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it's Spring time and we believe love is in the air. New relationships are blossoming everywhere and we want to help you put your best foot forward with our annual Love Issue. Be sure to read our 10 ways to get your roses from a good man. We brought together the smartest and empowering dating tips that will help you get what you want. Pg 12. I talk to my new favorite couple about their love life and how they balance their relationships and their careers. Very fascinating story. Pg 15. And we end this issue with some Spring fashions from some of my favorite new designers. And I get personal on Pg. 25, I share the hard and painful lessons from my dating experiences; it is truly what I've come to know about love. It is Spring time, new things are growing and bright things are happening. Jump into it and you'll be surprised at the refreshing stuff you will find. Happy Spring!
Citation preview
10 Ways To Get Your Roses
From A Good Man
CELEBRATE
GAY LOVE
SPRING FASHION
A Porn Star + An Erotic Dancer -
(Sex ) = Love
DIAMOND Talks About Hair,
Love & Music
What I've Come To Know
About Dating Pg. 25
Volume 3 Issue 2
March/April 2013
DBQMAG.COM
Twitter Us
@DBQMAG
Photo by Maurice Wiggins
Ballroom ROCKSTARS
SINIA EBONY & CEASAR PRODIGY
My New Favorite Couple
MAILED TO YOUR
DOOR!
SUBSCRIBE
TODAY AT
DBQMAG.COM
HOME DELIVERY 6
Autographed Issues A Year For
$20
Plus Our Newest
Issue
FREE!
t's Spring time and we believe love is in the
air. New relationships are blossoming everywhere and we
want to help you put your best foot forward with our annual
Love Issue.
Be sure to read our 10 ways to get your roses from a good
man. We brought together the smartest and empowering
dating tips that will help you get what you want. Pg 12.
I talk to my new favorite couple about their love life and how
they balance their relationships and their careers. Very
fascinating story. Pg 15.
And we end this issue with some Spring fashions from some
of my favorite new designers. And I get personal on Pg. 25, I
share the hard and painful lessons from my dating
experiences; it is truly what I've come to know about love.
It is Spring time, new things are growing and bright things
are happening. Jump into it and you'll be surprised at the
refreshing stuff you will find. Happy Spring!
CONTRIBUTORS
Matthew Is an actor, singer,
blogger, activist living in New
York. For the past three years
he has been a part of the hit
web series ADTV. You can
watch The Matthew Barrett
Show on YouTube.
DaShawn Usher is a
native New Yorker. He
focuses most of his time
and talents in Public
Relations, health and the
nonprofit sector. His
passion is creative
writing. He is managing
editor at DBQ.
Here We Go!
I
Editor-In-Chief /
Publisher
David A. Bridgeforth
Jr.
Senior Editor/
Executive
Administrator
Jacqui Tanner
Contributing Editor
Stanley Bennett Clay
Consulting Cover
Editor
Reggie Wells
Managing Editor/
Copy Editor
Dashawn Usher
Entertainment Editor
Matthew Barrett
Ballroom Editor
Pony Zion
Makeup
Reggie Wells
Photography/
Retouch
Felix Mercedes
Editorial Assistant
Kiara Peterson
Clothing Stylist
Dorian Richburg
DBQ Magazine is a nationally distributed bimonthly lifestyle publication. Published and
printed in Indianapolis, Indiana. For more information on advertisement, circulation, or articles please visit us at www.DBQMAG.com
Or call 317.500.4327 or 908.656.6218.
Kiara Peterson, editorial
assistant for DBQ, majoring
in Journalism at IUPUI in
Indianapolis, Indiana. She
has a passion for writing.
Quentin Marcellis studies
mass communications in
Washington, DC. He is a
writer and an LGBT
activist as well as an
aspiring model and
fashion journalist. He is a
contributing writer at DBQ.
DBQ
5. The World According to Matthew
6. FRONT ROLL/ Diamond
8. 10 Ways To Get Your Roses
From A Good Man
10. BALLROOM/ SINIA EBONY &
CEASAR PRODIGY
VOGUEcabulary by
PONY ZION
12. A Porn Star + An Exotic Dancer
- (Sex) = Love [My New Favorite
Couple]
15. BOOKS/ 5 Must Reads
16. SPRING FASHION
23. The Love List /
FIVE THINGS WE EMPHATICALLY
ENDORSE
25. What I've Come To Know /
Dating & Love
2013March/April
David Bridgeforth Quarterly
EVERYWHERE ABOVE THE RAINBOW
FOLLOW US ON TWITTER
@DBQMAG / DBQMAG.COM
P.6
P.16P. 25
Page 4DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
[ Behind the Scene ]
Make Your Next Date A Picnic
NYC JAN/FEB RELEASE PARTY AT Culture Club
1. Designer Bronson Johnson and
Dave on the red carpet at the
Fashion Week Kickoff Party at CLUB
XL in NYC. 2. Dave and celebrity
Hairstylist, Derek J. 3. Dave with
friends Ty Hunter and Pony Zion.
1 2
3
Follow Dave's Life on INSTAGRAM
@BRIDGEFORTH
Page 5 DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013 DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
THE WORLD
ACCORDING TO Mat!ew
DBQ's Entertainment Editor shares what he's crazy about this Issue.
4 New Albums I'm Crazy About...
The App I Am loving... JackThreads has become one of
my favorite apps. It's a lovely way to
get amazing deals on some great
clothes. But Be careful it becomes
addictive.
1. Alice Russell - 'To Dust'
2. RHYE 'Woman'
3. Shoshana Bean - 'O'Farrell Street'
4. Bilal - 'A Love Surreal'
Favorite New Protein Bars... Quest Protein Bars - These are the
best bars on the market when it
comes to Protein bars that are
actually healthy. With 21 grams of
protein, no sugar, gluten free, very
low-carb only 3g active carbs, low-
calorie and the highest amount of
fiber you'll find in a protein bar. Find
them at GNC or online at
questproteinbar.com Chocolate
Brownie & Chocolate Chip Cookie
Dough are my favorite.
Favorite Teeth Whitening Device... GLO Brilliant Personal
Teeth Whitening
Device.
In my opinion this is
the best at home
Teeth whitening kit
available. Making teeth
noticeably whiter in
just days and causing
no sensitivity that
other at home
whitening systems
cause. Available at
Sephora.
What I Am Reading At The Moment... Rachel
Maddow 'Drift'
Page 6DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
][ FRONT ROLL
DIAMOND
On Hair, Relationships & Music
Page 7 DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013 DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
DBQ- What sparked you to do
a hairline?
Diamond: My hair stylist and
wardrobe stylist were helping
me transition into making sure
that my hair weave was on
point, and that it was top of the
line hair style. I had been
getting so many compliments
on my hair; I decided that I
wanted to match my brand with
another company that has
good quality hair, which I could
really support. I wanted to make
sure that this was something
that I could wear. I’m excited
about it
DBQ- You do look good in it.
Diamond- Thank you. I just feel
like owned it. It was like a
perfect marriage. A lot of times
I’m wearing hair, and yeah I feel
good about the hair that I’m
wearing, but I don’t really know
much about it. I know only so
much and each time that I have
sitting down with Pink Blush
Hair, I’m learning so much more
about hair, and the quality and
were to get it from. Like the
difference between this pattern
and that pattern, just being
more hands on makes the
clients and the fans know that
Diamond Dior is good, and that
this is apart with what I have.
It’s new, fun, and fresh. We’re
going to make sure they have it,
I’m excited about it.
DBQ: How do people get ahold
of it?
Diamond: You can go to
PinkBlushhair.com or
DiamondDiorhair.com to order
it. When you get your hair done
its therapeutic, hair is art within
itself. A lot of women want to
feel good about themselves. To
me that’s really how people
perceive you. If you have nappy
hair in your head people are
going to look at you a certain
kind of way. If you have some
good quality hair in your head,
then people will come to you
and ask who did your hair. It’s a
difference between using the
hairweave in the Chinese store,
and the Pink Blush Diamond
Dior hair. It doesn't tangle and it
doesn’t shed, and it takes color.
A lot of girls and women follow
me, they know I love color, so
that was the main thing that I
wanted to make sure that my
product, or line did. The hair
can hold color or dye without
shedding and freezing. It’s
something that can last longer
than just one time with you
wearing it.
DBQ: There are so many gay
hair stylist and drag queens
who love your hair line.
Diamond: You can’t forget
about the gay community. I'm a
supporter of the community
and my apology if I seem to
over step you guys. I have had
the gay support me since
Crime Mob days, I can’t forget
about you all.
DBQ: Why did you leave Crime
Mob?
Diamond: Crime Mob actually
kicked me out of the group.
DBQ: How did you feel about
that?
Diamond: We were young, it
was a lot of people in our ears
pulling us different directions,
and we were forced into it at a
young age. At the time I was
upset, but I knew I had to move
forward. Bills have to get paid, I
have a family that depends on
me. I’m not one that will quit, I
may fall down but I will dust
myself off and I get back up. I
never quit, I'll die trying that’s
the kind of person I am.
DBQ: Now what are your
feelings about them?
Diamond: I still love them
though, it’s no bad blood.
DBQ: Are you signed to a label?
Diamond:Let’s just say I have a
situation; I’m going to make an
announcement about it.
DBQ: Why did you turn down
the offer to be in Love&HipHop
Atlanta?
Diamond: It didn’t help the
Diamond brand, if I’m on TV
acting crazy or I’m put into a
situation where I have to show
out, how is it going to help my
brand. I have a lipstick deal,
hairline deal and all these other
great things that you have yet
to hear about for 2013, how is it
going to help the Diamond
brand.
DBQ: How do you feel about Lil
Scrappy?
Diamond: Next subject, nobody
is about to get their shine in my
interview.
DBQ: How do you feel about
other females in the rap game?
Diamond: I definitely think we
need more, I see everybody is
on their grind.
DBQ: Anybody in particular that
you like right now?
Diamond: I like Azealia Banks,
and Iggy.
DBQ: Are you working on any
new music?
Diamond: Of course. I have
been working on my album
since Christmas of last year. I
have new music, new material,
and new singles. I’m more of a
Spring and Summer time artist,
as far as like the music that
people are used to hearing from
Crime Mob, so were going to
start off with that, and take
everybody on a journey to
where Diamond is now.
DBQ: Who do you want to
collaborate with?
Diamond: I would love to
collaborate with Dr. Dre and
Timberland.
DBQ: Are you still dating Soulja
Boy?
Diamond: I’m single. A
relationship is good and single
is good. It doesn’t make me,
I’m good either way. A lot of
people are scared to be single,
because they don’t know who
they are or happy with
themselves. Being single allows
me more time to respect
myself, and being in a
relationship allows me to be a
wonderful partner, and being a
wonderful partnership allow me
to help my mate and my mate
to help me.
DBQ: Don’t you think that
relationships are hard in the
spotlight?
Diamond: Yes. I just know that
anything is going to be hard.
Relationships that are hot in the
public eye are hard to; it’s about
give and take. When you’re in
the public eye you have
people’s opinions, and there
morals might not go along with
your morals, that’s more shit on
top of shit.
DBQ: What was the inspiration
behind your mix tape “The
Young Life?”
Diamond: The young life was
my street LP, it was a snippet of
what the album was going to
sound like. A lot of people
didn’t know that I could stretch
or that I was versatile. I touched
on different subjects on different
shit to let people know that I
hear, and I see them and don’t
think for one minute that it’s not
gone get addressed, but it was
just enough to pacify the fans. I
have been working so hard on
this album, and making sure
that it’s right. I had to give my
attention to the other project
that I was working on, but I
didn’t want to abandon my fans
from the music. I also drop
webisodes on my website
diamondatl.com. I try to do
those if not once a week or
every other week, to kind of let
them know what I’m doing
when I’m not tweeting.
Basically I show what I’m doing
behind the scenes, if I’m on the
road, doing radio, or interacting
with the fans. I let the fans see
different elements of me. I also
dropped a video called
“American Women” ft. Verse
Simmonds; this should be on
106&Park very soon. I really
want to continue playing those
visuals out for The Young Life,
and get ready for the album so
it can drop when it’s hot, I’m
excited.
Q&A
DBQ
Page 8DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
10 WAYS TO GET
YOUR ROSES FROM
A GOOD MAN
1. Become Equally Attached: When
you’re dating someone it is very
important that you are both on the
same page especially with your
feelings towards one another. There is
nothing worse than being attached to
someone who is not attached to you.
Your calling and texting him more
than he calls and text’s you, that’s not
cute, nor does it feel good to you. Its
ok if you already feel a sense of
attachment to someone, but it’s not
wise to show that feeling if the other
person has not shown you the same.
Back off a little, and wait until you
know for sure that you both have an
equal attachment to each other. If not
then don’t give off that vibe too much
or you might lose him or even scare
him away. Save yourself from
disappointment. Wait until you know
for sure the attachment is mutual.
After all, only equals fall in love.
2. Have High Standards and Low
Expectations: We are all guilty of
raising our expectations high for
someone who hasn’t given us a
reason for them to be so high in the
first place. You meet someone one
day, you start growing more attached,
and attracted. So much to the point
where you start expecting them to be
someone and do things they may or
may not be or do. Then when things
don’t work out you get your
heartbroken, or feelings hurt. You
have to learn to keep those
expectations low, and if you have
those expectations make sure they
gave you a reason to hold on to them
and that reason would be because
they were agreed upon. Your
standards should always be higher
than your expectations. For example
how you should be treated, what you
deserve, and what you will and will
not tolerate. Having high standards
for yourself and low expectations for
love interest will save you from
ultimately being hurt and
disappointed in the long hall. Never
apologize for having high standards, if
someone is truly interested in you,
they will rise up to meet them.
3. Be Unbothered: The perfect
transition from number two. Being
‘Unbothered’ means to not stress or
be press. If you happened to have
unfulfilled expectations, that weren't
on, don't show that they bother you,
because you shouldn't have then in
the first place. It’s not attractive to be
stressed and pressed over someone
you are just dating or getting to
know. We all love JayZ because he is
always unbothered. He is so not
pressed about anything and if he is,
we don't know it. Learn to relax and
play your cards right. Learn to dance
to the rhythm of the flow, and allow
each other individual freedom,
especially if you’re not even in a
committed relationship. If you have
texted him or called him and he is
slow to respond, or hasn’t
responded, don’t let it show that it
bothers you. Be unbothered. The
easiest way to do this is to surrender
your attention and care of the
situation and focus it else where for
the time being; like yourself.
It is only from my many failed attempts of dating different, unique men, and searching for this thing called “love” (eventually leading to heartbreak
and disappointment) that I have learned the strategy and tactics of dating. “You live, and you learn” a very true statement especially regarding
your romantic life. Just like with everything in life, everything takes practice and rhythm. You would think dating would be simple. You like me I
like you, let’s cut out all the extra and just be together. Dating has changed and continues to change so much. It’s a war. It’s a “game.” There is
this invisible rule book floating around of things to do and not do, and if you don’t know the rules, its game over for you. You most certainly are
not guaranteed to find your soul mate on the first try, at least most of us don’t. But if I know one thing for sure, it’s that people come in to your life
to teach you more about yourself. They craft and mold us into the person we are meant to be, to prepare us for the person that we are all
ultimately meant to be with. I’m reminded of a quote by the infamous ‘Frank Ocean’ in which he states “You came into my life for a reason. Either
you’re a blessing or a lesson.” It is from experiencing and dating these different individuals that I have learned the do’s and do NOT’S of dating.
As well as what the title appropriately says “How to get your roses.” So from my experiences thus far I have come up with ten beneficial and
successful ways I’ve learned to date successful, smart, and get your roses from a ‘good’ man.
Words/ David Bridgeforth & Quentin Marcellis
Page 9 DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013 DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
4. Let Things Flow: It’s very vital that
you always take your time and not
rush anything. Pay attention to the
flow that he’s going with and stick
with that flow. If he’s not ready to be
in a relationship and just wants to
get to know you better, it’s your
choice whether or not that’s what
you would like to do. And if you
choose to go that route just let
things flow, and work out on their
own. Your aim should never be
forcing things to work out, or move
faster. Time will tell you everything
you need to know, you just have to
practice patience.
5. Pay Attention To The Feedback:
Actions speak louder than words.
Pay attention to what his actions
and responses are telling you in the
beginning, which we label
feedback. Pay close attention to the
way he responds to you. We can
get so wrapped up in infatuation
with someone that we tend to
ignore important things that he is
unintentionally trying to tell you
about his personality, and the way
he responds to you.
Communication is everything when
it comes to making relationships
work. Without communication
relationships fail. Feedback is
another form of communication
through actions.
6. Never Put all your eggs in his
basket: It’s always appropriate to
have a backup plan. Never give
someone all of you , and make
them the plan A. You should always
look out for yourself at the end of
the day, and not make him the main
priority but an option. As I stated
before, play your cards right, never
lay them all out on the table. Just
focus on getting to know him and
less on investing into him. Don’t
forget to explore your options and
know your options. There are plenty
of fish in the sea. With that being
said don’t get stuck on one. Never
show that your stuck on him, that’s
playing not to lose.
7. Play To Win: You want to make sure
that you are playing to win and not
playing to not lose. What does that
mean? Well when you are playing to
not lose you are basically doing
everything you can to keep him
around and get the outcome with
him that you want. Meaning you’re
going out of your way to please him
and do things for him, so that you
somehow keep his interest in you.
Playing to lose pretty much makes
you look insecure, clingy, and
desperate. Playing to win is no
matter what the outcome is, you
remained true to yourself. You’re
playing all your cards right and
excepting the outcome, no matter
what happens. When you are
playing to win you are drawing him
more in to you, because of your
unbothered mindset. Think of
playing to win as staying in your
lane while dating someone, or
knowing your worth.
8. Remember Your Value: One of the
most important tips, know your
value. Know that you are special,
you deserve nothing but that the
best, and to be treated with
respect. Every day as humans we
are constantly showing people how
to treat us but what we allow, what
we stop, and what we reinforce.
You can’t expect someone to value
and respect you, if you don’t even
value and respect yourself. Knowing
your value also means loving
yourself unconditional and realizing
that if things don’t work out with
someone, that’s not your lose at all.
When your dating someone,
knowing your value will help to keep
your sanity, when things are not
going the way you had hoped.
9. Never Be Powerless: This mean
several things, never surrender
complete control of your self or life
for someone else. It also means
never play small in an relationship,
as in dumbing yourself down to
please someone else. Often times
when we like someone we want it
to work out so much that we are
willing to surrender our power to
them because we think that will
keep them around, retain their
attention, and validate us. When
you give your power away not only
do they get the best of you, you
lose the best of you. It's a form of
devaluing yourself, because you
then are subliminally saying your not
worthy enough to have, hold , and
own your own power.
10. Be Full Of Yourself: Now many of
you may think that this is an
unattractive trait to have but if done
correctly with little or no ego it could
save you from getting caught up in
false flattery. Being full of yourself is
being filled up completely with your
own loving and healthy views of
yourself. This is important because
how empty of you to be full of other
people, their opinions, and their
views of you. You need to know
that you are beautiful, smart, and
valuable; so that when a man says
your beautiful you don't lose
yourself or your panties. You must
know who you are so a man's
words are a simple compartment
not a fulfilling experience. Being full
of ones self is knowing that you are
whole and complete all by yourself.
And that is a healthy empowering
place to be.
WAYS TO GET YOUR ROSES FROM A GOOD MAN
10
DBQ
Page 10DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
Ballroom Culture ][
DBQ: Where did the idea of Ballroom Throwback come from?
Ceasar: The idea of ballroom throwback originally started in 2009.
YouTube was pretty hot for the ballroom scene at the time, but basically
showed new clips, so I wanted to put up a bunch of old clips just to
show the scene who paved the way.
DBQ: How does it feel?
Ceasar: I really don’t think I’m the father. I would say I’m one of the
people that are pushing out the new plat form for other people just
getting with the times, because back in the day it was only VHS tapes
and then it went to DVD. I just wanted to provide media for everyone
around the world, so people can see the talent.
DBQ: Why did you step down from being Mother Ebony, was it because
of your hot new show, 'SINIA HAS THE JUICE'?
Sinia: Well not specifically my show, but I was just ready to not have the
weight of that house on my shoulders. I was ready to just be me. It’s a
title driven time right now, and everybody wants to be legendary in
ballroom. Everybody wants to be mother of the house; so many people
are fighting for this title. I wanted to show in a leadership type of way that
a title is not really important; it’s who you are as an individual. I step
down as mother to show them. I gave the title to Shanice, because she
wanted to be mother. As far as myself, I just wanted to do that to help
my community, I love my community and I want to give back.
DBQ: What sparked this show, what was behind all of that?
Sinia: So many years’ people have told me that I really didn't know the
impact that I have on people. I would listen to it but I would be like, oh
no these people don’t care about what I have to say. Ceasar is my best
friend and once he started “Ballroom Throwback,” I really loved what he
was doing. So we decided to try and see what we could create. I trust
him and know that he is going to make sure that everything worked well,
and as far as my end he made sure that I didn’t look bad in any way.
Once we tried it, everyone loved it; it started taking a life of its own.
People really talked about our topics for weeks as well as fighting and
debating them. It’s just crazy how much this show helps people. So
many people have email me and tell me that I saved their lives. I help
them get through tuff situations; it’s overwhelming sometimes because I
never expected it to get this big.
DBQ: How important is family in the ballroom community?
Ceasar: Well we all entered each other life when we were very young.
Sinia entered my life I was only 19 going on 20 years old. She is my best
friend; it was sort of like a mother figure. As far as the scene goes she
was somebody that was in the scene way longer them me, and had a lot
of knowledge to give me, and also a lot of advice. Sometimes I didn’t
want to hear it but it was for the better for me. So when I met Pony
Meka, and Alora, who passed away in 2009 it became a family and
much more than that. We didn’t know how we would impact with each
other from back then to now. So when you say Pony was a not, to me
Pony was a young kid that needed guidance. When I look back now 13
years ago I would never think about ballroom throwback, or vogue
evolution or Sinia having the juice. A lot of the young kids get abandoned
by their real family and they turn to ballroom, and they turn to houses for
that family figure. We had a family within that family in the scene, so it
was really different because we had a lot of situations that people would
never know about. As far as arguments and fighting, memories that
could never be replaced. The family thing is really deep for me on a lot
of levels.
DBQ: Tell me about you alls friendship, and why is it special?
Sinia: I think because we are honest to each other. We tell each other
things when in fact we don’t want to hear them; I mean we have each
other back in all situations good or bad, and the indifference. Our
friendship surpassed that. My blood family loves him and adores him,
and vise versa.
Ceasar: To elaborate, its time where she gets on my nerves but it’s
always for the better for me. That’s something you can’t really get from a
lot from people. She tells me things that I don’t want to hear, but it’s for
the best of me. She always has my best interest at heart. Even though it
may come off as harsh, or I may be stubborn to it she always shows
how much she loves me, and why she is telling me these things. One
thing I can say about our friendship that this friendship to me is an
evolution. I feel like our friendship evolves throughout the years. I’ve
learned so much from her, I keep on learning from her that’s why it’s a
friendship for me that is everlasting, compared to other friendships that
lasted a short period of time.
Ballroom
ROCKSTARS SINIA EBONY
&
CEASAR PRODIGY
Page 11 DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013 DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
PONY ZION
Performance[VOGUE]CABULARY P
Words/
Photo/ Cory Malcolm
A Person can learn the five elements in 2013 and swear they know how to vogue. At least now a days this may be true, yet, one who knows why they are voguing can master the element of performance. Knowing how to vogue is what you need to get through a battle or to get your 10s, but when you know why you are voguing, at that very moment you can experience your body expressing itself in art. As I grew older, I worried less about legends I wanted to slay, trying to be legend, or other houses gathering their dramatic kids together for me to battle. Victory for me was tackling the opportunity to create my own style of vogue every time the soles of my black foam posit sneakers touched the runway. I have been walking balls for 15 years and I have never been chopped. I have 13 'Vogue Of The Year Awards', 3'Willy Ninja Awards', and a 'Ballroom Achievement Award', I believe this is because I never focussed on getting my 10s. I had nothing to prove yet I had everything to show. My aim was to bring the crowd to an uproar, to wake up the audience, to challenge my body and mind, and surprise my judges. It was never about not loosing, but always playing to win. I had the confident to be ready when I hit that first pose and I had the humility to know that I had everything to learn from so many others. I remember voguing sessions with icon, Sinia Ebony, as she demanded more from me as she read me. She told me I was missing something in my voguing so I would practiced harder and harder. She never knew how much her saying I did a great job meant to me. I remember Late night voguing battles with my sister, Meaka Prodigy, and her telling me my voguing needs to tell a story. I remember my sister, Alloura Zion, and I giving each other death defying stunts that other people wouldn't dare try. Kristina Sunami stayed at my house in Jersey for two weeks to teach me lines and the importance of technique. My aunt, kevin Prodigy, helping me understand the importance of grace, even in dramatics vogue. I can never forget the person who trained me since I was 16 years old, my father, Ceasar Prodigy, having me study ball tapes, telling me what I should not do, and how I should look on the runway. He would make me recap my own performance after I walked. My brothers, Malechi and Arturo, practicing everyday for hours critiquing one another's elements and creating ideas on how we can revamp our categories.
This work ethic is what makes a performer. I never really focussed to much on mini balls, I saved my all for the major balls. When on big stages like the 'Latex Ball' or the 'POCC Ball', I feel like Janet or Beyonce. It's only me, the stage, the lights, the crowd, and the gift of vogue that I have to share. Voguing is how I do it, that's the easy part. Performance is what I do. JUDGES YOUR SCORES!
DBQ: So what advice would you give to a junior fem queen?
Sinia: Be true to yourself; try not to be a follower. Second of all don’t
feel too big to where you can’t ask somebody even if it’s a stranger. I
feel like if it’s something you don’t know ask somebody, because why
take a risk of trying it yourself and paying for the consequences of its
going wrong, when you can put your pride to the side. I don’t mind the
younger girls reaching out to me about surgery or other things. I will
give them my best advice, because if you don’t know you should ask
somebody that would know, and tell you if you ask. Basically be true to
yourself and be willing to ask if you don’t know, because once you
mess up sometimes you can’t fix things.
DBQ: How do you feel that you have changed?
Sinia: When I was mother Ebony it was different time in my life,
because I was a very selfish individual. I was self-centered it was all
about me. I could care less about anyone else, and I feel now that I
have totally evolved. I’m still changing and growing into a bigger and
better person. I care about people and I want to help. I want to be there
for the youth and I’m willing to use myself as an instrument to better the
scene, and better the community. I’m shocked at myself some days.
DBQ: What sparked that?
Sinia: When I was younger me and my dad we never had the best
relationship, now me and him have an amazing relationship. My life is
so full right now; I have so many amazing things around me. I feel
blessed that I want to share that, I just can’t keep that to myself. It’s like
for me to keep that to me, I feel like I’m wasting it. I feel my purpose
here.
Ceasar: Most definitely I think the younger me from now that I changed
drastically on so many levels, personally levels, and emotionally levels.
I’ve gone through some experience that force me to look at myself and
change for the best, and also eliminate certain people and elements out
of my life.
DBQ: Here is the million dollar question: Why is there so much violence,
drugs, prostitution, escort, and crafting in ballroom? And Will it ever
change?
Sinia: I think that we are our worst enemy. I think that the minute that
one of us gets an opportunity somebody tries their hardest to pull us
down, or take the opportunity away from us. I don’t think we promote
each other or push each other towards positivity. I think as far as drugs,
I see these adults quick to give these babies drugs, and put them on
drugs, so they can have them. Where there is drugs come and
insecurities and shade, which provokes violence, it all goes hand and
hand. Until we all get together and try to make a difference. It’s never
going to change.
Ceasar: I think a lot of it has to do with how these children are being
introduced to the scene. A lot of these children come in here with no
families they get lashed on to these houses, and lashed on to older
individuals as role models. A lot of the leaders introduce different ways.
Young kids think this is the only way to survive in the scene. For
example a lot of transgender don’t know about how to get there named
changed. They don’t know have the proper education to get a job, so
they do prostitution or escort. I think that's why a lot of people are
exposed to certain things. I feel like a lot of the agencies are so focused
on HIV prevention and HIV awareness, they also need to expand other
things, educating the youth like job, and to learn the ropes and how to
navigate through the world.
DBQWords/David Bridgeforth Photo/ OZ LIN ( Oscar Linares)
Page 12DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
A PORNSTAR + An EROTIC DANCER -
(SEX) = LOVE My new favorite couple, adult film star Envy and popular go go dancer Suki talk about their intimate love, mind-blowing sex, and progressing careers; and how this two year love affair has them ready to jump the broom.
ENVY & SUKI
Interview/ David Bridgeforth Photos/ Swaggboiz Ent.
Page 13 DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013 DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
DBQ: How did you meet?
Suki: We met in 2011 at the
Dallas Black Pride, we pretty
much met at a bar called
Lolita’s, and he came there to
perform. It was an event put on
by his house dad, and it was
love at first sight.
DBQ:Where you performing, or
was he just performing?
Suki: Yea, we both were
performing he performed on that
Friday night, and then I was
performing on the Saturday
night. So we both got to see
how we expressed ourselves on
stage, and when I saw him
performed I was smiling my butt
off. I was sitting in the back with
porn star Remy Mars and
another friend, and we were
sitting back watching him
perform, and my house dad
who was also promoting in
Dallas who goes by the name
James Cooper. He whispered in
my ear do you like that, I said I
loved it but I never told him that.
DBQ: You never knew that
Envy?
Envy: When I met him I was
drunk, I was so drunk it was
99cent margaritas and I was
getting vamped off those things.
I didn’t want him to see how I
looked so they put a coat over
my head, and they took me out
the club, and put me in a jag
and escorted me to a friend so I
could get myself together. Then
the next day I was running
around the hotel saying have
you seen Suki, what room is he
in and that was pretty much it.
DBQ: Who approached who?
Envy: We approached each
other actually; it wasn’t one
person we met in a hallway
DBQ: How did you know he
liked you?
Envy: The whole time he was
eye balling me in the bar when
we were at Lolita’s.
DBQ: Did you know of him?
Suki- He was originally
supposed to be my mentor. A
month before pride kicked off
we had weekly meetings and
every time they would bring up
entertainment, Envy was the
very first topic and they were
trying to figure that maybe he
could take me under his wing,
and lace me up on the game
since he was well seasoned as
an entertainer all around. But
then we ran into each other in
the hallway of the hotel room
and we were crammed up the
entire weekend by choice.
DBQ: This was in 2011
Envy: There was no sex, we
talked about what we had in
common on life experiences,
and we just laid down and we
pretty much just spent the
whole weekend together, and it
wasn’t walking around we were
locked in our hotel room just
talking.
DBQ: There was no sex?
Suki/Envy: No
DBQ: Why do you think there
was no sex?
Envy: It wasn’t about anybody
else, me being 35 I’ve dated
and been in relationships, and
this time I saw something
different. Once we got together
we wanted to make sure that
this was right. Now for us we
put it to a test to see was this
relationship based off of love,
and also if we could withstand
not having sex for a while. We
set a time period of could we
last living together. So we knew
it wasn’t based off of lust, it was
really based off of love and that’s
how we did it.
Suki: Coming from my point of
view it was incredible hard. I
watched him perform for the
first time; it was like a kid in the
candy store. We had to basically
figure out if it was real or was it
just based off of lust. Before
pride, everybody had spoken so
highly of Envy as an entertainer.
We were together the entire
weekend, we were only apart for
the few hours, and that was for
him to get ready to perform that
Friday night. But Saturday night
when he came back to the hotel
room, and that was our final
night for pride and we were
about to cross that threshold, he
stopped which forced me to
stop, and then basically that
conversation got pretty much
heated but not in a bad way, but
more in an emotional way. He
was like I’m 35 years old, I don’t
have time for the bullshit, I need
to know if this is real or not, if it’s
not I can walk out this door. I
was head over heels for him at
after that. You would be
surprised how quickly you can
fall in love with someone, it only
took me three hours to sit in the
car and figure it out.
DBQ: How old where you at the
time?
Suki: I was 21.
DBQ: So was this different for
you and the other guys you
dated?
Suki: Yea, he is well seasoned
mentally. It’s like when you come
across a soul like that you have
to basically up your mentality. I
was well grounded, but then
you find somebody that will
challenge your level, you have to
take it up a notch. I just fell in
love with him. We basically had
to challenge each other.
DBQ: How long until you did
have sex?
Suki: Four months.
Envy: It was actually supposed
to be 90 days, but we added
another month on just to be
sure that everything was right.
DBQ: Once you had sex what
was the conversation then?
Envy: We just knew that it was a
done deal.
DBQ: Was it a long distance
relationship, you were in New
York and he was in Texas?
Envy: He moved to New York
that following month, the first of
November.
DBQ: He moved for you?
Suki: We made it official
September 30th, that was our
last performance together. I
moved to New York November
1st. We tested it out to see if we
could handle the distance
between that time frame, and
then a month later I came home
to New York, we made our
intimacy official, that was the
test of our wills, which, by the
way was hard as hell. When you
move somebody in with you,
you have doubts about what if I
move him here and he messes
with somebody else which
would of made him act a fool.
But for me I’m an old soul, I
don’t have time for games and I
told him it’s you that I want.
DBQ: So the sex was amazing?
Suki/Envy: Yup Yup.
DBQ: How long have you been
together?
Suki: Two years and some
change.
DBQ: Explain how the sex is?
Envy: People think we have
crazy sex and people are asking
us to do threesomes, but for us
sex is totally different. It can be
intimate; we can just hold each
other or cuddle up and pick a
movie for the night. I will cook a
dinner, because I am a very
good cook. Our intimacy level
can get real. If you over
sexualize your relationship it can
damage the relationship, Having
"If you over sexualize your relationship it can damage the relationship..."
Page 14DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
sex too much steers you to
other people because you get
bored of doing it. We try so
many different ways to spice up
the relationship, which I’m not
going to tell you other ways.
DBQ: Ha. Yes, you are. What
other ways?
Envy: We randomly look for
other couples and go on
couple’s retreats and go away
and we do a little four play and
we watch the couple get it on,
and then we will get it on.
DBQ: Does Suki get territorial?
Envy: When we do what we do
its certain rules and we won’t
break the rules. He is really
picky. For me I can say a certain
guy is cute and that I really want
to get the guy, if he says no then
it’s a no, I won’t argue with him.
He just really selective with who
he wants. Me being an adult
entertainer I have sworn secrecy
policy. Its gets to the point
where I have to have you sign
an affidavit, saying its certain
things that you can’t let out this
house. What we do here stay
here. We possibly run into
people in the club, and they
don’t speak about what we do
at my house, that’s how I like it.
That’s only way we do what we
like.
DBQ: On an average, how many
times do you have sex in a
week?
Suki: We basically get intimate
once every few months.
DBQ:You guys only have
intercourse once every few
months, why is that?
Suki: Well honestly we both are
mature and at a higher mental
level. The 20’s and the early 30’s
is where sex rules the world, but
you can’t do that with someone
who has been there and done
that. I had to step my level up
and control myself. I can take
this to the grave when it goes
down, it goes down.
DBQ: Is it planned sex or is it
spontaneous?
Envy: It’s so weird; when we get
intimate it feels like the first time.
We had a bed, we wore that
bed out to were we broke the
legs off the bed.
DBQ: Then why don’t you want
that every week?
Envy: We done it on the floor,
we done it on my fire escape
while it’s raining. We get intimate
it’s just not an everyday thing.
We do a lot of stuff; we watch
porn we will beat off to it
together. Or like I will run
around naked or shake my butt
in front of him, and tease him
and he will chase me around the
house.
Suki: It’s like building suspense,
because when it happens its
mind blowing and its very long.
DBQ: Who us doing who? Do
you guys have a versatile
relationship?
Envy: When I'm doing porn its
different, I’m getting paid to do
what I do and I do it well. People
may think they know because
were on stage, and we do what
we do, but it’s totally different in
the bed. He is more of a verse
top, but I’m versatile. When I top
him It’s really hard to complete
the job because he is not used
to bottoming. I compromise a
lot and take his 12 inches, it
takes him so long to have an
orgasm and sometimes I think
he holds back, because it feels
so good and I just be like oh my
God. He just wears me out and
after that I need a drink of water,
and a cigarette. Ha.
DBQ: A cigarette, you need a
shot. Ha
DBQ: What has this relationship
taught you about yourself?
Envy: You know what that’s a
good question, it taught me that
I’m really worth something,
because my last relationship he
was a younger boy, a lot
younger than Suki. I felt that I
wasn’t worth anything, and that
nothing mattered. I really
changed and I’m more
confident. My last relationship
the guy talked about me and
really just downed me, and
cheated on me. So now I’m
calmer. My mind is now focused
on things I need to do. Being in
the last relationship he was
alright, while I was falling apart.
So now I’m more focused, I
know what I want and I dream
big.
Suki: It taught me a lot. This
relationship lets me know that
this is not a game. The whole
aspect of a relationship is not a
game period. When you love
somebody you have to love
them, you have to love them
regardless of their faults, or what
they do. Let’s face it, take it from
us where jumping the broom
here soon. It just taught me how
to love somebody in the mist of
their faults, because I have
plenty of them on my own. If he
could love me through my faults,
then it would be a piece of cake
to love him through his.
DBQ: How do you feel about
Envy doing porn?
Suki: I don’t watch his movies.
When I first met him I didn’t
know he was a porn star. When
you love somebody regardless
of what they do, you learn to
look pass that. One thing I’m
not gone do is tell him to stop,
why would I tell somebody to
stop doing what they want to
pursue, that’s ridiculous. That’s
like him telling me to stop
dancing or not to pursue my
dreams, I’m gone look at him
like he got some shit on his
face. So I’m not going to tell him
to stop doing something that
has been a part of his life for
quite sometimes. He doesn’t
bring his work home, so I’m
good. I don’t have a problem
with it, it’s about the money.
What he does is what he does; I
just have to look pass it. He is
human just like I am.
DBQ: Envy, did you think that it
was going to be a problem in
your relationship?
Envy: I didn’t really care.
Throughout my 15 years in the
business I have had doctors,
lawyers, police officers, and FBI
agents that I used to date, and
they knew I was in it, and they
asked me to give it up. One
thing I have learned growing up
through the years, my first
boyfriend I dated beat my ass
and abused me. I lived with him
and I was dependent on him
after he kicked me out of his
house, that’s how I became a
dancer. I said there would be no
other man in this world that will
ever take away my
independence again, you either
with me or not with me. So I
became very strong after the
first beat down, I thought that
this someone was my world and
he cheated on me, and locked
me out of the house to leave me
sleeping in the stairwells. So I
learned a valuable lesson if you
can’t accept me for what I do
then you’re not really for me.
Like he said when I work it stays
at work, when I come home it's
home. I don’t tell him about the
scene and what position it was
done in; my money gets
deposited in the bank when I
get that check. It’s nothing to
worry about as long as I’m
bringing home bread, but if I go
out and shoot a movie and bring
home no money, then it’s a
problem.
DBQ: What do you want this
relationship to create?
Envy: As far as Swaggboiz
Entertainment that’s a dream for
me, but his dream is about to
come true, he got an audition
with Cirque du Soleil in Canada,
and that is his dream. He is 22
he has a lot going for his self.
When I was his age I used to
model for Phat Farm and Fubu.
We have a bright future. I’m not
a failure and neither is he.
Suki:I agree with my baby, he
has his company and I have my
dreams to be a performer with
Cirque du Soleil. The thing is
that you have to grow, and have
a partner that has your best
interest at heart. Why would you
be with somebody if you don’t
give a damn about what they
want in life, or what they want
out of life? You have to have
your man’s best interest at
heart.
DBQ
Page 15 DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013 DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
[ Books ] DIVA by Stanley Bennett Clay
Award-winning author Stanley Bennett Clay originally published DIVA in 1988. Now, 25
years later DIVA has been re-issued. The book serves as an ageless beauty of a
storyline that is still refreshingly relevant today. The story revolves around Ida Lake,
who was known as "The Diva" to her millions of fans when she reigned as Hollywood's
black singing sensation of the 1940s. After the suspicious deaths of the husband she
adored and the daughter she worshiped, Ida’s career and sanity collapse and she
retreats abroad. Two decades later, she is coaxed into a comeback as the star of a
new Broadway musical. But tragedy stalks Ida Lake once again as a mysterious web
of intrigue, sex scandal and murder envelops the show.
The B.E.D: the bold, erotic, and dangerous. by Langston John Blaze
Langston John Blaze’s The B.E.D. infuses sexual impulses throughout these 14 erotic
short stories that are filled with suspense, drama, mystery, and thrills. The book has
received positive reviews due to Langston John Blaze’s well-written stories. “A taste of
seduction is never enough for the bold, erotic, and dangerous. Enter a world where
inhibitions are limited and the hunger to fulfill a lustful craving is needed. Yet,
sometimes the cravings we feel are needed the most are the ones that cut right
through our skin and leave us hurt in the end... emotionally, mentally, and even
physically.” (amazon.com)
Can You Feel What I'm Saying?: An Erotic Anthology James Earl Hardy
The best-selling author of the B-Boy Blues series, James Earl Hardy, brings us his first
collection of short stories with Can You Feel What I'm Saying? The book contains 7
short stories and a bonus short, all of which highlight various aspects of scandalous
tales. “Whether it's the maintenance man making a much needed house call ("Booty,
By Jake"), a 40-year-old "born again" virgin falling in lust with his 20-year-old former
student ("How Stanley Got His Back In Groove"), a porn star trying to stay aroused—
and awake—while filming his final movie ("The Last Picture. Show."), or a blind man
proving that sight isn't a prerequisite for bringing another pleasure ("Can You Feel What
I'm Saying?"), Hardy serves… his trademark mix of politics and passion, that are
guaranteed to turn you on—and off.” (amazon.com)
5 Must Reads of the
Spring By DaShawn Usher
(POS)+tively Beautiful by Guy Anthony
(POS)+tively Beautiful is a book of affirmations, advice, and advocacy that also contains
photos and essays. It’s the perfect resource guide for someone newly diagnosed or
coming to terms with their HIV status; it is profoundly useful in understanding the lives of
HIV positive individuals, presenting in a clear and concise manner the next steps post-
diagnosis. Anthony’s book is written from the perspective of the young Black gay male,
the group most affected by the pandemic. (POS)+tively Beautiful breaks the stigma and
sheds light on this vital issue in our community. “This collection of inspiring narratives
gives us the up close and personal story of today’s young black gay men and HIV/AIDS.
Its balance of intimate profiles, photo portraits, practical tips, HIV basics, and affirming
anecdotes compose a custom made almanac. By speaking out with honesty and
integrity (POS)+tively Beautiful demonstrates on behalf of HIV positive black gay men
that we are here and that we do not have to dwell in shame.” (amazon.com)
I Wrote A Book About Him by Hans L Cordova
Hans L. Cordova’s I Wrote A Book About Him is a collective of learned experiences
when it comes to the realizations of love. The book is easily relatable, speaking to
things that we all may have encountered once or twice in our lives—or even more
often. “Love is sought out by everyone with different reasons as to why they search for
it at some point in their lives. Love can also mean something that's always in progress
with the many walls which somehow became part of who we are. It also comes with
confusion, passion, distress, blindness, happiness, with either the forbidden love
lasting long or lasting just a few minutes. The many roller-coaster questions we all can
relate to in so many short stories are what make this book something other than
normal. One thing about love is the ending stays the same.” (amazon.com)
Page 16DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
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Photos/ Felix Mercedes
Page 17 DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013 DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
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Page 18DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
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Page 20DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
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Page 21 DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013 DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
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Page 23 DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013 DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
5
THINGS WE EMPHATICALLY ENDORSE THIS
ISSUE
4
[THE LOVE LIST
3
5
2 Washington, DC based openly gay black Comedian Sampson has to
be the funniest black gay man alive. His new live CD, ' No Tea, No Shade', is a must have in the collection of every LGBT person. For
more info Sampsoncomedy.com
1Langston
John Blaze
] X-RATED
SPIKED
SNAPBACK
Langston John Blaze is a true entertainer of the creative
arts. He is a writer, singer, actor and dancer. You may have
seen him portraying “Trent” in the web-series “Free Fall.”
Blaze also has appeared on VH1’s “Single Ladies” and
USA’s “Necessary Roughness.” He has been an improv
actor since he was a kid with his sister. “We would come
up with scenarios and my sister would end up crying and I
would have to break character to find out if she was acting
or was serious,” said Blaze.
Last summer Blaze started writing a column called “The
Underwear Draw” for Kontrol Magazine. He wrote his first
book, The B.E.D. (Bold Erotic and Dangerous*), at the age
of 21, which is an erotic mystery thriller. “I’ve always
wanted to be a writer, but I started off with art. My mother
is an artist and she draws very well. Slowly but surely the
pictures started to slip off the pages, and the words
started to takeover and before you know it, I was creating
my own stories,” recalled Blaze. He is currently working
on his second novel, which will infuse multiple artistic
aspects into the book, like photography and music for the
book. Catch up with Blaze on Twitter: @LangstonJBlaze or
on Facebook: Langston John Blaze. Words/ DaShawn
Usher
Sampson
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Dave wearing the
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spiked snap back
at an NYC event.
James Earl Hardy's best selling classic, 'B Boy Blues' was brought to life for one night only as a stage play directed by, acting legend, Stanley Bennett Clay. The quality and well seasoned actors casted in the play gave not only a raw and shocking performance, but they brought the relevance and importance of Mr. Hardy's story back to life. I remember sitting on the front roll with Lonnell Williams and Keith Boykin and being wowed and thinking that every teenage -twenty something young adult needs to experience this amazing black gay love story. Good news is there are talks about another performance in Washington, DC. For more info DBQMAG.COM
BILLIE'S BLACK Billie's Black is my new favorite spot to eat and drink in Harlem NY (119th and 9th Ave). They have these catfish strips that are to die for and their cocktails are always well made. Stop by and experience a black gay owned place to enjoy yourself.
B BOY BLUES
Page 24DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
(Continued from Pg. 25) Eventually he ended our dating
relationship in a dismissive way saying that he was emotionally
unavailable and wanted to be 'coo' and continue our business
relationship. I tried harder for him to reconsider and to see that I
was in his life for greater reasons but those words fell on deaf ears. I
didn't want a business relationship because I knew that I was
vulnerable and would be taken advantage of and I had been led on
and dragged enough.
I did all I had power to do in order to fix whatever the issues were. If
I had messed up I was willing to fix it, but that wasn't an option. It
took my closest friends, family, and mentors to urge me to let go.
So I listened to wisdom and let go. For weeks I recited Marianne
Williamson's remedy for surrendering in relationships: __________ I
forgive you and I surrender you to the universe. I put his name in
that blank and I said that for weeks; out loud when I was alone and
to myself when I was around others. I said it over and over and
over and over until the pain of rejection, until the hurt, until the
bitterness, until the anger dissipated. Until he wasn't a damn
factor, until I didn't think about him, until the urge to check his
Instagram or Facebook had subsided. I uttered that statement until
I remembered who I was again. Until the self love tanned my skin
and warmed my blood. Until I was no longer black and blue; until I
was in full living color.
Now it takes courage for me to tell you this story, I am very private
about my personal life, but I felt that the lessons I learned were
valuable to you all out there who are dealing with similar situations.
I didn't share this story out of spite, because I could have read him,
ate him, and lit him alive in front of 10s of thousand of you readers
but I didn't because of what I've come to know.
This beautiful dude was 'turnt' which means hurt or done wrong in
gay language, by someone before me and instead of remembering
who he was and healing his heart and forgiving, he became bitter
and hurt. Hurt people, hurt other people. Instead of remaining open
and receiving all the goodness coming, they close their hearts in
pain, anger, and bitterness. They 'turn' the next person that comes
because it's hard to remain open and dare to love. In my case,
instead of being a gift to each other it became my lesson.
Here is what I've come to know: you must always love yourself first
in relationships because many times when we have feelings for
someone or want someone, we stop loving ourselves and we put
them first. We let our wants hurt us which screws us because we
can only love someone as much as we love ourselves and so the
pursuit becomes a lie... A lust thing instead of a love thing. I learned
to tell myself the truth and accept it. I was lying to myself thinking
that things were a way they weren't. Let go or be dragged was a
great lesson for me. I was so afraid to let something I wanted to
walk out of my life. I learned to surrender. I came to know that you
can't force people to treat you right, they unconsciously only treat
you as good as you unconsciously treat yourself. He was ignoring
my calls and texts because I was ignoring the voice of God in me.
The greatest lesson I learned from this experience and what I most
have come to know is to break the cycle. He was hurt, he closed his
heart because of it and hurt me. I was hurt and I could be bitter and
'turn' the next guy who tries to give me the gift of pure love or I
could choose to be better, to evolve, to grow in love. I choose to be
open in spite of who hurt me because if I am completely
responsible for my situation, I hurt me by not choosing me while we
dated. What I've come to know is that if you honor your 'purity box',
your pearl, if you protect it and love it and choose it first at all cost,
then this war of love and dating wont apply to you. There will be no
fighting or games because you will attract to your space what I
didn't, which is a person who sees your value and rises and kisses
you on the forehead and looks you in your eyes and tells you how
honored they are to have you and to love you.
What I've Come To
Know
Follow Me On Twitter @DBRIDGEFORTH
Page 25 DBQ Magazine Mar/Apr 2013 DBQMAG.COM | @DBQMAG
y mom and grandmother raised me
in Indiana to be a gentleman. To
show respect and care for people
you date, to buy flowers for the
person, to open doors, and pull out
chairs was the norm; so as an adult
those ways of being followed me. I was taught to guard my 'purity
box', which means to always have pure intention and be honest and
true. I thought these characteristics would bring me love easily. I
wasn't prepared for New York at 25 in the gay world.
He was beautiful, full lips, brown skin, a few inches taller than me
with a white smile and a kind heart so I thought. My gay father,
Reggie Wells, said he was a simple muscle bound queen and didn't
see what I saw, but I liked him. There was something about him that
screamed endless possibilities. Our first several dates were dreamy.
I did everything right. I bought dinner, brought flowers, asked all the
right questions and shut my mouth to listen to all of his stories. I
had made mistakes in the past dating guys and had already learned
those lessons and was clear that I was going to be my best self
because I was interested in showing this Harlem raised guy
something special and different. Little did I know that I was walking
into a game that I wasn't prepared to play. The rules were different
in New York; the values I was raised with weren't celebrated as rare,
they were looked upon as weak. Me being authentic and showing
who I really was on the first few dates unbeknownst to me set me
up as a target.
A month into dating after meeting his family and having deep
intimate moments, things began to change. The energy between us
was different. He had always shared less than I had in our
conversations, always more reserved and secretive. I thought it was
just who he was. I knew he had been hurt badly in a past
relationship but he never went into detail or explained what
happened no matter how much I asked. One night in bed as I held
him he told me that he wasn't as much of a hard jerk as he seemed;
he just felt he had to be that way.
I wanted to add to him and support him. My other gay father,
Stanley Bennett Clay, said I was in love with the boy. I disagreed,
because I don't believe you can be in love with someone you have
only known a month and haven't even had sex with. I decided in
spite of the random recent consistent aloofness from him that I
would still show up as a good man and a gentleman. I knew he had
dreams so I began to call all my contacts to help add to his career
in the making. He was happy for the new connections and
accepted the great opportunities I presented. Yet our connection
was dwindling. Then the disrespect began, the ignored calls and
texts, the flirting with other dudes in my face, and the too busy to
spend quality time. To the point, there were only conversations
about the connections and opportunities I presented. The voice of
God in my heart told me softly that this wasn't good, and much to
my chagrin, I broken my rule of mixing business with my personal
life. I ignored that voice and kept hoping to once again see that
beautifully special dude, that glint of innocence in his eyes, which I
saw on our third date. I never saw it; it never came back. My friend,
Pony Zion, said "He wasn't using you, you gave it all to him.
Two months in, I didn't recognize myself. I had forgotten who I was.
I was powerless. I was stuck on this 23 year old boy from Harlem.
Every morning texting him only to receive a response 6 or 7 hours
later, if I even received a response at all, and checking his Instagram
for an update. I was pathetic. I felt if I kept showing him I cared then
the care buried within him that I experienced before would show up
again, but it never did. He responded less and less. I knew he was
dating other boys the whole time but I begin to see him out at the
clubs with them and the dancing on them and hand holding and
flirting made me want to cry. Actually I did cry from being so tired of
trying to show a dude my interest and trying to keep his.
(Continues on Pg. 24)
What I've Come To
Know
Follow Me On Twitter @DBRIDGEFORTH
M
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