VendettaVendetta

Spelling Starter

Writing Returns and target setting – how is it done?

Goal: To explore the possible moral purpose of a text.

VendettaVendetta

First prediction – what does ‘Vendetta’ mean? What language does it come from? Why might the story be called this?

•Reading – first 3 paragraphs – what is your impression of this place? What would it be like to live there?

•Reading – next section. What might the idea be? Write a prediction about how you think this story will end in your books.

•Reading – how close was your prediction?

•Guess what – you don’t actually know the end! There is one more paragraph. Write in your book what you think it might be.

Goal: To explore the possible moral purpose of a text.

Vendetta: Features of Vendetta: Features of DescriptionDescription

Goal: To understand the techniques used to establish an atmosphere, and show Goal: To understand the techniques used to establish an atmosphere, and show this understanding in your own writing.this understanding in your own writing.

Spelling StarterSpelling Starter

Re-read the first two paragraphs – in your group Re-read the first two paragraphs – in your group come to a consensus about the 3 most descriptivecome to a consensus about the 3 most descriptive sentences.sentences.

Feedback and discussion.Feedback and discussion.

Your turn – use the features of descriptive writingYour turn – use the features of descriptive writing we've identified to create your own description of we've identified to create your own description of one of the following places.one of the following places.

Best sentence feedbackBest sentence feedback

The widow of Paolo Saverini lived alone with her son in a poor little house on the outskirts of Bonifacio. The town, built on an outjutting part of the mountain, in places even overhanging the sea, looks across the straits, full of sandbanks, towards the southernmost coast of Sardinia. Beneath it, on the other side and almost surrounding it, is a cleft in the cliff like an immense corridor which serves as a harbor, and along it the little Italian and Sardinian fishing boats come by a circuitous route between precipitous cliffs as far as the first houses, and every two weeks the old, wheezy steamer which makes the trip to Ajaccio.On the white mountain the houses, massed together, makes an even whiter spot. They look like the nests of wild birds, clinging to this peak, overlooking this terrible passage, where vessels rarely venture. The wind, which blows uninterruptedly, has swept bare the forbidding coast; it drives through the narrow straits and lays waste both sides. The pale streaks of foam, clinging to the black rocks, whose countless peaks rise up out of the water, look like bits of rag floating and drifting on the surface of the sea.

Vendetta: Exploring StyleVendetta: Exploring Style

Goal: To understand the effects created by the style of Goal: To understand the effects created by the style of language in this story.language in this story.

ReadingReading

Language questions:Language questions:

FeedbackFeedback

Letter to a Guy de Mapassant forger.Letter to a Guy de Mapassant forger.

Dear SirDear Sir

Though I don’t agree with your morals, should you wish to forge a ‘missing’ Though I don’t agree with your morals, should you wish to forge a ‘missing’ short story by the above author, I suggest you use the following language short story by the above author, I suggest you use the following language techniques …techniques …

(How the writer likes to write, with examples and effects)(How the writer likes to write, with examples and effects)

Language QuestionsLanguage QuestionsRegular QuestionsRegular Questions Challenging QuestionsChallenging Questions

1.1. What does the adjective ‘mean’ in What does the adjective ‘mean’ in the first sentence suggest about the first sentence suggest about the widow?the widow?

2.2. What does the word ‘over-hanging’ What does the word ‘over-hanging’ mean?mean?

3.3. What does ‘Out-jutting’ mean? What does ‘Out-jutting’ mean? What does this word suggest about What does this word suggest about the setting?the setting?

4.4. What do the adjectives ‘old’ and What do the adjectives ‘old’ and ‘Wheezy’ suggest about the ‘Wheezy’ suggest about the steamer?steamer?

5.5. What word is repeated in the What word is repeated in the sentence beginning, ‘On the…’? sentence beginning, ‘On the…’? What does it help to emphasize?What does it help to emphasize?

6.6. What does ‘swept bare’’ mean? What does ‘swept bare’’ mean? How do these words help to build How do these words help to build an atmosphere?an atmosphere?

7.7. Find and copy an example of a Find and copy an example of a simile and say what it helps you to simile and say what it helps you to picture in your imagination.picture in your imagination.

8.8. Find an adverb and explain what it Find an adverb and explain what it helps you to picture in your helps you to picture in your imagination.imagination.

Find and example of each of the Find and example of each of the following language features and following language features and explain what effect they have on explain what effect they have on the reader – what they make the the reader – what they make the reader picture, think or feel.reader picture, think or feel.

1.1. 2 Similes2 Similes

2.2. 2 Personifications2 Personifications

3.3. RepetitionRepetition

4.4. AlliterationAlliteration

5.5. Onomatopoeia (1 example)Onomatopoeia (1 example)

6.6. ImageryImagery

7.7. Appeals to the sensesAppeals to the senses

Examination Day Examination Day Goal: To understand what the purpose of this Goal: To understand what the purpose of this text is – i.e the message the author is tryingtext is – i.e the message the author is tryingto get across.to get across.

Assessment ReturnsAssessment Returns

Vocabulary unscramble: these two key words are scrambles. Vocabulary unscramble: these two key words are scrambles. What are they?What are they?

res / fo / ing / ow / had res / fo / ing / ow / had ism / an / ri / lita / tota ism / an / ri / lita / tota

Copy these definitions into your booksCopy these definitions into your books

Foreshadowing – To hint at the ending of a story Foreshadowing – To hint at the ending of a story Totalitarianism – A government that has total power and control Totalitarianism – A government that has total power and control

over every part of its citizens’ livesover every part of its citizens’ lives

Reading and DiscussionReading and Discussion

What does the ending mean?What does the ending mean? How can that make sense?How can that make sense?

Questions to check for sense.Questions to check for sense.1.1. What happens to Dickie at the end of the What happens to Dickie at the end of the

story? story? 2.2. Why does this happen to Dickie?Why does this happen to Dickie?3.3. Why does the government want to kill Why does the government want to kill

people like Dickie?people like Dickie?4.4. What might this story be a warning about?What might this story be a warning about?

Examination DayExamination DayGoal: To be able to find examples of foreshadowingGoal: To be able to find examples of foreshadowing

SpellingSpelling

Discussion – how does the following sentence foreshadow the ending of Discussion – how does the following sentence foreshadow the ending of ‘Examination Day’? ‘Examination Day’?

‘ ‘Go read your comic books Dickie’ Go read your comic books Dickie’

Dickie’s father encourages him to read comic books because you don’t learn Dickie’s father encourages him to read comic books because you don’t learn anything from them, so therefore it won’t increase Dickie’s intellect and anything from them, so therefore it won’t increase Dickie’s intellect and he’ll ‘pass’ the test,he’ll ‘pass’ the test,

G/W: Quotation Search – find and copy quotations that foreshadow the endingG/W: Quotation Search – find and copy quotations that foreshadow the ending

MUST – 5 Quotes, all explainedMUST – 5 Quotes, all explained

Should -8 Quotes, all explainedShould -8 Quotes, all explained

Could – 15 Quotes, all explainedCould – 15 Quotes, all explained

Jigsawing – most subtle to groups, most obvoius, from groupsJigsawing – most subtle to groups, most obvoius, from groups

What does this image What does this image suggestsuggest

Examination Day: Examination Day: CharacterisationCharacterisation

Goal: To be able to identify how the author creates his Goal: To be able to identify how the author creates his character.character.

Reading Reading

Key Word: Tragic flaw – what do you think this might mean?Key Word: Tragic flaw – what do you think this might mean?

Copy the definition below into your booksCopy the definition below into your books

Definition: Tragic flaw is a quality a character has that brings Definition: Tragic flaw is a quality a character has that brings about his or her own downfall.about his or her own downfall.

Discussion – how can a writer create our view of a character?Discussion – how can a writer create our view of a character?

Understanding CharacterUnderstanding CharacterExplain what the following quotations suggest about Dickie.Explain what the following quotations suggest about Dickie.

QuotationQuotation Implication (What it suggests)Implication (What it suggests)

1. ‘He was an alert eyed 1. ‘He was an alert eyed youngster with a youngster with a quick nervous quick nervous manner.’manner.’

2. ‘He … seemed 2. ‘He … seemed uninterested in the uninterested in the colourful scenes of colourful scenes of fast paced action.’fast paced action.’

He is bored by comic books – they aren’t He is bored by comic books – they aren’t really stimulating for him – perhaps he’s too really stimulating for him – perhaps he’s too clever for them.clever for them.

3. ‘What makes it green 3. ‘What makes it green though, the grass?’though, the grass?’

4. ‘I get good marks in 4. ‘I get good marks in school.’ he said school.’ he said hesitantly.’hesitantly.’

5. ‘Dickie’s face showed 5. ‘Dickie’s face showed puzzlement and a puzzlement and a touch of fright.touch of fright.

Understanding CharacterUnderstanding CharacterExplain what the following quotations suggest about Dickie.Explain what the following quotations suggest about Dickie.

QuotationQuotation Implication (What it suggests)Implication (What it suggests)

‘‘He was an alert eyed He was an alert eyed youngster with a quick youngster with a quick nervous manner.’nervous manner.’

This implies he is very quick and clever – This implies he is very quick and clever – he notices things around him.he notices things around him.

‘‘He … seemed He … seemed uninterested in the uninterested in the colourful scenes of fast colourful scenes of fast paced action.’paced action.’

He is bored by comic books – they aren’t He is bored by comic books – they aren’t really stimulating for him – perhaps he’s really stimulating for him – perhaps he’s too clever for them.too clever for them.

‘‘What makes it green What makes it green though, the grass?’though, the grass?’

He’s very inquisitive and wants to find ut He’s very inquisitive and wants to find ut how the world works.how the world works.

‘‘I get good marks in I get good marks in school.’ he said school.’ he said hesitantly.’hesitantly.’

He thinks he’s smart enough to do the He thinks he’s smart enough to do the test, but is perceptive enough to be a bit test, but is perceptive enough to be a bit worried about it.worried about it.

‘‘Dickie’s face showed Dickie’s face showed puzzlement and a touch puzzlement and a touch of fright.of fright.

He’s unsure about what’s happening but He’s unsure about what’s happening but is clever enough to be anxious because of is clever enough to be anxious because of the behaviour of those around him.the behaviour of those around him.

Show don’t tell…Show don’t tell…

Write your own description of a character who Write your own description of a character who would ‘pass’ (i.e fail) the government intelligent would ‘pass’ (i.e fail) the government intelligent test.test.

Try to be subtle – show the reader your character is Try to be subtle – show the reader your character is not very clever – don’t tell them.not very clever – don’t tell them.

Optional starter: Craig sat in the corner, Optional starter: Craig sat in the corner, concentrating hard on his comic book. He had concentrating hard on his comic book. He had been looking at the same page for …been looking at the same page for …

Feedback.Feedback.

Shared Character ProfileShared Character Profile

Jimmy-Bob sounded out his name as he spelt Jimmy-Bob sounded out his name as he spelt it on the front of his book. After one hour, he it on the front of his book. After one hour, he finally finished his ‘Biff and Chip’ book. finally finished his ‘Biff and Chip’ book.

He bit his lip, nibbling the loosening flap of He bit his lip, nibbling the loosening flap of skin, as he told his teacher he, ‘Don’t get it.’ skin, as he told his teacher he, ‘Don’t get it.’ for the 20for the 20thth time that morning. time that morning.

Later that day, when he got home, he ran Later that day, when he got home, he ran straight to the kitchen and ate his usual after straight to the kitchen and ate his usual after school snack: three packets of Hob-Nobs, school snack: three packets of Hob-Nobs, dipped in hommous.dipped in hommous.

KillersKillers Goal: To understand the message the author was trying to Goal: To understand the message the author was trying to

communicate through this story.communicate through this story.

Key Word: IronyKey Word: Irony

Definition – when the opposite meaning of what is said, is the Definition – when the opposite meaning of what is said, is the true meaning, like subtle sarcasm, OR when the outcome of true meaning, like subtle sarcasm, OR when the outcome of a situation is the opposite of what was hoped for.a situation is the opposite of what was hoped for.

Reading ‘Killers’Reading ‘Killers’

Comprehension questions – next slideComprehension questions – next slide

Comprehension QuestionsComprehension QuestionsRegular QuestionsRegular Questions Challenging QuestionsChallenging Questions

1.1. Where are the family going Where are the family going and what are they going and what are they going there for?there for?

2.2. What do they see on the What do they see on the road? What do they do to it? road? What do they do to it? Why? Why?

3.3. How does the focus of the How does the focus of the story change half way down story change half way down the first page? the first page?

4.4. Who finds the hawk – what Who finds the hawk – what do they do at first?do they do at first?

5.5. Why do the boys kill the Why do the boys kill the hawk?hawk?

6.6. How is the girl different from How is the girl different from the rest of her family? the rest of her family?

1.1. What impressions of the man What impressions of the man and woman are created by and woman are created by the speaking verbs (such as the speaking verbs (such as ‘grumbled’) That are used?‘grumbled’) That are used?

2.2. In what way is the comment In what way is the comment ‘Why were such murderous ‘Why were such murderous creatures ever made’ ironic?creatures ever made’ ironic?

3.3. What is the purpose of the What is the purpose of the shift in narrative perspective shift in narrative perspective half way down the first page?half way down the first page?

4.4. How does the writer How does the writer manipulate your sympathy in manipulate your sympathy in this story?this story?

5.5. Why is the story called Why is the story called ‘Killers’ – notice the plural.‘Killers’ – notice the plural.

Killers: Kill or be Killers: Kill or be killed?killed?

Goal: To understand the message the writer of this story was trying Goal: To understand the message the writer of this story was trying to communicate.to communicate.

ReadingReading

G/W: List all the people or creatures that kill, or try to kill, in this story G/W: List all the people or creatures that kill, or try to kill, in this story (Look carefully, there might be more than you think.)(Look carefully, there might be more than you think.)

For each one give their killing a rating out of 10 – 10 being a horrible For each one give their killing a rating out of 10 – 10 being a horrible thing to do, one being completely understandable.thing to do, one being completely understandable.

Write a reason below each to explain.Write a reason below each to explain.

E.g. The hawk is a killer because it has killed a rabbit.E.g. The hawk is a killer because it has killed a rabbit.1/10 – The hawk kills to feed itself – it’s a predator and must hunt to 1/10 – The hawk kills to feed itself – it’s a predator and must hunt to

survive.survive.

Paragraph responseParagraph response

Regular question: I think that the point that O. E. Regular question: I think that the point that O. E. Middleton was trying to make in ‘killers’ is that Middleton was trying to make in ‘killers’ is that ……

OR OR

Challenging question: The quotation, ‘Why were Challenging question: The quotation, ‘Why were such murderous creatures ever made’ hints at such murderous creatures ever made’ hints at the point of O. E. Middleton’s ‘Killers’ because the point of O. E. Middleton’s ‘Killers’ because ……

Plenary – In what way is Killers ‘ironic’??Plenary – In what way is Killers ‘ironic’??

The SniperThe SniperGoal: To understand the effects achieved Goal: To understand the effects achieved

by different sentence structures in this by different sentence structures in this storystory

ReadingReading

Discussion – The troublesDiscussion – The troubles

Reading – The SniperReading – The Sniper

Comprehension QuestionsComprehension QuestionsRegular QuestionsRegular Questions Challenging QuestionsChallenging Questions

1.1. What is the purpose of the What is the purpose of the opening paragraph?? opening paragraph??

2.2. How does the length of the How does the length of the sentences change in the sentences change in the third paragraph? Why do third paragraph? Why do you think that happens? you think that happens?

3.3. What is the shortest What is the shortest sentence in the 8sentence in the 8thth paragraph? Why do you paragraph? Why do you think this sentence in think this sentence in particular is very short?particular is very short?

4.4. How do the start of the How do the start of the sentences in the 9sentences in the 9thth paragraph help to switch paragraph help to switch from one thing to another?from one thing to another?

1.1. How do the long, complex How do the long, complex sentences in the opening sentences in the opening paragraph help the author to paragraph help the author to achieve his purpose?achieve his purpose?

2.2. How is the pace and the How is the pace and the tension increased in the third tension increased in the third paragraph?paragraph?

3.3. What particular idea is What particular idea is emphasized by the sentence emphasized by the sentence length in the 8length in the 8thth paragraph? paragraph?

4.4. What do you notice about What do you notice about the way sentences begin in the way sentences begin in the 9the 9thth paragraph? Why do paragraph? Why do you think the writer did this?you think the writer did this?

Comprehension QuestionsComprehension QuestionsRegular QuestionsRegular Questions Challenging QuestionsChallenging Questions

1.1. What is the purpose of the What is the purpose of the opening paragraph?? opening paragraph??

2.2. How does the length of the How does the length of the sentences change in the sentences change in the third paragraph? Why do third paragraph? Why do you think that happens? you think that happens?

3.3. What is the shortest What is the shortest sentence in the 7sentence in the 7thth paragraph? Why do you paragraph? Why do you think this sentence in think this sentence in particular is very short?particular is very short?

4.4. How do the start of the How do the start of the sentences in the 8sentences in the 8thth paragraph help to switch paragraph help to switch from one thing to another?from one thing to another?

1.1. How do the long, complex How do the long, complex sentences in the opening sentences in the opening paragraph help the author to paragraph help the author to achieve his purpose?achieve his purpose?

2.2. How is the pace and the How is the pace and the tension increased in the third tension increased in the third paragraph?paragraph?

3.3. What particular idea is What particular idea is emphasized by the sentence emphasized by the sentence length in the 7length in the 7thth paragraph? paragraph?

4.4. What do you notice about What do you notice about the way sentences begin in the way sentences begin in the 8the 8thth paragraph? Why do paragraph? Why do you think the writer did this?you think the writer did this?

Your turn …Your turn …

Write a paragraph about somebody being Write a paragraph about somebody being caught doing something they shouldn’t.caught doing something they shouldn’t.

Use …Use … Some long sentences to build descriptionSome long sentences to build description Some middle length sentences Some middle length sentences Some short sentences to build tension Some short sentences to build tension A really short sentence (One or two words) A really short sentence (One or two words)

for real impact.for real impact.

The SniperThe Sniper Goal: To be able to identify and Goal: To be able to identify and

comment on the purpose of the writer.comment on the purpose of the writer.

Skim reading – how to be a champion readerSkim reading – how to be a champion reader Skim read ‘The Sniper’Skim read ‘The Sniper’ Discussion – what point Discussion – what point

is the writer of this storyis the writer of this story trying to communicate??? trying to communicate??? (Listen, speak and learn)(Listen, speak and learn)

PEAingPEAing

Sniper PEAingSniper PEAingMUST 1 PEA, Should 2 PEA, Could 3 PEAMUST 1 PEA, Should 2 PEA, Could 3 PEA

The main point that writer of ‘Sniper is trying to The main point that writer of ‘Sniper is trying to communicate is that ……………………………………..communicate is that ……………………………………..

The quotation ‘ ………………………………..’ shows this The quotation ‘ ………………………………..’ shows this point clearly. This line implies that …………… point clearly. This line implies that …………… ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Another aspect of the story that hints at this message Another aspect of the story that hints at this message is when ………………………………………………….. A is when ………………………………………………….. A good example of this is in the quotation ‘ good example of this is in the quotation ‘ ………………… ……………….’ Here the writer’s ………………… ……………….’ Here the writer’s words suggest that words suggest that ……………...................................................................……………...................................................................

One further aspect of the story …..One further aspect of the story …..

Perfect P.E.APerfect P.E.A

The main point that writer of ‘Sniper is trying The main point that writer of ‘Sniper is trying to communicate is that civil war is perhaps to communicate is that civil war is perhaps the worst sort of war. The quotation ‘The the worst sort of war. The quotation ‘The sniper turned over the dead body and sniper turned over the dead body and looked into his brother’s face’ shows this looked into his brother’s face’ shows this point clearly. This line implies that no-one point clearly. This line implies that no-one knew who it was they were fighting, it knew who it was they were fighting, it could literally tear families apart, as it could literally tear families apart, as it could result in brother killing brother. could result in brother killing brother.

Conclusion.Conclusion.

Rewrite the last paragraph of the story Rewrite the last paragraph of the story to completely reverse the purpose of to completely reverse the purpose of the story - - that is rather than it the story - - that is rather than it being a lesson in the horrors of civil being a lesson in the horrors of civil war, make it a story which glorifies war, make it a story which glorifies battle.battle.

The Last SpinThe Last SpinGoal – to be able to identify the way the author Goal – to be able to identify the way the author

creates tension in the story.creates tension in the story.

ReadingReading

The Last SpinThe Last Spin

G/W: Tension techniquesG/W: Tension techniques

Tension GraphingTension Graphing

FeedbackFeedback

Find and label an example of each of the techniques Find and label an example of each of the techniques listed below that are used to create tensionlisted below that are used to create tension

1.1. Strings of short sentencesStrings of short sentences

2.2. Pauses and hesitationsPauses and hesitations

3.3. Threats and perilThreats and peril

4.4. Ellipsis (…)Ellipsis (…)

5.5. OnomatopoeiaOnomatopoeia

6.6. Sudden shocksSudden shocks

Exploring Narrative TensionExploring Narrative Tension

Narrative means story – so narrative tension means tension that comes from the plot or storyline.

Divide the story into 8 -12 sections for you. Plot each section on the graph to trace the development of tension in this scene.

1. Danny describes Tigo as ‘The Enemy

Part of the scene

Tension

Narrative Tension

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

PEA Task: PEA Task: How does Evan Hunter create tension in ‘The Last Spin’?How does Evan Hunter create tension in ‘The Last Spin’?

Challenging Task – complete three – five PEA paragraphs Challenging Task – complete three – five PEA paragraphs on the above topic. on the above topic.

Regular task – do the same using the skeleton below:Regular task – do the same using the skeleton below:

One technique Hunter uses to create tension is ………….One technique Hunter uses to create tension is ………….A quotation which shows this is ‘ ……………………………… A quotation which shows this is ‘ ………………………………

…………………….. This creates tension because …………………………….. This creates tension because ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

…………..Another technique Hunter uses is ………… (Repeat this Another technique Hunter uses is ………… (Repeat this

structure three times!)structure three times!)Feedback – share with group and pick best paragraph to Feedback – share with group and pick best paragraph to

share with classshare with class

The Last Spin - ComprehensionThe Last Spin - ComprehensionGoal: To be able to demonstrate an understanding of the purpose Goal: To be able to demonstrate an understanding of the purpose

and ideas in this story.and ideas in this story.

Regular QuestionsRegular Questions Challenging QuestionsChallenging Questions

1.1. What sorts of coloured jackets What sorts of coloured jackets are the two boys wearing? Why is are the two boys wearing? Why is this important?this important?

2.2. Why do the boys have to go Why do the boys have to go through with the Russian through with the Russian Roulette?Roulette?

3.3. Why is Danny suspicious when Why is Danny suspicious when Tigo volunteers to go first?Tigo volunteers to go first?

4.4. Look at the bottom of the first Look at the bottom of the first page. How are the boys similar in page. How are the boys similar in what they think of the gun? Why what they think of the gun? Why is this important to the story?is this important to the story?

5.5. Why does Tigo say ‘this is a good Why does Tigo say ‘this is a good way to lose weight’?way to lose weight’?

6.6. Why do the boys begin to admire Why do the boys begin to admire and like one another?and like one another?

7.7. What do they decide to do at the What do they decide to do at the end and how does this make the end and how does this make the story sadder.story sadder.

1.1. Describe Danny’s attitude to Tigo Describe Danny’s attitude to Tigo at the start of the story?at the start of the story?

2.2. How does Tigo differ to Danny at How does Tigo differ to Danny at the beginning?the beginning?

3.3. Why do you think Tigo decides to Why do you think Tigo decides to go first? What might this suggest go first? What might this suggest about his character?about his character?

4.4. What similarities do the two boys What similarities do the two boys discover they have?discover they have?

5.5. Why do you think Danny fires the Why do you think Danny fires the last shot?last shot?

6.6. How does the boys’ attitude How does the boys’ attitude toward one another change as toward one another change as the story progresses?the story progresses?

7.7. What do you think the message of What do you think the message of this story is?this story is?

Exploring TigoExploring TigoWrite the next section of the story, - what Write the next section of the story, - what

will Tigo say to the rest of his club? To will Tigo say to the rest of his club? To Danny’s club? What would he be Danny’s club? What would he be thinking that night? How would he act thinking that night? How would he act when he saw Juana? His Mother? when he saw Juana? His Mother?

First Line: After what seemed to be an First Line: After what seemed to be an eternity, Tigo stood up from the table eternity, Tigo stood up from the table and slowly, slowly walked towards the and slowly, slowly walked towards the doordoor

Assessment: Answer ONE Assessment: Answer ONE questionquestion

1.1. Describe an important character from TWO short stories and Describe an important character from TWO short stories and explain why each is interestingexplain why each is interesting

2.2. Describe an important challenge faced by a character form TWO Describe an important challenge faced by a character form TWO stories and explain why the challenge was interesting.stories and explain why the challenge was interesting.

3.3. Describe ONE significant detail from each text and explain why Describe ONE significant detail from each text and explain why it was interesting.it was interesting.

Reminder = spend ONE sentence describing. Try to give THREE Reminder = spend ONE sentence describing. Try to give THREE reasons why it’s interestingreasons why it’s interesting

You could start sentences like this:You could start sentences like this:

One interesting thing about this character / detail / challenge is …One interesting thing about this character / detail / challenge is …A further interesting thing is ….A further interesting thing is ….Additionally, this was also interesting because ….Additionally, this was also interesting because ….

RevisionRevision

Goal: To revise the main parts of Goal: To revise the main parts of each short storyeach short story

To learn how to plan for P.E.A. testsTo learn how to plan for P.E.A. tests

Exemplar AnalysisExemplar Analysis

Goal: to critically assess models of Goal: to critically assess models of PEA essaysPEA essays

In your group, read both examples of In your group, read both examples of PEA essays. Pick which one is better PEA essays. Pick which one is better and give 3 – 5 reasons whyand give 3 – 5 reasons why

Exemplar OneExemplar OneDescribe an important character in the text and say why Describe an important character in the text and say why

he/she is important. he/she is important. The Whole of the MoonThe Whole of the Moon - Ian Mune - Ian MuneKirk is a memorable character because he learns a lot about Kirk is a memorable character because he learns a lot about

himself from meeting Marty. When Kirk a roller blade champ is in an himself from meeting Marty. When Kirk a roller blade champ is in an accident, put in hospital and diagnosed with cancer, he has to deal accident, put in hospital and diagnosed with cancer, he has to deal with Marty a girl who is in hospital already with cancer - and life with with Marty a girl who is in hospital already with cancer - and life with a stiff leg. a stiff leg.

When Kirk is put in hospital, told he has cancer and has to When Kirk is put in hospital, told he has cancer and has to

amputate his leg, he becomes very distressed. He loses his friends amputate his leg, he becomes very distressed. He loses his friends and a recent girlfriend. He is memorable because he is determined and a recent girlfriend. He is memorable because he is determined not to lose his leg.not to lose his leg.

When he meets Marty, she is very mean to him. She pushes him When he meets Marty, she is very mean to him. She pushes him into the pool with a wheelchair and tells him to get on with his life. into the pool with a wheelchair and tells him to get on with his life. She despises Kirk, as she comes from a background of abuse, and She despises Kirk, as she comes from a background of abuse, and Kirk is a city rich boy. She steals his roller blades and his walkman. Kirk is a city rich boy. She steals his roller blades and his walkman. But Kirk, determined to get his rollerblades, begins to learn to walk. But Kirk, determined to get his rollerblades, begins to learn to walk. This is how Kirk and Marty's relationship starts to build up from love This is how Kirk and Marty's relationship starts to build up from love to hate. They rely on each other. Kirk becomes dependent on Marty's to hate. They rely on each other. Kirk becomes dependent on Marty's friendship - and Marty on Kirk's love. Together they fight the battle of friendship - and Marty on Kirk's love. Together they fight the battle of cancer - and help each other through life. Kirk learns to walk with a cancer - and help each other through life. Kirk learns to walk with a stiff leg, and Marty gains a friend. stiff leg, and Marty gains a friend.

Marty helps Kirk deal with fighting the battle of cancer and a stiff Marty helps Kirk deal with fighting the battle of cancer and a stiff leg. Kirk is memorable because he becomes accepting of what has leg. Kirk is memorable because he becomes accepting of what has happened to him - and learns to face the worries of life. happened to him - and learns to face the worries of life.

Exemplar TwoExemplar Two

Describe an important idea dealt with in the text. Why is this Describe an important idea dealt with in the text. Why is this idea important?idea important?

UtuUtu - Geoff Murphy. - Geoff Murphy. This is a perfect film to study, as it has a great theme and is very This is a perfect film to study, as it has a great theme and is very

exciting to watch. The overall theme of the film is revenge, and exciting to watch. The overall theme of the film is revenge, and how easy it is to get sucked into trying to get your revenge - "utu". how easy it is to get sucked into trying to get your revenge - "utu". Several characters aim to gain utu for a range of different Several characters aim to gain utu for a range of different reasons.reasons.

Straight away when watching, you will agree that the theme is still Straight away when watching, you will agree that the theme is still relevant today. The main character Te Wheke returns to his village relevant today. The main character Te Wheke returns to his village to find it has been destroyed, and its inhabitants murdered, by the to find it has been destroyed, and its inhabitants murdered, by the same army that Te Wheke has been fighting in. same army that Te Wheke has been fighting in.

He gets his utu by attacking pakehas but his actions also give other He gets his utu by attacking pakehas but his actions also give other characters a reason for utu. Other characters try to get their characters a reason for utu. Other characters try to get their revenge on him, like Williamson whose wife was murdered by Te revenge on him, like Williamson whose wife was murdered by Te Wheke and Captain James Scott, whose lover, Kura, is killed by Te Wheke and Captain James Scott, whose lover, Kura, is killed by Te Wheke. Te Wheke is eventually captured and tried and sentenced Wheke. Te Wheke is eventually captured and tried and sentenced to death. Wiremu an army scout who turns out to be Te Wheke's to death. Wiremu an army scout who turns out to be Te Wheke's brother ends up shooting him.brother ends up shooting him.

One important message in the film is that no one wins. Williamson One important message in the film is that no one wins. Williamson goes mad because of utu and many people including Te Wheke goes mad because of utu and many people including Te Wheke end up dead because of it. A great theme and breathtaking action end up dead because of it. A great theme and breathtaking action scenes make Utu a great film to watch. scenes make Utu a great film to watch.

Shared WritingShared Writing

Describe an important idea and say Describe an important idea and say why it was interestingwhy it was interesting

Homework: Prepare one page of Homework: Prepare one page of notes and useful quotations for the notes and useful quotations for the three short stories.three short stories.

Exploring the Conventions of Short StoriesExploring the Conventions of Short Stories

Spelling

Recap – What are the titles of all the short dark tales we’ve read?

Conventions of short stories

1. About how main characters have each of our short stories had in them?

2. About how many minor characters have they each had?3. About how many places have they each been set in?4. Over what sort of timeframe are they usually set?5. About how many themes (important ideas) have each of our

short stories explored?

Consolidation – Use the answers to the above questions to create either a mind-map or a list or a recipe of typical features of short stores

My Short Dark Tale

Initial Planning – sorting a plot.

You have a choice: You can either

•use some or all of the plan below for your own Short Dark Tale

•OR make up your own (As long as it has the features of a typical short story)

Very reluctantly goes to investigate – noise is coming from bedroom –

Opens door to bedroom – very loud noise coming from wardrobe – strange smell too

Teenager alone in house parents are out – thinks he might have heard a noise

Ignores it – it’s probably nothing – Noise heard again, louder

Walks over to cupboard – opens it AND…

Peer Assessment – does your story fit into the typical features of short stories?

Goal: To structure a story effectively to build tension

Short Dark Tales: My SettingShort Dark Tales: My Setting Goal: To use language features to Goal: To use language features to

create strong imagery and appeal to create strong imagery and appeal to the sensesthe sensesStarter: One person face

the screen (A), one the back of the class (B).

A’s job is to describe the setting on the screen in as much detail as possible – help your B imagine it as clearly as possible.

Feedback – who did a good job? How did they do it?

Setting QuestionsSetting Questions

Key word Pathetic FallacyKey word Pathetic Fallacy

When the weather and atmosphere reflects the mood of the characters in a When the weather and atmosphere reflects the mood of the characters in a story. i.e if the character was bored the weather would be… If it was story. i.e if the character was bored the weather would be… If it was warm and sunny, the character would be …warm and sunny, the character would be …

Key challenge – avoid the clichesKey challenge – avoid the cliches

What time of day will your story be set at? Why??What time of day will your story be set at? Why?? What sort of weather will there be? Why? Will it say constant or What sort of weather will there be? Why? Will it say constant or

change? Why?change? Why? Describe in as much detail as possible , the setting your story will take Describe in as much detail as possible , the setting your story will take

place in. Try to do it so somebody could read your description and place in. Try to do it so somebody could read your description and create an accurate picture of it.create an accurate picture of it.

Eg. A tattered brown chair, with stuffing coming out of the arm and springs Eg. A tattered brown chair, with stuffing coming out of the arm and springs poking through the rear of the back.poking through the rear of the back.

Model BeginningModel Beginning

The winter sun was slowly fading as a dull The winter sun was slowly fading as a dull rainbow of colours filtered through the haze. rainbow of colours filtered through the haze. The dying rays casts long, slender shadows The dying rays casts long, slender shadows across the floor of the living room.across the floor of the living room.

Dull rumbling was emanating from the Dull rumbling was emanating from the screen, as the fast paced images of the screen, as the fast paced images of the game flashed and switched. Attached, as if game flashed and switched. Attached, as if by an umbilical cord to the screen, the by an umbilical cord to the screen, the figure twitched and flinched on the figure twitched and flinched on the overstuffed, aging sofa.overstuffed, aging sofa.

What makes this description of the setting effective?

Model BeginningModel Beginning

The winter sun was The winter sun was slowlyslowly fading as fading as a dull rainbow of a dull rainbow of colourscolours filtered through the filtered through the haze. The dying rays casts haze. The dying rays casts long, slenderlong, slender shadows across shadows across the floor of the living room.the floor of the living room.

Dull Dull rumblingrumbling was was emanating from the screen, as emanating from the screen, as the fast paced images of the the fast paced images of the game game flashed and switchedflashed and switched. . Attached, Attached, as if by an umbilical as if by an umbilical cord to the screencord to the screen, the figure , the figure twitched and flinched on the twitched and flinched on the overstuffed, agingoverstuffed, aging sofa. sofa.

What makes this description of the setting effective?

Adverb to add detail

Adjectives to add description

Metaphor for originality and imagery

Onomatopoeia to appeal to our sense of sound

Pair of verbs to capture the action

Metaphor to emphasize how ‘into’ the game the character is

Adjectives to add description

Your TurnYour Turn

Begin your short story with a paragraph or Begin your short story with a paragraph or two to describe the settingtwo to describe the setting

Use a range of descriptive writing Use a range of descriptive writing techniques to create a really clear techniques to create a really clear impression of the place and it’s impression of the place and it’s atmosphereatmosphere

Optional starter: There was a slightly odd Optional starter: There was a slightly odd quality to the sunset …quality to the sunset …

Character: Show don’t tellCharacter: Show don’t tell

Goal: To describe characters effectivelyGoal: To describe characters effectively

Spelling StarterSpelling Starter

Character planningCharacter planning

Hand exploringHand exploring

Shared writing – focussing on details, show don’t tellShared writing – focussing on details, show don’t tell

Your turn – introduce your main character / charactersYour turn – introduce your main character / characters

Editing for accuracyEditing for accuracy

G/W: Share, compare, choose favourite and then jigsaw.G/W: Share, compare, choose favourite and then jigsaw.

Shared Show Don’t TellShared Show Don’t TellCharacter – not too bright, doesn’t know when to Character – not too bright, doesn’t know when to

keep his mouth shut, has a skin head hair cut, is a bit keep his mouth shut, has a skin head hair cut, is a bit paranoid.paranoid.

Stefan’s eyebrows wore an angry expression. His Stefan’s eyebrows wore an angry expression. His arms were folded tightly and his mouth held the arms were folded tightly and his mouth held the suggestion of a snarl.suggestion of a snarl.

He just couldn’t stand his parents. They were He just couldn’t stand his parents. They were hypocrites. Everything seemed unfair. What was wrong hypocrites. Everything seemed unfair. What was wrong with a skin head cut anyway? He squeezed his stress with a skin head cut anyway? He squeezed his stress ball long and hard, slowly feeling the tension abating.ball long and hard, slowly feeling the tension abating.

Maybe he shouldn’t have yelled at his mum. He Maybe he shouldn’t have yelled at his mum. He definitely shouldn’t have called her a stupid cow. His definitely shouldn’t have called her a stupid cow. His mouth had run away from him. Again.mouth had run away from him. Again.

Name Age ETCName Age ETC AppearanceAppearance

PersonalityPersonality Flaws and short comingsFlaws and short comings

Strange habits Strange habits Skills and strengthsSkills and strengths

LikesLikes Dislikes and fearsDislikes and fears

If you want to do this as a list or a mind-map, feel free!

Starter – what can you tell Starter – what can you tell about the following people by about the following people by

their hands??their hands??

Story DraftingStory Drafting Goal: To use techniques of effective Goal: To use techniques of effective

description to create a strong sense of description to create a strong sense of character and settingcharacter and setting

Reading: ‘Across The Barricades’Reading: ‘Across The Barricades’

Recap – how can we use language to Recap – how can we use language to describe effectively?describe effectively?

Modelled writing – Building imagesModelled writing – Building images

Your turnYour turn

Introducing CharacterIntroducing CharacterThe winter sun was slowly fading as a dull rainbow of The winter sun was slowly fading as a dull rainbow of

colours filtered through the haze. The dying rays casts long, colours filtered through the haze. The dying rays casts long, slender shadows across the floor of the living room.slender shadows across the floor of the living room.

Dull rumbling was emanating from the screen, as the fast Dull rumbling was emanating from the screen, as the fast paced images of the game flashed and switched. Attached, as paced images of the game flashed and switched. Attached, as if by an umbilical cord to the screen, the figure twitched and if by an umbilical cord to the screen, the figure twitched and flinched on the overstuffed, aging sofa.flinched on the overstuffed, aging sofa.

His skinny, pale fingers twitched rapidly, his thumbs His skinny, pale fingers twitched rapidly, his thumbs moving from button to button of the console. The nails on his moving from button to button of the console. The nails on his fingers were worn, bitten right back by nervous teeth. fingers were worn, bitten right back by nervous teeth.

Suddenly, ‘Game over’ flashed across the screen, and the Suddenly, ‘Game over’ flashed across the screen, and the controller was flung to the floor, landing with a crack.controller was flung to the floor, landing with a crack.

Phil stood up, stretched and yawned. As he reached to Phil stood up, stretched and yawned. As he reached to turn off the TV, he heard it for the first time. At least, he turn off the TV, he heard it for the first time. At least, he thought he heard it. Just beyond the positive reach of his thought he heard it. Just beyond the positive reach of his hearing, he could swear he heard a dull thud. He stood stock hearing, he could swear he heard a dull thud. He stood stock still and listened hard. He waited … Nothing. Telling himself still and listened hard. He waited … Nothing. Telling himself not to get paranoid, he sat down again and shovelled a not to get paranoid, he sat down again and shovelled a massive handful of crisps into his mouth.massive handful of crisps into his mouth.

My short dark tale – creating tensionMy short dark tale – creating tension

Goal: To use my knowledge of how writers create tension to achieve Goal: To use my knowledge of how writers create tension to achieve this effect in my own writingthis effect in my own writing

Revision – look back in your book to the work we did on ‘The Last Revision – look back in your book to the work we did on ‘The Last Spin’ What can a writer do to create tension?Spin’ What can a writer do to create tension?

Short sentencesShort sentences Ellipsis (…)Ellipsis (…) ForeshadowingForeshadowing

Threats and perilThreats and peril Sudden shocksSudden shocks Being Being mysteriousmysterious

Pauses and hesitationsPauses and hesitations OnomatopoeiaOnomatopoeia Building Building atmosphereatmosphere

Shared writing – building tension in the class story

Drafting time

Sharing work – read two extracts and have your neighbour identify the technique you’ve used to create tension.

Building TensionBuilding Tension

Phil stood up, stretched and yawned. As he Phil stood up, stretched and yawned. As he reached to turn off the TV, he heard it for reached to turn off the TV, he heard it for the first time. At least, he thought he heard the first time. At least, he thought he heard it. Just beyond the positive reach of his it. Just beyond the positive reach of his hearing, he could swear he heard a dull hearing, he could swear he heard a dull thud. He stood stock still and listened hard. thud. He stood stock still and listened hard. He waited … Nothing. Telling himself not He waited … Nothing. Telling himself not to get paranoid, he sat down again and to get paranoid, he sat down again and shovelled a massive handful of crisps into shovelled a massive handful of crisps into his mouth.his mouth.

Putting detail into sentencesPutting detail into sentences

Goal: To use the 5Ws and 1H in order to add detail and interest to Goal: To use the 5Ws and 1H in order to add detail and interest to your sentencesyour sentences

ReadingReading

How to use the 5Ws and 1 H add interest to sentencesHow to use the 5Ws and 1 H add interest to sentences

The shy girl hid. (Who and what)The shy girl hid. (Who and what)The shy girl hid behind her hair (+ where)The shy girl hid behind her hair (+ where)The shy girl hid quietly behind her hair (+ How)The shy girl hid quietly behind her hair (+ How)At the beginning of the lesson, the shy girl hid quietly behind her At the beginning of the lesson, the shy girl hid quietly behind her

hair. (+When)hair. (+When)At the beginning of the lesson, the shy girl hid quietly behind her hair At the beginning of the lesson, the shy girl hid quietly behind her hair

to conceal the telltale marks of crying. (+why)to conceal the telltale marks of crying. (+why)

Your turn – edit the following sentence to include all the ws and h: Your turn – edit the following sentence to include all the ws and h: The stumbling bumblebee landed.The stumbling bumblebee landed.

Kung fu PunctuationKung fu Punctuation• • Full stop:Full stop: throw a short, right-handed punch at the air in front of you. Make the throw a short, right-handed punch at the air in front of you. Make the

noise, Ha!noise, Ha!• • Comma:Comma: with your right arm bent so that your hand is in front of your face, make with your right arm bent so that your hand is in front of your face, make

a short twisting motion at the wrist to signify the comma shape. Make the noise, a short twisting motion at the wrist to signify the comma shape. Make the noise, Shi!Shi!

• • Semi-colon:Semi-colon:do the full-stop punch, then the comma shape directly underneath it. do the full-stop punch, then the comma shape directly underneath it. Make the noises, Ha! Shi!Make the noises, Ha! Shi!

• • Colon:Colon: follow the full-stop punch immediately with one directly beneath it. Make follow the full-stop punch immediately with one directly beneath it. Make the noises, Ha! Ha!the noises, Ha! Ha!

• • Question mark:Question mark: separate the curly bit into three cutting movements with the separate the curly bit into three cutting movements with the hand: one horizontal left to right, one curved around, and one vertical coming hand: one horizontal left to right, one curved around, and one vertical coming from the bottom of the curved one. Then at the bottom of the shape you have from the bottom of the curved one. Then at the bottom of the shape you have just drawn in the air, bung in a full-stop punch. Make the noises, Shi! Shi! Shi! Ha!just drawn in the air, bung in a full-stop punch. Make the noises, Shi! Shi! Shi! Ha!

• • Exclamation mark:Exclamation mark: a long vertical slash, from top to bottom, followed by a full a long vertical slash, from top to bottom, followed by a full stop. Make the noises, Shiiiiii! Ha!stop. Make the noises, Shiiiiii! Ha!

• • Speech marks:Speech marks: stand on one leg, extend your arms diagonally to the skies and stand on one leg, extend your arms diagonally to the skies and wiggle your index and middle fingers in an approximation of speech marks. Make wiggle your index and middle fingers in an approximation of speech marks. Make the noise, Haeeeee!the noise, Haeeeee!

• • Apostrophe:Apostrophe: with your right arm fully extended to the air, wiggle your index with your right arm fully extended to the air, wiggle your index finger. Make the noise, Blubalubaluba! (This is the best I can do to approximate finger. Make the noise, Blubalubaluba! (This is the best I can do to approximate the sound you can make with your tongue when you flap it up and down against the sound you can make with your tongue when you flap it up and down against the inside of your lips.)the inside of your lips.)

• • Ellipsis:Ellipsis: three punches along a horizontal line. Make the noises, Ha! Ha! Ha! three punches along a horizontal line. Make the noises, Ha! Ha! Ha!• • Brackets:Brackets: using your left hand first, draw a curved convex line in the air; use your using your left hand first, draw a curved convex line in the air; use your

right hand to do the opposite motion for the closing bracket. Make the noises, right hand to do the opposite motion for the closing bracket. Make the noises, Shi! Shi!Shi! Shi!

The RulesThe Rules

A proper bout of Punctuation Kung Fu requires three A proper bout of Punctuation Kung Fu requires three players: two combatants and a referee. The combatants players: two combatants and a referee. The combatants face each other. The referee says the words ''capital letter'', face each other. The referee says the words ''capital letter'', and the opponents bow to each other while repeating the and the opponents bow to each other while repeating the same phrase.same phrase.

The referee then calls out three punctuation marks and the The referee then calls out three punctuation marks and the players have to put the moves and sounds for these players have to put the moves and sounds for these together, in sequence, as quickly as they can. The winner is together, in sequence, as quickly as they can. The winner is the one who puts together all three moves and their the one who puts together all three moves and their accompanying sounds correctly in the quickest time.accompanying sounds correctly in the quickest time.

Then photocopy a piece of text and white out all Then photocopy a piece of text and white out all punctuation marks. Read through the piece together and at punctuation marks. Read through the piece together and at the appointed places in the text get your child to do the the appointed places in the text get your child to do the kung-fu punctuation move he thinks is appropriate.kung-fu punctuation move he thinks is appropriate.

Kung Fu in zero gravityKung Fu in zero gravity

He is tall and lanky with arms like an ape an ideal body for null He is tall and lanky with arms like an ape an ideal body for null gravity karate As soon as we hear the command to start he launches gravity karate As soon as we hear the command to start he launches from his side of the sphere I see his fist heading for my facefrom his side of the sphere I see his fist heading for my face

He is squinting body tense gathering all his energy into the He is squinting body tense gathering all his energy into the movement I exhale sharply the action moving my head backward I movement I exhale sharply the action moving my head backward I don't block as much as push one hand diverting his strike the other don't block as much as push one hand diverting his strike the other pressing his shoulder The technique sends him gliding back across pressing his shoulder The technique sends him gliding back across the combat area and presses me more firmly against the plexiglas the combat area and presses me more firmly against the plexiglas under my feet I sink into a squat and leapfrog toward him How will under my feet I sink into a squat and leapfrog toward him How will he respond he respond

We meet at the center His arms are everywhere In seconds we are We meet at the center His arms are everywhere In seconds we are in a hopeless tangle I place one good strike to the ribs but the judges in a hopeless tangle I place one good strike to the ribs but the judges miss it Without fully intending it we push away from each other once miss it Without fully intending it we push away from each other once again I get two hands on the velcro and stop my motion again I get two hands on the velcro and stop my motion

He is about one hundred twenty degrees to my left with both feet He is about one hundred twenty degrees to my left with both feet on the velcro ready to leap again I see a gleam of triumph in his on the velcro ready to leap again I see a gleam of triumph in his eyes as he realizes I will have to flip over in order to get my feet eyes as he realizes I will have to flip over in order to get my feet underneath me He takes off.underneath me He takes off.

Kung Fu in zero gravityKung Fu in zero gravityHe is tall and lanky, with arms like an ape: an ideal body for He is tall and lanky, with arms like an ape: an ideal body for

null gravity karate. As soon as we hear the command to start null gravity karate. As soon as we hear the command to start he launches from his side of the sphere. I see his fist heading he launches from his side of the sphere. I see his fist heading for my face. for my face.

He is squinting, body tense, gathering all his energy into the He is squinting, body tense, gathering all his energy into the movement. I exhale sharply, the action moving my head movement. I exhale sharply, the action moving my head backward. I don't block as much as push, one hand diverting backward. I don't block as much as push, one hand diverting his strike, the other pressing his shoulder. The technique his strike, the other pressing his shoulder. The technique sends him gliding back across the combat area, and presses sends him gliding back across the combat area, and presses me more firmly against the plexiglas under my feet. I sink into me more firmly against the plexiglas under my feet. I sink into a squat and leapfrog toward him. How will he respond?a squat and leapfrog toward him. How will he respond?

We meet at the center. His arms are everywhere. In seconds We meet at the center. His arms are everywhere. In seconds we are in a hopeless tangle. I place one good strike to the ribs, we are in a hopeless tangle. I place one good strike to the ribs, but the judges miss it. Without fully intending it, we push but the judges miss it. Without fully intending it, we push away from each other once again. I get two hands on the away from each other once again. I get two hands on the velcro and stop my motion. velcro and stop my motion.

He is about one hundred twenty degrees to my left, with He is about one hundred twenty degrees to my left, with both feet on the velcro, ready to leap again. I see a gleam of both feet on the velcro, ready to leap again. I see a gleam of triumph in his eyes as he realizes I will have to flip over in triumph in his eyes as he realizes I will have to flip over in order to get my feet "underneath" me. He takes off… order to get my feet "underneath" me. He takes off…

Story drafting ContinuedStory drafting Continued

Continue drafting your story Continue drafting your story

Use the idea of the 5Ws & H to Use the idea of the 5Ws & H to include lots of detailinclude lots of detail

Peer assessment - feedback some Peer assessment - feedback some sentences which include most or all sentences which include most or all of the ws and hof the ws and h

Story Drafting: Varying Story Drafting: Varying VerbsVerbs

Goal: to make deliberate choices of verb to create variety and precision.Goal: to make deliberate choices of verb to create variety and precision.

Visual starter (Next slide)Visual starter (Next slide)

Volunteer to act out some verbs Volunteer to act out some verbs

WalkWalk SaidSaid laughedlaughed CriedCried

Not particularly exciting examples! What synonyms can you find for these Not particularly exciting examples! What synonyms can you find for these verbs which would be more interesting to use in a piece of writing?verbs which would be more interesting to use in a piece of writing?

Volunteers to act out new verbs.Volunteers to act out new verbs.

Drafting time – thinking carefully about verb choice.Drafting time – thinking carefully about verb choice.

Peer assessment: pick a paragraph from today’s work and neatly Peer assessment: pick a paragraph from today’s work and neatly underline or highlight all the verbs. Then give a mark out of ten for the underline or highlight all the verbs. Then give a mark out of ten for the variety and interest of the verbs in the paragraph.variety and interest of the verbs in the paragraph.

Mini Kung Fu PunctuationMini Kung Fu Punctuation

The cylinder stopped. Danny put the gun to his The cylinder stopped. Danny put the gun to his head quickly.head quickly.

"Here's to Sunday," he said. He grinned at Tigo, "Here's to Sunday," he said. He grinned at Tigo, and Tigo grinned back, and then Danny fired.and Tigo grinned back, and then Danny fired.

The explosion rocked the small basement room, The explosion rocked the small basement room, ripping away half of Danny's head, shattering ripping away half of Danny's head, shattering his face. A small cry escaped Tigo's throat, and his face. A small cry escaped Tigo's throat, and a look of incredulous shock knifed his eyes. a look of incredulous shock knifed his eyes. Then he put his head on the table and began Then he put his head on the table and began weeping.weeping.

Mini Kung Fu PunctuationMini Kung Fu Punctuation

The cylinder stopped Danny put the gun to his The cylinder stopped Danny put the gun to his head quicklyhead quickly

Here's to Sunday he said He grinned at Tigo and Here's to Sunday he said He grinned at Tigo and Tigo grinned back and then Danny firedTigo grinned back and then Danny fired

The explosion rocked the small basement room The explosion rocked the small basement room ripping away half of Danny's head shattering ripping away half of Danny's head shattering his face A small cry escaped Tigo's throat and his face A small cry escaped Tigo's throat and a look of incredulous shock knifed his eyes a look of incredulous shock knifed his eyes Then he put his head on the table and began Then he put his head on the table and began weepingweeping

Thinking about verbsThinking about verbs

What verb would you choose to describe the action of this child?

Excellent CommasExcellent Commas

Goal: To revise correct use of commas, to aid my readerGoal: To revise correct use of commas, to aid my reader

Commas are used for pauses in sentences. They help the reader Commas are used for pauses in sentences. They help the reader pause to take a breath.pause to take a breath.

Mini-Kung fu: Only the commas in the following extract.Mini-Kung fu: Only the commas in the following extract.

Proof read your story so far. Have you used commas correctly? Proof read your story so far. Have you used commas correctly? Have you sometimes confused them with full stops? Have you sometimes confused them with full stops?

Drafting time – continue with your story, remembering to use Drafting time – continue with your story, remembering to use commas for pauses.commas for pauses.

Peer assessment. Highlight every comma you’ve used today. Have Peer assessment. Highlight every comma you’ve used today. Have your neighbour check it – is it used correctly?your neighbour check it – is it used correctly?

Paulo Saverini’s widow lived alone with her son in a tiny cottage on the ramparts of Bonifacio. The town built on a mountain spur in some places actually overhanging the sea faces the low lying coast of Sardinia across the straight with its bristling reefs. At its foot on either side it is almost entirely enclosed by a gash in the cliff like a gigantic passage which serves as its harbour. The little Italian or Sardinian fishing boats and once a fortnight the old puffing steamer which runs to and from Ajaccio come up as far as the first houses after threading their way through the two precipitous walls of rock.

On the white mountain side the collection of houses makes a whiter patch. They look like the nests of birds of prey clinging to the rock looking down on the dangerous channel into which few ships venture. The wind harasses the sea remorselessly sweeping the barren coast sparsely covered in coarse grass; it roars down the strait, stripping the land bare on both sides. Patches of whitish foam round the black tips of the countless reefs which pierce the waves in every direction look like torn sheets floating and drifting on the surface of the water.

Paulo Saverini’s widow lived alone with her son in a tiny cottage on the ramparts of Bonifacio. The town, built on a mountain spur, in some places actually overhanging the sea, faces the low lying coast of Sardinia across the straight with its bristling reefs. At its foot on either side it is almost entirely enclosed by a gash in the cliff like a gigantic passage, which serves as its harbour. The little Italian or Sardinian fishing boats, and once a fortnight the old puffing steamer, which runs to and from Ajaccio, come up as far as the first houses after threading their way through the two precipitous walls of rock.

On the white mountain side the collection of houses makes a whiter patch. They look like the nests of birds of prey clinging to the rock looking down on the dangerous channel, into which few ships venture. The wind harasses the sea remorselessly, sweeping the barren coast sparsely covered in coarse grass; it roars down the strait, stripping the land bare on both sides. Patches of whitish foam round the black tips of the countless reefs, which pierce the waves in every direction, look like torn sheets floating and drifting on the surface of the water.

Punctuating SpeechPunctuating SpeechI never seen you neither Danny said. Tigo stared at him for I never seen you neither Danny said. Tigo stared at him for

a long time. That's cause you're new around here. Where you a long time. That's cause you're new around here. Where you from originall My people come down from the Bronx. You got a from originall My people come down from the Bronx. You got a big family A sister and two brothers, that's all. Yeah, I only got big family A sister and two brothers, that's all. Yeah, I only got a sister. Tigo shrugged. Well. He sighed. So. He sighed again. a sister. Tigo shrugged. Well. He sighed. So. He sighed again. Let's make it, huh? I'm waitin', Danny said.Let's make it, huh? I'm waitin', Danny said.

"I never seen you neither," Danny said."I never seen you neither," Danny said.Tigo stared at him for a long time. "That's cause you're new Tigo stared at him for a long time. "That's cause you're new

around here. Where you from originally?"around here. Where you from originally?""My people come down from the Bronx.""My people come down from the Bronx.""You got a big family?""You got a big family?""A sister and two brothers, that's all.""A sister and two brothers, that's all.""Yeah, I only got a sister." Tigo shrugged. "Well." He sighed. "Yeah, I only got a sister." Tigo shrugged. "Well." He sighed.

"So." He sighed again. "Let's make it, huh?""So." He sighed again. "Let's make it, huh?""I'm waitin'," Danny said."I'm waitin'," Danny said.

Editing For PublicationEditing For Publication Goal: To read carefully and analytically, to check Goal: To read carefully and analytically, to check

for sense and detailfor sense and detail

Reading and homework checkReading and homework check

Getting thinking: Why redraft – see next slide.Getting thinking: Why redraft – see next slide.

Editing for accuracy: read your story aloud to Editing for accuracy: read your story aloud to yourself. Put a tick next to ever sentence that yourself. Put a tick next to ever sentence that you think makes sense. Circle any words you you think makes sense. Circle any words you want to check the spelling of. Put a squiggly line want to check the spelling of. Put a squiggly line at the end of any sentences that don’t make at the end of any sentences that don’t make sense.sense.

Why Re-draft?Why Re-draft?

A first draft by Wilfred A first draft by Wilfred OwenOwen

Why do you think he Why do you think he edited and redrafted?edited and redrafted?

Editing for improvementEditing for improvement

Re-read your story.Re-read your story.

Find 5 – 10 places where you can make an Find 5 – 10 places where you can make an improvement by:improvement by:

Adding more detail to sentences using some or all Adding more detail to sentences using some or all of the 5ws and 1hof the 5ws and 1h

Change your vocabulary so it is more Change your vocabulary so it is more sophisticated and variedsophisticated and varied

Add new sentences to provide more detail and Add new sentences to provide more detail and interestinterest

Include language features such as simile to Include language features such as simile to describe, or dialogue for variety and realism.describe, or dialogue for variety and realism.

PlenaryPlenary

Now your ready for publication.Now your ready for publication.

This will be easy, if you’ve edited carefully.This will be easy, if you’ve edited carefully.

In reverse alphabetical order, read you’re a In reverse alphabetical order, read you’re a paragraph from your story to the rest of the group. paragraph from your story to the rest of the group.

How easy was it to read your work – did you need to How easy was it to read your work – did you need to stop and reformulate what you were trying to say – stop and reformulate what you were trying to say – or was what you had on the page fluent and or was what you had on the page fluent and accurate?accurate?

Preparation for PublicationPreparation for Publication

Goal: To make considered Goal: To make considered choices of presentational choices of presentational devices to compliment the devices to compliment the ideas in a text ideas in a text

Introduction of task and ground Introduction of task and ground rulesrules

Story preparation and Story preparation and decorationdecoration

Story publicationStory publication

Class winnersClass winners