Unproductive Core Beliefs

Dr. Roe

Cal Baptist University

2010 ©

It’s bad to think well of myself…

I can’t be happy unless a certain condition – like success, money,

love, approval, or perfect achievement – is met…

Ineffective Paradigms I can’t feel worthwhile unless a certain condition is

met. I am entitled to happiness (or success, health, self-

respect, pleasure, love) without having to work for it. One day when I make it, I’ll have friends and be able

to enjoy myself. Work should be hard and in some way unpleasant. Joy is only gained through hard work. I am inadequate…

Continuing… Worrying insures that I will be prepared to face and solve problems.

So the more I worry, the better. Life should be easy. I can’t enjoy it if there is problems. The past makes me unhappy. There is no way around it. There’s a perfect solution and I must find it. If people disapprove of me, it means I am inferior, wrong, or no

good. If I try hard enough, all people will like me. If I try hard enough, my future will be happy and trouble free… Life muse be fair. It doesn’t matter anyway – translated…I don’t matter.

The I Am… Not…

List 10 Afraid…

List 10 Working on…

Injunctions What decisions have you made up about

the program… What story did you make up about the event?

You attach the meaning… There is no inherent significance in ANYTHING!

Don’t make mistakes! Possible decisions:

I am scared of making the wrong decision, so I simply won’t decide.

Because I made a dumb choice, I won’t decide on anything ever again.

I better be perfect if I hope to be accepted

Don’t Be The basic message – “I wish you hadn’t

been born…” Possible decisions:

I will keep trying until I get you to love me If things get terrible, I will kill myself

Don’t be close Related to “Don’t trust” and “Don’t love”

Possible decisions: I loved once and it backfired – never again! Because it is scary to get close, I’ll keep myself

distant.

Don’t be Important If you are constantly discounted when you

speak… Possible decision:

If, by chance, I ever do become important, I’ll play down my accomplishments…

Don’t be a child… “Always act adult, don’t be childish and

make a fool of yourself – keep control of yourself” Possible decisions:

I’ll take care of others and won’t ask much of myself.

I won’t let myself have fun.

Don’t grow… This message is given by the frightened

parent who discourages the child from growing up in many ways… Possible decisions:

I’ll stay a child, and that way I will get my parents to approve of me…

I won’t be sexual, and that way my Father won’t punish and push me away.

Don’t succeed… Possible decisions:

I’ll never do anything perfect enough, so why try? I’ll succeed, even if it kills me. If I don’t succeed, then I will not have to live up to

high expectations others have for me.

Don’t be you… This involves suggesting to children that

they are the wrong sex, shape, size, color, or have ideas or feelings that are unacceptable to parental figures… Possible decisions:

They would love me only if I were a boy (girl), so it’s impossible to get their love.

I will pretend to be a boy (girl).

Don’t be sane/Don’t be well Possible decisions

I will get sick and then I will be included I am crazy.

Don’t Belong… This injunction may indicate that a family

feels that the child does not belong anywhere… Possible decisions:

I’ll be a loner forever… I will never belong anywhere…

Alcoholic Families Don’t Talk Don’t Trust Don’t Feel

Translates to future relationships Programs very powerful

Manifested later in life