MODULE 6 TELEVISION TRANSCRIPTS

1 HOLIDAY TIME

A LET'S TAKE A HOLIDAY! Agent Good morning. Can I help you?

Valerie Yes, we'd like to go on holiday. Agent Well, you've come to the right place! What kind

of holiday are you interested in? Valerie We're not sure. We’ve just decided that we want

to go on holiday. We need a break. Agent Europe? The Far East? Or do you prefer America?

The Seychelles or Torquay? Valerie We'd rather go to Spain.

Agent Spain? Why do you want to go to Spain? Valerie Because we like the sunshine and the people and

the language and the food ... Agent OK. OK. Fine. You're the customer. It's your

holiday. Now what sort of holiday? Do you prefer beach holidays to activity holidays? Would you rather have a hotel or a self-catering apartment.

Valerie We want a hotel by the beach. Agent I see. And how long do you want to go for?

Bernard A few days. Valerie Ten days. Valerie

Bernard A week.

Agent Perhaps it would be better to stay in England. In Torquay, in the west of England, it can be very sunny in July - up to thirty degrees. They say it has reached thirty-three ... although I can't guarantee it, of course.

Valerie But we want to go to Spain. Agent You don't want to go to Spain by air. Not next

week. There will be flight delays. At this time of year, the air traffic controllers all go on strike. Heathrow is full of screaming children. Going on holiday abroad can be a nightmare. I wouldn't advise it.

Valerie What kind of travel agent are you? Agent I'm a friendly travel agent and I would advise

Torquay. Bernard Torquay ...

Agent Ah, Torquay! There are beautiful, sandy beaches, clean beaches! Very nice restaurants. One of the best things about Torquay is ...

*** Agent ... is that it is close to Brixham.

Valerie So what? Agent Fresh fish, that's what. Fresh fish every day, off

the fishing boats. Do you like fresh fish? Bernard Yes!

Agent Then go to Torquay. Valerie If all I wanted on holiday was fresh fish, I

wouldn't go to Torquay, I'd go to Brixham. Agent You're right. The fish is fresher in Brixham ... but

unfortunately all vacancies in Brixham have gone.Valerie Why do you insist that we should go to Torquay?

Agent Oh, was I insisting? Well, it's because I always go there for my holidays.

Valerie I don't want to go to Torquay. Agent Have you ever been there?

Valerie No. Agent Well, you could just be lucky . . . Mind you, most

places are fully booked at the moment. Bernard I've never been to Torquay. We could go by train.

Valerie No, Bernard. He's mad. Agent Oh, no, no, no, no, no! This is terrible! I can't

believe it! Bernard What's the matter?

Agent Everything is booked up. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Valerie Come on, Bernard. We're wasting our time.

Agent Just a minute. There might be one possibility here. Yes! My, word! You are a lucky couple.

Bernard I'm sorry? Agent Shangrila! How perfect!

Valerie What? Agent It's a guest house in Torquay. Mrs Chambers -

that's the landlady - has just had a cancellation for next week. What good luck! It's bed and breakfast. It's terrific value -just ten pounds a night per person.

Bernard That's reasonable. Agent A traditional English cooked breakfast. Can't you

smell the bacon and eggs and grilled tomatoes? Valerie I want more than a good breakfast.

Agent Yes, of course you do. You want an ice-cream! Bernard What facilities does Mrs Chambers' guest house

have? Agent You would have your very own wash basin which

would, of course. be en suite. In the residents' lounge, there is a television with full colour.

*** Agent Have a good time . You'll love it. Bye ... Mum?

Guess what. I have a very nice couple coming to stay with you next week. Mr and Mrs Wilson. Now, Mum, these are important customers ...

B SUNSHINE ALL THE WAY

Street interviews Mrs Addison Oh, the weather was really marvellous. It

was sunshine all the way, and we did enjoy it.

Lin On my last holiday, I went to New England in America, and it rained all the time. The weather was really dreadful.

David The weather on my last holiday was terrible. It rained every day.

Sara The last holiday I had in fact was a couple of weeks ago in Devon, which was rainy and horrible. I wish I could have gone on a nice,

sunny beach. Melissa We went to a holiday camp; and the weather

was all right.

Don't make me laugh! Danny Thank you. Thank you very much. Do you like

travelling? My wife - she likes travelling. She'd rather travel than do anything else. So, when she said she wanted to see the world....

Man You bought her a map! Danny Oh, you've heard that joke before. Never mind! Yes,

I bought her a map. The old jokes are the best jokes. When I go on holiday, I like to forget my worries, forget my problems - I like to forget everything. Yes, but unfortunately, when I arrive at my hotel and open my suitcase, I find that I have forgotten. everything. No? When I arrive at my hotel and open my suitcase, I find that I have forgotten everything. My wife prefers a 'cultural' holiday to a beach holiday. Oh, yes, she's very sophisticated ... Well, I used to think she was very sophisticated. This year, I asked her, 'Would you like a book for your birthday?' 'No, thank you,' she said. 'Why not?' 'Because I've already got one.' Oh, never mind. Anyway, my wife and I decided to go to Venice this year for a 'cultural' holiday. Yes, Venice. Have you been there? To Venice? In Italy? Yes? You have? It isn't a bad place, is it? It's not very modern, but the ice-cream is excellent. While we were in Venice, the weather was beautiful. It was sunny every day. But we only stayed for a few days. Why? Because the city was full of water! There was water everywhere. We had to travel everywhere by boat. It was very strange! My wife was sea-sick crossing the street. My wife was sea-sick, crossing the street. Oh, well, please yourselves. Anyway, it's time for a song. Music, maestro!

The ad spot Voiceover Here are the Ackroyds. That's Mr Ackroyd.

He looks tired, doesn't he? He's worked very hard in his office all year. And there's Mrs Ackroyd. They need a good holiday.

Mr Ackroyd A good holiday. That's what we need - a good holiday.

Voiceover Yes, relax. That's it. Oh, what fun. Mrs Ackroyd Let's go to a beach - a lovely, sandy beach.

Voiceover Don't forget your chairs . . . And the sand-wiches ... An~ the tea ... And the bucket and spade ... And the beach ball.

Mrs Ackroyd And the sun cream? Mr Ackroyd Oh, you won't need sun cream. And you

won't need those sunglasses. Mrs Ackroyd Now we're ready to have fun. Mr Ackroyd Maybe we ought to take an umbrella.

Voiceover No. You have forgotten something. The new Cromer windbreaker. That's it. The new Cromer windbreaker - for the North-Sea winds. You won't get cold with the Cromer windbreaker. That's it. Two people can easily carry the new Cromer windbreaker. Now you

are ready for the beach. Mr Ackroyd

Mrs AckroydYes, we prefer the new Cromer windbreaker. Because, in Great Britain we have to be prepared for all types of weather.

Street interviews Keith I'd rather go on a touring holiday, because I

don't like spending too much time in the sun-shine.

Mrs Addison I'd rather go on a touring holiday, I think. Somewhere where we can see something different, rather than just sunshine.

Marcella I'd prefer to go on a sunshine holiday and do some sunbathing.

Frank I'd prefer to go on a touring holiday where I can experience the culture of the country and meet the people.

Sara I prefer sunshine holidays. The English weather is so bad. It's always raining, and it's really nice to go and lie on a nice, hot, sunny beach.

Song time The Costa Torquay It can be windy on the Isle of Capri. It's always busy and noisy in Paree. We think it's a bit too Italian in Rome. We'd rather be somewhere closer to home ...

Come to the Costa Torquay. It's by the sea. You can stroll arm in arm, In the shade of the palms, On the Costa Torquay.

There are too many French in Calais. Jamaica is much too far away. It's too cold in Sweden, it's too hot in Spain. No, we prefer Devon - you can get there by train.

Come to the Costa Torquay. I love B&B! You can sing, you can dance, You can look for romance. It's much nicer than France, On the Costa Torquay.

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO): This is Dublin, the capital of Ireland. Sara (VO): And this is the Liffey, the river that flows

through Dublin and divides it into two: the north and the south.

Gary (VO) Dublin's modern Irish name, Baile Atha Cliath, is a reference to an old bridge over the Liffey, and it reflects the importance of the river for Dublin.

Sara (VO) Unfortunately the Irish language in Dublin is present in little more than car plates or street signs.

Gary (VO) Across O'Connell Bridge towards the south is Trinity College, founded by Elizabeth the First of England.

Sara (VO) Inside Trinity College is the beautiful Old

Library, with some of the oldest Irish manuscripts.

Gary (VO) Opposite Trinity College is the Bank of Ireland, originally built as the seat of the Irish Parliament.

Sara (VO) And nearby is Dublin Castle, the symbol of English power in Ireland. The English viceroys lived there for many centuries.

Gary (VO) The English left many things in Ireland: their language and their architecture.

Sara (VO) Dublin is a city full of life, with over two thousand pubs where you can sing, dance and talk over a pint of Guinness, the fa-mous Irish dark beer.

Sara (VO) It's also very pleasant to go for a walk around the popular Moore Street Market.

Gary (VO) Dubliners are friendly people, always ready to engage in conversation.

Street seller Anyone there for tobacco? Anyone there for tobacco? Anyone there...?

Interviewer (VO) Excuse me, where do you come from? Street seller Dublin.

Interviewer (VO) Dublin! Mmm. Would you recommend Spanish tourists to come to Ireland?

Street seller I would, certainly. Interviewer (VO) Why?

Street seller Because our part of it is friendly and it's nice for tourists, and the country prefe-rably for the scenery.

Interviewer (VO) So, what part of Ireland would you recommend to tourists?

Street seller Killarney, Donegal, Wexford. Interviewer (VO) That's the country, is that right?

Street seller Oh, there's lots of parts. Gary (VO) Following her advice, we travelled to the

Ring of Kerry, an area in the southwest. Sara (VO) This part of Ireland, surrounded by high

mountains, is unspoiled, with beautiful lakes and rivers. The weather here is very mild all year round, with temperatures between 8 and 16 degrees Centigrade. There are lots of routes you can take: on foot ... by bicycle ... by boat ... on horse-back or in a horse-drawn carriage. It's not surprising that the Ring of Kerry, with its typical picturesque villages, attracts thousands of tourists, who come to this part of Ireland looking for beautiful scenery or a relaxing holiday.

2 FOOD AND DIET

A A TEASPOONFUL OF CHILLI Rosie George wanted to know if I could cook.

Valerie Oh, dear. What did you say? Rosie I told him I could cook.

Valerie Why? Rosie I didn't want to tell him the truth. George loves

food. He talks about food all the time. He's passionate about it. He loves oysters.

Valerie So do I. Rosie Yuk. They're disgusting. George would be so disap-

pointed if he knew I couldn't cook. So I told him I was a brilliant cook.

Valerie Why did you lie? Rosie To please him.

Valerie He's going to find out sooner or later. Rosie He's going to find out next Friday.

Valerie How? Rosie He's coming round to my place for a meal.

Valerie Oh, no! Rosie Yes. When I boasted about my cooking, he got very

excited. He said he had to taste my speciality. Valerie What's your speciality?

Rosie I don't have one. You know my favourite dish. Valerie Sausages with mashed potatoes.

Rosie Yes, and I can't give George sausages with mashed potato. Valerie, you have got to help me.

Valerie You have to tell George the truth. Rosie Never! Valerie, you've got to help me, please.

You've got to teach me to cook. Valerie You can teach yourself. There are lots of good

cookery books. ***

Rosie What were you going to suggest, then? Valerie Why don't you cook for George at our house? I

know a dish that will drive him wild. I got the recipe when I was on holiday in France.

Rosie I'm not going to cook snails or expensive French food!

Valerie No, don't worry. This dish doesn't cost very much, it tastes delicious and it's easy to cook. But you'll need to buy the ingredients.

Rosie Ok. I'll just get a pen and write them down. Valerie You want two fillets of white fish.

Rosie Two fillets of white fish. What kind of white fish? Valerie Fillets of cod will be fine. But you must make sure

that the fish is fresh. Rosie Fresh fillets of cod.

Valerie Half a medium-sized onion. Rosie Half a medium-sized onion.

Valerie A hundred grams of flour. Rosie How much flour?

Valerie A hundred grams. Rosie What's that in ounces?

Valerie I don't know. You'll have to look it up. One teaspoonful of chilli sauce.

Rosie Hang on. Could you go a bit more slowly, please? Valerie A hundred grams of chopped green peppers. George Hello, Valerie. I've run out of basil, so I've come to

buy some. Valerie You could have taken some from the garden. We've

got lots. George Hi, Rosie, what are you doing here?

Rosie I'm just buying the ingredients for Friday. George I'm really looking forward to tasting your

speciality. Rosie Mmm! You'll love it!

***

Valerie Oh, when you're cooking the sauce, you must taste it. It may need a pinch of salt or pepper ...

Rosie I mix the butter with the flour and put the five teaspoons of chilli with the chopped tomatoes ... four ... five ... and add the purée.

George Hello, Rosie. Rosie George, you re early!

George I'm hungry. I'm so excited about this meal. You know, this morning I didn't have any breakfast.

Rosie George, I don't want you to watch. It'll make me nervous. Have a drink.

George Of course. A good chef must have room to breathe. You must have space to create.

Rosie Add the bay leaf ... pour on the wine mixed with water ... and add the chilli ...

George You know, my last girlfriend didn't have any interest in food. Oh, and she hated oysters. Do you like oysters?

Rosie I love them. Yes, they're so delicious with frogs' legs ... Mmmm. That's delicious. You'll love this ...

George Mmm! That must be good. ***

George Are you all right? Rosie Yes. I'm all right now.

George Good. Look, why don't we go out to eat? Rosie Yes.

George A nice, cold bottle of champagne might help to cool your mouth.

Rosie Oh. yes. George And some oysters. I know just the place to get the

most beautiful oysters you could imagine.

B OYSTERS AND CHAMPAGNE

Street interviews David I think a Spanish person coming to Britain

should certainly try fish and chips. Mr Addison I would recommend to order fish and chips.

It's eaten all over the world, and certainly all over England.

Frank I'd recommend a casserole with lots of meat and vegetables.

Sara I would recommend that a Spanish visitor tries our Yorkshire pudding and roast beef and roast potatoes.

Keith I recommend fish and chips - very tasty.

Don't make me laugh! Danny Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Do

you like drama? You do? You like drama? History? Comedy? Tragedy? You do? Then you will love my wife's cooking. Yes, her cooking is a tragedy. Her cooking - it's so bad that it's a tragedy! No, but seriously, my wife's a wonderful woman. But the first time I saw her in the kitchen, I knew she wasn't a good cook. She was trying to open an egg with a tin opener. She was trying to open an egg with a tin opener! And I will never forget the day that she boiled some eggs in water, and then served the water as chicken soup! She boiled the eggs in water and then served the water as chicken soup. Oh,

never mind. But my wife - I knew that she wasn't a food lover. She gave me a fork to eat the soup. A fork! She gave me a fork to eat the soup! I always say to her, 'Darling, what's this on my plate?' She says, 'Why do you want to know?' I say, 'Because I may have to describe it to my doctor later!' Every time she cooks a new recipe, I get a new prescription from my doctor. Yes, a new prescription from my doctor. But I love cooking. Yes, I do! All my family are good cooks. My Uncle Bert is a fanatical cook. He even puts salt and pepper on his toothpaste! He even puts salt and pepper on his toothpaste! Thank you! Thank you! You've been a wonderful audience! Thank you very much.

The ad spot Voiceover This man is a successful accountant. But today

men need to learn to cook, because women are going out to work. Ah, he's found the note. Most British men can't cook. But it isn't difficult with Mr Beeton's Cook Book. First of all, you have to find the kitchen. Yes, that's the kitchen. You cook food in the kitchen. Now today we're going to start with something simple. Yes, we're going to make an omelette and chips. First of all, we need some potatoes. Yes, well done. That's a potato. No, no, no. Don't do that. You have to peel potatoes and cook them before you eat them. Now you need a few eggs. They're kept in the fridge. No, the fridge is that cold place in the corner. That's good. No, put that beer back in the fridge. We don't need beer to make an omelette, do we? Now, take out the eggs. That's it. Now take a frying pan. No, that's a spatula. That's it. And now pour a tablespoonful of oil into the frying pan. Well done! That wasn't too difficult, was it?

Wife Hello, darling. This food looks good. Well done. You see, it really is easy for men to cook with Mr Beeton's Cook Book.

Street interviews Sara I don't do any cooking. My partner does all

the cooking in our household. Mr Saunders I cooked a pasta only last night. It was,

basically, put the pasta in the saucepan, put some water to it and boil it up, put some garlic and some onion into a saucepan and a bit of tomato sauce, heat that up and mix them together - very nice meal.

Rowshon Toast the bread and put some cheese on it ... I don't know!

Marcella The easiest recipe I know is jacket potato, where you scrub the skin, pop it in the oven for about an hour and a half, take it out, butter it and eat it.

Song time Oysters and champagne He takes my coat, then takes my hand, 'Arc you hungry?' I say, 'Yes'.

He whispers, 'Close your eyes, it's something special, try to guess’. I taste it once, I taste it twice, a little salt, some spice, A pinch of herbs, a drop of wine. What is it? Something nice.

It isn't oysters and champagne, It is delicious, but not oysters and champagne. The kind of dish that makes you think of sunny Spain, Or Paris in the rain.

It isn't oysters and champagne, My only wish is 'let me taste that dish again'. I want the recipe, so tell me, what's its name? Give me more of the same, Though it's not oysters and champagne. No, it's not oysters and champagne.

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) British cuisine doesn't have a very good

reputation. Most visitors to the United Kingdom think British food is boring and not very tasty. If you ask them for the name of a typical British dish, most of them will only say 'fish and chips'.

Gary (VO) Fortunately, this is not the only British dish. The British are beginning to take more and more care of what they eat, and in the last few years a number of good restaurants have opened with some really delicious traditional dishes.

Sara (VO) We asked an expert gastronome, Fiona Burrel, why British cuisine isn't as well-known as that of other European countries.

Fiona Burrel I think because in the last century a lot of French chefs came over to work in Britain, and they worked in the large houses, and they worked in hotels. And they brought with them French cuisine, so for many years the typical cuisine or cooking that you would get in Britain, in the large grand houses or in restaurants, hotels, would be French. Then in..., during the Second World War, in the 1940s, early 1940s, there was very little food around for the people to eat and they had to make the most of what they had, and they had very poor food. They had to cook it for a long time to extract every bit of goodness from it. And so they really forgot how to cook. There is very good British food around, and in the last twenty years it's becoming much, much better. The restaurants are getting very good and people at home are becoming more interested in food and cooking. So I would say it's changing quite a lot now.

Gary (VO) Fiona Burrel is the principal of 'Leith's School', a private school that trains the future gourmets of British cuisine.

Sara (VO) As Fiona Burrel said, in the last few years the British, especially the young, have become interested in good food. That's why this type of

school has more students every year. Gary (VO) The students can take different courses: a

three-month course on a concrete topic, or a one-year course which prepares the students for various jobs in restaurants.

Sara (VO) In these courses, the students learn how to choose food for its quality, the right type of wine for each dish, and, of course, how to prepare different dishes.

Gary (VO) But they don't only learn theory. They also practise. The school has a fully equipped kitchen where the students can practise what they've learned in the classes and prepare their own dishes. That way, the students learn to appreciate good-quality food, and have a good time looking for new flavours and creating new dishes, or simply learning how to cook their favourite dishes.

Sara (VO) We asked Wendy, a student at Leith's School, why she's interested in cooking.

Wendy I love food. I think cooking is a very creative career. And I like trying new recipes. And, of course, I like to eat the food.

Gary (VO) We also asked Wendy to tell us what her favourite cuisine is and why.

Wendy I like all nationalities. I think every country has something interesting. But my favourite food is Italian, mainly because they use local produce. I love pasta and it makes me think of the sunshine.

Sara (VO) But the best thing about Leith's School is that the students can 'eat the exercises'.

Gary (VO) This is good proof that learning is not only food for the spirit, but also for the body.

3 GOSSIP

A YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE IT! George Do you remember the first time you met old

Victor Knowles? It was very funny. It happened the day after you cooked a meal . . .

*** George Hello, Valerie. Valerie George! George For you! Valerie Oh, thank you. George No, thank you for the meal last night. It was

fantastic. I wish Rosie could cook as well as you do. In fact, I wish she could cook.

Valerie Oh, George, there's a man in your garden. George Yes: that's Vic. Valerie What's he doing there? George He's doing some gardening for me. Valerie Are you sure he knows about gardening? George No ... but he hasn't got a job at the moment. Valerie I'm not surprised. George He said he had some problems. Valerie Yes. I can see that. George Some emotional problems.

*** Valerie How was work?

Bernard Awful! Maggie came in. You know what she's like. She talks and talks. She gossips about her neighbour's brother's wife's minor operation last year.

Valerie Bernard! Bernard What are you reading?

Valerie It’s an article about Quinten Sayles' new wife. You should read it.

Bernard You know I'm not interested in gossip. The newspapers make these stories up. None of them is true.

Valerie It doesn't matter if the stories are true, as long as they're interesting.

Bernard I'm not interested in an old film star's fifth wife … Whose are these?

Valerie They're mine. Bernard Yes, but who are they from?

Valerie Guess. Bernard Are they from George?

Valerie Aren't they beautiful? He's so thoughtful and kind. He's a real gentleman. Rosie is a lucky woman.

Bernard You're not jealous of her, are you? Valerie No. I'm pleased she's found someone so

considerate. Bernard Hmm. I can be considerate too, you know.

Valerie I know you can, darling. Bernard Valerie, who's that man in our garden?

Valerie That's Vic. Bernard What's he doing there?

Valerie He's gardening. Bernard That's Vic Knowles, isn't it? I've heard a few

things about him. Valerie Who is he?

Bernard He suddenly appeared in the town a couple of years ago. No one knows where he came from. No one knows where he lives. He just suddenly appeared. There were lots of rumours about him. Phil's sister-in-law thought he was a criminal. I think he looks dangerous.

Valerie I think he looks sad. Bernard I wish he wouldn't wave that axe around like that.

*** Vic Hello. Hello. Could I have a cup of tea?

Rosie Yes ... of course. Vic And a chat.

Rosie A chat? What about? Vic I like to chat about anything. The weather, the

trees, the flowers, the past. I get lonely. Rosie OK. Come in. I'll get you a cup of tea.

*** Vic There was a terrible storm last week, wasn't there?

Rosie Was there? Oh, yes ... Bernard Rosie, are you all right?

Rosie Yes. Bernard Thank goodness. Put the axe down on the floor.

Now move towards the door slowly. That's it. Open the door and go outside. He's a dangerous man.

Vic Could I have some milk and a little sugar in my

tea? Rosie I had no idea he was dangerous. That was very

brave of you to save me like that. Bernard Go and phone the police. Tell them there's a dan-

gerous man in the garden of number twelve. Tell them I have disarmed him.

Rosie Are you sure he's dangerous? Bernard Yes. You must hurry!

*** Valerie I think Bernard was just trying to be helpful.

Bernard Yes, well. I heard from Phil's sister-in-law that he was a dangerous criminal.

George Ah, well, you shouldn't believe all that gossip. Do you know, Vic is so gentle that he gets upset if he has to cut down a tree.

B DON'T TALK BEHIND MY BACK!

Street interviews Chloe I gossip about boys.

Melissa Me too. Lin Some gossip I've heard lately is that two people I

work with, who've worked together for many years, are now a couple. They've had ... they've begun a relationship after all this time, and everyone is very pleased about it - we like them both.

Marcella I don't gossip a lot really, just if people want to know something and I know it, then I'll tell them.

Don't make me laugh! Danny Thank you! Thank you very much! Do you like

small talk? There is a lot of small talk in the street where I live. There's Mrs Evans who lives at number forty-two. You can always tell when she's gossiping ... you can see her lips move. You can always tell when she's gossiping ... you can see her lips move. But she's a marvellous woman. Last week she told me that she was thirty years old ... But I know she's celebrating the twenty-fifth anniversary of her thirtieth birthday. She's celebrating the twenty-fifth anniversary of her thirtieth birthday. I said to her, I said, 'Don't you remember when you were born?' And she said, 'No, I was too young'. Oh, there's nothing like a good joke, is there?

Man No. And that was nothing like a good joke. Danny And there's Mr Jones who lives at number twenty-

four. He's always talking behind people's backs ... well, he's a barber. Yes, he's always talking behind their backs. You know ... talking about them without them knowing ... He's always talking behind their backs ... well, he's a barber. He's cutting hair behind their backs. Oh, never mind ... And then there's Mr Simpson who lives at number sixty-three. He lives on his own now. Mrs Simpson left. He said to her, 'Darling, how can you leave me?' And she said, 'It's easy - I can go by taxi, by car or on foot'. Well, they say the old jokes are the best ...

Song time Gossip, ooh, gossip Gossip, ooh, gossip. Have you heard about my cousin's best friend's son, Who used to go next door to have some fun? When the husband came home, he had to get up and run. Gossip, I love gossip.

Have you heard about my cousin's sister-in-law? Well, I wouldn't like to tell you everything I saw, When her neighbour called and didn't close the door. Gossip, yeah, gossip.

Have you heard about my cousin's husband's mother, Who ran away with her best friend's brother? When that didn't work, she ran away with another. Gossip, I love gossip. Ooh, gossip.

Street interviews Mr Addison Oh. the best place to hear gossip is in the

shops. Mrs Addison Well, I think the best place is at coffee

mornings. Sara The best place to hear gossip, for me, is in

my office around the coffee machine. Rowshon The best place to hear gossip is at the pub.

David I think the best place to hear gossip is at work. When people are at work they gossip a lot.

Marcella On the bus, that's the best place to hear gossip.

The ad spot Woman This is the Small Talk Manual! It's marvellous!

Before I had this manual, I used to be like this sad man behind me. Darling!

Man I'm sorry? Woman I said 'darling'!

Man But I don't know you. Woman At parties, I call everyone 'darling', darling.

Man Oh. Woman How are you?

Man I'm very depressed. Woman Never mind. Have a drink.

Man My uncle died last week. I went to his funeral. Woman I hate funerals. I never look good in black.

Man My wife left me on the day before the funeral. Woman Really. How interesting. I say! He looks very

smart! Whose husband's that? Man My wife went off with my best friend.

Woman Do you like the colour of my dress? It's pretty, isn't it?

Man Yes. On the way back from the funeral, I had a car accident.

Woman What colour was the car? Man It was red..

Woman I love the colour red, don't you? Man I feel so lonely. No one listens to me.

Woman Hi, Miranda. I'm sorry, darling? That was Miranda. Doesn't Miranda look lovely?

Man I was saying no one listens to me. Woman I know, darling ... um ... but the weather's good for

this time of year. Man People don't understand. Life is so sad. We're all

going to die in the end. Woman Really? Do you like Daphne's new hairstyle?

Man It's all right, I suppose. Woman I love Michclangelo, don't you?

Man Yes! Have You seen the Pietá at St Peter's in Rome?

Woman St Peter's? Oh, no, darling, Michelangelo's hairdressing salon is in St John's Wood, London. It's not easy to make Daphne look pretty, but Michelangelo can do it. He's an artist, you know.

Man I like talking to you. You're the first person who's ever listened to me.

Woman That's because I use the Small Talk Manual. Man I feel you really understand what I'm saying ... do

you know, many years ago ... Woman Daphne, darling! You look so pretty - I just love

your hair. Yes. The Small Talk Manual - it really works. Hello, daaaaarling!

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) This is Fleet Street. For many years the

offices of the most important newspapers in the United Kingdom were here. But now most of them have moved to other parts of London. Fleet Street, however, remains a symbol for all the British press.

Sara (VO) The British are possibly the biggest newspaper readers in the world. But they're also very interested in all kinds of gossip.

Gary (VO) There are a lot of sensationalist newspapers in the United Kingdom. They're called 'tabloids'. They're very popular and they include information on scandals about famous people in show business, in finance and in politics. We have a spokesman of one of those newspapers who is here to explain what a tabloid is. It's Bernard Shrimley, and he works for the Daily Express. We asked him for a definition of what a tabloid is.

Bernard Shrimley When we talk about a tabloid, we almost always mean the shape of the newspaper, a small sheet. But in Fleet Street we tend to regard tabloid as a state of mind, or a method, a technique of presentation. It's going for the general public, populist.

Sara (VO) Tabloids are very successful in the United Kingdom. Their circulation is four times larger than that of serious newspapers. But why are they so successful? That's what Andreas Wittam-Smith, editor of 'The Independent' is going to explain to us.

Andreas Wittam-Smith

First of all, Britain is quite a small country, so newspapers produced in Lon-don can circulate all over the country.

And we are ... we have many people, we have fifty million people. So newspapers can achieve very large circulations. And if they do, they have less need of advertisers. And in those circumstances, newspapers can provide a very racy, popular, daring, intrusive coverage, which is what happens in this country.

Sara (VO) The Royal Family is the main focus of gossip in the United Kingdom. Any event in the life of any member of the Royal Family becomes front-page news in all the tabloids, especially if they're about Lady Di or Prince Charles. Of course, it's logical that everything about the Royal Family is important news in the United Kingdom. But, as the editor of the Independent says, the difference between the serious press and the tabloids, is in the way they report the news.

Andreas Wittam-Smith

Well, I think newspapers in this country divide into two, whether you see your job as being entertainment, or whether you see your job as being fundamentally news. And the dividing line is very clear. And the yellow press, as you call it, sees the job as being purely entertainment, and the rest of the market sees it as being news. If you see it as being enter-tainment, then you begin to invent stories, you go into a fantasy land, and most of all you want to have a soap opera, if you can find it. And we in Bri-tain have a perfect soap opera, and it's called the Royal Family.

Sara (VO) In the end, the public has the last word. In the United Kingdom there are over twenty national newspapers and over one thousand five hundred regional and local papers. So it's up to you to choose between news or gossip.

4 STEREOTYPES

A FIRST IMPRESSIONS Bernard Valerie! The roof is leaking badly in the small

bedroom. Valerie I know. I mentioned it last night.

Bernard But my cricket equipment is getting ruined! Valerie We'd better ask someone to look at it.

Bernard It's so difficult to find a good builder these days. And it'll probably cost a fortune.

Valerie We might be able to find someone local, who's not too expensive. Perhaps someone who works on his own ... Here's one that looks good ...

*** Mr Mott Mr Wilson? Good afternoon, I'm Adrian Mott. I

understand you've got some problems with your

roof. . . Good afternoon. You must be Mrs Wilson. Very pleased to meet you. What a charming house you have!

Valerie Thank you. Mr Mott So, what seems to be the trouble? Bernard Well, we have a leaking roof. All my cricket

equipment is getting ruined. Mr Mott Oh, are you interested in cricket, then? Bernard I certainly am. Isn't every Englishman? It's in our

blood. Mr Mott Absolutely. So have you followed the match

against Sri Lanka? Bernard I certainly have. Well, some of the time. Mr Mott I think England may win, don't you? Bernard Oh, I'm not sure about that ...

Valerie Shall we have a look at the leak now? Mr Mott By all means. Lead the way. So how do you think

England will do against Australia this winter? Bernard Oh, I think that could be a tough match. The

Australians are very competitive. Valerie So what do you think, Mr Mott?

Mr Mott I agree with Bernard. England will have a difficult time in Australia. Those Australians are a lot of cheats.

Valerie I mean, about the roof. Mr Mott Oh, I see. Well, it's difficult to say what's causing

the leak. It could be a number of things. ***

Valerie So what do you think, Mr Mott? Mr Mott It's difficult to say, really. I can't see much from

here. Valerie Well, why don't you use the ladder? ... What's

wrong, Mr Mott? Is there something wrong with our ladder?

Mr Mott No, no, it's just that I'm not very ... I used to take my own ladder around with me. I mean. I don't think I'm insured for this sort of thing. I could get one of my assistants to have a look later. Actually, I think I can see from here ... Yes, I think it must be one of the roof tiles over there.

Valerie But the leak is over there. Mr Mott Yes, well, it quite often happens that way. Look, I

tell you what. I’ll go off now, and send you an estimate But you know, this isn’t going to be cheap.

Bernard Nice to meet you, Mr Mott ... Nice chap. He's the sort of man you can trust.

Valerie Hmm, I'm not so sure. Bernard He's from an old, established company..

Valerie Oh, look. I think that's the other builder. Bernard Good grief!

Dale I'm Dale. Roof problems? ***

Valerie Oh. yes. that's right. I'm so glad you could come. Dale Let’s have a look. It's that first-floor room, isn't it?

Valerie It is. How did you know that? Dale Well, I can see something's wrong from here.

Let's have a closer look ... Thought so. It's your rainwater pipes. Need a whole new system ... Cost you about three hundred pounds.

Valerie Fine. When can you start?

Dale Monday. Bernard Well, I didn't think much of him.

Valerie What do you mean? Bernard I’m not quite sure. There was something funny

about him. And he was a bit rude. Valerie Well, he seems to know his job.

Bernard But he'll be here next week, when we're at work. He might steal something.

Valerie Oh, Bernard! Bernard Well, he has got an earring and tattoos. You can't

trust people with earrings. ***

Dale There you are, Mrs Wilson. That might fix it. Bernard That's great. So how much do we owe you for that

job? Dale Oh, nothing, mate. Only took me five minutes.

Bernard Most builders would charge a lot for doing that. Valerie Or perhaps you could come over for dinner next week?

Dale That would be nice. Valerie How about next Wednesday?

Bernard Yes. Why don't you bring your partner? Dale Yeah, sure. We'll look forward to that. See you.

Valerie Thanks. Bernard Bye ... Such a nice chap. But he doesn't talk much.

*** Dale Hello, Mr and Mrs Wilson. This is Peter. Peter,

this is Bernard and Valerie.

B THE SPANISH ARE . . .

Street interviews Lin A typical British person is reserved, polite

and embarrassed. Frank British people are meant to be reserved and

quiet, not loud and excitable. I disagree - I think British people are lively and friendly.

Sara I would describe the typical British person as rather formal.

Mr Saunders ... very difficult to describe a typical British person. I think there are all sorts. Some are shy, some are very outgoing, all sorts.

Keith I think John Major is a typical British male - straightforward, but a little bit dull.

Marcella A typical British person is well-mannered, well-dressed and very patriotic.

Don't make me laugh! Danny Thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much! I

hope you aren't expecting any jokes about racial stereotypes? No, I don't tell Jewish jokes. Or Irish jokes. And I especially don't like Scottish jokes. You see, I'm Scottish myself. You know, people say the Scottish are mean - that they don't like spending money - well, it isn't true. For example, yesterday I spent fifty pence. Oh, yes I did. I went to the hairdresser's. I said to the hairdresser, 'How much is a haircut?' He said, 'It's a pound.' So then I said, 'How much for a shave?' He said, 'A shave is fifty pence.' So I said, 'OK, here's fifty pence - shave my head!' 'Here's fifty pence, shave my head!' And

people laugh about my Uncle Rob. He was Scottish and he died in the second World War. You see, he had a hand grenade. He pulled the pin out of the hand grenade, but he didn't want to throw it away! He didn't want to throw away the hand grenade! You know, at Christmas we have Christmas trees in our houses. Do you know how you can tell when it's summer in Scotland? Well, if you see a Scotsman throwing away his Christmas tree, it's probably summer! If you see a Scotsman throwing away his Christmas tree, it's probably summer! But, you know. I think it's wrong to judge people before you know them properly. Don't you agree? You do? Yes. They might be very nice. No, what I always say is, 'Wait until you know a person properly and then you can dislike them!' Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. You've been a wonderful audience. Good night.

The ad spot John That's two bacon, egg and beans and two mugs of

tea, love. 'Ello! Welcome to John's Cafe! I'm John. Everyone is welcome here. When you visit London, make sure you visit my cafe. We have a big menu. There's bacon and eggs ... bacon, eggs and beans ... bacon, eggs and chips, and beans ... on toast! Or beans. We get a lot of foreign tourists here - everyone is welcome. The Italians are very welcome. Last week, we had lots of Italians in here, and it was chaos. They were arguing and shouting. They didn't like my coffee. They wanted spaghetti, but I gave them beans on toast. But I like the Italians. They have warm hearts. I have a lot of Germans in here. They are very welcome. They're always very precise and very neat. There were two Germans in here this morning. They thought my cafe was dirty, and I agreed with them. They didn't like the dirt on the table and the chairs, but they liked the bacon and the eggs. Oh, yes, I love the Germans. I've had Russians in here. I love the Russians. They're so sad. They cry into my eggs and say life is a tragedy. And Japanese tourists often come to eat here. Once they asked me for bacon, egg and noodles. I love the Japanese tourists. They love to take photographs of my wife and me in my cafe. Sometimes Scottish tourists come here as well. They might want porridge, and they may say my bacon and eggs are too expensive, but as long as they pay, everyone is welcome at my cafe - John's Cafe.

Street interviews Lin ... friendly, outgoing and very talkative.

Frank . . . lively, excitable and friendly. Melissa Well.... very mad. They wear long dresses, usually

red, they have lots of celebrations, and they eat very strong, spiced food.

David ... is warm, inventive, friendly, vivacious and good fun to be with.

Keith ... slightly excitable and eating lots of garlic.

Song time Nationality Have you seen the man with the old school tie? He's got an umbrella, he's reserved and shy, He doesn't like talking when he's walking so you needn't try. Who can he be, the man with the old school tie?

He may be from Greece or Germany, He might be from Belgium - don't you agree? He could be Danish or Romanian, Dutch or Panamanian, No, he's British - can't you see? British is his nationality.

Have you seen the woman with the long, black hair? She's proud and she's stubborn and she doesn't care. She can't stop her laughter after there's no one there. Who can she be, the woman with the long, black hair?

She may be from Greece or Germany. She might be from Belgium - don't you agree? She could be Danish or Romanian, Dutch or Panamanian. No, she's Spanish - can't you see? Spanish is her nation-, Spanish is her nation-, Spanish is her nationality.

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) What are the British like? What do we know

about them? The ideas the Spanish have about the British, are they correct?

Gary (VO) We're going to have a look at some of these ideas and see if they're right or wrong.

Sara (VO) One of them is that British businessmen always wear bowler hats and carry umbrellas.

Gary (VO) But we've been walking around the City for a while and we haven't seen any.

Sara (VO) Look! A typical British businessman. Excuse me, are you a real British businessman?

Actor No. This is a joke. No British businessman dresses like this any more. The only uniforms you can see in the city today are business suits.

Gary (VO) So this gentleman doesn't exist any more, except in films.

Gary (VO) Nowadays British businesswomen and businessmen dress like those of any other country.

Gary (VO) It's five o'clock: teatime. Gary (VO) In Spain, we think that, at five o'clock,

everything stops for a refreshing cup of tea. Sara (VO) But, is this true nowadays?

Actor No, it isn't. We have tea at any time in the day, the same as you have coffee. We British have tea with breakfast, tea at eleven o'clock in the mor-ning, tea after lunch; then we have tea at teatime, tea after dinner, and tea at eleven o'clock pm. We never refuse the offer of a cup of tea.

Gary (VO) They say that every Englishman is an island. Sara (VO) Maybe the British are individualists and love

privacy, because they live on an island. Let's ask our man in London if this is true.

Actor Yes, I think we British are quite different from

you continentals. We don't like our neighbours. We enjoy our privacy.

Sara (VO) Did you hear? He said 'continentals'. In the United Kingdom there are two groups of Europeans: the British and continentals, people from the other European countries.

Gary (VO) Due to their love of 'privacy', the British prefer to live in individual houses with their own gardens.

Sara (VO) Talking about gardens. Is it true that the British are great lovers of gardening?

Actor We love our flowers. Gardening is the perfect way of relaxing. It is the British way of life. We all have gardens.

Sara (VO) Another sign of their individualism is that they drive on the left-hand side of the road whereas in all other European countries people drive on the right.

Sara (VO) From now on, thousands of cars with the steering wheel on the left will come into Britain through the Channel Tunnel.

Gary (VO) There will be problems, but no one in Britain has suggested changing to driving on the right.

Sara (VO) The British have a reputation for being animal lovers. But, is it true?

Gary (VO) We think it is. About 49 per cent of British adults have a pet at home.

Sara (VO) And 46 per cent agree with the following state-ment: "The British prefer their pets to their fa-mily."

Gary (VO) Here's our man in London reading a publication for animal lovers.

Sara (VO) Can you read the advert aloud? Actor Please, send a donation to help donkey Sara and

her friends have a happy Christmas. Gary (VO) This says it all. In what other part of the world

could you find a similar advert asking for Christ-mas donations for a home for donkeys?

5 THE BEST OF FRIENDS

A WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR YEARS Bernard What are you doing this evening?

Valerie I'm going out with Anita. Don't you remember? Bernard No one tells me anything.

Valerie I told you last week. We're just going out for a drink and a chat. You can come along with us, if you want.

Bernard No, I'll be fine. I'll stay in. Someone has to keep Gran company. She wouldn't like to be left here on her own. She needs company. It's a terrible thing, being lonely.

Valerie Oh, hello, Gran. How are you feeling? Bernard Are you OK?

Gran Yes, I'm fine. Valerie I'm late. I must go. You needn't wait up for me.

Bye, darling. Bye, Gran. Have a nice evening, both of you.

Bernard Well, Gran, what shall we do this evening? We

can have a chat about old times. Or we can have a game of cards or ...

Gran That's very thoughtful of you, Bernard. But I'm afraid I won't be at home this evening. I've got to get ready.

Bernard Ready? For what? Gran I'm going out with a friend. Goodness me, is that

the time? ***

Bernard Is it ... a woman friend? Gran No

Bernard It's a man, then. Gran Yes, Bernard. It's a man.

Bernard What I meant was, it's a man friend . . . rather than a woman friend ... if you see what I mean.

Gran Yes. Bernard Is it anyone that I know?

Gran No, you haven't met him yet. Bernard How long have you been seeing him?

Gran Oh, for about a week. Since last Sunday, actually. Bernard I see. And how old is this friend of yours. I mean,

is he ... around your age? Gran He's younger than me. His name is Frank, and I

don't want to be late for him. Bernard No, of course not. Have a lovely evening, Gran.

*** Bernard We don't know anything about Frank..

Valerie Oh, Bernard. I'm sure Gran can look after herself. She's very grown-up.

Bernard I know she's grown-up. That's what I'm worried about. I mean, where are they going to tonight? What will they do? When will she come back?

Valerie I'm sure Gran will be very sensible. She's a very sensible person.

*** Gran This is Frank. Valerie and Bernard, Frank.

Valerie Very pleased to meet you, Frank. Frank It's my pleasure.

Bernard Good evening. Frank Very good to meet you at last, Bernard. I've heard

such a lot about you both. ***

Frank Well, it's been very nice meeting you. Goodbye. Goodbye, Valerie. Goodbye, Bernard. Goodbye!

Valerie Well, Gran, Frank seems very nice. Bernard Yes. Very nice. I was very impressed.

Gran Yes. Valerie Bernard's been quite worried about you, Gran.

Haven't you, Bernard? Bernard Oh, no, not really.

Valerie Bernard thought Frank was going to be a young man, who was after your money. But he looked older than you.

Gran He just seems older. He's actually a year younger than I am. And he can't be after my money. He's actually quite rich.

Bernard Really! Valerie Well, that's nice. And is there a future in your

relationship? Gran Well, he has just asked me to marry him if that's

what you mean.

Valerie Has he really? Gran Yes.

Bernard How exciting. How romantic. Gran Yes. But I don't think I will. In fact, I'm not sure if

I'm going to see Frank any more. He's rather nosy always wanting to know what I'm doing. And he never stops talking about DIY. I wouldn't get much peace!

Bernard Oh, good! I mean ... Well, of course, you must make the decision yourself, Gran.

Gran Yes, I must. Well, I'm going to think about it, Bcrnard. And Bernard ...

Bernard Yes, Gran? Gran Please don't call me Gran!

B GETTING TOGETHER

Street interviews Mr Addison We've known each other for fifty-three years,

and we've been married for fifty-two years. Frank I've known my girlfriend for a year and a half.

Sara I've known my partner now for about eight years. In fact, we were going to get married seven years ago, but then I had a baby, so we didn't get married.

David We were married fifteen years ago, so I've known my wife for fifteen years now.

Keith I have known my wife for twenty-seven years, and we've been married for twenty-five years. In fact, we celebrated our silver wedding anniversary in June this year.

Don't make me laugh! Danny Thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much! You

know, friends are important, aren't they? Everyone should have friends. I love my friends, but I have a very special friend, called Fido. Fido has been living with me ever since he was a little, baby doggy-woggy - haven't you, Fidy-Widy-Bidy? Yes, everybody needs a best friend, and a dog is a man's best friend. He doesn't give you advice, he never tries to borrow money, and you don't have to buy him a coat - he's already got one! He's had one since he was born! You know, a dog's hair? His coat? You don't have to buy him a coat - he's already got one! He's had one since he was born! I love Fido. I don't care what anyone says - he's a fine guard dog. You know, if I hear any noises in the night, I wake him, and then he starts to bark. Don't you think that it's interesting that man's best friend can't talk? I once heard of a dog that could talk. But it's not possible. If a dog ever tells you he can talk, he's lying. If a dog ever tells you he can talk he's lying. Oh, he's a lovely dog. And he's good company. You know, I've been playing chess with him since he was little. You probably think that he's a very clever dog because he can play chess, but he's not really clever, because when Fido and I play chess, I usually win! Usually! And, now, ladies and gentlemen, shall I sing you a song? Yes! Thank you. I'd like to sing a little song I wrote myself, all about Fido. It's called, 'Everyone

needs someone to love, someone to share everything with, every day. If everybody had somebody, someone like Fido, then everything would be fine'. Music, maestro, please.

The ad spot Voiceover 'I have gone forever. Goodbye. Love, Jeremy.'

Do you want someone that you can depend on - someone that won't let you down?

Woman Yes, my boyfriend has left me again! Voiceover Are relationships difficult for you?

Woman I don't trust anyone. Everyone lets me down. Voiceover Don't you wish you had someone to share your

life with? Do you want someone that you can depend on?

Woman Yes, but I don't want someone who looks at other women. I'm a very jealous person.

Voiceover Yes, I understand. Then why not go and see Roy? If you talk to Roy and tell him what you want, he will help you. Roy will introduce you to someone that you can depend on.

Roy I certainly will. At Roy's Pet Shop we will find the right pet for you. So if you're looking for someone that you can depend on - why not come and meet Rover? You can trust Rover. He'll always be there when you get home. He'll never let you down. Rover won't go for walks with other women, will you, Rover? No! He won't take your best friend out to dinner while you are visiting your mother. Oh, no! Rover will never let you down. So why not come to Roy's Pet Shop and meet the friend of your dreams?

Street interviews Frank I usually meet my friends in the pub, or we

go to the cinema or the theatre or the football match.

Melissa I get together with my friends at a local disco.

Marcella I get together with my friends at local pubs or nightclubs.

*** Mr Saunders I have a lot of friends who are women, but I

only have one wife. David I think men and women can be friends, but I

don't think it's the same sort of friendship as between men and men, and women and women.

Marcella I've got a load of friends, girls and boys, but the boys aren't boyfriends.

Song time Have a little drink For an hour or so I've been watching you, You've been sitting alone at a table for two, No one has come, you've got nothing to do, Well me. I'm waiting, I'm waiting for someone, too.

Won't you have a little drink with me? I could keep you company, I could make you feel better, If you need to cry, I want to hear your life history.

Won't you have a little drink, say 'cheers'? Just until your friend appears, We could tell a few jokes as the time goes by, Yes, we could laugh away every tear, Yes, we could laugh away every tear.

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) We are in Dublin, the capital of the Irish

Republic. Anyone who's visited this country knows that the Irish are friendly, kind and warm with foreigners. But what are they like to each other?

Gary (VO) To find out, we're going to speak with a group of four Irish youngsters, Eve, Cahal, Siobhan and Vincent. They've been friends for four years. They met at school, and although now they go to different colleges, they still meet to talk and have some fun together. Eve was the first to answer our questions.

Interviewer (VO) Is it easy to make friends in Ireland? Eve Ah, yes, it's very easy to make friends in

Ireland. The Irish people are very friendly and outgoing and when you make a friend in Ireland, you make a friend for life. Very easy.

Interviewer (VO) Where do you make friends? Eve You can make friends in the clubs and

societies in the university, like the football club or the Martin Society, for example.

Interviewer (VO) What would you like to find in a friend? Eve I'd like to find many things in a friend,

like a sense of humour, loyalty, honesty, something like that.

Sara (VO) Eve is a great sports-lover. Her favourite pastimes are gymnastics and jogging in the park. Eve studies History and lives at home with her parents. Vincent doesn't live with his parents any more. One big difference between Ireland and Spain is that Irish youngsters start living on their own very early. That's why we asked Vincent at what age they become independent.

Interviewer (VO) At what age do young people start living on their own?

Vincent Well, students leave home around the age of 17, whereas people who don't go to university like to leave home at the age of around twenty-two or twenty-three.

Interviewer (VO) Do you still live with your parents? Vincent No, I moved into a flat with a group of

friends as my house was too far away from the university.

Interviewer (VO) Is it usual for young people to share a flat or a house with friends?

Vincent Yes, it's very frequent as it's cheaper for young people to move in together and they have a lot more freedom also.

Interviewer (VO) How do you like living on your own? Vincent I love to live on my own as I can come in

at whatever time I please and eat whate-ver I like.

Gary (VO) Siobhan is the youngest in the group. She's eighteen. Siobhan is Cahal's girlfriend. They've been going out for a year, since she was seventeen. Is this a common age for girls to go out with boys? We asked Siobhan.

Interviewer (VO) At what age does a girl usually start going out with a boy?

Siobhan Usually when they're thirteen or fourteen, but maybe younger. It depends on the girl.

Interviewer (VO) Is it usual for young people to go out together in groups?

Siobhan Oh, yes. Boys and girls usually go out together in groups because it's a lot more fun and it's also safer, like when you are going home.

Interviewer (VO) What's a common topic of conversation for friends, especially for girls?

Siobhan For girls, they usually talk about boys or clothes, usually.

Interviewer (VO) What time are boys and girls supposed to get home at night when they live with their parents?

Siobhan It depends if they go to the pub and ... that closes at about half eleven, so they're expected home at twelve o'clock. But if they go to a disco, they're expected home at about half two.

Sara (VO) Cahal is still living with his parents in the outskirts of Dublin. He loves Dublin. That's why he recommends Spanish stu-dents to go to Dublin to learn English.

Interviewer (VO) Would you recommend Spanish students to come to Ireland?

Cahal Yes, I would, because it's a very friendly country and when the Spanish students come over in the summer they usually get on very well with the locals.

Interviewer (VO) What would you recommend Spanish students to do if they came to Ireland?

Cahal If a Spanish student comes to Ireland, the best thing they can probably do would be to move in with a family, as that way they learn good English, they'll also learn the culture of their country and how a family works in Ireland.

Gary (VO) So you've heard Cahal’s recommendation. If you decide to go abroad to learn En-glish, you can go to the Irish Republic: a great place to make good friends.

6 TRADITIONS

A WE HAVE A LOT TO BE PROUD OF! Valerie I got a phone call from Jessica today.

Bernard Jessica? Valerie Your second cousin, the one who lives in

America. Bernard Oh, Jessica. Yes, I've heard of her. I've never met

her, though. What's she doing? Valerie She's a student and she's coming over to England

next month. She wants to stay with us for a few days.

Bernard Great. Valerie She says she's very interested in history and

tradition. She wants to have a look at some English traditions.

Bernard Well, I'm not surprised. They haven't got many traditions in America. They have fireworks on the 4th of July and that's it.

Valerie That's not quite true, Bernard. Bernard Well, we've got a lot to be proud of in this

country. We have a great history and some fine traditions most people take for granted. It's so important to understand your heritage. Why don't we take a few days off work when Jessica is here. We could take her to some of the typically English places.

Valerie Yes, she might like that. Bernard We could work out an itinerary. We can go to the

Tower of London, where you can show her the Beefeaters and the Crown Jewels.

Valerie Do you know, I've never been to the Tower of London.

Bernard I don't think many English people have. We can go to Cambridge. We could see the King's College Chapel. We could go on the river in a boat and have a traditional English tea at Grantchestcr. You know, we’ve got a lot to be proud of in this country. I've got a brilliant idea! We could take her to the Henley Regatta and we could take a hamper and some strawberries. Jessica will love that.

*** Jessica I'm so excited. I've always dreamed of seeing

England. Bernard You probably thought we lived in a little cottage

which had a thatched roof and roses growing all over it.

Jessica No. Bernard Or did you think we lived in a manor house or a

castle with a moat and a drawbridge? Jessica No. I didn't expect to see knights at the airport

either. Bernard We've worked out a wonderful itinerary for you.

The first place we're going to visit is Cambridge, and then we're going to the Henley Regatta. We're visiting Harrods and the Tower of London. And on your final day, we're going to go to a medieval banquet.

Jessica That sounds really interesting. But is it for American tourists?

Bernard There are some Americans. Jessica I don't want to meet American tourists.

Bernard There are Japanese and German tourists as well. Jessica Do you know where Sheffield is?

Bernard It's up in the north of England somewhere. I don't think you'll find anything interesting up there.

Jessica There's an industrial museum I've heard about. I'd love to see it.

Bernard An industrial museum! Jessica I'm interested in how real people lived. I mean

ordinary people. ***

Jessica I've traced the family back eight generations. Bernard Have you really? Well done!

Jessica I think our family has a strong culture and tradition that goes way back into history.

Bernard Oh, good. Valerie Well, tell us. Jessica Well, first, this side of the family were from

Grimsby. Bernard From where?

Jessica From Grimsby. In the north-east of England. Bernard Grimsby!

Jessica For over two hundred years they were fishermen. Bernard How interesting.

Jessica On this side of the family, Great-great-great-greatgreat-great-grcat-Uncle John worked in the textile industry in Manchester. It was right at the start of the industrial revolution. And you know what? He became a Shaker and emigrated to America.

Bernard He became a what? Jessica A Shaker. That was his religion.

Bernard How very odd. Jessica It's so interesting, don't you think?

Bernard What is? Jessica Well, on the one hand, there's religion, and on the

other hand, there's fish! Don't you want to come with me to Grimsby and discover your family heritage?

Bernard Well, frankly, Jessica . . . I don't think I do.

B CHRISTMAS AND CASTLES

Street interviews Sara Because I don't cook, I celebrate Christmas by

inviting all the neighbours into our house for champagne cocktails in the morning, and then we go to a hotel for lunch. Much easier - no washing up.

Melissa I celebrate Christmas around the Christmas tree

Chloe ... lots of presents. David I spend Christmas with my family. We have

two children. We wrap up their presents on Christmas Eve. We open the presents in the morning. Then we have a wonderful, long meal late in the afternoon, and I'm afraid sometimes I drink a bit too much. But we all enjoy it very much, especially me.

***

Peter We all sing Auld Lang Syne at midnight, have a toast together and celebrate the New Year coming in.

Chloe When it's 12 o'clock on New Year's Eve, we go round and kiss everybody.

Mr Addison In the north of England, where I come from, New Year is celebrated by a ceremony, that we call 'first footing', that is to say, a dark-haired man will be the first to put his foot inside your door as the New Year enters, and he will bring with him three gifts. He will bring a little bread, so that you'll never be hungry, a little coal for wealth and a little salt for good health.

Don't make me laugh! Danny I love the British traditions, don't you? Yes, I've just

come back from a traditional British holiday. Yes, it was very traditional - we went to Spain. We had a traditional British holiday - in Spain! Thank you, madam. Yes, traditions ... My family, who are very traditional, always do the same thing every Christmas. First, we always go to church on Christmas morning. Second, we always have a big dinner - roast turkey with cranberry sauce. Third, we always watch the Queen's speech, which is on television in the afternoon. Fourth, we always play silly games in the evening. I really like Christmas, but there's one Christmas tradition which I don't like - I always spend too much money on presents! My wife and I had a wedding that was very old-fashioned. Very traditional. She looked beautiful, dressed all in white. I said to her afterwards, 'Well, did you enjoy the wedding, dear?' And she said, 'Well, yes, on the one hand, I did enjoy it, but on the other hand, I think I'll do it differently next time!' She said, 'I think I'll do it differently next time!' Well, thank you! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. And now for a song!

The ad spot Mr Teacher Life in the old days. What was it like? What

did we use to do before we had television? Mrs Teacher How did people live without cookers or

central heating? Mr Teacher Last weekend, we took the family to Oldfield

Castle to find out. Mrs Teacher Oldfield Castle is educational and fun. Mr Teacher We learnt about the people who lived in the

castle many years ago. We spent the whole day there.

Mrs Teacher Jane and John, who are our children, really enjoyed it, didn't they, darling?

Mr Teacher Oh, yes. There was a big festival at the castle. There were actors who were dressed up as medieval knights.

Mrs Teacher It was so educational! And our children learnt a lot about British traditions, didn't they, darling?

Mr Teacher We saw a kitchen which was four hundred

years old. Mrs Teacher Yes, Jane was interested in the demonstration

of medieval cooking. Mr Teacher John was more interested in the swords. They

used to fight with swords in the old days. Mrs Teacher But Jane didn't like John hitting her with a

sword. Mr Teacher No, Jane was very interested in the clothes

that the women used to wear. Mrs Teacher She wanted to know why they didn't wear

jeans. Mr Teacher And they said that there's a ghost at the castle.

Mrs Teacher At night, a woman who has her head under her arm walks around the castle.

Mr Teacher Yes, and then John tried to cut off Jane's head with a sword.

Mrs Teacher But luckily. Daddy was able to stop him. Mr Teacher We saw the dungeons which they used in the

old days. Mrs Teacher And Jane locked John in the dungeon. Mr Teacher The security guard who worked there was

very angry. Mrs Teacher But it was educational. Mr Teacher And Oldfield Castle has a shop.

Mrs Teacher We had to buy the children lots of things in the shop.

Mr Teacher Postcards and flags, books, pencils, rubbers and notepads.

Mrs Teacher It was educational but rather expensive. Mr Teacher And on the way home we stopped for a tradi-

tional English cream tea, which was delightful.

Mrs Teacher Until Jane was sick in the car. Mr Teacher Oldfield Castle is fun for the whole family.

Mrs Teacher No. Not the whole family. We're going to Oldfield Castle again some time, but we'll leave Jane and John at home.

Song time Tradition He lives in a country house or two or three, He has breakfast and lunch and afternoon tea, He's part of our nation's history, Rather him than me!

He's got lots of money. It costs a lot, To live in a castle and to keep it hot, To pay all the people who look after what he's got, I would rather not.

Yes, they're the upper classes, the aristocracy, Not middle class or working class like you or me, We go round their stately homes to see our history, They're the British upper classes, The aristocracy, They're the British upper classes, The aristocracy.

Street interviews Frank Yes, I think Britain should have a Royal Family.

It's good for the tradition of the country. It attracts tourism, which brings money into the country and jobs for the people.

Sara I think we should have a Royal Family. I think it's part of our tradition, our heritage, and l don't think we should lose them.

Melissa I think Britain shouldn't have a Royal Family because they take up too much money.

David I don't really think Britain should have a Royal Family any more. I think it's a bit old-fashioned now.

Marcella I do think Britain should have a Royal Family, because we've got a lot of history, and the Royal Family is part of that history.

DOCUMENTARY (VO) Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from

the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressing-gown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him by the mild morning air. He held the bowl aloft and intoned: Introibo ad altare Dei.

Sara (VO) With these words, at the Martello Tower, James Joyce's Ulysses begins. Ulysses and James Joyce are possibly the book and writer with the biggest influence on twentieth-century literature.

Gary (VO) And as a homage to Joyce, people celebrate 'Bloomsday', a one-day celebration named after Leopold Bloom, the modern protagonist of Ulysses.

Gary (VO) As in the book, the celebration starts at 8 o'clock at the Martello Tower.

Sara (VO) Actors, actresses and Joyce admirers, dressed in period costumes, meet to recite, read or comment on passages from Ulysses.

Actor ... Gary (VO) This unusual homage to Joyce attracts

people from all over the world. Let's ask one of the participants why he's here.

Interviewer (VO) Excuse me. May I ask you some questions?

Fernando Yes, of course. Interviewer (VO) Why are you celebrating 'Bloomsday'?

Fernando Well, I'm very fond of James Joyce. I like his literature very much and I think it's a good occasion to be here and have a good time.

Interviewer (VO) What's your favourite character from Ulysses?

Fernando Perhaps Molly Bloom, because this cha-racter is very honest, sensitive, sensual and attractive.

Interviewer (VO) By the way, where do you come from? Fernando I come from Spain.

Interviewer (VO) What are you doing here? Fernando I'm working.

Interviewer (VO) Working? What do you mean? Fernando Well, I'm the director of 'That's English'.

And remember: reading Ulysses is very practical and unusual. Don't give up. Go for it.

Sara (VO) To take part in the celebration our televi-sion crew wore period costumes. This interview with our director was a joke. But he's a sincere admirer of Joyce.

Gary (VO) Many of the streets, public buildings and pubs mentioned in Joyce's Ulysses still exist today.

Sara (VO) And Joyce's followers reproduce the 24-hour journey of Leopold Bloom around Dublin City on June the sixteenth nineteen hundred and four.

Gary (VO) A traditional lunchtime stop is at Davy Byrne's pub.

Sara (VO) Here, Joyce's admirers have a lunch of Gorgonzola cheese sandwiches and Bur-gundy, as mentioned in Ulysses.

Sara (VO) The celebration goes on for a whole day in different parts of Dublin.

Participant We are celebrating 'Bloomsday' because June 16th nineteen hundred and four was the day on which Ulysses was written by James Joyce, and it concentrates the whole novel on one day in the life of Dublin.

Gary (VO) And the town authorities offer a dinner, with another menu taken from the book.

7 SUPERSTITION

A TOUCH WOOD! Valerie How did the interview go?

Bernard They've offered me some freelance work. Valerie Great!

Bernard I'm worried. I don't think I want to go freelance. I don't want to give up the security of my present job.

Valerie You said you're bored with your job. Bernard I'm bored, but at least it's secure. If you're

freelance, you never know what the future will hold.

Valerie Sometimes you have to take risks. Bernard Valerie, you might have noticed that I am not

one of life's great risk-takers. Valerie Then why are you smoking?

Bernard I don't know if I should take the job or not. Valerie Write down all the good things about going

freelance, and write all the positive things about staying in the job.

Bernard That's a good idea. ***

George What's wrong with you? Bernard I'm confused. What should I do? I've tried the I

Ching. That was no good. George What did it say?

Bernard It said, if you want something, you must be patient. But then I don't know if I want to

change my job. I went to see Rosie's friend who's an astrologer.

*** Astrologer Well, Bernard ... It's hard to say ... you could be

happy in your new job. On the other hand, you could be unhappy ... as well as happy..

*** Bernard It might rain. There might be some sunny

intervals. Or it might be thunder and lightning. George That's English weather!

Bernard I tried the tarot cards. George What did the cards tell you?

Bernard That the only certain thing was death, but I knew that already.

George You know, Bernard, you worry too much. Bernard If only I could see into the future, then I

wouldn't worry. George Someone once said, life is like a very high

bridge, and the secret of life is to walk across the bridge without fear.

Bernard Yes, well, I prefer to go the long way round. I think walking across a high bridge without fear is pretty stupid. I need a sign.

George A sign? Bernard A black cat, a dream, a broken mirror. I'm

superstitious. George Why not toss a coin?

Bernard Do you think that's the answer? George Why not? Life is full of chance.

Bernard Yes. Of course. That's a brilliant idea. Shall I toss the coin? No, you toss the coin ... no, I’ll ...

George I'll toss the coin. Heads or tails? Bernard Shall I have heads or tails? I'll have heads ... If

it's heads, I'll change my job. No, wait a minute, I'll have tails.

George It doesn't matter if you choose heads or tails. Bernard Of course it matters!

*** Bernard Darling, I've got wonderful news! I got sacked

today. Valerie What?

Bernard I've lost my job. Valerie What's happened?

Bernard The principal called me into his office. He said that there were some complaints about my work. My lectures were depressing the students. The principal asked me to leave.

Valerie Oh, no! Bernard Oh, yes! I've got no choice. I have to take the

freelance job. I'm so happy. Valerie Oh, Bernard.

Bernard I know - I've been hell to live with. Valerie What's this?

Bernard It's a Munch print. This is the picture of a man who is afraid to walk across the bridge of life. It will remind me not to be afraid to walk the bridge. It will look good in the living room, won't it?

Valerie Why don't we put it in the hallway? Bernard OK. If I move this mirror, the picture could ...

Oh, no! This is terrible!

Valerie Don't worry. I never liked that mirror much. Bernard I've broken the mirror!

Valerie It was a cheap mirror. Bernard When you break a mirror, it's seven years' bad

luck! Valerie That's just superstition.

Bernard There must be a reason for the superstition. Valerie No, Bernard. There are no reasons for

superstitions. They're just irrational fears.

B HOROSCOPES ARE RUBBISH!

Street interviews Mrs Addison We don't read horoscopes because we think

they're a load of rubbish. Lin I do read my horoscope because I hope to

read good news about my day. However, if it's bad news, then I don't believe it.

Sara No, I don't read my horoscope, because loads of other people read the same horoscopes, so how can it be the same for everyone?

Melissa I read my horoscope only at the end of the week to see if it's right or not.

Marcella I do read my horoscope, but I'll only believe it if it's good.

The ad spot Woman Hello. That's a lot of money you have in your wal-

let. Man Yes, I'm taking my family on holiday today.

Woman On holiday! But today is the day of the big horse race.

Man The big horse race? Woman Yes, the Grand National.

Man I'm not interested in horse racing. I'm going on holiday with my wife and children.

Woman Yes, but when you go to the races, you can win a lot of money.

Man I don't like betting on horses. Woman You don't like betting on horses? Why not?

Man I always lose. Woman Ah, if you buy the Romany Lucky Charm, you're

sure to win. Man I don't believe in lucky charms, thank you very

much. Woman You should believe in lucky charms, sir. If you

don't buy the Romany Lucky Charm, there will be a curse on your family for ever! It's only five pounds, sir. It will look good on your suit.

Man A family curse! Oh, dear! Well, I'd better buy a Romany Lucky Charm.

Woman Good. Here are the runners and riders for the Grand National ...

*** Woman You see, the Romany Lucky Charm really does

work. What about you, sir. Would you like the Romany Lucky Charm?

Don't make me laugh! Danny Thank you. Thank you. Are you superstitious? No? I

wasn't either. Not until last Sunday. I walked under

a ladder, and I've had bad luck ever since then - ever since I walked under that ladder. On Monday, I took the boat over to France. It was a disaster. It was terrible! As soon as we left the harbour, the boat started sinking. And do you know what? The radio operator didn't know how to spell SOS. No, he didn't know how to spell SOS. And then on Tuesday, I had more bad luck. I had a road accident. I had the right of way, but the other driver had a lorry. It was a very bad accident. Bang! Crash! So I went to hospital in an ambulance. But the doctor in the hospital didn't know anything about medicine. No, he told me that he became a doctor because he had bad handwriting. He became a doctor because he had bad handwriting! Then, on Wednesday, the surgeon operated on me. I knew I was in trouble as soon as I saw the surgeon. You see, he was wearing a mask. He was wearing a mask so that when things went wrong, no one would know who he was. No one would know who he was if things went wrong. And things did go wrong. I was in terrible pain after the operation. It was terrible pain. I couldn't sleep for days. Then I finally got to sleep ... and the nurse woke me up. She woke me up to give me some sleeping pills. She woke me up to give me some sleeping pills! Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen! And now, some juggling!

Song time Bad, bad, bad, bad luck Bad, bad, bad, bad luck. Bad, bad, bad, bad luck. Bad, bad, bad, bad luck. It's bad, bad, bad, bad luck.

If you go to a party, where old friends meet, And there are thirteen at the table sitting down to eat, Be quick, little baby, and leave your seat, Or bad things will happen before dinner's complete, 'Cos it's bad, bad, bad, bad luck. Bad, bad, bad, bad luck. Bad, bad, bad, bad luck. It's bad, bad, bad, bad luck.

If you're walking in the town past a long, high wall, And you see a ladder leaning against that wall, Be quick, little baby, listen to me call, You'd better walk around it or that wall is gonna fall, 'Cos it's bad, bad, bad, bad luck. Bad, bad, bad, bad luck. Bad, bad, bad, bad luck. It's bad, bad, bad, bad luck.

Bad, bad, bad, bad luck. Bad, bad, bad, bad luck. Bad, bad, bad, bad luck. It's bad, bad, bad, bad luck. Superstition.

Street interviews Marcella I am superstitious, but not very much. I believe

that you shouldn't walk under ladders. Lin I'm not superstitious about anything.

Frank Yes, I am superstitious. When I play sport, I

always wear this. Melissa I'm into superstitions, and whenever I see a

magpie, I have to ask my friend to slap my hand to take away the bad luck.

Sara No, I'm not at all superstitious. David Well, if a black cat crosses your path, that can be

very unlucky. If you find a horseshoe, that can be very lucky.

DOCUMENTARY Witch (VO) The old and romantic city of Edinburgh is

probably the most mysterious city in the United Kingdom. A magic atmosphere fills the streets of this city, full of legends and tales of ghosts, witches and haunted houses. Here, in St Cuthbert's, are the bodies of many people. Some legends say that the spirits of some of them still wander the streets and the houses of this city. I am the Green Lady. I have always lived in Edinburgh. That is why I know many of the extraordinary stories told in Edinburgh. Follow me. It will be a pleasure to guide you on a walk along mysterious Edinburgh. Don't be afraid. You don't believe in ghosts, do you?

Witch (VO) We start at Edinburgh Castle. You can't understand Edinburgh without its castle. Here, at the Esplanade, a metal wellhead marks the place where witches were burnt in the Middle Ages. Many innocent women died here. Many ghost tales took place at the castle. There are also tales about the Palace of Holyroodhouse. One of them is the story of the murder of Queen

Mary's secretary. The Queen's husband, Lord Darnley, was jealous because the Queen and her secretary were friends. Lord Darnley killed him.

Witch (VO) In Edinburgh, every close, every street, has a ghost tale for the visitor. For example, Charlotte Square. Many people say they have seen a woman dressed in nineteenth century clothes. Or a house in the Canongate, where they say, in a fire, the ghost of a woman with a baby in her arms appeared. This restaurant was a children's home. Some people hear the voices of the chil-dren who lived here many years ago. This is the Grassmarket, a street full of mystery. Here was the public market and criminals were executed here. These are some of the stories told in Edin-burgh. You shouldn't believe everything. It may not be true. It may be the imagination and superstition of the people of Edinburgh... Who knows? But you don't believe in ghosts, do you?

MODULE 7 TELEVISION TRANSCRIPTS

1 THE STORY OF ENGLISH

A WORDS, WORDS, WORDS Tom Where's Clive? He isn't usually late.

Louise Yes, where is he? He said he'd be here. Marco He's never normally late. ' Maybe he's sick.

Jilly No, I saw him leave the office at four o'clock. Anyway, who wants a drink?

Louise Yes, please! Tom Clive?

Louise Where have you been? Clive I've had a terrible time.

Barman What can I get you, Jilly? Jilly Three pints of bitter ... a white wine ...

Louise So. what happened? Clive I was early for our meeting, so I was looking

around the shops, when I came to an antique shop on the corner. I saw something in the window. It was a plate. A very pretty plate. I wasn't in a hurry.

*** Clive Good afternoon. Cyril Good afternoon. Clive Urn, I'm interested in the plate. Cyril It's a dish. Clive Well, I'm interested in the dish. Cyril From the old English, 'disc'. Clive I'm sorry? Cyril The word 'dish': it comes from the Old English

word, 'disc'. Clive Does it? Does it really? I see. Well, could I have a

look at the ... dish? Cyril Before that it came from the Latin 'discus'. And the

Greek 'diskos'. Though 'disco', of course, is from the French 'discotheque', as in 'bibliotheque'.

Clive Really? I thought it might be ... Cyril You thought it was from the old Norse language. Clive No, the dish. I thought the dish was Wedgewood

china. Cyril Wedgewood? Certainly not! But I can see that you

are a man who is interested in language. Clive Not really. Cyril Do you know how many English words come from

Latin? Clive No. I've no idea. Cyril Lots of formal words come from Latin - usually the

longest ones. It would be interesting to know a bit more about that, wouldn't it?

Clive No, not really. Cyril Or how many English words come from the Greek

language? . . . 'Telephone' comes from Greek. Most of our scientific words come from Greek.

Clive Well, it's been very interesting. Thank you. Goodbye.

Cyril 'Goodbye’! 'Goodbye' is a new word. Well, it's new

for English. It probably. started in the sixteenth century. It means 'God be with you'. You know, many of our most common, everyday words come from Old English.

Clive How very interesting' Oh, look at the time. I must go.

Cyril I must go. I must leave. I must depart. Most of our words come from French, Latin, Scandinavian or from ancient Greek. Look at this. Leg. Do you know where the word 'leg' comes from?

Clive No. Cyril Go on! Guess.

C1live It's probably a ... Scandinavian word. Cyril Yes! I knew it. I knew you were an etymologist!

*** Cyril I love words, don't you? I always remember words,

but I always forget my wife's birthday. In fact, I forgot my wife once! We were driving along, then we stopped at a petrol station. She went to the toilet, and I drove off You see, I was thinking about the word 'petrol'. 'Petros' is a Greek word meaning 'stone', or 'petra', mcaning 'rock'. . .

Clive I have to meet my friends ... Cyril Ah! Now the word ‘friend' comes from Old

English. Clive Does it? Cyril Are you all right? You don't look well. Clive No. No. I'm fine, thanks. But I really have to go ... Cyril Oh, what a shame! We were having such an

interesting conversation. ***

Clive What a man! Louise I feel sorry for his poor wife. He left her in a petrol

station! Clive How about another drink? Tom It's strange you should say that. Clive Why? Tom 'Drink'. It's an Old English word, you know. It

probably comes from the Scandinavian word 'trink'.

B HOW DO YOU SAY THAT?

Street interviews Julia I like to be called by my first name - Julia.

Gareth I like to be called Gareth, that's my first name.

Keith I suppose I like my first name to be used most of the time, it's more friendly, urn, but there are some situations where it's a bit too personal and I prefer Mr Harvey.

Mrs Simpson For all my friends, I like to be addressed by my Christian name, my first name. Urn, people I don't know, 'Mrs' to begin with, but I very soon revert to my Christian name.

Dennis Well, certainly on a social occasion I think I

much prefer people to call me by my first name. If I'm dealing in business, then I think I like to keep it a bit more formal until I know somebody well.

John Yes, I think I'd go along with that, I prefer Christian names on social occasions but ... it comes occasionally as a bit of a surprise to be called by your Christian name straight off by someone you've never met.

*** Derek I like my friends to call me Derek, but some

of my best friends call me by my nickname or one of my nicknames, which is Dezzer.

Louisa I'm usually just called Louisa - Lou for short Sean I like people to call me by my first name,

Sean, or if they're good friends to call me Seanny.

Tamsen I like people to use my first name, which is Tamsen, because I like it. It comes from Cornwall, but when they use my surname, which is Harward, I prefer them to use 'Ms' rather than 'Miss', because, well, I think it's more sophisticated.

Christopher Well, all my friends call me Chris, but, uh, my family, they prefer to call me Christopher and family friends they do the same. At school, everyone calls me Anker because that's my surname.

How to he British Mike Vanessa's coming this afternoon. John Really. Mike It would be nice if the flat were a bit tidier. John Mmm. Mike I'm going to tidy up. John Good. Mike And then I'm going to put some smarter clothes on ...

It's nice to dress more smartly when you have a visitor, isn't it? ... Have you thought about changing?

John No. Mike I think it would be marvellous if you wore the jacket

without the holes. John Do you. Mike Don't you? John Don't I what? Mike Don't you think the jacket without the holes is nicer

than that one? John Nicer? What do you mean? Don't you like this jacket?Mike Well, I'm not sure that I do, actually. John Oh. Mike And wouldn't you like to put a clean shirt on? John No, I wouldn't. I'm reading the paper. Mike These trousers aren't the best ones you've got, are

they? John Look. What exactly are you trying to say? Why don't

you say what you mean? Mike All right. I don't like what you're wearing. In fact, I

think your clothes are disgusting. John There's no need to be rude

News from the past Trevor Good evening. Here is the news from That’s

English! First the headlines ... A new kind of moving carriage comes onto the streets ... And in sport, a lady plays golf. But today's main story is the new carriage designed and built by Mr Karl Bertz. It's a bit slower than a horse, but some people are saying that it might be an important " of =sport in the next century Over to our current affairs correspondent who has the full story. Frank, what is this fantastic new machine called?

Frank Well, Trevor, scientists have invented a new word. They've put together the Greek word 'auto', which means 'by oneself', and the Latin word 'mobilis' which means 'moving'.

Trevor So what is the new word, Frank? The automobilis? Frank That's right, Trevor.

Trevor A strange name. But Frank, it's a sort of carriage with no horses, that is, a horseless carriage, isn't it?

Frank Yes, it is, Trevor. But, in fact, some people have made the expression 'horseless carriage' simpler. They are calling it a 'car’.

Trevor A car. I see. Strange word! And now, sport. For the first time a woman has played golf. And she hit the ball quite well. A woman playing golf. What will they think of next? But that's all from me until tomorrow night. Till then... goodnight.

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) English, part of the Germanic family of

languages, was created in the south-east of England, with influences from all the peoples who invaded the island.

Sara (VO) When London was founded by the Romans with the name of Londinium, the area was inhabited by Celtic tribes that spoke a Celtic language similar to Modern Welsh.

Gary (VO) But the Celts and the Romans contributed very few words to English, although Britain comes from the Roman word, 'Britannia', land of the Britons.

Sara (VO) In the Fifth Century, Britannia was invaded by Germanic tribes, Angles, Jutes and Saxons, who brought with them the basis of the English language.

Gary (VO) By the year 1000, the country was known as Englaland (or land of the Angles) and their language as 'Englisc.'

Sara (VO) But Latin, the language of the Romans, hadn't been totally forgotten. At that time, it was the language of learning in Europe and it had been reintroduced into Britain by Christian missionaries.

Gary (VO) In 1066 French Normans invaded the island, and for the next three hundred years no king of England spoke English.

Sara (VO) In the Thirteenth and Fourteenth centuries, an educated person had to speak three languages: English, which was still the language of the people, French, which was the language of the Court, and Latin, which was the language of the church and of learning.

Gary (VO) But in 1387, Chaucer wrote his poem, The Canterbury Tales, in English. This book represented the definitive triumph of English

Sara (VO) Nowadays the greatest authority on the English language is probably Oxford University Press, which has been publishing the Oxford English Dictionary since the last century. It is the equivalent of the Dictionary of the Royal Academy for Spanish. That is, the Oxford English Dictionary is the dictionary you have to refer to whenever you have doubts about English words or expressions. New words are constantly being added to it. We interviewed Lesley Brown, editor of the New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary, and asked her if there's anything in Great Britain similar to the Spanish Royal Academy.

Lesley Brown No, there isn't. And at the same time as the Spanish Academy was founded there were discussions in Britain as whether to start a similar organization, but it never happened and then in the Nineteenth century, when the Oxford English Dictionary began to be produced, it came to be regarded very much as the equivalent of the national dictionary, though Oxford University Press finances it itself. There's no state support for the Oxford English Dictionary.

Interviewer What criteria do you follow in the rejection or incorporation of new words and expressions?

Lesley Brown We look for the number of times we have the word recorded in use, the period of time over which it is used in our records and the variety of sources or people who are using it. So it's a mixture of all those criteria. We have hundreds of millions of examples in our files to look at and see how often and by whom a word is being used.

Interviewer How many entries are there in the Oxford Dictionary?

Lesley Brown

About half a million. Five hundred thousand.

2 AMERICAN OR BRITISH ENGLISH?

A THE STORY OF AMERICA Louise Guess who I interviewed today?

Tom I don't know. Louise A famous American actor.

Tom Mickey Mouse?

Louise No. Mickey Mouse doesn't do interviews, stupid. Michael E. Curtis junior!

Clive You did not! Louise Yes! Yes. I thought, 'I'm going to be

famous. "The Louise Case interview” but it didn't happen like that ...

*** Louise Hello, I'm Louise Case. I'm from the

Echo. I've got an appointment to interview Michael E. Curtis junior.

Make-up girl I'm sorry there's been a change in filming schedule and we ...

Michael E. Curtis It’s OK: Make-up girl But I haven't done your make-up yet,

Mr Curtis. Michael E. Curtis Come in, Louise.

Louise (voice over) It was him! I felt I'd known him all my life. I wanted to ask him about his love life, but I had to be patient. This was my big chance!

Louise Well, er, can I ask you some questions about your childhood?

Michael E. Curtis Yeah, sure. Louise Did you want to be an actor when you

were at school? Michael E. Curtis No! Before leaving school I only

wanted to make money. So I left school in the fourth grade. Even though I was real good at math.

Louise So what did you do before becoming an actor?

Michael E. Curtis My uncle had a big department store in downtown Chicago. When I called him up, he gave me a job as a sales clerk. Thirty bucks a week! I couldn't even afford gas for my Chevy.

Louise For your what? Michael E. Curtis My Chevy. My car was a Chevrolet - a

Chevy. I had already worked there for a couple of months, when I got a job as a cab driver.

Louise But how did you first get into films? Michael E. Curtis In the first movie, I got a job as an

extra... since then I've been really lucky. Louise You said once that your family carne

from England. Michael E. Curtis That's right. Some of my mother's

family came to America over three hundred years ago. They had already fought against the British, when they fought against the Indians. My great-great-great-granddady was at Yorktown in 1781. That's when you British finally surrendered. But my father, of course, had Italian blood...

*** Jilly But the readers of the Echo don't want

to know about Michael E. Curtis's ancestors. Instead of hearing about all that, they want some exciting personal

details! Clive Yea, they want to know about his love

life. Tom That's right. They want to know about

his latest girlfriend. Marco Did you ask him about that? Louise I did, but in spite of all my questions, he

wanted to talk about his ancestors. ***

Michael E. Curtis ... in the Civil War, my relatives fought against each other.

Louise That's very interesting, Mr Curds. Can I ask you one or two more personal questions?

Michael E. Curtis My private life is very uninteresting. I'm sure you would prefer to hear about the film we are making here in England. It's about the Pilgrim Fathers.

Louise Are there any love scenes?

Michael E. Curtis No. Most of the Pilgrim Fathers were just poor farmers who lived here in England in the seventeenth century. They believed in the Bible, but they didn't agree with the Church of England. Oh, no sirree! They were Puritans.

Louise So, Mr Curtis, you are playing the role of a Puritan in this film.

Michael E. Curtis That's right. Louise That must be difficult for you. People

don't usually think of Michael E. Curtis as a Puritan.

Michael E. Curtis Well, no, I guess they don't. Louise Your relationship with Janie

McPherson wasn't exactly ... pure. Michael E. Curtis Never heard of her. Of course, the

Puritans were persecuted for their religious beliefs. In the film, I am playing the role of one of the leaders of the Puritan group.

Louise And do you have a girlfriend at present, Mr Curtis?

Michael E. Curtis No. The British persecuted the pilgrims, so they decided to settle in America.

Louise There are reports that you were kissing Denise Rampling at a party.

Michael E. Curtis Miss Cast, I have never touched a woman in my life. I'm on my way to Plymouth. A hundred of my brothers and sisters are ready to sail across the seas to the Americas.

Louise That's very good, Mr Curtis, but our readers want to know about the affair with Claudia ...

Man Call for Mr Curtis. Michael E. Curtis Good ship Mayflower is waiting for

me. Our journey from England to America will be a long one. I must go now. I wish you well, Miss Case, and

thank you for your interest in our venture. God be with you.

Louise Michael's a fantastic actor, isn't he? Make-up girl I could tell you a thing or two about

Michael E. Curtis ... Louise Really! Sit down ...

*** Clive So you didn't get a story from

Michael E. Curtis. The editor won't be happy.

Louise No. I didn't get a story from Michael, but I got an excellent one from his make-up girl. I heard all about his love life. I could tell you a thing or two about Michael E. Curtis.

Clive Go on then ...

B AS THEY SAY IN AMERICA . . .

Street interviews Nigel I sometimes say 'hi' instead of 'hello', but

that's about it, I think. Sean I say 'hi' a lot when I meet people instead of

'hello'. I sometimes say 'how are you doing' and when I go to the States to visit my parents, I pick up a lot of American English.

Julia I like to say words like 'hi'. Gareth I think I use American English quite a lot, I

say 'hi' not 'hello'. Christopher When I'm with my friends I’ll say, ‘hi, how

are you?' Or when I'm saying goodbye, I'll say, 'Have a nice day'. But I try not to use too many Americanisms.

*** Tamsen I use loads of American English all the time,

‘cool', 'man', 'brilliant', it's just part of me, I mix it up, I use English English and American English.

*** Mrs Simpson I try not to. I find myself saying 'hi" to

people who are younger than me. I wouldn't say it to somebody of my age, I don't think, but on the whole, I'm rather traditionally English, I'm afraid, and I speak that way as much as I can.

John No, I don't, I don't use any American English, no.

Dennis I don't think I do, I don't consciously use American English - perhaps the odd word may slip in.

Mrs Cornish We don't use any American English, we're not used to it and it's something we haven't picked up.

Mr Cornish Quite right.

News from the past Trevor Good evening. Here is the news from 7hat's

English! First, the headlines ... The Gold Rush in the Klondike ... Over thirty thousand prospectors arrive at Bonanza Creek ... And the world's tallest building. But our main story tonight is the Gold

Rush at Bonanza Creek. So over to David Simons, our correspondent in North America. David, what is the latest news from the Klondike?

David Well, Trevor, it's fantastic! I have never seen anything like it. In spite of being in the middle of nowhere, thousands of people are arriving every day. And already prospectors have discovered over seventy million dollars' worth of gold.

Trevor How much is that in British money, David? David In British money, that's around thirty million

pounds. Trevor And where do these prospectors come from? David Well, it's interesting, Trevor. These people not only

come from America, but from all over the world. There are Australians, Chinese, Italians, French, Germans, Spanish, as well as Irish and Scots.

Trevor Thank you, David. Good luck to them! And now for today's other main story. In Chicago, work has started on a nine-storey building. Instead of walking up stairs, the office workers will climb into a box which automatically takes them to the correct floor. And after taking them up, let's hope it brings them down as well! There are Americans, Irish, Italians, Germans and British all working on the building, and some people are calling it a 'skyscraper'. Silly name! But that's all from me until tomorrow night. Till then ... goodnight.

From the archive Voiceover Way out west in the heartland of

Derbyshire, the American Adventure theme park offers the complete American experience. They've striven to make everything authentic - the music, the cos-tumes, the shows, the rides. But there's one last detail they haven't yet quite mastered.

Girl Eh up, me duck, how are you going on? Are you having a right good time?

Woman I am, thank you very much. Voiceover Try as they will, they've not been able to

mimic a Deep South drawl. But since it is supposed to be the complete American experience, that Derbyshire accent had to go.

Randall Oliver Have a nice day! Whole class Have a nice day!

Voiceover Now each morning the staff gather for the most unusual training session of their careers, American elocution lessons.

Randall Oliver Say again. Boy Good morning.

Randall Oliver Anybody here detect a Derbyshire accent in that. One more time.

Boy Good morning. Randall Oliver Say 'Howdy all, good morning.'

Girl Howdy all, good morning. Randall Oliver OK. Who rides on the ... the Buffalo ride?

Voiceover Their teacher is a professional actor at the park who really does come from Texas where it seems You learn either to succeed as actor or teacher or die in the attempt.

Interviewer How difficult is it to ... er ... make Derbyshire folk speak with an American acccni?

Randall Oliver Well, it's, it's not as difficult as I thought it would be, but, er, it's, it's turned out to he pretty easy in fact, all we gotta get them to do is pronounce the vowels and roll the 'r’s.

Interviewer And - why are you doing it? Randall Oliver Why am I doing it, teaching them the

American accent? Well, er, they ... because of the expression of the theme park, you know, it is the American Adventure and they want everyone out here, when they greet the folks and say goodbye to the folks, they want them to sound as authentic as they can, especially, er, bringing back a little bit of the old west, you know so, have to keep everything authentic.

Girl Howdy, folks, how you doing? Are you having a good time here? ... That's great!

How to be British Mike Hello. I'm doing some research into my family history.

I'm a writer - I'm going to write a book about our family.

John Did you lock the car? Mike Don't interrupt, please. My family history is very inter-

esting. Some of us were on the Mayflower, you know. Oh, yes. After arriving in America, we rode west - west to Califomia!

John Have you got car insurance? Mike I'm looking for a book on the Mayflower. I know

there's one by James Perigrew. He was one of my ancestors on my mother's side.

John It's important. Mike It's very rude to interrupt. Wait until I’ve finished my

conversation with the librarian. I must apologise for my friend. What was I saying? ... Oh, yea, I come from a long line of pioneers.

John There's a man by your car. Mike Look, if it's really important, say 'Excuse me'. John Excuse me, there's a man by your car. Mike That's better. I'm sure my book is going to be a best-

seller. John He's opening the door. Mike Of course, writing comes quite naturally to me ... John He's getting into your car. Mike Some people struggle with it ... John He's driving off. Bye bye. Mike You really must learn some manners. What is it? What

do you want? John Someone has just stolen your car. Mike Well, why didn't you tell me? Idiot!

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) The United States of America has played a very

important role in the spread of English throughout the world. But it all began with a few determined English settlers.

Sara (VO) In the middle of the sixteenth century, England was experiencing a serious economic crisis.

And as Spain had already colonized Central and South America, the new explorers had to go to the north of the New World to find new lands.

Gary (VO) In 1582, Walter Raleigh asked Queen Elizabeth the First for permission to establish the first English colony in the New World. His cousin, Humphrey Gilbert, was the captain of the ship that set out from London, down the Thames. The ship arrived on the shores of Terranova, and later continued on to Virginia. But this first attempt to set up a colony didn't succeed.

Sara (VO) 1607 was an important date in the British colonization of the New World. Captain John Smith arrived at Hampton Rod, on the shores of Virginia, with a group of settlers. Here they founded the city of Jamestown, the first English colony in North America. Jamestown started to grow thanks to the cultivation and export of a new crop: tobacco.

Gary (VO) In the meantime, important social and religious changes were taking place in England. A group of Puritans refused to accept the newly established Anglican Church and were thrown out of the country. In 1620, a hundred and three of these Puritans set out from Plymouth, in England, on a ship called the Mayflower. They were the ' Pilgrim Fathers'.

Sara (VO) The Mayflower landed at Cape Cod, in present-day Massachusetts. The Pilgrim Fathers decided to set up a new colony, to which they gave the name Plymouth. A year later, when they gathered their first harvest, they gave thanks to God. This is the origin of Thanksgiving Day, one of the most important holidays in the United States.

Sara (VO) A few years later, other Puritans founded the city of Salem, and later, Boston, which would eventually become the commercial capital of New England.

Gary (VO) The Pilgrim Fathers were not the only ones to emigrate for religious reasons. Quakers settled in Pennsylvania. Their leader, William Penn, founded the city of Philadelphia. This city later played an important role in the American War of Independence .

Gary (VO) We spoke to Robert Burchell about the beginnings of the British colonization of the New World. Mr Burchell is an historian and the director of the Centre for North American Studies at the British Museum.

Sara (VO) In what way was North America colonized by the British?

Historian Mainly by individuals paying for themselves and in a minority of cases promising their labour for a period of years.

Sara (VO) Who were those people and why did they make the voyage?

Historian Most of them went out to improve their standard of living. A minority, like those who went on the Mayflower, were religious refugees.

Sara (VO) How has religion influenced American culture? Historian Very greatly. Partly because some Americans

have tended to see America as almost an Israel to which they have gone to build a new land.

Sara (VO) What did the colonization of the New World mean for Great Britain?

Historian In the first instance it meant wealth. And the provision of investments and returns to capital. It also of course was a place to which you could send convicts and other undesirables, and, of course, in general export overpopulation.

Gary (VO) The New World split into two big blocks: the south belonged to Spain and Portugal, and the north mainly to England. There were, however, important differences in the way each block was colonized. Mr Burchell told us about them.

Historian In the Spanish case the state and the church played central roles. But in the English case, in the British case, the state and the church did not play a role. It was the individuals themselves who made the decision to emigrate and who built the societies once they arrived.

Gary (VO) The first settlers showed the way. Many others followed and transformed the old British colony into a new nation: the United States of America.

3 MONEY, MONEY, MONEY

A COULD I HAVE A RECEIPT, PLEASE? Jilly By the way I forgot to congratulate you on the story

about Michael E. Curtis. Did you read it, Tom? Tom Yes.

Louise What did you think? Tom Well, it's not really news, is it? I'm more interested

in serious news stories. Jilly Well, I thought it was interesting, anyway.

Louise I've had hundreds of letters from readers about it. Jilly I think it's your turn to buy the drinks, Tom. Tom I'd buy them if I had any money. But I'm broke. I

haven't got a penny. Jilly But you got paid last week. Tom Yes, well, I've spent all the money. Oh, by the way,

did you hear about the man who won ten million pounds on the lottery?

Marco Yes. Tom Well, I went to interview his sister yesterday.

*** Tom Hello, I'm from the Echo.

Lil I don't talk to reporters. Tom Well, look, I'd like to ask you a few questions. I

understand your brother, Billy, has won the lottery and has disappeared without giving you a penny.

Lil That's right. And Billy owes me twenty-eight pounds and forty-seven pence.

Tom And he's just disappeared with millions of pounds! Lil Yes! Anyway, you can have the whole story if you

like. Tom Can I? Thanks!

Lil But you'll have to pay me.

Tom What! Lil I've got bills to pay. Fifty pounds for the story and a

photograph. Tom Fifty pounds? That's too much. Forty pounds?

Lil All right. In advance. And cash only. No credit cards.

Tom I haven't got forty pounds. Lil I see. Well, when you give me the cash, I'll give you

the story. Tom All right. Here you are. Er, could I have a receipt,

please? Lil I got nothing. And look at this. The milkman came

round with his bill. Billy owed him seventeen pounds fifty for three weeks' milk.

Tom Yes, well. Now look, where is Billy? Do you know where he is?

Lil Maybe I know where he is, and maybe I don't. Tom I see. Where is he, Mrs Baily?

Lil Another ten pounds? Tom Here you are. Any chance of a receipt?

Lil Sorry, dear. He's in Jamaica. I got a postcard from him.

Tom You did? Lil Yea. Here.

Tom I understand. It'll cost ten pounds. Don't worry about the receipt.

Lil That’ll do nicely. Thank you very much. Tom (reading) Very hot! Having a lovely time. I am glad

you are not here. Billy. P.S. Could you pay the milkman for me. Make sure he doesn't try to overcharge you.

Tom Don't worry, Mrs Bailey. We’ll find him for you. Lil No, you won't catch Billy. You know, I’d kill him if

he came back now. Tom If he's in Jamaica, the Echo will find him. May I use

your phone? All right. How much? I haven't got any change left. I've only got a five-pound note.

Lil That's all right. Thank you, dear. ***

Tom I rang the Echo and they rang a correspondent in the West Indies. I thought I had a wonderful story!

Louise I'm not surprised You can't afford a drink. Jilly What would you like, Tom? Tom A pint of bitter, please. Oh, and can you ask for a

receipt? Maybe I can claim for it. But that's not the end of the story. As I was leaving the house, I got the surprise of my life. I thought I had a big story.

*** Lil Billy!

Billy Lil, my darling! Lil You're back! And you look so well. What a lovely

suntan. Mind you, I wouldn't like all that heat. Billy A little present for you.

Lil Oh, what is it? Billy It was the biggest I could find.

Lil Oh, look at that diamond. Oh, isn't it lovely! Billy Who's he? Tom I'm from the Echo, Billy

Lil He wanted to know what you were like. So I told him . . A heart of gold, I said. Oh, it's nice to have you home.

Billy It's good to be back. Yes, and I'm going to see a football match tonight. England are playing at home.

Lil Yes. I thought you'd be back for that. Bye, dear. Tom Billy!

Lil Billy's shy. He doesn't like talking to reporters. Neither do I.

*** Tom So, that was that. And then, when I got back to the

office, the editor said I couldn't claim my sixty-five pounds because I hadn't got a receipt! Thank you, Lil. Er, Jilly, by the way, I wonder if you could lend me fifty pounds until next Thursday? I'd go to the bank, but, well, you see, I'm overdrawn at the moment. Great, thank you, Jilly.

Jilly Tom, could I have a receipt, please?

B IT'S ONLY MONEY

How to be British John Is this a good time to talk to you? Mike Yes of course. John I hope you don't think I'm being difficult. Mike Well, I don't know, do I? John You see, the point is ... Mike Yes? Come on. What do you want to tell me? John Well, I don't want to tell you anything. Mike Oh, well then. John No, I actually want to discuss something with you. Mike I'm all ears. John The thing is Mike What? John The washing-up liquid. Mike What about it? John I always buy the washing-up liquid. Mike Yea, I know. John It's not expensive. Mike No. John One pound thirty-two pence, to be precise. Mike Really. John Oh, yes. Washing-up liquid has gone up a lot since

you last bought it. Mike I see. John Where are you going? Mike I'm going to watch television. Look. There are thou-

sands of topics we could talk about - millions of topics. Art, politics, women, football. And you want to talk about washing-up liquid. I'm going to watch television.

John What I'm trying to say ... Mike Yes? John I'm trying to say ... Mike Yes? John Would it be possible for you to pay for the

washing-up liquid this time? I mean, part of it, anyway?

Mike Yea, of course! Why didn't you say so in the first place? Goodness me, we're friends, aren't we? Is fifty pence all right?

Street interviews Tamsen If I won the National Lottery, I’d buy lots of cars. I

can't drive, so I'd have to learn to drive first, but I would buy lots of sports cars, big red ones.

Sean If I won the lottery, the first thing I'd do is go and live somewhere else, somewhere where the sun shines all the time. I'd probably buy a nice house by the sea and spend my days lying by the pool drinking exotic cocktails.

Derek If I won the lottery, I'd probably spend two weeks on some distant islands enjoying myself, lapping up the waves and then I'd probably come back and realize that I've got very little money left and I'd have to go out and get a real job.

Louisa If I won the National Lottery, I wouldn't be one of these people who said it wouldn't change me, I'd invest a certain amount, but I'd certainly enjoy a lot. I'd spend most of it.

Vicki If I won the National Lottery, I’d give the money to my mum, nan, dad, spend some. I might give some to charity, um, like the cancer fund.

*** Dennis I wouldn't want to change my life at all. I'm very

happy as I am. If you change your life, you change all your friends or lose all your friends. I think I'd be very unhappy to win the National Lottery.

News from the past Trevor Good evening. Here is the news from That's

English! First the headlines ... Good news from the Stock Exchange as Great Britain's exports increase again ... Charles S. Rolls meets Henry Royce ... And, American Express introduce the traveller's cheque. But first our main story tonight is about the export figures for the past twelve months. Over to our economics correspondent, Peter O'Henry. Peter, are these export figures as good as people say?

Peter Yea, Trevor, they are. It's official. Britain is now the richest country in the world, and it looks as though it's going to stay that way for a very long time. Of course, much of this wealth comes from the British Empire.

Trevor Peter, there is talk in the City of London of a possible decline in the British Empire in the next century.

Peter Ha, ha, ha! There may be talk, Trevor, but that's all absolute nonsense! You know, all the experts say the British Empire will last for ever.

Trevor Are you sure? Peter If I had any money, I’d bet on it.

Trevor Thank you, Peter. Two talented men met today. Mr Henry Royce, who makes electrical equipment, and the wealthy sportsman, Mr Charles S. Rolls. They say they will open a factory to make the best cars in the world. So watch out for those Royce Rolls cars. And finally, a company called American Express have invented their own kind of money for travellers. They're calling the new type of money traveller's cheques. Thanks very much, but I think I’ll stick to pounds, shillings and pence for the time being.

From the archive Voiceover Christmas in Knightsbridge - amidst the festive

lights and trees, a glittering display of goods for those who can pay and even for some who can't.

Wendy If you haven't got cash readily available and you've got a bit of plastic in your hand. and you see something you want to buy for your family or your friends, it's easy to just go and use it, get what you want and worry about it afterwards.

Voiceover Wendy Workman ran up a debt of nearly seven thousand pounds on an income of just eleven thousand a year, some of it on a collection of store cards. Easily available in High Streets, they're convenient, especially for those who are finding seasonal expenses are getting on top of them, but when this Christmas's reckoning comes, it may well be particularly hard to swallow. Over two years ago, with interest base rates at fifteen per cent, these well-known stores were charging an annual percentage rate around and above thirty per cent. John Lewis was an honourable exception. Now with base rates more than halved, the big stores' rates have barely moved.

MP Frankly there is no justification for those rates of interest. What it means is that those stores are probably making as much money out of lending out money as they are actually trading as a store.

Voiceover One shopper, though, won't be tempted by those special offers this Christmas. Wendy Workman doesn't carry plastic anymore preferring to know exactly what she has in her purse.

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) For the British, horse racing is more

than just a sport or pastime. Going to the races is also a social event, even part of British cultural tradition. Over five million spectators every year visit one of the many race courses all over the country. They watch the races and... they also bet.

Gary (VO) There are different types of bets. For example, on the Tote, prizes depend on the number of people who have backed the winner. That is, all the money is divided among the winners.

Gary (VO) But you can also bet with any of the many bookmakers that you can find in the betting ring, next to the course. Each bookmaker, or 'bookie' as they are affectionately called, can offer any price he pleases. They have boards where they advertise the odds they are offering. The bets themselves are rewritten into their books.

Sara (VO) The betting ring is like a microworld with its own rules and it even has its own sign language

Sara (VO) An afternoon at the races can be an

exciting way of passing the time, even if you are not very lucky.

Gary (VO) But you can also bet outside the race courses. In all big towns you can find betting shops that are open nearly every day of the year. Here, you can follow horse races and other sports events on television screens. These events are transmitted by satellite from anywhere in the United Kingdom or even anywhere in the world.

Sara (VO) Trevor Spellman, a manager of Ladbrokes, told us about some of the things you can bet on here. You can bet on anything at Ladbrokes except the Royal Family or death. Mainly horse racing, greyhounds, rugby, football, motor racing, cricket, tennis...

Sara (VO) What's the biggest prize a person can win with a bet?

Trevor Spellman The biggest amount anyone can winin any one day is a million pounds.

Gary (VO) As you've just heard, you can bet on anything except the Royal Family. Most people bet onthe horses , although some prefer other kinds of bets. Trevor Spellman told us about some of the stranger bets that have been made at Ladbrokes.

Trevor Spellman Well, there's quite a few what you would call off-bets. For example,we have 'Alien beings landing on Earth before the year 2000. That's 200to 1. 'Package holidays to the moon', 50 to 1. A woman president of the USA before the end of the century, 500 to 1. 'The Loch Ness monsterto be found and authenticated', 50 to 1. 'Kylie Minogue to win an Oscar. That's 100 to 1. Cliff Richard to get a knighthood before the end of the century', 4 to 1.".

Sara (VO) But the game where you can win the most money is the new National Lottery. This is thefirst draw, in November 1994, transmitted to the whole country by the BBC.The secret of the enormous success of this game is in the prizes you can win. The record,up to now, is over eighteen million pounds.

Gary (VO) We couldn't speak to the winner of the eighteen million pounds.He's probably somewherein the Caribbean. But we spoke to a lady who won an important prize. Let's hear how much.

Lottery winner I won a hundred and thirty-four

thousand pounds. Gary (VO) What did you do with that

money? Lottery winner I bought a brand-new car. I bought

my mother a new cooker. And I'm going away onholiday. Lots of holidays.

Gary (VO) How much did you spend on the lottery ticket?

Lottery winner Just one pound. Gary (VO) A hundred and thirty-four thousand

pounds for just one pound. A good investment, don't youthink?Margaret, however, hopes to be luckier and win a bigger prize.

Lottery winner Why not? Maybe the million next time.

Gary (VO) What would you do with the money, if you won a million pounds?/What would you do if youwon a million pounds?

Lottery winner Buy a bigger car, not work, buy a big house, and perhaps live in Spain for a while.

4 LANGUAGE AND BEHAVIOUR

A D**N! Tom What a terrible night! It's freezing.

Louise It's not as cold as it was last night. Tom No, but it wasn't raining. Oh, damn!

Marco When I first came to England, my friend in Italy, he told me about the English. He said, 'In England they always talk about the weather. They never talk about food like we Italians. They talk about the weather.' He said if I want to do well, I should learn to talk about the weather, like the English.

Tom Nonsense! I never talk about the weather. Marco My first job in England was in a hotel. I was a

good waiter, but I didn't understand ... you know ... the English way.

Tom You mean the 'correct' way of behaving. ***

Mrs Smythe Would you mind if I sat by the window? Marco I don't mind, Missus. You can sit where you

want. Are you OK, Missus? What do you want?

Mrs Smythe Could you get me a menu, please? Marco Here, the menu.

(voiceover) She was not very friendly. So I talked to her about the weather. It's cold.

Mrs Smythe I'm warm enough, thank you. Marco No. In England, it's cold. It's always raining...

Mrs Smythe How interesting. Marco Right, what do you want, Missus?

Mrs Smythe I'll have the minestrone soup to start with, please.

Marco You shouldn't have the minestrone, Missus.

It's rubbish. I had the soup at lunch time. I took a spoonful. It's bloody horrible.

Mrs Smythe Well, really! Marco I only tell you because it's no good.

Mrs Smythe Then I'd like the avocado for the starter. And for the main course, I would like the steak. I like my steak well done. Did you hear what I said? I like it well done.

*** Marco Damn good avocado, eh? It's better than that

minestrone rubbish. ***

Mrs Smythe Waiter, I asked for my steak well done ... look at this.

Marco Damn! I'll change it pronto. Mrs Smythe What did you say!

Marco I said 'damn'! Mrs Smythe How dare you!

Marco I’ll get you a steak that is well done, Missus. ***

Marco At that time, I didn't know what was wrong with the woman.

Jilly I suppose an English waiter would say, 'I'm terribly sorry, madam. I'm so sorry. I really am sorry.’

Marco I think the English are quite polite. The manager of the hotel asked me to go to his office. In Italy the manager would say, ‘Marco, you're finished. You're no good'. But the English manager, he's a very nice man. Very friendly.

*** Manager Ah, Marco, how are you?

Marco Me? I'm fine. I like this job. Manager Sit down, please.

Marco I'm OK- I have to vacuum in the dining room ...

Manager Please ... sit down. Marco It's not raining now.

Manager No, it isn't. Marco Maybe the sun will come out, no?

Manager I don't think so, Marco. Mrs Smythe has made a complaint. She said that you swore at her.

Marco No, Marco is always polite to women. Manager She complained about her steak and you swore

at her. Marco Ah, yea! I said to her, 'Damn! I'll change it

pronto’. Manager You should never talk like that in the

restaurant. Marco OK, I'll never say 'damn' to a customer again.

Manager Unfortunately, Mrs Smythe is not a customer. She is the owner of the restaurant.

Marco Damn! No. I don't mean damn. I’ll talk to Mrs Smythe. I’ll tell her I’m sorry. I need the job. I am a good waiter. In Italy, everyone says Marco is a good waiter.

*** Marco It made no difference. I begged her to keep me

as a waiter, but the sacked me. Ob, what a horrible day!

Jilly So she sacked you for swearing and for being impolite.

Marco That is true. Jilly And now you're food critic at the Echo!

Marco That's right! Well, here's to Mrs Srnythe. Clive Hello, everyone! How are you all! My God,

it's cold out there!

B MANNERS

Street interviews Nigel I find it bad manners when people don’t do

what they said they were going to do. Lucy I think it's very bad manners to interrupt

somebody and it's bad manners to be impolite. I think people should always be friendly.

Julia You should never be rude to older people, I think that's bad manners.

Christopher Swearing in public I think is very bad manners.

Nigel I think the British have a reputation for being polite, but I'm not sure whether that's really true.

Gareth Bad manners are not being aware of the other person.

man Keith I think bad manners is all a question of

context. It depends where you are, it depends what country you're in and even how old you are. Do you know for example that in Japan, it's bad manners to blow your nose in public, but in Britain we do it all the time.

Mrs Simpson People just don't say 'thank you' enough. Tamsen I hate it when people don't say 'please' and

'thank you'. I say 'please' and 'thank you'. Why shouldn't they?

How to be British Mike Would you like a cup of tea? John Yes. Mike Yes, what? John Yea, I would like a cup of tea. Mike No. John No? But you asked me ... Mike No, this is important. When I say, 'Would you like a

cup of tea?', you mustn't say 'Yes.' John Oh ... But I want a cup of tea. Mike Yes, I know. But you shouldn't say, 'Yes.' John Why not? What should I say? Mike Look. You ask me. Go on. Ask me. Would you like ...

? John Would you like a cup of tea? Mike Yes, please. John Ah, yes please. Mike That's right. Please. Well, go on, then. John Go on what? Mike Go on, please. John Go on what, please? Mike Get me a cup of tea, please. You just asked me ... John I asked you? What did I ask you?

Mike Would you like a cup of tea? John Yea, please. I'd love one, please.

From the archive Woman Well, hello Bill, how are you?

Bill 0K, I guess. Voiceover Bill, aren't you going to learn? You're being very

rude to Martha's mother, she thinks you're very impolite. Look at you, sprawled out on that chair, you're supposed to rise when an adult speaks to you, everybody knows that. Now let's back up and try it again and see if you can be polite ... Oh, come on Bill, sit up, that's a chair not a bed ... that's better, watch it now, here she comes.

Woman Well, hello Bill, how are you? Bill Fine, thanks, I didn't expect to see you in

costume -that's pretty clever. Woman Well, thank you, you did pretty well yourself.

Bill Oh, thanks, do you like it? Woman I certainly do. Where's E1len? I want to see her.

Have fun. Voiceover Well, now, wasn't that better, look at the effect

of a little politeness. You've had a very pleasant talk with Martha's mother.

Bill Well, she seemed friendlier than usual. Voiceover That's because you were friendly and courteous.

News from the past Trevor Hello. Here is the news from That’s English! First

the headlines ... Women demand the same rights as men ... And should children be seen but not heard? A special report out today. But first the main story. More and more women are wanting equal rights with men. Some are even asking for the vote. Over to our special correspondent, Nick Diamond, who's outside the house of Mrs Pankhurst. Nick, what is it exactly that these women want?

Nick Well, Trevor, believe it or not, some of the women here, such as Mrs Pankhurst, say they should have the same rights and opportunities as men!

Trevor How extraordinary! Are there many of these women?

Nick Well, Trevor, there are only a few, but the numbers are-growing each day.

Trevor And do you think these women will succeed? Nick Well Trevor, I think that's very unlikely. As you

know, Trevor, most women still do exactly what their husbands tell them.

Trevor And what about their other demand - jobs for women?

Nick Well, Trevor, I don't think we will ever see a woman doing my job ... or your job.

Trevor Phew! Thanks, Nick. And finally a report out today says that some parents allow their children to talk at meal times. The report also says that fewer children are calling their father 'sir' or by the proper latin title 'pater'. Isn't discipline in the home getting worse? Yes, I'm afraid it is! That's all from me until tomorrow night. Till then . . . goodnight.

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) For centuries there was a rigid separation

between social classes in Great Britain. Sara (VO) This led to different social behaviour and

even differences in language between upper and lower classes.

Gary (VO) It was said that it was possible to identify a person's social class from their accent.

Sara (VO) To find out if this is still true nowadays, we asked Michael Argyle, a psychologist, if he thinks the class system in Great Britain is as rigid as it's always been.

Psychologist Yes, it is widely believed that there are big class differences in Britain, but I don't believe this is right, because if you look at the dispersion of incomes we are about the same in our income inequality as other European countries, and we are more equal than America. And if you look at social mobility, the number of people who go up or who go down, this is about the same as anywhere else. Where there is a difference, I think, is in our speech style. There are very big differences in accents and that makes people's class very obvious and easily identified."

Gary (VO) These beautiful façades belong to some clubs. They're near Piccadilly, an area of London, which has been known as 'Clubland' since the last century.

Sara (VO) The club is a typically British institution. We've chosen it as the perfect example of a system of strict class segregation.

Gary (VO) Clubs also show some taboos in British society.

Sara (VO) To talk about taboos and clubs we spoke to a specialist, the sociologist Susan Merchant.

Sara (VO) Could you give an example of a strong taboo in British society?

Susan I suppose if we are talking about taboos we could actually link it in with the class system in England. It's very difficult... if you look at someone coming from the lower classes, they've got an accent. To be accepted into the upper classes, with their lower-class accent, is quite difficult. Particularly if it's a male.

Sara (VO) One of the most well-known taboos about clubs is the fact that women are excluded. A respected club found itself in trouble when Margaret Thatcher was elected Prime Minister.

Gary (VO) It was a tradition in that club to grant membership to all British Prime Ministers, but ... women were not allowed to join.

Sara (VO) Nowadays women can go into certain areas of men's clubs, but they can't be members.

Gary (VO) We asked Susan if some clubs still require 'strange conditions' for the admission of a new member.

Susan ... about strange conditions? I think if you are talking about whites, you've got to be male. No females are allowed. Just simply males

and you're talking about middle to upper class.

Sara (VO) Clubs are certainly quiet places, ideal for reading, studying, meditating, or if one so wishes, for boredom.

Gary (VO) Many of these clubs are real museums. They house beautiful old furniture ... crockery ... beautiful prints and paintings ... portraits of distinguished members.

Sara (VO) In the past there were some strange clubs, such as the Club of Silence, whose members were not allowed to speak, or the Club of Fat Men. But only the more artistic, political or aristocratic have survived up to the present.

Gary (VO) Clubs now have economic problems and have been declining since the 1950s, but in former times they were meeting places for important people of the British cultural, scientific or political worlds.

Sara (VO) I think one can say that the most important decisions in the British history of the last two centuries have been made within their walls. But I think one can also say that time here has stood still.

5 LET'S MAKE A MOVIE!

A LIGHTS, ROLL CAMERA . . . ACTION! Marco What's on at the cinema?

Clive Um ... there's The Killer Baby, Small Town Massacre, Reservoir of Blood and, oh, Violent Death part 3.

Tom Gosh. What's The Killer Baby about? Clive It's about a baby. . . a baby who kills other babies. Tom Oh! Yes. That sounds good. Great. Where's it on? Clive At the Canon. It was directed by Robin Hoyle ...

There's a review here. It's a film about how we need to experience violence in order to understand ourselves.

Louise I just can't watch violent films. Jilly I've got a neighbour who's taken up film-making. Tom Really? Jilly It all started last Tuesday. Every Tuesday morning I

have to put the rubbish out. I hate putting the rubbish out...

*** Derek Good. Good. Don't stop.

Jilly Derek, what are you doing? Derek Don't look at the camera!

Jilly I don't want to be filmed in my dressing gown. Derek Why not? It's real life. I'm making a documentary

about Rosehill Crescent, a documentary which shows life as it really is. We film people call it 'cinema verité'. 'Verité' means real life, Jilly. Real people. Ordinary people. People like you.

Jilly Thank you, Derek. It sounds fascinating. Quentin Tarantino must be worried!

Derek Jilly, could you take the rubbish inside and then bring it out again?

Jilly Do you think I like taking the rubbish out?

Derek I want to get a picture of your face now. We film people call it a 'close-up'.

Jilly No one wants to watch me taking my rubbish out. Derek It won't take a minute.

Jilly I'm going to be late for work. Derek This is art, Jilly.

Jilly What an idiot! Derek Jilly, I’ll call 'Lights, roll camera and . . . action!!!'

Jilly What are you talking about? There aren't any lights. Derek No. I know.

Jilly It's just what you film people say, I suppose. Derek Please, Jilly. It won't take a second. OK? Lights, roll

camera . . . and action! Cut! Cut! Jilly, darling. Could you try to look happier? Yes? A bit of a smile? OK. Positions everyone. Resident putting out rubbish. Take two. Lights, roll camera ... and action! Cut!

Jilly What now? Derek Jilly, could you hold the rubbish a bit higher.

Jilly Derek, I thought you said this was called 'cinema verité’.

Derek It is, but I can't see the rubbish. That's it. Marvellous. Once more then please, Jilly. Lights, roll camera ... and action!

*** Jilly He made me to do the same take six times.

Clive It's a good role for you. Tom People will think that you're a rubbish actor.

*** Jilly He's bought a camcorder and he thinks he's Martin

Scorcese. Anyway, Derek became a verité nuisance. He even tried to stop the traffic in the High Street so that he could film my partner shopping. As he was struggling with the gate, the groceries went all over the path.

*** Errol Oh, damn! Aren't you going to help me?

Derek No. It's marvellous. It's so natural. Jilly We were sitting in the back garden when we realised

we were being watched. Derek That's wonderful!

Jilly No, it's not. What about our privacy? Errol Will you please stop filming.

Derek Ah, that's it. Real emotion! Get angry. Errol I've had enough.

Derek Let's see some action. ***

Jilly His camera was ruined. I hope that's the end of Derek's career as a film director.

Tom It could be the beginning of a new career for you. You do look a bit like Ingmar Bergman.

Jilly Thanks very much. Ingmar Bergman is a man. Clive He's the one who directed Fanny and Alexander. I

think he means Ingrid Bergman, the actress. Tom No, no. I meant Ingmar.

B MOVING PICTURES

News from the past Trevor Good evening. Here is the news from That’s

English! First the headlines ... The Lumière

Brothers create the first moving pictures ... Audiences watch films of anything that moves ... Pubs and churches empty because of movie madness. Tonight's main headline is the moving image. And we are going over to Nick Diamond, our media correspondent. Nick, first, who are the Lumière Brothers?

Nick Well, Trevor, they are Auguste and Louis Lumière, who come from Lyon in France.

Trevor Haven't moving images already been shown in America by Thomas Edison?

Nick Yes. that's absolutely right, Trevor. But Thomas Edison's pictures can only be seen if you look into a box.

Trevor And what about the Lumière Brothers' moving pictures?

Nick They are projected onto a wall, so, for example, a picture of a cat can look as big as a horse.

Trevor A cat as big as a horse! Thank you, Nick. And now to today's other stories. All over the country, audiences are watching moving pictures. Pubs and churches are losing customers, as lots of people go to see the machine they call a 'kinematograph'. People are saying that moving pictures are here to stay. But I doubt it very much. That's all from me until tomorrow night. Till then ... goodnight.

Street interviews Mr Cornish I like westerns and war films.

Mrs Cornish And I like detective, murder mysteries. Vicki Film that I like are comedies, thrillers,

suspense. ***

Nigel I like films that make me think, not a particular type, like horror or science fiction.

Tamsen I like comedies. I think when I go to the cinema, I want to laugh, so I go and see a comedy because they're funny.

Julia I like films which are exciting - action films and, um, films that make me laugh, sort of comedies and things.

Gareth I like comedy most of all and action and adventure films as well.

Christopher I like action films - Schwarzenegger and Jean Claude Van Damme, but I also like the romantic films as well.

*** Keith I think that American films are generally

more polished than British films. More money is invested in them, perhaps more time is taken when you're shooting an American film. English films sometimes are a bit more amateur.

Sean I like European films more than American films, I like French films, modern British films and I particularly like Almodóvar, the Spanish film maker.

John Um, yes, I've, I've enjoyed, I've enjoyed a number of American films, um, I don't go to the cinema that often but I follow it a lot, film reviews and um, um, reviews on television. I

think the last one I went to was Four Weddings and a Funeral, very good.

From the archive Presenter And the winner is... Hugh Grant. Voiceover It was the moment the charming, classically

repressed Englishman took on some of the biggest names in Hollywood and won. And for Hugh Grant, paid just sixty-two thousand pounds to play the diffident bachelor Charles in Four Weddings and a Funeral a moment to savour.

Hugh Uh, God, um, this is ... it, it, it's tragic how much I'm enjoying getting this ...

Voiceover Like the character Charles, Hugh Grant is still single, but his girlfriend of eight years Liz Hurley, was with him for the ceremony. It was special thanks for her ...

Hugh ... and my girlfriend Elizabeth Hurley who put up with easily the nastiest, um, most ill-tempered primadonna-ish actor in English cinema for six weeks, um, and then came back to mc which was really nice.

How to be British Mike Hello, how are you? John Fine. What are you doing? Mike I was trying to kiss you on the cheek. John You can't do that! Mike Why not? John It's not right Mike Yes, it is. John What are people going to think? Two men kissing. Mike Look. I was only greeting you as a friend. John Yes, well. A handshake will do. A firm handshake. Mike How are you? John There's no need for the other hand. One hand is

enough. Mike It's nice to see you. John It's nice to see you, too. Why don't you sit over there?

That's where you usually sit. Mike I like it here. John Sit over there. I can see you better there. Mike I've been watching Godfather 3. John Oh! Is that the film that Francis Ford Coppola

directed? Mike Yes. John He's not a bad director. Mike Yes. Um, I love the way the Italians greet each other.

They kiss and they hug John Yes, but they're Italian. I don't want to kiss you or

hug you. Mike Why not? Why should we be so cold with each other?John Because we're British.

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) These are the famous Pinewood studios,

about thirty kilometres west of London. They're the most famous film studios in Europe and some of the most prestigious in the world.

Gary (VO) Pinewood has several stages on which films

for the cinema or for television are continuously being shot. One of these is the "007 stage", the biggest film stage in the world, where most James Bond films have been shot. It's so big that they could even build the set for a railway station.

Sara (VO) In the last fifty years, hundreds of films have been shot at Pinewood. Some are very well-known, such as 'Aliens' or 'Superman'. This office building, for example, was Robert Redford's palace in 'The Great Gatsby'..

Gary (VO) There seem to be memories of the history of cinema in every corner here at Pinewood.

Sara (VO) During our visit we were able to watch the shooting of a science-fiction film. Gerry Anderson, the director, told us about the film.

Film director Well, what you see behind me here, is a major set, what we call a standing set, for a television series called 'Space Precint'. The stories are really about what one might say New York cops in space. That's why it's called 'Space Precint'. And the heroes are two American policemen from the New York police force sometime in the 21st century, who have moved out to a precint by a planet somewhere in outer space. And this is the police station where they work. And this police station is actually not on the planet, but it is on a satellite orbiting, revolving around the planet, which is called Altor.

Gary (VO) In "Space Precint" many of the characters are aliens. To shoot these scenes they make very sophisticated masks which they then fit onto the actors' faces

Sara (VO) We visited the workshop where these masks are made. They're called "prosthetics" (?).It's an interesting place. Here you can see the new masks for "Space Precint", together with those for monsters and characters from other films made at Pinewood.

Sara (VO) Some of these masks have complex mechanisms to achieve movements and face expressions which are almost human.

Gary (VO) However, it's not easy to shoot with masks and models. We asked Mr Anderson which part of the shooting he finds the hardest Well, 'Space Precint' is a ... being a science-fiction subject is built around complicated model shooting and live-action shooting. Live action is what I do. I'm a live-action film director. And the difficult thing is integrating, tying in together, the model shots and the live-action shots.

Sara (VO) A difficult job, but very interesting. We're sure Mr Anderson enjoys every moment in the making of a film. However, we wanted to know which part he enjoys the most. Well, that is a difficult question for a film director. I like shooting drama, but I also like editing the film together, because you do something on the floor of the stage, you plan it, and then

perhaps when you edit the film you find other solutions to the problems than the one you started out with. I think I prefer shooting but it is difficult to choose for me between making the film, shooting it, and then editing it.

Gary (VO) This was our visit to Pinewood studios. A walk around a part of the history and magic of the cinema.

6 LONE PARENTS

A COOCHI COOCHI All Clive!

Jilly How are you, Clive? Clive I'm fine, thanks. Jilly And how's Stephen?

Clive He's fine. Jilly We haven't seen you for a few weeks.

Clive I know, but it's so difficult to get a babysitter. Tom How old is Stephen now? Clive He's one. It's good to see you all. Yeah, we used to

have a lot of fun. Tom Yes, we really used to enjoy ourselves on Friday

nights. Oh, well ... How did you get on at the office today? It was your first day back, wasn't it?

Clive Well, it was strange to go back to the old office. I was in the world of adults again ...

*** Clive Tom! How are you? Tom Fine. Hello, coochi coochi. What are you doing

here, Clive? Clive Janie asked me to come in. She said that there might

be some freelance work. Tom Great! It's good to see you back. How about a drink

at lunch time? Oh. Ah, I've just remembered - I've got another appointment. Busy, busy, busy. Come to the pub on Friday.

*** Janie Come in, Clive. What's that? Clive It's a baby. Janie I can see that, Clive. What's it doing in my office? Clive I'm sorry, Janie, but I couldn't get a babysitter. Bless

you. Janie I asked you to come to my office. Clive Yes. Janie I expected you to come by yourself. I didn't ask you

to bring a baby Clive This isn't a baby. It's Stephen. Janie I don't care ... Did you see that? Clive What? Janie He smiled at me. He smiled at me ... Oh, isn't he

sweet? What a lovely smile! Oh, coochi, coochi, coochi. Isn't he gorgeous?

Clive You didn't use to like babies. Janie Well, I don't see many, but I love them at this age. I

sometimes think I'd like to have one myself. Right ... to business. We have a new project for Millicheap. I'm expecting to sign the contract this afternoon.

Clive Good. Janie And I need an experienced freelancer. Clive Well, I certainly need the money. Janie And you could bring Stephen into the office. Clive Really? Thanks! I didn't know you liked babies so

much! ***

Clive I've never seen Janie so friendly. She said the company ought to have a crèche to take care of children.

Louise I always thought Janie was a monster. Marco Well, they say the smile of a child can warm the

coldest heart. Clive She even offered me fifteen pounds an hour. But

then things started to go wrong. ***

Janie So if you can start on Monday, three hours a day ... oh, coochi, coochi, coochi ... What's that smell? ... Has he done something?

Clive I'll change his nappy. Janie Not in my office you won't. What's he doing' Those

are important documents No! No!! Clive He thinks you're angry with him. Janie I am angry with him! Hello! Ah, hello Mr

Millicheap. This is Janie Roberts ... No. I'm at the office ... It's nothing. It's just a baby. Shoo! Shoo! Will you go away! I've had enough! No, I was talking to the baby ... not to you, Mr Millicheap. Mr Millicheap, we would like to sign the contract this afternoon ... Mr Millicheap? ... . Mr Millichcap? ... He's gone! Get him out of here! Why can't he behave himself?

Clive He's only one! Janit He has no consideration for other people. Where's

his mother? Clive Stephen, come here. Janie Come here, you! Look, just come here! Clive Oh, Stephen! Are you all right? Janie Is he all right!

*** Clive Anyway, the next day, I got a call from Janie telling

me not to bring Stephen into work again. Louise It must be hard being a single parent - bringing up a

child by yourself. Clive Yes, it is difficult being a single parent because of

other people - people like Janie Roberts...

B FAMILY LIFE Gareth I think family life has changed a lot. Families

used to be more together and now they're broken up more, often families only have one parent, for example.

Dennis Well, certainly it's very different from when I was a boy...

Mrs Simpson Oh, yes, it's very different. The young people leave home as soon as they can after school, uh, they are so much more independent...

Keith I think family life is different in Britain nowadays ... um, one of the things that's different is that children are more

independent and parents give their children a lot more freedom much earlier in life. When I was a child we were often kept at home, we weren't allowed to go out and play late, but I know that my sister has a little girl and she gives her a lot of freedom.

*** Nigel I think family life has become less important

and people rely more on friends than their parents and family.

Lucy Oh, no, I don't think it's different at all, I think the family is still very, very important in England. Well, my family's very important to me anyway.

Julia For some families, life might be different nowadays, but for our family we still get together on Sundays and have big family days together.

How to he British Mike Do you remember being a baby? John No. Mike I do. I used to lie there going 'goo, goo, goo, goo, ga,

ga, ga...’ John Shhh! Don't be disgusting. Mike It isn't disgusting. It's life! It's marvellous! John Don't talk so loud. Mike We all used to be babies, didn't we? John Yea, but there's no need to talk about it in public.

Please! Mike It's life, I tell you! John I'm terribly sorry. He's not himself. He's been unwell. Mike I used to stick my tongue out at people, like this ... John Behave yourself

News from the past Trevor Hello. Here is the news from That’s English! The

headlines ... Today a woman went to work in the City of London ... And, how Queen Victoria brought up her children without a husband. But first, today's main story. Over now to Nick Diamond, our correspondent in the City of London. Nick. what exactly is happening there?

Nick Well, Trevor, it seems that a Mrs Margaret Fuller has come to work here in the City. Of course, until now, women have always stayed at home and looked after the children. So this is a big shock.

Trevor And what sort of job is Mrs Fuller doing? Nick Well. I talked to her boss today, and he said she will

be a typing clerk. Trevor Nick, isn't typing man's work?

Nick Well, Trevor, ever since the typewriter was invented, it has been man's work. But it looks as though, within a short time, there may be many more women typists in offices all over the country. Some women are even saying that they want to choose between staying at home and working! They are saying they want to 'support themselves', and they shouldn't have to stay at home and look after the children!

Trevor Well, I'm blessed! And finally ... the most famous single parent of them all, Queen Victoria, told

reporters how she managed to bring up nine children without Prince Albert. The secret of her success? She says parents should stay out of the nursery. 'Leave all that to the servants,' says Her Majesty! Good advice, Ma'am! But that's all from the That’s English! news team ... goodnight.

Street interviews Sean I have many friends who are not married, who

are single mothers, and I think it's quite common these days.

Christopher Over the last twenty years, I think people have stopped loving each other as much as they used to. It's a bit of a shame, 'cos there are more and more single-parent families around now, so yes, family life I think has changed quite a lot.

Tamsen My cousin's a single mum and she gets on really well with her daughter, and her daughter really likes just having her mum all to herself.

From the archive Voiceover Gillian Constable is typical of the women

uncovered by this new survey. She's been a single parent since her relationship with Grace's father broke down and most of her small income comes from the state. Like millions of other single parents, Gillian can only take low-paid, part-time work.

Gillian Once you start working, you're expected to pay full rent, full poll tax, and obviously there's childcare, and having two children makes it very expensive for child-care, etc., and I've found I actually worked for a year and found that I was actually worse off.

Voiceover Eighteen per cent of the women surveyed were divorced by the time they were thirty-three. No less than twenty-four per cent of the women were single parents at some time and eighty-five per cent of the single parents were alone because of marital breakdown. Organizations concerned with the problems of women like Gillian are worried that the Government are planning to cut universal benefits.

Man It certainly would be a tragedy, I think, if the Government thought of reducing benefits for these people at all, but many of them are utterly dependent on state benefits of one sort or another and to remove that would actually be to remove their opportunity for being able to better themselves and being able to move out of the trap that they're in.

DOCUMENTARY Gary (VO) This is Edinburgh. And this is Jeremy Ryder-

Jones. He's a lone father. He was born in South Africa forty-four years ago, but he's lived in Scotland since he was a boy. He looks after his two children on his own, and is in charge of all domestic duties. Jeremy works independently as a cabinet-maker. This allows him to adapt his working timetable to the children's school

timetable. Jeremy is a cultured, sensitive man, who welcomed us into his home. These are his two sons. We asked Jeremy how they had become a one-parent family.

Jeremy Well, my ex-partner decided that she wanted to have an independent life, so she decided to leave and hire a flat and set up an alternative...

Sara (VO) Jeremy's children come home at lunchtime. Whenever his work allows it, Jeremy is at home to prepare their lunch. Lewis is eight and Nathan twelve. They seem to manage pretty well with the household chores. However, we asked Jeremy if he thinks his home is run the same, better, or worse than if there was a woman in charge.

Jeremy Well, before she left we really shared most of the responsibilities in the home, and I like to think that in practical terms there hasn't been really any significant change. But I'm sure the children miss having their mother in an emotional sense.

Gary (VO) When the children return to school, Jeremy goes back to his work in the workshop he has at home. Fiona MacPherson lives in another part of Edinburgh . She's also a lone parent, and, like Jeremy she welcomed us into her home . Fiona was born in Edinburgh thirty- eight years ago. She's bringing up her two daughters, Cara and Aim‚e, by herself. She doesn't get any help from her former partner. This is Aim‚e, the youngest. She's two and a half years old and was born after Fiona separated from her husband. Fiona has financial problems. She's unemployed and lives exclusively on state benefit. We asked Fiona is she finds any advantages in being a one- parent family.

Fiona None really. Apart from being able to have sole control over the children's upbringing, there's nothing .

Sara (VO) Fiona is studying French and Italian at Stevenson College. This will give her the opportunity to study these languages at the University of Edinburgh. In this way, she hopes to be able to get a qualified job when she finishes University, and escape from the the poverty trap that she's in . But for a lone parent, the problems are not only financial. So we asked her if her daughters missed having a father.

Fiona No, not at all. Cara, my oldest daughter, she...I already had Cara before I met my husband, and he was very cruel, both physically and mentally towards her, so she doesn't miss him at all. She was very frightened of him. And Aim‚e was born after the separation. We separated and then she was born.

Gary (VO) This is Cara's school. Cara is ten and a half. Every day, when she finishes school, Fiona and Aim‚e are waiting to meet her. Then, they all go for a walk or to enjoy themselves playing in the park.

7 IT'LL MAKE A MAN OF YOU

A THE RIGHT SCHOOL Clive I think all children should have the same

opportunities in education. Tom Yes, but that's not always possible. Jilly Well, we had a lot of trouble with Paul's

education. He never did any work at school, and the teachers were too busy to do anything about it. Things were just getting worse and worse. . .

*** Jilly Paid, have you done your homework? Paul Yeah. Jilly Can I see it, please? Paul I haven't done it yet, Mum. I just want to finish

this game. Jilly You've been playing on that computer all

evening. I told you to do your homework first. Do it now!

Paul In a minute ... Jilly Right.

*** Jilly There aren't many children who get an

opportunity like this. Paul I don't want to leave home, Mum. Jilly I don't want you to leave home either. But I do

want you to do well at school. Things have got to change. To start with, you watch TV and play on that computer all day long. That's no good. Then, you never do your homework. Then every day, we have a fight about your homework So, I've had enough! You need some proper discipline. At Stanford, there are thirty-five children in a class. One teacher can't keep an eve on thirty-five children properly. At Selby College, there are fifteen in a class.

Paul Yeah, but they're all boys, Mum. I don't want to leave Stanford Comprehensive. It's where all my friends are.

Jilly You mean it's where Susan Smith is. Paul Yeah. Jjilly You shouldn't be thinking about girls all the

time. ***

Paul But Selby College is a hundred miles away from home.

Jilly Don't worry, we'll soon be there. Paul I want to stay in day school. I don't want to go

to boarding school. I won't know anyone there.Jilly You'll soon make friends. Paul It's like going to prison. Jilly Paul, public school is a privilege. It's not a

prison. Paul They're really strict there. Jilly Yes. Good. At Selby College, discipline is

important. Paul Why do you want to get rid of me? Jilly I don't want to get rid of you, Paul. I just want

the best for you. When it comes to getting a

job, you'll need good qualifications. You'll thank me when you're older.

Paul But my results at school aren't that bad. Jilly They're not that good either. At Selby College

you'll learn much more than just History, English and Maths. You'll learn about discipline - and manners.

*** Jilly Look at it. It's magnificent. Selby College is

based on old traditions. Paul Yeah, like cold showers and bullying. And

caning. Jillyy It's against the law to cane these days. Now, I

want you to be very polite to the headmaster. ***

Jilly Paul was very quiet as the headmaster showed us around the school.

Jilly I'm surprised at you. How could you send your own son away!

Tom I went to boarding school. It was good for me. Jilly Hmm. Tom It was great fun in the dormitory. We had

pillow fights most nights. Louise Yes, but it was a very strict school, wasn't it?

You told me that the teachers used to beat you if you did anything wrong.

Tom Yes, but ... Louise I suppose it made a man of you.

Tom Yes, I suppose it did really. Jilly It wasn't easy for me. But I had to do

something with Paul. Anyway the headmaster showed us around ...

*** Headmaster ... and these are our playing fields where many

a victory has been won. Jilly Will Paul get enough exercise?

Headmaster Ah. Mrs Partridge. We, at Selby College, pride ourselves on our exercise regime. Every morning, at half past six, the boys go for a good run. Arw you good at rugby, er, Paul?

Paul No. Headmaster Oh. What about cricket?

Paul No. It's boring. Headmaster Oh, dear. Sport is very important here at Selby

College. Any good at rowing? No? Don't worry, Mrs Partridge, we'll make a man of him. What do you want to do when you leave school, Paul?

Paul I want to earn money. Headmaster We like our boys to go to a good university.

Have you done any Latin? Audi, vidi, tace. Paul What?

Headmaster Audi - listen, vidi - look, tace - be quiet. Have you studied the Latin language at all?

Paul I don't think so. Headmaster Hmm. Don't worry, Mrs Partridge. It's just a

matter of discipline. We'll take care of him. ***

Paul Mum, I promise. I promise ... If you ask me to do my homework, I'll do it. If you tell me not to watch TV, I’ll turn it off. I'll go to bed at

nine o'clock. I promise. Jilly Really? Paul Yes. I'll do anything. Jilly Anything, Paul? Will you make your bed in

the morning? Paul Yes, I promise. Jilly Will you keep your room tidy? Paul I'll do anything, but please don't send me to

Selby College. Jilly Do you promise? Paul Yes, Mum. Yes. Jilly Then I shall ring up the headmaster and tell

him I've changed my mind. ***

Jilly It worked very well. Paul's school report this term was excellent.

Clive But how could you possibly have afforded to send Paul to Selby College?

Jilly I could never afford to send him there. But, luckily, Paul never thought of that!

B PROBLEMS AT SCHOOL

Street interviews Nigel I went to a grammar school and then came

here to study at Cambridge University. Vicki My education started off in a primary school

and then I went to infants, junior, secondary and I'm planning on going to college.

John I was at a private preparatory school then a public school, which of course are not public, and then, when I came out of the army at the end of the war, I was at Cambridge.

Louisa I went to a comprehensive school. I'm now at university and I'm studying management studies and economics.

Mrs Cornish I had a convent education, um, leaving I suppose [as a] fourteen-, fifteen-year-old.

Sean When I was very young, I went to a kindergarten in Africa. In Britain, I went to primary school, then I went to grammar school and then I came to London to go to university, to University College, which was the first university to accept women and people of any religion.

*** Keith ... but I think that my best memories come

from when I was at school. I met a lot of good friends there and I learnt a lot as well.

Tamsen I went to the same school from age eight to eighteen, which is quite unusual, I think, and then I went to university. I went to Oxford, actually, I really enjoyed it - I had a great time, I made lots of friends and I played lots of sport, which I really like.

Mrs Simpson I went to boarding school, which, uh, which is a private education and which means that I lived at the school, um, during the term time and it was a long way from home, but I loved it, it was great fun.

From the archive Voiceover At the moment Shakespeare is just about the only

work of literature schools must teach by law, but the proposals drawn up by the National Curriculum Council mean schools will have a whole range of books, plays and poems defined for them. In secondary schools, younger children must choose from a range of plays such as Pygmalion, fiction pre-dating the nineteen hundreds like Treasure Island and more modern works such as Golding's Lord of the Flies. Older children will get their teeth into plays like Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman or fiction such as Pride and Prejudice.

Teacher One of the key objectives of the revised proposals is to ensure that our children do read widely, that they read a wide range of literature, of poetry, of drama, that they're introduced progressively to more demanding texts, that they are introduced to texts of central importance to our literary heritage.

Voiceover But it's the emphasis on standard English, such as speaking correctly, which is causing most controversy.

Teacher Now standard English is the correct use of vocabulary and grammar. We're talking about things that, for example, 'He ain't right, 'We was robbed', are not correct English.

News from the past Trevor Hello. Here is the news from That's English! The

headlines ... The school-leaving age is raised to twelve ... And, school teacher goes cycling on Sunday. But first, today's main story is that, because of the new Education Act, children must now stay at school until they are twelve. Our education correspondent has the storv. Nick, is this new Education Act going to make big difference?

Nick Well. Trevor, some working-class parents here are very angry indeed about this new Act. They have children aged eleven who are working in factories, earning money that the parents desperately need.

Trevor Nick. this means bigger class sizes, doesn't it? What effect is that going to have on children's education?

Nick Well, Trevor, experts are now saying that the ideal size for a school class is between sixty and seventy pupils per teacher, so there's no problem in the immediate future.

Trevor Thank you Nick. And finally, the story of the school teacher who went cycling on a Sunday. The local vicar saw Mary Talbot on her bicycle last Sunday. He said he could see one of her ankles quite dearly! The vicar told 7hat's English! news that he does not want this type of woman to educate children. As a result, he has told Miss Talbot not to return to her job as assistant mistress at St Jude's Infant School. Quite right, too! That's all from the 7hat's English! news team . . . goodnight.

How to he British Mike You're late.

Piano teacher Only ten minutes.

Mike Only ten minutes! Piano teacher That's nothing.

Mike What do you mean? Piano teacher I was two hours late for my last pupil.

Mike Well, aren't you going to apologise? Piano teacher Apologise?

Mike Yea, apologise. I think you should say you're sorry.

Piano teacher All right. Sorry. Mike Sorry! What kind of apology is that?

Piano teacher All right, then. I'm really sorry for being late. Does that satisfy you?

Mike All right. Piano teacher Now, last week I asked you to practise the E

major scale, and I told you to keep your wrists straight and your fingers ...

Mike Yes, I'm sorry, but I've been very busy this week ...

Piano teacher So? Mike I haven't had much time to practise ...

Piano teacher Well, go on. Let's hear it. Mike Oh, dear. I'm frightfully sorry. It really does

sound awful, doesn't it? Piano teacher It's OK.

Mike Oh, dear. I really am most dreadfully sorry. I'm wasting your time.

Piano teacher Stop apologising ... and play.

DOCUMENTARY Sara (VO) This is Heriot-Watt University, on the outskirts

of Edinburgh. It gets its name from two famous Scots: James Watt, inventor of the steam engine, and George Heriot, a great 17th-century merchant.

Gary (VO) Heriot-Watt is a modern university which specializes in technical studies, with a number of specialities that can only be studied here.

Sara (VO) From Submarine Engineering to Virtual Reality, Programming or Laser Studies, the most advanced technology is at the service of teaching and industry. Heriot-Watt University claims to be different. We asked David Boak, responsible for the Department of External what makes Heriot-Watt different.

David Boak Heriot-Watt is different because the courses and the research we undertake here are relevant to industry and commerce. The courses in Engineering, Science, Physics, mean that the students become professionals in those areas and the research we do for the oil industry, or the finance industry, are all relevant to the professions.

Sara (VO) How many different degrees does Heriot-Watt University offer?

David Boak In all you can study 40 different degrees now at this campus. In Engineering, in Science, in subjects related to Business Studies, Accountancy and Economics.

Gary (VO) One of the most peculiar degrees is Brewing and Distilling. In our visit to Heriot-Watt University we visited the International Centre

for Brewing and Distilling, possibly the only one in the world offering this degree to undergraduates.

Sara (VO) The students learn the best way of brewing beer or distilling whisky in order to be able to apply this knowledge later in the beer and whisky industry. Ian Campbell, explained to us why this degree was created.

Professor Campbell

Well, that's for historical reasons. In Edinburgh at one time we had over thirty breweries. Heriot- Watt College, as it then was, trained students for industry, and since brewing was a very important local industry it became an important subject in Heriot-Watt College, now Heriot-Watt University.

Sara (VO) Classes are very practical and attempt to prepare professionals who will be able to work indifferent jobs in industry, both in Great Britain and abroad. We asked Mr Campbell about the professional careers open to students who take this course.

Professor Campbell

Oh, they can ... They find jobs in many different industries. Some find jobs in the malting industry, producing malt for breweries or distilleries. Others work in small breweries where they carry out everything in that brewery. Others in the brewing industry are working in a particular department of the brewery, and then others go into the distilling industry. And a few have found work elsewhere, as in the wine or cider production..

Gary (VO) Heriot-Watt University has eight thousand eight hundred students. About one thousand four hundred live on campus. During our visit we saw students from different countries. That's why we asked Mr Boak if Spanish students can also study at Heriot-Watt.

David Boak Spanish students can indeed study at Heriot-Watt. They are very welcome, whether as full-time students spending three or four years, or as exchange students, coming here perhaps just for one year as students of language, or Science, or of Engineering.

Sara (VO) A wonderful opportunity to study in one of the most modern European universities: Heriot-Watt.