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-True Intentions-
The 25 Answers To The Most Alarming
Questions You Will Ever Have To Ask Yourself
About Your Man’s True Intentions When It
Comes To You And Your Relationship!
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All Rights Reserved.
Copyright © Aaron Fox and DramaMethod.com
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photocopying and recording, or by any information storage or
retrieval system without permission in writing from the author.
Disclaimer:
This book is written for informational purposes only. The author
has made every effort to make sure the information is complete
and accurate. All attempts have been made to verify
information at the time of this publication and the authors do
not assume any responsibility for errors, omissions, or other
interpretations of the subject matter. The publisher and author
shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or
entity with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to
be caused directly or indirectly by this book.
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction _____________________________________ #5
Q&A #1: Is he leading me on? ________________________ #16
Q&A #2: Is he just using me? _________________________ #18
Q&A #3: Is he lying to me? ___________________________ #20
Q&A #4: Does he just want to use me for sex? _____________ #23
Q&A #5: Is he going to change? _______________________ #26
Q&A #6: Does he even care about my needs? _____________ #28
Q&A #7: Why is he so stubborn and frustrating? ____________ #30
Q&A #8: Why do I always have to push him to do the right things? #31
Q&A #9: Why does he say one thing, but do another? ________ #33
Q&A #10: Why does he twist everything I say around? _______ #34
Q&A #11: Will he ever prioritize me? ____________________ #37
Q&A #12: Why does he always get so defensive, or argue? ____ #38
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Q&A #13: Is he going to take responsibility in the relationship? __ #40
Q&A #14: What does it mean when he ignores me? __________ #43
Q&A #15: Am I just a fling to him? _____________________ #46
Q&A #16: Does he really love me? _____________________ #48
Q&A #17: Is he playing mind games? ___________________ #50
Q&A #18: Is he keeping his options open? ________________ #52
Q&A #19: Is he going to marry me? ____________________ #55
Q&A #20: Does he want to break up with me? _____________ #58
Q&A #21: Am I just a friend to him? ___________________ #61
Q&A #22: Is he going to commit to me? _________________ #64
Q&A #23: Is this it? Is this all I am going to get from him? ____ #66
Q&A #24: Why is he just avoiding me or ignoring me? ________ #68
Q&A #25: Why can’t he just be honest and open with me? _____ #71
The Conclusion __________________________________ #74
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Introduction:
First of all, let me just say that ALARM BELLS should be ringing in your
head, if you EVER have to ask yourself any of the 25 Alarming Questions,
you’ll find here today, in the first place. You see, within every woman, is an
intuitive nature, that many women IGNORE.
This intuitive nature, is a sense inside of you, that nudges you, to look
deeper into something, because it doesn’t feel right in the first place. Keep
in mind that your intuitive nature, ONLY ever nudges you, when it feels
that something is really not right about whatever is going on around you,
and it pushes you to therefore doubt something, because everything is not
adding up.
But, when things fail to ‘add up’, that’s EXACTLY when you should be
looking into whatever your intuition is having doubts about, because it
means that something is either:
A) About to go horribly wrong
B) Is not as it seems, or
C) Is about to cause you an intense amount of pain and grief.
You might not realize this, but your intuition should be listened to, and
should never be ignored, because of this fact. Why is that?
Well it’s almost ALWAYS right!
It’s your most basic gut instinct, that has taken away all of the fluff, lies,
and filler ideas, and has stripped everything down to the most raw reality.
That’s why your intuition can sense something is wrong… is because it’s
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not overcomplicating the reality with how you feel about it, or with what
you want.
It’s simply coming in and saying hey, this isn’t what it should be, look into
it.
But the problem is again, that many women DON’T look into things, when
their gut instinct starts telling them to.
Do you know what most women do?
They ignore it, and avoid it, until the nudge has to completely punch them
in the face, just to get their attention.
Have you ever, for example, gotten into a problem, that you felt like you
KNEW better, but still got involved in that problem anyway?
That’s the EXACT moment when you should realize, that it was your
intuition talking to you, that you were ignoring. That’s how you “KNEW”
better to begin with. Your intuition is the most pure, and raw form of
powerful ‘break through the bull crap’ kind of knowledge that you can
EVER have, as a woman.
This is why it’s extremely important NOT to ignore your gut instinct, or
intuition, and to actually pay attention to those moments when you find
that something just doesn’t ‘feel right’. It’s that FEELING, that is actually a
nudge to tell you to look deeper into the ‘why’. The ‘why’, of course relates
to WHY something might not feel right in the first place.
It’s when you dig, to answer that ‘why’, that you get the REAL answers you
were looking for.
A lot of women, therefore, also end up asking all of the WRONG questions
when it comes to their relationships, because they are busy ignoring the
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right questions, because they keep on brushing off their intuition and gut
instinct.
Now I know you don’t want to seem mistrusting of your man, and you
don’t want to come across as this extremely doubtful woman. But you
KNOW you have doubts floating around, and some of them are
EXTREMELY justified, if you are reading this right now.
There’s a huge difference, therefore, between appearing to be insecure,
untrusting, or doubtful in your man for the wrong reasons- and erring on
the side of caution. That difference of course, has you either ignoring
the reality, or facing it.
Erring on the side of caution, at least has you facing your worst realities,
before they actually become living nightmares. That’s the purpose of
listening to your intuition and gut instinct.
Remember that your ability to have intuition, and to sense that something
is not right, is there to PROTECT you. It’s not there to make your life
miserable, although facing the REAL truth can be hard, you must never
avoid even remotely looking into the truth.
The longer you avoid doing that, the worse your situation becomes,
because it means you leave everything up to the HOPE that your man will
finally say, and do the right things in your relationship, without EVER
finding out if he actually will.
So intuition is one of the biggest and most useful tools you will ever come
across to use, in your relationship, because it can give you insight on
something LONG before anything even becomes a problem. Intuition is
also responsible for any clarity you get AFTER the fact too.
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You know how they say hindsight is 20/20, meaning that you can see
things clearly, AFTER the fact? Well that doesn’t just happen for no reason.
If ever there was a reason that you could see, or understand something
clearly after the fact, it’s because you are FINALLY listening to your
intuition, and gut instinct. You are finally trusting it, with its truths and
intense level of honesty about your reality.
That’s why things become clear, after the fact. But you need them to
become CLEAR before everything has turned into an intense storm in your
relationship life, right? Right.
So before I head into the answers to 25 of the most alarming questions
you will ever have to ask yourself about your man and your relationship,
I’d like to offer you some insight on how you can listen to your intuition
from here on out, and how you can tell when it’s actually trying to
communicate a message to you.
Learning how to do this, means that you can answer all 25 of the most
alarming questions in this report, in your future without having to wait,
guess, or feel confused. It also means that you can equally answer any
OTHER pressing question that you might ever have to ask yourself about
your man or your relationship, with ease, and rather quickly.
To help you learn HOW to listen to, and use your own intuition, I’d like to
share a very personal story with you, which will help you greatly.
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Now a while ago, I had the honor of listening to Oprah Winfrey speak in
person about the most powerful lessons she had learned throughout her
life, which spoke the hardest to her. It was basically like getting into
Oprah’s head, to find out the most intimate goodies she had picked up
about life, along the way.
When she was speaking, she detailed how although she has had great
success in her life, she has often stood in her own way. She explained how
many times, she wouldn’t deal with a problem, until it had become
disastrous, because she wasn’t listening to her own intuition.
Over the years, she started to notice a very common pattern in all of this,
which was that life gives you whispers, every step of the way, before
something even becomes problematic to begin with.
In fact, she detailed the experience, by explaining it as such:
"I say the universe speaks to us, always, first in whispers. And a whisper in your life usually feels like
'hmm, that's odd.' Or, 'hmm, that doesn't make any sense.' Or, 'hmm, is that right?' It's that subtle. And if
you don't pay attention to the whisper, it gets louder and louder and louder. I say it's like getting thumped upside the head. If you don't pay attention to that, it's like
getting a brick upside your head. You don't pay attention to that—the brick wall falls down. That is the pattern
that I see in my life and so many other people's lives. And so, I ask people, 'What are the whispers? What's whispering to you now?'" — Oprah
What really made it hit home for me, was the fact that Oprah admitted that
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in her life, that whisper would come, as a soft whisper. Then it would come
as a brick. But she’d ignore that, until more bricks came, and then formed
into a brick wall. Then she’d hit the wall, but STILL not get the message,
and still not listen to her inner intuition.
She explained how she wouldn’t take the time to listen to her own gut
instinct or intuition, until she was dealing with a catastrophe level of a
problem, and only THEN would she sit down and look into something
finally, because it was MORE than forcing her to by that point.
So there are two points to this story now. The first point, is that even
somebody as successful as Oprah Winfrey, struggled, until she started
listening to her intuition. She was humble enough to admit this, and share
this with a group of strangers, like me, in person.
Why would she do something like that?
Well, because she learned how much easier life became for her, especially
in her relationships with others, once she started listening to the whispers,
BEFORE they became bricks, or catastrophes. Naturally when you find a
solution to something that was holding you back, you feel soo good that
you want to share it with the world, and thankfully, for your sake and
mine, Oprah did just that.
Now I know that you too, are probably struggling, and in fact most women
do, when it comes to listening to their intuition, or “Whispers” as Oprah
aptly named them.
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So the second thing you must learn from Oprah’s story, is that those
whispers always come softly at first, and they come exactly as she
described. They come when you find yourself feeling, or stating “Huh…
that’s odd”, or when you find yourself thinking “huh…something’s not right
about that”.
It’s basically in the moments where you find yourself thinking, or feeling
any of the following:
Wow…that’s weird.
Something doesn’t feel right about this.
Something seems strange, but I can’t quite put my finger on it
Is that right?
Is this it?
That’s strange…
I wonder why I am feeling this way…
What’s going on here?
Etc…
It’s basically the moment where you find yourself curiously WONDERING
what it is that is going on, but not even in an intensely doubtful way. It’s
just a whisper, as noted. It’s a very soft thought, at first. So it is just an
‘idea’… but it’s’ that idea, that is the true whisper, because what it’s really
doing, is it’s trying to ask you to look DEEPER into something.
You see when your internal dialogue starts pointing out how strange,
weird, or peculiar something is, it means that your intuition and gut instinct
are asking you to look DEEPER into that thing.
It’s in those moments that you really do need to stop, and look at
whatever your gut instinct is whispering to you about. When you do this,
what will happen, is you will be able to see the truth, and the reality of
something, before you are too heavily emotionally involved, or before you
are too emotionally attached to see things as they TRULY are.
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The thing about this, as well, is that if you ignore that initial thought, or
that initial curiosity… what will happen, is your intuition will continue to
push the subject, harder and harder, until you finally listen to it.
So what will happen, is if you ignore that initial ‘whisper’, where you are
asking yourself why something is making you feel weird out of the blue,
your gut instinct will come back later, and will throw a brick at you, to get
you to listen.
That brick usually comes with a harder lesson, or a bigger problem, related
back to your initial instinct. So now it might be that something is going
wrong in your relationship, or life now, in a strong way. That’s the ‘brick’
upside your head, because you ignored the initial whisper.
What will happen after this, is a ton of other things will continue to go
wrong, if you ignore that brick as well, until finally your problem becomes
so huge, that you have no choice but to stop and ask then, why it’s going
wrong, and what is causing it.
But that’s what intuition is for. It’s there to make you stop and ask these
two questions:
1. Why is this happening?
And
2. What is going on?
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Until or unless you ask these questions, and until or unless you listen to the
ACTUAL answers that come, you will continue to be pressed to look at it,
by your gut instinct, as it tries to get you to listen to reason.
It means that you will experience a ton of pain and anguish, until or unless
you actually stop, and take the time to look into something deeper.
Remember that your intuition is only there to protect you, so if it is being
triggered, that’s because something is compromising your core values, and
needs as an individual.
It ultimately means that something is compromising your ability to actually
be happy. This is why the longer you put off listening to your gut instincts
and intuition, the more miserable you become, ESPECIALLY when you are
in a relationship, and ESPECIALLY when your gut instinct is pointing to
something ‘strange’ or ‘weird’ that it wants you to look into, about your
man.
So now that you know how to recognize when your gut instinct is trying to
tell you to look into something deeper, before it even becomes a huge
problem for you, I want you to consider that, and apply that to your life, as
you head into the 25 answers to the most alarming questions you will ever
have to ask yourself.
Keep in mind, for your own future that any time you are having to ask
yourself an ‘alarming’ question to begin with, it means that your intuition is
asking you to look into the deeper reality, and is asking you to take your
emotions out of the mix, so that you can see what is going on.
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Sometimes you actually have to suspend how you feel about a guy, and
how badly you want to be with him, to actually clearly look at your
situation in a logical manner. The 25 answers you are about to learn, will
actually help get you started on logically approaching your situation, with
an intense level of honesty and reality, so that you can finally start listening
to your intuition to solve your own relationship dilemmas.
Remember, therefore, that these answers are not designed to make you
depressed, or feel bad about your situation. If your man is guilty in a
negative way, of some of the things which are about to be revealed to you,
then I want you to know that there is only one way to go, from here, once
you learn that.
What way is that?
It’s upwards.
You see, you can’t actually solve a problem or dilemma in your relationship
life, if you don’t actually want to admit or SEE that there is a problem in
the first place. So the first step is to get brutally honest with yourself, and
to listen to your intuition, to actually see the TRUE reality of your
relationship, and your man, in relation to yourself.
The next step then, is to take a course of action once you actually know
what is TRULY going on. So this information is designed to help you break
through the garbage, to finally get what you are looking for. But you can
only do that, if you first welcome in a certain level of brutal, but necessary
honesty, about your situation and circumstance.
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Now I know some of the things you are about to learn, are hurtful, so I
want you to remember that it’s better to learn these things NOW, than to
ignore that fact, and to pretend that some of these things aren’t going on
in your relationship. Ignoring over and over again, what is actually
happening, means that you set yourself up for a calamity, that you can’t
escape from.
Don’t wait until everything becomes so intensely bad, before you finally sit
down to look at it, or before you finally accept things as they are in your
relationship. The sooner you directly deal with the truth, the better,
because then you know where you stand, and then you know where you
want to be after that.
So then you can decide if your man is going to be the guy to do that for
you or you can decide if he isn’t, very clearly, without a ton of guesswork,
doubts, or confusion anymore.
Remember to trust your instinct, because it has YOUR best interest in
mind, and nobody on this planet will EVER have your best interest in mind,
as much as YOU will. That’s why you must listen to yourself first, before
you ever listen to anything else.
So without further ado, here are the 25 Answers to the “Most Alarming
Questions” you will ever have to ask yourself, about your man’s true
intentions when it comes to you and your relationship…
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Alarming Question #1: Is he leading me on?
If a man is telling you what you want to hear, every step of the way, to
such an extent, that you find he’s all talk, but no game, then yes… yes he
is!
You see, a man can be caught in the act, if his words are all sweet talk,
and seem a lot like everything you want to hear, but conveniently when it
comes to action time, he’s a now show to his own party!
What this means, is that you can tell if a guy is leading you on in ANY way,
with his words, if he doesn’t back them up, with a matching or proper
action.
This reality also involves a man conveniently saying EXACTLY what you
wanted to hear, and making all kinds of fanciful statements and verbal
promises, exactly when you are trying to point out something that he is
doing wrong.
It’s basically his way of trying to get you off his back, and again, means he
is leading you on, because he has NO intentions of following through with
those words, in a time where they are being spoken during a heated
moment with you.
Telling you what you want to hear, but not matching that with any actions,
means that a guy NEVER intended to EVER follow through on his words,
but he only said them to get YOU to do something for him.
He might be doing that, to get you to stop pressuring him into something.
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He might be doing that to get you to stick around longer, so he can use
you.
Either way, a guy’s intentions are NOT good, and are selfish, if he fails to
match his words up to his actions, and if he especially is filled with a lot of
sweet talk, but a lot of disappointment when it comes to actually delivering
that sweet talk.
Never, therefore, just listen to what a guy is saying, ESPECIALLY if it
sounds like a lot of sweet talk, fantasy/wishful thinking, or consists of a lot
of things that sound like EXACTLY what you want to hear.
Real men, who have honest and good intentions, do not have to go around
always saying what you want to hear, and in fact they DON’T do that,
because they would prefer to actually be REAL and honest with you.
You are not dealing with a real guy, if he always seems to have the right
thing to say, at any given moment, but never follows through with those
words when it comes to his actions.
Remember that genuine men, who mean well for you and the relationship,
don’t need to do that, because they know that by being open, real, and
honest with you, they’d accomplish a lot more, than by sitting around
telling you what you want to hear. They also take action MORE than they
talk. It means they are ALL action, instead of words.
That’s how you tell, therefore, if your guy is just leading you on.
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Alarming Question #2: Is he just using me?
Now this does NOT just refer to intimately. You see there are 3 ways that a
guy can use you:
He can use you financially, sexually, and emotionally.
This means that a guy might use you for emotional support, when it’s
convenient for him. He might use you financially, because that’s easy for
him. He might even use you as his own personal ‘friend with intimate
benefits’.
Either way, though, you can tell that he’s just using you, if any of the
following criteria is met:
He takes something from you, but does not give back to you even
remotely. So he borrows money, but never returns it?
He takes up a lot of your time, but conveniently has NO time for you
in return?
He wants to receive intimacy from you, but won’t give it in return?
He can call you whenever he pleases, but you can’t call him when
you want?
Do you see the point here yet?
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He always has excuses as to why he can’t do something for you in
return, but magically has 10,000 reasons as to why you should do
things for him?
He gets mad at you, if you ask him for something, like a
commitment, or a promise, or to help you. How dare you even ask
him to do something for you!
He avoids having to be held accountable or responsible for his side of
the relationship, and his role in the relationship. If you point out
something he is doing wrong, or isn’t doing enough of, magically he
twists your words so that he’s no longer at fault, or has to be held
responsible for those things?
Responsibility dodging is another hint that he is just using you,
because it means he’s trying to avoid having to take anything
seriously.
He fails to keep his commitments, and even dodges the entire
subject of commitment with all kinds of excuses, reasons, or road
blocks as to why he just can’t right now?
Again, if this is what your guy sounds like, or acts like, it DOES mean that
he is just using you.
Men who DON’T use you, have NO problems stepping up to the plate to
take responsibility for their side, and their half of the relationship. They
don’t avoid taking action, and they especially don’t avoid returning favors
to you, or allowing you to get your needs met, on an equal and FAIR
playing field in the relationship.
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Men who aren’t using you, do a lot of GIVING, a lot of LISTENING, and a
lot of ACTING for you, and on your behalf in the relationship. They don’t
have to be nagged or coaxed every step of the way, or asked 20 billion
times, to do something.
They want to do it, because again they aren’t just using you. They are
there for the long haul, so they make sure that you are taken care of.
Men who use you, ONLY ever make sure that THEY are taken care of.
That’s why we call them selfish, because they truly are. It’s all about what
they need, when they need it… but conveniently when you need
something, they are nowhere to be found.
That’s how you know if a man is using it, and if he is, you need to cut off
his SUPPLY pronto. What does ‘cutting off his supply’ mean?
It means that you cut off his access to you, your time, and anything else
you normally have to offer. Make him earn it. Don’t just hand it out
because he demanded it, or asked for it. Make your man earn what you
have to offer, with not just his words or demands. Make him earn that
from you with his ACTIONS.
Alarming Question #3: Is he lying to me?
If you have to ask this… honestly, he is!
If you EVER even remotely have a doubt about this, it means that he is.
You see, there’s a powerful reason why I mentioned intuition before, and
it’s because of this EXACT question. You see, by the time you find yourself
wondering if your man is being honest with you, or if he is telling you the
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truth… it means that your gut instinct has come in and said “hey wait a
minute here, something isn’t adding up!”.
Why is your gut instinct saying that?
Well you see, the truth NEVER contradicts itself, and your gut instinct
ONLY ever comes out to play, when something is contradicting itself.
The truth cannot be argued, or contradicted. It simply just is.
So if you find yourself having arguments or contradictions to anything that
your man is saying or doing, it means one thing, and one thing only: he’s
not telling you the whole story.
Now he could be omitting details, but this is what I like to call “lying by
omission”. It means that your man refuses to tell you what you actually
need to know, and therefore is completely comfortable with you believing
anything BUT what you actually need to know.
What is that so?
Well if he doesn’t tell you the whole story, or if he omits details, it means
that you have to come in and make assumptions from your end to fill the
gaps. Your man of course, knows that your assumptions are not entirely
correct, but is COMPLETELY ok with you assuming that.
That’s obviously not good, if your man is OK with you believing or thinking
the wrong things. Why would a man need you to believe or think the
wrong things?
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Well, a man only needs to do that if he is trying to avoid having to lie in
the first place.
This is why it’s called lying by omission… because if he was to tell you
details about something, he’d ultimately be lying to you. So he lies instead,
in another way, by failing to reveal certain details.
So there are two kinds of lying. Direct lying, where he outright tells you
something false, and then lying by omission, where he avoids telling you
the truth and allows you to believe whatever you want to believe even if
that’s not correct.
Now again, any time you have to ask yourself “is my man lying to me”? It
means that SOMETHING he is saying or doing, is contradicting the
ORIGINAL message he sent you.
So again, it means that somewhere, he hasn’t told you EVERYTHING, and
hasn’t been completely honest. Trust your gut instinct on this one, because
it’s 100% accurate in this case.
Now it’s up to you to figure out what you want to do after this, once you
have realized the fact that any time you find a contradiction, or any time
you can argue something your man is saying, it means that he is lying to
you.
That’s up to you if you want to confront him, or if you want to dig deeper
for information, or if you just want to drop it. But I would recommend here
and now, that you actually don’ t try to press your man directly for
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information, because it’s very clear that the more direct you try to be, the
more he tries to hide whatever it is from you.
So the key here is to go in another route, indirectly, and to work your way
around it. That, or just don’t put up with that and withdraw, because
honestly if this is what is going on in your relationship, you DO deserve
better!
Now the main Drama Method program, which you received alongside this
report, has a section discussing how to get a guy to vomit out all of his
lies. You can find that information in Chapter 27 of the main Drama
Method program.
Alarming Question #4: Does he just want to use me for sex?
If you find that the ONLY thing your man ever prioritizes, puts emphasis
one, makes time for, or wants to talk about is simply SEX, then YES, he is
just using you for sex.
If the only thing he can ever concentrate on, is the physical aspect of the
relationship, your body, your looks, and more, it means that he ONLY
wants to use you for sex.
If he completely dodges the topic of committing further to you, such as in
becoming more exclusive to you, marrying you, or basically any heavy
commitment related subject, then it also means that he is just using you
for sex.
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If he sexualizes almost everything, such as turning everything ‘dirty’ no
matter what topic of subject you are on, or turning everything into
something sexual, no matter what you are doing, then yes, he is all about
the sex… and is just using you for that.
If he only cares about HIMSELF during intimacy, and only seems to want to
satisfy and please himself, then again, he is just using you for sex.
If he only conveniently appears in your life, when he wants to get some
intimacy, then again, he is JUST using you for sex.
A man who is NOT using you for sex, would be MORE THAN comfortable
with non-sexual subjects, and activities with you. This means that he
wouldn’t mind just cuddling, or watching a movie, without turning it into
something sexual.
This means that a man who is NOT using you for sex would spend a
GREAT DEAL of time with you outside of the bedroom. He takes you out,
he hangs out with you, and he spends time with you in a genuine way.
A guy who is just using you for sex, however, turns all of your dates
together, into a ‘let’s stay at home’ reality, and barely ever takes you out.
He doesn’t waste time trying to take you anywhere, because again, his
only concern is what happens in or around the bedroom, sexually.
A man who doesn’t just want you for sex, however, will court you properly,
and will have no issues taking you out to have fun, and spend genuine
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time together.
A guy who is just using you for sex will also find convenient excuses or
ways to get out of any topic that does not immediately relate back to his
need for sexual validation from you.
This means that even when you want to have a normal or serious
conversation with such a man, he will quickly dodge the topic, and will
twist your words so that everything is back in HIS control again.
He will also clearly tell you that he only just wants to take things slow, or
that he doesn’t want to ruin what you have by getting into a deeper
relationship with you.
He will basically tell you all kinds of things, that pertain back to how being
together beyond a level of just intimacy, is somehow bad, or the wrong
thing for you and this man.
That’s a bunch of crap, honestly. It’s not the wrong thing, and you know it.
Your gut instinct is telling you that he’s trying to feed you some bull crap.
Your job then is to throw that garbage out, to the curb, because you are
not a doormat, and you especially are not a temporary solution for some
guys’ idea of a fling.
You are a real woman, who has a lot of value to offer. Make him see that,
by cutting off his supply to you, in the first place. This means that you only
give in to a man, when he has earned it fist. This is true EVEN if you have
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slept with a man. Remember that there is ALWAYS more for him to get and
receive from you.
Just because a guy slept with you, this doesn’t mean that he’s gotten all
that there is to receive from you. Therefore, if you want guys to see you as
more than just a sex object, you need to put your foot down, and need to
draw clear boundaries, and you do this by making a man work to earn
intimacy from you, instead of handing it to him prematurely.
Alarming Question #5: Is he going to change?
Well, yes and no. What kind of change are you looking for?
If you are looking for him to change any of the things that have just been
listed so far, then he will ONLY change if you put your foot down for once,
where it counts.
If a man is really driving you up the wall, and is doing things like lying to
you, using you, or leading you on, then it’s not HIM who needs to change,
but it’s YOU!
Now either you need to change your standards, or your boundaries, or you
need to change your guy.
If he is really bent on being the worst possible human being he possibly
can around you, as he proceeds to take you for granted, and as he
proceeds to treat you like a piece of garbage… using you, and then
throwing you away, then you need to re-evaluate why it is that you are
even bothering with such a man.
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Love can only go so far. Forget the whole “but I love him” argument. Do
you really love him?
He’s a nasty guy. He’s treating you like garbage. Do you love that?
Heck no! What you love then, is the idea of what could be… but that’s only
an idea.
NEVER love an idea. Love things that actually exist, and work with that is
actually happening.
Ideas are nice, but if you hang onto them heavily, you will find yourself
constantly feeling crushed over and over again around your man. There
has to therefore, be a mix of reality.
If you are wondering if your man will ever change, and if he will ever do
the right things for once, this means that you are sitting around, waiting
and HOPING that he will get the point and will do it.
But if you have reached a level where you have to wait and HOPE that
your man will, it means that he won’t.
You see a guy either does something, or he doesn’t. There is no ‘maybe’.
Forget MAYBE. IT doesn’t exist. Either he’s doing what he’s supposed to, or
he is misbehaving like a little brat in the relationship.
You cannot work off of ‘maybe’s or ‘what ifs’ anymore. You need to work
with what is going on. If your man is not changing, it means he doesn’t
want to. Forget what he is TELLING you. Look at his actions.
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If he says he wants to be with you, yet every step of the way he is actually
resisting strongly, it means that he WON’T change, because if he truly
wanted to be with you, he’d be matching that intention with actions.
Thus, you can tell if a man truly wants to change by looking at whether or
not his actions are matching his intentions. If he tells you that he INTENDS
to do something, but magically never does it, it means he’s not going to
change.
So your option then is to either accept that, or to simply move on. But you
can’t fight it. You can’t fight it, again, because your man never intended on
changing to begin with, so no amount of arguing, fighting, or attempts to
‘convince’ him into changing will work then.
A man who actually wants to change, will do what he said. There are no
if’s, and’s or butt’s about it. He will just DO it. Remember that.
Alarming Question #6: Does he even care about my feelings or wants?
Another way of asking this same question, is to ask if he is always going to
be THIS selfish.
Well a man can ONLY be extremely selfish and can ONLY disregard your
feelings, and your desires, if you let him walk all over you to do that in the
first place.
A man can only ever use you as well, if you give him permission to do that.
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This might sound strange, but if a guy is acting extremely selfishly, it’s
because he feels like you have ALLOWED him to do that. Part of a man
acting selfishly, appears in the behaviour of usury.
Usury, means that your man is using you for something, but doesn’t give
back to you. So it’s all about him, him, and more him…
He will disregard what you want, as he prioritizes his needs, wants, and
feelings first every single time.
But a man only EVER acts this way, if you have given him the power, and
therefore permission to do this in the first place.
Giving a man permission to misbehave like this, means that you actually
rewarded him for his poor behaviour. This means that when a man puts
himself first all of the time, that you actually LET him do it, because you
still stick around and entertain his needs, wants, and desires, even if that
means that yours get pushed aside.
The solution here, therefore is to not actually reward your man when he
starts to act extremely selfishly. Just back away emotionally, and don’t give
him too much attention during these moments, so that he doesn’t feel like
you are PERMITTING him to be extremely selfish.
That’s how you remind him that there are TWO people in the relationship,
and not just one.
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Alarming Question #7: Why is he so stubborn and frustrating?
Men resist you the most, when they feel like you are trying to force them
to do something, in the first place.
Basically, any time your man feels like you are trying to push him to do
something, or as though you are not even giving him a CHOICE, he will
become stubborn, and frustrating beyond belief.
It doesn’t even matter if a guy is in the wrong, because if you are trying to
push him to do the right thing, he will EVEN resist that.
Why?
Again, men hate being told what to do. They like to feel like they are in
control. They don’t like being given ultimatums, or being bossed around,
especially in a relationship.
So if you find that your man is acting as stubborn as a mule, and is
becoming heavily frustrating and resistant to you, or the relationship, it’s
because you are putting too much pressure on him in the wrong way.
The best way to reach a man, is not to tell him what to do, not to demand
it, and not to give ultimatums.
You must instead nudge him and encourage him to do the right thing, by
letting him, know that you appreciate it when he does it, and by letting him
know that you’d LIKE for him to do something, but that you don’t NEED
him to do it.
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Needing a man to do something, makes a man feel like he isn’t even
allowed to have a choice. You must give your man the illusion that he at
least has a choice, even remotely, otherwise he feels trapped. You do this
by telling a man that you would like for him to do something, but without
telling him that you NEED him to do it.
Alarming Question #8: Why am I always having to push him to do the
right things?
If you find yourself always having to push your man to do the right things,
almost to the point where you are having to take him by the hand every
step of the way, just to get him to do it, it means that your man really
doesn’t WANT to do it.
This is true no matter what aspect of your relationship you are dealing
with, from commitment, to honesty, to sharing etc… if your man is NOT
doing it, and you always have to tell him to do it, push him, or try to
‘convince’ him, it simply means that he doesn’t want to do it.
So why don’t men want to do things in the relationship, and why do
women always have to push their men to do the right thing?
Well part of the reason is that men are not POSITIVELY motivated to want
to do the right things in the first place. If a man is hesitating, or if he isn’t
taking action on his own accord without you first having to push him, or
punish him into doing it, it’s because he doesn’t feel motivated positively to
do it.
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Why doesn’t a man feel motivated? Well he’s either scared of doing it,
because he feels like it’s going to make things worse for him, or he doesn’t
feel like he needs to.
If a man is scared of doing the right thing, such as being honest for
example, that’s because you would have made it so hard for him to do that
in the first place before, which means that now he fears being honest
means that you will argue with him, fight with him, or will punish him.
If a man, however, feels like he doesn’t need to do something, but isn’t
actually afraid of doing it, that’s because you have given him SO much,
already, that now he doesn’t feel like he even has to do the right thing to
earn more.
What does this truly mean?
Well it means that a man will basically put his feet up, will relax, and will
take you for granted if he feels like you will give him what he wants, even
if he is misbehaving. Why should he work to do the right thing, if you are
still going to give him attention, and the time of day, even if he
misbehaves?
Thus the only two reasons why a man has to be PUSHED into doing the
right things, is if you are not motivating him to want that, by either:
A) Rewarding him prematurely, before he even did anything right, or
B) Scaring him away from feeling motivated to do the right thing, by
punishing him, even when he does.
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So the key here is to stop standing in your own way then, and instead of
concentrating on trying to force him or push him into doing the right thing,
work now on concentrating on your own behaviour that is PREVENTING
him from feeling motivated in the first place.
If you are standing in your own way, get out of your own way, which
means you must stop making it difficult for your man to do the right thing,
by freaking out, arguing or worse if he does.
You must also not DISREGARD any GOOD progress your man has made in
your relationship so far, by suggesting that any progress is still not enough,
or isn’t good enough for you. Allow small successes, so that your man can
feel rewarded, to want to do more of the right stuff in the future.
Likewise, if you give in to your man, even when he is misbehaving, you
must stop, because the rewards him negatively, and tells him that he will
get MORE from you, if he misbehaves.
Alarming Question #9: Why does he say one thing, but do another?
If a man is saying one thing, but is doing another, it’s because he is
concentrating on what he wants to have happen in the NOW.
What does that mean?
Well, if a guy is saying something, such as in the example of saying what
you want to hear, but then doesn’t follow through with action afterward, it
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means that he is ONLY saying that thing, in the moment, to get what he
wants from you in the moment.
This is why a lot of men utilize the ‘say what she wants to hear’ reality,
wherein they basically say anything, and everything, as long as it will work
to get what they want from you, IN the moment.
The solution to this, is therefore simple. Do not accept his words. In fact,
deny them, and do not take them very seriously. If anything, take them
with a grain of salt, and gently remind your man that you need more than
just pretty words for your relationship.
Ultimately what this means, is that you don’t accept whatever your man is
saying, until or unless he backs it up with actions. You know how they say
that actions say a thousand words?
That’s about it. Go for his actions, and completely dodge ever having to
take only his WORDS as his bond ever again. That way you will never have
the problem of a man saying one thing, but doing another ever again, AND
you will get what YOU want in the moment, finally.
Alarming Question #10: Why does he twist everything I say around?
If a man is twisting everything you say around, it means that he has
ulterior motives. Now before you end up feeling bad about this, there are
two circumstances in which a man will twist your words around, based on
his ulterior motives.
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The first circumstance, is when he wants to be selfish, and thus twists
everything in HIS favor, to ensure that everything becomes about him. You
can notice that a man is doing this, when he finds ways to turn YOUR
problems into a discussion about HIS problems, by twisting your words
around, to make it about himself.
This circumstance usually ends up being an experience, wherein you
started to try to talk about your feelings, your concerns, or your problems
in the relationship, or even in general, but suddenly you find your man
twisting everything you said, and then suddenly he’s talking about his
problems, and his concerns.
That’s when you know that your man is doing it for selfish reasons, and the
ulterior motive here, is simply attention seeking. Thus, your man turns
everything into a conversation about himself, or is twisting what you say,
so that again, you give him attention, and so that everything becomes
about HIM.
The second circumstance of a man twisting your words, is when he wants
to avoid having to directly take responsibility for something. This means
that he’s looking to avoid having to admit a fault, so he will twist your
words around, to paint him as no longer being wrong.
Men do this when they want to avoid having to follow through with
commitments, or promises, or when they want to get out of having to be
held accountable in their relationship.
The ulterior motive here, is to avoid a problem, and to avoid having to be
blamed as being the cause of that problem as well. So in this case, when
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you find your man twisting your words, it will be to actually place the
blame, accountability, and fault, on anything and ANYONE else, but
himself.
So you will find him twisting the words, so that he magically is no longer to
blame, or so that he magically has an wonderful excuse or reason as to
why he’s truly not responsible for the problem.
Either way, the theme of BOTH circumstances is this: if your man is
twisting your words around, it means that he’s trying to dodge something.
He might be trying to dodge having to give you any attention, or he might
be trying to dodge having to acknowledge something that you’re trying to
point out.
In this case, what you should do, is you should emotionally calm down in
the circumstance, so that you don’t freak out and argue a ton, only further
validating his point of turning the attention AWAY from the actual topic at
hand.
Back away from the subject, if he starts doing this, therefore and tell your
man clearly, in this moment that you will come back to the topic, once he
has calmed down, and once he is ready to listen.
You then pull away emotionally and physically, to let him know that you
will not reward him for that kind of bizarre and cruel behaviour.
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Doing this draws a clear boundary that tells him, it’s not fine if he
negatively twists everything you say around, so that he doesn’t have to
deal with certain things, when it’s convenient for him.
Alarming Question #11: Will he ever prioritize me?
If your man prioritizes his family, his job, his dog, and even things like his
dirty laundry needing to be washed, above you, then the first thing you
need to know about this, is that your man clearly does NOT want to
prioritize you.
If you find him giving importance to everyone, and everything, EXCEPT
you, then you are quite literally the least important thing in his mind, and
his life.
But this doesn’t mean that your man will NOT prioritize you. You see, it’s
simple. If a guy is treating everything, but you, as being important in his
life, it means that he is taking you for granted on an EXTREME scale.
That’s what causes a guy to lose appreciation for your value and
importance in a relationship, is when he feels like you will always be there,
no matter what he does.
What happens once a man feels this way, is he starts to relax, and take it
easy, as he begins to pay attention and give priority to everything but you.
Why does he do that?
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Again, it’s because he feels like you will always be there for him, to hold his
hand, baby him, and love him through thick and thin.
But this isn’t the kind of ‘thin’ you should be putting up with. This is the
kind of ‘thin’ you should be avoiding, because it means that you ultimately
are giving your man permission to treat you like a human doormat.
The solution in this case, therefore, is to pull away, again. You are not
going to reward a man for all the wrong things. He cannot appreciate you,
if you are always giving in to him, and are always ‘there’ for him, even
when he hasn’t earned that right from you.
Is prioritizing everybody and everything else but you, a good reason to
give in to your man? Just think about that for a while, and let that question
sink in, because until or unless you answer that question with an
astounding “NO”, you need to re-evaluate your own priorities as well.
Remember that your needs and wants are important in a relationship too.
Alarming Question #12: Why does he always get so defensive, or
argue everything?
A man gets defensive, and begins to argue everything, even if it’s the
smallest of things, when he feels like you simply just don’t ‘get’ his side, or
when he feels like you simply don’t get him.
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Men will often become rather difficult, and argumentative, when they feel
like they’ve already explained things to you 10,000 times over again, but
you still haven’t gotten the message they are trying to send.
By the time a man is becoming defensive or is arguing, it means that he’s
actually giving up, emotionally, on trying to ‘care’ about whether or not you
understand his side. It means that he will just get nasty, and will argue
now, because he no longer has the patience to be nice about his viewpoint
or his perspective.
Keep in mind that a guy only ever gets this way, after trying, but FAILING
to communicate a need, or a message to you NUMEROUS times over and
over.
A man never gets overly argumentative or defensive, if he hasn’t already
first felt like he’s gone through the communication wringer. A man also
does this, as noted, when he feels like you simply don’t understand him.
That makes a man really feel like you only care about yourself, and thus he
starts to disregard your feelings, your stance, and your opinions, because
he feels like you only care about yourself.
Why does he feel that way? Well, he’s tried to get you to understand his
side, and his needs so many times now, but you keep confusing the
message, or keep disregarding everything he’s said.
The key here, therefore is to listen to your man, without involving your
personal emotions, or without taking it personally in the future.
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It’s when you take the things he is saying personally, that you turn it into
something about yourself, and thus cannot hear the message, or cannot
understand what it is that your man is trying to communicate about
himself.
Almost always, therefore the solution in this case, is to simply listen better,
and to listen not just with your ears, but with your actions as well, because
men hate having to tell you over and over, and over again, what to do, or
what they mean.
They also hate when you take everything they say personally, which means
that they become defensive, because you again, are taking it far too
personal, and now they have to defend themselves because of that fact.
Alarming Question #13: Is he going to take responsibility in the
relationship?
Are you dealing with a dodgy guy, the kind of guy who never seems to
want to take responsibility for HIS half of the relationship?
Does he skip out on all of the chores that are involved in the relationship?
Does he avoid having to be held accountable for the things he promised, or
said he would do?
Does he break his promises, or does he always make YOU do all of the
work in the relationship?
Do you, for example, find yourself being the only one who budgets, or
takes care of the finances in the relationship, meanwhile he depends on
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you to do that for him?
Do you also, for example, find your man expecting you to hold the
relationship together, fix all of the problems, and to care the MOST when it
comes to your future together?
Do you furthermore, as another example, notice that your man will
sometimes hurt you, cause arguments, or worse… but never wants to
apologize, never wants to admit he was wrong, and therefore never wants
to take responsibility for his own actions or role in the problems that occur
in your relationship?
If your man is doing any of the above, it basically appears as though he is
not intent on taking responsibility for HIS side of the relationship.
(Obviously).
But what you should know about this, is that it’s not a permanent reality. If
he’s currently avoiding having to be held accountable for his own role in
the relationship, especially when it comes to the actions he does or does
not take to help sustain the relationship, you must do one thing, and one
thing only.
What is that thing?
You must cut off his supply.
If you feel like, again, you are the only one pulling your weight in the
relationship, you are the only one holding it together, and you are the only
one sustaining its future, you need to give LESS, then.
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As noted in the previous points, a man becomes extremely arrogant when
a woman starts to do everything for him, and he begins to take her for
granted, as he sits back, relaxes, and lets her take over everything.
That’s not what you want, is it? Heck no. So don’t allow that to be. It’s OK
to be concerned, to care, and to want your future to work out, but you
CANNOT be the ONLY person ever worrying about your future, or ever
working toward it.
If your man is lazing off, and if he is refusing to take responsibility for his
role in the relationship, what you do, is you LOWER the intensity of your
role, so that he finally can get some sense knocked into him.
This means that you don’t care MORE than he does anymore. You don’t
support him financially MORE than he supports you anymore. You don’t
come in and love him MORE than he loves you either.
You withhold that, until he finally starts to take over his side of the role.
It’s that simple.
Failure to do this, means that he will NOT ever take responsibility for his
side of the role in the relationship, because you will be taking over every
role on his behalf, thus you won’t be giving him any room to actually do it
himself.
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Alarming Question #14: What does it mean when he ignores me?
If a man is ignoring you, it means one of two things:
Reason #1: he is punishing you for bad behaviour.
Or
Reason #2: he is taking you for granted.
Now when a man is punishing you for bad behaviour, as with reason #1,
what this actually means, is this:
He’s tried to communicate to you, a few times over now, that something
you’ve been doing or saying is bothering him. You’ve completely missed
the message, so now he’s pulled away to force you to recognize your
behaviour on your own.
It’s important to note that a man will only try so hard, when it comes to
trying to convince a woman that some of her behaviour is hurting him.
This is why it’s extremely important to listen to a man not just with your
ears, but with intention to actually hear what it is that he actually needs.
This means that you shouldn’t take what he says personally, if he’s
criticizing one of your actions, but should rather consider what it means to
him, to be bringing that up in the first place.
Men don’t criticize for no reason, or out of the blue. They always have a
reason, and almost always if they are bringing up a behaviour of yours for
the first or second time, it means that it is REALLY bothering them, and
they are asking you to look into it, because it is hurting them.
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Now when you refuse to listen, or get their point, a man pulls away…
because he’s a human, and he’s got a limited threshold for pain. In this
instance, what you must do, is you must actually look back to the
immediate things he was asking you to change, or consider before he
pulled away.
You might have to look back into previous discussions before, because a
man will never directly explain why he is ignoring you. He will just ignore
you. That’s why you have to dig back further into his requests or
statements, so that you can find what it was that he was actually trying to
communicate.
You can tell that a man is ignoring you this way, if he starts to grow more
and more irritated, agitated, and short tempered with you, over a period of
time leading up to him ignoring you.
Basically he will be indicating in his temperament that you clearly are
irritating him, or are making him upset. It will be very clear in his mood, his
tone, and his actions leading up to him ignoring or avoiding you.
Now if he is, however, ignoring you for reason #2, wherein he is taking
you for granted, you will NOT notice that he is growing short tempered,
annoyed, or agitated.
Instead, you will just simply notice that your man avoids you, and ignores
you out of nowhere, with no explanation, and with no reason.
There will not even be so much of a hint or inkling either, which means he
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will basically just withdraw out of nowhere. In these cases, a man does
that, when he’s had his ‘fill’ of you, and therefore pulls away because he’s
had enough.
Now this doesn’t mean that he’s had his ‘fill’ in a negative way, but quite
the opposite. When a man starts to ignore or avoid you because he’s
taking you for granted, it’s because he’s gotten what he wanted, and now
he’s doing his own thing.
In these cases, what you must do, is you must refuse to give him anything
further, until he first starts to give you a return, from his end. This means
that you don’t give him attention anymore, until he gives you attention
properly first.
It means that you don’t call him a lot, or contact him heavily, and allow
him to step up to the plate to do that himself. Changing your behaviour
this way, helps to remove a man’s ability to ignore you or avoid you in the
future, because it doesn’t reward him for his bad behaviour once again.
So the key here, again, is that if a guy gets moody before he ignores you,
it means that it’s something you are doing. If he doesn’t get moody, but
just randomly pulls away, ESPECIALLY if things seem ok, then it’s because
he’s taking you for granted.
The solution in both cases is to again look at what it is that you are doing,
that is fueling that behaviour, and to stop it.
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Alarming Question #15: Am I just a fling to him?
If your guy always avoids, or dodges the subject of commitment, the
answer is yes.
If your guy ONLY concentrates on the NOW, and the temporary, and
refuses to discuss the future, or the long term, then the answer is, again,
an astounding yes!
If you find your guy doing any of the following as well, then the answer is
ALSO yes:
Only concentrating on the physical or sexual relationship, and not
working on fulfilling any of your other relationship needs or wants.
Making excuses as to why he can’t give you more, such as in the fact
that he wants to take it slow, or doesn’t want to ruin what you have
etc….
Refuses to allow you to meet anybody serious in his life, such as his
family, friends, or coworkers. He basically hoards you to himself,
secretly.
Keeps secrets about his personal life, so that you barely know
anything about him as an individual. Such as not really knowing
where he works, or what he does, and more.
He refuses to plan anything in the future, and mostly tries to play
everything by ear, thus reducing any ability for attachment from his
end.
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He basically has you at his beck and call, and you do everything on
HIS terms, and HIS time, when HE wants to. You can only talk to
him, when he wants you to. You can only hang out, when HE wants
etc…
He always tells you what you want to hear, but his actions don’t
really match his words.
He doesn’t like you using words like ‘us’, or ‘we’, and therefore tries
to also prevent you from talking about your relationship. He hates
you defining him as belonging to you in any way.
Etc…
Thus, the basic theme here is simple: if the guy is really not doing anything
remotely RELATIONSHIP related, it means that he is treating you like a
fling, and yes, you are a fling to him.
Guys who don’t want a fling, take the time to get to know you. They share
their personal life. They do things on YOUR time, and listen to your needs.
They have NO problems with you talking about the relationship, and your
togetherness seriously. They in fact enjoy that.
They also plan into the future, and even want to KNOW what their future
with you will be like.
So if your guy is not doing that, and avoids doing that, it means that he
only wants to treat you like a fling. What you need to do in that case, is
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refer back to the main Drama Method program, wherein I give you a
method to fling-proof your relationship, in Chapter 27.
Alarming Question #16: Does he really love me?
Again, if you have to ask yourself this question, it means that you actually
feel that he does not. If you have to ask yourself this question, it means
that your man is not PROVING with his actions, that he loves you either.
You see, if you find yourself questioning whether or not a man truly loves
you, it’s either because:
A) His actions are not matching his words, and thus he is not proving to
you properly that he does,
Or
B) He has a very selfish kind of love, wherein it’s all about HIM and his
needs.
Now if your man’s actions are not matching your words, this doesn’t mean
entirely that he doesn’t love you. It just means that you are either not
motivating him enough to follow through on his intentions, promises, or
words, or that you are making it hard for him to do that.
In this case, it means that even if a man did love you, you’d never really be
able to see that in his actions, because you are standing in your own way.
Now throughout this report, I’ve mentioned the fact that guys have a
tendency to take you for granted if you give in too much to them, without
first making them work for that in the first place.
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This is where it’s important to note that love means a completely different
thing to a man. If a man loves you, he might NOT fulfill all of your needs, if
you allow him to take you for granted.
Again you never want your man to be sitting around thinking that you are
always going to be there to love him, no matter what. Yes, it’s nice that
you want to be able to love your man that way, unconditionally, however,
your man doesn’t love like that.
Your man loves you with conditions, because he loves you with logic, not
emotion. This means that if you are allowing him to sit around, and laze off
in the relationship, it means that he will. That’s basically how it works.
That’s basically how a man loves you, if that’s how you ALLOW him to love
you, in the first place.
This is why it’s important to never ONLY accept just a man’s words, but to
only accept his ACTIONS. This way you only reward him when he’s actually
done something, instead of when he’s said he would do something, in the
relationship.
So in the case of a man’s actions not matching his words, when it comes to
whether or not he loves you, the simple fix again, is to only accept his
actions, and never just his words, so that he can PROVE that he loves you
properly.
Now if this is not the case, and you are instead dealing with a selfish man,
who has taken the whole ‘not matching his actions to his words’ thing to a
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whole other level, wherein everything is constantly about his wants, needs,
and desires, then it definitely means he does NOT love you.
In this case, he ONLY loves himself. I am not even kidding here either. If a
man constantly prioritizes himself, his needs, wants, and desires above and
beyond yours, every step of the way, in your relationship, it means that he
only loves himself.
If a man truly loved you, he’d have no problems, putting your needs first,
from time to time, or listening to what you have to say, or prioritizing you.
Don’t allow yourself, therefore, to put up with, or end up stuck with a man
who ONLY wants to fulfill ONE kind of love, in your relationship. What love
is that? The love he has for himself.
That’s not a fair deal. If he wanted to just love himself, he shouldn’t have
gotten into a relationship. It’s that simple.
Alarming Question #17: Is he playing mind games?
If you constantly feel like your buttons are being pushed, or find yourself
extremely frustrated and more often confused than not with your man’s
behaviour, then it means that he IS in fact playing mind games.
You see, men are creatures of logic, which means that they almost always
like to cut to the chase, and get straight to the point, with things,
especially in a relationship.
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If you find him, however NOT doing that, it means that he is in fact playing
mind games. Remember that men almost always approach everything from
a heavily rational and logical standpoint, which means that there really
should be no confusion, or feeling as though nothing is making any sense,
when it comes to your man’s actions or words.
Any time, you therefore find that his words are failing to make sense, or
you are struggling to understand his bizarre behaviour, this is when your
gut instinct is kicking in to tell you that ‘something isn’t right’. It means
that he is in fact playing mind games.
Now men don’t play mind games for the reason that you think. They
actually often play mind games to test you, so any time you find yourself
feeling extremely frustrated, or feeling as though your man is going out of
his way to push your buttons, this is because he’s testing you.
Why do men test women?
Well, they do that, to gauge how they should respond, and react, in the
long term to your behaviour. They don’t react to you based on how they
‘feel’ about the situation, but they instead react to you, based on how they
feel YOU react to situations.
So they push your buttons, and test you, with certain mind games, to see
what kinds of reactions you might have to small, or big situations, so that
they can know if you can handle the real thing.
Basically a guy plays mind games, to figure out if he should give you more,
or less therefore.
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Now the key, therefore, in these moments, is that you should NEVER
emotionally explode onto your man, even if you know he’s pushing your
buttons on purpose. Remember that he’s doing that to see what kind of a
reaction you are going to have.
If you flip out, EVEN if you hate the fact that he’s playing a mind game, it
tells him that you are hard to handle, and scares him away. This is true
even if a man has known you for a long time. He will STILL feel inclined to
push your buttons, just to see if you have changed.
So once more, you can tell that a man is doing that, if you notice that your
man, for example, is pushing buttons on sore subjects that you already
TOLD him, bother you, yet he is still persisting, on purpose.
That’s how you tell if he is playing mind games, is when he pushes your
boundaries, crosses them, or disregards them completely, just to see what
you will do.
Alarming Question #18: Is he keeping his options open?
If he clearly has NOT made you #1 in his life, by doing any of the
following, then it means that he is in fact keeping his options open:
He often breaks up with you, takes distance, or tries to peg you into
a ‘friends with benefits, but nothing more’ kind of a reality.
He limits how often he can see you, which clearly means you are not
a priority in his life.
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He refuses to limit his access to other women, and you often
catching him either looking at other women, flirting with them,
talking to them, or talking about them to you.
He often talks about how he is uncertain if you make a good couple
together.
He tries to convince you, that he might not be what you want.
(Again, keeping his options open, by trying to help you keep yours
open too, so that you don’t turn too clingy.)
He gets mad if you become clingy, and often pulls away the closer
you try to become to him.
He never gives you a clear answer as to your relationship status. One
moment he says you are together, the next minute he’s not so sure.
He always has reasons or excuses as to why you are not good
enough to commit to further, and uses those excuses, to always hold
you back from getting more from him, by making you feel as if it’s
something you are doing wrong.
He has a lot of female friends, but they aren’t exactly necessary
female friends. You find that he LOVES the idea of having an open
relationship with all kinds of women.
He likes to spend time more with others, than he does with you.
Etc…
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Basically, the main theme here, if a guy is keeping his options open, is that
you can clearly see that he almost refuses to exclusively commit to you.
You will constantly feel as though it’s just something that YOU need to
change, because he also tries to make excuses, by saying that you must
change this or that, before he can even THINK about becoming more
exclusive to him.
You’ll notice that he hasn’t really STOPPED talking about other women, nor
looking at them either. He clearly is not 100% enthralled with the idea of
you, alone, and thus he is looking for other options.
He will also compare you to other women, asking you, why you can’t be
more like them, or he will point out things in other women that you clearly
don’t have going on for yourself.
This is another obvious sign that he is keeping his options open, because
he’s clearly telling you that he considers other women, because he’s
comparing you to them in the first place. If he was not considering other
women, why would he be comparing you to them?
You’ll also notice that he often pushes you away out of nowhere, and takes
‘relationship’ breaks, or tries to put you in the friend zone. A man who is
trying to keep his options open, always wants to LOWER your status and
importance in his life, so that he can limit how clingy and attached you get,
should he find another, better woman, later on.
In these cases, the only thing you can do is to reverse this reality onto
your man, wherein you let him know that YOU are the one keeping your
options open here. You let your man know that you want him, but don’t
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need him, so that you establish yourself as a high quality woman in his
mind.
Ultimately, if a man is keeping his options open, it’s because he feels as
though you are not the highest quality woman, that he can come across.
Establishing yourself as the BEST woman he could ever come across,
completely removes a man’s ability to keep his options open after that,
because he will feel like he has found the one.
You therefore, turn yourself into a high-quality catch, by reversing the
roles, and by reminding him that you aren’t stuck with him, nor is he your
‘best’ choice either, so that he feels challenged to prove that he is worthy
of you.
Alarming Question #19: Is he going to marry me?
If you find yourself having to ask this, it means that the current answer is
NO. You never, once again, want to base your conclusions off of your
man’s words alone.
If he’s stringing you along the whole “oh I want a life, and a family, and
kids, with you” fantasy, you need to come back down to earth, and need to
ask your man to step up to the plate.
A man who says those things, but who does not CLEARLY draw an action
plan, and who does not CLEARLY take action steps to make that come
true, is not a man who intends on marrying you.
Men who want to marry you, will draw out a clear plan of action, and will
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let you know their intentions of that plan as well. They will also make that
plan happen, by following through with actions.
There will be no if’s, and’s or butt’s about it. It doesn’t matter what kind of
relationship problems you have either, because every relationship has
problems. Thus, it doesn’t matter what your relationship problems are,
because if a man is telling you he wants to marry you, he WILL do it, if he
actually wants to, regardless of your relationship dynamics.
A man who doesn’t want to marry you however, will be all sweet talk, but
when you ask him to step up to the plate, suddenly he will have tons of
excuses as to why he cannot, why it’s a bad idea, and even more
magically, why it’s ALL your fault!
So, if a man is just stringing you along, and doesn’t actually intend on
marrying you, again, he will do the following:
He will tell you how he wants to be with you, almost in such a way
that it sounds like what you want to hear. He will especially do this, if
YOU pull away from him, so that he can snag you back, and not feel
like he’s losing you.
He will talk about the future in an open-ended way, instead of a very
clear, concise, planned way. It means that he uses words like ‘if I’, or
‘I want to’, instead saying things like “I am going to”, “I will”, and “I
am about to”. If a guy is saying things like “if” or “I want”, it means
that he’s only dreaming, and isn’t actually going to do it.
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He withdraws when you pressure him to offer you a deeper level of
commitment, and avoids you when you try to get clear commitments
from his end, in the relationship.
He gives all kinds of excuses and reasons as to why he can’t
ACTUALLY commit, when you actually ask him to prove that he is
going to.
He fails to get you the ring, tell his family about it, or include any
actual physical reality that would involve evidence of commitment,
including even going as far as to avoid taking pictures together,
because he will claim that he just doesn’t LIKE that.
He keeps on putting off making any final decisions, or taking any
finalizing steps, by saying that he just needs to make more money,
or that he just needs to work more. Yet he never seems to EVER
make enough, have enough, or work enough to finally just commit,
or take the next step.
He often tells you that he doesn’t know, or isn’t sure, and fails to give
you any clear answers.
He acts as if getting married is not his thing, and tries to downplay
the importance of marriage, or downplays the importance of other
heavy commitments as well.
He still ‘fights’ for his freedom, and tries to act like committing further
is somehow going to ruin his life, or prevent him from living his life.
This means that he talks a lot about what he wants to do with his
life, OUTSIDE, of you.
Etc…
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So if your guy is guilty of the above behaviour, it genuinely, 100%, means
that he is not intending on marrying you.
In this case, you must either accept that reality, if that’s how things are
going to be, or you can move on, deciding not to sit on the sidelines in
your own life, waiting for a man to do something, that he clearly doesn’t
want to do.
Now of course, if you really want him to finally marry you, you are going to
have to COMPLETELY change his mind about what it means to marry you
in the first place. If he’s behaving as described above, it means that he
basically feels as though marrying you, would trap him in a dead-end
relationship, where he doesn’t feel fulfilled.
Helping him to feel fulfilled, is therefore the solution to resolving that
problem, and you can learn how to do that, again in the main Drama
Method program.
Alarming Question #20: Does he want to break up with me?
What a whammy of a question, but even with that noted, it’s a question
that you should be aware of BEFORE it even becomes a problem. If you
are feeling as though a guy wants to get rid of you, dump you, or divorce
you etc… in your relationship, then you’ve probably already seen the tell-
tale signs of that reality, in behaviour such as:
Noticing that your man criticizes you a ton, and complains about all
of the things you do wrong, any chance he can get.
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Finding that your man distances himself from you, for the pettiest of
reasons.
You watch as your relationship turns into a heavy battle zone of
endless arguments, insults, low blows and more.
You notice that your man cuts off INTIMATE communication with
you, by no longer letting you into his thoughts, feelings, or personal
matters. He now excludes you, and distances you from any personal
matters.
He cuts you off, if you try to reason with him, as to why you can be
together, by telling you exactly why it won’t work out. He leaves you
no room to get clingy, or attached anymore, basically.
You find that he limits physical contact, or activity, pushing you
away, if you try to get close.
He starts to suggest that you should see other people, or that you
would be BETTER OFF with other people, or begins asking you if you
feel that he’s truly the best fit for you. (This is to raise doubt, and to
make it easier for him to break things off.)
He purposefully hurts you and does the things you hate, in hopes
that YOU will break it off with him, so that he doesn’t have to do it.
He fails to care about your feelings, wants, or desires anymore, and
even fails to bother caring to apologize when he gets rude, snarky, or
mean in your presence. He doesn’t feel like he should be sorry, to
somebody he doesn’t even want to be with, basically.
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He stops telling you the details about his day, and stops opening up
to you, or sharing his life with you. He now acts cold, dry, and
distant.
He has little to NO patience with you, and is often explosive, even
over the littlest of things, which makes you feel like you are
constantly walking on egg shells.
You notice that he fails to take you out, or spend time with you
anymore, together as a couple. Now it’s just him spending time with
himself alone, even if it means that he’s avoiding you, just to do his
laundry or some other mundane task. He basically blows you off now
for the strangest reasons.
He magically has become busy with work, friends, or other things all
of the time now, and has NO time to even talk to you, let alone see
you anymore.
Etc…
In these cases, it’s very clear that a man wants to break off his relationship
with you, if he’s very clearly acting in the most miserable, distant, and
impatient manner possible.
The most significant and consistent sign of them all, is of course when you
notice that your man will say and do anything to hurt you, WITHOUT
fearing repercussions, or without caring too much if what he says or does
hurts you.
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A man who wants to be with you, would be deeply and severely concerned
about upsetting you, but a man who wants to break things off, no longer
cares about your feelings, and thus doesn’t care if they get hurt in the mix.
What you can do in this case, if you feel as though your man might break
up with you, is to back away from him, from your end, emotionally. Almost
all of the situations and behaviours described from your man’s end, will feel
heavily tempting and enticing to want to respond to, but if you respond,
you are more likely to make it worse.
The only thing you can do here, is try and understand where he is coming
from, and to try to listen to him better, so that you can stop the behaviour
that is pushing him to want to leave in the first place.
Alarming Question #21: Am I just a friend to him?
This is possibly worse than a man breaking up with you, because it means
that he wants to keep you around, but that he doesn’t want to be with
you, on a deeper, and more intimate level. This is what is known as the
‘friend zone’, and if you are really unfortunate, you might even be stuck in
the ‘friends with benefits’ zone.
When you are dealing with a guy who just wants to keep you as a friend,
but doesn’t want you as a lover, you will probably notice that he does a lot
of the following:
He may avoid anything intimate, meaning he completely avoids
intimacy with you altogether. He’ll do everything, but become
intimate with you, OR:
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He’ll offer you intimacy without attachment, instead. He’ll be intimate
with you, but will refuse to call you his GF, or will cringe when you
suggest that you should be exclusive to one another, as a proper
couple.
He fails to ever directly ask you out on a date, or directly verbally
confirm to you any romantic interest. This means that he might be
nice to you, but he never actually verbally tells you that he wants to
be with you beyond the level of simple friendship.
He’s overly nice to you, even to the point of always seeming to get
along with you, always laughing at your jokes, never criticizing you
etc… Those are things that FRIENDS do. They laugh along with your
jokes, even if they are bad. FRIENDS avoid criticizing you, even if
they want to. A BOYFRIEND, however, will be more honest, and
would criticize you, or would tell you if something you said wasn’t
that funny.
He apologizes for any physical contact that you DO end up having.
Let’s say he accidentally touched your arm, or accidentally bumped
into you. Guess what he does? He apologizes for entering your
personal space! That’s what friends do… they respect personal space
and boundaries. Lovers, don’t have to do that.
He does disgusting or weird things around you, almost with comfort
and ease. Guys who want to be your lover, will be so worried about
trying to impress you, that they’d never even DREAM of letting out all
of their weird habits, or flaws in front of you. Guys who just want to
be your friend, however, have no problems doing this, because they
don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed, since they have no personal
motives involved in any of that.
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He treats you like a little kid sister. He teases you, gets sarcastic with
you, bugs you etc… just as though you were one of his little sisters.
He even starts to TELL you that he thinks of you like a sister, or like a
close family member. He might even say that you remind him of his
mother! (If that’s not enough of a hint, I don’t know what is!)
He details his intimate encounters with you, and even asks you for
ADVICE when it comes to his interest in other women, or his sexual
experience. Why would a man get into THAT much detail with a
woman he actually wanted to become lovers with? He wouldn’t.
He rarely hangs out with you one-on-one, and when he does, it’s
done in such a way that you can’t really make a move, or can’t really
get too close to him.
When he compliments you, he tells you that you are ‘nice’, but
doesn’t call you ‘sexy’. The compliments basically are as dry as a
desert, and are not passionately fueled.
Etc…
So if you are around a man who is treating you this way, it’s quite obvious,
that he has friend zoned you, and only sees you as a friend, but doesn’t
see you as anything more.
Now how do you get out of the friend zone in this case, if that’s what is
going on between you and a man you are interested in? Well, there is only
one thing you can do. You must stop worrying about being so NICE.
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You never get rewarded for simply being nice. What makes a man ‘go’ for
you, is not the fact that you are just nice, but rather the fact that you
might be intriguing, interesting, challenging, and more.
Being nice all of the time, means that you start to appear boring, and
become rather predictable. It makes you appear bland.
Step a little outside of that need to be a nice girl all the time, so that you
can take yourself out of the friend zone. Prove to this guy that you are
more adventurous, interesting, and alive than he initially thought. Doing
this will help him to become attracted to you in the right way.
Alarming Question #22: Is he going to commit to me?
Now this is not to be confused with the idea of simply trying to get a man
to marry you. There are MANY types of commitments, which include, but
are not limited to:
Having a man commit to being exclusive to you, sexually, and
intimately.
Having a man commit his time to you, so that he prioritizes you.
Having a man commit to caring about you, listening to you, and
showing concern for you.
Having a man commit to taking care of you, financially.
Etc…
So, the commitment I am referring to here, with this question, is the kind
where you need your man to agree to give you more, in an area of your
relationship, or in an aspect of the relationship where you need him to
fulfill a need, or a promise.
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In this case, if the answer to this question, of whether or not your man will
commit to you, will always be NO, if you don’t put your foot down. Again,
as you’ve been hearing so far in this report, men are extremely susceptible
to becoming rather lax in a relationship, if they feel like they are permitted,
and are allowed to be that way in the first place.
A man mostly listens to your actions, and not your words, which explains
why a lot of guys fail to simply do what you asked, or said, and they even
fail to do what they said they’d do too, if you are only TELLING them that
they should do it, but aren’t enforcing that with your actions either.
So any time you are looking for a commitment from your man, whether
that’s to be more honest with you, to become exclusive to you, to listen to
you more etc… you have to clearly communicate that you want this to
happen not just with your words, but you must follow through with your
actions.
That’s the ONLY case in which a man will actually start to commit to you,
in the way that you want him to. The other key, after this, is to make it
easy for him to fulfill his commitment, by not placing heavy or unrealistic
expectations on your man.
If you want him, for example, to open up to you, nudge him to do this, by
offering him appreciation in the moments that he does. But don’t punch
him in the gut, whenever he doesn’t either. Obviously a man won’t feel
enticed to want to open up more to you, if you are going to throw a hissy
fit any time he doesn’t. It only tells him more not to offer such a
commitment up to you.
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The same is true for any other kind of commitment as well. Make it easy
for him to do that, by accepting him when he does the right thing, and by
being reasonable, but not pressuring, when he doesn’t.
Alarming Question #23: Is this it? Is this all I am going to get from
him?
Well, no! Things could always get worse, or they could always get better.
No situation ever really stays the same. It either gets better, or it becomes
worse. This is true, because of the fact that the reality of your situation,
actually depends on how you want to handle it.
Let me put it this way: do you want to continue putting up with things that
you clearly cannot handle, don’t want anything to do with, or are sick and
tired of? If you want to continue putting up with the wrong things,
obviously things are going to get worse.
BUT, if you want to only make room and time for the RIGHT things, well,
then the only place to go from here, after this, is UP in your relationship.
You can ONLY get more from your man, once you learn how to handle him
properly, and once you learn how to draw clear boundaries. It’s the failure
to draw those boundaries, that has to asking a question like ‘is this all I am
going to get from my man’, in the first place.
Boundaries, by the way, are not only created simply to PREVENT your man
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from doing something. They are also created, to HELP your man become a
better man.
How is that possible?
Well, when you establish clear boundaries in your relationship, you set a
standard that you do not allow yourself, the relationship, or your man to
fall UNDERNEATH.
This standard could be one which sets a precedent for the quality of your
relationship. It could be a standard that determines how much each of you
has to grow as well, in the relationship. Either way, boundaries play one
important role in your relationship, which is to help set up a standard, that
prevents your relationship, from falling into a downward spiral.
Drawing clear boundaries that you maintain, and keep, is an extremely
healthy way to challenge your man into being a better person overall, as
an individual, and in your relationship. Your man equally draws boundaries
that you must respect, and maintain, so don’t feel so bad about the idea of
drawing them from your end either.
Do you think that your man has any problems with drawing boundaries, if
he feels that he needs to? Heck no.
That’s exactly why you should not fear drawing them either. Boundaries,
are therefore, basically a mandatory code of conduct, and higher standard
that you hold your man accountable to.
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There’s nothing wrong with that. So start setting the right kinds of
boundaries, if you actually want to end up in a reality beyond the ‘is this it’,
kind of thinking!
So how do you draw a boundary in your relationship? Well, you just simply
let your man know what kind of behaviour you appreciate, love, and
admire, and you tell him that when he exhibits that very same behaviour,
that you feel great, loved, and respected.
It’s that simple. You clearly let him know what you’d like more of, how, and
why, but in a very loving, and gentle way.
Then if he crosses that boundary by being disobedient, you remind him
that he’s disappointed you, because you KNOW that he’s better than this,
and that you appreciate him when he makes an effort to do more of the
good things you mentioned previously.
Alarming Question #24: Why is he just avoiding me or ignoring me?
Men avoid you, or ignore you, when they feel like you are too much of a
burden, emotionally, and physically to handle. Men, therefore withdraw,
when they feel like you are emotionally taxing.
Men have a very low emotional threshold, because they think along very
logical terms, which means that their capacity to understand and deal with
emotions is limited.
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This is especially true when negative emotions are added to the mix, either
from your end, or their own, if they start to feel bad around you.
A man, therefore, pulls away when he feels like you are doing any of the
following:
You are being too needy and CLINGLY, and thus are making him feel
claustrophobic, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
You are negatively projecting onto him emotionally, which he cannot
take, and thus he pulls away to feel better.
You are trying to pressure him into something, or are trying to force
him to do something, so he withdraws to avoid having to be forced
into something he didn’t even want to do.
You are fighting or arguing too much, which makes him feel like you
are a difficult person, but also makes him feel extremely drained.
You misunderstand him far too often, which makes him feel like it’s a
lot of work just to get you to understand, so he avoids you, to avoid
work.
Etc…
The main theme here, therefore of all of the above is simple. Any time a
man feels like something is going to be a problem, and is going to be
emotionally TAXING, he ignores you, avoids you, and withdraws.
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A man, if given the choice of dealing with something extremely difficult and
emotionally draining, or the choice of avoiding that altogether, will ALWAYS
choose the option to avoid it.
That’s easier for a man to do, because again, his level of emotional
capacity is not as strong as yours is. He can only handle so many negative
emotions piling up on one another at a time.
What you need to do, therefore, when you feel like a man is avoiding you
or is deliberating ignoring you, is to back off emotionally. If a guy is pulling
away very strongly from you, to such an extent that he literally goes out of
his way to stay away from you, it means that you are hurting him
emotionally.
Removing your emotions, and dealing with them privately, is therefore the
immediate and most important step which you must take in that very
moment. Failure to stop and get your emotions in check, means that your
man will continue to avoid and ignore you.
Remember that he’s just trying to avoid the negative emotional projection.
This doesn’t mean that he hates YOU. It just means that he is hurt by what
you are doing. So stop projecting negatively onto him, and be careful not
to make everything so intensely emotional all of the time, because that
kind of a reality is draining to many men.
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Alarming Question #25: Why can’t he just be honest and open with
me?
This is another question that applies to quite a few different realities, such
as wanting a man to be honest and open:
About his feelings.
About his intimate details.
About his life.
About his past.
About his problems or insecurities.
Etc…
It doesn’t really matter what it’s about, actually, when it comes to wanting
your man to be honest and open about something.
If you find your man failing and struggling to be open and honest with you,
alarm bells should be ringing in your head.
Those alarm bells, should however be ringing to a tune of a little song
called ‘stop trying to force your guy to open up to you’.
Do you know that song?
No?
Well you should, because any time you find difficulty in trying to get your
man to open up to you, it’s probably because you’re pressuring him to do it
in the first place, by asking tons and tons of repetitive questions, by
bringing up the subject directly and indirectly, and so forth.
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Obviously if your man is not being honest and open with you, about things
that go deeper than simply honesty itself, there is a problem.
But that problem is NOT with your man, as much as it is, with you. You
see, guys who fail to open up to their women, fail to find the ABILITY to do
it in the first place.
I know that this might sound absurd, but a man who fails to open up to
you properly, feels like he’s not in a position to do that.
How so?
Well, if a guy struggles to open up to you about an aspect of his life, it’s
because he feels like:
A) You will punish him if he is honest with you about it.
B) You will fail to understand him properly, which feels like another
punishment in itself.
C) You may use that against him negatively in the future, especially if it’s
insecurity related.
D) You cannot emotionally handle the information, and might freak out.
Etc….
Men are extremely weary of sharing intimate and private details, especially
the more emotionally attached to those details, they are. So, if you often
fight with your man, nag him, argue things, twist his words, misunderstand
him, or freak out when he IS honest, he obviously won’t feel too inclined to
tell you much else, or to reveal a whole lot in the future.
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The solution therefore, in this case, is to be very GENTLE, patient,
understanding, attentive, and encouraging toward your man, if you want
him to be more open and honest with you.
Until or unless you can do this, a man will always hide things from you,
and will keep things secret, to help protect his own emotional well-being.
Basically, until he feels like you can maturely handle his secrets, and
realities, he will hide them from you.
That’s why you cannot come in trying to force him, or ‘convince’ him to tell
you everything. He has to again, feel like there is a choice. That choice
must be given to him, by simply encouraging him, and making it
comfortable for him to want to share with you, in the first place.
That is the MOST that you can do, and beyond that, you must step back
and must allow him to then come to you, himself, to reveal whatever it is
that you want to know about him. He will be extremely likely after that, to
actually feel compelled to give in to your desire to know more about him,
because you would have then made it easier for him.
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The Conclusion:
The common theme with all of the 25 ‘alarming’ questions above, is this:
something is not happening the way you want it to be happening in your
relationship, so now suspicion or doubts have been raised as to whether or
not you are going to get what you want.
In those cases, there are 8 steps that you need to follow, when you find
your intuition pointing out a contradiction in what you want, versus what
you are getting, in your relationship.
Those 8 steps are as follows:
Step #1: Ask yourself: “What is it that I want?”. This is the
evaluating stage, wherein you evaluate core needs, and desires. This is
where you look to identify the things which you cannot compromise on, in
your relationship.
Here you must identify what it is, EXACTLY that you are truly looking for,
because, as an example, you might want your man to marry you, but your
TRUE desires might actually be rather different. Maybe you just want him
to prove that he is more committed to you, so that you can feel wanted,
desired, and loved.
So evaluate to see what your true core needs and wants are, in the
immediate situation when your intuition and gut instinct are whispering to
you, telling you to ask questions that press deeper into the truth.
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Step #2: Ask yourself: “What is actually happening?”. This is not
the same thing as looking into how you feel about it, but rather simply
equates to looking at the actual facts, when you take your feelings out of
the mix. It only lists the direct series of events that are taking place in your
relationship, and with your man, as they are happening.
Don’t be afraid to actually be brutally honest here, about what it is that is
actually going on, in your relationship, from your man’s end, and from your
own end. You must be able to come to terms with the actual circumstance,
even if it hurts, because that is what helps you with the next step.
Step #3: Ask yourself: “How do I feel about that?”. Once you have
evaluated what it is that you truly want, and have clearly come to terms
with what it is that is actually happening, you can now ask yourself, how it
is that you feel about the facts, in relation to what it is that you actually
want to have happen.
Can you accept what is actually happening? Are you able to allow that to
continue to happen? Do you want a change to occur? Do you need
something else to be happening?
Figure out how you feel about the situation, so that you can begin to get a
clear resolve, from your end, as to what you want, how you feel about it,
and then what you should do about it, which leads me to the next step.
Step #4: Look for remedies to the following question: “What can
be done to immediately rectify the situation, from my end?”. Now
that you know how you feel about the situation, you first have to remove
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any fault, or cause from your end, to fueling the problem to begin with, so
that the only thing left that can happen, is what you actually want to have
happen.
Assess whether your actions, behaviours, words, or intentions are helping
to fuel your actual desire, and make sure that they are not getting in the
way of what you actually want.
Consider how your actions, words, and behaviours may be affecting your
man, to see if perhaps he is being blocked from doing what you actually
want, because your behaviour is off putting, or is problematic to your man.
Likewise if your man has directly told you about some things that he’d like
you to change or do differently, for him to feel better about fulfilling his
role in the relationship, consider what he said and try to work on that,
because that’s his way of giving you the blueprint to fixing the situation as
well.
Look for ways to improve upon the things that you excel best at in your
relationship, and work on resolving any open or heavy flaws or insecurities
that you may be injecting into the relationship.
Once you have done this, you can then move on to step #5.
Step #5: Asses the following question: “Have I acted reasonably,
and done what I could?” If the answer is ‘yes’, move on to step 6. If the
answer is ‘no’, head back to step #1, and start over, until you are finally
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acting within reason, on your end, so that you cannot be blamed for being
in your man’s way of actually giving you what you want.
Step #6: Gently nudge him in the right direction, by stating the facts
clearly, then stating how you feel about that, then telling your man what
you’d like for him to do about it. This gentle nudge means that you no
longer demand that your man does what you want. You don’t nag him, or
try to pressure him into doing the right thing.
You simply lay the facts down, on the table, tell him how that is affecting
you, the relationship, and him and then ask him to make a change. You do
not get into an hour long discussion about it either, because your job in
this step is NOT to try and convince him into doing the right thing, or into
simply listening to you FINALLY. Your job is instead, to nudge him, and to
then follow the directions of step #7.
Step #7: Leave the rest up to your man. You don’t NEED him to do
the right things, and you don’t EXPECT him to do the right thing either. At
least, that’s how it should feel to your man. It doesn’t matter if you secretly
need, want, wish, or hope that he will do the right thing. You must, at this
stage, keep that deep desire to yourself, and must only let him know that
you simply WANT him to do what you asked.
This is a ‘testing phase’ where you watch to see if he will do the right
thing. You haven’t forced him to do anything, but you’ve made it clear in
step 6, that you’d like for him to do it, and have even told him why.
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You must step back to allow your man to consider what you said, so that
he feels like he has the room to make a choice. Stepping back also means
that your man will consider more clearly what you said, because now you
aren’t breathing down his neck, and aren’t trying to ‘convince’ him to do it,
but are rather allowing him the space to think about it.
He needs some time to think about HOW he could follow through with your
request as well, so give him the time to do that. It’s not your job to tell him
what to do, or to answer the question for him. That’s his job. Let him do
his job.
Step #8: Back away from the situation completely if he doesn’t do
it, but REWARD him with praise and appreciation, if he does do
what you asked. It’s important, again, not to reward your man for bad
behaviour, or to reward him for the things he didn’t do right.
If he fails to follow through with your request, you have been more than
reasonable, accommodating, patient, and beyond. He does NOT deserve
anything MORE at that stage, if he cannot even remotely try to reasonably
follow through with your request.
That’s why it’s important to back away from a man if you reach step #8,
but he simply refuses to even remotely comply. That kind of man needs to
be avoided, and contact with him must be shut down, so that he learns
that he will not be rewarded for the wrong reasons.
If, however, your man does finally listen to you, after step #7, you should
reward him, by praising him, and showing a genuine level of appreciation,
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for the progress that he has made in the relationship, and toward you. In
these instances you should more than accommodate the fact that he is
trying, and that he is changing, so that he feels welcome to do more of
that in the future as well.
Remember, once more, to listen to your intuition, and to allow it to guide
you, in the future, even in these circumstances. If something doesn’t ‘feel
right’, remember to come back to these 8 steps, and to assess your
situation, so that you can look to see what it is that you are actually after,
and can clearly point out what is happening instead of that.
Trust yourself, and your gut instinct, because it’s there to help you, and
protect you. Remember, that nobody but YOU will have your best interest
in mind, at ALL times!
