Vague verbiage

Vague verbiageWriting More Good Module 3Tracey Krska

AgendaLearning ObjectivesLean vs. Redundant WritingActive/Passive VoiceSummary & ConclusionLearning objectivesRecognize redundant wordingEliminate needless words from writingApply uses of active and passive voice

What is going on?Basically and fundamentally, the cacophony of sound coming out of the birds circulated around and completely engulfed the enclosed fenced-in yard. The boys conferred together for a brief moment to classify into groups what steps of action they would take. Since it was only 8:00 a.m. in the morning, the young boys determined that it was absolutely essential to ask the question of the anonymous stranger that had been lurking the empty space of the parking lot. Each and every step toward him brought them closer to their future plans. Even though they were fellow classmates, the boys didnt consider it troublesome that they were few in number and their final conclusion was that if that anonymous stranger returned from whence he came, the neighborhood would gather together in celebration.TOO Much Redundancy to make any sense!Volunteers needed!brave, intelligent, creative, artistic, quick-thinking, competitive

Lean vs RedundantA good writer makes every word count.A weak writer lacks economy of expression.

Simple RedundanciesWork to eliminate clutter in writing.

Blue in colorThe reason is becauseJoined togetherPersonal opinionWhats redundant here?Oval in shapeMost uniqueSeveral in numberFinal outcomePast historyCircumlocution

Cir ... lo what?CircumlocutionA big word but it means

Circum = aroundLocute = to say

Using these types of phrasing makes it hard for your reader to focus on YOUR point.Examples of CircumlocutionIn the modern world of todayIn a manner of speakingWith regard to the fact thatIt is possible that there might beIn view of the foregoing discussion among the assembled group

Give it a tryGive it a try!During the time period of the early 1970s, the progress of economic development ran into various new obstacles that blocked the path and the pace of [to] progress.

Productivity started going down into a decline[d], which seemed to suggest[ed] to some observers who looked at the problem that something or other was wrong with the way we were using [uses of] technology, people and labor, and the organization of work.

Give it a try!Other[s] observers blamed the decline in productivity, at least in part, on the infusion of new female and young workers who came into the workplace with less experience and less education than previous workers.

[Other b]ottlenecks arose in other areas as well that blocked continued increases in productivity.

The Lean versionDuring of the early 1970s, economic development ran into new obstacles to progress. Productivity declined which suggested to some observers that something was wrong with uses of technology, labor, and the organization of work.

Others blamed the decline in productivity, at least in part, on the infusion of new female and young workers with less experience and education. Other bottlenecks blocked continued increases in productivity.

A word of cautionBrevity is good but too briefcan cause problems.

Would you mind moving over slightly so that John might join us at the table?vs.Move over so John can sit at the table.16Active & Passive VoiceWhat is Active or passive voice?The dog bit the boy.

The boy was bitten by the dog.Active VoicePassive VoiceWhat is Active or passive voice?The agent called the client.

The client was called by the agent.Active VoicePassive VoiceChange passive to active voiceBecause of storms, insurance premiums have been increased by the carriers.

Carriers increased insurance premiums because of storms.Benefits of Active voiceLess wordyEasier for reader to understand Illustrates clearly who is doing what

Benefits of Passive voiceAdds variance to sentences when used less than 50% of the timeDelivering less than good newsPremium raisedPolicy non-renewed

Your automobile policy has been non-renewed by the insurance company. To help, we quoted your program with another carrier.summaryYour writing will be stronger and hold more impact if you:

Avoid redundant wordsResist pasting high-sounding but empty phrases into sentencesUse more active than passive sentences

conclusion