Vol. 11, Issue 4

December 2, 2011

(National Mutt Day)

Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006

On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com

2

Quote of the

Week

Vol. 11, Issue 4

Something to read in class today

R A M D I C U L O U S P A G E P O L I C Y Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or favorite violent acts via our email, page@ramdiculous.com, or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. Also, never wear spandex during a polar bear swim. Trust us.

Top Editor

Bryce J. Parsons

Sexy Spartan Queen

Christine Boswell

Artists and Writers

The Usual Ramdiculists & Goons

We are the champions

My friends

“This is

CAKE

TOWN!”

-Leonidas,

300: The

PG edition

Editor’s Note: This story has exactly one error. See if you can find it! Answers are at the end.

So there I was last week,

taking my girlfriend out to

Shakey’s. We were eating

some pizza and rojos, when

all of a sudden the waitress

asked us what we wanted to

drink.

“I was thinking about

ordering a pitcher of Crystal

Pepsi,” I said.

“Blasphemy!” my girl-

friend exclaimed. “You

should totally order a pitch-

er of Surge.”

“What does it matter?” I

asked as I looked up at the

framed decorative movie

poster on the wall for the hit

classic movie Rocketeer 2: The Wind Beneath My Wings.

“I don’t know if this rela-

tionship is going to work

out,” she snarled. “See you

later.”

And with that, she left

me sitting there all by my-

self with the befuddled

waitress.

Now, you might won-

der why we had such a

flare up.

It’s actually quite stu-

pid, in hindsight. The

previous week, we were

at my house watching a

Montreal Expos game on

the DuMont TV network,

when she suddenly de-

clared that she wanted to

go home and catch the

eighth season premiere of

Joey on NBC.

“Whatever for?” I

asked. “The show stopped

being funny after the

fifth season.”

“I still think that Matt

LeBlanc is the best actor

ever,” she sighed. “I

mean, he won six consec-

utive Emmys starting in

2005.”

“Yes, but he just

doesn’t have the same

gravitas as Matthew Perry

on Studio 60 on the Sun-set Strip.”

Answer: At the beginning of

the story, the waitress gives

them drinks after giving them

food. This is false. Restaurants

NEVER serve entrees before

beverages.

“Whatever,” she said.

And she didn’t talk to me

for the rest of the evening.

So I think that’s why she

chose to leave me alone at

Shakey’s. She couldn’t han-

dle the fact that I preferred

the Expos to the acting of

Matt LeBlanc, who is still a

household name to this

very day.

However, it worked out

for the best. Turns out that

the gorgeous redhead who

waited on me at Shakey’s

was also an Expos fan, and

she even voted for Presi-

dent Ralph Nader in 2004.

So I guess it all worked

out for the best. We’ll be

going to Baker Street Coffee

House on a date on Friday.

Wish me luck!

-Top Editor

Can you spot the error in the story? Betcha can’t.

3

Legendary Ram of the Week: Pierce Holt Everyone remembers Pierce Holt. But in case you don’t: Pierce Holt was a

guy who played football for the Angelo State Rams back in the 1980s, and subsequently became a defensive lineman for the San Francisco 49ers.

I’m sure Pierce Holt is a very nice guy in real life. I’ve never met him, but I have met someone else who has met him. I think.

Anyway, I do have one beef with Pierce Holt: back in the day when I played Tecmo Super Bowl on my cousin’s NES, Pierce’s little digital avatar would always thwart my plans for winning the game.

“Curses!” I would yell, before going into the kitchen for some pumpkin pie, because I always played my cousin’s NES right around Thanksgiving or Christmas, and my family always had pumpkin pie.

Anyway, kudos to Mr. Holt. He had to have been a heckuva defensive lineman to thwart my every play, and like I said, he’s probably a nice fellow in real life. Which makes him Ram of the Week.

I’m more of a baseball fan, though. But that’s completely unrelated.

Tecmo Super Bowl (dramatization)

Monday, December 5, 2011

MWF/MW/M 8:00 a.m. classes 8:00 a.m. - 10:00 a.m.

MWF/MW/M 10:00 a.m. classes 10:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.

MWF/MW/M 12:00 noon classes 1:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.

MW/M/W 12:30 p.m. classes 1:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m. MW 1:30 p.m. classes 3:30 p.m. - 5:30 p.m.

MWF/MW /M 2:00 p.m. classes 3:30 p.m. - 5:30 p.m.

MWF/M/F 4:00 p.m. classes 6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

MW/M 6:00 p.m. classes 8:00 p.m. - 10:00 p.m.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

TR 8:00 a.m. classes 8:00 a.m. - 10:00 a.m.

T/TR 10:00 a.m. classes 10:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m. TR/T/R 11:00 a.m. classes 10:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.

TR/T 1:00 p.m. classes 1:00 p.m. -3:00 p.m.

TR/T/R 2:00 p.m. classes 1:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.

TR/T /R 3:00 p.m. classes 4:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m.

TR/T 5:00 p.m. classes 6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

TR/T 6:00 p.m. classes 6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

MWF/MW 9:00 a.m. classes 8:00 a.m. - 10:00 a.m.

MWF/MW 11:00 a.m. classes 10:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.

MWF/MW 1:00 p.m. classes 1:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.

MWF/MW/W 3:00 p.m. classes 3:30 p.m. - 5:30 p.m.

MWF/MW/M 5:00 p.m. classes 6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

W 6:00 p.m. classes 8:00 p.m. - 10:00 p.m.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

TR/T 9:30 a.m. classes 8:00 a.m. - 10:00 a.m.

TR/R 12:30 p.m. classes 10:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.

T/R 1:30 p.m. classes 1:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.

TR/R 3:30 p.m. classes 3:30 p.m. - 5:30 p.m.

T/TR 4:00 p.m. classes 5:00 p.m. - 7:00 p.m.

T/TR 5:30 p.m. classes 5:30 p.m - 7:30 p.m. R 6:00 p.m. classes 6:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

TR 7:30 p.m. classes 7:30 p.m. - 9:30 p.m.

Pocket Schedule for Finals Week

Enjoy, you Ramdiculites. (Cut-outable!)

the

in

cre

dib

le q

ue

sti

on

4

I am a Spartan By Miss C. Boz

I am a Spartan

I fight and I race

I jump over walls

With agility and grace

I do this for me

To appease my inner dignity

I run with great pride

It makes me stay healthy and

alive

The races are tough

They make me blister and

bleed

They require great strength

Agility and Speed

I am a Spartan

A Spartan Chick at that

This race is my life

Can you compete with that?

Poetry Time.

Write or draw for us!

Contact us at:

page@ramdiculous.com

(P.S. For every article you

write that gets published,

you get a $5 gift card.

Who says no to money?)

Who’s This? Send us your

answer! Facebook.com/

ramdiculous Last answer: Butters Stotch

(Marcus and Jessica got it right)

Difficulty: 66 (Hard)

RAMDICULOUS

SUDOKU Difficulty: 1 (Easy)

PICTURE OF THE WEEK

Christine “Kit” Boswell and Jennifer Rystrom are seen pre-

race, playing pretend with an imaginary Spartan officiator.

5

ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the

Ramdiculous Page, please contact us at ads@ramdiculous.com

Advertising Guidelines

1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 1:00pm the Tuesday be-

fore publication.

2. Ads will be received only if they are complete. The Ramdicu-

lous Page will not create any ads.

3. Ad size will not exceed one-quarter of a page.

4. Organizations/events may have more than one ad, but no

organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of

a page in ad space.

The Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-campus event

except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable

nature. This includes but is not limited to:

Alcohol

drugs

tobacco

illegal activities

*Exceptions to this rule will be determined by the staff of the

Ramdiculous Page

Top Ten

WARRIORS 10.) Karl von Clauswitz

9.) Sun Tsu

8.) Leonidas

7.) Hercules

6.) Chuck Yeager

5.) Patty Smyth & Scandal

4.) Puff Daddy

3.) Hobbie Call

2.) Chuck Norris

1.) Xena: Warrior Princess

April Fool’s Day sucks a lot By Robert Thompson

Even the existence of a “7

a.m.” is heresy to the commit-

ted night owl, having to wake

up at 7 after three or four

hours of sleep is nauseating

beyond words.

The simple solution of just

going to sleep earlier is, to me,

akin to telling a gay person to

be straight. I was born noctur-

nal, the night is when I do my

best work, and no, that is not

an innuendo…

Giggity,

So I roll out of bed and stag-

ger towards my computer.

Facebook addiction will surely

be considered the bane of our

time. But what do I see? John

Smith has changed his rela-

tionship status to single and

he’s not the only one. Epipha-

ny! It’s April Fool’s Day, the

only day of the year when Laconic Trope of the Day

Punctuated! For! Emphasis!

TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.

“Speaking a line with great

emphasis on each word.”

By Thomas Nast

ENDOR—Speculators say that

the destruction of the Empire’s

new Death Star has caused steel

prices to skyrocket.

Unemployment rates are also

high among stormtroopers, who

are now out of work because of

the Empire’s collapse.

“Che qoueta yubyub,” Wicket

the Ewok said in a statement.

“Yeah, well, eff you,” a former

stormtrooper said in response.

Galactic Empire faces

economic downturn otherwise intelligent adults

are allowed to behave badly.

Worse still, the best most of

us can come up with is a

changed relationship status.

It’s gotten to where no one

believes anything they hear in

the days immediately before

and after it.

Please, if you are going to

mess with your friends and

families, go the extra mile and

cause serious stress. Fake

blood and bandages are cheap

and readily available.

At any given moment, we

all have one pregnant friend

who would be happy to help

us torture our families. Imitat-

ing a police officer can also be

loads of fun, discrete inquiries

about a possible violation of

Texas Penal Code - Section

48.02 sounds scary enough

before they Google it and find

out that’s the law prohibiting

the purchase and sale of hu-

man organs.

When will we learn that

messing with people isn’t a

day, it’s a state of mind?

Robert Thompson is our Holi-days Editor. He’s really jolly.

Word of the Day:

absquatulate (v.): 1.) (intransitive) To leave quickly

or in a hurry; to take oneself off; to decamp; to de-

part. 2.) (transitive) To cause to absquatulate. 3.)

(intransitive) To die.

Example usage: “You need to absquatulate!” -

Christine Boswell, who probably doesn’t know what

the crap the word even means.

(From Wiktionary)

6

Moral: Christine Boswell is really annoying.

When it came time to put together this week’s paper, Ramdiculous Vice-

President (and my good friend) Christine Boswell wanted to help out.

I said yes.

What followed was an hour and a half of her driving me bonkers, with

her poking me, sticking her hands in my hair, and insisting that every-

thing in the issue be “Spartan” for some reason.

Oh, and she kept talking about her new haircut. Like, a LOT.