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Twelfth Night

by

William Shakespeare

Abridged for the Shakespeare Schools Festival

by

Martin Lamb & Penelope Middelboe

30 MINUTE VERSION

© Shakespeare Schools Festival (SSF)

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LIST OF ROLES

Orsino

DUKE OF ILLYRIA

Valentine

GENTLEMAN ATTENDING THE DUKE

Viola

SHIP WRECKED SISTER TO SEBASTIAN, later disguised as

Cesario

Captain

OF THE WRECKED SHIP, friend to Viola

Sir Toby Belch

OLIVIA’S KINGSMAN.

Maria

MAID TO OLIVIA

Sir Andrew

Aguecheek

FRIEND TO SIR TOBY, suitor to Olivia

Olivia

A COUNTESS IN MOURNING

Malvolio

OLIVIA’S STEWARD

Antonio

A SEAMAN, friend to Sebastian

Sebastian

SHIP WRECKED BROTHER TO VIOLA.

Attendants

TO THE DUKE AND OLIVIA

Priest OLIVIA’S PRIEST

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Scene 1

Duke Orsino’s

Court

DUKE and attendants

MUSICIANS playing

DUKE If music be the food of love, play on;

Give me excess of it.

Enough; no more:

It is not so sweet now as it was before.

O spirit of love! How quick and fresh art thou,

O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first,

Methought she purged the air of pestilence!

Enter VALENTINE

How now! What news from her?1

VALENTINE So please my lord, I might not be admitted;

The element itself, til seven years’ heat,

Shall not behold her face at ample view;

To season a brother’s dead love, which she would keep fresh

And lasting in her sad rememberence.

DUKE O, she that hath a heart of that fine frame.

Away before me to sweet beds of flowers,

Love-thoughts lie rich when canopied with bowers.

Exit all

Scene 2

The Sea Coast

Enter VIOLA, a CAPTAIN, and SAILORS

VIOLA What country, friends, is this?

CAPTAIN This is Illyria, lady.

VIOLA And what should I do in Illyria?

My brother, he is in Elysium.2

Perchance he is not drown’d: what think you sailors?

1 Olivia. Throughout Valentine’s speech, it might clarify things to illustrate Olivia in a spotlight, veiled and

in mourning. 2 Greek paradise; meaning here that her brother is dead.

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CAPTAIN It is perchance that you yourself were saved

VIOLA And so perchance may he be.

CAPTAIN True madam: after our ship did split,

I saw your brother bind himself,

To a strong mast that lived upon the sea;

So long as I could see.

VIOLA [Strengthened by the news] Know’st thou this country?

CAPTAIN Ay, madam, well.

Orsino governs here.

A noble duke, in nature as in name.

VIOLA Orsino! I have heard my father name him!

CAPTAIN But a month ago ’twas fresh in murmur,

That he did seek the love of fair Olivia.

VIOLA What is she?

CAPTAIN A virtuous maid who hath abjured the company

And sight of men.

VIOLA O, that I served that lady.1

CAPTAIN That were hard to compass.

She will admit no kind of suit.

VIOLA I prithee, and I’ll pay thee bounteously,

Conceal me what I am, and be my aid.

I’ll serve this Duke:

Thou shalt present me as a young man to him:

What else may hap to time I will commit;

Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.2

CAPTAIN Be you his knave, and your mute I’ll be:

When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see.3

1 Viola’s full speech here implies that she would like to serve Olivia purely in order to buy time ’til she

knows how she herself stands. 2 Say nothing, go along with this plan, and trust in my intelligence.

3 I will be silent; if I am not, let me go blind.

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VIOLA I thank thee: lead me on.

Exit all

Scene 3

Olivia’s House

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA

MARIA By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o’ nights:

your cousin, my lady, takes great exception to your ill hours.

SIR TOBY Why, let her except, before excepted.1

MARIA Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits

of order.

SIR TOBY Confine! I’ll confine myself no finer than I am:

MARIA That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard my lady

talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish knight that you brought

in one night to be her wooer.

SIR TOBY Who? Sir Andrew Aguecheek?

He’s as tall a man as any’s in Illyria.

MARIA What’s that to the purpose?

SIR TOBY Why he has three thousand ducats a year.

And plays the viol-de-gamboys2 and speaks three or four

languages word for word.

MARIA Besides that he’s a fool, he’s a great quareller, he hath the gift

of a coward…

SIR TOBY What Wench! Here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.

Enter SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK

SIR ANDREW Sir Toby Belch!

SIR TOBY Sweet Sir Andrew!

SIR ANDREW Bless you, fair shrew

1 A legal phrase from Latin – excepting what ought to be excepted. Sir Toby makes this irrelevant mark to

quibble with Maria just as he puns on her word confine. 2 Double-bass-like string instument.

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SIR TOBY [motioning to MARIA] Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.

SIR ANDREW [momentarily confused, then grasping the idea]

Good Mistress Accost

MARIA My name is Mary, sir

SIR ANDREW Good mistress Mary Accost.

SIR TOBY You mistake knight; ‘accost’ is woo her, assail her.

SIR ANDREW By my troth, is that the meaning of ‘accost’?

MARIA [rolling her eyes and leaving them]

Fare you well, gentlemen.

SIR ANDREW Fair Lady, do you think you have fools at hand?

MARIA Sir, I have not you by the hand.

Exit MARIA

SIR TOBY [laughing] O knight, when did I see thee so put down?1

SIR ANDREW Never in your life I think. Methinks sometimes I have no

more wit that an ordinary man has; but I am a great eater of

beef and I believe than does harm to my wit.

I’ll ride home tomorrow, Sir Toby.

SIR TOBY Pourquoi2, my dear knight?

SIR ANDREW What is ‘pourquoi’?

Faith, I’ll home tomorrow, your niece will not be seen; or if

she be she’ll none of me.

SIR TOBY Tut, there’s life in it yet.

SIR ANDREW [persuaded] I’ll stay a month longer, I am a fellow of the strangest

Mind in the world. Shall we set about some revels?

Were we not born under Taurus? That’s sides and heart.3

SIR TOBY No, sir; it is legs and thighs!1 Let me see thee caper; ha!

1 So insulted, disrespected.

2 French – “Why?”

3 Each Zodiac sign was thought to influence parts of the body. (For Taurus it was in fact necks and throats).

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Higher! Ha, ha! Excellent!

Exit SIR TOBY and SIR ANDREW, kicking legs in the air

Scene 4

The Duke’s

Palace

Enter VALENTINE and VIOLA, in man’s clothing

VALENTINE If the duke continue these favours towards you, Cesario, you

are likely to be much advanced; he hath known you but three

days, and already you are no stranger.

VIOLA You either fear his humour or my negligence, that you call

in question the continuance of his love; is he inconstant in

his favours?

VALENTINE No, believe me.

Enter DUKE and Attendants

DUKE Who saw Cesario, ho?

VIOLA On your attendance, my lord; here.

DUKE Cesario, thou know’st no less but all my secret soul,

Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her;

Be not denied access, stand at her doors.

VIOLA Sure my noble lord,

If she be so abandoned to her sorrow2

She never will admit me.

DUKE Be clamourous and leap all civil bounds,

Then unfold the passion of my love,

Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith:

She will attend it better in thy youth.

VIOLA I think not so, my lord.

DUKE Dear lad, believe it;

I know thy constellation is right apt for this affair.3

1 Continuing to play on the Zodiac theme.

2 If she is so devout her mourning her brother, I won’t be allowed to see her.

3 Your appearance and manner are appropriate for convincing a lady.

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VIOLA I’ll do my best

To woo your lady: [Aside] yet, a barful strife!

Whoe’er I woo, myself would be his wife.1

Exit all

Scene 5

Olivia’s House

OLIVIA seated

Enter MARIA

MARIA Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman swears he

will speak with you.

OLIVIA Who of my kingsmen hold him in delay?

MARIA Sir Toby, madam.

OLIVIA [exasperated] O fetch him off, I pray you!

Enter SIR TOBY, drunk

OLIVIA By mine honour, half drunk.

Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by this lethargy?

SIR TOBY Lechery! I defy lechery…There’s one at the gate.

OLIVIA Ay, marry, what is he?

SIR TOBY A gentleman. ’Tis a gentleman here – a plague o’ these

pickle herring!2 How now, sot!

Enter MALVOLIO

MALVOLIO Madam, yond fellow swears he will speak with you.

OLIVIA Tell him he shall not.

MALVOLIO He has been told so.

OLIVIA What kind o’ man is he?

1 I would rather be Orsino’s wife than woo a wife for him.

2 Many ‘Sir Tobys’ have preceded the pickled herrings line with a burp, thus implying he curses the food

for giving him wind.

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MALVOLIO Why, of mankind.

OLIVIA What manner of man?

MALVOLIO Of very ill manner.

OLIVIA O you are sick of self love, Malvolio!

Let him approach. Give me my veil.

Enter VIOLA

VIOLA The honourable lady of the house, which is she?

OLIVIA Speak to me, I shall answer for her.

VIOLA Most radiant, exquisite and unmatchable…I pray you, tell me

if this be the lady of the house.

OLIVIA Whence came you sir?

VIOLA I can say little more than I have studied, and that question’s

out of my part.

OLIVIA Are you a comedian?

VIOLA No, and yet, by the very fangs of malice I swear, I am not

that I play. Are you the lady of the house?

OLIVIA [Sighs, impatiently] I am. Speak your office. Come to what

is important in’t.

VIOLA This divinity alone concerns your ear.

OLIVIA Give us this place alone, let us hear this divinity.

Exit MARIA, MALVOLIO and ATTENDANTS.

VIOLA Good madam, let me see your face.

OLIVIA [coyly] You are now out of your text but we will draw the

curtain and show you the picture. [unveiling herself]

Look you, is’t not well done?

VIOLA Excellently done, if God did all.

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OLIVIA ’Tis ingrain1, sir; twill endure wind and weather.

VIOLA ’Tis beauty truly blent.

Sweet lady,

My lord and master loves you.

OLIVIA But I cannot love him

VIOLA If I did love you in my master’s flame,

In your denial I would find no sense.

OLIVIA Why, what would you?

VIOLA Make me a willow cabin at your gate,

And call upon my soul within the house;

Sing loud even in the dead of night,

Cry out ‘Olivia’, O, you should -

OLIVIA [cutting her off] You might do much.

[intrigued] What is your parentage?

VIOLA Above my fortunes, my state is well. I am a gentleman.

OLIVIA Get you to your lord;

I cannot love him: let him send no more;

Unless, perchance, you come to me again,

To tell me how he takes it…

Fare you well.

VIOLA Fare well, fair cruelty!

Exit separately

Scene 6

The sea coast

Enter ANTONIO and SEBASTIAN

ANTONIO Will you stay no longer, Sebastian?

SEBASTIAN By your patience, no, Antonio.

ANTONIO Let me be your servant.

SEBASTIAN No, sooth, sir: my stars shine darkly over me. Some hour

before you took me from the breach of the sea was my sister

1 fixed

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drowned. A lady it was said much resembled me.

Now am I bound to the Count Orsino’s court.

ANTONIO Alas the day!

I have many enemies in Orsino’s Court,

But come what may, I will go with thee.

Scene 7

Olivia’s House

Enter SIR TOBY and SIR ANDREW drunk

SIR ANDREW Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling!

SIR TOBY Come on, let’s have a song!

SIR ANDREW Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?

SIR TOBY A love-song, a love-song!

SIR ANDREW Ay, I care not for good life.

(sings) What is love? ’tis not hereafter

Present mirth hath present laughter –

Enter MARIA

MARIA What a caterwauling do you keep here! My lady has called

up her steward Malvolio!

SIR TOBY Malvolio’s a peg-a-ramsey1 -

MARIA For the love o’ God, peace!

Enter MALVOLIO

MALVOLIO Are you mad? Have you no wit nor manners?

SIR TOBY Out o’ tune, sir. Art any more than a steward?

MALVOLIO [affronted, now to MARIA] If you prized my mistress’ favour at

anything more than contempt, you would not give means for this

uncivil rule: she shall know of it, by this hand.

Exit MALVOLIO

1 A prude – someone very keen on ‘proper behaviour’, especially in moral and sexual matters.

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MARIA O, an affectioned ass,

[scheming] I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of

love. I can write very like my lady, your niece.

SIR TOBY Excellent! He shall think that she’s in love with him.

SIR ANDREW Before me, she’s a good wench.

SIR TOBY True bred, and one that adores me; what o’ that?

SIR ANDREW I was adored once too…

Exit all

Scene 8

The Duke’s

palace

DUKE and VIOLA seated

MUSICIANS playing

DUKE Give me some music. How dost thou like this tune?

VIOLA It gives a very echo to the seat where love is throned.

DUKE [intrigued] My life upon’t, thine eye

Hath strayed upon some favour that it loves! 1

What kind of woman is it?

VIOLA Of your complexion, and about your years, my lord.

DUKE Too old, by heaven.

For women are as roses, whose fair flower,

Being once display’d doth fall that very hour.

VIOLA And so they are: alas, that they are so;

To die, even when they to perfection grow!

DUKE Once more, Cesario,

Get thee to yond same soveriegn cruelty:

Tell her my love, more noble than the world -

VIOLA But if she cannot love you, sir?

DUKE I cannot be so answer’d.

1 You have seen someone and fallen in love.

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VIOLA Sooth, but you must

Say that some lady hath for your love as great a pang of heart

As you for Olivia…

DUKE There is no woman’s heart

So big, to hold so much; they lack retention.

VIOLA Ay, but I know.

DUKE What dost thou know?

VIOLA Too well what love women to men may owe.

My father had a daughter loved a man,

As it might be, perhaps, were I a woman,

I should love your lordship.

She never told her love

But let concealment, like a worm i’ the bud,

Feed on her damasked cheek.

She sat like patience on a monument,1

Smiling at grief. Was this not love indeed?

We men may say more, swear more: but indeed

We prove much in our vows, but little in our love.

DUKE But died your sister of her love, my boy?

VIOLA I am all the daughters of my father’s house ,

And all the brothers too: and yet I know not.

Sir, I shall to this lady.

Exit separately

Scene 9

Olivia’s garden

Enter SIR TOBY, MARIA and SIR ANDREW

MARIA [throwing down a letter] Get ye all into the box-tree: 2

Malvolio’s coming down this Walk!

All hide. Enter MALVOLIO

MALVOLIO What employment do we have here?

1 Referring to statues of the allegorical figure of Patience which often adorned Renaissance tombs. She

depicts herself as bearing a love that is, unlike the Duke’s, patient, silent, and eternally enduring. 2 Hedge

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[picks up the letter]

By my life this is my lady’s hand

[reading]

“To the unknown beloved, this and my good wishes”

’Tis my lady, to whom should this be?

“Jove knows I love:

But who?

Lips, do not move;

no man must know

But silence like a Lucrece knife,1

M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.”

M, why that begins my name! Every one of these letters are in my

name!

[reading]

“I am above thee, but be not afraid of greatness: some are born great,

some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ‘em.

Appear fresh, be opposite, surly, remember who commended thy

yellow stockings, and wished to see thee ever cross-gartered: Go to,

thou art made, if thou desirest to be so.”

My lady loves me! She did commend my yellow stockings of late.

“If thou entertainest my love, I prithee, let it appear in thy smiling;

smiles become thee well”

[smiles a wide and awkward smile]

I will do everything thou wilt have me.

Exit MALVOLIO, laughing. The conspirators emerge

shaking with laughter.

SIR TOBY I could marry this wench for this device!

Exit MARIA, laughing. As they go SIR ANDREW and

SIR TOBY catch sight of the oncoming OLIVIA and

VIOLA and hide themselves.

Scene 10

Olivia’s garden

Enter VIOLA and OLIVIA in conversation

VIOLA Most excellent and accomplished lady, the heavens rain -

OLIVIA O, by your leave Cesario,

I bade you never speak again of him.

VIOLA You’ll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?

1 The Roman matron, Lucretia, stabbed herself after her dishonour by Sextus Tarquinus led to the downfall

of the Roman monarchy. Lucrece = Lucrece’s = Lucretia’s

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OLIVIA Cesario, by the roses of the spring,

By maidenhood, honour, truth and every thing,

I love thee.

VIOLA By innocence I swear, and by my youth,

I have one heart, one bosom and one truth,

And that no woman has; nor never none

Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.

And so adieu good madam.

Exit VIOLA

OLIVIA Yet come again!

SIR TOBY [Still hidden, to SIR ANDREW, consolingly]

She did show favour to the youth only to…wake your dormouse

valour, to put fire in your heart! Challenge the count’s youth to fight

with him! My niece shall take note of it, assure thyself.

Exit separately

SCENE 11

A street

Enter SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO

SEBASTIAN I would not by my will have troubled you.

My kind Antonio,

I can no other answer make but thanks,

Shall we go and see the reliques of this town?

ANTONIO Would you’d pardon me;

I do not without danger walk these streets:

If I be lapsed1 in this place, I shall pay dear.

SEBASTIAN Do not walk then, too open.

ANTONIO It doth fit me. Hold sir, here’s my purse.

Haply your eye may light upon some toy

You have desire to purchase.

At the Elephant it is best to lodge.

SEBASTIAN I’ll be your purse bearer and leave you for an hour.

ANTONIO To the Elephant.

1 arrested

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SEBASTIAN I do remember.

Exit SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO, separately.

Scene 12

Olivia’s garden

OLIVIA walks alone

OLIVIA [Lovesick and sighing]

Where is Malvolio? He is sad and civil,

And suits well with my fortunes.

Enter MALVOLIO, with riotously yellow stockings and

skinny, cross-gartered legs.

MALVOLIO Sweet lady, ho ho!

OLIVIA Smilest thou? I sent for thee on sad occasion.

MALVOLIO Sad, lady! I could be sad, this [indicating the restrictive

clothing] does make some obstruction in the blood.

OLIVIA What is the matter with thee? Wilt thou go to bed?

MALVOLIO To bed! Ay, sweet-heart, and I’ll come to thee.

MARIA Why appear you with such ridiculous boldness before

my lady?

MALVOLIO [attempting to embrace Olivia]

“Be not afraid of greatness” -

OLIVIA [pushing him away] What meanest thou by that?

MALVOLIO [pursuing] “Some are born great” –

OLIVIA [Throwing him off] Ha!

MALVOLIO [unperturbed] “Some achieve greatness” –

OLIVIA What sayest thou?

MALVOLIO [thrusting himself towards her]

“And some have greatness thrust upon them!”

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OLIVIA [dodging out of the way as MALVOLIO falls forward]

Heaven restore thee!

MALVOLIO [from the floor]

“Remember who commended thy yellow stockings!”

OLIVIA Maria! This is madness, Where’s my cousin Toby, let this

fellow be looked to.

Exit OLIVIA. Enter SIR TOBY and SIR ANDREW who

pick up the bewildered MALVOLIO

MARIA Come, we’ll have him in a dark room and bound.

Exit all

Scene 13

Olivia’s garden

ENTER VIOLA in OLIVIA in conversation

OLIVIA [somewhat defeated]

Well, come again tomorrow. Fare thee well!

Exit OLIVIA, enter SIR TOBY, opposite.

SIR TOBY [grandly] Gentleman, God save thee.

VIOLA And to you, sir.

SIR TOBY Dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation1, for thy

assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.

VIOLA You mistake sir, I am sure no man hath quarrel to me.

SIR TOBY You’ll find otherwise, I assure you. Betake you to your guard;

For your opposite hath in him strength, skill and wrath.

VIOLA I pray you sir, what is he?

SIR TOBY He is knight, but he is a devil in private brawl.

VIOLA I am no fighter. This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you to

know what my offence is to him.

SIR TOBY I will do so.

1 Draw your sword and prepare quickly.

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Enter SIR ANDREW, stage right. SIR TOBY crosses to

meet him.

Why, man, he’s a very devil! They say he has been fencer to the

Sophy.1

SIR ANDREW [worried] Pox on’t, I’ll not meddle with him.

SIR TOBY Ay, but he’ll not now be pacified.

SIR ANDREW Let him the matter slip2 – I’ll give him my horse.

SIR TOBY I’ll make the motion

Crossing the stage to VIOLA

[aside] I’ll ride your horse as well as I ride you.

[to VIOLA] There’s no remedy, sir; he will fight you for

oath’s sake. Therefore draw, he protests he will not hurt you.

VIOLA Pray God defend me! A little thing would make me tell how

much I lack of a man.3

SIR TOBY Crossing to SIR ANDREW

There’s no remedy; the gentleman will, for his honour’s sake, have

one bout with you. But he has promised he will not hurt you.

SIR ANDREW [Scared] Pray god he keep his oath!

They draw swords. Enter ANTONIO, drawing his sword.

ANTONIO4 If this man have done offence, I take the fault on me:

If you offend him, I for him defy you.

SIR TOBY You sir! Why, what are you? If you be an undertaker, I am

For you.

They draw. Enter Officers

FIRST OFFICER This is the man; do thy office.

SECOND

OFFICER

Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino

1 A Persian ruler.

2 Let him forget the whole thing.

3 A little thing like a fight would prove me to be a woman instantly!

4 He is defending the person he believes to be Sebastian.

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ANTONIO You do mistake me sir.

FIRST OFFICER No, not a jot. Take him away, he knows I know him well.

ANTONIO [to VIOLA] This comes with seeking you.

Now my necessity makes me ask you for my purse.

You stand amazed; but be of comfort.

I must entreat you some of that money.

VIOLA What money, sir?

ANTONIO Will you deny me now?

As to upbraid you with those kindnesses

That I have done for you.

VIOLA I know of none;

Nor know I you by voice or any feature.

ANTONIO O heavens themselves!

SECOND

OFFICER

Come, sir, I pray you, go.

ANTONIO [As he is led off]

But O how vile an idol proves this god!

Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.1

FIRST OFFICER He grows mad, come, sir.

Exit ANTONIO with OFFICERS.

VIOLA He named Sebastian, my brother.

O, if it prove,

Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.

Exit VIOLA

SIR TOBY A coward

SIR ANDREW [believing SIR TOBY and gaining courage]

’Slid2, I’ll after him again and beat him

SIR TOBY Do. Cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.

1 Betrayed your good nature and fair appearance.

2 By God

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Let’s see the event.

Exit SIR ANDREW and SIR TOBY

Scene 14

Before Olivia’s

House

MARIA attempts to persuade SEBASTIAN to visit her mistress

MARIA Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?1

SEBASTIAN Go to, go to, thou art a foolish maid.

MARIA Well held out in faith! [sarcastically]

No, I do not know you; nor am I not sent to you by my lady;

nor your name is not Master Cesario; nor this is not my nose

neither.

SEBASTIAN Go vent thy folly somewhere else: Thou know’st not me.

Enter SIR ANDREW and SIR TOBY2

SIR ANDREW Now, sir, have I met you again? [taking a swipe at

SEBASTIAN] There’s for you.

SEBASTIAN [hitting back] Why there’s for thee, and there and there.

Are all the people mad?

MARIA This I will tell my lady straight.

Exit MARIA, returning with OLIVIA as the men

continue to fight.

OLIVIA Hold3 Toby! On thy life I charge thee, hold!

SIR TOBY Madam!

OLIVIA Out of my sight! Be not offended dear Cesario.

I prithee, gentle friend, go with me to my house

That thou thereby mayst smile at this.4

SEBASTIAN [taken with Olivia’s beauty] What relish is this?

1 Olivia has sent Maria to find Cesario and has mistaken Sebastian for him.

2 Who mistake Sebastian for Cesario and wish to continue the fight.

3 Stop!

4 Come away so we can laugh about this!

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Or am I mad, or else this is a dream.

If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep.

OLIVIA Come, would thou’lst be ruled by me.1

SEBASTIAN Madam, I will.

OLIVIA O, say so, and so be!

Exit OLIVIA leading a love-struck SEBASTIAN, and

leaving the bewildered SIRs TOBY and ANDREW.

Scene 15

Olivia’s House

[It is suggested that such a short scene be played in an isolating

SPOTLIGHT, downstage, that the next scene may be commenced

immediately.]

OLIVIA and SEBASTIAN, in the presence of PRIEST,

exchange rings and kiss.

SEBASTIAN I’ll follow this good man, and go with you;

And, having sworn truth, ever will be true.

Scene 16

Before Olivia’s

House

DUKE, VIOLA, VALENTINE and ATTENDANTS sit.

Enter OFFICERS with ANTONIO

FIRST OFFICER Orsino, this is that Antonio.

VIOLA [recognising him] He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side.

DUKE [to ANTONIO] Notable Pirate! Thou salt-water thief!

ANTONIO Orsino, noble sir,

That most ungrateful boy there by your side2

From the rude sea’s enraged mouth did I redeem.

For his sake, did I expose myself;

Drew to defend him, where being apprehended,

Did he deny me mine own purse,

Which I had recommended to his use

1 I wish you would love me.

2 Viola, whom he thinks is Sebastian

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Not half an hour before.

VIOLA How can this be?

DUKE When came he to this town?

ANTONIO To-day my lord, and for three months before,

Both day and night did we keep company.

Enter OLIVIA, MARIA and ATTENDANTS

DUKE Three months this youth hath tended upon me;

[to officers] Take him aside.

OLIVIA What do you say Cesario?

VIOLA My lord would speak.

OLIVIA If it aught to the old tune, my lord,

It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear

As howling. 1

DUKE Still so cruel?

OLIVIA Still so constant?

DUKE You uncivil lady.

DUKE notices OLIVIA’s attempts to catch VIOLA’s eye

And reads betrayal.

DUKE Come boy, with me;

I’ll sacrifice the lamb that I do love

To spite a raven’s heart within a dove.2

VIOLA And I, most willingly, a thousand deaths would die.

OLIVIA Where goes Cesario?

VIOLA After him I love.

OLIVIA Ay me, detested! How am I beguiled!

Cesario, husband, stay!

1 If you will talk about how much you love me again, it is an unbearable noise.

2 Realising that Olivia loves Cesario, Duke declares that he will remove Cesario, the ‘lamb’ who he so

appreciates, in order to spite Olivia, an ugly ‘raven’ disguised as a beautiful ‘dove’.

23

DUKE Husband?

VIOLA No, my lord, not I.

ENTER PRIEST

OLIVIA Father I charge thee! What dost thou know

Hath newly passed between this youth and me.

PRIEST A contract of eternal bond of love.

Since but two hours.

DUKE O thou dissembling cub!1

VIOLA My lord I do protest!

Enter SIR ANDREW, haggard and out of breath.

SIR ANDREW For the love of god, a surgeon! Send one to Sir Toby!

He has broke my head across and has given Sir Toby a bloody

cox-comb2 too.

OLIVIA Who has done this, Sir Andrew?

SIR ANDREW One Cesario, we took him for a coward….

God’s lifeling’s, here he is!

VIOLA Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you.

SIR ANDREW If a bloody cox-comb be a hurt you have hurt me!

OLIVIA Get him to bed. Let his hurt be look’d to.

Exit SIR ANDREW with ATTENDANTS. Enter

SEBASTIAN

SEBASTIAN I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kingsman.

DUKE [looking from SEBASTIAN to VIOLA]

One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons!

SEBASTIAN Antonio, O my dear Antonio.

1 The Duke is outraged and by his friend and servant’s betrayal.

2 Head injury.

24

ANTONIO Sebastian, are you? How have you made a division of

yourself?

OLIVIA Most wonderful!

SEBASTIAN Do I stand there? I never had a brother.

I had a sister. Were you a woman,

I should my tears let fall upon your cheek,

And say ‘Thrice welcome, drowned Viola!’

VIOLA Sebastian was my father;

Such a Sebastian was my brother too,

I am Viola; which to confirm,

I’ll bring you to a captain where lie my maiden weeds1.

VIOLA and SEBASTIAN embrace

DUKE [to Viola] Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times

Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.

VIOLA And all those sayings will I over-swear.

DUKE Give me thy hand, and let me see thee in thy woman’s weeds.

Enter MALVOLIO struggling with SIR TOBY and captors

and brandishing a letter.

MALVOLIO By the lord, Madam, you do me wrong and the world shall

know it. I have your own letter that induced me to the

semblance I put on.

OLIVIA [having read the letter]

Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,

’Tis Maria’s hand.

Alas, poor fool, how they have baffled thee!

MALVOLIO [Mutinous, stalking towards SIR TOBY]

I’ll be revenged upon the whole pack of you!

Exit frightened ATTENDANTS, followed by

MALVOLIO. Exit DUKE and VIOLA, and OLIVIA and

SEBASTIAN, hand in hand, and laughing. MARIA and

SIR TOBY consider the scene and exchange mischievous

glances.

1 My female clothing.

25

MARIA &

SIR TOBY

[Innocently] Why, some are born great,

Some achieve greatness,

And some have greatness thrust upon them!

SIR TOBY picks MARIA up and throws her over his

shoulder to squeals of delight and exits.

THE END