By: Sabrina Perales and Nicholas Ramirez

Today started out like any other morning. I throw on a uniform and boots; grabbed my gear and headed to work. It’s hot and I already feel my uniform becoming soaked in sweat. It stopped bothering me within the first week I was here 7 months ago. We always start our day with an intelligence briefing. Today we are told to be on the lookout for a white truck that is trying to penetrate the base and detonate a vehicle bomb on our base here in Iraq. We heard a similar briefing a week ago when we got word to be extra vigilant when we went on patrol because there was good chance of a roadside bomb.

I start to walk over to my convoy and feel the weight of my vest, helmet, my pistol inside my holster than is firmly wrapped around my thigh, and feel the weight of the machine gun I plan to attached to the turret on our HMMWV. This feels completely normal to me. I briefly think about my family back home but push them out of my mind; I can’t think about them right now. I can’t think of the fact that they are probably sitting around the dinner table right now enjoying their Thanksgiving dinner without me. I try not to think about them because I need my head to be here right now. Maybe I’ll Skype with them tomorrow during my day off if we have Internet.

We start our convoy off base and I hold my breath every time we pass by a white truck or any sort of pile on the side of the road. I’m with the same men I came here with who have become more like family to me than anything else. There is a certain trust with them I don’t have with friends back home. Our day continues with no action, a good thing downrange.

We eventually make it back on base, which should feel like a safe zone even though we all know it’s not. A mortar attack a few days ago shattered any hope of feeling safe when we were on an American installation. Although it seems like we are in a constant state of awareness and anxiety, complacency has set in.

Every day here is different; different missions, different briefings and different posts. Yet everyday remains largely the same and predictable.

It’s easy but stressful, but it’s also one more day closer to going home. I wish I knew when that was.

I can’t wait to get home. I don’t know it at the moment but once I get there, I will do anything I can to get back here again.

Once I arrived home I had trouble putting the past behind me and moving on. I was not accustomed to this newfound freedom I had, no longer living my day-to-day life being given orders. I felt lost without items such as my pistol around my leg or my rifle strapped to my chest. I would feel so light without the pounds of gear that was not on me anymore, almost like I would float away. One of the biggest things that took me awhile to get used to again was driving. I am no longer driving in hostile territory.

I do not have to get scared when I drive by a garbage bag on the side of the road in fear that there will be an IED in it. I no longer have to fear people I see on rooftops for they are not hostiles threatening my life or my squad mates’ lives. All this was a lot to take in at first, the sudden change. But eventually, I got used to it. It might have taken sometime but I did it, I got accustomed to the new way of life. My day-to-day life does not consist of me living in fear every step I take.

Although I am not fearful, I do have flashbacks and certain actions do trigger these flashbacks. I crashed a trailer while driving in Iraq, and now whenever I drive a trailer or see a trailer, I immediately think back to the day where I crashed one during my deployment. Sometimes even just driving will remind me of the times I was on patrol during my time in deployment. Sometimes while driving and passing another car I must remember that the people in the car next to me are not hostile. They are not a risk to my life. As time passes, these flashbacks become less and less nerve-racking, they are still prominent and put me back in a time where I was afraid not only for my life, but also for my team members’ lives.

But looking at the big picture and my deployment as a whole, it was not too bad at all. I have learned the value of the little things in life that I used to take for granted, such as celebrating holidays with my family and having a cell phone and a stable Internet connection. While times may have been tough in the past, it has molded me into a better person with a better outlook on life. I am more appreciative for what I have rather then complaining for what I don’t have. And if I had to do it all over again, I would. I would never miss an opportunity to serve my country and protect its freedom.