TYPES OF LOSS MFCO 502 Module 1...Praying through cancer: Set your heart free from fear (a 90 day devotional for women). Thomas Nelson Publishers. VIII. Closing Thoughts A. Stages

Types of Loss 1

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TYPES OF LOSS

MFCO 502

Module 1

Types of Loss 2


Module One

Table of Contents

Moving Through Grief and Loss Georgia Schaffer, Ph.D. …………………………………………………………………….. 3

Past Hurts and Marital Satisfaction Sandra Wilson, Ph.D. .......................................................................................................................... . 6

Past Hurts and Marital Satisfaction Sandra Wilson, Ph.D. …………………………………………………………………………………12

INTRODUCTION TO LOSS

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Course Description This lesson deals with the emotions that people deal with during separation and divorce. Dr. Tom Whiteman brings a message of hope and healing to those who are struggling through the pain of divorce. In order to move on, it is important to understand the grieving process and recognize that grief and pain after a divorce is normal. Dr. Whiteman describes the God-given reaction of denial and how it can be used in a healthy way. He also discusses the positive and negative ways that people deal with anger. Ultimately, people struggling through the pain in divorce need to slow down and focus on the things they know to be true. Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will be able to recognize that pain is normal after a divorce. 2. Will be able to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy denial.

3. Will be able to identify the four ways that people experience and deal with

anger.

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Student Notes:

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Course Description As a crisis responder, one must recognize that the emotional, spiritual, and psychological impacts of an incident are measured by how each individual is affected and specific losses they experience. Some of the most challenging losses are those that are not publically recognized or socially acknowledged as significant. This session will address how to identify these "unrecognized" losses and give practical recommendations for helping. Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will be able to identify common unrecognized losses such as pet loss, health loss, miscarriage, friend loss, and others.

2. Will hear testimonials from those who have experienced unrecognized losses.

3. Will learn crisis intervention techniques for identifying and validating

unrecognized losses.

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I. Defining “Unrecognized Losses”

A. Disenfranchised grief – the pain of a significant loss that is not socially supported

B. Death of an immediate family member typically results in attention and sympathy from family members and friends, but not all loss is treated this way.

II. Consequences of Unrecognized/Ungrieved Losses

A. “The problem with suffering in silence is that you don’t have the support you need when you need it most. Bottling up intense feelings leads to deep resentment and is stressful on the body, which can make you more vulnerable to illness.” –Mary McCambridge, Foundation for Grieving Children

B. Long-term consequences of unrecognized loss and disenfranchised grief: • Physical Illness

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Addiction

• Relationship problems

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III. Potential Areas of Unrecognized Loss/Disenfranchised Grief

A. Your relationship is not recognized by others because they did not know you had a relationship.

• Miscarriage/Adoption

• Friendship where the depth of the relationship is not known

• Co-workers

• Professional relationships-pastors, counselors, healthcare professionals, etc.

B. Your loss is not a person • Pet loss

1. 74.8 million dogs and 88.3 million cats are pets in U.S. homes

2. 39% of U.S. homes have a dog and 34% have a cat

3. 83% of pet owners call themselves their pet’s “mommy” or “daddy”

• Divorce

• Death of a Dream

• Financial/Job/Material Loss • Health/Functioning Loss

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C. Your relationship is not accepted or approved of by family or society OR there is stigma surrounding the life or death of the loved one.

• Homosexual relationships/Affairs

• Abortion

• Suicide

• Drug/Alcohol addiction related deaths

• AIDs

• Deaths associated with crime/violence

• Incarceration

IV. Techniques for Effective Crisis Intervention in Cases of Unrecognized Loss

A. Suspend Judgment

B. Ask questions to determine if there is an unrecognized loss

C. Validate the loss and the pain and help personal understand their feelings are legitimate

D. Help them learn how to respond to hurtful/ignorant remarks or statements

E. Suggest techniques for grieving

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Study Questions 1. What is the clinical term for unrecognized losses? 2. Why are losses that are not socially recognized or publically acknowledged more challenging to grieve? 3. Have you experienced a loss that was not recognized or acknowledged? If so, how did this affect you? 4. What is the most helpful to those who are experiencing disenfranchised grief? 5. Why might pet loss be traumatic?

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Bibliography/Reading List

A. Doka, Kenneth J. (1989). Disenfranchised Grief: Recognizing Hidden Sorrow; Lexington Books.

B. Doka, Kenneth J. (2002). Disenfranchised Grief: New Directions, Challenges, and Strategies for Practice: Research Press (2002)

C. Kurtz, Gary. (2008). Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates: A Book of Hope for Those Who Have Lost a Pet: Citadel.

D. Shanan, Niki Behrikis. (2007). The Rainbow Bridge: Pet Loss is Heaven’s Gain: Pete Publishing.

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Course Description Grief is a part of life and learning to grieve is learning to live. Grief expert, Norm Wright, takes coaches through helping people identify their losses and grieve them effectively. This session discusses how to grow through the changes we did not choose. Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will be able to accurately identify the type of loss their client has experienced and verbalize the loss to the client.

2. Willbe able to help their client to identify and verbalize feelings associated with

the loss.

3. Will be able to construct a plan with their client that includes specific action steps and strategies for coping with grief/loss.

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I. Introduction A. Grief Implies a Loss of Relationship

B. Faith and Grief—“Shame off you!”

C. Reality vs. Imagined Fear

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains—it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

~C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

II. Types of Loss

A. Threatened Loss

B. Continuous Loss

C. Loss of What Might Have Been

D. Loss of Face

E. Loss of Identity

F. Loss of Income

G. Loss of Freedom

H. Loss of Ministry

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“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have

sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?” ~Psalm 13:1-2 (NIV)

I. Loss of Friends

J. Functional Loss

K. Loss of Body Parts

L. Role Loss

III. Coping With the Losses We Experience A. Move into Grief Process

B. Definition of Grief 1. That intense emotional suffering that we experience following loss

2. A state of bereavement

C. Feelings Experienced in Grief 1. “Without”

2. Life as surreal

3. Distorted thinking patterns, “crazy” and/or irrational thoughts, fearful

thoughts

4. Despair and hopelessness

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5. Out of control or numbed emotions

6. Changes in sensory perceptions (sight, taste, smell, etc.)

7. Increased irritability

8. May want to talk a lot or not at all

9. Memory lags and mental “short-circuits”

10. Inability to concentrate

11. Obsessive focus on the loved one

12. Losing track of time

13. Increase or decrease of appetite and/or sexual desire

14. Difficulty falling or staying asleep

15. Dreams in which the deceased seems to visit the griever

16. Nightmares in which death themes are repeated

17. Physical illness such as the flu, headaches or other maladies

18. Shattered beliefs about life, the world, and even God

IV. Action Steps

A. Acknowledge Losses and Grief

B. Identify and Express Feelings

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C. Ball of Emotions/Grief

D. Say “Goodbye”

1. Note or letter writing

V. Scriptural Insights

A. Psalm 73:26

B. James 1:2-3

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VI. The Purpose of Loss

A. Strengthens our Faith

B. Spiritual Maturity—Christ-likeness

C. Better Ministers to Others (2 Corinthians 1)

VII. Recommended Reading

A. Eib, L. (2002). When God and cancer meet. Tyndale House Publishers.

B. Eib, L. (2006). Finding the light in cancer’s shadow: Hope, humor and healing after treatment. Tyndale House Publishers.

C. Packo, J. (1991). Coping with cancer: Twelve creative choices. Christian

Publications.

D. Sorenson, S. (2007). Praying through cancer: Set your heart free from fear (a 90 day devotional for women). Thomas Nelson Publishers.

VIII. Closing Thoughts

A. Stages of Grief—Kubler-Ross

1. Shock/Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

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5. Acceptance

B. Assessment Markers

1. Frequency

2. Intensity

3. Duration

4. Variability

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea. And I saw the holy city, new

Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, ‘Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people,

and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any

mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.’

And He who sits on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’ And He said, ‘Write, for these words are faithful and true.’"

~Revelation 21:1-5

Documents

TYPES OF LOSS MFCO 502 Module 1...Praying through cancer: Set your heart free from fear (a 90 day devotional for women). Thomas Nelson Publishers. VIII. Closing Thoughts A. Stages