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Believe in Miracles Copyright Notice The following list of subtitles/translation/dubbing script is protected by copyright. The rights of the author must therefore be observed at all times. Infringement of copyright will be prosecuted internationally.

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Page 1: UT Miracles

Believe in Miracles

Copyright Notice

The following list of subtitles/translation/dubbing script is protected by copyright. The rights of the author must therefore be observed at all times.

Infringement of copyright will be prosecuted internationally.

Page 2: UT Miracles

2

0001 10:00:00:00 10:00:01:00

0002 10:00:33:04 10:00:35:24

Believe in Miracles

0003 10:01:33:19 10:01:36:07

Cologne, 731797.

0004 10:01:37:09 10:01:41:13

731797.

0005 10:01:41:23 10:01:45:19

How are you doing? And how's Dirk doing?

0006 10:01:46:04 10:01:49:15

I hope you two aren't working too much.

0007 10:01:51:15 10:01:53:05

Nothing left.

0008 10:01:53:15 10:01:55:12

I'd have drunk it, too. - Huh?

0009 10:01:55:22 10:01:59:16

I'd have drunk it, too. - It tasted like ...

0010 10:02:00:01 10:02:04:05

stale feet, so I did you a real favor.

0011 10:02:08:20 10:02:10:15

Are you getting up now?

0012 10:02:14:19 10:02:16:24

Hey, Britta, it's me, your father.

0013 10:02:17:09 10:02:21:00

I was planning to go to Cologne to see you again

0014 10:02:21:10 10:02:23:18

and not to discuss any problems.

0015 10:02:24:03 10:02:25:17

You aren't very attractive today.

0016 10:02:26:02 10:02:29:18

It's normal for a father to want to see his children,

0017 10:02:30:03 10:02:35:14

but if Dirk isn't up to it, I'll at least get to see you.

0018 10:02:35:24 10:02:38:07

Call me back, please. Bye.

0019 10:02:40:17 10:02:46:00

Hi, Britta, hi, Dirk. Give me a call. It's important.

0020 10:02:46:10 10:02:47:11

Hey, not bad.

0021 10:02:47:21 10:02:50:04

Hi, you two. Britta?

0022 10:02:50:14 10:02:51:14

Damn it.

0023 10:02:52:22 10:02:56:12

Aren't you talking to me anymore, or what's the deal?

0024 10:02:59:04 10:03:03:07

The breakfast table is set as usual.

0025 10:03:08:06 10:03:11:03

Hey, Britta, get off my balls!

0026 10:03:12:11 10:03:15:00

I told you to get off my balls.

Page 3: UT Miracles

3

0027 10:03:45:11 10:03:47:05

I'm coughing heavily.

0028 10:04:08:07 10:04:13:03

Not again! I don't believe it! I did it again ...

0029 10:04:13:13 10:04:18:02

You forgot the coffee, right? - I forgot the coffee again.

0030 10:04:18:17 10:04:23:01

You do it. You're better at it. - Bullshit. You think I'm an idiot?

0031 10:04:23:11 10:04:25:23

Just put in the coffee. Then it works.

0032 10:04:26:08 10:04:28:22

Can't you do it? - Why? You just put in coffee ...

0033 10:04:29:07 10:04:31:21

Another day begins in this frustrating way!

0034 10:04:32:06 10:04:34:20

You're just talking bullshit! - I know.

0035 10:04:35:17 10:04:38:03

Tell that someone else.

0036 10:04:47:00 10:04:50:19

Hey, Mom, you wanna ration my money?

0037 10:04:51:20 10:04:55:24

Yeah, a bit. Hey, think about what you're saying.

0038 10:05:00:02 10:05:01:23

What's it got to do with the money?

0039 10:05:02:16 10:05:05:06

We didn't get to bed until 4:30.

0040 10:05:06:12 10:05:07:12

No way.

0041 10:05:12:20 10:05:15:12

Yeah, got it.

0042 10:05:18:14 10:05:21:15

Yeah, okay. Sure thing. See ya.

0043 10:05:23:03 10:05:25:18

What's going on in her head?

0044 10:05:26:19 10:05:30:03

The cup is hot from the sun. Nice weather today.

0045 10:05:32:04 10:05:34:20

Wanna talk about the weather? - Yeah.

0046 10:05:43:02 10:05:47:16

Know what'd be really cool? If you got me some tobacco.

0047 10:05:48:16 10:05:51:07

Will you? - Sure thing.

0048 10:05:52:12 10:05:55:11

I'm your sister. I'll do anything for you.

0049 10:05:55:21 10:05:57:14

What did you think?

0050 10:07:00:01 10:07:01:23

It's really cool.

0051 10:07:07:07 10:07:11:10

You're kind of a masochist. Now be honest ...

0052 10:07:11:20 10:07:15:20

Just "kind of"? - Why aren't I an only child?

Page 4: UT Miracles

4

0053 10:07:18:09 10:07:23:11

Fucking honey! Instead of putting a good wine on the table,

0054 10:07:23:21 10:07:26:06

I only get this crap.

0055 10:07:26:16 10:07:29:14

You gotta add sugar so it's worth drinking at all.

0056 10:07:29:24 10:07:32:21

I'm drunk, but I still can't sleep.

0057 10:07:33:06 10:07:39:08

It's been going on for three weeks now. Three weeks and no sleep.

0058 10:07:44:09 10:07:50:12

When I got drunk in the past, I could always fall asleep.

0059 10:07:50:22 10:07:53:15

You've had enough to drink already.

0060 10:07:54:00 10:07:57:04

You drank too much, I drank too much. Tomorrow we can get some weed.

0061 10:07:57:14 10:08:00:18

That won't help me tonight. - No, we can get it tomorrow night.

0062 10:08:01:03 10:08:05:00

Yeah, but tomorrow night I have to pick up the motorcycle ...

0063 10:08:05:10 10:08:09:12

I promise we'll pick it up tomorrow night. Anyway ...

0064 10:08:09:22 10:08:13:19

What's the sense of picking it up tomorrow?

0065 10:08:14:04 10:08:15:24

'cause you can't talk me into it now.

0066 10:08:16:09 10:08:21:18

'cause you make up some kind of principle that you think is right,

0067 10:08:22:03 10:08:24:00

but there's nothing to it.

0068 10:08:24:10 10:08:30:02

No thought. All you think is: I can't do it now!

0069 10:08:30:12 10:08:35:06

That's your attitude. You got your mind set on it.

0070 10:08:35:16 10:08:36:16

Brilliant!

0071 10:08:38:14 10:08:44:00

It has nothing to do with it. It's bullshit to get worked up about it.

0072 10:08:45:00 10:08:48:02

If we'd gone there, everything'd be fine now.

0073 10:08:49:02 10:08:50:12

Like always.

0074 10:08:50:22 10:08:55:24

How do I know? What's the deal? Am I being held prisoner here?

0075 10:08:56:14 10:08:59:07

You're the asshole here. - No, you are.

0076 10:08:59:17 10:09:02:17

You thought all along that you wouldn't be in such bad shape

0077 10:09:03:02 10:09:07:16

and you'd take codeine or whatever. You never try to cope alone.

0078 10:09:08:01 10:09:11:07

What if you feel totally ...

Page 5: UT Miracles

5

0079 10:09:11:17 10:09:15:20

You essentially look for the lesser of two evils.

0080 10:09:16:05 10:09:21:03

You've always looked for it ... - That has nothing to do with it.

0081 10:09:21:13 10:09:25:09

You don't get it. How could I explain it to you?

0082 10:09:25:19 10:09:28:11

I mean, it's better than getting drunk.

0083 10:09:28:21 10:09:32:10

Drinking is fucked up. You're really funny.

0084 10:09:32:20 10:09:38:14

You're fucked up, but you're also kind of funny.

0085 10:09:39:03 10:09:41:22

You wanna get killed? - Yeah.

0086 10:09:42:23 10:09:48:01

Drugs keep you looking young. I look nice and fresh, don't I?

0087 10:09:48:12 10:09:52:23

This is Britta. She is 29 and co-dependent.

0088 10:09:54:19 10:09:57:01

Britta is ...

0089 10:09:59:01 10:10:02:05

There's another cool guy!

0090 10:10:06:00 10:10:08:21

We can really live it up again today.

0091 10:10:18:23 10:10:20:20

I'm gonna get the drugs now.

0092 10:11:06:15 10:11:11:03

It's the worst feeling when you physically feel like shit.

0093 10:11:12:17 10:11:14:23

You wanna sleep in the bed tonight? - Yeah.

0094 10:11:15:08 10:11:18:22

No. - Please. The air mattress drives me crazy.

0095 10:11:19:07 10:11:23:19

It was okay last night. I was high. - Drop the drugs or sleep on the floor.

0096 10:11:24:04 10:11:27:15

You aren't high today? - From what?

0097 10:11:33:06 10:11:37:12

There's lots of stuff you don't wanna do, so look for the lesser evil.

0098 10:11:37:22 10:11:42:13

In the common view it's normal to go to work, have a nice family and a home.

0099 10:11:42:23 10:11:47:12

You have your regular life, then everything's fine. What more do you want?

0100 10:11:47:22 10:11:50:19

There are three packs of cigarettes on the floor.

0101 10:11:52:18 10:11:57:08

I'm not getting back in that rat race. Maybe it's why I keep having relapses.

0102 10:11:59:12 10:12:03:24

You finish the job, and I'll film. I need to eat something now.

0103 10:12:04:09 10:12:06:08

You aren't leaving the place. - You think I wanna eat crap?

0104 10:12:06:18 10:12:08:04

I didn't eat anything yesterday.

Page 6: UT Miracles

6

0105 10:12:08:14 10:12:12:04

I had nothing yesterday and the day before. I went to McDonald's beforehand.

0106 10:12:12:14 10:12:13:14

Awesome!

0107 10:12:16:00 10:12:18:17

I'm definitely eating something today.

0108 10:12:19:02 10:12:23:10

Try it. You'll like it. It's better than Mom's lentil soup.

0109 10:12:23:20 10:12:26:00

It really is. Just try it ...

0110 10:12:26:10 10:12:30:07

I don't want to. I already feel kind of sick.

0111 10:12:30:17 10:12:34:05

No, really. - It's delicious. If I say so, it's delicious.

0112 10:12:34:15 10:12:38:02

You like it, too. - I feel sick.

0113 10:12:39:18 10:12:42:00

That means there's more for me.

0114 10:12:44:02 10:12:45:23

So that's better.

0115 10:12:50:09 10:12:55:08

Come on, hurry up. I've been keeping still for two hours.

0116 10:12:55:18 10:13:01:09

I can't take it. I just want it to stop. It's really taking too long.

0117 10:13:01:19 10:13:05:22

Three more days. Who knows how long it will take.

0118 10:13:06:07 10:13:12:06

And the fact that I took codeine really bothers me most.

0119 10:13:12:18 10:13:13:18

It's all fucked up.

0120 10:13:15:13 10:13:19:18

What a good life. They lie around and don't have to detox.

0121 10:13:20:03 10:13:23:16

And guys like me suffer all day. He's running down.

0122 10:13:24:01 10:13:28:01

Can you stop him, so he doesn't run down?

0123 10:13:30:04 10:13:33:24

Before I kicked the habit, I took a really high dose of heroin.

0124 10:13:34:09 10:13:37:12

I took five grams of awesome heroin, really horrific.

0125 10:13:37:22 10:13:43:06

I took five grams. It was so awesome. I didn't know what was going on!

0126 10:13:43:16 10:13:48:16

But it wasn't all that cool, 'cause things aren't so cool now.

0127 10:13:49:01 10:13:51:24

I'm not in good shape, and my armpits are all sweaty.

0128 10:13:52:21 10:13:56:14

When I went through town today, my bones were killing me.

0129 10:13:56:24 10:13:59:15

It's incredible. You know, it's a feeling like

0130 10:14:00:00 10:14:05:21

freezing, sweating, hanging around the train station with drugs all around

Page 7: UT Miracles

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0131 10:14:06:06 10:14:10:21

and still not buying anything. It shows me: It's possible.

0132 10:14:11:06 10:14:13:24

So I don't know why I have to go through therapy.

0133 10:14:14:09 10:14:19:01

I somehow believe it's gonna work out okay this time.

0134 10:14:27:04 10:14:31:17

I come home and all I find is this stoned body.

0135 10:14:32:02 10:14:35:03

Hey, I'm not stoned. - Look at your eyes!

0136 10:14:35:13 10:14:40:16

I got bombed with this guy, and we took Diazepam.

0137 10:14:41:01 10:14:43:15

Where's the cash? - I still got cash.

0138 10:14:44:00 10:14:48:04

I paid for the bike and for the camera.

0139 10:14:49:21 10:14:52:00

How much did you pay for the camera?

0140 10:14:52:10 10:14:55:07

60. He wanted to call at ten ...

0141 10:14:55:17 10:15:00:18

What did you buy clothes for? - Listen to me.

0142 10:15:01:20 10:15:04:19

He said it'd cost 900 marks at a store.

0143 10:15:05:04 10:15:09:12

I told him I had no clue, so I looked at stores. That's what took so long.

0144 10:15:09:22 10:15:13:18

I went down the whole Breite Strasse looking for the camera.

0145 10:15:14:03 10:15:15:20

Then I told the guy,

0146 10:15:16:05 10:15:21:11

I'll give you 60 marks for it. You can call me here at ten,

0147 10:15:21:22 10:15:27:08

'cause you know all about cameras, and Canon is a good brand.

0148 10:15:29:01 10:15:35:04

And if not, you can sell the camera and give me back my 60 marks.

0149 10:15:37:09 10:15:41:23

I thought it'd be a good deal for you. You know, sometimes I want to help you.

0150 10:15:44:07 10:15:48:10

You could've done me a favor by not creating total chaos here.

0151 10:15:48:20 10:15:52:08

I got the right to fight, don't I? I'm not gonna let anybody mug me.

0152 10:15:52:18 10:15:56:03

I don't mind at all, but you should've left home by noon

0153 10:15:56:13 10:16:00:23

to take care of some things instead of hanging around the station

0154 10:16:01:08 10:16:04:03

and who knows what. It's 10 o'clock, and you haven't done anything yet.

0155 10:16:04:13 10:16:07:16

I went to McDonald's ... - You get cash

0156 10:16:08:01 10:16:11:10

and spend the whole day boozing it up and hanging around.

Page 8: UT Miracles

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0157 10:16:11:20 10:16:15:15

I didn't drink that much ... - How much money did you get?

0158 10:16:16:00 10:16:20:10

You know how glad I was to be outside? I got 300 marks.

0159 10:16:20:20 10:16:22:20

How much do you have left?

0160 10:16:23:11 10:16:28:11

I spent 50 marks on the bike, 60 for that thing, and I stuffed myself.

0161 10:16:28:21 10:16:32:02

And you boozed it up. - What do you mean by that?

0162 10:16:32:12 10:16:35:07

I drank beer ... in cans.

0163 10:16:35:17 10:16:38:16

I drank 69-pfennig beer ... 59-pfennig beer.

0164 10:16:39:01 10:16:42:24

Then leave the money here for the phone bill.

0165 10:16:44:22 10:16:50:09

Then I'm down to zero. - Yeah, you know that the phone bill costs 150 marks.

0166 10:16:51:09 10:16:53:23

I never have any money.

0167 10:16:55:15 10:16:59:01

Everything is so fucked up.

0168 10:17:03:01 10:17:07:17

Could you pay 100 marks and I pay 50? I'm just asking you.

0169 10:17:08:02 10:17:13:21

I'll pay it tomorrow. I told you I would.

0170 10:17:14:06 10:17:19:04

They're gonna jail me anyway, 'cause I didn't pay my debts.

0171 10:17:21:14 10:17:24:06

What's all this? Where'd all this blood come from?

0172 10:17:24:16 10:17:28:18

Especially 'cause the green shirt is my favorite, and now it's all bloody.

0173 10:17:29:03 10:17:33:14

He hit me right on the spot where I hit the window pane.

0174 10:17:33:24 10:17:36:10

I just wanted to break his nose.

0175 10:17:36:20 10:17:41:01

And the guy ... I hit him on the side somehow.

0176 10:17:41:11 10:17:45:24

He wasn't expecting it. He thought, "I'll mess that guy up."

0177 10:17:47:03 10:17:50:00

Look how it's swelling up.

0178 10:17:50:10 10:17:52:15

It's gotta be stitched up.

0179 10:17:54:16 10:17:57:04

You bet it needs stitching up.

0180 10:17:58:00 10:18:00:13

Look how it's swelling up.

0181 10:18:00:23 10:18:03:17

We gotta go now. - Should I leave this shit on?

0182 10:18:04:02 10:18:07:16

It's impressive. They'll treat you sooner.

Page 9: UT Miracles

9

0183 10:18:08:03 10:18:12:18

Is anything wrong with my right eye? Is it higher?

0184 10:18:13:03 10:18:17:00

Or crooked? They said, it might be crooked later.

0185 10:18:17:10 10:18:21:01

In any case, I'll have a scar for life.

0186 10:18:21:11 10:18:25:06

The scar's okay. - Scars are manly.

0187 10:18:26:00 10:18:28:05

Scars are manly.

0188 10:18:35:02 10:18:39:18

I gotta drink something. My mouth is so dry. I got so worked up.

0189 10:18:40:03 10:18:43:08

I'll give you some water. - Yeah, water's okay.

0190 10:18:43:18 10:18:48:09

I need calcium or magnesium. - Just stay where you are.

0191 10:18:58:11 10:19:04:10

What you do later ... you experienced extremes, and you need extremes later.

0192 10:19:04:20 10:19:10:09

I can't say how I'd be if I was normal, if I'd never taken drugs.

0193 10:19:10:19 10:19:12:10

Who would I be then?

0194 10:19:13:02 10:19:18:03

Relapses ... I remember you once said that relapses are normal.

0195 10:19:18:13 10:19:22:00

Take note of them and try to deal with them.

0196 10:19:22:10 10:19:26:03

I have a relapse and think I can cope with it.

0197 10:19:26:13 10:19:30:06

And then five days later I realize that I'm totally

0198 10:19:30:16 10:19:33:04

plastered, and I think, "Shit, you're plastered."

0199 10:19:33:14 10:19:35:11

And I step on the gas.

0200 10:19:35:21 10:19:40:18

Two, three, four, five grams. The good thing is that it pisses me off,

0201 10:19:41:03 10:19:43:00

and I pull the brakes.

0202 10:19:46:17 10:19:48:20

Don't you wanna eat anything?

0203 10:20:19:16 10:20:20:16

Britta!

0204 10:20:25:09 10:20:27:02

You're getting on my balls.

0205 10:20:44:14 10:20:45:13

Shit!

0206 10:20:57:14 10:21:02:02

You aren't aware of anything? - Just shut up!

0207 10:21:09:07 10:21:13:06

You were never like this before. - I know ...

0208 10:21:13:16 10:21:19:21

What? - Just leave me alone.

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10

0209 10:21:20:13 10:21:22:07

I won't leave you alone.

0210 10:21:22:17 10:21:26:12

I don't fucking want to explain it to you.

0211 10:21:30:21 10:21:32:17

I just wanna sleep.

0212 10:21:33:02 10:21:38:11

You are so fucked up! - No, I just wanna sleep.

0213 10:21:40:20 10:21:43:22

Jesus, I don't believe it.

0214 10:21:44:07 10:21:50:06

I just wanna ... - If you take one more pill here ...

0215 10:21:51:20 10:21:54:06

you can close the door forever.

0216 10:22:58:16 10:23:00:09

Hey, is everything cool with you?

0217 10:23:00:19 10:23:02:13

Why here?

0218 10:23:04:01 10:23:08:18

He's coming here? What's going on up front? Anybody there? Too cold, huh?

0219 10:23:09:03 10:23:12:09

Is anybody there? Is Ralf still there? The guy with the butch haircut?

0220 10:23:12:19 10:23:18:01

With the black hair? No, I got stuff in my pocket. I'm not going up front.

0221 10:23:19:08 10:23:21:24

Okay, let 'em be.

0222 10:23:26:11 10:23:31:08

Hey, Britta, they all think I'm a cheat because of that shit.

0223 10:23:31:18 10:23:37:03

I swear, it's all bad for my image.

0224 10:23:39:08 10:23:42:03

Wait a sec, there it is. It's standing there.

0225 10:23:42:13 10:23:43:13

Out of the way!

0226 10:23:45:19 10:23:51:10

Come on, Britta, we gotta run. We won't get it, 'cause I can't keep up with you.

0227 10:23:52:02 10:23:54:03

Fucking shit!

0228 10:23:57:16 10:24:00:11

Everybody turns around except for the train.

0229 10:24:01:11 10:24:06:02

Here's the smoking section. Where's the ticket collector? Left or right?

0230 10:24:09:18 10:24:12:10

At the homeless shelter you'll see that

0231 10:24:12:20 10:24:15:22

the guys from the team are really the coolest.

0232 10:24:16:07 10:24:20:19

But they gotta take so much crap from those dope heads,

0233 10:24:21:04 10:24:22:19

especially from those ...

0234 10:24:24:03 10:24:28:01

... ecstasy freaks who are real big mouths

Page 11: UT Miracles

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0235 10:24:28:11 10:24:31:23

when they come in and they're still on a trip.

0236 10:24:35:19 10:24:39:19

There used to be some junkies there I got along with.

0237 10:24:40:10 10:24:45:17

Let's get out. We gotta hurry. The train doesn't wait long.

0238 10:24:46:02 10:24:49:12

Did you forget anything? With you it's a fucking hassle.

0239 10:24:52:01 10:24:53:18

Are they fucked up or what?

0240 10:24:54:21 10:24:56:10

Wait a sec.

0241 10:25:04:22 10:25:10:02

I went there and didn't sell anything, so I'm outta money.

0242 10:25:16:13 10:25:19:05

Do you still have everything from yesterday?

0243 10:25:20:03 10:25:22:21

No, I don't. Last night ...

0244 10:25:24:12 10:25:27:22

With smoking and all you use a lot more.

0245 10:25:28:07 10:25:31:08

Where's the roll of aluminum foil?

0246 10:25:39:11 10:25:43:14

So you were smoking all night again?

0247 10:25:44:06 10:25:48:07

I wasted some now and then by trying ...

0248 10:25:48:17 10:25:52:01

to score a rush, but it didn't work. - What?

0249 10:25:52:11 10:25:55:24

A rush ... which didn't work.

0250 10:25:56:09 10:26:01:22

Then it popped off ... The pump popped off.

0251 10:26:02:07 10:26:04:18

The headpiece to be exact.

0252 10:26:06:12 10:26:08:10

The needle ...

0253 10:26:09:08 10:26:13:00

... between the thing, and everything went bang.

0254 10:26:13:10 10:26:17:18

And that was 60 marks

0255 10:26:19:02 10:26:24:10

that I somehow blew. When the needle pops off,

0256 10:26:24:20 10:26:30:01

then everything you push in doesn't go in, because it's harder,

0257 10:26:31:12 10:26:36:17

because there's blood in it that's blocking it off.

0258 10:26:37:16 10:26:40:06

And bang! The thing just popped off.

0259 10:26:42:23 10:26:46:08

And it was fucked up. - Everything's in slow motion here.

0260 10:26:46:18 10:26:48:21

I know.

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12

0261 10:26:50:10 10:26:55:00

It's hell when it's cold. When you're wrecked in the cold,

0262 10:26:55:10 10:27:00:17

it destroys you. If I was on cold turkey in this cold, in this dump ...

0263 10:27:01:02 10:27:03:13

I'd be totally wrecked.

0264 10:27:04:10 10:27:06:14

Call up, Dirki!

0265 10:27:06:24 10:27:10:14

Dirk Petzold speaking. Good evening. I have an appointment

0266 10:27:10:24 10:27:13:12

tomorrow between ten and eleven.

0267 10:27:13:22 10:27:18:18

I'm at a homeless shelter, and they wake people at ...

0268 10:27:19:03 10:27:22:19

What do they do? Let me think ...

0269 10:27:23:04 10:27:26:21

... at eight o'clock, nine ... They kick you out at 9:30.

0270 10:27:27:06 10:27:30:13

And I thought I could get there earlier ... Pardon?

0271 10:27:35:08 10:27:38:21

Pack your things! - But there's still stuff on it.

0272 10:27:39:20 10:27:44:13

According to statistics, more people make it without therapy than with ...

0273 10:27:44:23 10:27:49:23

I got no idea how. There are too many unknown cases.

0274 10:27:50:08 10:27:55:00

Nobody knows how long they were on drugs and how often they took stuff

0275 10:27:55:10 10:27:57:23

and what quality it was.

0276 10:27:58:08 10:28:01:12

Whether it was just heroin or poly-drugs

0277 10:28:01:22 10:28:04:18

like multi-toxic stuff, everything they could get.

0278 10:28:05:03 10:28:09:01

The people at the train station all look so messed up,

0279 10:28:09:11 10:28:14:13

but it isn't the heroin that does it. It's all the pills they got.

0280 10:29:07:20 10:29:10:20

Why did they let you detox warm this time?

0281 10:29:12:06 10:29:15:14

That's the deal now. - For everybody?

0282 10:29:16:02 10:29:19:04

No, Room 10 is the poly-ward.

0283 10:29:19:20 10:29:22:24

They get pills to reduce the dosage.

0284 10:29:23:09 10:29:27:01

And the other thing is ... What I got is ...

0285 10:29:27:21 10:29:30:20

Catapresan. That's what I got.

0286 10:29:31:05 10:29:35:08

But that's crap, 'cause I don't have blood pressure problems.

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13

0287 10:29:38:16 10:29:41:05

And that's why at first I was always going ...

0288 10:29:42:07 10:29:47:02

You know? Always yawning. And they all said, "Shut your mouth!"

0289 10:29:47:12 10:29:51:07

I wobbled around for two days like an alien.

0290 10:30:00:15 10:30:03:04

It seemed more like cold turkey.

0291 10:30:03:14 10:30:08:14

My bones were aching the whole time. When I was on cold turkey here,

0292 10:30:08:24 10:30:13:17

and I got tested three times, and I had 5 grams of heroin

0293 10:30:14:02 10:30:16:19

that was a real knockout.

0294 10:30:17:04 10:30:22:17

You thought that I'd been outside, that I'd run away.

0295 10:30:23:02 10:30:27:16

You said, "You were outside." And in fact I had five grams.

0296 10:30:28:13 10:30:33:01

And that was heroin. I mean, I didn't want to take any.

0297 10:30:33:11 10:30:35:10

But you take it automatically.

0298 10:30:35:20 10:30:39:06

And when it was gone, the cold turkey was okay.

0299 10:30:39:16 10:30:45:05

What I'd bought in Wesseling had been diluted with something,

0300 10:30:45:15 10:30:50:22

and it really messed up my bones. After waking up in the shelter

0301 10:30:51:07 10:30:53:12

I tore open the 5 grams

0302 10:30:53:22 10:30:58:21

and threw 500 marks worth of heroin on the chair, and when I was awake

0303 10:30:59:06 10:31:01:24

I sniffed it up through the tube.

0304 10:31:02:09 10:31:08:06

And after half an hour I was so bad off that I could move my legs.

0305 10:31:08:24 10:31:11:17

And so naturally I was able to go to detox.

0306 10:31:20:01 10:31:22:06

Mother, sing me my song.

0307 10:31:24:05 10:31:27:21

Don't get too comfortable. - That you love me.

0308 10:31:28:24 10:31:31:05

Know what's good about dumb people?

0309 10:31:32:08 10:31:34:04

They don't know they're dumb.

0310 10:31:34:14 10:31:37:22

They keep on smiling and thinking

0311 10:31:38:14 10:31:39:24

everything's okay.

0312 10:31:56:06 10:31:57:18

Is that part of it? - What?

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14

0313 10:31:58:03 10:31:59:09

This here. - Cut it out!

0314 10:31:59:19 10:32:03:00

What is it? - It's cool. It's ...

0315 10:32:03:18 10:32:06:02

Tomorrow or the day after everybody will have it.

0316 10:32:33:12 10:32:35:03

Britta is trying to eat.

0317 10:32:36:10 10:32:38:13

Maybe dead tomorrow.

0318 10:32:41:03 10:32:45:22

Maybe dead tomorrow. - Maybe. Everything is possible.

0319 10:32:46:16 10:32:50:10

Tomorrow? Christmas? - Yeah, tomorrow. Christmas.

0320 10:32:50:20 10:32:53:06

A day like any other.

0321 10:32:54:23 10:32:58:12

Hey, hey, hey! Cut it out, man. I don't go for that.

0322 10:32:58:22 10:33:01:14

I'll slug you, and you'll be down and out.

0323 10:33:03:21 10:33:07:02

Hey, man ... - Yes, maybe dead tomorrow.

0324 10:33:07:12 10:33:11:00

Maybe you're gonna be dead tomorrow. Honest.

0325 10:33:11:10 10:33:14:21

Honest! - Don't do that shit, man!

0326 10:33:15:06 10:33:18:18

Or I could lose it! Don't ever do it again!

0327 10:33:19:03 10:33:24:09

Maybe dead tomorrow. - Yeah, you dead tomorrow.

0328 10:33:43:03 10:33:45:12

And later I'm falling ...

0329 10:33:48:10 10:33:51:13

into a relapse. I don't know the word in English.

0330 10:34:19:12 10:34:23:13

It depends on the woman. I don't know ...

0331 10:34:24:24 10:34:27:19

I don't know if you can say that ...

0332 10:34:28:04 10:34:32:14

Where is my wallet? - So I have to detox a bit tonight.

0333 10:34:32:24 10:34:34:13

Where is my brown wallet?

0334 10:34:34:23 10:34:37:16

Look under there. - Under here?

0335 10:34:38:01 10:34:43:19

I wanted to keep a fifty.

0336 10:34:44:04 10:34:47:19

Will you give me that?

0337 10:34:49:23 10:34:54:15

I said I wanted to hold on to a fifty. - Keep cool.

0338 10:34:55:00 10:34:58:00

I picked that up for you, and they gave me this today.

Page 15: UT Miracles

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0339 10:34:58:10 10:35:00:22

But I'd like to hold on to one of the fifties.

0340 10:35:01:07 10:35:05:10

Then I can't do anything. I can't get anything to smoke

0341 10:35:05:20 10:35:08:01

or eat. - If you give me back

0342 10:35:08:11 10:35:12:11

330 or 340 on Thursday, you won't have anything left for yourself.

0343 10:35:12:21 10:35:16:11

What should I do, man?

0344 10:35:16:21 10:35:18:13

Put yourself in my situation.

0345 10:35:18:23 10:35:21:11

When does Dirk go to the hospital? - Who?

0346 10:35:21:21 10:35:23:04

Dirk. - Friday.

0347 10:35:23:14 10:35:26:14

He has room Friday.

0348 10:35:31:12 10:35:33:14

Tomorrow Wednesday?

0349 10:36:38:14 10:36:41:06

Go to Daddy. Then she'll be quiet at once.

0350 10:37:13:09 10:37:17:15

I went through that myself whenever I fucked up and they fucked me over.

0351 10:37:18:00 10:37:21:10

It was when I was on pills. That's normal.

0352 10:37:21:20 10:37:27:09

It's like the story you told me about that express automat.

0353 10:37:27:19 10:37:29:18

That's the way it is.

0354 10:37:30:17 10:37:32:19

No, that's crap, too.

0355 10:37:33:13 10:37:36:17

But like I said ...

0356 10:37:37:02 10:37:42:11

Come over for dinner and I'll make terrific steaks

0357 10:37:42:21 10:37:46:13

with a good sauce. I'm great at it. Yeah, yeah.

0358 10:37:51:10 10:37:54:08

Like I said, I made you an offer ...

0359 10:37:54:18 10:37:58:11

If you ever fuck up ... Just a second.

0360 10:37:58:21 10:38:03:20

My sister is puking. What are you doing puking?

0361 10:38:04:22 10:38:10:10

Stay in touch, Ralf. All the best, okay?

0362 10:38:11:03 10:38:14:04

It's normal, hey. See ya.

0363 10:38:14:14 10:38:18:03

What are you doing there? You sit there and ...

0364 10:38:18:23 10:38:22:22

and puke all over your pants and keep sitting there. You're drunk,

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0365 10:38:23:07 10:38:26:21

and don't even realize. Hold on. I'll wipe it off. Hey, you're ...

0366 10:38:30:13 10:38:34:20

What's going on? You look like a basketcase. Shit!

0367 10:38:35:11 10:38:38:06

I don't believe it. My God.

0368 10:38:38:19 10:38:43:15

How can you ... A person knows when he's gonna puke. You can't ...

0369 10:38:44:17 10:38:48:14

And you keep on filming. I've never seen that before.

0370 10:38:48:24 10:38:52:24

What should I say? I don't even know where to start.

0371 10:38:57:19 10:39:00:22

I don't know. Just start talking, okay?

0372 10:39:01:07 10:39:06:22

About what? - Don't you remember how you used to ask me questions?

0373 10:39:08:01 10:39:10:01

There's nothing left.

0374 10:39:10:11 10:39:16:00

It's empty, 'cause it's complicated, exhausting. You don't get anywhere.

0375 10:39:18:04 10:39:21:22

You want to start thinking. It's blinking.

0376 10:39:23:18 10:39:28:00

It's the light show. - You got three more minutes.

0377 10:39:32:03 10:39:34:06

Where was I?

0378 10:39:35:14 10:39:39:07

Hey, you look crazy. - I know.

0379 10:39:39:17 10:39:40:21

You're doing weird stuff.

0380 10:39:41:06 10:39:45:02

I could jump. - Jump? That shit?

0381 10:39:45:12 10:39:47:23

I wanted to jump out of the window here, too.

0382 10:39:48:08 10:39:51:18

But the fifth floor is fucking bad.

0383 10:39:53:00 10:39:55:18

And you know, suicide is ...

0384 10:39:57:18 10:40:01:10

the worst thing you can do according to the Bible.

0385 10:40:01:20 10:40:02:20

Why is that?

0386 10:40:03:17 10:40:07:23

If you commit suicide, you won't go to heaven. If you believe in God.

0387 10:40:08:08 10:40:13:08

Yeah, no ... No shit. Because then you ...

0388 10:40:13:18 10:40:17:23

aren't taking our dear Lord seriously.

0389 10:40:18:08 10:40:23:01

That's the biggest punishment ... Or can I call it a punishment?

0390 10:40:23:11 10:40:27:09

The worst thing you can do is suicide, according to the Bible.

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0391 10:40:27:19 10:40:29:13

Because then ...

0392 10:40:30:09 10:40:31:24

How did it go?

0393 10:40:33:22 10:40:39:00

Because then you don't fear God. That's what they say.

0394 10:40:39:21 10:40:43:08

In any case, people who commit suicide don't go to heaven.

0395 10:40:43:18 10:40:45:14

They don't stand a chance.

0396 10:40:45:24 10:40:48:23

What do you think I'm afraid of most right now?

0397 10:40:50:10 10:40:55:06

The future? Not necessarily. I don't think so.

0398 10:41:01:18 10:41:05:11

I don't think you know yourself.

0399 10:41:06:19 10:41:11:19

It's true. Every time you want to think about it, you feel exhausted,

0400 10:41:12:04 10:41:16:01

somehow, and nothing happens. You don't get anywhere.

0401 10:41:16:11 10:41:19:18

Because everything is open. You know nothing for sure.

0402 10:41:22:10 10:41:25:12

You're nodding ... I'm right, aren't I?

0403 10:41:25:22 10:41:30:16

I can put myself in your place. I know the feeling.

0404 10:41:31:15 10:41:33:09

Look how she's smiling.

0405 10:41:36:10 10:41:39:18

Look how my hair tickles you.

0406 10:41:45:24 10:41:47:22

Don't you have any idea what you're teaching her?

0407 10:41:48:07 10:41:49:23

No idea.

0408 10:41:52:16 10:41:56:11

What should we teach you? You already know how to grin.

0409 10:42:05:17 10:42:10:16

She's really smiling at you. - Always.

0410 10:42:12:23 10:42:14:21

Or are you laughing at me?

0411 10:42:18:09 10:42:22:22

She doesn't care when you do something. I wonder how she perceives stuff.

0412 10:42:23:07 10:42:26:07

She's so carefree and easygoing.

0413 10:42:28:07 10:42:31:05

You can see right inside of her.

0414 10:42:31:15 10:42:35:07

No ulterior motives or any of that shit.

0415 10:42:36:17 10:42:40:09

She'll be really proud of you someday. - Proud of me?

0416 10:42:40:19 10:42:44:12

She's already looking at you that way. - She's kicking my belly. - Do it again!

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0417 10:42:48:23 10:42:52:24

She's not in the mood to eat. You want to eat this, too?

0418 10:42:55:13 10:42:58:11

She's eating everything she gets.

0419 10:44:01:10 10:44:03:14

Dirk loves the little ones.

0420 10:44:05:16 10:44:09:24

He's in love with kids. It's normal for Dirk to play with little ones.

0421 10:44:10:09 10:44:14:05

He lives like little ones.

0422 10:44:14:15 10:44:15:15

What?

0423 10:44:16:15 10:44:20:15

Dirk lives like little ones. - I see. He lives like children.

0424 10:44:21:00 10:44:27:00

Yes. - Children. - Like children. Have fun, play. That's normal life.

0425 10:44:34:16 10:44:37:05

Hi there. Everything cool?

0426 10:44:39:04 10:44:43:11

Hey, that doc, what an idiot. Honest, he's an idiot, isn't he?

0427 10:44:43:22 10:44:46:17

The way he looked at me today.

0428 10:44:47:02 10:44:50:17

I took less today. Maybe that's why I'm sweating like a pig.

0429 10:44:51:02 10:44:55:00

But what should I do? I didn't get anything done on Friday.

0430 10:44:55:10 10:45:00:17

The drug center is open on weekends, and who's on call this weekend?

0431 10:45:01:02 10:45:05:16

Doc Siepe ... Mr. Cool. - Why did you ...

0432 10:45:06:01 10:45:10:12

Don't you get any methadone for Saturday and Sunday?

0433 10:45:10:22 10:45:13:07

I gotta do something. - Mom's coming tomorrow

0434 10:45:13:17 10:45:16:13

with Kaddi. She can take you to Kamen.

0435 10:45:16:23 10:45:22:04

Yeah, sure, Britta. Why don't you use your brain?

0436 10:45:22:14 10:45:26:01

Maybe I'll be knocked out by Monday, out of action. And it's no go.

0437 10:45:26:11 10:45:30:05

You know how horrific that is? It drives you nuts.

0438 10:45:31:00 10:45:35:15

It's like going from five grams to zero. It's a total killer!

0439 10:45:36:00 10:45:39:06

The stuff doesn't really work, but withdrawal is ...

0440 10:45:40:08 10:45:44:07

absolutely terrific. Where's my tobacco?

0441 10:45:44:17 10:45:48:09

The withdrawal is one of the best. There's nothing better.

0442 10:45:52:17 10:45:58:09

So somebody's gonna check it out and call me after three.

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0443 10:46:07:01 10:46:10:15

I brought you something. - What? - Laundry.

0444 10:46:11:00 10:46:12:00

Asshole!

0445 10:46:22:09 10:46:25:02

What did you take this morning?

0446 10:46:25:12 10:46:26:12

Pills.

0447 10:46:28:06 10:46:30:19

The ones that don't get you addicted?

0448 10:46:54:03 10:46:57:19

If I had a daughter, I'd want one like Kaddi.

0449 10:46:58:06 10:46:59:14

I'd be proud of her.

0450 10:47:01:13 10:47:06:01

A son wouldn't be bad either, but someone like Kaddi ...

0451 10:47:06:11 10:47:11:05

wouldn't be a bad idea. - Being an uncle isn't bad either.

0452 10:47:11:15 10:47:14:14

"Not bad"? - Being an uncle is cool.

0453 10:47:14:24 10:47:17:12

Yeah, you're right.

0454 10:47:19:21 10:47:23:16

An uncle in Africa is just like a father.

0455 10:47:24:01 10:47:28:14

Uncle and father are the same. One makes the kid, the other babysits.

0456 10:47:28:24 10:47:31:10

Number 16 coming. - 13.

0457 10:47:31:20 10:47:34:12

That's Number 13! - Where does it go?

0458 10:47:40:20 10:47:45:07

When you think about last year ...

0459 10:47:45:17 10:47:47:20

You mean: If I think at all?

0460 10:47:50:13 10:47:55:04

Sleep ... And when I think about the last few years?

0461 10:47:56:13 10:48:01:15

They were fucked up. Really fucked up.

0462 10:48:02:00 10:48:04:10

I really fucked up.

0463 10:48:04:20 10:48:10:12

I fucked up my own freedom, my independence.

0464 10:48:12:15 10:48:15:23

I fucked it up. That I had a relapse

0465 10:48:16:08 10:48:21:22

has to do with the fact that I lost my driver's license,

0466 10:48:22:07 10:48:26:21

that I didn't drive back to Kamen very often,

0467 10:48:27:06 10:48:31:19

that I was in Dortmund a lot in the flat

0468 10:48:32:04 10:48:36:07

and all those guys from Dortmund came to me, and they were all on drugs.

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0469 10:48:36:17 10:48:41:12

Or the guys from Kamen who were in Dortmund.

0470 10:48:42:05 10:48:48:04

And I couldn't ride my motorcycle which was my coolest drug.

0471 10:48:48:23 10:48:51:04

And that somehow ...

0472 10:48:53:13 10:48:57:04

had a lot to do with it, but who knows what would've happened,

0473 10:48:57:14 10:49:01:11

if that hadn't happened, but losing my driver's license ...

0474 10:49:01:21 10:49:07:04

How stupid! He put seven Medinox in a bottle of sparkling wine.

0475 10:49:07:14 10:49:10:07

It's a barbiturate. How can he put in seven pills?

0476 10:49:10:17 10:49:14:09

I asked him how many, and he said, "Seven pills."

0477 10:49:14:19 10:49:17:23

It's clear that I'd fall asleep in the car. That's normal.

0478 10:49:18:08 10:49:23:10

Seven pills! If you aren't used to it you'd be dead, you know.

0479 10:49:24:04 10:49:27:15

What? What?

0480 10:49:29:22 10:49:34:13

What do you have in your pants? Don't fall down. Stand up.

0481 10:49:34:23 10:49:38:20

Let Daddy go out. Uncle Dirk is staying here.

0482 10:49:39:05 10:49:42:24

Go to Dirk. - How does Kaddi know that you're leaving?

0483 10:49:43:09 10:49:47:20

She senses it. She smells it. She's getting her jacket now.

0484 10:49:48:16 10:49:51:23

She's not stupid at all. How could she be?

0485 10:49:52:08 10:49:55:24

She takes after you. She should be a slowpoke.

0486 10:49:56:09 10:50:00:07

She must have inherited it from you,

0487 10:50:00:17 10:50:05:13

or she learned how to talk a lot without thinking.

0488 10:50:13:24 10:50:17:05

It's warm outside. No problem.

0489 10:50:18:22 10:50:20:21

Now everything's fine, right?

0490 10:50:21:06 10:50:25:10

Is one shoe enough? What do you think?

0491 10:50:26:19 10:50:30:20

He didn't even say goodbye. - Sure. Didn't you see it? Right away.

0492 10:50:31:05 10:50:33:06

It's a matter of seconds.

0493 10:50:34:17 10:50:37:07

She didn't even notice. And now she's forgotten it.

0494 10:50:37:17 10:50:40:03

Get away from the fridge.

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0495 10:51:13:07 10:51:16:14

Which of us is stronger? - Me.

0496 10:51:16:24 10:51:19:08

Why? - 'cause I'm bigger.

0497 10:51:20:02 10:51:22:17

'cause I'm bigger. - Than what?

0498 10:51:23:02 10:51:27:09

Than what? Because I'm bigger and stronger.

0499 10:51:27:19 10:51:30:24

Can you do this to me? Can you?

0500 10:51:32:06 10:51:34:22

Do it. Think you can?

0501 10:51:35:19 10:51:39:07

No. - Can you do it to me? - No. - Then I'm stronger.

0502 10:51:39:17 10:51:40:17

Do it again!

0503 10:51:45:17 10:51:47:02

I'm not gonna hurt Kaddi.

0504 10:51:48:20 10:51:50:23

Hey, that's loud!

0505 10:51:51:17 10:51:54:05

Don't bark. That's too loud for me.

0506 10:51:55:01 10:51:57:07

Tequila, get down from here!

0507 10:52:08:11 10:52:09:24

It's okay.

0508 10:52:10:09 10:52:12:05

Don't even try to get on the couch.

0509 10:52:12:15 10:52:14:18

Please! - No! - Please! - No!

0510 10:52:15:21 10:52:18:00

Your niece is asking you. - I'm not going to Kamen.

0511 10:52:18:10 10:52:23:13

Be a man. - What's it got to do with it? Drive to Kamen and you're a hero.

0512 10:52:24:13 10:52:26:20

Kamen ... wow! - You're going with us.

0513 10:52:27:05 10:52:31:12

Okay, we can ... Hey, I don't feel like it today.

0514 10:52:31:22 10:52:35:23

I have no desire to hang around there. In that case, I'll go back home.

0515 10:52:36:08 10:52:37:22

I don't feel like ... - Go lie on the bridge.

0516 10:52:38:07 10:52:42:18

It has nothing to do ... - Please! - No, I'm not going to Kamen.

0517 10:52:43:03 10:52:46:18

It is totally ... What a bunch of bullshit!

0518 10:52:47:03 10:52:48:21

That's a bunch of shit.

0519 10:52:50:08 10:52:51:23

I gotta smoke.

0520 10:52:55:01 10:52:58:02

Can you open the window when I smoke because of Kaddi?

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22

0521 10:52:58:12 10:53:01:14

Otherwise it'll be too cold for Kaddi, don't you think?

0522 10:53:01:24 10:53:04:07

She's wearing a cap and scarf. - Because of the cigarette.

0523 10:53:04:17 10:53:06:16

Then throw it out the window.

0524 10:53:07:05 10:53:11:12

I'm not gonna throw it away. I just don't want the car full of smoke.

0525 10:53:12:02 10:53:15:16

What's that grinding sound? - Shut up!

0526 10:53:16:01 10:53:19:21

I told you that four people are too many, but no!

0527 10:53:21:22 10:53:25:05

Let's forget it. Yeah, okay.

0528 10:53:27:02 10:53:30:23

Here's the cigarette. Put it out. - Come here ...

0529 10:53:32:01 10:53:36:09

Everybody else to unbuckle. That's really mean.

0530 10:53:37:14 10:53:41:09

Dirk has to hurry to see the doctor. That's why.

0531 10:53:41:19 10:53:43:14

We have to hurry.

0532 10:53:50:24 10:53:52:05

It tastes great!

0533 10:53:52:22 10:53:55:08

After 300 metha... I can't even speak right.

0534 10:53:56:03 10:53:59:19

Sometimes they ask me, "Were you even here yesterday?"

0535 10:54:00:04 10:54:04:03

I should say no, 'cause it's 20 marks every time I go.

0536 10:54:05:18 10:54:10:24

But the doc's okay. There's no need to fuck him over.

0537 10:54:11:21 10:54:15:05

He didn't even ask me for the cash.

0538 10:54:15:15 10:54:19:15

So I still have a methadone debt. When I told him that last time

0539 10:54:20:00 10:54:25:14

they didn't even ask for cash, he just smiled and said "300".

0540 10:54:27:05 10:54:30:18

I have to pay 230 for two weeks.

0541 10:54:31:03 10:54:33:13

It wasn't quite two weeks.

0542 10:54:33:23 10:54:39:02

I took 28 pills, and that makes 230 marks.

0543 10:54:39:12 10:54:44:21

And the fucking problem is that I need 60 pills a month.

0544 10:54:45:06 10:54:51:09

Pretty expensive. And that's just the pills not including the doctor.

0545 10:54:51:19 10:54:57:12

He gets money, too? - He gets 10 marks every time I come.

0546 10:54:58:13 10:55:03:11

For himself. That makes another 300 marks.

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23

0547 10:55:05:01 10:55:09:09

With other doctors it would be like that.

0548 10:55:09:19 10:55:11:21

He does it out of social commitment?

0549 10:55:12:06 10:55:15:05

He doesn't want to be a dealer in a white coat.

0550 10:55:15:15 10:55:18:08

He thinks the legal situation is fucked up.

0551 10:55:19:17 10:55:24:00

Happy Birthday, Grandma.

0552 10:55:24:10 10:55:28:16

Happy Birthday, dear Grandma,

0553 10:55:29:01 10:55:34:05

Happy Birthday to you.

0554 10:55:43:03 10:55:46:06

Angaleta is now 60 years old ...

0555 10:55:48:16 10:55:51:22

There's no age limit for her.

0556 10:56:23:14 10:56:25:13

I don't believe it!

0557 10:56:29:05 10:56:33:10

Leave my wife alone. - I won't hurt her.

0558 10:56:33:20 10:56:38:19

I don't want to fight with him anymore. - You started it.

0559 10:56:39:04 10:56:42:19

Yes, but ... - She hit me in the pancreas.

0560 10:56:44:15 10:56:45:07

No, no, no!

0561 10:56:45:17 10:56:49:13

Give him the 30-kilo weights. Let's see if he can still lift them.

0562 10:56:49:23 10:56:53:11

He can't do it. - Or that thing you bend.

0563 10:56:53:21 10:56:58:06

Together with Salif, but he doesn't have it in him either.

0564 10:56:58:16 10:57:00:08

You still got it in you? Arm wrestling?

0565 10:57:00:18 10:57:05:02

It's dark outside! - You'll know it when you lose!

0566 10:57:09:16 10:57:12:19

Come on. No problem. - Now get in line.

0567 10:57:13:22 10:57:16:03

Step on it! Step on it!

0568 10:57:17:22 10:57:21:08

You're putting all your weight in it. But I'm not letting go!

0569 10:57:21:19 10:57:24:09

No, I'm not gonna fuck up!

0570 10:57:25:09 10:57:28:20

What you did is cheating. You put your whole body into it.

0571 10:57:31:17 10:57:34:09

Hey, man. - You did it, too.

0572 10:57:34:19 10:57:39:00

How? I did at first, but then I stopped. - Try to use leverage.

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24

0573 10:57:52:11 10:57:53:11

Damn it!

0574 10:57:55:24 10:57:59:14

Not much can happen. They stitched it tight.

0575 10:57:59:24 10:58:01:17

They stitched it?

0576 10:58:03:05 10:58:05:13

It's normal. They always do it.

0577 10:58:05:23 10:58:08:24

I didn't pull it out. It's stitched tight.

0578 10:58:09:09 10:58:12:03

Yeah, I can take it along. But why toothpaste?

0579 10:58:12:13 10:58:15:03

You wanted toothpaste. - I never said so.

0580 10:58:15:19 10:58:19:21

Know what? Don't call me. I won't bring you anything from now on.

0581 10:58:20:06 10:58:23:05

When I tell you something ...

0582 10:58:23:15 10:58:27:07

Why did I ask you for a toothbrush? Because mine is worn out.

0583 10:58:27:17 10:58:31:04

Because mine is so worn out.

0584 10:58:31:14 10:58:36:23

You told me to bring a toothbrush, and I did. - But I told you

0585 10:58:37:08 10:58:39:07

not to bring a cheap one. - Is that my fault?

0586 10:58:39:17 10:58:41:15

Did I say so? - You're acting like it.

0587 10:58:42:00 10:58:45:02

Don't get all huffy about it.

0588 10:58:47:00 10:58:51:23

Leave it here. The cheap ones just don't get rid of dental plaque.

0589 10:58:52:08 10:58:56:02

She's all huffy now. - You really got on her back.

0590 10:58:56:12 10:59:00:17

Sure, but ... - Be considerate.

0591 10:59:01:02 10:59:06:12

Yeah, but it's always ... Like with the cigarettes.

0592 10:59:06:22 10:59:10:12

You know I don't like lights, and you brought me lights.

0593 10:59:10:22 10:59:13:21

I don't smoke, so I have no idea.

0594 10:59:14:06 10:59:16:10

Sure, that's what they gave me.

0595 10:59:20:12 10:59:21:13

Bye.

0596 10:59:32:21 10:59:37:05

I told him, "Take a taxi." He said, "My dryer needs 30 minutes."

0597 10:59:37:15 10:59:42:09

"Sure, your dryer. Make sure you get the train at 5:55."

0598 10:59:42:19 10:59:46:08

But he didn't catch it. He's coming in half an hour.

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0599 10:59:46:18 10:59:49:05

I'm gonna tell him off. If he had to catch a plane,

0600 10:59:49:15 10:59:54:09

and he had to go to the airport in Düsseldorf at 4:55,

0601 10:59:54:19 10:59:57:05

he can't just say, "I gotta buy a present for Kaddi."

0602 10:59:57:18 11:00:00:16

Yesterday I had the problem that I had to pay the doctor.

0603 11:00:01:01 11:00:05:13

But he wasn't willing to give me the syrup. So I was glad

0604 11:00:05:23 11:00:09:14

that I got money in the evening, so I could rush to the doctor's

0605 11:00:09:24 11:00:12:10

and pay him, so I got the stuff for the next few days.

0606 11:00:12:20 11:00:15:18

I'm still a self-pay patient. I'm not in the program yet which is crap.

0607 11:00:16:03 11:00:19:05

It's your problem. - Others get it paid for.

0608 11:00:19:15 11:00:24:20

You were down to 30 six weeks ago ...

0609 11:00:25:05 11:00:27:24

And you said, in two weeks you don't need it anymore.

0610 11:00:28:09 11:00:31:01

And now you're up to 80 again. - 80?

0611 11:00:31:11 11:00:36:18

80 mg a day. Six weeks ago he was at 30 mg.

0612 11:00:37:03 11:00:39:11

I can get it out. I got it filed.

0613 11:00:40:05 11:00:41:07

Sure thing.

0614 11:00:41:17 11:00:43:22

Want me to get it? - You bet!

0615 11:00:45:09 11:00:47:15

What do you think?

0616 11:00:48:00 11:00:50:00

I'm exhausted. I just wanna sleep.

0617 11:00:50:10 11:00:54:07

Since 18 November you don't need it anymore, you said on 24 October.

0618 11:00:54:17 11:00:58:22

I thought so ... - "I thought so!"

0619 11:00:59:07 11:01:03:23

Sure, I can explain it. - Since 9 November, 2003, Dirk clean.

0620 11:01:04:08 11:01:09:01

How shitty do you think I feel? I'm throwing away all my money on it.

0621 11:01:09:11 11:01:13:09

Look at it this way. People you owe money to aren't getting it.

0622 11:01:13:19 11:01:19:23

If my tenant doesn't pay his rent ... It doesn't matter.

0623 11:01:20:08 11:01:23:04

Normally I'd get it from health insurance. Others do.

0624 11:01:23:14 11:01:26:17

I never got it, 'cause I don't have hepatitis C or HIV.

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0625 11:01:27:02 11:01:32:03

You wanna cut your wrists? - If I'd gone to jail

0626 11:01:32:13 11:01:35:20

I'd have gone from 80 mg down to zero,

0627 11:01:36:05 11:01:39:04

because I'm not in any medical program.

0628 11:01:39:14 11:01:43:05

There's no way you can do that. It totally wrecks you.

0629 11:01:43:15 11:01:44:17

You're creating your own hassle.

0630 11:01:45:02 11:01:47:19

I can't make any plans. I don't know what'll happen,

0631 11:01:48:04 11:01:53:08

if I get the apartment and can join the medical program.

0632 11:01:53:18 11:01:55:16

I have to wait and see.

0633 11:01:56:01 11:01:59:21

At least I'm glad I registered with the doctor, so if I go to jail,

0634 11:02:00:06 11:02:04:20

they'll get me through withdrawal in two or three weeks.

0635 11:02:05:05 11:02:08:16

Otherwise they'd take me from 80 mg to zero, 'cause they don't believe me.

0636 11:02:09:01 11:02:11:11

And then I'd be fucked up. Then I'd cut my wrists.

0637 11:02:11:21 11:02:15:18

You were down to 30 mg. - Don't keep telling me that!

0638 11:02:16:03 11:02:19:18

Now you're back up to 80. Something's wrong. - Yes, but ...

0639 11:02:20:03 11:02:23:23

When you reach that point ... - I did. - You said "in two weeks".

0640 11:02:24:08 11:02:28:16

I got ... I went into withdrawal.

0641 11:02:29:01 11:02:34:05

And I took some coke for a short period with somebody else.

0642 11:02:34:15 11:02:38:10

And to come back down you dose up the other stuff.

0643 11:02:38:20 11:02:44:23

And I thought, "It's not so bad. You'll get down to 30 quickly."

0644 11:02:46:14 11:02:50:07

I can't really stand that stuff. It really makes you sweat.

0645 11:02:50:17 11:02:54:12

Look how I was sweating when I was in a rush.

0646 11:03:17:12 11:03:20:00

Grandpa took Dirk with him.

0647 11:03:21:17 11:03:23:02

Today?

0648 11:03:26:14 11:03:28:09

What did he do?

0649 11:03:30:14 11:03:32:01

What do you think?

0650 11:03:32:24 11:03:36:14

Is he running around in the street?

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0651 11:03:38:01 11:03:40:00

He's taking him to Grandma.

0652 11:03:41:09 11:03:43:01

Does Grandma want him?

0653 11:03:56:16 11:03:58:19

Not in my room.

0654 11:03:59:12 11:04:02:18

Oh yes. Where else?

0655 11:04:03:06 11:04:08:15

No! Then I can't use my room again!

0656 11:04:09:24 11:04:12:07

He won't stay long.

0657 11:04:12:17 11:04:15:13

We'll have to redecorate again.

0658 11:04:15:23 11:04:20:14

We have to clean everything up before I go back.

0659 11:04:22:12 11:04:24:19

Maybe he'll just stay for two days.

0660 11:04:34:20 11:04:39:10

He is your uncle. - I know, but still ...

0661 11:04:50:09 11:04:54:05

I said to Dirk, "It isn't normal. Your clothes are all bloody.

0662 11:04:54:15 11:04:59:12

And the needles lying around ... You say they belong to others?

0663 11:04:59:22 11:05:01:19

I don't believe you."

0664 11:05:02:04 11:05:07:02

"Yeah, he used the needle, and so his mother can't find it ..."

0665 11:05:07:12 11:05:09:11

And when we started cleaning up the wardrobe, Sascha said,

0666 11:05:09:21 11:05:14:15

"Be careful with the needles. You never know who used them."

0667 11:05:15:00 11:05:18:01

That's what he said. And Gerd said, "Hold open the sack,"

0668 11:05:18:11 11:05:21:05

and he took the drawers and dumped out everything.

0669 11:05:21:15 11:05:25:16

In the black wardrobe there was a bloody needle.

0670 11:05:26:01 11:05:29:15

"I don't want to talk about it." That's what Sascha said.

0671 11:05:30:00 11:05:33:19

"But ..." - Everybody's talking about someone else. - Exactly.

0672 11:05:34:04 11:05:38:22

You're allowed to find them,

0673 11:05:39:07 11:05:42:19

but not the other mothers. - Not the other mothers.

0674 11:05:43:04 11:05:47:20

They aren't his. I was once with Kaddi in Dortmund.

0675 11:05:48:05 11:05:51:24

We were sitting on the couch ... You know his apartment.

0676 11:05:52:09 11:05:54:08

And Dirk ... - You told me.

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0677 11:05:54:18 11:05:57:15

And Kaddi said, "Grandma, look at that."

0678 11:05:58:00 11:06:02:13

There was like a toothbrush mug full of syringes.

0679 11:06:02:23 11:06:08:00

He was showering then. And I said, "What's this?"

0680 11:06:08:10 11:06:11:17

"Were you snooping around?" he asked. "No I wasn't," I said.

0681 11:06:12:02 11:06:15:01

Kaddi said, "Look at that, Grandma."

0682 11:06:15:11 11:06:20:15

"They're not mine. You mean these big syringes?

0683 11:06:21:00 11:06:25:06

I fill them with methadone I get from the bottles."

0684 11:06:25:16 11:06:28:08

What should I say when he tells me that?

0685 11:06:28:18 11:06:34:19

Check if they still have needles. I'd go crazy if he told me that.

0686 11:06:36:00 11:06:37:17

Listen, I'll read this to you.

0687 11:06:38:02 11:06:42:10

It says he wanted to manage things with the employment agency on Friday:

0688 11:06:42:20 11:06:45:18

"My anger came to a boil.

0689 11:06:46:03 11:06:51:07

I picked up his clothes and papers and put them in the shed.

0690 11:06:51:17 11:06:54:19

When he returned, I fried two pieces of cordon bleu.

0691 11:06:55:04 11:06:58:13

Then we put everything in the Corsa and drove to Kamen.

0692 11:06:58:23 11:07:02:21

Dirk put everything in the basement. I told him to sleep in Kamen

0693 11:07:03:06 11:07:06:15

because of the employment agency. He refused and rode back with me.

0694 11:07:07:00 11:07:09:00

He made me drop him off at a bar.

0695 11:07:09:10 11:07:11:24

In his jacket I found two syringes with cotton swabs.

0696 11:07:12:09 11:07:16:07

I can't stand Dirk. I'm very nervous and didn't sleep a wink.

0697 11:07:16:17 11:07:19:17

I tremble when I see him and yell at him although I don't want to."

0698 11:07:20:02 11:07:22:12

I was a wreck, Britta. - You screamed all the time.

0699 11:07:22:22 11:07:27:19

Whenever I said something ... he said, "What's your problem?"

0700 11:07:28:04 11:07:30:01

It was too much for me.

0701 11:07:31:02 11:07:35:16

"I can't go on like this. It was a mistake to take him in.

0702 11:07:36:01 11:07:39:11

Dirk doesn't respect anything. He smokes

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0703 11:07:39:21 11:07:42:20

Russian cigarettes in the basement. His bed was burned again."

0704 11:07:43:05 11:07:45:15

Off to bed. - Good night.

0705 11:07:46:00 11:07:48:00

Come on, dear.

0706 11:07:51:07 11:07:54:24

I always slip here, because it's so cold.

0707 11:07:55:09 11:07:59:06

And now you have slippers on.

0708 11:07:59:16 11:08:01:19

They're nice and warm. - Yes.

0709 11:08:04:09 11:08:07:13

They're slipping off. - Look ...

0710 11:08:08:13 11:08:13:04

Is everything peachy keen?

0711 11:08:15:13 11:08:18:22

Bye-bye. Turn off the light. It's still on.

0712 11:08:26:21 11:08:29:10

Terrific, Britta.

0713 11:08:31:22 11:08:34:21

Terrific. Terrific.

0714 11:08:36:15 11:08:40:15

Great. You're doing ...

0715 11:08:41:00 11:08:45:12

Dad, you must have noticed. I got along great with you.

0716 11:08:45:22 11:08:49:20

I could really talk to you. I got along with you.

0717 11:08:50:05 11:08:53:22

But if you get Dirk in the shit, I won't ever forgive you.

0718 11:08:54:07 11:08:57:15

You were aware of that back then. I have no problems with you.

0719 11:08:58:00 11:09:00:22

Think twice when it's about Dirk. You can mess with me

0720 11:09:01:07 11:09:07:13

but with Dirk ... I go nuts when it's about others.

0721 11:09:09:01 11:09:12:24

You know how Mom is suffering tonight? You know how messed up she is?

0722 11:09:13:09 11:09:19:01

Even if you don't care ... you dropped Dirk off with a beer.

0723 11:09:19:11 11:09:22:13

With a beer! And she was just glad

0724 11:09:22:23 11:09:27:05

that he hadn't drunk any alcohol for a month.

0725 11:09:27:15 11:09:32:13

And you take him to a bar, drink, chew the fat and drop him off at Mom's.

0726 11:09:32:23 11:09:34:24

I think that's so ...

0727 11:09:36:11 11:09:38:04

No, I think ...

0728 11:09:41:12 11:09:45:05

You don't understand. You just don't understand.

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0729 11:09:54:20 11:09:57:20

I didn't want to have any more talks like this with you.

0730 11:09:58:05 11:10:03:13

I wanted to accept what you do and not get upset about it.

0731 11:10:03:23 11:10:06:22

But he's your son, and he's addicted to drugs.

0732 11:10:07:07 11:10:10:21

And you have to be careful.

0733 11:10:11:06 11:10:14:07

You have to think about what you do.

0734 11:10:14:17 11:10:19:10

It doesn't matter with me or yourself, but be careful with Dirk,

0735 11:10:19:20 11:10:24:04

because: Do you want him to die before you do?

0736 11:10:24:14 11:10:26:08

Then do something ...

0737 11:10:28:09 11:10:30:15

Yeah, sure.

0738 11:10:32:11 11:10:38:16

Let me say this, if your son dies before you do or I do ...

0739 11:10:39:01 11:10:44:09

You didn't do that much good ... you didn't do the right stuff.

0740 11:10:46:01 11:10:51:21

I'm not saying you're to blame, but you have to think!

0741 11:10:56:17 11:10:59:07

You always say that. But it isn't the time.

0742 11:10:59:17 11:11:04:04

I never said ... I mean that very first talk we had,

0743 11:11:04:14 11:11:07:12

that the three of us had together ...

0744 11:11:07:22 11:11:10:06

I haven't forgotten it. At the drug counselor's

0745 11:11:10:16 11:11:17:02

15 years ago or 13 ... It was '94, '93, '92 ... '93.

0746 11:11:17:12 11:11:21:18

Exactly ... 2004. 11 years ago. Right?

0747 11:11:22:24 11:11:23:24

'93.

0748 11:11:26:03 11:11:30:02

Nothing has changed since then. Nothing.

0749 11:11:31:23 11:11:33:16

The same with us.

0750 11:11:34:21 11:11:40:12

We were all inexperienced, but we never stuck together.

0751 11:11:40:22 11:11:44:06

We always passed it on to one another.

0752 11:11:57:07 11:11:58:24

I'm here now.

0753 11:12:01:02 11:12:04:11

Want to go in the living room? - Please.

0754 11:12:05:13 11:12:09:24

Because we're talking about Dirk. - No, I need tape.

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0755 11:12:10:09 11:12:11:24

It's in the living room.

0756 11:12:12:09 11:12:16:18

He isn't gonna make it. - He told me, "I never saw you work."

0757 11:12:17:03 11:12:18:14

Now you can work.

0758 11:12:18:24 11:12:22:06

You think it bothers me?

0759 11:12:22:16 11:12:27:21

On 31 May, '05 I paid 80 euros for him.

0760 11:12:30:07 11:12:33:11

Talked to Dirk on the phone on 10 December

0761 11:12:33:21 11:12:36:16

that he was going to Telgte to detox on 13 December.

0762 11:12:37:01 11:12:40:13

Then I couldn't reach him. - On the 23rd. - On the 13th.

0763 11:12:40:23 11:12:42:10

He was supposed to be in Telgte?

0764 11:12:42:20 11:12:46:19

I didn't call the Ostenberg Therapy Center.

0765 11:12:47:04 11:12:49:17

I called the Westfälischer Hof, and they said it wasn't rehab.

0766 11:12:50:02 11:12:54:08

It can be a normal hospital. - Yeah, I wasn't aware.

0767 11:12:54:18 11:12:58:08

I called up Marienhospital. It's a hospital.

0768 11:12:58:18 11:13:03:22

I asked about detox ... No, about Dirk Petzold.

0769 11:13:04:22 11:13:07:20

He must have been there for quite a while.

0770 11:13:08:05 11:13:13:12

He must have been admitted on the 22nd.

0771 11:13:16:10 11:13:19:04

When did he call and ask you to drive him to Telgte?

0772 11:13:19:14 11:13:22:13

That was during the call when we talked to each other.

0773 11:13:22:23 11:13:25:02

When did I talk to Dirk?

0774 11:13:25:12 11:13:31:13

Then I called on 11, 12 and 13 December, but no answer.

0775 11:13:31:23 11:13:35:24

I talked to him on 10 December, and he asked me to drive him.

0776 11:13:36:09 11:13:37:16

I left it open.

0777 11:13:38:01 11:13:42:04

But he said he was vomiting and coughing,

0778 11:13:42:14 11:13:44:03

so he must've gone to the hospital.

0779 11:13:44:13 11:13:48:24

You should have driven him. Christmas would've been more peaceful.

0780 11:13:49:09 11:13:50:09

Yeah ...

Page 32: UT Miracles

32

0781 11:13:52:00 11:13:55:16

I didn't even know that your mother was gone.

0782 11:13:56:01 11:13:59:21

I normally would have driven him to Castrop-Rauxel or whatever.

0783 11:14:01:12 11:14:04:12

When are you going to your mother's? At three?

0784 11:14:09:21 11:14:14:17

Okay, but if he isn't there anyway ... I thought, maybe he knew the doctor ...

0785 11:14:15:14 11:14:18:15

Then we could've called the doctor.

0786 11:14:25:06 11:14:29:18

Dad talked to him already, because we figured you had a key.

0787 11:14:30:12 11:14:32:17

I'm not absolutely certain.

0788 11:14:33:02 11:14:39:07

The tape started, and I thought I heard "hospital" and then the tape started.

0789 11:14:39:17 11:14:43:21

But a "hospital" is for poor people.

0790 11:14:46:16 11:14:51:13

It's for poor people. And that fits. He isn't rich.

0791 11:14:52:14 11:14:55:18

He must have been lying there for quite a while.

0792 11:17:43:01 11:17:44:24

This is the stove.

0793 11:17:49:07 11:17:51:23

We'll take the keys, too.

0794 11:19:22:05 11:19:24:11

Dirk died between

0795 11:19:24:21 11:19:27:15

December 10 and 27, 2005

0796 11:20:07:12 11:20:10:20

The imaginary can be my demise

0797 11:20:11:05 11:20:17:22

but at the same time also MY WAY OF LIFE

0798 11:20:52:17 11:20:54:19

Subtitles: John Middleton Film und Video Untertitelung GmbH