College Application Essay Unit Packet

AP LiteratureNEST+m, Ms. Palmer

Unit: 2 weeks, October 9-23Essay final draft due Friday, October 23rd

Name:_________________________________Class Section: ___________Date: ___________

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Tuesday, October 13: Aim: How can we learn about the college application essay genre, and begin generating ideas?

Instructions: Let’s look at a few model college application essays and ask ourselves: What is the purpose of this genre? What do these essays do? What do you like about these essays and why?

Read one or two of them (skim a few and choose one whose topic interests you), then jot down notes. Next, we’ll discuss with partners.

Sample Essay #1: If You Could Step Into My Skin (Common App Prompt #1)

Surrounded by sterile white walls in a plain paper gown, I quickly glanced at the worried look on my mother’s face from my periphery. I knew for sure this was not going to end well for me. As the doctors examined my skin, all my ten-year-old mind could think of was how I had gotten out of school for the day. I was clueless as to the long-term effects this doctor visit would have on me.

In middle school, I’d always been self-conscious about my skin. As I walked through the hallways I could feel people’s eyes staring daggers into me that cut so deep I thought for sure I’d bleed. Every class I’d go to, people would whisper. Only some had the courage to approach me to ask what happened. Most people assumed I’d been in a fire because of the discoloration to my skin.

Due to an illness known as the Stevens Johnson Syndrome, at the age of ten, my skin became highly discolored. I had dark spots on my face, arms, and legs. When looking at my skin after spending a month in Cornell Hospital’s burn unit, I cried. Before my illness I had never considered myself gorgeous, but after I thought for sure there was no way I could ever be beautiful. With this thought in mind my self-esteem took a dangerous spiral downwards.

One day, as I was scanning the bookshelf in my bedroom for a new book, one of my younger sister’s books caught my eye: The Skin I’m In, by Sharon G. Flake. This novel portrayed a young African American female, who like me, has troubles with the insecurities of her skin. Throughout the novel the protagonist meets an English teacher, Ms. Saunders, who has a patch of white skin on her otherwise brown face. While reading this novel, the protagonist and I both admired Ms. Saunders for being able to walk about the school with a high head on her shoulders, despite what people might say about her face.

After completing this novel, my first thought was very cynical. I thought for sure this attitude had only worked for Ms. Saunders because she is a fictional character. Eventually I decided to try it out, thinking to myself that it could do no harm.I noticed the change immediately. People started to notice me, but for my personality instead of my skin. Walking around in a superfluous way, I began to attract attention. I attracted the attention of teachers, which earned me awards for Student of the Month. I also attracted the attention of other classmates who tended to gravitate towards the most jovial students. I was no longer that girl with the skin in the shadows.

Today, if you could step into my skin and look through my eyes, you would see a confident young woman with a high head on her shoulders. You’d see an eager young woman ready to take on the wonders of the world.

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Sample Essay #2: My Pakistani Friend (Common App Prompt #3)“So, where are you from?”Silence.During my seventh grade, after four months of acquaintance with AR, he finally

asked me the question I had been dreading most.“From the Mediterranean,” I evaded.“I am from Pakistan,” he added encouragingly. “You look Egyptian to me. Really

now, where are you from?”An even longer silence.Hearing my next answer, his visage suddenly froze, bearing the same stunned fear

mine undoubtedly radiated.For most western-world dwellers, this conversation would have seemed either

insignificant or inconsequential. But not to me. I was born in Israel and moved to the United States in eighth grade. As an Israeli who spoke fluent Hebrew and no English at all, I retained my Israeli culture, with all of its nobler and less proud sides. This culture, driven by constant news updates of missile bombardments and terror attacks from neighboring nations, taught me to fear and always question the motives of Arabs and Muslims. The stories from relatives who had been drafted to the mandatory army servitude oftentimes cast Muslims in a negative light as well. This is not the extreme propaganda used in dictatorial regimes; it is a negative undertone that was nonetheless instilled in me from a very early age.

Thus, many people, including my doubting parents, have asked me why I did not end this friendship upon the revelation of AR’s background. Pakistan, a Muslim nation with nuclear weapons, has been known for its open hostility toward Israel and its support of Israel’s enemies during war. This background, however, did not once come into my mind when AR helped me with English homework, trying to define words I did not know in simpler English. It did not come to my mind when I was looking for someone at lunch who did not play American Football, happy to find him doing impressive tricks with a soccer ball. I did not think of it either when we shared our lunches, each having a taste of the other’s culture. To me, he was just AR.

When the time came and I was invited to AR’s house, his family’s ceiling-tall Quran library did not faze me, as I was too busy playing video games or comparing my mineral collection with his. He, in turn, did not even react when we entered my house with the metal Mezuzah fixed into the doorframe, visible to all. These visits were so normal with the help of our parents, who learned to trust and even develop fondness toward their son’s friend from the stories of our blunders, blow-by-blow soccer game recollections, and common effort in schoolwork.

AR moved back to Pakistan this summer, but our relationship has left me with more than just memories. I remain with the skill of juggling a soccer ball on one foot and can distinguish various Pakistani dishes and spices.  Above all, however, I have learned to accept, adapt to, and even benefit from the differences of others. Take it from an opinionated Israeli: this ability to see beyond the surface of skin, and to learn from another’s perspective seems all too rare in this world. I will always be grateful for my childhood friend from whom I learned this valuable lesson – one I will carry with me to college and beyond.

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Sample essay #3 (Common App Prompt #4)I sit in a small room surrounded by dust, screws and more tools than I can name,

staring at the numbers on my computer screen. I can hear hammers hitting nails, saws cutting wood and men talking in loud, deep voices. I hear one of the guys accept a package from The Home Depot as I enter the latest receipts for the Department of Buildings permits. Here is where every part of the company comes together.            Last summer, I started working as a bookkeeper for Builders Restoration LLC., a construction company. There are currently three houses in construction—for each construction site, I maintain weekly ledgers and create status reports of labor hours and activities. I record a total of about $1.2 million in transactions into an Excel spreadsheet. At the end of each week, I meet with the CEO to go over how much money was spent, what was done, and whether or not we need to be wired more money from the investor. It’s a ton of responsibility but the responsibility and leadership involved is what I’m most passionate about.            People often ask why I want to spend the rest of my life looking at numbers and doing math. But I don’t see it that way. Sure, math has always been my favorite subject and it’s something I enjoy; however, finances are only one part of a business. That’s what I love about my job. I’m firstly responsible for recording transactions and filing receipts but it’s not all I do. I act as the eyes of the working men as they carry large pieces of sheet rock over their heads, sign for delivery packages, guide inspectors as they survey the property, and even have lunch with the CEO and investor of the company.            The financial part of my job isn’t just entering numbers into a spreadsheet, either. Every tired man represents the labor and human capital, every receipt the raw materials and inputs for a product, and every finished and sold home the result of all the months of hard work. This is amazing to me. I get an opportunity to observe a business and its projects from start to finish. I also get to see this small business thrive in a time when such few new companies survive. And I can learn from what they do right as well as what they do wrong. Business owners are often so preoccupied with the more technical parts of their companies, like finances and regulations, that they don’t get to see the smaller parts that make up the product —but are crucial to the companies’ process. I, however, get to observe these parts every day and form a part of the larger product. These observations will help me lead my own company one day.            As I sit and enter receipts, I get distracted by the headline on the newspaper my boss had been reading that morning. It says, “Housing Market Is Heating Up, if Not Yet Bubbling”. I know that when people say a market is “bubbling” it doesn’t usually end well; it means prices are rising so high that they are above the product’s actual value. The prices rise until the “bubble” bursts, causing a dramatic drop in prices and negative effects on the economy. But this headline is still reassuring to me—I find it refreshing that economists are predicting such a fate for the housing market while I’m helping Builders Restoration LLC. thrive. It shows me that businesses can succeed, even when chances seem slim, thanks to proper management and decision-making. As if reading my mind, my boss comes in as I finish the article and tells me the good news: the house which we finished constructing only four weeks ago was sold.

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Idea generation strategy #1: After Ms. Palmer demonstrates the strategy, spend 5 minutes jotting down ideas (don’t write the story yet--for now, simply generate ideas).

Issues People Moments

Oral storytelling: Next, tell one of these anecdotes aloud to a partner. Don’t worry about your story being perfect. Your goal is to discover details, go on tangents, and capture your personality. Just explore your moment like you were telling the story to a friend.

Flash draft: Okay, now write a flash draft of the anecdote--aim for ¾ of  page. Before you begin writing, make sure you can picture the scene!

Note: To write a good college essay, you have to be willing to try a few different ideas, and see how they work out. Right now, finding and drafting some possible anecdotes is your work.

Homework: Write another flash draft (aim for ¾ page) of another anecdote from the list of ideas you generated.

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Wednesday, October 14th: Aim: How can we continue generating ideas for our college essays?

Warm-up: Please share your homework flash draft with the same partner you worked with yesterday. In order to be a useful writing partner, listen to each other and use sentence starters such as:

“I love the part when…” “I feels like this is also about…” “Can you think of a specific time you felt this way…” “This part has potential because…”

Idea generation strategy #2: Let’s think about indelible moments--those moments that we can’t forget, even if we want to. Often those moments involve something being said to us, or an overheard comment. Capturing those moments or thinking about them can lead to significant insights into lessons, regrets, etc.

After Ms. Palmer demonstrates the strategy, spend 5 minutes jotting down ideas (don’t write the story yet--for now, simply generate ideas).

Comments Emotions Response

Note: As you generate ideas, it can be helpful to identify your position as a narrator as Witness/Bystander, Victim, or Perpetrator.

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Idea generation strategy #3: Let’s now try a visual strategy. We’ll sketch and label a map of a place where stories have happened to you. This could be your neighborhood, your school, your apartment, a summer camp, etc.

After Ms. Palmer demonstrates, create your own map and label the places with stories.

Oral storytelling: Next, tell one of the anecdotes from these 2 exercises aloud to a partner. Feel free to use your phones to record or videotape this storytelling. Your voice is often stronger when you tell a story aloud since it’s YOUR voice. You can use this recording later to make sure that when you write the story down that you’re including all the important parts.

Flash draft: Then, write a flash draft of the anecdote (aim for ¾ page). Before you begin writing, make sure you can picture the scene!

Homework: Write another flash draft (aim for ¾ page) of another anecdote from the list of ideas you generated today in class. Note: If you don’t feel like you have good story ideas yet, try using the additional idea-generating strategies from the next page.

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Try these idea-generating strategies to find moments from your life that matter:

1. Jot down a strong emotion and recall a moment you’ve felt that way2. List people you know, moments you’ve had with them, and issues they bring up

for you3. List phrases people you know often say, then recall moments when those phrases

were said4. List the turning-point moments in your life by zooming in on “first” and “last”

times5. Consider moments connected to your hopes and regrets6. Picture in your mind personal objects and recall moments associated with them

2015-16 Common Application Prompts:

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

2. The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

3. Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?

4. Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma--anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.

5. Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

Length: 250-650 words. Aim for ~500-550 words.

Note: See Ms. Palmer’s specific tips for each prompt later in the packet, pp.27-28.

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Thursday, October 15th, Aim: How can we adapt our stories to specific prompts?

Warm-up: Take out your flash drafts. You should have 3-4 of them by now. Read the one that you wrote for homework aloud to your partner, then pick the 1-2 that you want to work with for now--feel free to ask for your partner’s input! Consider: Why this story?

The truth is, many stories can be adapted to pretty much any prompt. Let’s look at the Common Application prompts and see how we might spin our stories to specific prompts. Ms. Palmer will demonstrate.

Common Application Prompts1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they

believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

2. The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

3. Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?

4. Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma--anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.

5. Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

After Ms. Palmer demonstrates, adapt the starts of 1-2 of your flash drafts, or one of the other ideas you generated, for several of the Common Application prompts. (Or, you can use essay/supplement prompts for specific schools you’re applying to.)

It can help to begin with sentence starters (you can always get rid of them later): Whenever I think of… I think of… Something that’s always bothered me is… One problem I’ve always had is... It was a lesson I didn’t want to learn, and I wish I hadn’t needed to… The first time I felt like a grownup… Something that initially made me feel terrible is...

In the last five minutes of class, please share out with your writing partner. Remember, as and after you listen, use sentence starters like:· “I love the part when…” ·  “Can you think of a specific time you felt this way…”·  “I feels like this is also about…” · “This part has potential because…”

Homework: Commit to one of your stories and write a rough draft. If you typed it, bring in a printed out copy, double-spaced. (Optional: If you’re feeling discouraged about not writing a very good first draft, read Anne Lamott’s essay, “Sh&$#y First Drafts,” pp.29-30. Know that every writer starts with a not-so-good first draft!)

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Friday, October 16th, Aim: How can we use narrative craft to revise and strengthen our stories?

Warm-up: Please take out your essay rough draft.

Narrative craft: A college essay is not a diary entry. Instead, you need to think and write like a writer. That means deliberately using narrative craft, such as working with dialogue, including specific, concrete details, and giving the reader access to your inner thinking.

Let’s look back at the sample essays at the start of your packets. Annotate one for specific, concrete details--these are phrases that show us vividly what’s happening.

After Ms. Palmer demonstrates revising her draft with concrete specific details, try it with your own draft. Find the places where details could be stronger. Consider how to bring the moment to life by describing the people, places, objects, mood, and/or symbolism.

Next, move on to strengthen the dialogue and inner narrative of your piece.

Notes on narrative craft:1. Dialogue should show character traits and emotions. Combine it with body

language and tone of voice for powerful results. Don’t put in every piece of dialogue--this isn’t a diary entry. Use dialogue purposefully.

2. Concrete, specific detail: Use it to show rather than tell important information. Selectively describe the people, places, objects, mood, and/or symbolism.

3. Inner thinking: The more access a reader has to the inner thinking of a narrator (anxieties, dreams, hopes), the more sympathy s/he has. Sometimes it’s interesting to show the difference between what you’re saying and what you’re thinking.

Homework: Revise your draft by enhancing it with narrative craft moves: Work to strengthen the dialogue, details, and inner thinking. Consult the sample essays in your packet for models of these craft moves. Also, Wordly Wise Chapter 1 quiz on Monday.

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Monday, October 19th, Aim: How can we consider structure to improve our college essays?

Warm-up: Please examine the first few sentences of a couple of the sample college essays we’ve read. How do the writers capture our attention? Why are they strong? Jot down some notes, then let’s discuss.

What is a hook? A hook is the first 1-2 sentences of your essay, its introductory part, which serves to grab a reader’s attention and let him decide whether he wants to continue reading this essay or not.

Note: Lots of students start their essays with filler. Powerful essays start in the action. You need to engage the reader from the very first word. So skip all the preamble and filler, and start in the action. Where does the real story begin? A hook should get the reader into the action, prompt him or her to ask, “What’s next?” or set a vivid scene.

Let’s look at a first draft of another sample essay, and help the writer re-write the hook:

First Draft (Common App Prompt #5)

One significant experience I had was when I camped out in the wilderness with

my dad for two weeks last summer. That was a very buggy experience, but more than the

left-over scars from branch wounds and brambles are left with me. I think I grew up on

that trip.

I had never camped before and now my father thought it would be good for us to

bond, away from civilization. We packed and headed out not for a camp ground with tent

sites and shower rooms. We headed for the back regions of swamps and raspberry

bushes, at least a thousand miles from home and regular communication.

We actually had to walk into the pond where we would set up our home-away-

from home. What a trek, it was terrible, and when we finally arrived, I was already set to

leave. But, no. We had to unpack our gear, prepare the ground, put up the tent, and then

think about food. That wasn’t going to be a quick trip to the frig for ice cream and soda.

We needed a camp fire, a place to put our staples so bears wouldn’t get into them, and the

meal itself—trout. That meant we had to get our fishing gear ready and wade out to the

depth so cold streams and running leeches! YUCK. It was a good 45 minutes later, while

the sun set and the flies bit, that we got our first bites. I was able to get two trout, and dad

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finished off with two more. We gutted them and fried them—delicious, I must say. It was

then we sat and talked over the plans for the next day.

Those two weeks were difficult. I had to do everything from scratch, even build my

own out house. I had to carry water, find berries, get wood for the fire, dry out wet

clothes from a night of rain, even mend things that broke, like my fishing pole. I learned

something about myself. I could survive. I didn’t need my cell phone or my TV or my

CDs, even my friends and my car to get along. Things might not have been the most

luxurious for me out in the back country of nowhere, but I was doing pretty well with a

full stomach, good sleep, invigorating exercise, and yep, a book, which dad had insisted I

bring along.

I also had dad. He and I had never really talked like we did over those two weeks.

It’s amazing how many things had been left unsaid over the years after he divorced my

mom. He told me about how much the divorce hurt, how he and mom had met and fell in

love, how much he loved me. I got to ask him what caused the divorce, how he felt about

being with me now, how he felt about mom, and his new wife. He explained it all, and it

made some sense. The divorce didn’t happen out of nowhere. There had been problems

even before I was born. And, they didn’t hate me or each other. They had good and bad

feelings and memories, just like I did. I began to see my dad, and my mom, too, through

different eyes, and I saw them as people apart from me. That was a revelation, an adult

one, that it wasn’t all about me and that things don’t stay the same or perfect all the time.

When dad and I left the woods, we were still sweating and the deer flies were still biting,

but I felt different, stronger. And, that strength was something that came not only from

knowing how to cook my own food, lug armfuls of wood three times a day, and make my

own safe and cozy place in the world, no matter where. It came from an inner sense of

seeing things as they are. Life isn’t just out of a magazine with the best appliances and

the nicest furniture. There are other things in life, like dirty floors, and relationships that

don’t always work, and meals that have to be made. But, that’s not all bad.

Try rewriting this essay’s hook here:

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The revise:

Deer flies buzzed around my head and sweat poured down my back. My backpack

dug into my sides, and I was sure I had just heard rustlings that could only bode a visit

from a ferocious bear. My dad and I were headed into the back regions of swamps and

raspberry bushes, at least a thousand miles from home and regular communication. Mud

pulled at my sneakers, brambles cut my legs, and tree branches swatted my face. We had

packed early in the morning for my first camping trip, my dad's attempt to bond before I

started my senior year. We weren't bound for coastal shores, sculpted campsites, or

shower rooms with warm water, we were going deep into wilderness...for two whole

weeks.

When we reached the pond where we would set up our home-away-from-home, I

was already set to leave. But, no! Dad set about unpacking our gear, preparing the

ground, and putting up the tent, while I contemplated food. I suspected there wasn't going

to be a quick trip to the fridge for ice cream and soda out here. I learned quickly in order

to eat we needed a camp fire, a place to put our staples so animals wouldn't get into them,

and the meal itself. It was a good 45 minutes later, while the sun set and the flies bit, that

we got our first trout.

Those two weeks were difficult. My dad and I did everything from scratch; I even

built my own outhouse. I had to carry water, find berries, get wood for the fire, dry out

wet clothes from a night of rain, and even mend things that broke, like my fishing pole. I

grew stronger, and that strength was something that came not only from knowing how to

cook my own food, lug armfuls of wood three or four times a day, and make my own safe

and cozy place in the world, no matter where. I learned something about myself. I could

survive. I didn't need my cell phone or my TV or my CDs, even my friends and my car to

get along. I could do pretty well with a full stomach, good sleep, hard exercise, and, yep,

a book, which dad had insisted I bring along.

I also had dad. He and I had never really talked like we did over those two weeks.

It's amazing how many things had been left unsaid over the years after he divorced my

mom. He told me about how much the divorce hurt, how he and mom had met and fell in

love, how much he loved me. I got to ask him what caused the divorce and how he felt

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about mom and his new wife. He explained it all and it made some sense. The divorce

didn't happen out of nowhere. There had been problems even before I was born. And,

they didn't hate me or each other. They had good and bad feelings and memories, just like

I did. That was a revelation, an adult one. Things are not always perfect, but that doesn't

mean they're all bad either.

The Friday dad and I left the woods, we were still sweating and the deer flies were

still biting, but I felt different. I grew up on that camping trip. I gained an inner sense of

confidence and independence and I learned life is never the picture-perfect image you

create in your head. There are wet sleeping bags, meals that have to be made, and

relationships that don't always work. But, that's okay; I'll cope.

How does the hook here work better?

Now, work to improve the hook in your own draft.

Last five minutes: Share your hook with your writing partner, and offer each other suggestions.

Homework: Keep revising your college essay, with a focus on revising the hook. Bring in your revise tomorrow.

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Tuesday, October 20, Aim: How can we step out of the genre to raise the level of our essays?

Warm-up: Please take out your essay draft and your notebook.

Exploring new genres: Sometimes writers step out of the genre they are writing in order to develop new language for their ideas and stories.

Trying out poetry can give you evocative or vivid phrases/lines. Trying out reflective, analytical writing can lead to new language to explain your

thinking.

Poetry: After Ms. Palmer demonstrates, choose any type of poem--haiku, rhyming, free verse--and explore some element of your college essay’s story.

Share: Read what you came up with to your partner. Help each other identify phrases that should be added to your essay to strengthen the imagery and language.

Analytical writing: After Ms. Palmer demonstrates, begin with the sentence starter, “If I could get my reader to know one thing it would be…”

Share: Read what you came up with to your partner. Help each other figure out, should any of this be added to your essay?

Homework: Keep working on your essay, adding in elements from today’s poetry and analytical writing exercises. Fill out the personal essay-writing checklist (next page) to assess your progress so far.

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Personal Essay Writing Checklist

Not yet

Starting to…

Yes!

Overall I created a well-developed narrative about a story in my life that shows how I’ve changed. I used my story to comment on a social issue, teach a lesson, and/or develop my POV.

Hook I wrote a beginning that not only sets my story in motion, it also grounds it in a place or situation. It includes details that will later be important to the story. These details might point to the central issue or conflict, show how story elements connect, or hint at my character traits.

Ending I gave the reader a sense of closure by revealing change(s) in my character that followed from events in the story, or perhaps a resolution. If there wasn’t a resolution, I wrote to convey how the events of the story affected me, and to circle back to a central issue, idea or theme.

Organ-ization

I dealt with time in purposeful ways, to bring out the meaning of my story and to reach my audience. I used verb tenses that shift when needed (such as when moving from a flashback into the present tense of the story).

Elabora-tion

I developed action, dialogue, details, and inner thinking to convey an issue, idea, or lesson. I showed what is specific about my experience. I developed the setting and my relationship to that setting.

Craft I used specific, concrete details to help the reader understand the place and the mood.

Spelling My spelling is accurate and my punctuation is correct.

Sentence Structure

I varied my sentence structure, sometimes using simple and sometimes using complex sentences, in order to achieve different purposes throughout my essay.

Look at which “Not yet” and “Starting to” boxes you checked, and note which areas you still need to work on:

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Wednesday, October 21st, Aim: How can we continue examining structure to strengthen our essays?

Let’s look at the parts writers often include in their essays: Engage and orient the reader Suggest a critical issue Show an important lesson Imply a character trait Tell a story as an example Reflect Analyze Connect

When writers draft, they think about drafting all the parts of the genre. Often the sequence or order of those parts can be changeable, but it’s helpful to think about all the parts. To get ready to do this work, writers often return to mentor texts, and study them with the lens of structure, asking themselves, “Which parts does this author include?”

So let’s try it: Let’s read a sample essay, and annotate the essay for these parts. We’ll start together:

While resting comfortably in my air-conditioned bedroom one hot summer night, I received a phone call from my mom. She asked me softly, “Lyle, can you come down and clean up the restaurant?”

Slightly annoyed, I put on my sandals and proceeded downstairs. Mixing the hot water with cleaning detergents, I was ready to clean up the restaurant floor. Usually the process was painstakingly slow: I had to first empty a bucket full of dirty water, only to fill it up again with boiling water. But that night I made quick work and finished in five minutes. My mom, unsatisfied, snatched the mop from me and began to demonstrate the “proper way” to clean the floor. She demanded a redo. I complied, but she showed no signs of approval. As much as I wanted to erupt that night, I had good reasons to stay calm.

Growing up in rural China, my mom concerned herself not with what she would wear to school every day, but rather how she could provide for her family. While many of her classmates immediately joined the work force upon completing high school, my mom had other aspirations. She wanted to be a doctor. But when her college rejections arrived, my mother, despite being one of the strongest individuals I know, broke down. My grandparents urged her to pursue another year of education. She refused. Instead, she took up a modestly paying job as a teacher in order to lessen the financial burden on the family. Today, more than twenty years have passed, yet the walls of my parents’ bedroom still do not bear a framed college degree with the name “Tang Xiao Geng” on it.

In contrast, when I visit my friends, I see the names of elite institutions adorning the living room walls. I am conscious that these framed diplomas are testaments to the hard work and accomplishments of my friends’ parents and siblings. Nevertheless, the sight of

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them was an irritating reminder of the disparity between our households. I was not the upper middle class kid on Park Avenue. Truth be told, I am just some kid from Brooklyn.

Instead of diplomas and accolades, my parents’ room emits a smell from the restaurant uniforms they wear seven days a week, all year round. It’s funny how I never see my mom in makeup, expensive jeans, lavish dresses, or even just casual, everyday clothing that I often see other moms wearing. Yet, one must possess something extraordinary to be able to stand in front of a cash register for 19 years and do so with pride and determination.

On certain nights, I would come home sweaty, dressed in a gold button blazer and colored pants, unmistakable evidence of socializing. In contrast, my mom appears physically and emotionally worn-out from work. But, she still asks me about my day. Consumed by guilt, I find it hard to answer her.

Moments such as those challenge my criteria of what constitutes true success. My mother, despite never going to college, still managed to make a difference in my life. Tomorrow, she will put on her uniform with just as much dignity as a businesswoman would her power suit. What is her secret? She wholeheartedly believes that her son’s future is worth the investment. The outcome of my education will be vindication of that belief.

In hindsight, I’m astounded at the ease with which I can compose all my views of this amazing woman on a piece of paper, but lack the nerve to express my gratitude in conversations. Perhaps, actions will indeed speak louder than words. When I graduate on June 1st, I know she will buy a dress to honor the special occasion. When I toil through my college thesis, I know she will still be mopping the restaurant floor at 11:00 PM. When I finally hang up my diploma in my bedroom, I know she will be smiling.

Note: Many different structures will work for your essay. Here are 2 sample structures: Intro/context/pondering on theme or issue Anecdote Reflection/insight

Intro/context/pondering on theme or issue Anecdote Reflection/insight Anecdote Added reflection/insight

Now, you try it! Experiment with different structures for your essay--move the parts around, shorten some, try out different sequences. You may end up back with your original structure, but it will be more purposeful and deliberate.

Homework: Keep working on your essay--try rewording, cutting, or re-ordering different small parts, to see if these moves make your essay more elegant. Bring in a clean draft tomorrow.

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Thursday October 22nd, Aim: How can we help each other improve and revise our college application essays?

Warm-up: Cut down the following sentences in order to make them more concise:

Emma believed but could not confirm that Joseph had particularly strong feelings of

affection for her.

Working as a pupil under an expert who develops photos was an experience that really

helped me learn a lot of stuff.

What’s the takeaway?

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Peer Editing Workshop: College Application Essay

Essay writer’s name is ______________________________________

Peer editor #1 name: __________________________________

Rules of peer editing: Be respectful! Be sensitive to the fact that this is a rough draft of your peer’s writing. Keep any criticism constructive—no personal attacks.

Read your partner’s essay and fill out the checklist. Then, answer the questions.Not yet

Start-ing to

Yes!

Overall Writer created a well-developed narrative about a story in their life that shows how they’ve changed. They used their story to comment on a social issue, teach a lesson, and/or develop POV.

Hook Writer wrote a beginning that not only sets their story in motion, it also grounds it in a place or situation. It includes details that will later be important to the story. These details might point to the central issue or conflict, show how story elements connect, or hint at the writer’s character traits.

Ending Writer gave the reader a sense of closure by revealing change(s) in their character that followed from events in the story, or perhaps a resolution. If there wasn’t a resolution, they wrote to convey how the events of the story affected them, and to circle back to a central issue, idea or theme.

Organ-ization

Writer dealt with time in purposeful ways, to bring out the meaning of their story and to reach their audience. They used verb tenses that shift when needed (such as when moving from a flashback into the present tense of the story).

Elabora-tion

Writer developed action, dialogue, details, and inner thinking to convey an issue, idea, or lesson. They showed what is specific about their experience. They developed the setting and their relationship to that setting.

Craft Writer used specific, concrete details to help the reader understand the place and the mood.

Spelling Spelling is accurate and punctuation is correct. Sentence Structure

Writer varied sentence structure, sometimes using simple and sometimes using complex sentences, in order to achieve different purposes throughout essay.

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1. What elements of the structure work well?

What specific suggestions do you have to improve the structure of the essay?

2. Which specific, concrete details, if any, made the essay vivid?

In which places would you suggest the writer add more specific details?

3. Which sections, if any, should be more concise? What suggestions do you have for making the essay more concise?

4. Write two specific notes of praise for the piece (Note: It is not enough to say “Good conclusion.” Explain why it is good and how it works well.):a.

b.

5. Write two pieces of specific constructive criticism for the piece (Note: It is not enough to say “Add more anecdotes.” Explain what kind of anecdote you think the writer should why, where he/she should add it, and why.): a.

b.

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Peer Editing Workshop: College Application Essay

Essay writer’s name is ______________________________________

Peer editor #2 name: __________________________________

Rules of peer editing: Be respectful! Be sensitive to the fact that this is a rough draft of your peer’s writing. Keep any criticism constructive—no personal attacks.

Read your partner’s essay and fill out the checklist. Then, answer the questions.Not yet

Start-ing to

Yes!

Overall Writer created a well-developed narrative about a story in their life that shows how they’ve changed. They used their story to comment on a social issue, teach a lesson, and/or develop POV.

Hook Writer wrote a beginning that not only sets their story in motion, it also grounds it in a place or situation. It includes details that will later be important to the story. These details might point to the central issue or conflict, show how story elements connect, or hint at the writer’s character traits.

Ending Writer gave the reader a sense of closure by revealing change(s) in their character that followed from events in the story, or perhaps a resolution. If there wasn’t a resolution, they wrote to convey how the events of the story affected them, and to circle back to a central issue, idea or theme.

Organ-ization

Writer dealt with time in purposeful ways, to bring out the meaning of their story and to reach their audience. They used verb tenses that shift when needed (such as when moving from a flashback into the present tense of the story).

Elabora-tion

Writer developed action, dialogue, details, and inner thinking to convey an issue, idea, or lesson. They showed what is specific about their experience. They developed the setting and their relationship to that setting.

Craft Writer used specific, concrete details to help the reader understand the place and the mood.

Spelling Spelling is accurate and punctuation is correct. Sentence Structure

Writer varied sentence structure, sometimes using simple and sometimes using complex sentences, in order to achieve different purposes throughout essay.

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1. What elements of the structure work well?

What specific suggestions do you have to improve the structure of the essay?

2. Which specific, concrete details, if any, made the essay vivid?

In which places would you suggest the writer add more specific details?

2. Which sections, if any, should be more concise? What suggestions do you have for making the essay more concise?

3. Write two specific notes of praise for the piece (Note: It is not enough to say “Good conclusion.” Explain why it is good and how it works well.):a.

b.

4. Write two pieces of specific constructive criticism for the piece (Note: It is not enough to say “Add more anecdotes.” Explain what kind of anecdote you think the writer should why, where he/she should add it, and why.): a.

b.

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Considerations for the specific Common App Prompts

Common App Prompt #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Consider: What is it that makes you you? Look inward and explain how and why your

identity was influenced by your background or story. Your "story" or "background" isn't a single event. Keep diversity in mind. Colleges want unique individuals, so make sure you’re

not telling a story many others could tell. That said, you don’t need to have grown up in an igloo in Alaska to have a story. Everyone has a story to tell!

Common App Prompt #2: The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Consider: But wait, aren’t I supposed to showcase my strengths? Well, Growing and

maturing is all about learning from our failures. It's easy to boast about accomplishments, but takes more confidence, skill, and introspection to acknowledge and examine our failures.

Let’s break down the Q: o 1. Recount the failure (plot summary, with clear, efficient language). o 2. How did it affect you? (What feelings did failure evoke? Be honest.)o 3. What did you learn? (Be introspective, self-analytical, self-aware.)

Don’t blame your failure on others. You must show you’ve learned from your failure.

Common App Prompt #3: Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?

Consider: It’s open-ended: the "belief or idea" you explore could be your own, your

family’s, a friend’s, or that of a larger group or society. Be honest as you explore the difficulty of working against the status quo or a

firmly held belief. You don’t need to seem like a hero who bravely challenged an idea and easily triumphed.

Whatever your approach, you need to reveal a core personal value and give the college a window into your interests, passions, or motivations. So pick something you’re passionate about.

Let’s break down the Q:

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o Reflect (more than summary; describe, but also analyze and contextualize).

o Explain why you acted how you did. o Look at the big picture. What were the results? Was your action worth the

effort? Did you pay a price for your challenge? Did you or another learn and grow from your efforts? (Your answer doesn’t have to be "yes.”)

College education is all about challenging ideas and beliefs, so this prompt speaks to a skill that’s key for college success (and success in this class!). Use this essay to demonstrate that you have this skill!

Common App Prompt #4: Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.

Consider: Think about traditional obstacles you’ve had to overcome and also small

predicaments that have inspired you to think about what you really value. Think aspirationally: What kind of change would you like to make more of in the

world? How can you positively contribute to a cause that’s important to you? The problem must be linked to your life and world in a meaningful way.

Remember, the point of the essay is to reveal something valuable about yourself. Let’s break down the Q:

o You can choose either a problem you’ve solved OR one you’d like to solve.

o You can choose a very small problem OR a very large problem.o You must explain 1. its significance to you, and 2. the steps you took or

would take to solve your chosen problem.

Common App Prompt #5: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

Consider: This prompt works to explore a single event or achievement that marked a clear

milestone in your personal development. Avoid the "hero" essay (I scored the winning touchdown! I starred in the play!).

Don’t just brag; rather, analyze your personal growth process. Let’s break it down: “Discuss” is vague. Describe the event, and explore how it

marked this significant transition. Address how you’ve changed and what you’ve learned. Be self-reflective.

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Sh!$&y First Drafts, by Anne Lamott (from Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, Andover Books, 1994)

Now, practically even better news than that of short assignments is the idea of sh!$#y first drafts. All good writers write them. This is how they end up with good second drafts and terrific third drafts. People tend to look at successful writers, writers who are getting their books published and maybe even doing well financially, and think that they sit down at their desks every morning feeling like a million dollars, feeling great about who they are and how much talent they have and what a great story they have to tell; that they take in a few deep breaths, push back their sleeves, roll their necks a few times to get all the cricks out, and dive in, typing fully formed passages as fast as a court reporter. But this is just the fantasy of the uninitiated. I know some very great writers, writers you love who write beautifully and have made a great deal of money, and not one of them sits down routinely feeling wildly enthusiastic and confident. Not one of them writes elegant first drafts. All right, one of them does, but we do not like her very much. We don’t think that she has a rich inner life or that God likes her or can even stand her. (Although when I mentioned this to my priest friend Tom, he said you can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.)

Very few writers really know what they arc doing until they've done it. Nor do they go about their business feeling dewy and thrilled. They do not type a few stiff warm-up sentences and then find themselves bounding along like huskies across the snow. One writer I know tells me that he sits down every morning and says to himself nicely, "It's not like you don't have a choice, because you do--you can either type or kill yourself." We all often feel like we are pulling teeth, even those writers whose prose ends up being the most natural and fluid. The right words and sentences just do not come pouring out like ticker tape most of the time. Now, Muriel Spark is said to have felt that she was taking dictation from God every morning—sitting there, one supposes, plugged into a Dictaphone, typing away, humming. But this is a very hostile and aggressive position. One might hope for bad things to rain down on a person like this. For me and most of the other writers I know, writing is not rapturous. In fact, the only way I can get anything written at all is to write really, really sh!$&y first drafts.

The first draft is the child's draft, where you let it all pour out and then let it romp all over the place, knowing that no one is going to see it and that you can shape it later. You just let this childlike part of you channel whatever voices and visions come through and onto the page. If one of the characters wants to say, "Well, so what, Mr. Poopy Pants?," you let her. No one is going to see it. If the kid wants to get into really sentimental, weepy, emotional territory, you let him. Just get it all down on paper, because there may be some thing great in those six crazy pages that you would never have gotten to by more rational, grown-up means. There may be something in the very last line of the very last paragraph on page six that you just love, that is so beautiful or wild that you now know what you're supposed to be writing about, more or less, or in what direction you might go--but there was no way to get to this without first getting through the first five and a half pages.

I used to write food reviews for California magazine before it folded. (My writing food

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reviews had nothing to do with the magazine folding, although every single review did cause a couple of canceled subscriptions. Some readers took umbrage at my comparing mounds of vegetable puree with various ex-presidents' brains.) These reviews always took two days to write. First I'd go to a restaurant several times with a few opinionated, articulate friends in tow. I'd sit there writing down everything anyone said that was at all interesting or funny. Then on the following Monday I'd sit down at my desk with my notes, and try to write the review. Even after I'd been doing this for years, panic would set in. I'd try to write a lead, but instead I'd write a couple of dreadful sentences, xx them out, try again, xx everything out, and then feel despair and worry settle on my chest like an x-ray apron. It's over, I'd think, calmly. I'm not going to be able to get the magic to work this time. I'm ruined. I'm through. I'm toast. Maybe, I'd think, I can get my old job back as a clerk-typist. But probably not. I'd get up and study my teeth in the mirror for a while. Then I'd stop, remember to breathe, make a few phone calls, hit the kitchen and chow down. Eventually I'd go back and sit down at my desk, and sigh for the next ten minutes. Finally I would pick up my one-inch picture frame, stare into it as if for the answer, and every time the answer would come: all I had to do was to writea really sh!*&y first draft of, say, the opening paragraph. And no one was going to see it.

So I'd start writing without reining myself in. It was almost just typing, just making my fingers move. And the writing would be terrible. I'd write a lead paragraph that was a whole page, even though the entire review could only be three pages long, and then I'd start writing up descriptions of the food, one dish at a time, bird by bird, and the critics would be sitting on my shoulders, commenting like cartoon characters. They'd be pretending to snore, or rolling their eyes at my overwrought descriptions, no matter how hard I tried to tone those descriptions down, no matter how conscious I was of what a friend said to me gently in my early days of restaurant reviewing. "Annie," she said, "it is just a piece of chicken. It is just a bit of cake."

But because by then I had been writing for so long, I would eventually let myself trust the process--sort of, more or less. I'd write a first draft that was maybe twice as long as it should be, with a self-indulgent and boring beginning, stupefying descriptions of the meal, lots of quotes from my black-humored friends that made them sound more like the Manson girls than food lovers, and no ending to speak of. The whole thing would be so long and incoherent and hideous that for the rest of the day I'd obsess about getting creamed by a car before I could write a decent second draft. I'd worry that people would read what I'd written and believe that the accident had really been a suicide, that I had panicked because my talent was waning and my mind was shot.

The next day, though, I'd sit down, go through it all with a colored pen, take out everything I possibly could, find a new lead somewhere on the second page, figure out a kicky place to end it, and then write a second draft. It always turned out fine, sometimes even funny and weird and helpful. I'd go over it one more time and mail it in.

Then, a month later, when it was time for another review, the whole process would start again, complete with the fears that people would find my first draft before I could rewrite it.

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General tips from Ms. Palmer for writing the college application essay:

Think small. Don’t tell your whole life story in 500 words. Find a story in your life that meant something to you, then ask yourself: Is this story representative of my larger, more valuable qualities? It’s better to talk about accidentally bringing home the wrong beagle from the pet store, for example, than why you love dogs.

Feel lost? Ask yourself: What am I trying to say about myself, and am I using a specific, compelling example to tell my story?

Write now; edit later. You’re often your own worst critic, but great material can come from pouring it all out on the page. We’ll have time to edit.

It’s all in the details. Many students tend to be generic when they talk about their life. Details give a reader a clear picture and paint a memorable portrait of you and your experience.

Beware of clichés. Original phrasing keeps writing vibrant.

Entertain your reader, whether your subject is serious, sentimental, pithy, or uplifting. To do so, you’ll need a compelling subject, a direct and powerful narrative, and a memorable style. As you read over your drafts, ask yourself, is this essay fun to read? It doesn’t have to be funny (although it can be), but it can’t be boring. 

Whichever prompt you choose, the point is to reveal your personality and character. Portray yourself positively. This doesn’t mean you can’t reveal weakness or difficulty, but show how you learned from it and came away stronger.

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Just for fun… Sample Essay [Note: This one may be fake—it’s been circulating on the Internet for several years—but it’s quite entertaining nonetheless.]:

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college. —Hugh Gallagher

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Name: _________________________________________ Class section: ________

A.P. English: College Application Essay AssignmentFinal draft due: Friday, October 23rd

Pick one of the following prompts (options for the 2014-15 Common Application Essay). Circle the prompt you’ve chosen.

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

2. The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

3. Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?

4. Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.

5. Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

6. Alternative option: a specific prompt from a college you’re applying to. Write prompt here: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Instructions: In response to your chosen prompt, craft a 500-650-word personal essay that you could use on your college applications. Refer back to the class lessons from the past two weeks for guidance. Pay attention to organization, detailed and concise language, and proper conventions and grammar—and make sure you are truly answering the question prompt!

Requirements: 500-650 words, typed, double-spaced, Times New Roman, 12 point font. Turn in a hard copy. Staple this assignment sheet and rubric, to the back. Share a digital copy via Google Docs with MsPalmerEnglish@gmail.com. Final draft due Friday, October 23rd. See grading rubric on next page.

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Grading Rubric

Excellent Strong Solid DevelopingOverall: Writer created a well-developed narrative about a story in their life that shows how they’ve changed. They used their story to comment on a social issue, teach a lesson, and/or develop POV. (out of 35) (35) (30) (25) (20)Elaboration and craft: Writer developed action, dialogue, details, and inner thinking to convey an issue, idea, or lesson. They used craft moves to show what is specific about their experience in a vivid and evocative way. (out of 30) (30) (25) (20) (15)Structure: Writer used masterful sequencing and pacing. The hook sets the story in motion and grounds it in a place or situation, and the ending gives a sense of closure by reveling change(s) in their character that follow from events in the story. (out of 20) (20) (17) (14) (11)Spelling and grammar: Writer shows excellent control over standard writing conventions, and employs them with precision to enhance meaning. Text is edited and polished. (out of 15) (15) (12) (9) (6)

Total score:

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