Win the Toss, Bat First. The (un)Official Wimbledon CC Newsletter

Perth, Western Australia, 6023.

Send sunscreen...God it’s hot.

Regards,

The Editors.

MontyMozza AKA Warren

Davo

A warm welcome back to all of those loyal, good looking and currently frost bitten readers of the official Wimbledon CC newsletter. We are proud to announce that we are back for another season! Bigger, better and more crude than ever before. In order to heat up the journalistic juices, the editor/s of the Win The Toss, Bat First have decided to spend the off-season in warmer climates. Where it doesn’t rain, does not snow, and is always hot, except Melbourne.... Where it rains constantly and has a mixture of sunny and cloudy spells, followed by rainy spells (unlucky Morris!)

Thankfully this move to the Far East has produced fabulous opportunities for the editors to make up some very true stories. Some people class these stories as rumours, some refer to them as myths. We however aptly refer to them as made up truths. Along with the cold hard facts of the WCC, there are sure to be pictures of people that other people will laugh at.

The likeliness of you laughing before, during and after reading this piece of literary gold is about as high as Ricky Ponting playing away from his body and knicking a ball to slip...followed by Clarke playing away from his body and knicking a ball to slip...followed by Brad Haddin swinging hard...and then playing away from his body and knicking a ball to slip...Fair chance you’ll laugh.

Any complaints made by people taking this publication too seriously can be sent to our new foreign address:

The Blue TowelJust right of the Groin at Cottesloe Beach,PerthWestern Australia, 6023

Send sunscreen…God it’s hot

Regards

The Editors

In a recent email Johnno Gordon advertised that WCC players could benefit enormously by purchasing the full range of Woodstock cricket equipment in one hit. JG went as far as to itemize the cost of each set of equipment and concluded that at £225 it was a real bargain.

Unfortunately for JG, Steven Hobson AKA The Analyst worked out that if you purchased each individual piece of equipment separately, it would in fact cost £215 in total.

When brought to the attention of JG, he replied thanking Hobbo for highlighting the error and advised to potential punters that the new improved price for buying all the kit together was in fact £215, quite an incentive (NOT!)

Hobbo keen to help improve JG business acumen suggested that surely in order for there to be an incentive buying the kit all together, the overall cost needed to be less than the cost for buying the kit separately. JG had clearly missed the point of the lesson and one can only hope that he has invested in a calculator or at the very least and abacus! Well done Homer…(Doh!)

Homer Simpson moment of the month – featuring Johnno Gordon for a change!

Social dates for the diary!!!

Friday 22nd April – (Bank Holiday) First ever Golf Day, which will be followed by our pre-season party

Saturday 7th May - Champagne reception for WAGS and sponsors

Sunday 5th June - 6 aside inter club cricket day

Saturday 18th June - Race Night & first POMS event.

Saturday 2nd July - Club BBQ at LSE grounds and 2nd POMS event

Saturday 23rd July - Event to be confirmed.

Saturday 27th August - Third POMS event.

Saturday 30th September – Last POMS awards and end of season dinner – Members only (NO WAGS)

Please make every effort to attend the social events, as a lot of effort will be going into making these events as much fun as possible.

Closer to the time and with each newsletter we will put more detail in about what the events will involve.

This year each team will help co-ordinate and run an event so please make every effort to support each other throughout the season.

Mug shots of all players required urgentlyPlease email a good photograph of yourself to Sean

Davies before the 10th April. Failure to do so will result in you being fined in more ways than one way. Please remember to include your name on the email, as he does not know everyone!

Email: sean.davies60@ntlworld.com

Olly Key – The life story

Oliver Virender Key has lived a rather eventful life for someone so young.  Born in New Zealand on 11th July 1983, Oliver (affectionately known as Olly) was a lovechild of the famed inventor Dr Emmett Brown.  Brown fled the scene before Olly was born so his caring mother – Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty, raised him single-handedly.  His mother’s celebrity lifestyle meant Olly spent much of his youth travelling, from New Zealand to Perth and now to London.  However, Mumbai will always be where his heart is.  Ask Olly to name which country he supports when the cricket is on and India will be his answer.  For Olly, the Black Caps mean nothing to him.

Recently though, Olly experienced an emotional reunion with his father and provided much stability to his life.  Olly and his father became fascinated by the notion of time travel.  Inspired by his father’s Delorean car, Olly invented a device called a “flux capacitor” which, when generated by 1.21 gigawatts of power enabled the vehicle’s time displacement.  These were precocious times for Olly, however disaster struck one day when Olly couldn’t get the Delorean up to the 88 mph it needed to travel time.  His father was disgusted with him to the extent that he never wanted to see Olly ever again.

 

Olly was heartbroken.  His father’s disowning had cut him to the core and he felt a lost soul.  Olly began to drink heavily and spent days on end wandering the streets of London in an alcoholic haze.  Then, one day in November last year, disaster struck when Olly felt life couldn’t get any worse.  During one of his afternoon drunken strolls Olly got swept up in some tomfoolery with a bunch of guys his age.  Before he knew it, Olly was on top of a building in Millbank launching fire extinguishers at the pigs beneath.  When sober the next day, Olly realised the enormity of his actions and handed himself into the coppers.  Unfortunately for WCC, Olly will not be joining us for any net sessions for the next two years, but once he’s been released from the nick we shall welcome him back with open arms.  We love you Olly.

 

Olly: Doesn’t need roads when travelling

Dr Emmett Brown: Key’s father

Pierre Luigi Collina Andrew Lewin

Lookalikes 2011

Just a reminder you that winter nets get underway on Monday the 7th February at 8pm.These nets will be open to all members who would like to come down.If you find that you are unable to make Monday nets you can come along to nets on a Friday evening, which also start at 8pm in the evening.RULES

Please wear colored clothing and no pink or white tops.

On Fridays the nets must be packed away once you are finished.

You will need to write down your name so that we can keep a register of who has been attending nets.

NEW PLAYERS

New players will be assessed by Sean and will be given an indication of which team they are likely to play in. Should you choose to join the club you will then need to pay a £50 deposit, which will be deducted from your subs.

Winter nets reminder

2011 overseas playerWe are pleased to report that our overseas player for 2011 is a New Zealander by the name of Marty Kain.Marty has just broken into the Canterbury team in NZ in both List A limited overs and first class cricket.He is 22 years of age and is a left arm spinner and top order left handed batsman.He has played in the UK before and comes highly recommended.We will bring you more info on him once we get it.

Fitness trainingThe fitness training sessions will get underway on Monday the 31st January at 7pm.There are still more spaces available to anyone who would like to join in.Sheldon has advised that the first eight weeks will involve indoor activity and will be designed to help get the body balanced and stronger before all the rigorous exercise starts.These sessions are ideal for anyone who may be carrying a niggle or two or who is concerned about potential injuries that may occur during the season. The cost of the 12-week program is £45, which is very reasonable.Please contact Sean if you would like to join in.sean.davies60@ntlworld.com Or phone him on 07766 082496.

An interview with

Mark CostinReporter: Costo, nice of you to give us some of your time. How has the winter been for you?

Costo: Hi dude, yeah good. Well, when I say “good” I actually mean up and down, but hey...What can be worse than my day at the Rose Bowl?

Reporter: Hiroshima perhaps! Not to worry mate, a new cricket season isn’t too far away! Fresh start! How is the pre season treating you?

Costo: Pre-season is going roughly to plan. Apart from the fact that my ankle is shot to pieces and my Facebook status' resemble an autobiography - everything else is going well. I'm also looking forward to a season without Banners spraying me. He really is the ultimate spanner head…there was never a chance to catch that ball at 3rd man!

Reporter: Ha-ha he claims you deserve all the banter you get.... Is this merited?

Costo: Banners is a cool dude, but the banter I get in my opinion is unjustified. I mean, with a bowling average of 23.36 and a batting average of 29.67 isn't that worthy of all-rounder status? Not to mention I am the only player who can play the sweep shot (including the reverse sweep) in the entire club (Gracey probably could). Oh yeah and do not forget my brilliant fielding.

Reporter: Looking forward to this season? Any goals or aspirations??

Costo: I think the first aspiration is to keep my bowling arm straight. Fairly straightforward for the average cricketer, but, as I have said before, I am far more than 'your average cricketer…’ In fact, I am a calypso cricketer! And not as deluded as Johnno Gordon about my ability!

In terms of goals, I would like Gareth Bale to score a few more before April rolls around. But dude in all seriousness, age is no barrier - THE WORLD IS MY OYSTER DUDE! (You can quote me on that dude). As long as my arm has a 14-degree and not 15 degree bend in it, surely I can push for Surrey Selection?

Unfortunately I have had to turn down the 4th XI captaincy in a bid to focus on my game, however I have heard that Turk will be missing a few games so I will offer to captain the ones in his absence, as I am a clubman!

Reporter: Well let’s hope Will ‘The pup’ Leith doesn’t get in your way! Anyway Costo, for all the banter you cop you really are a genuinely good bloke and we wish you all the best for the upcoming 2011 season at Wimbledon Cricket Club.

Costo: Thanks dude, I’ll say to Helen you said hello

Reporter: Please Do!