a small handful of recover-ing addicts, who used to attend AAmeetings and also conduct informal NAmeetings at residential locations here,decided to form an 'official' NA group.

These pioneers managed to rent a reg-ular meeting room and began conduct-ing meetings every Wednesday andFriday - the schedule and locationremains the same till today.

The Raja Chulan Group as it wasknown then, registered itself with theWSO in 1994. Their commitment, unityand enthusiasm in carrying the mes-sage saw its membership growingsteadily, with regular visits conductedto Hospitals and Institutions in andaround Kuala Lumpur.

During the next three years, two othergroups sprouted up in the Chow Kitdistrict of Kuala Lumpur. The threegroups then formed an Area ServiceCommittee.

In 1995, NAKL Area successfully host-ed the 3rd APF meeting. Although thetwo Chow Kit groups initially experi-enced steady growth in membership,

it could not be sustained, and by theend of 1999, the two groups no longer

existed. The new millennium saw theoriginal Raja Chulan group alive andactive with the meeting room regularlypacked with members. Some of themembers from the defunct Chow Kitgroups made Raja Chulan their homegroup. However, during the next twoyears, membership began to slowlydwindle, and by 2002, the group onlyconsisted of, as in the early days,another small handful of dedicatedmembers who nonetheless kept theflame alive. Through their united effortsin carrying the message and encourag-ing members to 'keep coming back',membership once again began toslowly rise once again. Residents froma few treatment facilities also began toattend and the group had newcomersjoining in almost every week, right upto this day.

By the end of 2003, the Chulan meet-ing rooms were once again packed. In2004, a H&I/PI sub-committee wasformed. Since its formation, it has con-ducted various PI and H&I presenta-tions to doctors, rehab personnel andresidents of treatment facilities in KualaLumpur, Johor and Kuantan. It also organised a workshop/learningday for NA members with the collabo-ration of members from NA SouthAustralia.

In mid-2004, the Chow Kit group wasre-established and began to hold its

16

regular Monday night Bahasa Melayumeetings. Around the same time, thefirst NA group outside Kuala Lumpurwas initiated in Johor Baharu [JB],Johor state, the southernmost tip ofPeninsula Malaysia. NA Chow Kit andNAJB became autonomous groups thefollowing year. In late 2004, anothernew group started in Kuantan, Pahang,on the east coast of PeninsulaMalaysia. In February 2005, the NAKLArea Service Committee was re-estab-lished, comprising of four groups:Chulan [NACh], Chow Kit [NACK],Johor Bahru [NAJB] and Kuantan[NAKt].

Recently, another group began inPenang, an island off the north-westcoast of Peninsula Malaysia, bringingthe current total of groups in the NAKLArea to five, conducting seven weeklymeetings in all. Today, it is mostencouraging to note that more mem-bers - relative newcomers and long-time members alike - are showingunity, commitment and willingness,involving themselves in service workand NA-related activities. It is hopedthat these members shall be the futuretrusted servants of NA in Malaysia.

It is our shared vision that in the nearfuture, there will be at least one meet-ing every day of the week in KualaLumpur. Our long-term vision is thatthere would be at least one NA group ineach of the 13 states of Malaysia. It is hoped, through our H&I/ PI effortsand each member's commitment tocarrying the message, that one day,every addict in Malaysia will come to

know about NA - that NA works andthat there is an NA meeting nearby.We believe that with the help of our lov-ing Higher Power, this vision will, oneday at a time, become a reality.

The members of NA in Malaysia alsoshare a common belief that our com-mon welfare: the growth of the fellow-ship, like personal recovery, dependson NA unity.

17

The purpose of Regional Outreach is:

a) To foster the growth of new groupsin places that have restricted access tothe existing NA service structure.

b) To provide support for individualmembers in isolated places until theformation of a group is practical. Thisis done in co-operation with otherappropriate branches of the servicestructure.

c) To encourage the creation andgrowth of Area service committees innewly established areas.

d) To provide support to Area Outreachactivities

e) To provide support for individual iso-lated members.

To fulfill its primary purpose, theRegional Outreach committee needspeople who are willing to do the foot-work. "Many hands make light work"and its such an important part of carry-ing the message of NA that we are ask-ing anybody willing to get on board andgive a hand. There are different proj-ects you can get involved in, if onetakes your interest more than another.As it has been a while since Outreachwas functional, we are in the processof starting over again. When you reg-ister it might be some time before you

are called to follow through with yourcommitment. That call will come andyour contribution is appreciated. Oncewe have the list of willing members, wewill then be busy creating opportunitiesto carry the message to the isolatedaddict and groups. There are contactdetails at the bottom of this page,please feel free to ask any questions orgive feedback or ideas. Together, wecan.

LONERS

Loners are addicts in isolation. It isone of the purposes of Outreach tosupport isolated addicts. Isolation isn'tjust about geography, it might be fromculture, due to the addict being in ahospital or institution not serviced byH&I, a bad experience with NA, or theycould simply work mostly away frommainstream NA meetings. Recovering in isolation can be toughand the Regional Outreach committeewould like to offer their support to theLoners of Australia. If you are an iso-lated addict and would like to registerfor Loners support please visit thewebsite www.na.org.au and follow thelinks to the Outreach Page where youwill find a registration form for Loners.

18

REGIONAL OUTREACHCOMMITTEE

There are a growing number of addictswho are recovering or getting clean inisolation. This could be for a number ofreasons such as; geographical, cultur-al, social and other reasons. TheRegional Outreach Committee (andArea Outreach Committees) isdesigned to support these people.These are our current projects to assistthe isolated addicts throughoutAustralia.

LONERS "BUDDY" SYSTEM"Pen Pal" type system, linking isolatedaddicts to other recovering addicts.

OUTREACH TO OTHER CULTURESAND INDIGENOUS ADDICTSIncludes the possibility of creating newliterature for other cultures and Indigenous addicts.

MEETINGS BY REQUESTSupporting isolated groups and individ-uals by traveling addicts contactingthose on the Meetings by Request list.

MAIL OUT LISTA mail out that happens after eachRSC containing the recent copy of theNA Today Magazine, flyers for upcom-ing events and Regional meetings lists.

It is the aim of the Regional OutreachCommittee to develop more ways ofassisting isolated addicts in the nearfuture.

WANT TO OFFER YOUR SUPPORT?

Join the Regional Outreach CommitteeIt's easy! All you need to do is go to theAustralian NA website www.na.org.auand follow the links to the Outreachpage where you will find a registrationform for the Outreach Committee.Your help is needed and appreciated.

REGIONAL OUTREACH CONTACTDETAILS

CHAIRBelinda D

EMAILrsc_outreach_chair@yahoo.com.au

POSTPo Box 1320 Rosny Park, Tas, 7018

PHONE(03) 62931160

19

20

I will be four years clean tomor-row and a couple weeks ago Iwas sure I wasn’t going to makeit. For the first time in my recov-ery, I had to deal with intenseemotional pain. I started tobelieve I was going to have touse to make it go away.

I have been known to share thatI never had a honeymoon periodin my recovery. That I alwaysknew that it was going to behard and painful getting clean,dong life on life’s terms. Now Isee that my whole recovery upuntil two months ago was onelong honeymoon and I had noidea how pain the human heartis capable of feeling.

Besides being naturally a bit dis-connected or something, I havealways able to anaesthstisemyself when I’ve gone throughany kind of change or pain in mylife – until now. I hadn’t actuallyrealized how much I haddepended on drugs to get methru life’s yucky bits.

So there I was cruising throughrecovery, having a fine old time.I was content. I had a few closefriends, a great family, a nicecaring partner, a job I don’t hatetoo much, nice place to live, notenough money but that’s nor-mal…and suddenly my lifespontaneously turned to shit.

In the space of a few weeks mysupport network moved inter-state, my family was decimatedby death and injury, my work-place became a reminder of thatloss and my nice caring partnerturned out to be a cheatingimmature prick. And to top it alloff, I couldn’t put my feeling backin their box anymore.

Never in my life have I felt sobad. Pain in recovery is special.At least when you’re using youhave the option of a nice pinkdrug cloud between you andreality and when it gets too badyou just have more. Andalthough I know that the clouddoesn’t last forever and thatwhen it wears off you are left inthe same terrible mess, often

21

worse, I wanted it anyway, thatoblivion that belongs to theusing addict.

All the platitudes and clichésthat were meant to help onlymade me want to punch thepeople saying them, meetingsdrove me to distraction becauseno one could possibly under-stand how I was feeling. I justwanted it all to go away, to benumb again. And I kept waitingfor it to go away and it didn’t.Eventually I found myself with abottle in my hand trying todecide whether or not to drink itor tip it down the sink.

It sounds melodramatic in hind-sight, but we all know those arethe moments that count.Somehow at that moment I wasable to choose to be clean andstay in recovery and see if all theshit would really pass like every-one kept telling me.

It hasn’t passed yet and proba-bly won’t for a bit longer. I amstill having trouble letting go ofcertain things in my life. Therelationship break up has a lifeof its own and I cannot believethe lengths I have been willing to

go to and the pain I have putmyself through just trying to holdon in the face of incrediblebetrayal and hurt.

But I am slowly starting to valuemyself again, set boundaries toprotect my sanity and trying toremember that that change hap-pens all the time in life and wecan’t control it. We just deal withit the best we can, and likeeverything else, it will pass.Usually “in 2 to 3 years you’lllook back…” is mentioned thereas well but I try and ignore that,it’s too depressing.

I have done some of my “yets” inrecovery. I have got down on myknees and prayed, I have criedin front of my sponsor, I’ve med-itated, I wrote copiously till itstarted to make things worseand I have let myself babble onto people I don’t really know butwho care about me anyway.

I think the first time you experi-ence great pain in recovery it’slike being hit over the head witha brick from behind and there’snot really much you can do toprepare for it. The shock andimpact are just so overwhelming

22

after feeling nothing for so long.But this is where all the pasteffort of recovery pays off.

Sure you may go a bit crazy, dosome wild and whacky stuff andnot sleep for a coulpe of monthsbut I have also had moments ofgreat friendship, of connectingwith others and being part of thatI have never had before. Nowthat the box has been opened, Idon’t think I will ever be able tostuff my feeling back in the sameway.

It’s a bugger of a thing but it’sbeen worth it so far to not pickup, to share my life with othersand accept their support andfinally believe, two months downthe track, that I will live and (asmuch as I hate to say it becauseit drives me nuts) it will make mestronger for next time I get blind-sided by life at 6 o’clock sometuesday afternoon.

Caroline M Canberra

Recently, I saw a movie called‘What the bleep would youknow?’ It was a documentaryabout carved out neuro-nets(brain waves) from early traumaand the way the componentsattract to each other through thetriggering of the same feelingsover and over again. We callthem ‘the old tapes’ in meetingsand acting the same way andexpecting a different result. Inorder to change the course ofour lives beyond our internalmapping a concerted effortneeds to be applied.

To cut a long story short I wasabandoned by my father on andoff for my whole childhood.When he was around hetouched me like a sexual objectnot a significant human being.

In my relationships today nomatter who I manage to lure intothe ‘princess trap’ the need forme to play out the net is strongerthan anything else going oninside me. If my companionshows signs of abandoning me

23

or being repulsed by me the dieis cast and the net is in play. Notonce in my 36years in relation-ships with others have I man-aged to pry these neurons apart.

Just recently, against the soundadvice of the fellowship I beenseeing someone at 6 monthsclean. I say this like it’s a specialevent but that’s because it’s partof the charm of the neuro-net.It’s always original. It’s alwaysthe one and it’s always com-pletely unique to me and myspecial quest to turn the traumaof the past into a problem that Iwas clever enough to find thesolution to.

I started out being myself, bare-ly interested in fact. Over timecould clearly see that this wassomething he saw needed to beconquered while I sat back andenjoyed the show. After all, pea-cocks are quite beautiful. Thenjust like that, in a moment ofdoubt in my current intrigue(which had been playing itselfout quite unsuccessfully for 3months – unsuccessful becausehe was trying to have a real rela-tionship, not interesting, no net).One night I jumped ship. Just

like that. From navy to pirate in asingle leap and it was warm andgooey and home.

Now this second individual hadbeen casting his own net formonths at arms length and wasenjoying the control he felt hehad but had no idea what layahead, my net. We went on oneof those holidays where you getto play it out. I managed to con-trol my anxiety to return to abuseand abandonment for about 5days. I guess that’s your creditlevel at 6 months clean but asalways the temptation to gohome far outweighing anythingelse.

His dialogue went from “I wantyou to meet my mum” to “youscare me I think you’re toomuch” all in the space of a week.Perfect - fear, self-loathing andtotal abandonment. No hunterwants the prey to lie dead at thedoor. What’s the fun in that?

So here I sit, on a strict programdiet of a meeting a day. A spon-sor who is closely supervisingme and guiding me away fromthe old result, step work dailyand a muscular effort to discon-

24

nect the neurons. He’s resting inbed wondering why it doesn’tfeel like it did. My addiction toabandonment hasn’t quite wonthe battle yet. There is only onething that can counteract this.Love, God’s love, my love, yourlove. The question is am I willingto have that instead?

P.S. Read him the article laterand he wasn’t thinking that at all.A neuro-net in play.

Andrea W. Sydney

My home group is the Thursdaynight gratitude meeting. I waspart of the group consciencewhen it was decided to make themeeting a single topic meetingand that the topic should be“gratitude”. At the time I wasn’tsure if a single topic meetingwas such a good idea but aspart of the group I agreed that itwas worth a try. It has been over6 months that our meeting hasbeen on gratitude and it has notyet become boring for me and isdefinitely not stale.Our meeting is not one of thelargest in our area, but I havefound that I always enjoy attend-ing the meeting and I am proudto be a part of this group. Somany times I have heard peopleshare that the first time theyhave thought about gratitudeduring the week was on the wayto the Thursday night meeting. I

think that gratitude is such animportant factor in enjoying lifeand it is wonderful that whenpeople think about the Thursdaynight meeting,

25

they start to think about beinggrateful.Because it is a small meeting, Iam quite often asked to share. Ifind it amazing how the sametopic can mean something differ-ent to me each week. I am actu-ally very grateful to be a part ofthe group and to have the oppor-tunity to be reminded of my grat-itude each Thursday. Even if Iam not feeling terribly grateful atthe start of the meeting, I always leave the meeting withmore gratitude than I started.A recurring theme in our meetingis that gratitude is shownthrough action and that action iswhat we refer to in NA as “serv-ice”. In my experience, gratitudeand service work both ways.When I am grateful I want to doservice and when I do servicemy gratitude increases dramati-cally. From the first time I had aservice position, I began toreceive the rewards. I remem-ber when I became tea-personat my first home group I felt anoverwhelming sense of respon-sibility, because I was afraidthere might be a riot if the meet-ing ran out of coffee. However,once I came to terms with this

responsibility, I felt proud that Iwas able to do something tohelp other members. I wasexcited to be actively involved inthe service structure ofNarcotics Anonymous. The sup-port of my home group was alsoa reward in itself. I had some-where to go each week where Iwas glad to see other membersand they were glad to see meand somewhere where I wouldbe missed if I didn’t show up.Throughout my time in NA, Ihave had a variety of servicepositions at a range of levels,but I have always tried to be giv-ing something back to the fel-lowship. Being a member of theThursday night gratitude meet-ing not only makes me feel that Iam contributing to the fellow-ship, but it also gives me anopportunity to reflect on why I doservice and how grateful I am tobe a member of NarcoticsAnonymous.

Andrew H. South Coast

26

Hello to the NA Today crew and allreaders. My name is David and I ampresently incarcerated in aQueensland correctional facility. I havebeen incarcerated (this time) for 2½years, yet I have served in total nearlyfive years of a nine year accumulativesentence for trafficking heroin. Thedetails of my sentence are quite com-plicated so I will not try to explain. Thepoint of the letter is not to discuss mysentence but how the NA program haskept me clean – this time around! I amnow three years six months clean dueto the opportunity I had of returning tothe fold of NA whilst on bail for a yearbefore my sentence date.

When I was granted bail after a year onremand, I happened to journey toByron Bay where I had completed arehab program a few years before, andhappened to meet a friend and mem-ber of NA who told me that a conven-tion was happening that very weekend.I had not picked up heroin upon myrelease as I knew exactly where thatwould lead, yet I was having a fewdrinks (and a puff!) thinking that I wasdoing okay (but feeling that I wasn’t). Ihappened along to the NA conventionon the Friday night and met up withmany of my peers that I was in rehabwith and members of the Byron fellow-ship all looking really quite radiant. Thenext day was my 40th birthday and Iattended meetings all day and the

dance that night – yet even so the nextmorning I had one small joint left and Ithought ‘I can throw this away orsmoke it’ – of course I smoked it! Thenext day I traveled back to Brisbaneand attended a meeting where I identi-fied as one day clean and it was t thatmoment when the miracle happened –I have stayed clean since that day.

I returned to Byron Bay and over thefollowing year I attended meetingsnearly on a daily basis, moved in withfriends from the fellowship, got a spon-sor and started to do step work,involved myself with the coming con-vention committee and even did anH&I visit to a detox centre – and I lovedevery moment of it – I was getting alife!

Unfortunately, when my court casefinally came up one month after my41st and 1st birthdays, I was then toface the consequences of my pastbehaviour whilst an active addict.Although what I can say now is, armedwith my clean time, the support of thefellowship, in particular the love andsupport of my sponsor, I was able toaccept the resulting sentence, knowingthat I had changed as a person andcould now face life on life’s terms –which is exactly what I have done forthe past 2½ years. I feel that theacceptance, tolerance and patiencethat I have developed is due to the factthat I am clean and have the program

27

of NA in my life everyday.

In the centre where I am currently‘housed’, we have an NA meetingevery Saturday night for about an hour,with H&I visitors from the local fellow-ship visiting 2 to 3 times a month. Aspart of my ‘service’, I have facilitatedthe meetings in the manner of ‘outside’meetings for the past 18 months, andendeavour to ‘carry the message’ tothe best of my ability – sometimes I feellike saying the “no thanks, I’ll just listentonight” deal, but I find that I am com-pelled to share something (and usuallyrattle on for quite a while anyway)!Ihave also completed step two andthree while I have been here and Ispeak to my sponsor nearly everyweekend. I am also doing external uni-versity studies whilst here, in prepara-tion for my eventual release (hopefullyat the end of this year?) and to compli-ment my new way of life.

I am extremely grateful that I found myway to NA before this current term ofincarceration, for it has undoubtedlygiven me both the courage and theserenity to face each day as it comes inhere, with a knowing that this will even-tually all pass and that my life will bereturned to me in the form of lovingfamily, friends and fellowship.

David D Borallon Correctional Centre QLD.

SOUTH AUSTRALIAAREA CONVENTION

2006FEB 10,11,12.

The South Australia AreaService Committee wishes to

advise the Australian Fellowshipthat our next Area Conventionwill be held from Friday 10thFebruary 2006 until Sunday

12th February 2006.

The venue will be the same asthe Regional Convention held in

October 2004, the FullartonCommunity Centre, Fullarton

Road, Fullarton.

All welcome. More news laterwhen more will be revealed!

NSW Far North Coast AreaCONVENTION

Byron Bay2006

FEB 10,11,12.

The NSW Far North Coast AreaService Committee also wishes

to advise the AustralianFellowship that our next Area

Convention will be held the longweekend following Australia

Day, 27, 28, 29 January 2006.

The venue will be the same asprevious years, The A & I Hall

in Bangalow, just west of ByronBay.

There will be posters and flyerscirculating shortly.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don’tdespair. There are people in this world forwhom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have had a bad day at work,think of the person who has been out of

work for years.

Should you despair over a relationshipgone bad, think of the person who has

never known what it is like to love and beloved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of anotherweekend, think of the woman in dire straits

who is working 12 hours a day, 7 days aweek to feed her children.

Should your car break down leaving youmiles from assistance, think of the para-plegic who would love the opportunity to

take that walk.

Should you notice a new grey hair in themirror think of the cancer patient on

chemotherapy who wishes she had hair toexamine.

Should you find yourself at a loss andpondering what life is all about, asking

what is my purpose? Be thankful. Thereare those who did not live long enough to

get that opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of otherpeople’s bitterness, ignorance smallness

or insecurities remember - things could beworse. You could be them

This page could have containedyour story, article, cartoon,

thoughts etc. Be controversial,be boring, be anything you like,but make your contribution to

The NA Today – Australia’s cut-ting edge opportunity for NAthinking – Please Turn to theback page for more specific

information

Rivetting stories of how NA changed your life. Send your positive messages of recovery to —— timb8@hotmail.