VIRTUAL TRAINING Practical Leadership 2.0

VIRTUAL TRAINING

Practical Leadership 2.0: Building Engaged Teams

Table of Contents | PL 2.0 - Building Engaged Teams | © Negstad Consulting, LLC

VIRTUAL TRAINING

PRACTICAL LEADERSHIP 2.0Building Engaged Teams

CONTENTS

SESSION 1Training Slides ................................................. 1

Homework SESSION 11. Teams as a Relationship System ................... 13

2. Team Leader Competencies ......................... 14


Homework SESSION 2 ............................ 27


Resources ....................................................... 37

Resources For Supervising Remote Teams ........ 39

We’ve Got To Stop Meeting This Way ................. 40

How To Build An Engaged Team ........................ 41

Balancing Task, Relationship, and Process ......... 42

Team Relationship Agreements or Simple Rules . 44

Implicit Behaviors ............................................. 46

Sample Team Agreements ................................ 47

Communication Guidelines for a Brave Space .... 49

Sample Adaptive Action Questions .................... 50

Coaching Questions For A Team System ........... 52

FAIR ................................................................ 53

Let’s Talk ......................................................... 54

Resolving A Long-Term Misunderstanding .......... 55

Teamwork Assessment .................................... 56

The Magic of Dialogue ...................................... 57

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NOTES

Group Agreements

• Focus on your own learning• Confidentiality

Practical Leadership 2.0 – Building Engaged Teams

We encourage questions!


HOPES CONCERNS


Building Engaged Teams

SESSION 1

Practical Leadership 2.0

PAGE 2 | PL 2.0 - Building Engaged Teams | © Negstad Consulting, LLC

NOTES

a TEAM is...“a group of people

who need each other to accomplish a result”

– Peter Senge


a TEAM is...a collective of 2 or more

people who need to coordinate together in order

to obtain shared goal(s).



is an engaged team?WHAT

teams?WHY

to build an engaged teamHOW

A word about inclusion



NOTES

“Collaboration makes us more creative because working with

others gives us new and unexpected concepts and makes it more likely

our brains will engage in more conceptual activity.”

– Keith Sawyer, Group Genius


WHY Teams?

Groups are better at evaluating ideas


WHY Teams?

Why Teams?

1 + 1 > 2


WHY Teams?


teams?WHY

WHY Teams?


NOTES

Context: Complexity

Shift from Expertise to Inquiry


WHY Teams?

Context: Complexity

Lead with Empathy


WHY Teams?

Context: Complexity

Change is...• Unpredictable• Happening at many different levels at

same time• Caused by factors that are unknowable


WHY Teams?

Complex Problems


simple complicated complex

– Adapted from Cynefin framework developed by Dave Snowden

WHY Teams?


NOTES

“One of my favorite questions today is: How do we turn our

collective full-bodied intelligence towards collaboration, if that is

the way we will survive?”

– adrienne maree brown


WHY Teams?

Context: Complexity

Working with Polarities

Both/AndNOT

Either/Or


WHY Teams?

Context: Complexity

Focus on Patterns not Problems


WHY Teams?

“The small group is the unit of transformation

[of communities].”

– Peter Block


WHY Teams?


NOTES

Individual


WHAT is an engaged Team?



Think of a really well-functioning team

you were apart of




is anengaged team?

WHAT


NOTES

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to access, express

and use our emotions in a productive and effective way.



“Rather than define leadership either as a position of authority... or as a

personal set of characteristics, we may find it a great deal more useful to define leadership as an activity”

— Ronald A. Heifetz



“Leadership is a choice, not a position.”

– Stephen R. Covey



Lead • er • ship

Taking responsibility for achieving a purpose or fulfilling a vision for oneself or a group

with a collective interest




NOTES

Psychological SafetyA sense of confidence that the team will not embarrass, reject, or judge

someone for speaking up.

Everyone feels comfortable to say what they really think.



Social IntelligenceIs the ability to intuit how others

feel based on nonverbal cues.

Is the ability to connect and get along with others.





Psychological Ownership




NOTES

Engaged Teams...are formed around

organizational strategynot

organizational structure



Ideal Team Size4 to 8



Safety

Comfort



Safe Spaceto

Brave Space




NOTES

Engaged Teams...Have a clear purpose



In Engaged Teams...members work directly with each other, not just through

the team leader



Engaged Teams...everyone talks and listens in roughly equal measure



Engaged Teams...focus on inquiry

and are transparent about advocacy




NOTES

See you back herein one week


Wrap-Up Thoughts



Homework

Questions?



NOTES

Thank You

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twitter.com/#!/lisanegstad




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homework SESSION 1

1. TEAM AS A RELATIONSHIP SYSTEMThink about a team on which you participate or lead. Reflect and answer these questions about that team. And/or, think about these questions the next time(s) that you meet with that team.

a. What do you notice about the distribution of listening and talking of participants on your team?

b. What do you observe about the other individual team members taking responsibility for the whole team?

c. What inner roles (e.g. peacekeeper, questioner, resister, change agent, etc.) are held in your team?

Do the inner roles move around on your team or are they “stuck” with one person?

d. Where does your team seem to have sticking points? What are issues that your team seems to keep coming back to? What patterns does your team have that you would like to keep and what patterns does your team have that you would like to change?

e. What coaching questions could I ask this team when it gets stuck?


homework SESSION 1

2. TEAM LEADER COMPETENCIESReview the list of Team Leader Competencies and rate yourself on each one.

TEAM LEADER COMPETENCIES

RATINGI need to work on this = 1

I’m mediocre at this = 2I’m pretty good at this = 3

I excel at this = 4

Be present and embrace whatever is happening in the moment

Be transparent

Encourage all team members to be leaders

Share facilitation of team meetings

Cultivate appropriate timing for an activity or project

Help place the current moment/activity in the context of the larger team and organizational goals

Surface conflict in a constructive manner

Help the team to decide together how they will design and develop the team agendas

Encourage and support all team-related conversations to happen within the team (not on the sidelines)

Avoid taking too much responsibility/share responsibility with others on the team

Encourage an equal amount of talking and listening by each member of the group

Hold yourself accountable to the team agreements

Focus on noticing and asking powerful questions rather than providing answers

Work on your own cross-cultural agility and support a value of inclusion for your team the whole organization

Commit to recognizing and confronting bias, discrimination and racism

Help team members feel comfortable in ambiguous and uncertain situations

See patterns happening within the team and across the organization


NOTES

Ideal size 4 - 8Have a clear purpose

Formed around organizational strategynot structure

Focus on inquiry and advocacyEveryone talks and listens equally

Members engage directly with each other


Emotional Intelligence

Psychological Ownership




teams?WHY



SESSION 2

Practical Leadership 2.0


NOTES

Video…


Relationship System Intelligence


is the ability to relate to the team as a single, integrated whole

vs. a collective of individuals.

Adapted from Organizational and Relationship System Coaching (ORSC) by CRR Global.



Each team has its own unique identity

Builds awareness of existing patterns




Reveal the SYSTEM to itself



NOTES

What are the key roles of aneffective team leader?


HOW to build an engaged team

Role of Team Leader

Help Team Balance


TASK

RELATIONSHIPPROCESS



to build anengaged team

HOW



/ Inner Roles



NOTES

Attending to the balance of...

TaskProcess

Relationship... fosters inclusion



Task

What the team is accomplishing together



Process

What steps the team is takingto accomplish the tasks together



Relationship

How the team behaves with each other




NOTES

A facilitator guides the process but does not

control the outcome



Role of Team Leader

Be a Good Facilitator



Givens


Freedomto

Operate


PROCEDURES

RESOURCES

FINANCIAL

EXTERNALRELATIONSHIPS

INTELLECTUALPROPERTY

PURPOSE

STRATEGICDIRECTION

ORGANIZATIONALSTRUCTURE

LAWS

POLICIES & PROCEDURES

SUPERVISOR MUST-HAVES

Role of Team Leader

Establish the Givens




NOTES

Build Relationship Trust




sincerity

reliability

competency

care


Reliability



Sincerity




NOTES



HOW

Psychological Safety

A sense of confidence that the team will not embarrass, reject, or judge

someone for speaking up.

Everyone feels comfortable to say what they really think.



Care



Competency




NOTES

Develop Simple Rules

Team agreements about how we will work with each other

— Adapted from work of Human Systems Dynamics Institute and CRR Global (Organization and Relationship System Coaching).



Simple Rules…

Are positively statedUse action verbs

Best to have 5 - 7 for a team



Simple Rules…

Describe patterns we want in our team, and ultimately, the world



Sample Simple Rules…• We will be straightforward with

each other.

• We will hold ourselves accountable to being equal members of the team.

• If we feel judgment, we will turn it into curiosity.




NOTES

Step 2

How do we need to behave with each other to cultivate the

atmosphere or climate we want to have together?



Step 1

What kind of atmosphere or climate do we want to have

as we work together?



Role of Team Leader

Help Team Balance


TASK

RELATIONSHIPPROCESS


Process:

Creating Simple Rules




NOTES

Step 3

What are behaviors you want to see when conflict occurs?

What are behaviors you DON’T want to see when conflict occurs?



SAMPLETeam Conflict Protocol:

Welcome multiple viewpoints(agree to disagree)

Own your intentions and impacts/no attacks

Lean into discomfort

Let go of stories you create about what is happening

Don't take things personallyPractical Leadership 2.0 – Building Engaged Teams


Step 4

Hone your list of behaviors into a set of 5 to 7

• Positively stated• Using an action verb



Creating Simple Rules




NOTES

See you back herein one week


Wrap-Up Thoughts



Homework

Questions?



NOTES



SCAN ME

Thank You

[email protected]





This is your opportunity to practice the tools introduced in Session 2. Please choose and do one of the following activities before coming to Session 3.

OPTION 1Take time in your next team meeting to do a relationship trust building go-around activity. Before each one of these, introduce the concept of a Team Check-in before each meeting.

Explain that it will help everyone to “land” and be ready/present for the meeting. It’s important to not call on people, always allow a “pass.”

1A Go around and let each individual pick one of the questions from the list – How to build an engaged team: Building Relationship Trust

1B Go around and pick one word to describe how you are feeling coming into this meeting.

1C Go around and give one high point from your work week.

1D Go around and give your energy number.

What is your energy number between 1 and 10? (1 extremely low, 10 extremely high and anywhere in between)

OPTION 2Start the process of developing Simple Rules (Team Agreements) with your team.

It’s helpful to explain that effective teams not only do work together but also think about how they do the work together. And you would like to start having team conversations about the “how” you do work together.

Have a team conversation about the first question. (What kind of atmosphere or climate do we want to have as work together?)

OPTION 3At the end of your next team meeting, introduce the concept of doing a short team assessment of how the team meeting went. Try one of these tools.

1. Use Plus/Delta Have everyone go around and say one thing they liked about the meeting (Plus) and one thing they would change about the meeting (Delta).

2. Use Rose/Bud/Thorn Have everyone go around and say on thing that worked for them in the meeting (Rose), one thing that had promise in the meeting (Bud), and one thing that did not work for them in the meeting (Thorn).

homework SESSION 2


NOTES

Complex Problems

Practical Leadership 2.0 - Building Engaged Teams

simple complicated complex

– Adapted from Cynefin framework developed by Dave Snowden


HomeworkReview



teams?WHY



PracticalLeadership 2.0

SESSION 3


NOTES

Adaptive Action

What?

So What?

Now What?


– Adapted from Eoyang and Holladay Adaptive Action: Leveraging Uncertainty in Your Organization


Context: Complexity

Shift from Expertise to Inquiry





HOW

In Breakouts1. Introduce yourself

2. Answer this question together:–What’s the difference between a

complicated and a complex problem?

3. Take turns sharing examples of complex problems you have faced in the last week.

Note: You have 8 minutes for this breakout



NOTES

Adaptive ActionWhat?


So What? Now What?

Now what do we want to do?What are our next 1 or 2 steps?

What will we do together?Who will handle what part?



Adaptive Action


So what does this mean for us?What surprises us?

So what might we expect in the future?So what are the risks and benefits?

So what are the tensions?


What? So What? Now What?


Adaptive ActionWhat?


So What? Now What?

What do you notice?What changes have occurred?

What is same or different?How do we feel?

What does our gut say?What else do we know about the situation?– Adapted from Eoyang and Holladay Adaptive Action: Leveraging Uncertainty in Your Organization


Stuckin

Analysis

Leapsto

Action




NOTES

In Breakouts1. Person whose first name is closet to ”A”

in the alphabet will be facilitator

2. Pretend like you are a team working on the Sticky Issue

3. Brainstorm What? So What? Now What? questions for that Sticky Issue

You have 10 minutes for this breakout



Adaptive Action

What?

So What?

Now What?




Sticky Issues



What?So What?

Now What?

What?

So What?

Now What?




NOTES

Ways to manage conflict• Understand each other's styles

• Notice it and surface it

• Have rules for how to engage

• Acknowledge all sides

• Take time to understand all perspectives



Pitfalls of avoiding conflict

• Increase stress• Barrier to trust• Feelings of being misunderstood

– alienated• Explodes/magnified later



Conflict in Teams



What?So What?

Now What?

What?

So What?

Now What?




NOTES

Facilitation iskey in conflict



Supervisor goes FIRST then moves into facilitator role.

– Adapted from www.LewisDD.com


Four Steps when you sense tension:

1. Gain all the views2. Listen for the "no”–

is there a different view?

3. Spread the "no"–does anyone else feel this way?

4. Now we have heard all aspects, let's vote –who agrees with that? If anyone does not agree ask "What do you need to come along?”– Adapted from www.LewisDD.com



Conflict as energy for change in a system




NOTES

• Daily check-in (5 minutes)

• Weekly tactical (real-time agenda)

• Monthly strategic (2-3 hours)

• Quarterly off-site (1-2 days)

– Adapted from Patrick Lencioni, "Death by Meeting"



Schedule/Typeof meeting



Team PurposeWhy do we need each other?



Team Mechanics




NOTES

Questions?


Short & Real-Time Meeting Assessments:

Rose/Bud/Thorn

Puls/Delta



Time for assessing team goals

and team culture



Share Facilitation




NOTES

Thank You

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WE’VE GOT TO STOP MEETING THIS WAY


Building Relationship Trust

MAKING CONNECTIONS

Purpose: The more individual team members get to know each other on a personal level, the more trust is developed. This also helps to build healthy working relationships.

Instructions:Go around your table and have everyone choose one of these questions to answer.

1. What part of your 5-year-old self are you most like today?

2. What was the most difficult or important challenge of your childhood?

3. What is something you are passionate about?

4. Tell us about the first dollar you ever earned.

5. Tell us about an elder who has been important in your life.

HOW TO BUILD AN ENGAGED TEAM


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Task, Relationship, Process. There has been a lot of use of this framework, originally created by Jehn as an intragroup conflict scale in the 90s. But these categories can also be used to help us, as leaders, pay attention to, and find balance between, these different parts of our team’s development.

We can easily focus too heavily on any one of the three areas. Often we are overly focused on task, but it could be relationship or process that are out of balance. We want to be tuning into all three with our teams, so we can make adjustments to maintain the right alignment.

Before we dig in, it’s important to remember that balance does not mean equal. The focus of your team might need to shift towards task, relationship or process over time. More time spent on relationships when new team members are added, a heavier focus on process when things shift (like to remote work), or an emphasis on task when important deadlines are looming.

The balance between the three will shift over time, but by attending to each area we ensure we don’t lose sight of any one of them. Here are some ways to get started in each area:

TASK: It’s easy to focus almost solely on tasks. After all, we have work to do! But we don’t want to overdo it, especially when our meetings are happening remotely and burn out is real. Here are a few ideas for balancing tasks in your remote teams:

1. Have shorter, more frequent meetings.

2. Use Adaptive Action for quick planning sessions. Asking questions like these can help you get organized and take action: What have we learned since the last time we met? So what is most important right now? Now, what will we each do before our next meeting? (credit: Human Systems Dynamics Institute)

3. Use breakouts, subgroups, and assignments when possible. Get clear on what activities need to be completed as a team during the meeting and what can be assigned to individuals or groups outside of the group meeting time.

PROCESS: Providing a framework for HOW team meetings and interactions will go can provide certainty even in the context of uncertainty. And there is certainly a lot of uncertainty these days. Here are some ideas for setting that framework:

1. Create the agenda on a shareable document where people can add items.

2. Have some set agenda items, which include relationship AND task items. Here are three ideas for adding “relationship” into your agenda:

• Do a check-in at the beginning of each meeting to see if people want a little time/space to just “be” together or would people rather focus (if people want both, leave hang out time at the end or take turns with the type of meeting).

• As a facilitator, think of 1 or 2 check-in questions that would be most useful to the team right now. e.g. What are your hopes for this meeting? What part of you doesn’t want to be here? What is on your mind today? What is one question you would like answered by the end of this meeting? (credit: www.lewisdd.com)

Balancing Task, Reationship, and ProcessBALANCING TASK, RELATIONSHIP, AND PROCESS


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• Notice if there is tension and don’t be afraid to say something like “I just noticed energy shifted, did you?” or “Seems like we have differing views here, let’s take some time to hear each one of them.”

3. Share the facilitation of the team meeting to build shared leadership. Consider a facilitation training for you and your team to learn this skill.

RELATIONSHIP: It’s important to build and foster strong relationships on your team, while also honoring individual needs. It’s inevitable that your team will face challenges, change, uncertainty, and disagreement. Here are ideas for building connection and resilience on your team:

1. Surface disagreements when they show up. Model that it’s okay to have differing ideas/disagreement, after all, they can lead to some of our best work.

2. Think about scheduling times when your team is working individually at the same time. That way you can collaborate on ideas, address issues more immediately, and capture what Adam Grant describes as “burstiness” similar to when you were working together in the same office.

3. Give an “opt-out” option once a quarter if your teammates need a Zoom break, they can miss one of the meetings.

Balancing Task, Reationship, and ProcessBALANCING TASK, RELATIONSHIP, AND PROCESS


SET CONTEXT

1. Why spend focused time on this together?

• Creates an explicit foundation from which all work will occur

• Way to consciously design work atmosphere / culture each of you wants

• Sets clear decision-making and conflict protocols

• The process itself helps create cohesion and alignment

• Even if circumstances change, the atmosphere that is designed together still carries

over to the new circumstances

CO-DESIGN THE DESIRED ATMOSPHERE

1. Brainstorm answers to these questions — First individually, then together. Take one question at a time.

• What are your hopes and fears about how we work together?

• What behaviors do we need to demonstrate in order to support our hopes and

mitigate our fears?

• What kind of atmosphere or climate do you want to have as we work together?

• What will help us (individually and collectively) to thrive and flourish?

CONFLICT PROTOCOL

• How do we want to behave when things get difficult?

• What behaviors do you want to see when conflict occurs?

What behaviors do you NOT want to see when conflict occurs?

2. Bring team back together to share answers, cull and develop one list of agreements.

• Are they stated in the present using action verbs?

• Is there at least 4 and no more than 7?

TEAM RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENTS1 OR SIMPLE RULES2


1Adapted from: Designing Team Alliance, Organization and System Relationship Coaching, CRR Global. 2Adapted from: Adaptive Action, Eoyang and Holloday, HSD Institute

3. Note if there are specific behaviors that are part of agreements. If not, you may need to ask follow-up question

Referring to the desired team atmosphere: How will you know you have that atmosphere? In other words, what are the signs we have that desired atmosphere?

CREATE CO-RESPONSIBILITY / ACCOUNTABILITY

1. Emphasize that each member of the team is co-responsible in creating the experience and culture that they want for the team.

2. Prepare a clean draft of team agreement created in Step II.

3. Take time to answer these questions for each Team Agreement

• What does this behavior mean to me?

• So what are the ways I am already seeing this pattern in my team(s)?

• Now what can I do to expand this pattern in my team(s)?

TEAM RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENTS1 OR SIMPLE RULES2


What implicit behaviors does your team have that you would like to change?

What implicit behaviors does your team have that you would like to highlight and expand upon?

HOLDING OURSELVES ACCOUNTABLE FOR EACH SIMPLE RULE

What does this Simple Rule mean to me?What does this Simple Rule mean to the team and our purpose?

So what are the ways I see this pattern in my work?

So what are examples of when the team lives this Simple Rule?

Now what can I do to expand this pattern in my work?

How can we all stay present to expanding this pat-tern in our team?

IMPLICIT BEHAVIORS


Sample #1Overarching Value: We inspire confidence in colleagues, clients and partners by always acting with integrity, fairness, respect and reliability.

Behaviors:

• Act with highest level of honesty and integrity

• Share agendas and objectives, encouraging feedback and discussing things in an open, collaborative and respectful manner

• Takes responsibility and delivers on commitment

• Acts confidently but never arrogantly

• Respects decisions and supports them with enthusiasm and follow-through

• Assumes positive intentions, viewing conflict as an opportunity to find constructive solutions that help all succeed

Sample #2• Respectful of each other and assume best intent

• Supportive of differences, consider all points of view

• Embrace change

• Make space for each member to process conversations

• Value different work styles

• Each member leads and takes responsibility

• No gossip

• Genuine kindness, not just being nice

• Direct yet gentle communication

• Self-manage negative non-verbal communication

Sample #3• Trust each member’s intentions

• Respect different viewpoints and perspectives

• Listen for understanding

• Be straight forward (no dancing around issues or conflicts)

• If a conflict with one other member, go first directly to that person to solve

• Encourage feedback from each other

SAMPLE TEAM AGREEMENTS


Sample #4Peer Spirit Circle Agreements:

• Personal material shared in the circle is confidential

• We listen to each other with curiosity and compassion – withholding judgment

• We ask for what we need and offer what we can

• From time to time, we pause to regather our thoughts or focus

Sample #5• Own your own feelings, reactions and behaviors

• Listen to understand the other person’s perspective

• Don’t make assumptions

• Name the elephant when you see it

• Practice radical candor

• Don’t blame (or otherwise harm) the messenger

Sample #6Human Systems Dynamics: www.hsdinstitute.orgStance of Inquiry• Turn judgment into curiosity

• Turn disagreement into shared exploration

• Turn defensiveness into self-reflection

• Turn assumptions into questions

SAMPLE TEAM AGREEMENTS


© created by AWARE-LA please credit author for more info visit: www.awarela.org

Communication Guidelines for a Brave Space 1. Welcome multiple viewpoints

Speak from your own experience by using “I statements.” Ask questions to understand the sources of disagreements.

2. Own your intentions and your impactsRespect each other’s experiences and feelings by taking responsibility for the effects of your words. On the other side, if you have a strong reaction to something, let the group know. Be open to dialogue.

3. Work to recognize your privileges Use this space to recognize and investigate your privileges (for example: class, gender, sexual orientation, ability). Honor the different experiences we all bring to this space.

4. Take risks: Lean into discomfort We are all in process. Challenge yourself to contribute even if it is not perfectly formulated.

5. Make spaceShare speaking time and try to speak after others who have not spoken.

6. Notice and name group dynamics in the moment We are all responsible for this space. Be aware of how others are responding or not responding. Ask for a “time out” or dialogue if needed.

7. Actively listen Use your energy to listen to what is said before thinking about how to respond. Notice when defensiveness and denial arise.

8. Challenging with careFind ways to respectfully challenge others and be open to challenges of your own views. Think about ho w to question ideas without personal attacks.

9. ConfidentialityShare the message, not the messenger.

10. Break it downUse simple language and background information when necessary. Ask for clarification if needed.

COMMUNICATION GUIDELINES FOR A BRAVE SPACE


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Sample Adaptive Action Questions WHAT? Questions

• What has happened up to this point?• What do we observe?• What are our team member’s perspectives about this?• What has shifted or changed since last time?• What is working well? • Where are there gaps?• What is happening in context that will help us understand what has happened so far?• What results have we seen already?• What have we learned so far?• What has surprised the most?• What questions do we have?• What do we want to be the same or different in the future?• What is a time when we were at our best, what were the conditions that enabled this?• What don’t we know yet?• What is unknowable?• What do we know for a fact?

SO WHAT? Questions

• So what does this mean to us? • So what have we learned so far?• So what is important?• So where are the tensions?• So what are the risks?• So what assumptions have been confirmed or denied?• So what do we know about the underlying dynamics?• So what possible futures do we see if nothing changes?• So what are the possible options for action?• So what have we not yet tried?• So what questions are emerging?• So what would it take to ______?• So how could we ______?• So who might ______?• So what do we sense is true but we have no data for yet?• So what flaws might we have in our reasoning?

SAMPLE ADAPTIVE ACTION QUESTIONS


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Sample Adaptive Action QuestionsNOW WHAT? Questions

• Now what is one step we can take right now?

• Now what option for action is most highly leveraged?

• How will we know if we are successful or not successful?

• How will we keep working on the goal, issue, or problem?

• Now what message will we send to others?

• Now what data or information do we need for the next cycle?

• Now what will we do, measure, communicate, or look for next?

• Now what data should we collect for the next adaptive cycle?

• Now what should we document to support future learning?

SAMPLE ADAPTIVE ACTION QUESTIONS


• How does/did that land?

• The energy just shifted/dropped/spiked. What happened?

• What are you noticing in the room right now?

• How would you describe the feelings here?

• Let’s stop for a second, what’s going on?

• Is there an elephant in the room right now?

• What is trying to happen here?

• Everyone just got quiet

• This feels like a hot topic

• I noticed that there was an escalation

• I can feel the ripples of what just happened

• What is trying to get our attention?

• Let’s slow everything down for a minute…

• I’m noticing, sensing, seeing, hearing...

• It’s feeling like...

• What are the real issues here?

• What else is important to this conversation?

• What seems to be blocking us?

• How are we each feeling about this situation in front of us?

• How can we be supportive of each other and still hold space for disagreement?

— Adapted from Reading the Emotional Field, Organization and Relationship System Coaching, CRR Global.

COACHING QUESTIONS FOR A TEAM SYSTEM

© Negstad Consulting, LLC | PL 2.0 - Building Engaged Teams | PAGE 53 PAGE 1 of 1 © Negstad Consulting, LLC

Lisa Negstad • 612 [email protected]/NegstadConsulting linkedin.com/in/negstadconsulting/twitter.com/#!/lisanegstadwww.negstadconsulting.com

FAIRWhat do I / we want? What’s the common interest we all hold?

What are the facts?

What is the situation?

What is the best way to frame for ALL involved?

We have the capacity to find a way forward

Assume positive intent

What does our experience tell us?

What strengths can we bring?

What is a goal that we can all agree on?

Are we willing to resolve this without blame?

Why is it important to resolve this?

Be present and open – focus on listening

Use questions that are genuine, open and seek to learn other’s perspectives.

Explore using genuine and open questions

Seek first to understand

Have each team member share their perspective. Take turns listening.

Reflect alone and together

• What have we learned?

• What possibilities have opened up?

• How do I feel?

What follow-up is needed? Or What are next steps?

• Here’s what I will do…

• How will we go forward with this?

• Do we have a resolution or what do we need to keep working on?

“I didn’t get it yet, but I would like to stay in conversation.”

– From “Kindling Group Magic” by Sallie Lee

Frame

Affirm

Inquiry

Reflect & Resolve

FAIR


Let’s Talk Why do we engage in Let’s Talk?

To stay in relationship To work through tensions productively

To say what needs to be said To diffuse conflict before it causes harm

Steps 1. Agree and set guidelines: What guidelines are needed to have this conversation?

There are three implied rules (see below). If we cannot agree to these rules, we cannot do the process.

What additional guidelines are needed? What does the other person need in order to come along for the conversation?

2. Say it all: What needs to be said?

Take turns so each has an opportunity to say it all. Don’t be polite. Be sharp and clear. Don’t hold back! Don’t defend. Listen for oohs (the gut punches) and aahs (the light bulbs).

3. Own the grains: What are the grains of truth in what the other person said?

What has hit home? Use “I” statements. Identify at least one grain of truth each.

4. Resolve the issue: Where do we go from here?

Use the grains of truth to decide on the next steps and to build the relationship.

Three Implied Rules No one has a monopoly on the truth. We want to stay in relationship. We are willing to learn and grow.

Two Variations By Person: The targets are individuals. Example: Coworkers Alice and Jun are having a conflict.

By Role: The targets are issues, feelings, or roles. Example: Spouses Jim and Bill are deciding whether or not to move to Canada.

LET’S TALK

www.LewisDD.com


RESOLVING A LONG-TERM MISUNDERSTANDING

The ConversationOPENINGI called this discussion because I have been confused about how to heal the misunderstandings we have had in the office. I have been afraid that my efforts to help would be taken the wrong way. We are focusing on a very difficult topic here. We need to set ground rules first. We are going to use a process, a natural progression of questions. Now, this is important—if you don’t agree with something someone says, listen first. We will let each person speak uninterrupted. We will get as many perspectives on each part of the situation as possible. What we come up with will not be exactly what any one person thinks, but will include the wisdom of each person. Are there any other ground rules that we need in order to participate?

OBJECTIVE QUESTIONSWhat was the first occasion you noticed things starting to go wrong?What was going on?What were the words said? Let’s get this data from as many angles as possible. We many have heard different things.

REFLECTIVE QUESTIONSWhich part of this situation made you the most upset?Which part bothered you the least?What past experiences were triggered for you?What is your reaction now?What surprises you about people’s reactions? Why?

INTERPRETIVE QUESTIONSWhat do you think is behind this?What did you really mean?What do you think someone else really meant? Why?What are you learning from this?

DECISIONAL QUESTIONSWhat shall we do to bring this to resolution?What are our next steps? Each person?

CLOSINGIt’s normal to have misunderstandings. Sorting them out to the stage of taking responsibility for the resolution is a very important thing to do.

The SituationOver a year ago, the company conducted an exercise that was supposed to be anti-racism training. However, the session led to a seri-ous misunderstanding between some people of two ethnic groups in the office. Since that time, they have felt confused and hurt, and at a loss for how to deal with the situation helpfully.

RATIONAL OBJECTIVESTo come to a mutual understanding of the problem.

EXPERIENTIAL AIMTo heal the wounds and to create some next steps.

HINTSThis type of conversation requires considerable flexibility. It is very difficult to fol-low exactly the pattern you have planned ahead of time. Prepare a lot of questions to try to anticipate various streams of responses.

OTHER APPLICATIONSThis type of conversation could help in dealing with tensions between teams or departments or other situations of unspoken conflict.

From Stanfield, R. Brian, et al. The Art of Focused Conversation: 100 Ways to Access Group Wisdom in the Workplace. (Canada, BC, Gabriola Island, 2000), 104.


4 Flip Charts with 4 categories1. What is working for me in this team?

2. What am I doing to improve my accountability to this team?

3. What changes are needed in this team to improve team effectiveness?

4. What do I need to feel even more engaged with this team?

Self Assessment1. Here’s where I contributed today

2. Here’s a learning edge for me

Feed Forward:1. One thing I value in working with you

2. One suggestion for you to consider

Rose, Bud, Thorn:Rose: One thing that worked or went really well

Bud: One thing that had promise

Thorn: One thing that did not work or go very well

Assessment Integration

We Heard... We Will...

TEAMWORK ASSESSMENT


By Daniel Yankelovich | Nonprofit QuarterlyVol 8, Issue 3, Fall 2001 | September 21, 2001

The act of collaboration must start with dialogue. You cannot build relationships without having an understanding of your potential partners, and you cannot achieve that understanding without a special form of communication that goes beyond ordinary conversation. Long-time observer of the American public Daniel Yankelovich shares with us his analysis of what dialogue is and how to do it.

Most people have two purposes for doing dialogue: to strengthen personal relationships and to solve problems. Both of these are crucial to collaboration. But what is dialogue, and what can it do for us that other ways of talking cannot?

Webster defines the purpose of dialogue as “seeking mutual understanding and harmony.” I put less emphasis on harmony than the dictionary does, because the outcome of dialogue is not always harmony. In fact, as a consequence of dialogue you may come to understand why you disagree so vehemently with someone else; there will be better understanding but not necessarily more harmony.

In philosopher Martin Buber’s classic work I and Thou, Buber suggests that in authentic dialogue something far deeper than ordinary conversation goes on. In Buber’s philosophy, life itself is a form of meeting and dialogue is the “ridge” on which we meet. In dialogue, we penetrate behind the polite superficialities and defenses in which we habitually armor ourselves. We listen and respond to one another with an authenticity that forges a bond between us. The act of reaching beyond the self to relate to others in dialogue is a profound human yearning. If it were less commonplace, we would realize what a miracle it is.

Doing dialogue takes special skills that most Americans do not yet possess. Effortless dialogue among people who think alike still does exist--but the cohesiveness of people who have grown into a shared worldview through a long-enduring relationship is increasingly rare.

All practitioners of dialogue emphasize that debate is the opposite of dialogue. The purpose of debate is to win an argument, to vanquish an opponent. Dialogue has very different purposes--it’s about exploring common ground. Dialogue is also different from discussion. Like discussion, dialogue can take place among a larger group than two people. But three distinctive features of dialogue differentiate it from discussion or other forms of talk. They are:

1. Equality and the absence of coercive influences. Mixing people of unequal status and authority does not necessarily preclude dialogue, but it makes it more difficult to achieve. Dialogue becomes possible only after mutual trust has been built and the higher-ranking people have, for the occasion, removed their badges of authority and are participating as true equals.

2. Listening with empathy. The gift of empathy--the ability to think someone else’s thoughts and feel someone else’s feelings--is indispensable to dialogue. This is why discussion is more common than dialogue: people find it easy to express their opinions and to bat ideas back and forth with others, but most of the time they don’t have either the motivation or the patience to respond empathically to opinions with which they may disagree or that they find uncongenial.

THE MAGIC OF DIALOGUE


3. Bringing assumptions into the open. Unexamined assumptions are a classic route to misunderstandings and errors of judgment. Dialogue requires that participants be uninhibited in bringing their own and other participants’ assumptions into the open, where, within the safe confines of the dialogue, others can respond to them without challenging them or reacting to them judgmentally.

I would like to suggest a number of strategies for successful dialogue. The first, a bedrock strategy, is to check for the presence of all three core requirements of dialogue--equality, empathic listening, and surfacing assumptions non-judgmentally--and learn how to introduce the missing ones.

HERE ARE TWO MORE THAT DEAL WITH BEGINNING A DIALOGUE.

Err on the side of including people who disagree. Many meetings take the form of preaching to the converted. This is because it is much easier to spend time congratulating people who agree with you on the wisdom of their views than to seek mutual understanding with people holding different views.

nitiate dialogue through a gesture of empathy. A gesture of empathy is probably the closest thing to an “open sesame” for dialogue. Gestures of empathy often come as a surprise. In our transactions with one another, we are so used to wearing defensive armor that expressions of empathy are unexpected--and disarming. (A gesture of empathy usually involves acknowledging the validity of the other person’s point of view.)

These next four strategies apply to the question of what to focus on during a dialogue.

Minimize the level of mistrust before pursuing practical objectives. It is difficult to empathize with people you mistrust or to reveal your deepest assumptions in the presence of those you mistrust. At the same time, however, dialogue is a trust-building process.

You need to incrementally establish a minimum level of trust to start a dialogue and then gradually build up enough to pursue a common objective.

Keep dialogue and decision-making compartmentalized. The most common purpose for initiating dialogue is decision-making. But the two must be kept separate or they will undermine each other. The line of demarcation between the two may be formal or informal, clear or vague, short or long.

For truly difficult decisions, the act of seeking mutual understanding through dialogue should come before all of the practical constraints and clash of interests involved in practical decision-making are brought to bear.

Focus on common interests, not divisive ones. For more on this, see also the article on the future search methodology in this issue of the magazine.

Use specific cases to raise general issues. This strategy is exactly how most Americans bring their experiences and understanding to bear on issues. They do not formulate the beliefs, principles, and convictions they have acquired from their life experiences as abstract principles, as a moral philosopher might do. Rather, they apply them to specific cases.

I’D LIKE TO SUGGEST THESE NEXT FIVE STRATEGIES AS FINER DISTINCTIONS FOR HOW TO SURFACE ASSUMPTIONS.

Bring forth your own assumptions before speculating on those of others. If you are willing to open up first, especially if what you say about your own assumptions shows you in a vulnerable light, it will make it easier for other participants to be equally open. What is gracious for you to admit to could be offensive if you attribute it to others.

Clarify assumptions that lead to subculture distortions. It is always useful to identify the main subcultures represented in a meeting and



to make the effort to understand their different styles of thought and participation. (Think of the different styles among businesspeople, academics, or journalists.) But it would be gratuitous--and possibly offensive to participants--to call attention to these stylistic differences unless they are actively interfering with the stated purpose of the dialogue.

Where applicable, identify mistrust as the real source of misunderstandings. If the mistrust is not deep or personal, a reasonably straightforward strategy is simply to bring it to the surface. To do this, you can offer a gesture of empathy that addresses the mistrust or you can say something like, “I know that we may not fully trust each other, but let’s try to talk things out for the sake of our common objective, or at least so that we can understand each other better.”

Expose old scripts to a reality check. This is a special form of surfacing assumptions. We interpret events according to our own unwritten “scripts.” These scripts are formed partially through individual experience and partially through the experience of organizations. Sometimes corporate cultures grow obsolete; their rituals and value systems persist even when circumstances have changed beyond recognition. Bringing assumptions into the open clarifies whether a script is still relevant to today’s realities.

Focus on conflicts between value systems, not people. Sometimes value systems are in conflict within the same individual--business trustees may be as concerned with fulfilling an organization’s mandate as they are about its viability as a business. Similarly, a group of physicians and administrators of a hospital may all have internalized the conflicting values between the traditional ethos of the physician and the business ethos of managed costs. The best strategy is for participants to work with one another to bring conflicting value systems into the open, where they can be judged in the light of the specific issues the organization faces.

EMOTIONS PLAY A CRITICAL ROLE IN DIALOGUE. THESE LAST THREE STRATEGIES DESCRIBE SOME CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS OF ADDRESSING THE EMOTIONS SURROUNDING DIALOGUE.

Be sure trust exists before addressing transference distortions. Psychologists use the word “transference” to describe the process of projecting onto others feelings originating in earlier experiences--for example, associating the behavior of your boss with that of your father during your childhood. But transference distortions are not like other hidden assumptions--they can get very personal. Bringing them into the open can be personally threatening and should be avoided unless a relationship of trust preexists the dialogue or is developed within it.

When appropriate, express the emotions that accompany strongly held values. Dialogue is never a mere technical or deliberative exercise. Dialogue always reaches into deep pockets of personal convictions and fundamental values.

If the status quo is to be subject to question, strong feelings are bound to surface.

Encourage relationships in order to humanize transactions. Reaching out to others during transactions to develop relationships, however brief or casual, is a strategy that most people follow automatically and intuitively. For example, it is almost instinctive for people who have been meeting to have lunch or dinner together even if it serves no practical purpose. All of us are drawn to the ancient ritual of breaking bread together.

THE MAGICThe very process of dialogue has a “civilizing” influence. Dialogue binds us together as communities. To engage in genuine dialogue is to create and strengthen such values of civil society as: building trust in one another; feeling familiar and comfortable together; finding it easy and natural to cooperate with one another and knowing how to create



the common ground on which successful cooperation depends; weaving a complex web of working relationships that cut across institutional boundaries; and feeling a sense of identity with those with whom one shares community.

If the values of reciprocity, stewardship, responsibility, citizenship, civic virtue, and love describe various facets of how we take care of one another in a civil society, it matters a great deal whether we like, respect, trust, and understand one another or stereotype, distance, distort, and mistrust one another. Civil society stands or falls on this foundation of feelings. The magic of dialogue is that it really does enhance respect and acceptance of others, thereby creating community and social capital.

ENDNOTEThis article is adapted from Daniel Yankelovich’s book, The Magic of Dialogue: Transforming Conflict into Cooperation (Simon & Schuster, 1999). Reprinted with permission.

ABOUT THE AUTHORDaniel Yankelovich is the chairman and founder of Viewpoint Learning, Inc. and the Public Agenda. He is an adviser to large corporations, government, and professional organizations.


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version: April 28, 2021

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