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2 November 2012FOREVER YOUNGVOLUSIA CountyHOMETOWN NEWS

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3FOREVER YOUNG VOLUSIA CountyHOMETOWN NEWS

November 2012

Published monthly by Hometown News, L.C., 5059 Turnpike Feeder Road, Fort Pierce, FL 34951Copyright © 2012, Hometown News , L.C.

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Family responsibilities cansometimes be difficult and evenmore so when you find yourself

caring for both a parent and a child atthe same time, often in your home.

Members of the sandwichgeneration probably need the net-working help of modern society morethan anyone. Fortunately there areoutlets for them. In past years, suchhelp would come from their churchand their community, but now theyalso can turn to social networks onthe Internet to find assistance.

As Americans have become moremobile and families get spread acrossthe country, a strong support networkis more important than ever.

Granted, it comes down tothemselves in the end, but babyboomers who find themselvessandwiched in by their responsibili-ties can find the help they need to

cope.In this issue of Forever Young,

correspondent Erika Webb takes alook at the challenges faced by thesandwich generation and how theyare handling it. Dr. Michael Flota, anassociate professor of sociology atDaytona State College, providesprofessional expertise on how thesandwich generation came into beingand provides insight into the issue. Asalways, our venerable Dan Smithprovides a slightly different take onthe situation while columnist SusanYoung adds some thoughts on theholidays and families in modernsociety.

Caught in a bindINTRODUCTIONCECIL G. BRUMLEY

ASSOCIATEMANAGING EDITOR

ON THE COVER

Randy Barber/staff photographerFrom left, Marcelle Demers, Karson Latchaw, 9;Kassidy Latchaw, 10; and Diane Herring posefor a family portrait at Mrs. Herring’s home.

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During a recent conversation withher sister, Diane Herring heard theterm “sandwich generation” for thefirst time. She said at the time she wastoo distraught over the conversationat hand – her mother’s increasing for-getfulness – to inquire about thephrase. But eventually she wentonline and looked it up.

“That’s me.” she said. According to the about.com Grand-

parents Guide, the sandwich genera-tion includes those who are simulta-neously caring for parents andchildren. The term was coined bysocial worker Dorothy Miller in 1981to describe women in their 30s and40s “sandwiched” between their kids,mates, aging parents and employers.The circle has since widened, encom-

passing more and more adults, manyof whom are part of the baby boomergeneration.

“Members of the sandwich genera-tion face difficulties in allocating timeand money and often describe them-selves as being pulled in two direc-tions,” the website reported. “Emo-tional difficulties, especiallydepression, and marriage conflicts arecommon problems for those in thissituation.”

Ms. Herring said her mother’s “for-getfulness” became increasinglyapparent after the 2007 tornadoesthat raged through Lake and VolusiaCounties. Her mother lived in one ofthe hardest hit areas of DeLand at thetime. She was in her home when theroof blew off and the house was com-pletely destroyed.

“She sat on my couch for a monthafter that. She wouldn’t eat or any-thing,” Ms. Herring said.

It started with forgetting names andlosing car keys. Over time the condi-tion has advanced to the point where,recently, her mother’s boss called Ms.Herring to express concern becauseshe started showing up at work on herdays off.

“I used to be able to call her once tosay, ‘Come on over,’” Ms. Herring said.Now, if she’s supposed to be here atthree, I have to call her at nine, noonand 2:30. And when her car was in theshop, she kept asking where it was.”

Ms. Herring and her husband, Jeff,have six children between them, rang-ing in age from nine to 22. With hertrademark wry humor, Ms. Herringadded there’s another “child,” who’s76.

“I laugh about it, and occasionally Icry. We could cry about it all the timebut we choose to laugh more,” shesaid.

Like over the purse and the trash.

Ms. Herring said after her motherbegan losing her keys, she noticed hermom had a new purse.

“We were at a restaurant and I said,‘Mom, you got a new purse.’ It hadzippered compartments everywhereand she started looking for herkeys…zip, zip, zip, zip,” Ms. Herringsaid laughing. “She couldn’t havebought a worse purse.”

She said her mother will bring hertrash to Ms. Herring’s house for dis-posal because she thinks her neigh-bors are going through it.

“I won’t even know she’s here. I’lljust see taillights leaving the drivewayand I’ll go look in the garbage can.There’s her trash,” Ms. Herring said.

At this point her mom can still driveand live on her own. But Ms. Herringis preparing. She said she knows thetime is fast approaching when she’llhave to get a power of attorney in

Pressing needs slam sandwich generation

See SANDWICH, 5

By Erika WebbFor Hometown News

Marcelle Demers brushersthe hair of her granddaugh-ter, Kassidy Latchaw, whileher daughter, Diane Her-ring, does dishes. In thebest situation for the sand-wich generation, all mem-bers of the family can stillhelp each other. In the mostdifficult situation, a babyboomer will have to pro-vide most of the care for achildren and parent.

Randy Barber/staf f photographer

Many baby boomers find themselves having to provide financial and emotional help for children and parents


November 2012

SANDWICH ASSISTANCE

Six suggestions for thepotentially sandwiched.

1. See it coming2. Find a financial advi-

sor — now3. Attend to important

paperwork, such as wills4. Talk to older parents

to help them and you pre-pare for the future

5. Ask older children tohelp in practical ways

6. Balance short-termexpenses with long-termgoals. In other words,reduce impulse spendingand anything that may beconsidered an extra con-venience or luxury inorder to save for thenecessities associatedwith supporting lovedones on either end of thespectrum.

order to oversee her mother’s personalaffairs.

“I’m just starting to help with finances.I just got my name on the account. Someplaces I call (on her mother’s behalf) arereceptive to the whole dementia thing,but some aren’t and they won’t talk tome.”

Ms. Herring said her family keeps hergrounded and her job, working three 12-hour shifts weekly in the emergencyroom at Florida Hospital, keeps her level.

“It’s not a choice in the morning. I haveto get up because I have people depend-ing on me,” she said. “I don’t know howto do this. I am just doing it. Becausethere’s no book, and I’m sure everybody’sdifferent, I’m just learning as I go.”

Pragmatism, humor, exercise, refusalto indulge in self-pity and “that nightlyglass of wine” are some of Ms. Herring’s“saving graces”.

With each new symptom of her mom’sdementia Ms. Herring implements

another part of the plan. For now, it’smaking regular phone calls to check in.

“I’m starting to realize it’s going to be adaily thing. When I get up in the morn-ing, it’ll have to be part of the routine:Get the kids ready for school, call mom.It could be so much worse,” she said.

Then there are the phone scammers tododge.

“Someone called her the other day andtold her she hit their car and she owedthem $300. Luckily she called me, but Iwonder how many times someone hasn’tbeen there in a situation like this to catchit.”

Msn.com explained that a sour econo-my has exacerbated the squeeze on the“sandwich generation”.

Mary Hurley was minding her busi-ness, working on her master’s in coun-selor education and being a mom tothree girls, one in middle school and twoin high school — bound for college —when her mother was in a car accident.Things unraveled from there. Ms. Hurleydiscovered her mother’s financial situa-tion had eroded, she was on the verge ofbeing homeless, and needed help fast.

Just prior to the economic downturn,Ms. Hurley purchased a small home inNew Smyrna Beach with plans of enjoy-ing long weekends and summer breaksthere. She also figured it would be a goodinvestment for down the road.

Her mother’s circumstances turnedher compass upside down. “It was morethe unexpected factor, something I’dnever planned for,” she said. “It just feltso surreal. That’s your parent. You gothrough a lot of emotions –— guilty, thenangry for feeling guilty, and then sad.”

She said she had to process the emo-tional part and then get to a solution.First, she moved her mother into theNew Smyrna Beach house.

“With children, you know they’re yourdependents. This wasn’t in my masterplan. I had to reevaluate everything,mainly my attitude,” Ms. Hurley said.

Like many others, her mother lostmoney in the stock market. Medical billsfrom the accident added insult to injuryand everything snowballed. Her motherbecame helpless seemingly overnight.

“I wanted to reprimand her and ask,

SandwichFrom page 4

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Dr. Michael Flota is an associateprofessor of sociology at DaytonaState College. He is the author (withJohn E. Farley) of “Sociology, 6th edi-tion.” Dr. Flota serves as the Manag-ing Editor of the “Journal of FloridaStudies” and is the Director of theCenter for Interdisciplinary Writingand Research.

Q. The term sandwich generation,coined in 1981, refers to a segment ofthe middle-aged population that pro-vides support to both younger andolder family members. It’s a phenome-non that has affected a large numberof baby boomers. How did this phe-nomenon come to exist?

A. Primarily two unrelated trendshave caused this situation. First, the

increased life expectancy of olderAmericans is not always combinedwith an increase in health, meaningthat while we are living longer, not allof those years are healthy years,requiring care from loved ones, oftenadult children. While a good deal ofthis care may happen outside of thecaregiver’s home, it is not uncommonfor elderly parents to move into thehome of their adult children.

Second, starting in the 1970s, chil-dren began to stay at home longerbefore “leaving the nest,” so to speak.Some of this is simply a shift in cultur-al values, but it also reflects the five-tosix year matriculation through “four-year” college degrees, an increasedfocus on advanced education, thepostponement of marriage comparedto years past, and increased cost ofhousing that either delays the depar-ture from, or causes adult children toreturn to, the home of their parents.

Q. In your work have you had anopportunity to talk with any membersof this segment? If so, how do you findthem to be coping emotionally?

A. First of all, the good news is thevast majority of those involved in the“sandwich generation” experiencemostly positive experiences in thecare they give to their parents andchildren. Most researchers of thetopic believe the media has over-hyped the problems associated withbeing caught between these two care-giving roles. So, the best news thatresearch can report is the life-affirm-ing emotional aspects of being part ofthe “sandwich generation.”

Having said that, there are manystudies that document the emotionaltoll this dual care giving role can placeon the caregivers. Young adults con-tinuing to live at home are a signifi-

cant factor in parental dissatisfactionwith their own lives. One reason forthis is it disrupts the normal refocusmany middle aged couples have ontheir own relationships. During acouple’s early years (in their 20s and


Dr. Michael Flota

Sociologist serves side of hope to sandwiched

See HOPE, 8

By Erika WebbFor Hometown News

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‘Why weren’t you more responsible?’But, at that point, it doesn’t matteranymore,” Ms. Hurley said.

“Seniors are struggling to cope withrising medical and long-term careexpenses just as their investmentportfolios and home values areshrinking, and their middle-aged chil-dren sometimes need to pitch in.Those same children, who breathed asigh of relief when the college tuitionbills for their own offspring finallyended, may also be fielding requestsfor help from the kids — or even aboomerang brood on their doorstep,”according to the msn.com report.

With three teenagers in her primaryresidence, her mother in her secondhome, her own schooling and bills toattend to, Ms. Hurley knew she had tofind ways to cope emotionally first.

“I have book knowledge and it’shelped me, but, at the end of the day,I’m a daughter, and taking care of her

was an unexpected role,” she said.“Running, talking to people and grati-tude are what got me through.” Ms.Hurley, who managed to complete theNew York Marathon in 2011, took her“therapy” seriously.

And, as often happens after a crisissettles, she’s able to look back and seethe lessons learned.

“I can honestly say it’s been good formy kids to see. Our society has lostrespect for the elderly. My grand-mother took care of my great-grand-mother ’til my great-grandmother was103. My mom took care of my grand-mother, and now, after seeing twogenerations of it, I’m doing it. Thatpattern has gotten lost in society. I’mgrateful I was raised like that,” Ms.Hurley said.

“We’re going to see more of this,”she said. “With people 55 to 70 losingretirement plans, those in their 30swill have to plan accordingly.”

Members of the sandwich genera-tion, face household fiscal strainsunlike any other time in history, oftenwith the obligation to support their

parents as they age and their childrenas they enter college, with one eye ontheir own retirement funds, accordingto Reuters.

“The overarching problem is so badthat some politicians, while perhapslacking a battle plan, at least want toraise awareness. In Michigan, Gov.Rick Snyder proclaimed July 2012 asSandwich Generation Month,”Reuters reported.

Nearly every article on the subjectinsists the “sandwiched” must putthemselves first, not succumb to guiltand martyrdom, not raid their ownsavings to put kids through college orfinancially support parents. Utilizingstudent loans and painstakinglyuncovering available resources — andthey are out there — for any addition-al help are the keys to avoiding com-plete emotional and financial deple-tion.

Ms. Hurley continues to help hermother financially. She now rents outthe beach house and her mother hasmoved back to the Melbourne areawhere she lived prior to her accident.

“My mom is very sweet, a very com-passionate person, and she’s been agreat grandmother,” Ms. Hurley said.“I’m fortunate that she still has hermental faculties. I’ve had to do whatI’ve had to do. I didn’t want to feel bit-ter. I want to just love my mom.”

Ms. Herring’s 22 year-old daughter,Kayla Vermillion, listened quietly asher mom described their situation,occasionally erupting into laughter atMs. Herring’s quick wit.

“A lot of it is who you are,” Ms. Her-ring said. “But so much of it is realiz-ing so many people have it so muchworse. We’re all alive.”

“We love each other,” Ms. Vermillionsaid.

SandwichFrom page 5

“I wanted to reprimand her and ask, ‘Why weren’t you moreresponsible?’ But at that point, it doesn’t matter.”

Mary HurleyMember, Sandwich Generation

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November 2012

30s) focus is often on career andchildren, but by the time a coupleenters their 40s they often begin toshift their attention back to their rela-tionship. While sometimes thismeans the couple discovers they areno longer as compatible as they oncewere and the marriage ends, it oftenmeans they have a renewal of vigor intheir commitment to one another.Having an adult child in the home is adisruption to this pattern and oftencauses frustration.

Similarly, research indicates thedilemmas faced by adult children car-ing for elderly parents are just as emo-tionally impactful. First, just as it canbe stressful to the aging parent to suf-fer physical decline, it can be stress-ful for children to see their parentsdecline in health. Of course, elderlyparents that are vibrant and full of lifecan have the opposite effect, but they

are less likely to require as much caregiving. Once the decision has beenmade to become a caregiver, adultchildren wrestle with a myriad ofissues, such as: how to divide care giv-ing among siblings; how to balance itwith other outside or familial com-mitments; when to take over the deci-sion for their parents and which onesto take over, not to mention trying tomaintain a sense of autonomy for anaging parent, even if the adult child ishaving to take some of the autonomyaway. All of these contribute greatlyto stress for the caregivers. All of thistends to be greater for women as theyare typically the ones in the family towhom such care on either end of the“sandwich” falls to. One study foundthat 33.1 percent of American womenbetween the ages of 45 and 56 are pro-viding some form of “significant care”to both a child and a parent.

On the other hand, it is not unusualfor those caring for dependent chil-dren and aging parents to report anincrease in their sense of purpose or a

connectedness to the “meaning oflife.” They may find they are allowedan opportunity to get to know theiradult child or elderly parent as anequal in a way that was not possiblepreviously. Sometimes the relation-ship between all three generationscan be strengthened in a way thatmight not have been otherwise possi-ble.

Q. What about financially?

A. There can be a tremendous finan-cial crunch from having to care forchildren and parents simultaneously.Some families are simply unable tofully contribute all the resources theywould like to such dual care becauseof the economic strain it places on thefamily. Financial issues are alreadyone of the leading causes of maritalstress, regardless of income level. Addto that the dual crunch of child andparent care giving and the strain canbe unsustainable. It can drive somerelationships apart or ruin that

between caregiver and the cared for. However, one bright financial spot

can occur if both parent and child livein the caregiver’s home. Often grand-parents contribute greatly to the childcare of their grandchildren when theylive in the home of their adult chil-dren. This pattern has begun toresemble the extended families of ear-lier decades, and in many casesresearch indicates families often feelthe positive effects such extendedfamilies provided in the past.

Another benefit of having an elderlyparent live in the home of their care-giving adult children is the elderlyparent can give a life time worth ofadvice on financial and other matters.They can help around the house pro-vided they are physically able. Thecare giving that goes on between eld-erly parent and adult child is often atwo-way street.

A final trend we might note is whatgerontologist Neal Cutler calls the

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“senior sandwich generation” inwhich children who are at least 60years of age are paying for the collegeeducation of their children, the careof their elderly parents and facing theretirement years all at the same time.While the financial burdens of this areobvious, growing life expectancy andlater exits from the nest, will makethis an increasingly common experi-ence for ageing Americans.

Q. What are your thoughts about theparticular time in history this phe-nomenon emerged? Was it born of acertain economic climate, older peopleliving longer, younger people matur-ing later, or a combination of theseand maybe other factors?

A. All of these are factors. Youngerpeople are not maturing later in anemotional sense, but cultural normshave clearly shifted to make a later

exit from the nest more sociallyacceptable than in years past. Part ofthis is economic. The cost of housingand college have both risen fasterthan the cost of living for severaldecades and, in the case of college,more of the burden has been shiftedaway from tax payers to students’families.

Q. Have there been other times inhistory, or in other cultures, where thisphenomenon has existed?

A. Yes, in a way, the extended fami-lies of the past resembled what we areseeing now, but with some importantexceptions. Still, it can be instructiveto look back at those larger families tosee what they did well for help today.

Q. If anything similar to this “sand-wich generation” has existed else-where, what would you say about cop-ing mechanisms used in other culturesor at other times in history versus howpeople are coping today?

A. One big difference betweenextended families in the past andthose today, is the pace of the lives welead today. We lead much faster lives.Americans work more and often atmore than one job, all of which areoften greatly separated from ourhomes. Also, the young and the oldwere more likely to contribute eco-nomically to the household in thepast than they are today. Elderly par-ents live longer and are often past theyears they can or want to contributeby working, after having already putin a life time of employment. SocialSecurity, pensions, etc., can make upsome of this gap, but the elderly par-ent may also be unable to physicallyassist in household chores. In pastextended families, the eldest mem-bers of the families were often muchyounger than the eldest members oftoday’s extended families and theyoften were in charge of the family unitas the “patriarch” in the case of men.Today that is much less likely to be thecase.

An aspect that makes the dual care-giver role more problematic in theUnited States than in many othersocieties is we have a very individual-ist culture. More collectivist cultureshave more mechanisms and morecultural expectations that families,friends and even neighborhoods willcontribute to the care of each other.In the U.S., we have a belief andexpectation that children will estab-lish separate, independent lives fromtheir parents and when this wall isbroken, it creates stress for allinvolved that might not be there inanother culture without such expec-tations.

Q. A 2006 study conducted by theNational Alliance for Caregiving andthe Evercare Co. found the stress andworry of caregiving leads millions ofboomers to neglect their own health,resulting in depression, fatigue, pooreating and exercise habits, and moreuse of medications. What are yourthoughts on how to manage time andresources in order for the caregiver toget the proper amount of self-care?

A. Seeking out training for the care

that has to be given, especially foraging parents, can alleviate some ofthe stress associated with caring forthe elderly parent. Much of the stresscomes from not knowing what to do,worrying about doing the wrongthing and not knowing what is goingto come next. Learning the skillsneeded to be effective may enhancethe self-worth of the caregiver andturn a stressful situation into a self-affirming one. Similarly, finding sup-port groups for caregivers can be asignificant psychological as well asinformational boost. Support fromother important organizations inone’s life should not be overlookedeither. Churches can often be a sourceof support, for instance.

Q. What about guilt as a side effect.We may know, intellectually, that guiltis a counterproductive emotion, buthow do the “sandwiched” get thatknowledge from their heads to theirhearts?

A. This is difficult, but one way is toremind oneself of the larger picture,of what is at stake, and how one willfeel about the loved one they are car-ing for after the care giving is over.With elderly parents, one must realizethat being able to share time withthem is going to seem precious oncethat person is no longer with them.For dependent children, they may beleaving the nest slowly, but once theyare gone, they often get busy withtheir own lives, move away, etc., andparents report wishing they couldonce again spend more time withtheir children. A focus on the big pic-ture and why the care is being givencan be an effective tool to help withcoping.

HopeFrom page 9

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Back when we were growing up ourparents sometimes had to provide abedroom for one or both of their ownparents. It was sometimes inconven-ient but with the core family pitchingin, seeing to Grandma’s golden yearswas doable.

These days that homey scene haschanged somewhat. With divorce thenorm instead of the exception, thereis no model family to care for our ownparents. Those who venture into asecond marriage later in life will havea tough sell if Grandpa is part of thedeal.

Providing care for our parents canpresent us with an astronomical cashbill, but not caring for them willcreate a mortgage of guilt that wecannot live long enough to close. Anassisted living facility can be veryexpensive and so is in-home help.

Where do we find someone tospend enough time with our parents

to allow us to have some semblanceof a life? How about our kids? Youremember them. The sons anddaughters who drained our bankaccounts in the name of highereducation. Many of us need only lookover the garage or in the sparebedroom to find our college grad sonor daughter, who have returned likehoming pigeons.

We were so happy the day theyreceived their degree in poly sci orphilosophy that we brought thatrevered document home to hang it inthe living room. Graduation day was atime of joy for you, your new wife,your ex and the fellow she supports.

On that day little consideration wasgiven as to how preppie could make aliving with that hard-earned parch-ment.

Now that nearly 10 years havepassed son or daughter has all butgiven up and retreated to the safety ofmom or dad’s house — depending onwho was willing to take them in. Ourkids patiently explain they are victimsof the poor economy and they willonly be living with you until a jobopportunity shows up. The part-timejob at the go cart track is only tempo-rary they promised.

Grown kids who have come hometo roost will also talk about the highprice of real estate or the lack oflenders. They may even ask you to co-sign for a house they intend to rentout for Bike Week. Of course, you seeright through that. After all you didn’tget this old by being stupid.

This would be the perfect time to

cash in. Tell Sonny or Bunny theymust help out with Grandpa orGrandma in order to maintain theirrent-free status. If you are divorcedand were smart enough to convinceyour ex to put up your unmotivatedgrown child, this would be a greattime to reel them back in. You neednot mention to your ex that yourfather is moving in with you. Just saythat you have more room than youfirst believed and would love to havejunior living with you.

You might be surprised at how easythis switch can be. Your ex and yourlanguishing child will both be joyfulat your new found generosity. Onceyour son or daughter realizes they arethe live-in elderly care, there may besome sort of confrontation but staystrong. Remember your last and bestrecourse is to threaten the kids with


November 2012

Making use of homing pigeons in the roostLANDLINES

DAN SMITH

See LAND LINES, 1403

6705

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ACRL is a nonprofit ministry of The Christian Missionary Alliance Foundation, Inc.©2012 Alliance Community for Retirement Living. All rights reserved. BOX OFFICE HOURS TUESDAY THROUGH FRIDAY

NOON UNTIL 5PM AND TWO HOURS PRIOR TO ALL PERFORMANCES

(386) 676-337503

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THE LONG RUN, EAGLES TRIBUTE BAND 7:30PM ADVANCED RESERVED SEATING $20, DAY OF SHOW $25

Saturday, November 9th

BEATLES REVIEW, TRIBUTE TO THE BEATLES, 7:30PMADVANCED RESERVED SEATING $20, DAY OF SHOW $25

Saturday, November 16th

SIMPLY STREISAND, A TRIBUTE TO BARBRA STREISAND 7:30PM VIP RESERVED SEATING $25, GENERAL RESERVED SEATING $20

Saturday, December 1st

JIMMY DORSEY ORCHESTRA RESERVED SEATING $15Saturday, December 22nd, 2:00pm

ORMOND BEACH SENIOR THEATRE WORKSHOP PRESENTS COLE PORTER’S MUSICAL“ANYTHING GOES” BY SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT WITH TAMS-WITMARK

RESERVED SEATING $15Fri, Jan 11th, 7:30pm, Sat, Jan 12th, 7:30pm, Sun, Jan 13th 7:30pm

Being part of the Sandwich Genera-tion can be challenging. A lot of ushave parents living into their 80s and90s, as well as grown children withgrandchildren, who often need ourhelp to manage everyday activitiesand obligations. We might findourselves in the middle of layers ofemotional and financial commit-ments to an extended family who,through no fault of their own, dependon us to get through economichardships. An emotion that comes tomind, when thinking about thisrelatively new family dynamic, isguilt.. I do not remember our parents’generation dealing with this issue. Isthis an emotion we, as baby boomers,have brought upon ourselves in oureffort to make everyone happy,sometimes at our own expense?

A lot of us are lucky to live in an agewhen our parents are living longer;but along with that good luck, comes

the responsibilities that go along withbecoming the parent to the parent. Itis a difficult time when we have tomake decisions for our elders that willaffect their health and happiness inthe last years of their life. In addition,we are sometimes conflicted withspending time with our grownchildren and grandchildren. What’s aboomer to do when we are stretchedthin trying to juggle all the layers ofour extended families? Sometimes weneed to take time for ourselves toreboot and refresh.

I, personally, am dealing with a bitof guilt as a result of making thedecision to travel over the upcoming

holidays, even though our familytradition has revolved around gather-ing on Christmas morning. This year’scelebration will be altered, not onlyby our decision to travel, but byfactors beyond our control. Our usualvenue has been our parents’ house,which is no longer an option becausethey are now living in an assistedliving facility. So, when the opportu-nity arose to spend several weeks inEurope as part of a home exchange,we had to rethink our usual plans.

A young couple, wishing to relocateto Volusia County, wants to spend amonth here to scout out housing andget a feel for what it will be like livingin the states. Now, who could possiblyturn down a chance to spend amonth in Switzerland, with no costfor lodging, and see the winter sightsthis delightful country offers? Enterthat word guilt again. My first thoughtwas of my sister, Patty, who will carry

the responsibility of issues with ourparents by herself during that busytime. Even though they are in awonderful facility, our parents stillobviously need, and are deserving of,our time and attention at inconven-ient times. Patty convinced us,selflessly, we should not miss Christ-mas in Geneva so I moved on todealing with my children about ourpossible absence from the traditionsof the holidays.

We have three children. One lives inthe Panhandle and is employed at ajob that requires him to work mostholidays, so we were not expectinghim to join us. Another child, albeitgrown, places a lot of emphasis ontradition and does not like change.She is a bit put out with us and thinksher nephews will miss us terribly.Sorry, darlin’, but we just don’t see it


Holidays a challenge for sandwich generationLIFE IN

THE MIDDLESUSAN YOUNG

See MIDDLE, 14

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November 2012

ORMOND BEACH — In its shorttwo-year life, Rose Villa has becomeone of the most talked-about gour-met experiences in the area.

And it's not just the freshly pre-pared, continental fare and graciousservice that are getting noticed.

Also on point is the immersive Vic-torian ambiance that's courtesy ofowner Bill Jones, the president ofHolly Hill's Metra Electronics. He'sbedecked the 111-year-old inn hebought in 2007, which sat as com-mercial space for decades, with hischaracteristic attention to detail.

It took him three years to put it alltogether before opening, and for his

efforts he received an Ormond BeachChamber of Commerce Beautifica-tion Award.

From the complimentary valet,lush landscaping and green, purpleand gold facade outside to the replicawallpaper, restored longleaf pinewoodwork and eye-catching collec-tion of portraiture and period postersinside — time escapes the visitor foran elegant trip back in history. Mr.Jones even hand-selects the sound-track, an evocative background med-ley of early-century supper club dit-ties.

“Fine dining with history,” is howthe management describes the expe-rience at Rose Villa, but that wouldn'tgo far enough to explain the backlit

Every detail a priorityat Rose Villa

See ROSE VILLA, 14

Photo by Dan HarkinsServers Bree Beasley and C.J. Thiss team up to serve an aromatic citruscoffee tableside one recent evening at Rose Villa.

By Dan [email protected]

AtlanticDentists.comKraski, Costello & Drake P.A.

Dental Implantsby Dr. Drake

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Implants are syntheticstructures that are placedin the area of the toothnormally occupied by theroot. Implants are gentlyinserted in the bone andfollowing healing, act as afoundation for an artificialtooth or permanentbridge. In some cases,implants can be used toattach dentures.

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the same way when we pictureourselves sitting in our chalet in thehills overlooking Lake Geneva onChristmas morning.

Our third offspring is a single momof three who lives nearby and isfurthering her education. We timeour vacations around her schoolcalendar to help with the little guysduring semesters and this travelopportunity takes place during themonth she will be on break. Clearingit with her was not an issue as she

knows we need time off and leavingthe grandkids behind doesn’t reallyaffect us as we spend so much timewith them during the year. OneChristmas missed will not affectthem as long as we leave a mountainof presents behind. They won’t evenknow we’re gone. Of course, when mymother found out about it, shecouldn’t wrap her mind around theidea of our not being a part of theirChristmas morning enthusiasm anddelight. We can always Skype!


LED menus or the private media con-ference room.

“Every ounce of passion or detail Iput into the food here,” said executivechef Chris Pruneau, a culinary schoolgraduate from Schoolcraft College,who's served under noted chefs like“Top Chef Masters” competitorTakashi Yagihashi at his Michelinthree-star gem Tribute outsideDetroit, “(Mr. Jones) doubles it inambiance. The guy is like a mad sci-entist when it comes to décor.”

The possibilities for dinner are var-ied but not overwhelming. The 11entrees in the fall/winter menu thatChef Pruneau just released follow anAmerican course with French tech-niques. Costing upwards of $22, theyrange from a Bone-In, 16-oz. Filet orVeal Osso Buco to a Brandied Apple

Chicken or The American Turkey Din-ner.

For dessert, it's usually a simplechoice of three tableside shows: thecinnamon-sparking fireworks of a cit-rus coffee, a Bananas Foster or a cher-ries jubilee. Just like grandpa used toget for grandma.

But the chef doesn't rest on thoselaurels that much. Recently, he threwtogether a white chocolate-avocadotort as a special that “sold to the firsttable right away,” he said, “then start-ed selling out.”

It's all part of perfectionism, he saidover dessert. “If you're true to yourselfand do everything to the best of yourability, then you've got nothing toworry about. Nothing.”

Not a twitch of worry showed on hisface.

Rose Villa, 43 W. Granada Blvd., isopen 5 to 10 p.m. Tuesdays-Saturdays.Call (386) 615-7673 to make a reserva-tion.

MiddleFrom page 12

Rose VillaFrom page 13

your will. Remind them that yourthree bedroom, one-and-a-half bathranch with the genuine aluminumsiding can be theirs if they providethe service you require.

Remember a kid with no directionhas only one plan for the future andit is your will. Anything short ofchaining them to grandma’s bedpostis fair. Fill the fridge with food andcall them from Biloxi to see howthings are going. You worked toolong and hard not to enjoy yourretirement.

Land LinesFrom page 11

0368

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0397

02SUDOKU PUZZLEANSWER


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