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on Hopethese things remain page 6
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14 November 2013 | Volume 98 | Issue 7
Collegianthe
Walla Walla University
Cover Photo Credit: Erick Juarez, @eric_yeagley94, Vitalily Krivoruk, whitezine.com
The Collegian is the official publication of ASWWU. Its views and opinions are not neces-sarily the official stance of Walla Walla University or its administration, faculty, staff, or students. Questions, letters, and comments can be mailed to [email protected] or [email protected]. This issue was completed at 11:30 p.m. on 13 November 2013.
The Collegian | Volume 98, Issue 7 | 204 S. College Avenue College Place, WA 99324 | collegian.wallawalla.edu
If you are interested in contributing to The Collegian, contact our page editors or the editor-in-chief at [email protected]. The Collegian is boosted by regularly incorporating a wide range of student perspectives.
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Grant Perdew
Assistant Editor Nathan Stratte
Head Layout EditorAlix Harris
Head Copy EditorCarly Leggitt
Head Photo EditorKate Gref
News EditorCarolyn Green
Feature EditorsBrooklynn LarsonKatie PekarJulian Weller
Grant PerdewEditor-In-Chief
I’ve been reading the 1936 self-help classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, both for class and for my own expansion of knowledge. In my reading, I’ve come across some brilliant tips for better communication and generally becoming a better person. The author, Dale Carnegie, reminds readers to always smile; to never criticize, complain, or condemn people; and to be genuinely interested in others. He says, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
That being said, Barn Party is this weekend. So when you see that one guy with the intricate, clever costume he’s been sewing and welding together for the past month, just remember that he isn’t crazy. He just has a lot of passion in some special areas. If we can learn to see things from the other person’s point of view, we will have stronger relationships and become more successful. It also depends on our outlook on life.
Opinion EditorsBrandon TorkelsenRebecca WilliamsAndrew Woodruff
Fashion EditorBrenda Negoescu
Sports EditorGrayson Andregg
Religion EditorJohn LubkeDaniel Peverini
Outdoor EditorJustin Mock
Diversions EditorEric Weber
Travel EditorJon Mack
Science & Technology EditorJoe Hughes
Food EDitorAndrea Johnson
Local Attractions Editor Timmy Barbosa
Arts & Media EditorChad Aufderhar
Backword EditorRachel Logan
Creative Writing EditorRachel Blake
ColumnistsMadeleine BoysonMicah Hall
Layout DesignersErik EdstromAndralyn IwasaIan SmithJenna Thomas
Copy EditorsRachel BlakeJassica ChoiLauren Heathcock
Staff WritersLester BiggsSavannah KislingCarlton HenkesLauren Lewis
Office & Distribution ManagerHaley Coon
Carnegie says that “it isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you’re doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”
In this shorter issue, we have oodles of both engaging and delightful content. I encourage you to read a contribution from Matt Burdette, a systematic theology student at the University of Aberdeen in Scotland, in which he takes an in-depth look at hope. We are also running a letter written by Professor Don Riley in response to a news article published two weeks ago about Sandra Roberts, the first female Adventist Conference President. With two issues left this quarter, we at The Collegian wish you good luck on your remaining weeks before break, and a happy reading.
News | #thecollegian | Calendar Religion | Response Letter | Snapshots Diversions | Opinion | Column | Contributor
Context Perspective life3–5 6–11 12–16
photo by timothy torres photo by andrea johnsonphoto by kai kopitzke
want to be featured in the collegian ? Submit your poetry, articles, creative
writing, art, and photos to: [email protected].
Lester Biggs
Arts & Media | Food | Travel | Local Outdoor | Science | Sports | BackWord
Pg 5: After re-reading our news story on the Campus Healthcare Merger, we want to clarify that we did in no way intend to imply that Campus Health & Wellness doesn’t currently have well-trained health professionals. We recognize that the staff of Campus Health work hard as qualified professionals to bring the campus quality healthcare.
Pg 15: A note from the author to the editors was accidentally published.
Pg 16: Mono saturated fats (which do not exist) should read monounsatu-rated fats.
CORRECTIONSWe would like to set the record straight regarding
some errors in our November 7 issue:
time to break out those costumes //
C O N T E X TNEWS | 3
This year, the annual ASWWU Barn Party will take place on November 16 in the Walla Walla University gym.
This year’s event will have a rustic autumn theme and will have a few differences from previous years. According to Nancy Patiño, ASWWU social VP, “There will be no hay bales: sad story. Also, we’re going to have contra dancing instead of line dancing. We’re going to have more booths than last year, and the lighting will be dimmer to give it more of a romantic and mystical ambiance.”
Another difference that has been noticed is that the date of the event is later than usual. The reason behind this was a change in venue. Originally, the barn party was to be held in a hanger at the airport, but was moved back to the gym to help keep students warm and to fix potential transportation issues.
For those of you who might not know, there is an exciting church alternative on campus. It’s called Berean Fellowship, and they’re here to help you connect to Christ in a powerful and unique way.
The spiritual arm of the BSCF club (Black Student Christian Forum), Berean is a multicultural group of friends and fellow students who praise God and encourage each other in his Spirit. They gather at 10:30 on Sabbath mornings in the Fine Arts Center for breakfast and begin a new experience each week.
A creative worship experience that anyone can enjoy, Berean features black gospel music. Elton Narciss, Aviation student and Berean music director, says, “We take songs
Lester BiggsStaff Writer
from each of our backgrounds and give them a colorful makeover.”
Rather than having a traditional sermon, Berean addresses topics in the form of debates, news broadcasts, and even talk shows with guest speakers. This Sabbath, Taj Cunningham will be hosting a news broadcast message with an invitation for the community to bring their thoughts to Christ, followed by a celebration in song.
Kofi Twumasi, a pre-law student and the leader of Berean, shared that the manager of Rogers’ Bakery was so moved by her visits to Berean that she has been donating pastries on a regular basis.
Berean also produces Impact on Friday nights after vespers. It’s a more involved service that allows the community to get active and have some fun while fellowshipping and praising the Lord. Karaoke, rap/poetry/song battles, debates, and a jazz band are some of the typical occurrences at Impact. And to top it all off, it’s worth two worship credits!
the berean experience //Carlton henkesStaff Writer
photo by mason neil
The rest of the BSCF team includes Brian Obaigwa (vice president), Jannet Nieves (social vice president), Shirley Damian (treasurer), and Whitney Smith (secretary), with sponsors Pedrito Maynard-Reid and Austin Archer.
Greetings from Portland! I am proud to announce this brand new column here in The Collegian. After years of having an active nursing program in this great city of Portland, we haven’t had the opportunity to share news with our fellow classmates until now. Here is where I hope to share short stories, current events, and all about life here in Portland through the eyes of a nursing student.
portland update
Some of the booths that will be present at the event this year will be air-brushed (temporary) tattoos, a Super Smash Brothers video game booth, bull riding, and contra dancing. During the party, ASWWU will also be handing out water bottles and this year's printed Mask.
photo by timmothy torres
30 %Portion of every apple eaten that is wasted by biting around the sides.
8Number of Filipinos killed yesterday in a food stampede amid a desperate wait for Typhoon Haiyan relief aid.
“I am still the legitimate president of the
Egyptian republic.”— The ousted Egyptian president in his trial in Cairo: He and 14 top lieutenants in the Muslim Brotherhood are charged with inciting murder during the 2012 protests against Morsi's leadership.
195mphEstimated maximum sustained speed of wind in Typhoon Haiyan, which struck the Philippines last Thursday evening, making it one of strongest storms to make landfall in modern records.
1,774Official death toll from Typhoon Haiyan.
“ ”Mohamed Morsi
Taylor Higdon
C O N T E X T4
@photoblivion
@erickjuarezjr
@eric_yeagley94
@bathtubsleak
1528 e. isaacs (509) 529-8889
Buy 2 Dinner Entrées Get
1 frEE
choice of wonton pot sticker spring rolls
expi
res
1/31
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4
frEEThai Tea
orThai Coffee with purcahse of
any entree
expi
res
1/31
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All-You-Can-Eat Buffet $7.99
Thursday, friday, & Sunday
11 a.m. - 2:30 p.m.
expi
res
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Soup$7.00 al
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cannot combine coupons | not valid with any other offer
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#thecollegian
14 NOV Thursday Friday
Berean Fellowship10:30 a.m.
FAC Auditorium
Circle Church11:07 a.m.
Black Box Theatre
ASWWU Barn Party8–10 p.m.WEC Gym
National Button Day
Saturday
Homemade Bread Day
Take a Hike Day
17 Nov Sunday
Winter registration opens for Freshmen
18 nov Monday
CommUnity: David Wagner, Olympian
11 a.m.University Church
The Areopagus7 p.m.
Prayer House
General Student Recital7:30 p.m.
FAC Auditorium
19 nov Tuesday 20 nov Wednesday
week in forecast52° 43° 50° 34° 46° 23° 41° 25°
43° 28° 48° 30° 55° 32°
photo by carlton henkesphoto by flickr user united nations
photo by flickr user longzijun photo by carlton henkes
photo by flickr kayvee
photo by kate gref
Operation Christmas Child EndsLast day to deliver box to Chaplain's Office
National Pickle Day SM Skype Expo4–6 p.m.
Chaplain's Office
Vespers: Terry Johnson8 p.m.
University Church
JAM SessionAfter VespersPrayer House
ASWWU Insight9:15 p.m.
Black Box Theatre
photo by kai kopitzke
15 NOV 16 NOV
1528 e. isaacs (509) 529-8889
Buy 2 Dinner Entrées Get
1 frEE
choice of wonton pot sticker spring rolls
expi
res
1/31
/201
4
frEEThai Tea
orThai Coffee with purcahse of
any entree
expi
res
1/31
/201
4
All-You-Can-Eat Buffet $7.99
Thursday, friday, & Sunday
11 a.m. - 2:30 p.m.
expi
res
1/31
/201
4
TUESDAYPhad Thai
or Thai Noodle
Soup$7.00 al
l da
y ev
ery
tues
day
cannot combine coupons | not valid with any other offer
thai cuisine
C O N T E X T5
P E R S P E C T I V ERELIGION | 6
TOMS One for One. A scam right? Never really happens? We sometimes might think that businesses feign humanitarianism in an attempt to sell their expensive products.
Well, TOMS’ One for One promise is true. How do I know? I saw it happen. Every day I walked down the narrow
hallway at King’s Children’s Home in Belize. Hot, musty air wafted around me, mingling with the smell of rice boiling and the sound of children’s voices. But today there was something else in the air: excitement. The living room at the end of the hallway was filled with children, hands in the air, each vying for something. Standing on tiptoes to peek over heads, I saw a large pile of shoes in the middle of the room. Our director was calling out names, asking their shoe size, then
Hope is a perilous virtue, for to hope is to risk everything. Those few courageous women and men in our (mostly horrific) history who have dared to hope have usually been those who ended up on the wrong sides of swords and guns, locked up in cages, living on the run, or nailed to crosses. If you want to see hope, look to the dark underside of history. For beneath the Pax Romana is the Pax Christi. The former wins peace by might, while the latter wins peace by a mighty weakness.
The announcement that God raised Jesus from the dead is a call to hope. This means at least two things. First, human history is simultaneously a history of damnation and salvation. And second, those who believe the gospel must fully inhabit both dimensions of history.
Ours is not an age of hope. Do not be deceived by the rhetoric that put Obama in the White House, which only obscured his servile loyalty to Wall Street, like his
On Hope //Matt BurdetteContributor
venal predecessor. Likewise, we mustn’t be swept away by the optimism peddled by technocrats, nor by the empty promises of free-market ideologues in the government and corporate media, nor by the banal pseudo-humanism of Hollywood. We must be truthful with ourselves.
We don’t really believe things can be different. For all our talk about the Second Advent, we are the apostle Peter’s scoffers, muttering in our hearts, “Where is the promise of his coming? For ever since our ancestors died, all things continue as they were from the beginning” (2 Peter 3:4).
It is not that we lack faith. We place immense faith in stability, in continuity, in what is established, in the past. And it is this faith that is the foundation for optimism or pessimism. The pessimist knows the damnation of the past and therefore knows what to expect. The optimist ignores that damnation in order to believe we can save ourselves. But both are wrong because of their misplaced faith in a history devoid of novelty. Scripture knows no such history.
The gospel teaches a different concept of history. It is not a myth of progress nor is it an existential escape from the grip of Fate. A Christian conception of history derives from what happened with Jesus, especially his death and resurrection.
In this story there is no illusion that “everything is going to be OK,” as though the universe is somehow on our side. It doesn’t offer a warm and fuzzy, grandfatherly god who lives in a cabin in Vermont. No, Jesus has a mission to announce God’s kingdom, and his mission gets him crucified. And instead of whispering to the crucified man next to him, “I know this seems awful, but I’m actually dying for the sins of the world,” Jesus looks up to heaven and cries out to God, “Why have you forsaken me?” And we have no permission to doubt the sincerity of this challenge.
The resurrection is God’s answer. If Jesus’ question was asking God whose god the Father is, then the resurrection says that God is the god of those whom history has crucified. And it says that God does not spare us from the violence of history, but that God also never gives such violence the last word. Jesus is not spared defeat, but his defeat occasions his victory. He is not spared death, but his death occasions unconquerable life.
This is the meaning of Christian hope; that God will act and therefore tomorrow is not determined by yesterday. Christian hope is a great “nevertheless” that does not deny horrors, but will not grant them the finality they demand. Christian hope is always hope against hope (Romans 4). Those who believe this story of Jesus, that his obedience to God led to his death, and that God has rescued
him from that death, are called to be people of hope. And if this is not to degenerate into middle-class optimism, then we must hold on to both damnation and salvation. Hope for salvation must be hope for salvation out of damnation, never instead of it. The call to follow Jesus is not a call to escape the grave, but to pass through it.
What this means in practice is that those who hope in Christ can never hope apart from those in the world who are hopeless, the crucified peoples of history. To inhabit both dimensions of history is to unite oneself to the struggles of crucified peoples, and to share with them in their hope. I am speaking, of course, of the poor and the oppressed, the invisible factory workers in Asia, those who are ghettoized in America’s internal colonies, the abused victims of our prison industrial complex, and the countless underpaid workers who are a paycheck away from starvation and homelessness. To be a people of hope is to be identified with these people, and to take up the cross of fighting their cause, and hoping in the resurrection that will fulfill their and all of our lives.
Matt Burdette, a graduate of La Sierra University, is currently pursuing a Ph.D. in systematic theology at the University of Aberdeen, Scotland.
Campus Ministries Operation Christmas Child and TOMS
handing the child a new pair of shoes. I was curious as to what kind of shoes they were getting. Stepping away from the crowd I saw someone who had just received a pair. In his hands was a pair of black TOMS. I looked at his shoes, and said excitedly: “Ezekiel! You have a pair of TOMS! Those are great shoes; you will love them. I really like those shoes.” Without pause he smiled at me and said, “Rachael, Mom got a lot of shoes — you should ask her for a pair. She will give you some.”
Oh. Wait. That isn’t how this is supposed to work.
I looked down at my own two feet, where a pair of TOMS already resided. Months ago, I had bought these shoes because they were comfortable and cool. I would fit in and
We can make a difference
These things remain: Part II
support a good cause. But I was the one who was supposed to be giving a new pair of shoes to somebody. Instead, the person in need offered a new pair to me.
Humility. It happens in these moments. You have a chance to give to somebody in
need. You might think, “TOMS doesn’t affect people,” or, “a Christmas shoebox cannot make a difference.” Well, my friends, that is where you are wrong. My Belizean family of 80 people each had a new pair of shoes. That’s a big deal. Christmas is also a big deal to little kids. Especially if they won’t be receiving Christmas gifts because their parents cannot afford them. So take a leap of faith. It’s only a 10-dollar leap. Give Christmas to a child and make a difference in his or her life.
— Rachael Coon Remember: Shoe boxes are due November 20. The Chaplain’s Office is the place to pick up and drop off boxes. Thank you for taking time to give.
P E R S P E C T I V E7
F.L. 2 — 2013–2014 Budget Approval
Key:
F.L. | Financial Legislation
G.L. | Governance Legislation
P.L. | Personnel Legislation
U P D AT Esenate
If you’d like to see how senate works, join us Thursdays at 9 p.m. in WEC 217. All are welcome.
O L D B U S I N E S S
G U E S TJodi Wagner
When individuals, churches, conferences or even unions seek to embrace congregationalism over church unity, the result is a leap backwards for Adventism. A conference voting a president to the leadership role without ordination is a violation of GC working policy E-60 which states the “president shall be an ordained minister.”1 This places a conference president in our NAD all alone relative to the other 12 divisions in our church. Without clear biblical rationale for doing so — the conference has simply chosen to be “separate” from the world church, an action that would seem to demand biblical clarity to initiate — but is lacking. I appreciate The Collegian writing on this story, but would like to point out some clarifications based on the news editorial (in the Oct. 31st paper).
1) In reference to Ellen White having “held the credential of an ordained minister,” while credential is correct it should be pointed out that she was never ordained.
Letter to the editor:
One of the six credentials she received in her life did have the word “ordained” on it, but it was crossed out, as shown. With all the instruction she was given for our church in her lifetime, her silence on this subject is telling.
2) “Qualifications” was mentioned several times in the editorial — but the qualifications shared are just people’s opinions. There is not a clear biblical basis for the “qualification” and there is not a church policy that suggests she is qualified.
There are other denominations that have such policies that render a qualification, but not the Adventist church.
The Bible has a story about “qualified” (in our eyes) people but who were not “qualified” in the eyes of God. Numbers 16 talks about “well-known community leaders” who were “appointed members of the council” with their “censers” and “offerings” and support
Don RileyThis letter to the editor is a response to the October 31 news article “Giant Leap for Adventism,” by Carolyn Green. Don Riley is a professor of engineering at Walla Walla University.
Giant Leap Backwards for Adventism //
of their community — and a desire to be in the “priesthood.” But the result was the earth consumed them and “fire came out from the Lord and consumed the 250 men who were offering the incense.” The community, still thinking the “leaders” were “qualified” said “You have killed the Lord’s people” which then resulted in the death of 14,700 who assumed these “leaders” were “qualified.” (Quotes from NIV version.)
Biblical stories like this cause me to pause and think — are there biblical qualifications
that are more important than what I may feel is a qualification, just based on my opinion which may be shaped by modern culture more so than shaped by a plain reading of scripture? If the Bible had evidence of female priests in the Old Testament or evidence of females in leadership/teaching roles of an elder
or pastor in the New Testament — then a biblical basis would suggest that current Adventist policy is in need of change. But such evidence does not exist — it is not in the Bible.
For an interesting recent history of how the NAD orchestrated this recent action, see: http://ordinationtruth.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/kirl-e60woendgame.pdf.
1. Working Policy 2011 2012, p. 219.
SNAPSHOTS | 8S N A P S H O T S
photo by erick juarez
photo by Vitaliy kriVoruk
photo by Vitaliy kriVoruk
photo by arella aung
photo by arella aung
photo by carlton henkes
photo by carlton henkes
photo by erick juarez
photo by carlton henkesphoto by Vitaliy kriVoruk
P E R S P E C T I V EDIVERSIONS | 9
Friendship, Education, and BagelsDiversions Editor & Pontificator
eric weber
There are few things I like in boxes. I like doughnuts in boxes. I like cheesecake in boxes. I like boxes in boxes. But I really hate people in boxes. Yes, I’m talking to you, 3-year-old boy with your cardboard spaceship. Of course that’s not what I’m talking about! I’m talking about the proverbial boxes (if you don’t know what proverbial means, how are you in college?) we put people into. It’s stupid! I’m sorry, but I don’t like the stereotypes that society has forced upon me. Why? Because I don’t fit into them. Have you seen me lately? A better question is, do you know who Gumby is? Imagine him, but with hair, back acne, a bad attitude, and the increasing feeling that Judge Judy is the love of your life, and voilà, you’ve got me. What it comes down to is this: There are very few people who fit into the boxes decided by our culture — those people consist of male and female models, Julian Weller, and angels. But we consistently tell ourselves that we have to be exactly like them, when we can’t. Let’s realize that it’s fine to be unique! Embrace yourself! Don’t let the Bee Gees (wrong reference?) and the Kardashians decide who you should be. Decide for yourself, and while you’re at it, decide on Eric Weber for the next WWU President! Friendship, Education, and Bagels — that’s my motto.
YOU PROVIDE THE PUNCHLINE.My day started off ADVERB
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the collegian is looking for an artist to create an ongoing graphic noVel or comic about our great detectiVe.
Submit your story idea with a few panels to [email protected].
calling all artists w
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before the final cards. Even after everyone folds, you may have no idea of the value of an opponents hand. I have seen over 2 million hands in my life. If I fretted after every single
one I folded, I would be insane. Life has its own blind decisions. Retrospect can’t tell us if we chose the best path. Yet, we can’t let that uncertainty paralyze us. And you definitely can’t beat yourself up over every poor decision. Reach closure on open wounds. It could be just what you need to turn your luck around.
L I F ECULTUR E P E R S P E C T I V E
OPINION | 10
Redefining Success //
Shuffle up and deal //
REbecca WilliamsOpinion Editor
What does it mean to be successful? Here, now, in our collegiate lives, perhaps we define success as passing a difficult midterm, doing an exceptional job delivering a speech, or, after what seems like forever, finally graduating. In the long term, success could be deemed as becoming the top dog in whatever field you pursue, raising a family with little-to-no fuss, or constantly pushing yourself to rise above expectations. However, we need to take a look at what we sacrifice in order to be “successful.” What do we leave behind to get ahead?
As college students, we already feel the burdens of pursuing success. Sleep deprivation, stress, unhealthy caffeine consumption, and neglected relationships are the results of trying to achieve society’s definition of success: a good job and a steady income.
This is not a gambling endorsement. Poker is typically considered gambling, though this is debated within the judicial system.1 Take the money out, and what you get is a complex game of probability and psychology. I’ve been playing variations of poker since I was 13 and I have learned a lot. I know all about implied odds and the bread and butter of poker: folding. My focuses here, however, are the life lessons I have learned from this game of luck and skill.
Patience is vital to success. Sometimes the best opportunities require plenty of time and pickiness. In poker you need to fold a lot of
1. http://tinyurl.com/collegian007success1.
1. http://tinyurl.com/mm85hn3.
“Successful people simply put themselves in positions to get lucky.”
“Is graduating, getting a job, working, then eventually dying the definition of a successful life?”
Now, I must acknowledge that money is essential in today’s economy. We need money in order to live. We need a job in order to earn money. And having to study and work hard in school develops the characteristics necessary to retain a high-paying job. But is graduating, getting a job, working, then eventually dying the definition of a successful life? Well, that all depends. It depends on whether or not you
are passionate about what you do. It depends on whether or not you see your life as truly fulfilling.
I watched a video1 recently where the narrator discussed the benefits of doing what you love as opposed to choosing a career that will make you successful. He asks the question, “What would you like to do if money were no
hands and the same goes for opportunities in life. Say no to some opportunities, maybe even a lot of them. That way you can prioritize and focus your energy on plans that are important to you. With quality choices, you should find your good decisions paying off.
Maximize wins, minimize losses. In the long term, through ups and downs, certain individuals keep winning large-scale poker tournaments. Long-runners win by successfully maximizing the benefits of smart decisions and minimizing the loss from opportunities gone bad. How do you maximize your opportunities in life? Personally, I try to say “yes” only to a manageable amount of opportunities, working to get as many of them to succeed as possible. Critics often say, “Some people just get lucky.” But I assure you, by the math gods, they are not getting any more lucky than anyone else. Successful people simply put themselves in positions to get lucky.
Find closure. Looking back on life, there are a lot of decisions I feel were bad in retrospect. In poker, all the cards are dealt only a small percentage of the time. Usually people fold
object? How would you really enjoy spending your life? ... You do that.” Realistically speaking, it is difficult to effectively support yourself if what you want to do is, let’s say, draw pictures of flowers on the sidewalk or build shelves out of plastic spoons. However, what if you could find people that also liked to do those things? You could build your passion into something lucrative or rewarding. To paraphrase this video, there is no point in living life doing something you don’t like in order to continue living; that is, doing something that you don’t like.
We devote an awful lot of mind power to choosing a major and a career. Some choose one and some choose five. And as we continue into adulthood, our options seem to decrease. I would encourage those of you hovering between decisions to really think about what you are passionate about. Then think about how you can make that into a fulfilling life.
We have been given a great opportunity. Unlike many individuals our age, we can choose what we want to make out of our lives, what we want to achieve. And so, I would like to redefine success for those of us who are about to go out into the world and attempt it. Success is living with the knowledge that you are doing something that is meaningful to you and that contributes to the well-being of our world.
W I S D O Mcollegian
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AndrewWoodruffOpinion Editor
Area 51 declassified.First non-terrestial government furlough.
U.S. projected to lead world in energy production by 2015.Gas prices expected to drop by up to 3 cents.
A white supremacist discovered he is part Sub-Saharan African on live TV.Talk about a midlife crisis.
Unidentified woman leaves alligator in Chicago’s O’Hare Airport.A reptile dysfunction.
U.S. expatriate count reaches record high.“God bless America, land that I loved!”
P E R S P E C T I V ECOLUMN| 11
Some weeks ago, I watched the first episode of House of Cards. A serialized wonder on American politics, this Netflix series stars Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright.1 I’m obviously a little behind — having barely graced the first season (the second season will premiere early next year) — but one shot of Spacey was quite enough to whet my appetite. Parallel to my curiosity for Francis Underwood, however, is my maddening inability to “place” some of the actors on the show. After much deliberation, I’ve determined the following: The brain’s ability to recognize faces is both the best and the worst feature of human cognizance. Why? The actor who plays Rep. Peter Russo looks frighteningly familiar and I cannot for the life of me figure out why.
There’s a real sense of pride in remembering a face from another circumstance, but then again, not remembering can prove horrific for the psyche. I didn’t want to use the Internet — that’s cheating — but I needed to find out what other visual art Russo’s actor has played in before.
My mother has uncanny facial recognition. She can recall any actor from any movie she’s seen or remember the face and name of someone she’s met only once. Last year, she spent Parent Weekend vespers pairing the faces surrounding her in the audience with famous actors. “Look Madz, doesn’t that guy look like Robert De Niro?” He did. “And doesn’t she look a little bit like Helen Mirren?” For Pete’s sake, she did. Though my mother and I sometimes finish each other’s sentences and our respective baby pictures look like mirror images of each other, I don’t have her capability to recognize faces. Or rather, I recognize them, but I can’t place them. Lucky me.
So why did Russo’s character look so familiar? I never could figure it out myself — my boyfriend did. He even called me over the phone to squawk the findings of his memory bank. I’d lost at my own game, and I hadn’t
I love gluten. Correction: I love bread, croissants, pretzels, and pretty much anything that comes out of my oven involving white flour.1
Having said that, I know that celiac disease and gluten intolerance are real; if you have one of these, feel free to disregard what I say as it would be detrimental to you.2
Being a lover of gluten and someone who cares about healthy eating,3 I have been mortified in the past few months to witness a rise in gluten detestation across Facebook and in the diets of people I see more regularly. Last week, Rachel Logan talked in the BackWord about health and healthy dieting. I heartily agree with her stance on juicing, but I disagree to the same degree with her implication that gluten is unealthy.
Gluten is not unhealthy. Many people in this modern age wrongly assume they have gluten intolerance or that gluten is harmful. However, for thousands of years humans have consumed bread without harm. At the beginning of the century, the French consumed an average of three baguettes per person per day.4
French baguettes are not what I make at home — they’re generally 26” long.5
Here’s why living gluten free when you don’t need to can be harmful: While gluten
1. I instantly recognized her. Does Princess Butter-cup ring any bells? The two other people I’ve polled and I all agree that this woman has aged like fine Walla Walla wine.
2. I love this British colloquialism. This has nothing to do with this week’s column.
3. http://tinyurl.com/ow2po6j.
“At the beginning of the century, the French consumed an average of three baguettes per person per day.”
“I can’t distinguish particular pigeons.”
Don’t I Know You From Somewhere? //
The Gluten Assumption //
even used the Internet. What’s more, I’ve seen Midnight in Paris so many more times than Josh; for the love of 1920s Paris, I should’ve been the one to recognize him.
I’ve run into this problem several times since arriving on campus last year, and not just with the faces on my telly2 (okay, Netflix. Hulu. Internet-streamed movies). For anyone who’s met me just once (or twice) know that I don’t guarantee remembering that your specific name is attached to your face. I just don’t always get it right.
I question why my brain allows this nonsense. Brainfacts.org states that babies begin to develop facial recognition from four months of age, and that what we know about recognition comes from studies about prosopagnosia — “face blindness” — people who have lost their ability to differentiate between people.3 The brain fully develops this ability between the ages of 2 and 10, and the fusiform gryus (part of the temporal and occipital lobes) is the area of the brain most responsible for the function.
Some of our ability to recognize faces also comes from experience. The practice of seeing certain faces over and over again helps reinforce recognition. As a history major myself, I don’t know the science of it, but it’s great that I can distinguish between people, even though, as brainfacts.org points out, I can’t distinguish particular pigeons.
Now that I know the mystery of Russo’s actor and we all know a little more about facial recognition, I’ll just play more visual games and keep practicing with facial recognition experience — how would Russo’s character look with a beard? Dressed in a 1920s get up and smoking a cigar? Probably just like Ernest Hemingway.
itself doesn’t offer nutritional benefits, many of the foods which contain gluten also contain essential proteins,6 vitamins, and minerals which are difficult to obtain elsewhere.7, 8
I must acknowledge that modern bread can be very damaging. When you visit Walmart,9 you have the option to choose between many types of prepackaged, pre-damaged bread.10 This bread is made with unnatural and often incompletely tested preservatives and dairy products11 and often contain all kinds of other travesties to food. These additives are what can make bread unhealthy.
In light of all that I’ve said to offend your health-conscious aunts, I’d like to propose an alternative: bake your own bread. Buy non-GMO flours, seeds, and rolled grains;12 grow your own sourdough;13 find the closest oven. Flour, water, salt, yeast. That’s all you need. Or, if that’s too much, go to Andy’s Market and find a loaf of Wilkinson bread, made without artificial preservatives. I hear it’s great for sandwiches, but a loaf never makes it past my roommate intact.
Madeleine BoysonColumnist
1. Or, to be fair, pretty much any type of flour.
2. This study, by Karin de Punder and Leo Pruimboom, examines the effects of wheat on celiac and gluten in-tolerant people: http://tinyurl.com/collegian007gluten1. Another study indicates that there is “no evidence of specific or dose-dependent effects of gluten” in patients with self-reported non-celiac gluten sensitivity: http://tinyurl.com/collegian007gluten2 .
3. To some extent, as the croissants suggest.
4. http://tinyurl.com/collegian007gluten3.
5. 65 centimeters, for all the saints out there.
6. Interesting aside: wheat flour is anywhere from 10–18% protein, so you can increase your protein intake by eat-ing more bread.
7. http://tinyurl.com/collegian007gluten4.
8. Benefits of wheat consumption are discussed at length here, along with its fascinating history and the prob-lems some people encounter: http://tinyurl.com/colle-gian007gluten5.
9. Shame, shame.
10. Of course, this is my opinion. There is some evidence to back it up, but it is limited. Research on preservatives has not been extensive in recent years. See: http://ti-nyurl.com/collegian007gluten6, and http://tinyurl.com/collegian007gluten7.
11. If you’re interested in damaging your high opinions of dairy products, read this: http://tinyurl.com/colle-gian007gluten8.
12. I should say that the pro- vs. non-GMO debate is going strong and is too much to address here appropriately. Suffice it to say that Initiative 522 (GMO labelling) in Washington was recently defeated 46.7/53.3%.
13. This is another whole topic, but it should be suffice to say that sourdough is more healthy for you than bread made from commercial yeast. If you’re curious now, go read Joe Hughes’ article from last week or play around on Google.
philip DuclosContributor
L I F ECULTURE | 18
L I F EARTS & MEDIA
12
seventeen //Chad AufderharArts & Media Editor
This last weekend as I was settling into a quiet, cold, and empty house, I was not feeling all too excited about life. So I did as I always do under such circumstances — retreat to the internet. After blitzing through a few uninteresting articles, something caught my eye. It was an open letter written by New Zealand singer-songwriter Ella Maria Lani Yelich-O’Connor on her 17th birthday last Friday. I am not a regular user of Tumblr, but this post from the girl also known as the alternative music sensation Lorde was not what I expected from someone in her position.
One of the things that I find interesting about music is how it can take some of the most obscure and unique people and throw them into the country’s or the world’s spotlight. This is what has happened to Lorde so quickly, with her hit single “Royals” spending six weeks at the top of the Billboard Hot 100 and her album going platinum. All of this happened before she turned 17. So, how did she spend her first birthday as a pop culture phenomenon? I really appreciated hearing from someone we have put on a pedestal expressing her thankfulness. Her
honesty shows that we are all not so different as we sometimes think. Here are excerpts from her Tumblr post:
“i’m in new york city. i’m writing this because i’ve fallen into this odd crevasse of age where in new zealand, it’s my birthday, but in new york, there’s still a day to go. this is my first birthday away from home, which is cool except that my little brother, who was born on the same day as me, turns twelve today. happy birthday, angelo. i owe you lots of icebreaker sours.
“... this time last year i was making a soundcloud, and a twitter, and a tumblr, all in the name lorde. i had no clue what was going to happen with the music. i hoped it’d be alright.
“... i realize over and over every day just how lucky i am to be here. and that’s down to all of you, as well — regular people in dumb towns who make me feel so loved and strong, and whose hunger i can’t wait to satisfy with more music.
“...today’s weird time blip is a day off (kind of), so i’m going to wrap up warm and walk around the city listening to stevie nicks and broken social scene, feeling all seventeen, hugging myself against the cold. if you see me, and i’m whispering to myself all crazy, don’t worry. it’s just a happy mantra of thanks for the way things are.”
“Household Goods”
Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs“Dream Catch Me”
Newton Faulkner“That Girl”
David Choi“Brielle”
Sky Sailing“The Sore Feet Song”
Ally Kerr
Songs for Early Sunsets
tinyurl.com/nkqcye4
These lovely songs were shared with us by one of our campus’ very own singer-songwriters,
Joseph Ausmus. Enjoy!
ASWWU Videovimeo.com/aswwu
Student Stories: Austin HummelRelease Date: Tonight at 9:37 p.m.
Check out this feature about the spiritual journey of student Austin
Hummel and his passion for automotive work. Have suggestions
of other students to [email protected]
Do you have art you would like featured in The Collegian? Email your submissions to:
Lorde
photos by http://nostromodomo.com/
photos by http://trendy-wallpapers.
photos by http://dbfestival.com/dbx/
L I F EFOOD / TRAVEL
13
Everybody loves pizza, right? Let’s go with yes. The great thing about pizza is that you can do anything with it. You can make it sweet, savory, vegan, or loaded with every topping imaginable. I’m sharing this recipe because homemade crust is wonderful. It gives you a sense of accomplishment (even though it’s a cinch to make) and makes your pizza that much better. Well, enough words — let’s eat pizza!
p i z z aThe Food Fiend presents
photos by andrea johnson
Andrea JohnsonFood Editor
Combine water, yeast, and sugar in a bowl. Stir gently to dissolve. In another bowl, mix flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Add yeast mixture and olive oil to dry ingredients. Knead for a few minutes until dough is combined and a bit elastic. Place in a lightly oiled bowl, cover with a dish towel, and let rise 2 hours. Punch the dough down and roll (or press with your hands if you don’t have a rolling pin) into desired shape. Bake on a lightly greased baking sheet at 375° F for 5–6 minutes, then remove from the oven, add sauce and toppings, and bake again for 10–12 minutes or until dough is baked through. Makes approx. 14” pizza.
3/4 cup warm water3/4 tsp. instant dry yeast1/2 tsp. sugar1 1/2 cups flour1/8 tsp. baking soda1/8 tsp. baking powder1/2 tsp. salt2 tbsp. olive oilCooking spray, oil, or butter for baking sheet
basic Pizza Dough(and pizza directions)
INGREDIENTS
cut me out!
Notes and Suggestions- Feel free to mix your flours. White flour is not a must. I used 1 cup white and 1/2 cup wheat.- If you have the privilege of owning a Kitchen Aid mixer, this will greatly aid in the kneading of your dough. I recommend you use it.- Make personal pizzas with your friends. Yay!- Don’t feel limited to the “pizza cheese blend.” I used the “Italian cheese blend” to make myself feel fancy, and it was delicious.- Try making a dessert pizza. I dare you.- If you’re stuck in a pizza rut, just google some recipes or head to foodgawker.com, search “pizza,” and commence drooling.
Have you ever been picking apples long after the harvest? You can usually find an apple here or an apple there, but the orchard isn’t very fruitful, is it? In many ways, travel may be the same. If you’ve gone where everyone else has already been, your story may not be as unique as if you had ventured somewhere else. Maybe it’s time to smell the roses somewhere else.
Just about every summer I find myself doing the same activities in the same places. You know, boating at Vantage, working at camp, hiking around at Mt. Rainier, perusing the streets of Seattle, or sleeping. And every
summer I have a great time, but what if I did something new?
Maybe go to some of the same places but carry out a different objective. Maybe I could go to Seattle, but instead of finding those delicious cinnamon-covered doughnut holes at Pike Place Market, I could walk around in search of a coffee shop I’ve never heard of and strike up a conversation with a lady who lives in an apartment two stories higher. Maybe our stories will be different, maybe the same — after, though, our stories would, in part, be each other’s stories. The setting is the same, but the experience and the growth are both new.
It’s difficult to venture to new destinations, but I think it’s worthwhile to achieve a new perspective while traveling to a familiar location. Get out in the world and experience something you never have before, even if it’s in a place you’ve already been.
Venture Fresh //Jon MackTravel Editor
DESTINATION OF THE WEEK:
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZILPopulation: 6.32 million
Religion: Catholicism
Famous for: Its laid-back culture, the festival of Carnival, the Christ
the Redeemer statue, samba music, co-starring in Fast Five and
Rio, and world sports.
Upcoming Events: 2014 World Cup and 2016 Olympics
photo in creative commons
Travel Necessity of the Week
Nalgene® water bottles won’t crumble, even under the stress of your intense adventures.
Live. Drink. Nalgene®.
Don’t have one? Get your free ASWWU Nalgene® at Barn Party!photo in jon mack
LOCAL/OUTDOORS | 14L I F E
Outdoor Getaway: Wenaha–Tucannon Wilderness //
Justin mockOutdoors Editor
Outdoors
One of the great aspects of WWU is its proximity to the Blue Mountains. Although small, these mountains provide a place for skiing, snowshoeing, backpacking, and hiking. Recently, I discovered one of the Blue Mountain’s treasures: the Wenaha–Tucannon wilderness. A few weeks ago, I hiked there and found it to be a place of beauty and quiet. If you are seeking solitude in nature, this article is for you. Here I’ll share specifics on my hike as well as give advice on how to plan your own.
MY ADVENTUREThe hike I took a few weeks ago was on the Timothy Springs trail, which enters the
wilderness from its south end and travels along the south fork of the Wenaha River. The trail skirts high cliffs with good views and travels along the valley floor next to a branch of the Wenaha’s south fork. The leaves and river were beautiful, and the intense quiet of that place was amazing. We had the trail to ourselves, seeing only one other human. Although we didn’t see any elk or bears, it was still a great day.
Plan Your Own Adventure in the Wenaha–Tucannon Wilderness
1. Visit the Walla Walla ranger station: You can buy a map, purchase a recreation pass to park at trailheads, learn about the status of various trails, and get driving directions.
2. Choose your trail: Ask the ranger about trail specifics — the difficulty of a trail, the views you may see, potential hazards, and native wildlife.
3. Check the weather: Temperature and precipitation will affect what gear you need.4. Have a plan: Know the trail and at what point you will turn around.5. Bring a friend and leave a note: Never go alone, and always let someone know
where you are going and leave him or her a note with your plan.
SAFETY SPOTLIGHT
Things to bring: water, flashlight, knife, first-aid kit, watch, matches, several layers of clothes, rain gear, bright clothes (hunters are out there), whistle, mirror (for signaling), and space blanket.
Things to keep in mind: short days with early sunsets, your own physical abilities, the far distance to medical care, hunters in the area, and unpredictable weather.
Have questions about my hike, planning one of your own, or the We n a h a –Tu c a n n o n Wilderness in general? Email me at [email protected].
As promised, here is this week’s
wellness tip. Even with cold weather, keep drinking water. Although needs vary, women
need roughly 2.2 liters each day, while men need about 3.
Source: mayoclinic.com.
Cliché Cache //Timothy BarbosaLocal Attractions Editor
For all you young romantics out there, this week we’re going to be exploring how to reach some of a relationship’s necessary milestones in terms of dates. Things like stargazing and a picnic in the park are pretty much entirely up to you, but what are you going to do when you’re trying to take that special someone rollerblading on couple’s night without any knowledge of what’s around? Well, I’m here to solve that problem (if you’re opposed to using Google for a few minutes, that is).
Sweet PutIf you’ve been in a relationship for over
three months and you haven’t gone mini-
golfing yet, you are simply not fulfilling your quota for cheese and your significant other is probably disappointed in you. Luckily for you, the Sweet Putt, lovingly named in reference to the native sweet onion, offers redemption. What’s that you say? It’s getting frigid and you don’t want to saunter around on fuzzy, plastic grass for fun? Well it’s time you use a bit of logic, because even if your date has significantly better form than you, you still have a reason to hold them: survival. Also, there’s an indoor course.
YWCA Ice ChaletIf you have an affinity towards the cold any-
way, or just an aversion to windmills, ice skat-
ing might be for you. The Ice Chalet is part of the YWCA in downtown Walla Walla and has been a local fixture of fun and good times for over 45 years. Not only will you find your-self twirling around the ice with exhilaration and an obvious lack of coordina-tion, you’ll en-joy the couple’s skate time that isn’t scheduled but always seems to pop up. The rink offers fun theme days such as country skate, New Year’s disco skate, ugly Hawaiian shirt skate, and, of course, Valentine’s skate. There’s a time for any kind of couple, even the penny pinchers! About twice a month the Ice Chalet has days for cheap skates.
Ice-BergTo top it all off, every couple in the Walla
Walla area should enjoy sharing at least one Walla Walla Ice-Berg milkshake. The Ice-Berg is a local fixture, dedicated to slow-but-delicious service. Plastered on their products and signs is a boastful,
yet accurate claim, “Experience a Legend.”
Walla Walla may convince you at times that it’s a cutting-edge town offering progressive activities and fresh new cuisine, but the aged heart of small-town America is not only present but, I would say,
predominant. Creativity has its place, but why work so hard when society has set out some pretty stellar first dates for us already? We have an opportunity that many don’t — a chance to be cheesy and classic at the same time. Enjoy Walla Walla.
photo by whitezine.com
Weekly Wellness Tip
L I F ESCIENCE/SPORTS | 15
How big of a trampoline would you need to jump into orbit?
— Philip Duclos Any size you like! Unless, of course, you
want to live.
It takes a lot of energy to get into space, and if you deliver that energy over a short time interval, our intrepid astronaut is going to die. It takes the same energy to get from 0 to 60 mph as it does to get from 60 to 0, but while accelerating over five seconds will prove a fast car, decelerating in 0.001 seconds via hitting a wall will leave you a pile of mush. We could make a normal-sized trampoline with super strong springs and you’d get to orbit, but all your organs would be packed into small piles in your feet.
The trick, it seems, is to not kill you. The way to do this is to spread out the energy transfer over a long distance. Let’s assume that we can find massless springs strong enough for whatever we want, that air resistance doesn’t matter, that the earth’s rotation doesn’t mess anything up, and that we can dig as deep as we want without hitting lava (all typical, but very wrong, engineering assumptions).
I used energy conservation to see how many springs of a certain strength you would need for a given orbit and then put that result into an equation for the maximum force the jumper/rider feels. This part is tricky because gravity gets weaker as you dig down. Since gravity only cares about the mass underneath you, gravity gets weaker as you go deeper. It also gets weaker as you go above the surface of the earth, so gravity is always strongest at the surface. Weird, huh?
So, I did the math to see how deep you have to dig so that you don’t turn into a pancake on the way up. If you are willing to endure three g’s, you and your space suit weigh 100 kg, and you want to orbit at 200 km, you have to dig down 1,072 miles. Wolfram Alpha helpfully tells me that this is about 1.1 times the distance the Proclaimers would walk just to be the man who walks a thousand miles to fall down at your door,
or about 13 percent of the way to the other side of the earth. In real life, you’d be in the lower mantle, which is 4,000 degrees Celsius, so you’re going to be toasty. Of far greater danger to you than the 4,000-degree temperature, blatantly wrong assumptions, and space slingshot is the Balrog you’re bound to find.
I figured out how big the trampoline would have to be if it only sinks down 30 degrees, and, well, it’s 3,713 miles across. Wolfram helpfully tells me this is 0.9 the length of the Nile, or 0.94 of Earth’s radius. So yes, it’s big. This is what it would look like from space:
Looks suspiciously like the Death Star to me. ...
All right, so we have our orbit trampoline, but what if we want to come back down? What if we don’t care about orbit? Well, it’s a slightly more sane answer, sadly. Space officially starts 100 km up, and to get there you’d need to dig down a mere 31.7 miles, which is a little longer than a marathon race but 1.5 times the thickness of earth’s crust, so you’re still going to be toasty. Your trampoline is going to be 110 miles across, which is more do-able, but would still stretch from Walla Walla to Spokane.
That last paragraph was far too sane, so let’s jump to the moon! Since the moon is about 375,000 km away, we’ll need a pit 2,202 miles deep, or about halfway to the center of the earth. Our trampoline is now 7,627 miles across, which is 0.96 of earth’s diameter. From space, you’d only be able to see a tiny sliver of earth on the edges of the trampoline. On the plus side, if you wanted to jump back to earth you wouldn’t have to worry about missing the trampoline. Safe travels, friends!
joe hughesScience & Tech Editor
Trampoline to Space! //
I don’t know about you guys, but I find that one of the most exciting sports to watch is Division I college basketball. My dad grew up in the great Northwest all his life and finished his schooling career at Gonzaga University. For this reason, my family is a huge fan of the school’s programs, especially its sports. A month and two days ago was Midnight Madness, which is the annual mid-October event that kicks off the college basketball season, involving over 24 straight hours of broadcasted basketball. I think that’s pretty exciting.
You might care about the NFL, MLB, the NHL, the NBA, or even the PGA; but in my mind, college sports are in another category by themselves. College basketball is the epitome of fun. College football is riveting and exciting. These players put their heart and soul into what they love without getting paid, and one of the best aspects is the other students who back them up day and night, 24/7. We have a right and responsibility to be there for our teams. They need our support.
For a few years now, I’ve paid close attention to these sports. What I’ve come to find is that being a fan of college sports involves adrenaline, loyalty, extreme happiness, and, sometimes, extreme sadness. But it’s the idea of it all that makes us come back. The idea
of people, kids just like us, being put into the limelight. We have the luxury here at Walla Walla University of being close to our athletes. We can have close friendships with them easily, but when you’re at a school with 100,000 students, seeing a players on the basketball team is like seeing a famous actor — they basically have to hide themselves on campus daily because student fans always swarm them. I believe that the opportunity we have to befriend our on-campus athletes is a great attribute to this campus that not many others get to experience.
This winter, you can pay attention to whichever school sports you want. I know fans of schools from Kansas to UCLA, Marquette to WSU, and many other schools who would proverbially kill for their team, skip class to watch the BCS Championship, and go crazy during March Madness. But, remember that we have an obligation here, for our athletes, to go and support them. We are part of the Wolfpack. Let’s turn it up this year for our teams. Show up to the games, wear that bright orange and green, and make some noise, because they deserve it. Go Wolves.
Grayson AndreggSports Editor
College Ball //
1. University of Kentucky
2. Michigan State
3. Louisville
4. Duke
5. Kansas
6. Arizona
7. Michigan
8. Oklahoma State
Power rankings
photo by kusports.com
9. Syracuse
10. Ohio State
11. Florida
12. North Carolina
13. Memphis
14. Virginia Commonwealth
15. Gonzaga
NCAA Men’s Basketball Top-15 Rankings
Week 2 Source: ESPN.com.
wordback
v e r b at i mWhere is the most awkward
place you’ve been hit on?
RachelL o g a nBackWord Editor
When I was in the fifth grade I wanted to be President of the United States. It was a passing phase (like my Lisa Frank binders and my obsession with Lizzie McGuire), but at the time I was determined. We were learning about Susan B. Anthony in history class and the thought suddenly came to me: “I could be president!” I could already see it in my mind: Me, dressing up like Jackie O. and inspiring women. Me, changing the world — rewriting history! Me, Rachel Erin Logan, the first woman president. It had a nice ring to it. Move over, Hillary!
As a young girl I dreamed of life in the Oval Office, and now as a young woman my dreams look different. I’m an English major who spends my days writing essays and FaceTiming my boyfriend in Lebanon. I’d rather study in a dress
than in jeans. I prefer my blonde locks to my naturally brown ones. And ever since I realized who feminists really were in the 11th grade, I noticed that nobody took me seriously as one.
In school, I learned the definition of feminism meant equal rights for men and for women, but it didn’t take long for me to feel first-hand where I fit in as a lipstick-wearing, heel-strutting, marriage-orientated feminist: nowhere. I’d been told that feminism meant unlimited options for women, but what I observed was a completely different story. Feminists wanted to work 60-hour weeks and aimed for CEO positions. Feminists did not want to be housewives.
I am sick of the stereotype that feminists have to be bra-burning, men-hating gorillas. Don’t get me wrong; if you want to burn your bra, then you go right ahead (but preferably after you’ve taken it off). Let your armpit hair grow wild, don’t shave your legs, and go picket against Abercrombie
and Fitch because they use women’s bodies to sell their clothes — go for it. As a woman living in 2013, and as a human being, you have every right to do that. Here’s the deal, though: That right goes both ways. If I want to dress up and flaunt my curves for a man, so what? Who cares if I let my boyfriend carry my bags or open a door for me? It doesn’t mean that I can’t carry my own bags or open my own door — it probably means that I’m lazy and he’s a gentleman. And you know what? Sometimes I open the door for him — that’s feminism. Equality.
When we restrict feminism to such a narrow definition we are discrediting all the work that was achieved by the first feminists. Feminists don’t just come in Sarah Palin power suits; we also come in Calvin Klein, Michael Kors, and Coco Chanel. Some of us dream of owning businesses and some of us dream of raising a family. The definition of feminism isn’t “equality for men and
women, but only if you act like a man.” Feminism means equal opportunities and choices.
Why are we taking all the choices 21st-century feminism grants women and then turning around and telling women that they need to choose from a select few? Even worse than the social pressure placed on women to “conquer Wall Street” is the reaction women receive who dare defy traditional feminism. “You don’t want a career? You’d rather stay at home? But why?” Suddenly these women are housewives and antifeminists — all in one fatal blow, not even feminism wants to claim them.
I’ve dedicated my column this week to this not-so-funny topic because I want you to understand my humor as I write my column this year. Just because I’m blonde does not mean I’m stupid and just because I choose not to participate in no-shave November does not mean I’m an antifeminist. It means that I think leg hair is gross.
“Last weekend I gave a survey to a guy about under-aged drinking — while he was filling it out I realized that he was both drunk and under-aged. At the bot-tom of the survey he wrote his name and number.”
— Megan Davis, junior, social work
“My friend’s aunt hit on me … at his graduation party.”
— Luis Navarro, junior, social work
“Once when I went to Taco Bell a man carrying a bottle of rum followed me from the parking lot inside the lobby. He was harassing me so much that the Taco Bell employees had to call the police.”
— Blake Zirkle, junior, elementary education
“One time a girl was talking to me at the soccer field and in the middle of our con-versation my friend ran by and de-panted me.”
— Kevin Nateras, senior, forensic psychology
"The good Lord gave us the middle finger and he expects us to use it." — Ron Joliffe, on Renaissance baby painting
"I just found out that one rapper everyone loves is dead. What's his name again? Pitbull?" — Ali Reiner, on the death of Tupac Shakur
“I survived being the youngest of six boys by being a screw off and a smart mouth. Then I'd run.”
— Dan Lamberton
“We understand her, but not everybody understands; some people are dumb.” — Kellie Bond, on understanding Virginia Woolf
“It makes me fart. Continuously.” — Eric Weber, on cheese
Have something funny to report?Email me at: [email protected].
c o n f e s s i o n“My parents were worried about
me getting a gay roommate [in college]. I wasn’t, because I’m the gay roommate.”
Sincerely, Comfortably in the Closet
We have a new, better way to submit anonymous confessions. Type: wwuconfessions.tumblr.com into your browser and click the Ask Me
Anything button at the top.
Reality Check //
