the free pressJANUARY 2013 | VOLUME 13, NO. 1 WWW.SECONDSUPPER.COM

A D i g e s t o f C o u l e e R e g i o n C u l t u r e

PLUS: SOCIAL NETWORKING [P. 2] | COULEE CUTS [P. 7] | THE ADVICE GODDESS [P. 8]

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THE MISSING MAYORJohn Medinger may know this city better than anyone. So why doesn't he want to be mayor?A conversation with Bob Treu [P. 2]

2// January 1, 2013 Second Supper | The Free PressCOMMUNITY

CONTINUED ON PAGE 3

Social Networking

NAME AND AGE: Elizabeth Thiel, 20

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Stillwater, Minn.

CURRENT JOB: Dale's Clothing

DREAM JOB: Editor in Chief of WWD

lAsT THING YOU GOOGlED: Eggnog recipes

If YOU COUlD lIvE ANYWHERE IN THE WORlD, WHERE WOUlD IT BE? New York

WHAT Is sOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO BEfORE YOU DIE: Go on vineyard tours in Napa.

WHAT Is YOUR BIGGEsT PET PEEvE? People who chew loudly

WHAT Is YOUR BEvERAGE Of CHOICE? Diet Coke Cherry

CElEBRITY CRUsH: Alexander Skarsgaard

WHAT BOOk ARE YOU CURRENTlY READING? "Les Miserable"

TEll Us YOUR GUIlTIEsT PlEAsURE: "Gossip Girl"

If A GENIE GRANTED YOU ONE WIsH, WHAT WOUlD YOU Ask fOR? That my dog would live, healthily, for as long as I'm around

WHAT ONE PERsON AlIvE OR DEAD WOUlD YOU WANT TO HAvE DINNER WITH? Anna Wintour

fIRsT CONCERT YOU WENT TO: The Dixie Chicks

WHAT's THE lAsT THING YOU BOUGHT? Nail polish

WHAT's IN YOUR POCkET RIGHT NOW?: My phone

— Compiled by Shuggypop Jackson,shuggypop.jackson@secondsupper.com

Photo by Jacqueline MarcouPolitical veteran John Medinger has decided not to run for mayor.

By Bob TreuContributing editor

When John Medinger announced hewas running for mayor, it was no surprise.Afterall,MedingertypifiesLaCrossepoliticsmorethananyonewecanthinkof.Heisanativeofthecity,andheandhiswife,Dee,havebeenmarried for30years.Theyhavefour children. He has worked at a varietyof jobs here, including clerking in grocerystores(bothunionandnon-union),schoolbus driver, substitute teacher, bartenderand construction worker (union). He hasworkedforalmosteverysocialjusticecauseyoucanthinkof,includingastintinVirginiaasaVISTAvolunteer. JohnservedintheWisconsinStateAs-sembly for eight terms,beginning in1976,and then served as mayor for two terms,wherehewon65percentofthevotethefirsttimeand70percentthesecond.Hehasalsobeen the western Wisconsin regional coor-dinatorforformerU.S.Sen.RussFeingoldand office manager for Sen. Herb Kohl. Ifeveranyoneseemedashoo-inforanoffice,itwasJohn.Andthensuddenlyheannouncedaweek into the race thathewaswithdraw-ing.Whenwecalledhimtoaskwhatwasup,hedidn’tanswerthecallfordays.Itturnedouttherewasamistakeaboutthenumber.Whenhedidcallback,hegraciouslyagreedtomeetattheRootNote,whereweenjoyedan hour of good coffee and conversation.Thisisasummary.

Second Supper: What made you decide to enter the mayoral race?John Medinger: People started suggestingI run more than a year ago. In fact, I wasgetting strong encouragement from a lotof people, even before Mayor Harter an-nouncedhewouldn’trunagain.Therewasthisfeelingthatthingswerenotgettingdoneinthecity,soIjumpedin.

SS: And there’s a good chance you would have won. So why did you decide to drop out so sud-denly? That was a shocker.JM:IdothinkIcouldhavewon,butitjustdidn’tfeelright.

SS: I have to admit when I heard you were with-drawing, I worried it might be for health reasons, but you look great.JM:No,physicallyI’mfine,butthepilotlightjustwouldn’tturnon.InthefirstweekIwasalreadyfeelingalotofstress.Iwasn’tsleep-ingwellandIfeltabitdepressed.Itwasn’tanythingpolitical;itjustdidn’tfeelright.

SS: How did Dee feel about your running again?JM:Shereallywantedmetorunformayoragain. During the recalls I thought aboutrunningfortheAssembly,ormaybetheSen-ate,andshewasnotsoenthusedaboutthat.Itwouldhavemeant she’dbeherewhile IwasinMadison,becauseherjobishere,butshe was totally behind the idea of my run-ningformayoragain.

SS: I noticed the number you called from was the Kohl office. So it’s still open?JM:Barely.It’sjustmeandthephone.

SS: That’s sort of strange, like Melville’s Bartleby. How did you get into politics in the first place?JM:Myfather,Donald,wasonthecitycoun-cilfor30yearsandIwashelpinghimcam-paignat theageof12.At the same time Iwasanewsboy,acornerboy,whichmeantthecorner in front of the Hollywood Theaterwasmyterritory.Nobodyelsecouldsellpa-personthatcorner,andbelieveme,inthosedaysthestreetswerefullofpeople.Thepa-perswereadimeandIgot4centsforeachoneIsold.SomedaysImadeadollar.ButIwasalsoreadingthenewsandtryingtolearnaboutissues.

SS: So, you feel better having made the decision to get out?JM: Well, I don’t want people to feel I’mabandoning the city. People talked as if Iwould be the guy with the white hat whowouldrideinandsavethings.Buttherearereallygoodpeopleintherace,soofcourseit’llbefine.

SS: It sounds as if you might be suffering a little of that Catholic guilt.JM:There’snodoubt thatCatholicismhasplayedanimportantroleinmylife,butI’malsoachildofthesixties.ItwasaspecialtimeforCatholics.PopeJohnXXIIIhadopenedtheVaticanwindowstonewideasandthenwe had John Kennedy, our first Catholicpresident.Heinspiredourgenerationtotrytomakethisabettercountry.ThenMartinLutherKingandthecivil rightsmovementcamealongandthathelpedshapemythink-ingaswell.

SS: You could give me a scoop if you told me who you’ll endorse.JM:I’mnotendorsinganyoneatthispoint.AsIsaid,therearegoodpeopleintheraceand I’ll be happy to sit down with anyoneandhelpthem.ImeanI’vedonethisforalongwhile,andIhaveexperiencetoshare.Besides,endorsementsareoverrated.

SS: What are the biggest challenges the mayor is likely to face?JM:Thenumberoneissueispoverty.Therearetoomanypeopleoutofworkandsuffer-ing.

SS: That’s a big issue nationally, especially in cities, but it’s hardly a sexy issue politically these days. Can a mayor do anything about poverty?JM:Amayorcanworkon jobcreation. It’sthe key to improving lives. We need morejobs.

SS: I know we’ve lost jobs recently when Bimbo, the Mexican firm that bought the Dolly Madison bakery, laid people off. But I thought the governor’s programs were going to create a lot of new jobs.JM:Right.Infact,welostsomanypublicsec-torjobs,privatehiringhasn’tbeguntomakeupforthat.

SS: What were your most important accomplish-ments as mayor?JM: We did manage to bring in businessesthathelped improve the job situation.Thebreweryclosedanditlookedasifthatwholecomplexwouldremainempty,butthenCityBrewerytookover.Thenwealsohelpedat-tractLogisticsHealthIncorporated.

SS: What else?JM:Therewerethingsthatwerecomplicat-edandhardtodescribe,butalotofwhatamayordoes,oranygoodpoliticianreally,isjustcreateanatmospherewherepeoplefeeloptimisticaboutthefuture.

SS: I think President Kennedy was able to do that, and maybe our current president as well.JM: Hope is more than a slogan; it reallydefinesakindofpolitics.Itchangesthings.Thishasalwaysbeenagreatcity,butIwant-edusonthemap.Sowestartedtolookout-ward. I wanted us to become a world classcitywitha24-hourenvironment.

SS: What do you mean by a 24-hour environment?JM: I hoped we’d be a place where some-thingwasgoingoneverymomentoftheday.Idon’t thinkwequitegot there,butwe’reclose.WhenIwasinofficewealsobecamesister city to four communities around theworldandthathelpedputusonthemap.

SS: When I moved here La Crosse didn’t seem to be much of a tourist destination. At first I wanted to go back up north as much as possible, but over time I really came to prefer this region.JM:Yes.Ifyoucan’tselltheMississippiRiver,youcan’tsellanything.ButtherewereandstillarerealproblemsinLaCrosse.Theero-sionof theresidential taxbase isanexam-ple.Myneighborrecentlysoldherhomefor$69,000and,ofcourse,it’sworthalotmore.Thataffects thevalueofmyhomeandtherestoftheneighborhoodandultimatelythetaxbaseofthecity.

SS: Yeah, in my neighborhood there are houses that seem abandoned, perfectly fine buildings that are vacant and deteriorating. It’s like La Crosse is fol-lowing the model of what’s happening to all Ameri-can cities. When people get some money they move to the suburbs, and as happens in such cases, they aren’t looking back.

No regrets, no white hatJohn Medinger decides not to run for mayor

Second Supper | The Free Press January 1, 2013 // 3COMMUNITY

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People of the year1. Lionel Messi2. Frank Ocean3. Nate Silver4. Gabby Douglas5. John Roberts6. Tammy Baldwin7. Reed Grimm

Albums of the year1. Kendrick Lamar, Good Kid, M.A.A.D City2. Grizzly Bear, Shields3. Frank Ocean, Channel Orange4. Beach House, Bloom5. Field Report, Field Report6. Cody SchesnuTT, Landing on a Hundred7. Cat Power, Sun

ON THE COVER Bob Treu, left, Second Supper contributing editor, interviews John Medinger at the Root Note about his poltical career.

JM: As mayor I tried to address this prob-lem by working on regional coordinationamong local governments, but we ran intotremendousopposition.PlaceslikeHolmenandOnalaskawantednothingtodowithit.ImeantheyseemtofeelrealanimositytowardLaCrosse.

SS: How do you feel about the city manager issue? We just defeated that idea in a referendum.JM:YouknowIopposedtheideaforalongwhile because elections are more demo-cratic,butovertheyearsIhaveseenthecitymanager ideawork inothercities and I’vechangedmymind.Totellthetruth,amayorfacessomethinglikechaosmostofthetime.CityHallneedsdirectionandstability,andacitymanagercanprovidethosethings.

SS: But I have to tell you I was upset when the governor of Michigan started taking over cities, getting rid of mayors and replacing them with ap-pointed city managers.JM:Thatwashorrifying.Icouldn’tbelievehecoulddothat.Butthere’sahugedifferencebetweenacitymanagerbeingchosenlocallyandthegovernorcominginandjusttakingoveracommunity.

SS: Can you tell me some of your accomplishments in the state Assembly?JM:TheareaswhereIfeltIwasabletocon-tribute were Health and Human Servicesand Criminal Justice. I worked to frame alaw that changed the definition of death,movingitfromthecessationofheartactivitytothecessationofbrainactivity.ThenaftertheBrianStanleycase,whereayoungmanmurderedapriestinOnalaska,Iwasabletotightenupourcommitmentpolicies.

SS: Do you see yourself running for some offi ce in the future?JM:Youknow,Ireallydon’t.Atleastitisn’tverylikely.AsIsaid,Ithoughtaboutitatthetimeoftherecallsanddecidedagainstit.

SS: So you’re fi nished with politics.JM:I’llbeactiveinpoliticsuntilthedayIdie,butitwillbedoingdifferentkindsofthings,like working for someone else’s campaignand devoting myself to the issues I thinkareimportant.There’salwayssomuchthatneedsdoing.

MEDINGERCONTINUED fROM PAGE 2

By Andrew ChulykSpecial to Second Supper

The Art RuMBA ReviewDirk Nelson / "Ungemmed Unhidden"Jan. 14-Feb. 7Ben Miller Lobby, Page TheatreSt. Mary's UniversityWinona, Minnesota

Dirk Nelson is the quiet guy at artopenings, standingoff to the side,observ-ing, absorbing and studying people, andrightly so, because he is passionate aboutdrawing and interpreting the human fig-ure.Hisworkisnotaboutreflectionofim-age,butaboutexpressionofimage. Butfirst, letmeexplaina littleabout“monotypes” to those of you unfamiliarwith the term. Monotypes began in theearly 1600s. They were made by drawingonametalplatewithprintersinkandthenpressed by hand or press onto a piece ofabsorbent paper. The resulting image wassingular and unique and could not be re-peated. It is a “painterly “printing processthatallowstheartisttoconcentrateonbe-ingcreativeunhinderedbytechnicality.Im-provisation, impulse, chance and gestureallcomeintoplay,anditisthisprocessthatNelsonchoosestocreatehisfigures. Thehumanfigure:Paintersandsculp-tors have forever been fascinated with it,and I suppose if youwere to collect everydrawingorimageofthehumanfigurefromthecavestopresenttimeandputtheminapile,youmightendupwithanobjectpos-sibly,well, the sizeof themoon.And still,artistswillendlesslycontinuetodraw,paintandsculptthehumanfigureandexploreitsinexhaustiblesupplyofinspiration.

However,Nelson’sworkismoreabouttheprocess;whatgoesonbetweenthehandandthemindexpressedthroughachosentechniquethatisastransientastheartist’smodelsposes. None of the figures in his show wasdrawnfromlife;theyweredrawnfromtheartist’s imagination. Nelson feels his workare more connected to poetry and sculp-tureas evidenced in the show's title: “Un-gemmed,Unhidden,"takenfromasonnetbyEdnaSt.VincentMillay. Nelson’s explains, “My figures all ex-presswhatitmeanstobehuman,tobeintheprocessofdeveloping,tobefullofun-certainty. I think that drawing and poetryshare the “ungemmed, unhidden” qualityof being pared down to the essential anduncomplicated. I strive for that naivety orinnocenceofchildren.” The sonnet ends with “Look what Ihave! — And these are all for you.” Thatsentimentechoesinhiswork. Using any element or object at handtomanipulatetheinkontheplate,Nelsonmanagestocreateaseriesoffiguresthatarefull of gesture and presence. All standingface front, these “sculpted” human forms,some with arms crossed, others open, alltakeonmonolithicproportion,andintheprocess become archetypical reflectionsthatharkenbacktotheearliesthumanex-pression. The figures seem to emerge orrecede from their space, but never alludeto why they exist. They are like shadowsonafoggydaywhereyouhavetostraintomakeoutwhatisfamiliaronlytohaveitbe-comeunfamiliarthenfamiliaragain.Anditisthroughthisprocess,thatyouslowlybe-comeawarethatwhatyoumaybelookingatisyourself. AllofNelson’sworkwascreatedatVi-taminStudiosinLaCrosse.

CraigThompsonoftheWisconsinDe-partment of Natural Resources will discusstheLaCrosseMarshatnoonTuesday,Jan.8,atTheRadissonHotel. The presentation will include discus-sionofthewetlandgem'sinhabitantsandef-fortstoensureitslong-termprotectionandmanagement. KnownasoneoftheMidwest'sfinestur-banwetlands,theLaCrosseMarshhasbothgalvanizedanddividedthecommunity. Historicallyviewedasanimpedimentto

progress, themarshhasbecomeoneofLaCrosse'smostnotablefeatures.Despitehav-ing losthalfof itsacreage todevelopment,the marsh continues to provide vital envi-ronmental services – floodwater retention,surface water purification and provision offishandwildlifehabitat--whileservingasadestinationforoutdoorenthusiasts. Anoptionalbuffetlunchisavailableat11:30a.m.ToRSVPorforinformation,con-tact Nancy Hill at 608-782-1753 or nfhill@centurytel.net.

PresentationfocusesonLaCrosseMarsh

4// January 1, 2013 Second Supper | The Free PressTHE PLANNER

JanuaryThe Month in Preview

music | entertainment | theater | fine arts new years resolution | cabin fever | fresh start | things to do | winter weather | chill

Jan. 4 – Jan. 26KIDS PAINT THE DARNDEST THINGS@ The Pump House

French artist Henri Matisse said this one day: “The artist has to look at life as he did when he was a child. If he loses that faculty, he cannot express himself in an original, that is, a personal way.” That said, some of us (especially self-proclaimed artists) might need a refresher on what looking at life is like for children. The Pump House will be showcasing the art of La Crosse Northside Elementary students who have explored the essence of color. This exhibit will show the raw, original, and personal inspirations of child artists who have yet to look through the Standard Adult lens and who haven’t had the time to study and bite the styles of Picasso, Dali, Van Gogh and company. If you have knowledge of art history, don’t bring it; you won’t need it to see the beauty. Gallery will be in place from the 4th to the 26th, with a reception on Jan 10 from 4 to 5:30 p.m.

Sat., Jan. 5NEEDED: BEAUTIFUL BARRELS

@ La Crosse Public Library

In effort to make rain barrels less ugly, and to raise some money, the public library will be welcoming people with nature in mind to

paint some barrels. As part of this project, the public will be grading the barrels in February to determine the best of the bunch. Winners will be rewarded. Then, all barrels will be auctioned off in March as part of some kind of rain barrel graduation ceremony. Barrels will be available for pickup at the library for a small fee of $15 on the Jan. 5 reception at 9 a.m.

Thurs., Jan. 10 TIME TO FUSE@ All Glazed Up!

‘Tis the season to start hobbies, and there are lots to choose from. So how about fusing some glass? People have been fusing for centuries in order to make little trinkets, jewelry, and plates. But with the rise of glassblowing, fusion lost its cool. Time to bring it back. All Glazed Up! in downtown La Crosse will be holding a class on Jan 10 at 6:30 p.m. where you can learn fusion techniques and create your own special glasswork to put on display, wear, or scrape your fork on. Cost is $20 per person.

Jan. 11, 12, 25, 26RUTHLESS ICE CAPADES@ OMNI Center

Ice rinks are amazing places; they might host a graceful figure skating show, then next thing

you know there’s a bunch of dudes with sticks shoving each other around and knocking teeth out while chasing a rubber snack cake. In other words, ice rinks are like those people that play Mozart one minute and Cannibal Corpse the next. Anyway, it’s January, a great time to go and see some hockey. The area Junior A Tier II hockey team, Coulee Region Chill, will be playing four games here this month. Tickets are $10 for adults and $6 for children.

Jan. 23 – Jan. 27FROZEN RIVER FILM FEST@ Winona State University

If it wasn’t for daily obligations like work, school, bathroom, etc., you’d probably spend a lot more time watching movies. Eventually you’d get sick of the blockbusters, and the Criterion Collection would have nothing more to offer because there are only so many classics. Finally, documentaries would become more prominent on your LCD, and you wouldn’t regret it because documentaries are pretty sweet. There will be more than forty films (on topics that range from Nature to Bollywood to McDonald’s Coffee) showing over the course of a week at the 2013 Frozen River Film Festival. There will also be workshops,

speakers, and musical performances. Visit frff.org/wpsite for ticket info and a schedule with full descriptions of the films.

Thurs., Jan. 31OOHS AND AHHS AND HAHAHAS@ UW L Cartwright Center

What does this city need? A little magic! Or illusion. Whatever you prefer to call it. Renowned magician, illusionist, and funnyman Joseph Tran (no, not Arrested Development’s Gob) will be making his way from L.A. to L.A. Crosse to perform some good old smoke & mirrors. Unlike most magician/illusionist/entertainers, who are either good at magic and suck at entertaining, or suck at magic and are good at entertaining, Mr. Tran does both, so you won’t have to worry about getting uncomfortable in your seat and feeling embarrassed for him. Show starts at 7:30 p.m. in UWL’s Cartwright Center, and it’s free. Ta-da!

www.sonicbids.com

Second Supper | The Free Press January 1, 2013 // 5

There are terriblenames togive yourrestaurantandthenthere’sThatSaladPlace.Itproducesthesamereactionofembarrass-mentandsilentlaughsthatonemighthavewhenyourfriendtellsyoutheynamedtheirnewbornchildApple.Fortunately,afteryousaythenameaboutahundredtimesinyourheaditstartstogrowonyou,andthesamecanbesaidfortheirfood. Situated in the old Erbert and Ger-bert’s location, That Salad Place shines assomething just offbeat enough to attractthe lunch-going crowds in a downtown LaCrossewearyfromonetoomanygrillsandpizzajoints.Insideyou’llfindakitchen/serv-ingareathatlooksmuchthesameasbeforebutwithanew,questionablepaint jobandmore seating. That’s about the full extentofthechangesonecangleamfromacasuallookaroundtheplace.Butwhattheylackinaflairforlooks,theymorethanmakeupforinthemenuanditsflexibility. The idea of creating your own dishesfromalistofingredientsprovidedisnothingnew, and everything that That Salad Placeserveshasbeendonebefore.Thiscan’tberefuted.Buttheiringredientsarefreshandcrisp,thesandwichesaremaderatherthanreheated, and the soup is quality. If youchoose tocreateyourownsalad,yougeta

wideselectionoftoppings,dressings,meatsandlettucetochoosefrom,aswellasalistofclassicsaladsifallthoseoptionshurtyourbrain.As a complement to your salad, youcan also choose from a solid selection ofwrapsandpaninistoroundoutyourmeal. Mymealconsistedofatraditionalcobbsalad and a ham and cheddar panini, andbothwerepleasantsurprises.Thecobbsaladwasallhard-boiledeggsandbleucheese,ofcourse,butalloftheingredientswerefresh,which is of the utmost importance when75 percent of your menu is salads. Cover-ingthosefreshingredientswasalight,thinranchdressingthatwasmixedwiththesaladratherthanpouredontop,whichwasawel-comeadditioninaworldwheresaladstendtodrownintheirdressings.Asacomplimentto that salad, thehamandcheddarpaniniworked well. Though I put little thoughtintoitatthetime,Iimaginethatonecouldpairtheirsalad,paniniandwrapmenusto-gethertogetseveralcomplimentarycombi-nations.Thepaniniitselfwasservedhotandfreshlymade,withmeltingcheddaroozingover thickly sliceddelihambetweenwholegrainwheatbread.Again,aswiththesalads,thoughthesandwichitselfwascompetentlyprepared,thequalityoftheingredientswerewhatmadeitstandout.Whenviewedthroughseparatelens-es,nothingonthemenuatThatSaladPlaceisneworallthatexciting.Anybodycanmakeasalad,grillapaniniorthrowsomestuffinawrap.Whattheydosowelllieswithintheexecutionof themeals, theflexiblenatureofthemenu,andthequalityoftheiringredi-ents.AllofwhichmakesThatSaladPlaceanewandgenuinelysurprisinglunchdestina-tioninthecity.

That Salad Place118 South Third StreetLa Crosse, Wisconsin

DiNiNG Out

By Marcel DunnSpecial to Second Supper

DIVERSIONS

Thismonth,theLaCrosseCommunityTheatre will be moving from its longtimehomeonFifthAvenuetoanewlyconstruct-edvenueat428FrontSt.inLaCrosse.DavidKilpatrick,directoroftheLCT,sayshe’sin-crediblyexcitedforthischangeandforevergratefulforthecommunity’ssupportastheconstruction has progressed over the lastyear.Thetheaterisbeingbuiltascollabora-tionbetween theLCTandViterboUniver-sity,andbothwillbeusingittosharetheirperformanceswiththecommunity.Thenewvenuewill allow for amore spacious, com-fortable and theater experience The firstshow to be staged at the new theater willbetheclassicShakespeareantragedy,"Mac-beth."

Second Supper: How has the construction of the theater progressed?David Kilpatrick: We broke ground in No-vember2011,andduetothewarmweathertheconstructionwentfast,muchfasterthananyoneanticipated. In fact,wehadtoslowdown at times. Construction projects arelike a large ship, though -- it takes a lot towinddownandalottowindbackup.Somethingshadtobecutbecauseofthebudget,especiallybecausewe’redealingwithprivatedonations from thepublic.However, therewere things I assumed would be cut, likebigmirrorsonthewalls,thatwerenot.Nowwe’rediscoveringthefunstuff,likethecol-orsofthewallsandthedesignofthecurve.Ihavediscoveredthatallthecomputersintheworld will never replace the human mindandhumancreativitythough.

SS: How many theaters will there be?DK:Therewillbetwoperformancespaces.Themaintheaterwillhave450seatsandwillhavethreelevels.Thebasementwillbetheorchestra pit. The main floor will containthe stage and the bulk of the seating, andtherewill alsobe abalconywith159 seats.The other performance space is the BlackBox theater, which seats 100 people. Thisspacewillalsoserveasarehearsalhall.

SS: So, based on what you’re saying, the theatre will be opening on time?DK:Itwillopenontime.Wehavetoomanypeoplecountingonit;theschedulecannotslip.Itwillbetightthough.

SS: Can you tell me more about the performance on opening night?DK:OpeningnightwillbeagalaonJan.19andwillbeopentothepublic -- limitedto450people.Itwillbesomethingofavarietyshow to celebrate the collaboration of theLCT and Viterbo University, as well as thenewbuilding.Therewillbeamixtureofvid-eopresentationsandspeeches,whiletheen-tertainment will include musical numbers,andaswordfight.

SS: Has the community response been positive to the new theater? Do donations continue to come in?DK:Yes,asoftodaywehaveexceeded96per-centofouroriginalgoalintheconstructionofthebuilding.Wefullyexpectthebuilding,

The MoNth iN TheAtreBy Kallie SchellSpecial to Second Supper

Crossword ANswers

inpledges,tobepaidfor.Again,wedonotwanttocomeintothiswithadebt.

SS: How is the “name a seat” campaign going?DK: We have sold about 200. The groundfloorseatscost$1,000.Thebalconyseatscost$750.Theboxseats,whichweaffectionatelycall the Lincoln seats, cost $3,500. In theBlack Box theater, seats cost $250. Peoplelike the ideaof thenaminga seatbecauseonethenleavestheirmarkonthetheaterfor40years.Whereyournamewillbeplacedissomethingofalottery;wechoose,butifyoubuy, for example, four seats together, thentheywillbeplacednexttoeachother.

SS: What are you most excited for?DK:Theproductiontechnologyisreallyex-citing.Therewillbeabetterlightboardandmore fly space. However, something I findreallyimportantisthelobby.Itreallyallowsforapositivetheaterexperience.Ourlobbyrightnowissofrustrating.Everyoneisshoul-der-to-shoulder and uncomfortable, andtheladieshavetowalkupstairstogotothebathroom.Nowtherewillbesomuchspace,andthewholeentirewestwallwillbefacingtheriver.Theater-goerswillgetagreatsenseofspaceandcomfort.It’sabeautifulneigh-borhood.LaCrosseshouldbeveryproudofwhatit’sgotthere.

I Like to WAtchBy Dean RobbinsSpecial to Second Supper

IMPortANt LCT EveNts

WHAT: Naming of the new theaterWHEN: Jan. 9

***WHAT: La Crosse Community Theater open houseWHEN: 1-3 p.m. Jan. 20WHERE: La Crosse Community Theater, 428 Front St., La CrosseCOST: FreeWHO: Open to the publicFYI: This is a chance for supporters and the community to see the theater up close, room to room. It is a self-guided tour. There will be people in each room to answer ques-tions.

Lena Dunham strikes again Partofmewouldlovetobe26-year-oldLenaDunham:widelyhailedasacomicge-nius when her series "Girls" premiered onHBOlastyear.Anotherpartofmewouldn’twant to be Dunham at all: forced to showthat season one wasn’t a fluke by deliver-inganequallybrilliant season two.But thepremiereepisode(Sunday, Jan.13,8p.m.)provesthatDunhamhasplentymoreuphersleeve.Thetattooedwriter-director-starcon-tinuestofindfreshlaughs,freshpoignancyandfreshidiocyinthelivesofherfouryoungcharacters,whostrugglewithpost-collegeex-istenceinNewYorkCity. In this week’s episode they revert to

form,actingselfishlyorstupidlyintheirre-lationships with men. Hannah (Dunham)manages both selfishness and stupidity bydroppingAdam(AdamDriver)foradiffer-ent lover.Adam isnotonlydisabled (afteracaraccidentthatwasHannah’sfault),butalsosmittenwithherafteralongspellofin-difference.ThatwouldhavebeenHannah’sdreamcometruemereweeksago,butnowshe’s uttering extravagant promises to thenewguy:“I’mgoingtomakelogical,respon-sibledecisionswhenitcomestoyou!” Anybodywanttolayodds?

American ExperienceTuesday, Jan. 8, 8 p.m. (PBS) “The Abolitionists” recounts one ofthemost inspiring stories inAmericanhis-tory. Itprofiles the19thcentury reformerswho achieved moral clarity about slaverylong before the rest of their countrymendid.WilliamLloydGarrison,FrederickDou-glass, Angelina Grimke and other fearlessabolitionists bravely denounced America’s“peculiar institution” despite being widelydenouncedthemselves. The material is so dramatic that youforgive thepreponderanceofbonnets andtophatsintheextensivereenactments. You’dhavetobemadeofstonenottothrill to rhetoric like this, from thepenof

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The Month in Preview

music | entertainment | theater | fine arts new years resolution | cabin fever | fresh start | things to do | winter weather | chill

Jan. 4 – Jan. 26KIDS PAINT THE DARNDEST THINGS@ The Pump House

French artist Henri Matisse said this one day: “The artist has to look at life as he did when he was a child. If he loses that faculty, he cannot express himself in an original, that is, a personal way.” That said, some of us (especially self-proclaimed artists) might need a refresher on what looking at life is like for children. The Pump House will be showcasing the art of La Crosse Northside Elementary students who have explored the essence of color. This exhibit will show the raw, original, and personal inspirations of child artists who have yet to look through the Standard Adult lens and who haven’t had the time to study and bite the styles of Picasso, Dali, Van Gogh and company. If you have knowledge of art history, don’t bring it; you won’t need it to see the beauty. Gallery will be in place from the 4th to the 26th, with a reception on Jan 10 from 4 to 5:30 p.m.

Sat., Jan. 5NEEDED: BEAUTIFUL BARRELS

@ La Crosse Public Library

In effort to make rain barrels less ugly, and to raise some money, the public library will be welcoming people with nature in mind to

paint some barrels. As part of this project, the public will be grading the barrels in February to determine the best of the bunch. Winners will be rewarded. Then, all barrels will be auctioned off in March as part of some kind of rain barrel graduation ceremony. Barrels will be available for pickup at the library for a small fee of $15 on the Jan. 5 reception at 9 a.m.

Thurs., Jan. 10 TIME TO FUSE@ All Glazed Up!

‘Tis the season to start hobbies, and there are lots to choose from. So how about fusing some glass? People have been fusing for centuries in order to make little trinkets, jewelry, and plates. But with the rise of glassblowing, fusion lost its cool. Time to bring it back. All Glazed Up! in downtown La Crosse will be holding a class on Jan 10 at 6:30 p.m. where you can learn fusion techniques and create your own special glasswork to put on display, wear, or scrape your fork on. Cost is $20 per person.

Jan. 11, 12, 25, 26RUTHLESS ICE CAPADES@ OMNI Center

Ice rinks are amazing places; they might host a graceful figure skating show, then next thing

you know there’s a bunch of dudes with sticks shoving each other around and knocking teeth out while chasing a rubber snack cake. In other words, ice rinks are like those people that play Mozart one minute and Cannibal Corpse the next. Anyway, it’s January, a great time to go and see some hockey. The area Junior A Tier II hockey team, Coulee Region Chill, will be playing four games here this month. Tickets are $10 for adults and $6 for children.

Jan. 23 – Jan. 27FROZEN RIVER FILM FEST@ Winona State University

If it wasn’t for daily obligations like work, school, bathroom, etc., you’d probably spend a lot more time watching movies. Eventually you’d get sick of the blockbusters, and the Criterion Collection would have nothing more to offer because there are only so many classics. Finally, documentaries would become more prominent on your LCD, and you wouldn’t regret it because documentaries are pretty sweet. There will be more than forty films (on topics that range from Nature to Bollywood to McDonald’s Coffee) showing over the course of a week at the 2013 Frozen River Film Festival. There will also be workshops,

speakers, and musical performances. Visit frff.org/wpsite for ticket info and a schedule with full descriptions of the films.

Thurs., Jan. 31OOHS AND AHHS AND HAHAHAS@ UW L Cartwright Center

What does this city need? A little magic! Or illusion. Whatever you prefer to call it. Renowned magician, illusionist, and funnyman Joseph Tran (no, not Arrested Development’s Gob) will be making his way from L.A. to L.A. Crosse to perform some good old smoke & mirrors. Unlike most magician/illusionist/entertainers, who are either good at magic and suck at entertaining, or suck at magic and are good at entertaining, Mr. Tran does both, so you won’t have to worry about getting uncomfortable in your seat and feeling embarrassed for him. Show starts at 7:30 p.m. in UWL’s Cartwright Center, and it’s free. Ta-da!

www.sonicbids.com

6// January 1, 2013 Second Supper | The Free PressDIVERSIONS

field26 "That definitely isn't looking good"27 Suzanne Vega song with the lyric "I live on the second floor"28 Took off the list, maybe30 Words before "old chap"32 Brunch drink35 ___ facto37 Website for crafty sorts38 Stats on report cards40 Likely to sleep in41 Held by a third party46 Large pie pieces49 Driving hazard50 G-sharp, alternatively52 Javelin, basically54 ___ vin (chicken dish)56 The last two were in St. Paul and Tampa57 "Up All Night" net-work59 Sound at the barber-shop60 Lead-in to O61 "Yahoo!" to a matador64 Part of HS

ACROSS1 Big ___ (David Ortiz's nickname)5 Frappe need8 Main man11 Italian region big on terra cotta14 Bashar al-Assad's country: abbr.15 ___ in "Oscar"16 Written test involving a sly prison breakout?17 Instances where ev-eryone sings the same note19 Carry20 "C'mon, those sun-glasses don't fool me!"22 Abbr. on a food label24 "Star Trek: TNG" cap-tain Jean-___ Picard25 "Pericles, Prince of ___"26 Palindromic Eskimo knife29 The right side of the Urals31 Blue material33 Attila the ___34 Martini & ___ (wine-makers)36 Like some factory

seconds: abbr.39 Statement from a codependent tent dweller?42 Half-woman, half-bird43 Like simple survey questions44 "Don't do drugs" ad, for short45 Societal problems47 Varieties of fish eggs48 Part of CBS49 Earth goddess of Greek mythology51 Suffix after real, in the U.K.53 Spider's egg case55 How quickly pachy-derms get seen at the hospital?58 Nobel Peace Prize city62 How pasta may be prepared63 Help save people, like a trained dog?65 Singer Carly ___ Je-psen66 "CNN Headline News" anchor Virginia67 Source of Pablo Esco-

bar's wealth68 When an airplane's scheduled to take off: abbr.69 Azerbaijan, once: abbr.70 Beat but good

DOWN 1 "Hey, over here!"2 Amy of "Dollhouse"3 Tabloid photographer, slangily4 Like the freshest fruit5 Trooper maker6 They're tough to con-vince7 Idle of Monty Python fame8 Sneaky security mea-sures9 Down time, for short10 Actor Davis11 Broadway show pur-chase: abbr.12 Actor Tognazzi (hid-den in YUGOSLAVIA)13 "Upstairs at Eric's" band18 It's got rings21 Completely wasted23 Strawberry in the

"Spellbound"If it sounds good, do it

By Matt Jones Answers on Page 5

©2012 Jonesin' Crosswords

wE have moved! 444 main St.,

Suite 310,La Crosse, WI 54601

Office hours by appointment onlythe free press

DankO'So Brewing CompanyPlover, Wisconsin

The Beer Review

Backin1996,DavidLettermanin-troducedtheworldtoamoviereviewerwhomIwillnotsoonforget:MannytheHippie. Manny hailed from San Fran-cisco, and according to legend (or asurprisingly sad Wikipedia page) DavediscoveredhimbuskingonthestreetsofHaight-Ashbury.Mannywasanenthusi-astic giggler, and he spoke to AmericawithaparticularpatoisthatwasforeigntomostCBSviewersbuthasbecomeen-trenchedinthemodernlexicon.Calledon to review that summer’s blockbust-ers(hello,IndependenceDay!),Mannyessentiallyhadafour-starratingsystem— good movies were dank, bad mov-ieswereschwag,theworstmovieswereschwiggity schwag, and the best wasdiggitydank.Asawide-eyedyoungster,already up past my bedtime, I had noideawhatMannywastalkingabout.Asa droopy-eyed adult, perpetually jadedinthebeeraisle,seeingalabelboastingofDANKmademypurchasedecisionaneasyone. Dank isanImperialRedAle fromthecultishO’soBrewingCompany.“Im-perialRed” isn’t exactly anestablishedstyle,whichmakesitaperfectselectionfor O’so, a young brewery that pridesitself on innovative recipes that don’tfollowtraditionalstyles.Ananniversaryalenow in its thirdyear, theDank isaseasonal,but Idon’tever remember it

tastingthisgood.Rich,malty,chocolaty,fresh,spicyandsweet—thisisprobablythebestthingO’sohaseverbrewed,andat the moment it’s one of my favoritebeersinWisconsin. Purchase: 4-pack of O’so DankfromWoodman’s,$8.49. Style:Imperialredale Strength: 9.2percentABV Packaging: Dank has a simple redandwhite label,withabout60percentofitsprintablespacededicatedtoblocklettersD-A-N-K. Appearance: The Dank pours asuper-hazycoppercolorwithathintanhead. Aroma: Partially aged in oak bar-rels, vanillanotesandanalcoholburnhoveratthetopofthenose.Adeeperinhalebringsaricharomaofripestraw-berries, grassy hops, sweet molasses,toastedmalts,freshbiscuitsandhintsofbrownsugar. Taste: For such a big beer, thecomplexity is impressive. It comes onsweet with notes of pear, caramel, andbutterscotchpudding.Therearepleas-ing notes of brandy, but the actualalcohol content — all 9.2 percent ofit—isrelativelylowinthepalette,but-tressedbyrowsofrichtoastedmalts.IttastesbreadierthanmostAmericanredales,butithasanoakybackboneandasmoothvanillakissthatcomesoutasitwarms. Mouthfeel: This has a relativelythick mouthfeel but low carbonation,almostakintoa“realale.” Drinkability: The Dank is deliciousand dangerously drinkable. I’d recom-mendsettingat leastoneasidetocellarbeforegettinggreedywiththefour-pack. Ratings:BeerAdvocategives this an87,whileRateBeerscores itan84.Thatseemslowtome,andperhapsit’stheviewof an earlier vintage. Because in 2012,conventionaladjectivesdon’tapplytothisbeer:Thishere,it’sthediggitydank.

By Adam Bissenadam.bissen@secondsupper.com

Soduku

Answers on Page 7

Garrison:“Iamwillingtobepersecuted,im-prisonedandboundforadvocatingAfricanrights,andIshalldeservetobeaslavemyselfifIshrinkfromthatdutyordanger.”Forex-pressingsuchenlightenedsentiments,Garri-sonwasattackedbyalynchmob,andSouthCarolinaputabountyonhishead.IsittimetocarveoutroomonMountRushmoreforthesenationalheroes—per-hapsrightbetweenslaveholdersWashingtonandJefferson?

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TVCONTINUED fROM PAGE 5

Second Supper | The Free Press January 1, 2013 // 7

Music DirectoryFEATURED SHOWS

Saturday, December 29thWarehouse – Local Bands Showcase • 6:30 p.m.Freight House – Nick Stika • 7:30 p.m.Popcorn – Sum Chunk • 10 p.m.

Sunday, December 30thWarehouse – The Disabled, Timeline Trag-edy, 64 Squares • 6:30 p.m.

Monday, December 31stRoot Note – New Year’s Eve Party • 9 p.m. to 1 a.m.Trempealeau Hotel – New Year’s Bash feat. The Far Outs (variety Rock) • 9 p.m.Popcorn – Nimbus • 10 p.m.

Friday, January 4thFreight House – Brent Brown • 7 p.m.Piggy’s – Third Charles • 8 p.m.

Saturday, January 5thFreight House – Brent Brown • 7:30 p.m.

Thursday, January 10thTrempealeau Hotel – Guitar Logic • 7 p.m.

Friday, January 11thFreight House – Rich Wooten • 7 p.m.Pump House – Johnsmith (folk) • 7:30 p.m.Starlite Lounge – Third Charles • 9 p.m.Root Note – Click Track (indie rock) • 9 p.m.

Saturday, January 12thFreight House – Rich Wooten • 7:30 p.m.Pump House – Johnsmith (folk) • 7:30 p.m.Trempealeau Hotel – Ryan Holweger & Bry-an Wheat • 8 p.m.

Wednesday, January 16thRiver Jack’s – Latin Vibe • 6 p.m.

Thursday, January 17thTrempealeau Hotel – Jagged Ease (acous-tic) • 7 p.m.

Friday, January 18thFreight House – Blue Jupiter (acoustic) • 7 p.m.Root Note – Ida Jo • 8 p.m.

Saturday, January 19thFreight House – Blue Jupiter (acoustic) • 7:30 p.m.Root Note – Charlie Parr • 8 p.m.Trempealeau Hotel – Electric House of Curds • 8 p.m.Warehouse – Savage Aural Hotbed, Sweat Boys (industrial/electronic)

Thursday, January 24thTrempealeau Hotel – Chris Pickering • 7 p.m.

Wednesday, January 23rdRoot Note – Chris Pickering • 8 p.m.

Friday, January 25thFreight House – Paxico (acoustic) • 7 p.m.

Saturday, January 26thFreight House – Paxico (acoustic) • 7:30 p.m.Pump House – Peter Meyer (folk) • 7:30 p.m.Root Note – Chastity Brown (indie folk) • 8 p.m.

Wednesday, January 30thWarehouse – Miss August, Evelynn, My Deepest Dream (metal)

WEEkly GiGS

SundayPopcorn – Innocuous Voodoo (funk) • 10 p.m.

MondayPopcorn – Grant’s Open Jam • 10 p.m.

TuesdayPopcorn – Paulie • 10 p.m.Root Note – 3rd Relation Jazz • 8 p.m.

ThursdayStarlight – Kies & Kompanie (jazz) • 5 p.m.Root Note – Open Mic • 8 p.m.Popcorn – Dave Orr’s Blues jam • 10 p.m.

Send your music schedule to editor@secondsupper.com.

MUSIC

open daily 7 am–10 pm

315 Fifth Ave. So.La Crosse, WI

tel. 784.5798www.pfc.coop

eat fresh!eat local!go co-op!

all are welcome

After a little over a year of laying lowandwritingandrecording, local indieduoClick Track have surfaced with their freshdebut album,Memories, aneclectic assort-ment of tracks featuring a quite dynamicrange of musical influ-ences,allcenteredaroundachameleonicsynthesizer,sortoflikeMGMT’saddic-tivedebut. Click Track doesn’tsoundlikeMGMT,though,andthisalbumis,toputitbluntly,allover theplace,butthat’snotnecessarilyanegativething. Takeforexamplethetrack, “Lucky 7s,” whichopens with some ephemeral synth atmo-sphere,thenbleedsintoasimplePixies-styledrumandbassbeatthatturnsintoapoppychillwave chorus before enveloping into asynth part that is vaguely similar to an oldSuperNintendogamesoundtrack. Ormaybeconsider thealbum’sopen-ingtrack,“DangerousChildren,”asongrifewithsimpleguitarhooksandupbeatdrumsthatgetsdelightfully interruptedbyapuls-ingsynthrhythmbeforegoingonanall-outsurfrockbinge. Thisalbumhasallof thetambourine,poppy vocal melodies and buoyant drumsyou could ask for, mixed with a generousdoseoffunandquirkysynthesizer.Attimes,though,thissynthrockindieoutfitwillmakeyoufeelasthoughyou’restuckonthefinalbossbattleofaSegaGenesisgame,particu-larlyonthetrack“MarchofthePolkaWaltz”orintheMegaManXvibeson“LuckyNum-ber7s.”Butisallofthatsuchabadthing? Oneofmyfavoritetracksonthisrecord,“Driving Through Downtown,” is a prettydelightful amalgamation of Bright EyesandearlyFinalFantasyRPGs,andifyou’veplayedanyofthelatterandlistenedtoanyoftheformer,youcanprobablyrealizehowthedeepfeelingsofsadnessandlonginginher-ent in both could really complement each

other,andthatistheexactnichethatClickTrackhavenestledthemselvessosnuglyinto. Sowhatdoesthisbandhavetoof-ferbesidesabundant synthesizerandvideogamenostalgia? Well,forone,thefirstfewtrackshaveaprettyfunandwelcomingindiefeeltothem,and the second-to-last song, “Tiny Island,”has a rather interesting retro vibe to it, aswell. “AKALions”openswithanoff-putting

andquiteliterallion’sroar,like the start of an MGMfilm,butit’seasytogetpastonceyousinkintothejun-glebackgroundharmoniesandsweetxylophonesynthmelody. And, of course, title andclosing track “Memories”willwarmtheheartofanyModest Mouse fan as thesimpleguitarhookandvo-calharmonyarekissedbya

warmelectronicwave,subtlyremindingyouofthemessyandexcitingalbumyoujustlis-tenedto. Asfarasfreshmanreleasesgo,Memo-riesisfarfromperfect,butitisanexcitingfirst step made by a very promising youngband.Thebigquestionyoumayhavetocon-frontiswhetherornotalloftheinlaidsynth-popnostalgiawillbotheryou,becauseifnot,you’vegotapretty coolnew indieband tofostersomelocalsupportfor.

Coulee CutsMemoriesClick Track

By Jason Criderjason.crider@secondsupper.com

"Enlightened"Sunday, Jan. 13, 8:30 p.m. (HBO) Amy is a dim bulb who thirsts for en-lightenment. In season one of HBO’s ex-cellent series — created, produced by andstarringLauraDern—AmysetoffonaNewAge quest for higher consciousness after amental breakdown. In the season-two pre-miere, shecommitsherself toanewquest:bringingdownthecorporationthathasre-ducedhertoadata-processingdrone. DerndoesaskillfuljobofestablishingAmyasonehotmess.Forallherinterestinserenity, this woman could explode at anyminute,takingoutinnocentbystanderslike

her mother (Diane Ladd) and ex-partner(LukeWilson).Thegeniusof"Enlightened"is that it creates sympathy for Amy’s crazystabsattranscendence. Inthisweek’sepisode,shejustifiessteal-ing confidential documents to expose hercompany’scorruption: “For two minutes there I felt worthsomething. Like I was doing something —somethingreal.AndIwasalive.Itfeltgoodtofeelaliveforonce,andnotjustdeadandplasticandnumb.”Enemiesofthedeadandplasticandnumb would be well advised to tune in to"Enlightened."

For more of Dean's reviews, visit us online at www.secondsupper.com.

CONTINUED fROM PAGE 6

8// January 1, 2013 Second Supper | The Free Press

a mistake ending it with him. Then again, I’m living in a culture where women my age are all married with two kids, and I’m getting a lot of pressure to get married.

— Confused

Assumingyouaren’twillingorableto“datelocal,”thisguyiseffectivelythelastmanonearthforyou,atleastforayear.Yeah,sure,youcouldgoonadatingsiteandpiquesomenewguy’sinterest,butimaginethedirectionsforthefirstdate:“Hopa16-hourtransatlanticflight,takethreebuses,transfertothelocalmulecart,andtellSzylblczlkatoturnleftatthesecondgroupofgoatsintheroad.” Untilrecently,evenwiththousandsofmilesbetweenyou,thisguy’sbeenconvenientlylocated:stuckonyou.Itsoundslikeyouadmirehisgoodqualities—sortofinthewayagreatauntieappreciatesherlittlegrand-nephew’saccomplishmentsinthemacaroniarts.But,romance?Nuh-uh.Notfeelin’it.Friendshiponly.Andthat’sfinal.Well,sortoffinal.Because,whileabsence,punctuatedbytheoccasionalSkypechat,couldn’tmaketheheartgrowfonder,there’snothingthatginsupfeelinginagirllikethesuddenandinexplicabledisappearanceofaguyafteryearsofhistongue-dragging,tail-wagging,puppydog-likereliability. Addingtothisallure,you’rethesingle

New kid on the blocI spent the last two years in the Peace Corps

in Eastern Europe and just committed to another year. Before my assignment, I was dating a decent guy, but I told him it was temporary. When I was home on leave this summer, it was evident he hadn't let the relationship go. I reiterated that I just wanted friendship, but when I was back in Europe he emailed, asking if I still love him. He’s always been really supportive, and even visited me in my fi rst year, but I again told him I didn’t have romantic feelings for him. He asked for time to get over us. I promised not to contact him until he contacted me. This month, after three months of silence, he messaged me saying he wanted to talk, but now he won’t respond to my emails to set up a Skype date. I miss him terribly and wonder if I made

The Advice GoddessBy Amy Alkonamy.alkon@secondsupper.com

ladysurroundedbyallthesehappyvillagercouples.Thisleadstoyoutellingyourselfthatmaybeyou’reonlynowrecognizingtheguy’swonderfulness,butwhatyou’rereallysayingis“Idon’tparticularlyhavefeelingsforhim,buthe’salwayshadfeelingsforme,andI’mkindalonelyoverhereinUpperEasternWherever,wherethemilkmaidnextdoorjustgotmarriedat14.” ParaphrasingKantonhowpeopleshouldn’tbetreatedasmeanstoanend,“Don’tbeauser!That’s,like,sobogue.”Instead,engageinatrulyhumanitariangesture—leavetheguyalonesohecangetyououtofhissystemandgofindsomebodyelse.Ideally,she’llalso“misshimterribly”whenthey’reapart—butnotsimplybecausehe’stheonemanshehascontactwithwholacksbothawifeandthebeliefthatpink#300sandpaperdoublesforWhiteCloudandaglassofwarmwateristheweek’sbath.

Casing AmyI’m a straight man who’s become friends

with two bona-fi de, card-carrying lesbians. One I met hiking and the other is a coworker. Dominique and Angelique (not their real names) are both very attractive. I consider each a good friend, have lunched with them, hugged them, and met their respective unattractive partners (each of whom looks like a man). I know they are not interested in men, yet I continue to have

prurient thoughts about them, and fi nd this continuing attraction to gay women confusing.

— Wrong Hots

Wait.You’reaheterosexualmanwhohasthehotsforhotwomenwhogetitonwithotherwomen?Weird.Andyet,theremustbeothermenouttherewhofeelasyoudo,consideringthevastselectionofvideostitled“HotLesbianAction,”andthepaucityoftitleslike“TwoLesbianSoccerMomsNuzzleOnTheCouchWhileSharingABagOfKaleChips.”Guesswhat:Youaren’tattractedtogaywomen;you’reattractedtoextremelyattractivewomen,someofwhomhappentobegay.(Notsurprisingly,whencomingupwithaliasesforyourfriends,youreachfornamesthataremorestripperthanladyfieldhockeycoach.)Ifyou’recontenttoremainales-bro—astraightguywho’sfriendswithlesbians—yourlesbianfriendscanprovideyouwithpricelessbenefits:unlimitedinsightintothebizarrethinkingandbehaviorofwomen.Justbesureyoualwayskeepafirmgriponthebottomline:Iftheywereintomen,they’dbedatingamaninsteadofawomanwhokindoflookslikeone.

(c) 2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved.Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon at AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).

Our February edition of Second Supper | The Free Press publishes Feb. 1. Our advertising deadline is Jan. 25. For information, email roger.bartel@secondsupper.com.

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