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Dealing with People You

Sheila Penelope Thornes orne us. m.com

April 18, 2008

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Dealing with People You Cant Stand

Disclaimer One of these things is not like the other

Bill GatesSteve JobsMe

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Agenda

Ground Rules

Let the Games Begin

End Game

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Ground Rules

What are you dealing with?

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What are You Dealing With?

When dealing with any,

determine the persons powerover you.

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Are You Dealing with a Five Year Old?

This person has no power over.

How you handle the situation isnot predicated by the toddleryelling at you.

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Are You Dealing with Airport Security?

keep you from reaching yourobjective.

FYI: They have reached their

destination for the day; youaven t.

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Are you Dealing with a Dog?

You are powerless to change.

Stop acting surprised. Stop.

Lower your standards.

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Let the Games Begin

Met the Opposing Team

2:05

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C S

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Behaviors

Issues dont arise in the .

Issues arise when people

individual normal states.

The assertiveness is passiveor aggressive .

The focus is task or people.

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D li ith P l Y C t St d

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The Snapping Point

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D li ith P l Y C t St d

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Off Center - Destination Points

Task Focus

Get it Done

Controlling

Get it Right

Perfectionist

Passive Aggressive

Attention

Approval

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Dealing with People You Can t Stand

Intention & Actions

Task Focus

Get it Done

Controlling

an

Know it All

Passive AggressiveSniper

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The Tank

Command Respect.

The tank is confrontational, pointed, and angry, the

ultimate in ush and a ressive behavior.

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The Know-It-All

Open their minds to new ideas.

Seldom in doubt, the Know-It-All has a lowtolerance for correction and contradiction.

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The Sniper

Bring the Sniper out of hiding.

Whether through rude comments, biting

sarcasm, or a well-timed roll of eyes.

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Intentions & Actions

Task Focus

Passive Aggressive

Sniper

AttentionThink-They-Know-It-All

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g p

The Grenade

Get commitments you can count on.

The Grenade ex lodes into unfocused rantinand raving about things that have nothing to do

with the present circumstances.

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g p

The Think-They-Know-It-All

Give their bad ideas the hook.

Think-They-Know-It-Alls cant fool all the peopleall of the time, but they can fool some of the

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peop e enoug o e me, an enoug o epeople all of the time all for the sake of getting

some attention.


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Task Focus

Passive Aggressive

Nothing

Yes

Approval Maybe

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The Maybe Person

Help them to learn to think decisively.

In a moment of decision, the Maybe

Person rocrastinates in the ho e that

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a better choice will present itself.


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The Yes Person

Get commitments you can count on.

In an effort to please people and avoidconfrontation, Yes People say yes withoutthinking things through. They react to the

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latest demands on their time by forgettingprior commitments.


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The Nothing Person

Persuade the nothing person to talk.

No verbal feedback, no nonverbal feedback.

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. .


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Task Focus

Get it Right

Perfectionist

ner

No

Passive AggressiveNothing

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The No Person

.

More deadly to morale than a speeding, ,

defeat big ideas with a single syllable.Disguised as a mild mannered normalperson, the No Person fights a never

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ending battle for futility, hopelessness, anddespair.


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The Whiner

.

unfair world. Their standard is perfection, and no

one and nothing measure up to it. But miseryloves company, so they bring their problems to

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you. Offering solutions makes you bad company,so their whining escalates.


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Task Focus

TankWhiner

ControllingKnow it AllNo

Perfectionist

Passive AggressiveSniper

Sni erNothing

Nothing

GrenadeYes

Get AppreciatedGet Along

Think-They-Know-It-AllMaybe AttentionApproval

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People Focus

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Head Games

Imaginary Friends

2:35

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Circular Reference

I create m own meanin for an

event that has occurred.

I lose sight of the event thatoccurred and start to operate frommy meaning.

wrong story

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AvatarsHero

Fear of not being enoughOver-responsible or fixer

Doesnt trust others to be

powerfulPowers up on people

,I

nc

eopleBuilder

VillainVictim

2005P

Discounts others

False sense of power andimportance

Over owers eo le

ear o own ng powerNot willing to take responsibilityBlames othersCreates themselves powerless

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Code Fixes

Let go of the drama. Stopplaying the role.

Understand position versus

interest.

Let Go

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End Game

Summary

2:50

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Goal: Cooperation

Blend nonverbally with body and.

Blend vocally with volume and.

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Goal: Common Ground

.

Identify highly valued criteria.

Common Interest

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Snap Happens.

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People go there.

Task Focus

Passive Aggressive

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eop e ocus


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Sometimes you need to zip it. Its not about you.

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Keep the End Game In Mind

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Appendix A

Resources & References

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Resources

Leadership & Self-Deception

By The Arbinger Institute

http://www.peoplebuildersinc.com

Dealing with People You Cant Standby Dr. Rick Brinkman & Dr. Rick Kirscher

Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity

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y av en

Documents

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