We know, we know, it’s a little late and we forgot to spam you on Facebook, chase you across the drillfield and pester you with flyers in your classrooms—but we wanted to give you one last choice for homecoming candidates. Thus, allow us to introduce you to Chase, Chase Broads. Chase is a student at Virginia Tech and is involved in virtually nothing! He’s the real king you want to have; he’s down to earth, real and better than your other options. He’s much smarter than you, he can shotgun a beer in three sec-onds, and he won’t make you dance like you have a nose bleed. Check out the details below and don’t forget, take it to the face!

Candidate Profilename: Chase Broadsage: 22BaCkground: I came from a wholesome Midwestern town where I learned how to drink in a corn field. I won my first game of quarters at age eight, and began shaving on my tenth birthday.

SPeCial talents: I can shotgun a beer in three seconds, though your mom will fall in love with me in two.

aCComPlishments: I‘m going to graduate with a 4.0, which I never thought possible un-til my advisor told me about Virginia Tech’s Communications program. Who knew college would be so easy without the homework? I’m currently undefeated in Civil War, was the

Master of Ceremonies for Beer Olympics 2011 and also MVP from the winning team and yes, it was a conflict of interest.

involvement on CamPus: Nothing, really. Although sometimes I do go through campus around 2 a.m. in the SafeRide van on my way to Oak Lane with a biddie, but that’s pretty much it. And I get swole at New Tech Fitness, which is near campus—does that count?

Why do you Want to Be homeComing king? If I was Homecoming King, I would make all the vending machines into beer vendors. I would cancel all Friday classes. You know what, and I’d cancel Wednesday classes too, because I heard that some students have a hard time making it to them after Tuesdays downtown. I would also ban all homecoming candidates from the drillfield and make them work the street corners downtown instead, since it’s kind of the same concept. Oh and then I’d let them sell Bud Light in Lane Stadium like they do at West Virginia because it’s hard to eat a whole turkey leg without some beer to wash it down with. I think that’s it. And to be honest, I just took my speech for fifth grade class president and replaced “soda” with “beer,” but it actually worked.

You do know that you don’t actually get to implement any changes as Homecoming King, right?

Say what? That’s ridiculous. What’s the point then? Can I still wear my crown downtown?

Free...like candy from a 9-year

old...muhaahaa!

Volume 1, Issue 4 | 10/20/11 - 11/09/11 | WWW.THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

The Black

Sheep“A College Newspaper That’s

Actually About College”

04: The Fake ID experImenT If we ordered a fake for a 21-year-old, would they pass the cardIng test?

10: halloween cosTumeswe examIne the good, the bad, and the ugly...

09: Blow BehInD The TowIf It doesn’t blow, Valley towIng sure does suck.InsIDe

other stuff

Take iT To The Face, VoTe For chase!

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p5: a uVa GIrl aTTenDs a hokIe Game What wild antics will this prude find rude?

p5: The Top 10bulletin boards You Wish Your Ra Had Made.

p7: The arT oF lyInG To your BoyFrIenDIf you want to get away with murder—or just a night on the town with the girls—follow these tips.

p11: BarTenDer oF The weekIf you see Garrett, you better order the frankenstein!

p16 recIpe For DIsasTer: nacharIDoNothing says obesity like ameri-

canized Mexican food.

p12: The (hopeFul) DeaTh oF popular musIcSix artists we hope we don’t see around anymore.

p13: The Black sheep InTerVIewsDan Whitford from Cut Copy, an aussie band you better get to know.

p13: cD reVIewSomeone still loves boris Yeltson, and it’s us

p14: The rIDDle Can you solve this riddle? We're guessing no.

p15: The crossworD puzzleHow well do you know your candy bars?

irideCent:Definition: A person whose attractiveness changes based on the angle at which they are viewed.Sentence: “Dave was iridecent; from the front Jeanie really wanted to bang him, but when she saw him from the side, his face looked like a bird’s."

Word of the weekSubmit your own word! word@theblacksheeponline.com

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04

(Note: If you get caught ordering fake IDs from overseas, you can get in some serious shit. Don’t do it.)

I’ve never really owned a fake Id, but I’ve always been curious about them. They’re little plastic juxtapositions, mythical and completely realistic at the same time. I know people who have loved theirs since they were 16 and others who got busted the first time they tried to use it. We’re a curious bunch here at The Black Sheep, so we thought there was no better way to learn more about them than to create a little experiment.

Question: Can I, a woman of proper drinking age, find a fake Id that is good enough to get into any and all bars of my choosing?

researCh: There’s obviously a few different ways to obtain a fake Id. It could be a real Id, per-haps of a friend or an older sibling, it could be hand made by the sketchy dude with the trench coat walking around West end, or you can order one from the internet.

Trying to get a hold of an older sibling’s Id was plausible, but I really wanted something more challenging. After talking with a friend’s friend whose friend makes Id, I decided going the inter-net route was the best route. Albeit kind of shady, I figured since I’m actually of-age that won’t

be too much of a risk. I found a few different sites and ultimately decided to purchase one from a land very far away, some country in a majestic land we call Asia.

hyPothesis: If I order a “novely” Id from the internet, it should be of high enough quality to get into at least three out of five bars in downtown Blacksburg.

testing: I determined the best way to see if this experiment would be a success would be to try to go to various establishments downtown, and if I got into at least three—then the Id was a success.

It took about twelve days, but my novelty Id finally arrived and when it did, it arrived in style. The Id was actually built into a finished puzzle. I was a bit confused when I got the package, but there was an instruction sheet on how to break the puzzle down and find my Id. It worked. The Id had my name, my picture, my address (with a different state listed) and my birthday.

I hit up Main Street that night, luckily it was a game night, so downtown was packed and the bouncers were being extra vigilant. The first bar required a second form of Id, easy, since it was all my own information. No questions asked. The third bar made me show three forms of Id, probably because the state I chose seemed suspicious, but that was the only speed bump I hit. It’s pretty entertaining using a fake when you’re of-age, all that anxiety that built up at the age of 20 trying to sneak into a bar was pretty much gone and replaced with laughter about how nervous bouncers used to make me.

analysis:It took wiring money to a foreign country, getting an odd package, and submitting some information to a website that looked like it was built by a monkey—but it worked. The Id that I received was completely scannable and included holograms.

ConClusion: It is possible to obtain an Id that will get you into the bars in downtown Blacks-burg. I imagine websites like this pop up all over the place and I’m sure 80% of them are scams but the recommendation from a friend about this one was spot on. If they had a Google Review page, I’d give them 5 stars.

The Fake ID ThaT LIveD In a Shoethe staff Wrote this

www.theblacksheeponline.com

So, I go to UVA, which is like the best school ever. We rock at football, as evidenced by beating Georgia Tech last weekend. Actually, we’re pretty much awesome at every-thing. Like, we dress well all the time. So well, in fact, that when we were rushing the field the commentators thought we were running to church. And when I say “well,” I mean we only wear designer labels or we do not leave our houses. I heard that one time, a girl transferred in from VCU or some-thing and wore an American eagle shirt to class and was, literally, laughed out of class within the first ten minutes. She transferred back to VCU shortly thereafter.

Some people say we’re mean. I just say we have high standards and like to enforce them. So I came to Virginia Tech for this football game and everyone was, like, wearing t-shirts, it was so weird. I walked up to this girl and I was all like, “Hey, did you get out of bed 10 minutes ago or what?” She just kind of stared at me until I walked away. I think she was deaf or something. And this one kid, he had on face paint! Like one half of his face was orange and the other was maroon. I made sure to sit as far away from him as possible, I don’t condone such reckless behavior, and I couldn’t afford to get his greasy face on my Lilly dress anyway.

On top of the student body’s entire disregard for fashion’s place in a football stadium, they actually jump and scream at the beginning of the game…and sometimes again at the end! It’s like, hello! There’s more important things in life, people. Like, did you see Kate Spade’s fall fashion line? Now that’s something to jump up and down about. Instead, this crazy jumpy girl knocked my phone out of my hand, which dialed my mom, who then heard how drunk I was. I told her I only had three white wine spritzers but she didn’t believe me, which I guess is fair since I did have five Zimas. I know drinking that much isn’t good for my figure, but “When in Rome…”

despite the drunken haze, it was obvious that I was the prettiest girl there. I was already on hair dye number four for the semester and it was finally the perfect shade of blonde, my stylist Ken calls the shade, “glam goldenrod,” and I adore it. I also paid the manicurist extra to paint little Vera Bradley patterns all over my fingernails. Not to mention, I was the only girl in the stadium whose face completely covered in makeup, I don’t know what those “Hokies” don’t understand about L’Oreal but, but I think they get it mixed up with that face paint stuff. Guess they just can’t afford the high-quality stuff. It’s like, “Hello, did your dad not give you his Amex Black Card?”

Furthermore, they all know the names of their football coaches and players. It’s really weird. They act like they’re on the team? I don’t know. The other weird part is how they tailgate before the game. They start at like 8 a.m. for a 3 p.m. game. It was so weird. I was like uh, that means I have to wake up at five to get ready and then they were all drink-ing, like, dark liquor. Ugh, I think I’ll stick to Charlottesville next time.

uVa GIrl aTTenDs hokIe FooTBall Game

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10. Weekly fooD AnD Drink SpeciAlS. (Note: luckily you all have The Black Sheep’s Bar Grid!) Who doesn’t want to know about dollar Jell-O shots at Awful’s on Wednesdays? Wing Night at Buffalo Wild Wings is pretty popular, but there are so many other specials in Blacksburg just waiting for you to take advantage of them. 9. BArS thAt AlloW unDerS in, bars where your PA Id will totally work, or stores that don’t card when you go to buy a forty on a Sunday afternoon. As much fun as house parties are, it’d be nice to pregame every once and a while then hit up downtown with our of-age friends. 8. plAceS to hiDe Alcohol in your Dorm room. did you know a beer bottle fits perfectly in a Pringles can? I didn’t either when I was in the dorms. dorm rooms are full of untapped (pun totally intended) hiding places to stash your Natty Light and handles of Burnett’s. 7. clASSeS thAt require zero effort. Who doesn’t like hav-ing classes that don’t require studying, assign no homework, and don’t take attendance? Or my personal favorite, online classes that can be finished in a week and not thought about for the rest of the semester. Since academic advisors don’t usually advertise these slacker classes, someone has to point you in the direction of Per-sonal Health, drug education, and Intro to HTM. 6. BeSt WAlk of ShAme routeS. ever find yourself walking home on a Saturday morning and realizing you picked the route with the rockiest sidewalks that are absolutely killing your feet (since of course you’re carrying your heels)? Or the only route you know back to your dorm walks you right past Pritchard, exposing you to catcalls and jokes in your hung over, makeup-smeared state? every dorm should have a bulletin board with a campus map highlighting the best routes to get you back home while keeping the little bit of dignity you have left intact. 5. reStAurAnt Delivery chArt including all important informa-tion: You can find food prices online, but wouldn’t it be nice to have a resource providing all the other information you wish you had be-fore you ordered? This board would clue you in to how good the food is, how fast it gets delivered, if it’s still hot by the time you get it, and how hot the delivery drivers are. You know, the important info. 4. BeSt hAngover cureS. ever had a surprise visit from the par-ents bright and early on a Sunday morning, or realize you have a massive project due Monday morning that you haven’t even started on? Check your handy hall bulletin board for tips on Gatorade, vita-min C-rich fruit and multi-vitamin cures. 3. top tAilgAte pArking lotS Without the BoyS in Blue. This would’ve saved a lot of people trips to VASAP during their freshman year. Nothing is worse than being halfway to breaking the tailgate keg stand record and being tapped on the shoulder by Campus Pd asking for your Id. 2. thingS you Won’t leArn in A clASSroom. How to steal food from d2, or the best places to hide your airplane bottles for football games. Or even things that are moderately useful like what clubs are actually worth joining or how to go abroad for a semester with-out getting too far behind schedule. 1. WAyS to Alert your roommAte that you’ve got a late-night visitor. Roommates need a system to avoid awkward situations with late-night booty calls. Leave a scrunchie (or sock, whatever) on the door knob, draw something specific on your dry erase board, a post-it stuck on the door, whatever works. This bulletin board could even offer advice on sexile etiquette, like making sure your roomie has a place to crash, not having company over too late if they don’t have a couch to crash on, or leaving Jimmy John’s outside the door just to be nice.

emma rogers Wrote this

bulletin boards you wish your ra had made

The Top Ten

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Freshmen, I’m coming for you...THE FIFTEEN!

Dave, I do remember your name and I do remember the camera. Thanks

for nothing! -HollyHappy bday K-Fel, you better believe we’re re-enacting last year’s debacle,

personal shot glasses and all! -BritWhoever put mustard on my car,

prepare to pay...I have ketchup and know how to use it...Red AccordJackie, it’s called wine night, not whine night...get a grip and stop

crying everytime we try hanging out. -Bridgette

To the fool who threw the dead possum on my porch, you’ve got a

dead raccoon coming your way.83, we’ve been hoping you’d trip down the stairs for a year. Have a

great Fall. 84.To the ginger whose debit card I lost:

Stop crying like a lil girl. –NMPLeggings and Nike shorts, Y’all are

an item again? Really?To my Spanish midterm: Prepare to

die.If I order a stripper I expect him to

show up on time dammit. To the unskilled “drummer” “playing” on Friday around 3:30 pm: PLEASE STOP. It sounded like a 3 year old jacked up on skittles got a hold of some drumsticks and started

spastically beating the shit out of his toy drum set. Actually, that would be

better.

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Are you in the kind of relationship that causes you to pick fights with your significant other? Is it because you know it’s coming anyway? Well, whenever you’re about to go out for the night you probably spend a lot of your time lying about where you are at. No worries, we’re here to help. Your boyfriend is the overly jealous type that friends everyone who writes on your Facebook wall, we understand. He’s overbearing and way too into what you’re doing every minute. Or perhaps, you’re just heinous. either way, here are some foolproof, unbiased tips for being a deceitful biddie.

The first tip goes back to when you were a kid, when you started lying to your parents: Never use too many details. This is kind of obvious, but too many details make lies much easier to see through. When he asks you what you’ve been up to, and you tell him, “I was at Sarah’s from 8:37 p.m. to 1:33 a.m., we each drank 3 1/3 glasses of wine, we watched four episodes of

Heart of Dixie, then she put on a pair of fuchsia sleeping pants and a blue hooded sweat shirt, it was a medium, I think,” he’ll know something’s up. You can avoid this by being very sweet and not being short with your tone. If he’s asking you where you’re going, have a staple location. It might be a friend’s house that you always hang out at, or a certain study spot on campus. Consistency is key!

Second, don’t multitask too much. If you’re holding your phone between your ear and your shoulder while teasing your mane, applying mascara, and sipping on a pregame vodka soda, your multitasking will cloud your ability to stay on point and lie tell-ing consistency becomes very, very dicey.

Third, keep your plans off of social media. This may be obvi-ous, but it still happens all the time. If you’re going to tell your boyfriend that you’re having a girls’ night at Christina’s and then put up pictures on Facebook of Jell-O shots at Aw-ful’s, then you really need to work on your skills.

Fourth, respond to his 139 text messages, but ignore his 54 phone calls. If you pick up the phone, there’s no way to hang up the phone without a fight, because you’re bound to get

flustered by his incessant questioning. Then you’ll be crying, and you’ll ruin girls’ night out. If you respond to a text, it shows that you’re not too busy for him, but you are too busy to have a full on conversation. This is a simple way to have your shots and drink them, too.

If you get caught, it’s time for the waterworks. Seriously. do your hair the way he likes it, put on those skinny jeans that make him melt, and let your misty eyes do the talking. “Would I ever lie to you, baby?” The “baby” is important. It changes the focus from “This bitch lied to me,” to “Aw, I hate when girls cry. Of course she wouldn’t lie to me—I’m her baby.”

Now, if you read through this whole article and actually thought to yourself “Ah, I should try these,” then, you’re the heinous girl we spoke about earlier. Instead of wasting good oxygen lying to your significant other, call the damn boy up and tell him that you’d like to break up. That way, you can go to heaven one day and you can also stop filling my newsfeed with overcompensating pictures of you and your boo kissing in front of the duck Pond.

the staff Wrote this

The ArT of Lying To your BoyfriendSEXAnd The u

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Getting your car towed might be one of the worst things in the (first) world. But seriously, the hassle of having to find out where your car was taken, why it was taken and how much it’s going to cost to get it back is just a huge pain in the ass. That’s why it’s extra annoying, espe-cially in Blacksburg, to find out that Valley Towing has picked up your car.

Once you learn that Valley Towing has your car, the first thought that will naturally roll through your head is something along the lines of “Oh shit…” and for good reason too. Your car is in the possession of a towing company that has had 11 Better Business Bureau complaints in the last 12 months, not to mention they’re located in BFe Christiansburg, so it’s not like you can even walk to get your car back.

eleven complaints to the BBB in the span of a year are pretty bad for one’s reputation. It should also be noted that if you do a Google search for “Valley Towing Blacksburg” you would get some comical results. For example, the first website that pops up in the Google results engine is a website solely dedicated to why Valley Towing sucks. In fact, the title of the website is just that, “Valley Towing Sucks.” Pretty funny stuff right there.

To add to the comedy, check out the Google Reviews for Valley Towing. All of the ratings on the scale from one star (worst) to five stars (best) are one star. This is, of course, without including the comical outlier that rated Valley Towing a five star business. This one review goes against anything and everything that any other review has ever said about Valley Towing. In all honesty, it’s probably a Valley Towing employee who is trying to save their business rating, which would be one star without their inclusion. Oh, the sweet look of desperation.

It’s not that we don’t like having our cars towed to the middle of bum-fuck nowhere, being treated like second class citizens, only to get charged ridiculous amounts of money for the displeasure of the whole ordeal. Wait, what the hell am I talking about? That’s the worst part about Valley Towing.

But fear not, because a more sensible, reliable, and courteous business has arisen and is taking more and more business from Valley Towing. Campus Automotive has been getting great reviews from students since they came to town. The people are nicer, the service is better and the price is lower to retrieve one’s car. Should you HAVe to be towed, these are the guys you want towing your car.

To all of you out there living off campus, you better pray that Campus Automotive gets picked up by your apartment complex, or else you’re likely subject to really creepy, middle-aged men waiting around in your parking lot to spot a violation. And no, this is not a fantastic story that I’m conjuring up, these are the tales of other students. Look them up; they aren’t hard to find.

So to Campus Automotive, keep up the good work. As a Village resident, I hope my apart-ment complex picks you up. To Valley Towing, get out of here!

ty hodges Wrote this

The BLow BehInD The Tow

www.theblacksheeponline.com10

liz mcDonAlD Wrote this

Halloween is one of those holidays tailor-made for chicks, but guys try and weave Halloween into a holiday of their own. I’m a little rusty on my ancient history, but I’m like 99% sure that Halloween was started by the patron saint of hoes and tricks. The concept is simple, girls get to dress up like sluts (like they would any-way), go out (like they would anyway), and get smashed (like they would anyway). The real caveat here is that when a girl has her beer goggles on a little too tight and goes home with a rando, she can pull the “but his costume was soooo cool!” card.

Ah, boys. That’s where you come in. Sadly just dressing like a slut isn’t enough to get you a Halloween grasp at glory – you might actually have to work a little. There are a few general rules of thumb to follow when picking out your go-to costume looks for the Dawn of the Dead weekend that will hopefully steer you in the right direction.

the good:Pop culture icons — aka, Baby Goose, the one and only Ryan Gosling: Any easily recog-nizable pop culture icon-- but preferably one with some sex appeal-- pretty much guaran-tees you’ll get laid. This year, we humbly sug-gest any of Ryan Gosling’s movie characters. He’s hot, you can make it funny, there’s not a whole lot else to say. If you chose to take the Drive path, just think of it this way: there’s few instances in life when one can buy and then confidently wear a white scorpion jacket. Plus, you don’t have to talk much, and the la-dies always like the strong, silent type.

Superheroes — You can Superman that ho: Very clichéd, but the mentality behind this one is simple. Any man who is comfortable and smooth with cheesy pick-up lines can re-ally strike gold. Just play the damsel in distress game all night long. Be wary of wearing tights, they’re a little questionable – and there’s re-ally no sexy way to remove them before the big bang.

the Bad:Oddball shit — aka, The Greenman: One should take pity on guys who try to go this route on Halloween. Clearly they put in the effort to try and be different or unique, but the reality is that they just end up looking like huge tools, and either no one understands what they’re doing, or the costume is too complex to wear for more than an hour. These costumes spark so many questions – where did they come up with that idea? How can they see out of that thing? How did they get it on? None of these questions have anything to do with sexing them.

Not dressing up — aka, “I suck”: Our all-time biggest Halloween pet peeve is definitely peo-ple who choose to not participate in the holi-day, but then still show up and act like pervs with the girls in the slutty nurse suits. Really, there is absolutely no reason to not man up and make up some pathetic excuse for a costume. Throw on a jersey and be an ‘athlete’ or some extra preppy garb and be a ‘southern gentle-men.’ Just never say “oh, I don’t dress up for Halloween”…because a real woman will ei-ther throw a drink in your face, or storm away bored. Or both.

the uglyReal scary things — We’re talking monsters and werewolves: There’s a really good reason that no one has watched Scream since middle school – the movie blew and the monster isn’t scary. And once you hit puberty, who wants to be scary anymore? Guys who go buy the “real” costumes, like bloody werewolf heads and all that other creepy, weird stuff, will do little more on Halloween than make a few drunk squeamish girls vomit. Good luck boning after that episode.

Be hot, not scary is the general rule of thumb for Halloween success. Although if any of you werewolf-wannabes can convince me you’re Taylor Lautner…we might be going places.

The GooD, The BaD, anD The uGly oF halloween cosTumes

Bartender Monthof the

• GarrettParcellsSYCamore DelI niCkname: Tommy Pickles student/major?: Almost Senior Industrial Systems eng hometoWn: Santa Monica, Cafavorite Beer offered: Coronafavorite alCohol deal at sd:$1 PBRs favorite sandWiCh on the menu: Frankenstein, because I inverted that one. least favorite sandWiCh on the menu: Mini Me, everyone orders it. QuiCkest Way for a Customer to Piss you off: don’t acknowledge you when I say “hi” to you.relationshiP status: GirlfriendBest night of the Week to Be here:

Friday, Fat Tire Friday. Plus everyone likes to party Friday night. When you’re not Drinking here, What Bar do you go to in toWn: Sharkey’s hoW long have you Worked here: About two years.any adviCe to underage kids trying to sneak in here: don’t try it.Biggest different BetWeen the Deli’S neW Dt locAtion AnD the old one: The beer, and the whole atmosphere. adviCe to Bad tiPPers: If you’re gonna leave less than 50 cents, just keep it, you obviously need it more than I do.

Nacharido legend has it that in 1995, a wise, old luchador named adalberto montoya attended a Phish concert in mexico City. When he wasn’t wooing women in the ring and making piñatas for his niños, he loved to cook. at the concert, several kids recognized adalberto and begged him to fill their stomachs with some paella or enchiritos. You see they had been smoke la marijuana. Up to the challenge, adalberto gathered all of his supplies and created el Nacharido.

What you need: Nacho chips, huge flour tortillas, cheddar cheese, colby-jack cheese, sour cream, salsa, jalapeños, lettuce, pizza rolls, ground beef, liquid cheese, onions, tomatoes, chicken fingers, guacamole, and Taco Bell packets.

health Content: The calories might be as hefty as your grocery bill, but it’ll be worth it!

direCtions:- Cook ground beef in a hot pan on the stove until all of the pink is gone.- Stick frozen chicken fingers and pizza rolls in the oven for about 15 minutes.- Layer chips on a huge pan and melt the variety of cheeses on them.- Next, once the cheese is melted layer the lettuce, tomatoes, onions, beef, jalapenos, sour cream, guacamole, chicken fingers, and pizza rolls onto the nacho chips.- After everything is all layered, roll everything into huge tortillas and cover them in Taco Bell sauce.

Now you have yourself a crazy nacho-burrito that all your friends will be jealous of… until you puke it up moments later.

recipe for disaster:

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MAYBe we’Re JuST getting too old, but the popularity of some mainstream music really baffles us these days. Hell, we understand why Justin Bieber and lady GaGa are “the bee’s knees,” as kids are wont to

say. These six artists? Not so much.

Artist: drakeknown for:”Find Your Love,” looking tired and sad all of the time.horribly Annoying trademark: Rapping an entire bar then pausing like this…to deliver a shitty punch line.What We’d Ask in An interview: “If a million 4-year-olds chained to a million crayons were locked in a room, how long would it take them to write a drake song, 25 minutes? 30?”poetic Death: everyone—from Lil’ Wayne to Nicki Minaj—who carried drake on a track would take turns literally carrying drake to a set of railroad tracks, where he’d finally meet his demise.

drake

mumford& sons

Artist: Mumford & Sonsknown for: “Little Lion Man,” being vaguely earnest.horribly Annoying trademark: Staaaaarting ouuuuuut playyyying a sonnnnng reallllly sloww-www, thenplayingthechorusreallyfast.What We’d Ask in An interview: “If you sang all your lyrics at the same pace, couldn’t each and every word get their due?”poetic Death: Tearfully, the band sacrifices themselves for a cause greater than them-selves—one that flames out a few months later, like the Occupy Wall Street movement.

Artist: LMFAOknown for: “Party Rock Anthem,” enjoying shots in Miami.horribly Annoying trademark: Looking and sounding like fucking idiots. Loudly.What We’d Ask in An interview: “Redfoo, SkyB-lu, you both dress like your parents’ spent their lives shunning you. Sorry, that isn’t a question, just wasn’t sure if you realized that or not.”poetic Death: Major Lazer challenges the LM-FAO boys to a drink-off, only to trick them into pounding shots of liquid cyanide. lmfao

katy perry

Artist: Katy Perryknown for:”I Kissed A Girl,” “California Gurls,” marrying Russell Brand, tits.horribly Annoying trademark: Catchy pop tracks with hooks and videos that imply women are sexually closeted idiots.What We’d Ask in An interview: “Whose entire routine is more of a gimmick, yours, or your husband’s?”poetic Death: No longer popular or famous, Perry offs herself in one last attention grab. It fails to generate the headlines she oh-so-des-perately craves.

Artist: dropkick Murphysknown for: “I’m Shipping Up to Boston,” being the musical equivalent of The Boondock Saints.horribly Annoying trademark: Wishing desper-ately to be from Ireland, using an accordion and bagpipes without a hint of irony.What We’d Ask in An interview: “You’re the kind of assholes who roots for Notre dame be-cause you’re 5th generation Irish, aren’t you?”poetic Death: Alcohol poisoning, via Jameson suppositories. dropkick

murphy's

Artist: Bassnectarknown for: Being an integral part of the dub-step trend that’s sweeping the nation.horribly Annoying trademark: Having a shtick and a light show that mask glaring musical in-ability.What We’d Ask in An interview: “did you and Beyonce mean to get your extensions from the same guy, or was that just some sort of happy coincidence?”poetic Death: A fan—while rolling their balls off on MdMA—sticks a turntable needle through the heart of a voodoo doll made from his hair, killing him.

bassnectar

www.theblacksheeponline.com 13

Dan Whitford of Cut CopyThe Australian electronic band Cut Copy has been blowing up in recent years, probably due to rave re-

views from Pitchfork as well as picking up traction from the cool kids who follow the site. we got to chat with lead singer Dan whitford about electronic evolution, writing lyrics to classic songs and playing tennis

against Franz Ferdinand.

The Black Sheep: So you’ve been playing electronic music since 2001. How has the electronic music scene changed since?dan Whitford: Like anything, music’s kind of a slave to fashion and trend as much as any art form. To me, it feels like electronic music has been welcomed more as a mainstream form of music at the start of 2000. I’d guess partly because we had come out of an era of music where sort of indie stuff was really what all the cool kids were into, and anything with synthesizers kind of went a little bit into a niche world for a while there. I felt like dance music and guitar based music were very separate things and I guess that was sort of the mission statement of what Cut Copy was about, being passionate about both pop music, guitar based indie music or whatever you want to call it and also being really inspired by synth based stuff, and club and dance records.

So, I think over that period of time those things have come together very much and it’s interesting that there’s the whole scene in the States now based around Pitchfork and stuff put online by sites like that. We like both parts of that music equally and use them interchangeably, and it feels like our mission statement has been fulfilled in a lot of ways.TBS: You guys do have such a great balance between using the synth samples and beats with the instruments that you play. was it a natural collaboration of those two sounds?dW: It was tricky in a way because there really was no blueprint for that kind of combination. Finding a way to combine those things was the biggest challenge. For me it feels like fusion, one of the real dirty words in music, and I guess the idea of fusing synth and rock music probably could turn into something pretty bad. So thankfully we’ve found a really tasteful way of doing it and a way that was works for us and works for a lot of other people. It’s definitely not a mathematical operation, it very much goes by feel.TBS: Your music is super upbeat and fun to dance to, and it’s interesting because you’re from laid back Australia. Did that relaxed culture have an effect on the music you play now?dW: I think it has an effect on our personalities, I don’t know whether musically it did. Our music is a reflection of the music that we love. When I was starting out and being really passionate about music was about when The Avalanches were doing shows in Australia and just before they did their first album was when I first met them and came into contact with them, and I found their music really uplifting and inspiring and really upbeat as well. It almost felt like that sensation musically was something that I would like to express as well, in Cut Copy. In our own way, we felt like we weredoing the same thing. TBS: You mention that The Avalanches were a big inspiration for you. what else inspires your music?dW: I think it’s a unique combination of stuff, just being inspired by different areas of music, art, film, just different things

the interview

across the board. A lot comes from bands that we love. For instance Talking Heads, we listened to a lot of Talking Heads in making Zonoscope. It’s just a bit of a patchwork of our experiences and things that we’re inspired by and hopefully just our viewpoint in reinterpreting all of these things ends up being something unique even if really, at the end of the day, we’re just music fans.TBS: Did you write the song “Need You Now” about somebody in particular?dW: One morning I sort of wrote the basis of that track, and had some synths and some keyboards and a drum machine and just kind of penned out the whole thing while I was waiting for Tim and Ben to meet me at my house. And in the few hours that I was waiting for them I ended up putting that track together and doing some quick vocals that sort of fit with it. And, essentially, the vocals were as it appears in the final track, I didn’t change the lyrics at all. So it wasn’t specifically written about someone, it just came off the top of my head that morning. But it fit so well, I couldn’t bring myself to change it. We tried a few alternatives but it just didn’t sound right.TBS: Man, that’s awesome. That’s such a good song, and it’s cool that it kind of came out of nowhere.dW: Yeah, and that’s one of the things I was worried about. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s a classic song but when you read about other people who’ve written classic songs often they say they do say it comes out of nowhere, or that the best songs happen really quickly and it’s almost as if it was meant to be. TBS: what else do you like to do when you aren’t playing music?dW: I like to get outdoors a bit, because I spend most of my time indoors when we’re touring. We have this thing we organized, before we started touring, where me, Mitchell and Ben from the band and various other musicians and dJs would play tennis against each other once a week. It got to the point that if there were touring bands or dJs that would be available, we’d get them to come down and play against us. TBS: what other bands have you guys gotten to play tennis with you?dW: We played against the guys from Franz Ferdinand when they were in Australia last, so that was pretty cool.TBS: who won?dW: I think it was one set off, so we didn’t have a deciding set. They took the first set and we took the second, and I felt like we were going to come back and beat them, but it wasn’t on the scoreboard so it’s hard to say.TBS: Drink of choice?dW: These days I’ve been enjoying red wine before the show, I like a good Merlot. It’s nice, smooth, easy on the vocal cords and provides a good romantic, artistic vibe in the band room. Spirits can get you a little too wasted before the show.

jess sommers Wrote this

out nowcd reVieW

The midwestern indie pop group Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin has got to be one of the most unappreciated groups in all of music, ever. Okay, maybe not ever, but they definitely deserve more praise then they receive. They started playing music together in high school, way the hell back in 1999, and released their first album Broom in 2005 and have continued to generally put out upbeat, quality tunes. Their 4th studio album, Tape Club, is no exception.

Interestingly enough, the 26-track long album features nearly half of the Gwyn & Grace eP that was actually put out by the guys years before Broom. The 7-track Gwyn & Grace eP is a whole other subset of awesome for SSLYBY, so it was a surprise for me to hear some of those songs re-done on their latest album, finally showing off some of their amazing hidden songs from way back when.

The album starts off with a rendition of Wil-liam Blake’s poem, “The Clod and the Pebble,” and the track is just as poignant and beautiful as the poem itself. The album continues to go on with Gwyn and Grace re-masters snuck in every so often but with plenty of solid new material

as well. “Sweet Owl” is a great, quintessen-tial SSLYBY song — soft, whispering vocals with familiar, catchy background music. “Half-Awake (deb)” is another awesome track that is upbeat and poppy but without the annoyance of trying to be too poppy (circa most of their songs from let it Sway). The Wilmington demo of “dead Right” from their album Pershing was another surpris-ingly great remix of an old song, performed in a refreshing new key and with slight variations that make the song sound like new.

Though SSLYBY dropped the ball on their previous studio release, they are back at it and as good as ever with Tape Club, adding to their collection of classic albums. I can only hope that these guys start to get more credit then they deserve, while still secretly hoping they stay un-derground to continue making awesome music.

sounds like: A really awesome secret that you don’t mind keeping to yourself.doWnload: The Clod and the Pebble, Sweet Owl, Back in the Saddlelisten to it When: You want to walk around in your undies, or get it on, either way.

Tape Club

someone sTIll loVes you, BorIs yelTsIn A-and We sTill really loVe Boris yelTsin.

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and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this

publication. The content does not always reflect the views of the staff, it is for entertainment purposes only. Please drink...responsibly and legally.

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chew it11 Made up word13 Actor Ledger14 Two for me16 Chatters, whispers, laughs17 Wealthy candybar18 Give me a break20 When you feel like a nut21 Famous New York street23 This heiress was on Seinfeld25 Overheard at studios

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28 Every other friday 29 Bball term 30 Peaceful bird 31 Friend's star Joey's favorite 32 Synonym of heaps

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