viewWe're so excited for you and want to congratulate you on moving forward and taking action. It's really the only way to a significant change

“Rewrite Your Story” Audio #3Karen Pattock and MaryAnn Rivers

MaryAnn Rivers: Welcome back everyone, it's Karen Pattock and this is MaryAnn Rivers. Welcome back! We're on Step 3 now, of rewriting our confidence story and this is where we're really in a dig to your current story and work with you to completely rewrite your story as you want it to be. So this is hopefully the part of the whole program, that you' really been looking forward to. We talked about rewriting your story and so now, we're going to really jump into it.

Before we move into that next area, we want to go back to the previous steps and make sure that things are going ok and just ask how you're doing with the confidence boosters that we've talked about in our last session. So, what did you do between audio number two and now that helped you identify, practice and make confidence boosters a regular part of your routine? Remember those habits that you build will build your behavior if you're consistent with them. So, you first have to get rid off the zappers that we talked about initially, that's really really important. Replace them with boosters as we went through last time and that will start re-shaking your confidence muscle. So which of the confidence boosters from the exercise and contact activity sheet did you choose? And how have you used it for practicing new behavior? Think about that for a minute and make sure that you're doing it as you are promising to do this to make this experience great for you.

One of the other things we talked about was focusing outward on others, so did you try to do that? To quiet those fears of confidence to yourself and did you notice how they backed off when you did that? It's a huge trick or technique that you can use and when you genuinely get lost in someone else's problems and concerns, all of a sudden your issues with confidence just tend to disappear. And then how about risks? How did you do with risks? We talked about taking risks everyday, things that you wouldn't necessarily do that will raise your confidence because you're doing something a little bit afraid, but then when you overcome that fear and you do it and you find success more and more as time goes on, you realize that you can survive it and you'll get comfortable with being uncomfortable and that will make a huge difference. So, if you did those things great. We're so excited for you and want to congratulate you on moving forward and taking action. It's really the only way to a significant change.

If you haven't done everything that you wanted to do, you'd like to practice some of the things we talked about a little more and the great part of this program is, it's completely at your own pace, so we would again, encourage you to go back, take some more time to practice the boosters, keep eliminating negative zappers. You can


keep moving forward to the zappers and the boosters or something, that you need to just make a regular routine. It's like brushing your teeth, right? You want to take those small steps everyday. Keep clearing up the zappers, keep bringing in the boosters and eventually it'll just be kind of the way you live. So when you're actually ready to move forward, we suggest you do that. We built this program to be very methodical, gradual, building a foundation underneath you and layering our next steps. We are at about the point to layer on the second layer on our cake so to speak. We're ready to bake some more, so let's get going if you're ready.

In this audio, we really have two objectives for that next layer. One is to uncover your current story. What is the story that you're telling yourself about who you are that might be affecting your confidence? What's holding you back? How can you let go of that to move in to a more confident you? So, that's really objective number one. And then objective number two is the think through and articulate who you are vs. what you do. That's really going to be the basis of rewriting your new life confidence story. It's getting down to the inner most authentic self. Using your strength, your values, to be who you are and once you get to that point, you start to allow yourself to do that. I guarantee you, that your confidence will start to increase and eventually will sore.

Remember secret number one, that we talked about a while ago? We touched on it several times actually and we want to reiterate it here because it is directly related to this part of the journey. You can change your story by changing your mind in a split second. There's no better time than now to really remember that and to embrace it and to work through it and allow yourself to do that. Only you can change your mind. Only you can change your story. It's yours to change any way you want. The past will only hold you back if you allow it. Do you really want to rewrite your confidence? Then you'll need to let go and look forward, not back. So, let's move forward.


Karen Pattock: Thanks, MaryAnn! So, in transitioning to the next step, MaryAnn and I were talking and we thought that the best way to accomplish that is model it for you. That's the best way, I have found for myself, was having something modeled for me. Whether it's a diagram that I can study or a detailed audio description. I always comprehend that information much better, if I have something like that to rely on. Like I said, we've talked about it. We felt that this was an extremely important step in your confidence building process. So, I recently heard this story and it moved me tremendously because it has a huge implication with the power of perception, which is what we're going to be talking about today. And the gentleman in the story was faced with some devastating life changes that were beyond his control. There is no way he could've changed what happened to him. But what happened is through these changes, what the result was, is that it changed what he does for a living. Forcefully! It wasn't his choice and thereby having that change in his life, it forced him to dig deep into his core. Figure out who he really is, not what he did, but who he is. The fact is, that this is the core secret that will change your confidence for life. It's not just based on your circumstances or what's happened to you in your past. I really am anxious about sharing this story with you because it's so powerful. It will really show you. It's really the epitome of what's your story. So let's get started.

The story begins with a gentleman named Juaquin and this is a true story. His name is Juaquin and from a very young age, Juaquin had one dream and one dream only. That was to become a professional basketball player. He was just relentless as a child. He wasn't out playing with his friends, he was practicing basketball. His workouts and his dedication to that sport was just like nothing his parents had ever seen. As a very young man, his dreams were realized when he was chosen to become part of a professional basketball team. From the beginning his talent, he had such great talent and he was recognized not only across all of the professional basketball teams but his teammates just couldn't believe it and they were so excited about having him with them on the team. Every dream he had for himself had become a reality. I mean, how great is that? Who can really say that in their lives, that every dream has become a reality for them? And his reality has now become his identity and his identity was driven by his success. He had been in that business now for a while and he was a husband, he was a father of three, he was a business man but in his mind, when someone asked him who he was? He always answered the same answer. He always said, “I'm a professional basketball player.”. He said it in a way that kind of said, “Hey, I'm a hot shot basketball


superstar!”. That was the thing he identified with most. So one morning, actually fourteen years into his career, Juaquin woke up and he couldn't move the left side of his body. He just couldn't figure out what was going on. Later, through some testing, he discovered that he had suffered a mild stroke. He had months and months of speech therapy and physical therapy before he recovered, but his motor skills never were what they were before. Unfortunately, his professional basketball career was finished. He wasn't going to be able to go back and the team let him go. He just could not find a way to maintain a presence in the sport that he loved so dearly.

At the age of 34, Juaquin was forced to figure out his new story. Like I said, this was forced upon him. It wasn't, like a lot of us that kind of start on this journey and when you move through it slowly, it just was thrust upon him. He had completely identified himself, his whole identity was being a professional basketball player and if someone asked him who he was, he would answer, “I'm a professional basketball player!”. He didn't identify himself as a husband, as a father, as a businessman, only as a professional basketball player. In his mind, there was no other identity. None was necessary, that's all he needed. Needless to say, there was a long period of time where he felt really depressed. He felt like a failure, he felt like a loser. Can you just put yourself in his shoes for just a moment. His whole dream, his only dream was now taken away from him. How would you feel? In reality, his identity just died that day. The day he had the stroke. He was filled with anger, he kept saying why did this happen to me? Why was it me? What did I do? And in addition to that identity crisis, unfortunately he was also faced with a financial crisis because he no longer was making the money of a professional basketball player. He was on the brink of bankruptcy. He just really felt like he had lost everything and he came to the realization at that point, that he needed to change his life.

Something major had to happen and what the result was, he ended up calling upon Tony Robbins, master life coach, to help him. Tony's mission was to help Juaquin write his new story. Through intense therapy, Juaquin realized that his job wasn't really his identity and it wasn't who he was at his very core. It was just a story that he had been telling himself and telling the people around him. He discovered that his identity actually started with being a husband and a father to three girls. But then he went even deeper. He found out who he was at the core. He found out that he was a compassionate man, that he had integrity, he was dedicated, he was loyal to a fault and that was just the beginning. He had to release


his ego and that external persona in order to write his new story which did not include being a professional basketball player.

So, to completely shift his thought process, Tony Robbins helped him get a new job. Completely the opposite of what he had been used to. He got him a job working for a waste management of all places. I mean, Juaquin was in the trenches literally. He spent forty hours a week collecting trash, cleaning trashcans and dumpsters, whatever needed to be done, he was doing it and it certainly was a far cry from that prestigious life he had been living. But Juaquin was smart enough to know that, the gratitude that he felt for this opportunity was really all he needed and that it meant that he finally had the possibility to provide for his family. Something that he had not been able to do for a very long time. This part I think really out of the whole story got to me, the day that Juaquin received his very first paycheck, he bought his three daughters a goldfish. Just a simple goldfish. That simple tiny goldfish was like gold, literally. He felt like a superstar again, because when he brought that goldfish home and his three daughters just responded with such excitement and glee and they were giggling and hugging him and laughing. I mean, literally, he was a changed man forever!

Let's just look at that story for a minute, what really changed? That sad story that Juaquin had a stroke, that he lost his professional basketball career and was on the verge of really losing everything was all still true. None of the facts have changed but when Juaquin stopped identifying himself with his job and started identifying himself with who he was at his very core, his new story started to emerge. So, the real change came through Juaquin's perception. Just that shift in perception changed his life. His story went from I lost to I survived. From I can't to I can. Most importantly, from I'm losing everything to I have everything that I need.

Today Juaquin is as secure as ever in who he is. He definitely doesn't need a label or a title to define who he is at his very core. Although his accomplishments are many, I mean, he's the ambassador of the American Stroke Association, he's a published author, he's a teacher and an educator for a foundation that he created, called Hawk Hoops Sports Foundation. He knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that his story is about who he is and not what he does. Once Juaquin changed his perspective and released his old story, he became free to rewrite his new story into a bigger success story, than the old story ever was. His new story is filled with clarity and joy and truthfully, has had a much greater impact on the people of the world than his old story ever did.


I just find that story absolutely amazing, don't you? I mean, can you just see how much a title and a job or even all that stuff we surround ourselves with all our life can unfortunately, be calculated into what we say or who we say we are and that we use it to define ourselves and it can really get in the way of our true inner confidence. If we just get rid of all that and rewrite our story, our true inner confidence can come out and shine for everyone to see. We'll be able to fill our life with meaning and purpose. So, with that in mind, are you ready to finally, finally let go of those aggravating and demoralizing painful and emotional stories that you tell yourself, like Juaquin did, once and for all. Those stories that are literally, literally holding you back and keeping you in bondage. What is that perception of yourself that you have? Or others, how others view you and you may say how can I change how people view me? What can I do? Let me set you free right now. You can't. You cannot change how others think of you and you shouldn't even try.

First and foremost, you must change what you think of yourself and when you finally understand who you are and you line up your life and your actions to honor your true self, you will be free forever. Now is the moment. It's the moment of decision. You've invested time in this process with MaryAnn and I because you wanted to be more confident. This next part that we're going to take you through is going to require some real inner work. We have a worksheet that we're going to take you through, that you can take your time and you can go at your own pace but do not avoid answering the questions because they are going to help you discover who you are at your very core. I promise you will break out of your confidence cocoon and you will be free to be the fully authentic version of yourself.


MaryAnn Rivers: Wow Karen, that story is amazing. Really as you said before, talk about powerful, and I know personally that the times in my life that I've stripped away some of those, I guess I would call them masks that we wear, that you either for your own purposes, for your own reason that you're trying to be something or someone you think you need to be or how other people view you. It really does hold you back, it's just the opposite of what you think and I know when I've had to let go of something either by choice or when I was forced into a situation similar to Juaquin and I'll walk through some of those as we go through the exercises. Those were, once I got through the initial fear of letting them go and what other people would think or how they would view me or whatever else. Silly things I was telling myself that I thought were true. It was completely liberating and on the other side of it, I realized that those painful, valley moments were the best moments of my life that I was the most blessed by. So I hope that some of you have either had moments like that in your life already, that you can compare to, to say “you know what? It was really a great blessing for me to emerge a stronger person” or if you haven't, we really hope that this is your opportunity to do that because you deserve it. You deserve to be who you are and what you are, for who you are deep down as opposed to what you do everyday.

Let's now take out the worksheets, that are of this particular part of the program that came attached to your audio. If you haven't done that, you can stop the audio now and print them off. If you have them in front of you though, that's great. Let's look at those activity sheets. Step 1 in this is about uncovering your whats. Going back to this, you know, why we talk about so much what we do. So what do you do is the question everybody asks when you first meet someone. It's entirely based on really performance. It's not who you are deep down, it's what you do that shows success or achievement or your standing, you know, in a certain society group. It's typically how we introduce ourselves, even when someone doesn't ask us that question directly but you do get the question while you're at a party or in a new group of people.

So, when you step back and you think about the following questions, do you like the way your what defines you? There might be parts of your what that you really like and it is really you and that is the way you want to represent yourself. There may be parts of it that you don't but you just say it because you always have or you think you need to and we're going to help you dissect it a little bit and really decide at the end of this exercise if it's what you want or if you want to change that because it's really your opportunity to change it. And if suddenly, if you're without your what like Juaquin


was, how would you feel about that? Would you like people to view you for what you do or to view you for who you are? Think about why you personally express your what to people.

Sometimes it's a sense of insecurity, you need to show achievement, protect your ego so to speak. Sometimes it's connecting with others in a certain group or social class and maybe you change your story sometimes, so that's a consideration too. Is it just easier to describe, is it easier for you to say “I'm a teacher” or “I'm a CFO” with some sort of a title because people get it. I'd like you to just think about, before we begin the exercise, why you do that or why you say the things you do or have you never really even thought about it? Now is your first opportunity to think through “What do I say when people ask me and why do I do that?”.

Wouldn't it be cool if people actually ask you who are you as opposed to, of course if they said that to you today you might not know what they meant by that, but as opposed to wanting to know what you do? It would be great if that was how we all communicated with one another but even if you don't get that question directly, you can introduce yourself differently. You don't have to answer the question directly. You can change it up in a way that gets to what's underneath. I guarantee you, that when you start to live to your values and to who you are and express yourself in that way, that the truest you that God really made you to be, your life will change. It not only builds your confidence but it lines up your priorities. It leads you to make decisions differently in your life and how you spend your time and how you bucket your time and where you're putting your efforts and your focus. It alleviates the need to compete for everyone else in the what you do and you become more peaceful knowing that you're using your gifts to their fullest. You don't need to be fake or model what others people's strengths are because they have strengths, they were given strengths for a reason and you weren't given their strengths and they weren't given your strengths. You'll be too busy using your strengths, if you really focus on that and allow yourself that, to worry about what anybody else is doing.

So, we're going to read through these exercises and go through kind of a formula that is going to help you through this. It may be quick and easy for some of you but most of you are probably going to need to take some time, so work at your own pace. Stop when you need to in the audio, shut it off, think about it, take some time, go back to it later because you really must take your time to do this right. It's really critically important and how long it takes is


irrelevant, getting to the core of who you are is really the goal. So, let's look first at:

Step number 1, who are you? And of who are you, uncovering your what. So, when you meet someone new and they ask you what you do, what do you say? We want you to think through and kind of just write out, just take a moment to think about what first comes to your mind, what do you typically answer? Ok now with me, personally, I went through a transformation or transition a couple of years ago when I stepped out of a corporate level job. I had been the CEO of a company for about five years and when someone asked me what I did, I always lead with: “I'm the president of XYZ company, I'm the chief executive officer and I am responsible for all aspects of the companies strategy and development, blablabla”. Or I would just say “I'm the CEO of XYZ company”. When I left that position, there was a period of time where I really struggled with how I answered because I was trying to decide what to do and I was taking some time. I am a mother of two boys, I'm a wife and my fate is very important to me. So, now after a year and a half of really doing some deep searching and getting used to not depending upon a title and being completely ok with that, I actually, typically will say that I'm a mom of two boys and what I just said. I'm a wife, I've been married for twenty years and I'm a business coach. Those are typically the things I go to when someone asks me what I do and that is much more, certainly what people know isn't required of a mom and wife, but it's more of a who I am than anything. Although it's roles that I play, it's very different than taking about a title or something in a company.

Once you understand what you say now, we're going to move into thinking about what roles you would like people to identify you with most. Think back to the story I just told you about myself. What roles in your life are most important to you? At the end of the day, ten years from now and you look back and say, I hope at this time of my life, I was doing the things I really felt were most important. What top two roles, right now, do you spend most of your time on? No judgment here, no what you want to do but let's just think about what the current state is. Where are you spending your time? It might be which ones you talk about most with others, time is one way of looking at it, how you introduce yourself. So where do you think that focus is now?

Continuing to dig into this. What do you identify most with in describing yourself? Is it more your job, if you work either outside or in the home or whatever it is you consider to be your job? Or more your roles in society? Your roles being a community leader, a


volunteer, a mom or a wife, a daughter, son? Sometimes the answer lies in how you introduce yourself. I want you to think again about why? Once you've identified what it is that you identify with most, what roles, what's important. Why is it that you're leading with those things and you're using those as your introduction? Once you're clear on these things, again we want you to think through it so if you need some time to stop again, stop the audio, think through it, take some introspective time to get to it and then we'll move on to the next question.

So, now that you've identified how it is you introduce yourself, what is it about that, that you like? Why do you like that? From my own life, I will tell you that as I changed and I really started feeling comfortable and this was something that also I struggled with at the beginning. I'm going to talk about telling people that I'm a mom and that I'm a wife but I'm also, because I'm grounded in my faith, I am a believer in God, whether you say that I'm a daughter of God or that's my role. I, many times, will talk about that with people and becoming more comfortable with it where I might not have been in the past. What I like about that is that all of these things, the importance that I play on my family and being a mother and wife and in helping others through my business coaching. The center of my life, where my groundedness comes from, where everything revolves around in a being a believer in God and following God or my roles, a marching order so to speak. I feel really good about that because I'm not afraid anymore to be who I am and regardless of what people think, where I was a born-again people pleaser, I was always people-pleasing, or were formed as a people-pleaser. I don't do that as much anymore, it doesn't mean that I don't try to respect and honor and love people, that's different, but I'm not doing it to please someone or impress them. That's why I like how I currently introduce myself. There were parts of what I would do in the past that I also liked but I shut away a lot of those things.

On the flip side, what is it about how you're currently describing yourself that you don't like. When you hear yourself say, as I just walked you through, how would you introduce yourself. Is there anything and if so, what is it about the way you introduce yourself that you don't like and you'd like to change? Take a moment to think about that. Also why you don't like that. Are you wearing any masks that you'd like to take off because they're just too heavy to carry around?

Lastly, this goes back to the story that Karen shared with us, if you suddenly found yourself unable to perform your current job,


outside or inside the home, something that dramatically affects your life, how would that affect your life? Would you be devastated or would you be relieved, if something completely changed? And why is that? Think about where you would be if what you consider to be your livelihood and how you identify yourself, were stripped away. That's a tough one to really think about but it would be really important for all of us to consider. In recognizing that, it's not what we do but who we are that really matters most.

Take some time now to just think through that scenario, think about how it makes you feel, why it makes you feel that way and you'll get closer and closer and closer. As we know move into the next phase of who we are.

We're going to move into step two. Again, if you'd like to pause the audio and come back. But if not Karen's going to take us through the next part in step two of “Who are you?”.


Karen Pattock: Step two! Which we called “Digging for Gold” and it is digging for gold because once you identify all of the steps in this, you are going to feel like you've absolutely hit gold. So, step number one, what are the three values that most define who you are? We've actually, in another one of the handouts that we've provided to you, is a values list that you can believe there's 377 different values on that list. It probably is going to encompass many qualities that you had not before thought of, when you were thinking of values. So take a moment to really look at that values list and come up with, I'm sure you can come up with many more than three, but come up with a top three value that you have. For myself, before I even look at the list, when I think of myself right away I always think of what a trustworthy person I am. I take the fact that someone puts their trust in me extremely seriously, extremely seriously. It is so important for me to never break that trust.

Secondly, everyone is always telling me and I know this about myself, I have a really big heart. I can cry at a commercial. I have this very big heart that other peoples emotions, I feel them and I really find that a very strong value of mine. That I keep that intact so that I feel like I'm connected to the people around me. Certainly, I am an extremely disciplined person. I stick to a schedule, if I say I'm going to do something, I do it. Those are just some examples for my life. Some of the values that I feel are top on my list. So just take a moment to think of those three values that are on the top of your list.

Now, moving on to step two. Do you know what your top two strengths are? Just straight off the top of your head? If so, you can list them. I'm going to give you a couple of examples, actually I'm going to give you three examples from my life just so I can model that for you and it can give you some ideas for yourself. Number one, again when I think of my strengths, on the top of the list is honesty. I value honesty and I feel that I am a very honest person. It's one of the things I like about myself, the most. I'm very organized. It is my nature to have everything in place and organized and a spot for everything. That makes me feel good inside. When everything is in chaos, it makes me crazy. So I am just by nature a very strong, organized person. And a third example I can give you is I'm very committed. I make the decision I'm going to do something, I follow through. I am not a wishy-washy person, I don't say “Hey, let's do this” and then change my mind and don't do that, I stick with it. I'm very committed.

So, take time now to think about what you're top two strengths are. Things that you've really feel strongly that, we've done a lot of


work on this, at your core are your strengths, what you've really, really are all about. If you're having a tough time with this and you can't really figure out what those two greatest strengths are, I actually have step three. We'll kind of walk you through that. So let's do that together.

When you think back to your childhood and if you remember being praised for different things, how was it that your family or your teachers or your mentors were describing you? So, for example, Karen is such a blank. And some examples we gave you, extrovert, deep thinker, actress, giver, leader, so on and so forth. Fill in that blank for yourself. Your name is such a blank text. You are so good at what? Making friends, solving problems, telling stories, something that someone has told you that you are so good at. And lastly, when you were younger, someone would say “Karen is so going to blank” when she grows up. What was that? Be an entrepreneur, find a cure for cancer, be the president of the United States? Probably this one will fit for me, march to the beat of my own drum.

So think about that for yourself. You are going to be what when you grow up? Think back to that childhood mind that you had back then. That had no limitation, no boundaries. Now that you've identified those strengths. You think in, hopefully the job that you have now or recent job that you've had, when you work with someone or for someone else. What if that person told you are your strengths. Think about like a review that you've had. What were the strong points that you had in that? Did you agree with them? List those there in number four.

Number five, have you taken any personality or strength based assessments previously? There's a ton of them out there. If you remember doing that, what did they say about your strengths? What were some of your strengths from that? If you can't remember, you can go pull out the results and reread them. So that you can get a clear picture of exactly what they had to say. If you've never done that, if you've never taken a personality or strength finding test, we actually have a number six. A couple of options for you that we find very valuable, MaryAnn and I have both used these, associates of ours have used these and we feel like they have a lot of value for the money.

The first one is the Kolbe A index and you can actually access that at kolbe.com. It's about a $50 investment but it will be so valuable to you because it identifies for you, your instinct or your intuition. Interestingly enough, unlike your personality traits, your instincts


will always be the same. From the time you're a child to middle-aged to old-aged. You're instinct will never change. So that test is phenomenal for that.

The other example is Strengthfinder.com. That test actually costs about $20 for the book and for the test. It will help you identify what your strengths are. So you can either go take either one of those tests right now or like I said, if you've already taken some tests like that, go pull out the results and then you can fill in number five. Just have fun with it. Really absorb that information. Now that you know your own strengths, we can move on to number seven.

So have you thought through the values? Let me just start this over. Number seven, now that you know your strengths and have thought through your values, we want you to think about how you'll use them to your fullest. So fill in the following statements: The roles that are the most important to me are...! So, if you go back to number two in step one, that will help you fill that in there. The roles that are most important to me are... And secondly, I will use my strengths within these roles by what? So for an example, I will use my gift of communication by speaking positively to my family and teaching my children how to speak confidently to adults. Wow, that's powerful. Just one more time. I will use my gift of communication by speaking positively to my family and teaching my children how to speak confidently to adults. That statement right there shows you how powerful it is when you know your own strengths. Really, once you identify those, the sky is the limit because you can use them in so many ways and so many different areas of your life. The sky is really the limit. So, once you finish that up, let's move on to “Who you are” step three.

MaryAnn Rivers: We've done some great work so far and we're going to try to keep moving you down the funnel, so to speak, to articulate more clearly, working through it multiple different ways to help you understand who you are truly, at your core. To gain that confidence. So if you were to be in a situation, where you were introducing yourself now or talking about yourself, we want you to get to a point where you can have this kind of roll off your tongue and know that you feel really good about how you're introducing yourself. So if you were to say, fill in your name...Hi my name is ….(whatever that is) and the first thing that you would say is “I am”, what comes out of your mouth? Having worked through all of those exercises previously, what are you going to say at that moment when you are introducing yourself or sharing who you


are? I would go back to your ??? roles. It doesn't have to be one thing, there's really no right or wrong answer to the number of roles that you say in describing who you are. But what are those things that are most important to you and for me it's almost in a priority order, so as I spoke before, about my belief and faith in terms of priority, that's where it all starts for me. It helps everything else line up, so I might say that I'm a follower of god, I'm a wife and a mom and a business coach. That's who I am. So what is it for you? How do you want to represent yourself to the world, to be your true self? And you might not share this with some of your introductions but this is underneath your introduction and it may come out in certain conversations or what's important to you.

Next thing we want you to do, is to identify the values based on that value exercise that you've already gone through. Looking at all 300 plus, I know that can be overwhelming, so hopefully you got to a point where you narrowed it down to two or three values. What are the values that define you most? What is most important to you? Really get down to the core. If you really want to do some tough work, pick one. Get to that core value that speaks to you, speaks of you more than anything else.

Lastly, we want you to take some things and then merge them together and know that by using your strengths, you are more confident. So in filling this in: “I am confident that by using my strength of ….” if you've gotten to this point and you've gone back and either looked at assessments or taken an assessment or you just knew you know what your core strengths are and you feel very confident in what those are. What are those? With those here, I'm confident that by using my strength, in my case I'm a sensational learner, I love to learn. So my strengths of learning, positivity, reaching for the possibilities and always thinking there's something positive out of every situation and that there are possibilities, endless possibilities and connectedness, those are my three strengths and honoring my values of love, servant leadership and balance, I will be living for my purpose and as my authentic self. That's just an example to give you an idea of how I would put those things together and marry them in a way that really speaks to who I am. What would that be for you? Take some time now to really crystalize and clarify.

The very last step, which I think really helps bring it in to action, we, Karen and I, are big believers in it and all of our coaching and work with people, we always want people to take action. Without the action, the intent is wonderful, they both have to be there but if


you could think about things and commit to things forever but until you take action and you step out, it's really not going to change your life and change your behavior.

So I want you now to think about how you would live out the values in using your strengths. Set some goals for yourself. They don't have to be specific, measurable, although I always recommend that you do seek in measure so you can tell that you're making a difference. At least to a point where you know that you're setting some practical, step forward goals that you can look back on and say “Am I really doing this?” because that will tell you, that will be the measurement alone of whether you're living to your values and your strengths.

As an example, goal number one, I would put something like “to be more available and in the present for my kids”. That means my time and my focus when they're with me. When I have time for them. Something that's really important about this, is that I want to make clear here, is that your goals are going to be shorter termed. Your strength, instincts that are just in you, your values, for the most part aren't going to change. Those are imbedded. Those are going to keep you rooted and you might alter them from time to time but not usually. What will change forever, are these goals and it's based on the sequence in your life and how you practice and walk your values and your strengths will change at different points in your life. So right now, my children are nine and twelve and I have a very short window of opportunities before they're not here. While they're behavior and their personalities are still being shaped that I want to have the time with them and I don't want these precious years to escape. So that's a goal right now but five years from now, six years, whatever it is, where they're not going to need me as much, moving out to college, the goals will change. I want you to consider that in setting these goals. What is a priority for you right now? What's most important at this season in your life? What other thing that you can do that will still allow you to live out your strengths and your values through the goal that you set?

So, wow, you've done a lot. Amazing work. I know this sometimes can be painful but how do you feel about it? Congratulations. If you've gotten this far and you can articulate things like we just talked about, really getting to the core of knowing what your strengths are and knowing where your values lie and really feeling good about it. You will know deep down in your gut whether you've nailed it and whether you're on it and how you feel about it. I really would love to say that we're so proud of you for doing this and most importantly, I hope you're feeling it and you will start to


feel it in the way you're living your life and like you finally are comfortable in your own skin. You're living freely. You're authentically being you. It's an amazing transformation and we are so proud of you. Having a mission statement like this and being authentic and understanding why you do the things you do really is the secret to confidence. So, we are just thrilled that you worked through this. Again, if you need more work on it, please take the time to go back and continue to do it. Maybe go back periodically. You might need to take a break from it for a couple days or so or put it away for a while and then come back to it. Don't ever forget. Then when you have these to a point where you're comfortable, once again we recommend that you post them, that you put them somewhere, that you can remind yourself to just check in and some of these goals that you set for yourself, that would make a huge, huge difference. Be patient with yourself, some days you'll be better than others but as time goes on and you continue to remind yourself of what's important it'll become just like breathing.

Ok, thank you!

Karen Pattock: Well, I couldn't agree more MaryAnn, congratulations that is huge. This whole audio has been huge from beginning to end and you've definitely completed some pretty challenging introspection on who you are and what your values are and who you are at the core. I don't know if you realized, but pretty darn huge, it's just amazing. The more you focus on that, the clearer you will become. Your understanding in recognition of who are, just like in Juaquins case, will be life changing. I really just want to leave you with this word of encouragement. I would love it, MaryAnn and I have talked about it, we would love it if you would be sure to apply these lessons in your everyday life. Take daily actions with how you live your life and with the people around you. Apply them and make them work for you. We promise, weabsolutely promise, that if you follow this path, you will automatically become a more confident you.

So everyday, you're going to continue to learn and you're going to be able to use your strength and your values but somedays you're going to do better than others. You may make mistakes or you may forget at times. We just don't want you to get down on yourself. At that point, when you feel that way, that oh, I could've made a better decision, come back to this worksheet and use it as your compass. Use it as your guide and it will bring you back into focus and it will help you again to be your authentic self. So, this experience may release a strong desire in you to rethink how you are living


your life. If that is happening, or you feel pieces of that happening don't be afraid, embrace it. Let it watch over you and give yourself time to just feel your way through it. Give yourself permission to be you. Please remember, though, that you may not be able to make these changes over night. But you can begin to make different choices in how you spend your precious time. Really, that's the goal here. To make deliberate choices on how you spend your time, who you spend your time with and how you're approaching each situation.

If you are on the other side of the spectrum and you're ready to make those bold changes, then hey, we say go for it. Please do. Follow your heart and be your truest self and we promise that the things in your life will change for the better. You will feel so wonderful. You've probably heard that famous question: what would you do if you couldn't fail? Think about that! If you couldn't fail, it just takes all the fear out of it doesn't it? You can probably have a list of several things right off the back. So what would you do? What would you do if you couldn't fail? Using your strengths and living to your values will eliminate a huge portion of the risk. If not all of it.

The most important question that you can be asking yourself now, now that you've done this work, is how will you now define success? If living to your values and using your strength is success, then I promise you cannot fail. Simply by changing your perspective, just like Juaquin did, starting to say I can instead of I can't or I will instead of I won't. You will be able to entirely rewrite your story. You'll live your life with purpose, you'll feel fulfillment and you will become the best version of yourself. Because you will finally be the truest version to yourself. If you'd like to watch a great movie that demonstrates the principal of changing your perspective and how you look at things, the movie I just recently had the privilege of watching is called The Shift and you can download that movie at diermovie.com. It's a fantastic movie that really, really gives you a close look at three different families and how, what's the best way to say this? That there are circumstances, in none of the cases have their circumstances changed but in every case their perspective changed. One that happened, it all changed for them. Everything changed for the better. So as you watch the movie and as you go out into the world today, tomorrow morning, next week, MaryAnn and I just want you to remember that you are the one, you are the sole author of your story. It's only your story to live. So, we just want one thing for you, we want you to go live your life and be more confident. Thank you everyone! Have a wonderful day!

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viewWe're so excited for you and want to congratulate you on moving forward and taking action. It's really the only way to a significant change