Tribute Piece

Embed Size (px)

Citation preview

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    1/23

    A Tribute

    The folded yellow sheet of paper atop Terri Robersons crowded inbox

    grabbed her attention. Plenty of assignment notes and memos from station

    managers had piled up during her week of bereavement leave, but this one

    seemed special. Her name only the first name was written across the top in

    sloppy cursive with only one r the tell-tale sign that Big Roy, the managing

    producer, had personally dropped it off. The note simply said see me ASAP. It

    was her first day back, she had no make-up on, her dishwater blond hair fell

    about her ears like old broom straws, and her wardrobe said tired, grieving

    daughter more than ambitious reporter. She looked as professional as a loose

    bag of potatoes, but she always answered to the top brass.

    The trip from the cramped, musty reporters bull pen in the basement to

    the fourth and highest floor of the network building outside Bismarck, South

    Dakota was rarely eventful. Today, however, at least ten people, most of whom

    Terri had never met, pulled her aside to offer condolences on her fathers

    passing. She politely accepted their sentiments, knowing even strangers words

    were genuine. Quite likely, none of them had met local celebrity Harold Range

    Rider Roberson, but anyone growing up anywhere close to Bismarck knew the

    name and knew his show. Countless thousands knew him that way, but to her,

    he was a father first.

    In the fourth-floor reception area, Terri accepted more sympathetic words

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    2/23

    Pressler 2

    from the middle-aged assistant at the desk who then buzzed her in to Big Roys

    office. She smiled graciously and walked in. Her face felt sore from all the

    smiling this week, and even though she was only 26 she felt wrinkles creasing

    into her cheeks.

    Big Roy Lattimer, managing producer of the fourth-largest independent

    television network in South Dakota, sat behind an oversized desk, his round

    form dwarfing the furniture. Hidden behind an opened newspaper, only a thick

    pall of cigar smoke rising toward the cracked-open window offered evidence of

    life. Once Terri walked in, the paper quickly came down and the mans jowls

    rose in a big grin.

    Well there, Terri Roberson Id guess, he said in a deep voice at a polite

    volume, Welcome back, and let me tell you I am so terribly sorry about your

    father. All my kids grew up watching your fathers show in the morning and

    just loved him to bits I tell you. Even I must admit he was kind of like my

    father too. He was family on the television for us, I must say. Sit down, sit

    down, Terri may I call you Terri?

    Yes, of course, she answered politely, settling in to a chair. Her

    reporters instincts suggested something more than a formal condolence from

    management. And thank you, I appreciate your kindness.

    Big Roy rose from his desk and stepped around to offer Terri a

    handshake, his thick hands dusty with newspaper ink. As she hesitated to

    grasp his meaty, stained palms, he noticed the dinghy appearance and quickly

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    3/23

    Pressler 3

    drew out a handkerchief, wiping away the soot before extending his hand

    again.

    Sorry there, Terri. I started here on the newspaper side, and that inks

    like baby powder for me. I forget how others dont always like getting it all over,

    especially here on the television side of things. Shaking her hand, he smiled

    with a toothy, sincere grin.

    I understand, she answered modestly. Its not a problem, really. She

    checked her hand afterward then discreetly wiped the dark grit on the back of

    her black slacks.

    Big Roy sat down in a neighboring chair that could barely hold his weight

    and turned to face Terri, leaning forward to where his leather belt creaked and

    his shirt buttons strained. Now, I wanted to tell you in person that the station

    here wants to recognize your fathers many years of dedicated service. He put

    35 years of his life into making Robersons Ranchthe single-most beloved kids

    show around these parts, and its only right that we show our gratitude in

    kind. We want to do a one-hour special dedicated to your father a tribute to

    him and his fine work.

    Terri felt a queasy excitement from the words, and her lower lip tightened

    up. Her father had passed away just over a week ago, and her emotions had

    been on constant display. Such a commemoration made her heart leap and her

    cheeks grow warm, yet her instincts still said this was more than just a heres

    what were doing, enjoy the moment get-together.

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    4/23

    Pressler 4

    Gathering up her composure and mopping away moist eyes, she spoke in

    a mostly-controlled manner. Thats a lovely idea. I know he would appreciate

    it, as do I. His fans meant so much to him. He loved their devotion.

    Hehe, well, if I had my way wed show his old episodes nonstop. They

    always cheered me up. That puppet, Elkie the Nervous Elk that one alone

    made me laugh every time he started stuttering and stammering, being worried

    about hu-hu-hunting season just never failed. All these years and I still get all

    giggly when I hear well, lets say your dad was the best, entertaining kids of

    all ages. His puppets were great, I must say. When he would aw, listen to me

    going on. Im sorry, where was I?

    Some form of tribute?

    Of course, of course! Big Roy straightened his back and adjusted his

    pants before again leaning forward. We want most of the special to be about

    his show and the whole Ranch-hand Puppet Gang, but we know that a good

    number of his fans who grew up with the show, well, theyre older now, and

    they want to know about the man himself. Thats where you come in, Terri

    may I call you Terri? Anyway, we want to do a five- or ten-minute segment of

    life before The Ranch the life of Harold Roberson before he became Range

    Rider Roberson. We want to do some on-screen interviews with you, your

    brothers and sisters

    Im an only child, she interrupted.

    Oh, well, that saves time. Is your mother still around?

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    5/23

    Pressler 5

    Terri put a smile back on. She just got back to Ohio. I can make

    arrangements

    Well send a camera crew, Roy continued. A little time with her, some

    of Harolds friends, telling some stories to get to know him. But theres

    something more for you on this.

    Aha! Her mind raced excitedly with the thought of some camera

    exposure. Id be glad to do any air-time you want.

    Hehe, he chuckled, I must say, it helps that youre more than just

    Harolds daughter. Since youre a reporter, wed like you to coordinate the

    research on this story. Our research teams tied up with the fall harvest

    approaching, and this job would be an easy day in the park for you, given hes

    your father and all. You know, yearbook pictures, a baby picture or a wedding

    shot, some bio information, that stuff. And if you do it as a story like a

    feature for print it would get you a nice byline.

    Do the research on my father? Her elation yielded to a sense of

    suspicion. That seems way too easy.

    It is! Roy threw up both hands excitedly. Its a simple way to put a lot

    of meat on your rsum. Im no fool any reporter in Bismarck worth their

    weight has eyes on moving up to the big markets Dubuque, Omaha, Topeka.

    With a little experience in research and production under the belt, those doors

    open kinda fast. So, what do you say? Roy reached back across his desk with

    an audible strain and reclaimed his cigar.

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    6/23

    Pressler 6

    Terri thought about her career ambitions and the opportunity seemed too

    good to pass. Ill do it. I can do the background work this week, and polish

    something up for next Monday.

    Hehe, theres a team player! Roy wiped off his hand and grabbed hers,

    shaking it vigorously to affirm the deal. Now, I only know a bit about his real

    life, so Ill leave the shaping of the piece up to you all in your hands. But I do

    know he was a war hero, and Id really like to see some of that in the piece

    show the Midwest how Harold was a hero to our country as well as our

    children.

    At the mention of that one subject, Terri knew why her instincts had

    been so edgy. Her father had kept Vietnam far from discussion. His black trunk

    of mementos in the basement was due for incineration after he died in

    accordance with his wishes. He had even rejected a military funeral. She

    planned to burn the trunk in a bonfire next weekend, but now it conflicted with

    her goal of career advancement. A good reporter used plenty of routes to get a

    story, but a truly inspired reporter could detach from the subject and do what

    the story required. Still, the subject was her father, and with his sudden death

    after church only eight days ago, trying to detach for a while felt like a problem.

    Well, she said hesitantly, my father really tried to leave the military in

    the past. Terri forced her fidgeting feet to stay in one place. He was about

    bringing happiness and joy to those around him. I think that time was a very

    unhappy point in his life, and maybe its best left out. He said he still had

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    7/23

    Pressler 7

    things that no man should have if I got his words right. Maybe for that section

    we could honor him with a simple little mention like he served admirably in

    Vietnam.

    Theres your angle, Terri! Roy rose to his feet faster than his legs had

    ever lifted his 300-pound body. Thats it! Show the viewers how he shook off

    that horrible war and brought something good to the kiddies here! He sat

    down again, leaning forward and resting his fingertips just on the edge of her

    knee. Now, I dont know one man who had a good time in a war, and Im sure

    your father was no exception. And I must say I dont want you thinking Im not

    showing respect for your father I loved the man though I never really knew

    him well. I want you to handle this story because you can give this the love and

    care it deserves that your father deserves. Hell, anyone could do this story,

    but no one could give it the caring touch of family. It needs to be personal, and

    it needs to express the man in all his glory. Just give the viewers a chance to

    see all of him. Show them Harold Roberson. Show them your father.

    Instincts still on edge, Terri considered the matter. The past few days

    had been all a blur of family visits, last-minute arrangements, and plenty of

    neighbors giving her more casseroles and muffin baskets than she could ever

    stuff down. All through this, she had barely taken two minutes for her own

    mourning. Perhaps this could allow her to finally express her grief. And if it

    gave her an edge into cracking into the competitive Dubuque news market then

    all the better.

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    8/23

    Pressler 8

    Ill take it, she said, placing her instincts on hold.

    The house felt painfully empty without her father. The big farm house

    was her only home. She had been born in the back room that became her

    childhood bedroom. They renovated the third-floor attic into her writing nook

    during high school, and after college she lived on the second floor as her

    fathers renter. Now as the only soul in the huge house, she walked cautiously,

    trying to leave everything the way he left it.

    Pictures of his puppets covered the walls, usually next to him wearing

    his Range Rider costume. Tall and rail-thin with a gentle smile, the puppets on

    his lap seemed more animated than he had ever been. A few of his older

    puppets sat quietly in curio cabinets, still bright and lively, unaware that

    Harold had died. The whole house felt like a three-story Harold Roberson

    museum, with her as the only patron. Everything remained pristine except for

    the piles of casserole dishes and mini-muffin baskets in the kitchen. And then

    there was the basement, which had been a restricted area all her life. She

    walked in there with plenty of reservation.

    She had already put together a nice biography childhood in Michigan,

    education, early friends, and his fascination with puppets, drawing and

    entertainment. The piece she wrote about him moving to South Dakota in the

    early Seventies, getting married and starting a family worked nicely. She even

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    9/23

    Pressler 9

    incorporated her parents divorce smoothly without controversy. These two

    pieces of his life offered the honesty Big Roy wanted, the real Harold Roberson.

    But the absence of his military life was a huge gap in the story that demanded

    attention. Now she sat under an exposed light bulb in the basement, facing a

    black trunk, ready for the task.

    Terri remembered a few occasions as a child when she snuck through

    the house in the middle of the night. Drawn by the light under the stairway

    door she would peek into the basement. On rare moments, he would be there,

    sitting in the spot she sat in now, staring at the trunk just as she was. On

    several occasions he had a bottle of scotch by his side, and once he had a

    pistol on his lap. On those nights she felt a ghostly, evil presence in the tense

    air. That feeling always sent her back to her dolls and teddy bears, crying from

    a sudden sadness.

    During her junior year in college, she put together enough courage to ask

    her father why he even kept that trunk. After dinner one night, she asked him

    why he hadnt thrown it in a lake years ago. His thin face went stoic and his

    grey eyes drifted away from her. He only said one sentence before retreating to

    his den. She remembered that sentence all through her life.

    If a man tries to destroy the past, the past destroys the man.

    Her fathers words echoed in her mind now as she gingerly tugged on the

    latch. Old tape and corrosion broke away as the hinge moved, possibly for the

    first time since it went into the basement. The latch sprung open, years of

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    10/23

    Pressler 10

    tension released, and the lid rose ever-so-slightly. Nervously guiding her hand

    to the beaten leather handle, she breathed deep and thought about what a

    great investigative reporter would do. Mustering up some courage, she pulled

    up and unleashed whatever lay inside.

    A part of her mind expected nothing less than dark apparitions and

    howling spirits to swarm out a la Raiders of the Lost Ark, so the actual sight

    was anticlimactic. A folded captains uniform caught her eyes, hat placed in the

    center. Next to it lay two American flags folded into triangles, each with a set of

    dog tags on top and bound with a black ribbon.

    Terri was no war buff, but she knew what some of these things meant.

    Black recognized a casualty, so the flags were probably those of friends he lost.

    The dog tags had the names if she needed them. She suddenly saw her father

    as a man who lost close friends in a war. That moment made things real. She

    ignored why he had the flags and not the next of kin, and dug into the trunks

    contents.

    An array of holstered pistols and sheathed knives lay underneath more

    than she thought one soldier would carry with boxes of ammo. She paused to

    thank herself for not dragging this into a bonfire, or it would have created the

    most gunfire in South Dakota since Wild Bill Hickok. Examining a knife, she

    noticed notches in the hilt. Others had similar marks, as did the handguns.

    Then she realized than her father may have probably had killed people. She

    never associated her father as someone who had taken a life, and these extra

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    11/23

    Pressler 11

    dimensions gave her a new respect for her father, the soldier. Maybe Big Roy

    had known this when he handed down this assignment. She dug further,

    feeling a renewed curiosity to discover these many new facets of her father.

    A set of velvet cases caught her eye and she popped them open, finding

    exactly what she expected. The medals still had a beautiful luster. She

    recognized the silver and bronze stars, but most of the others would require an

    internet search. The only other familiar one was easy to recognize the Purple

    Heart. Yesterday she had thought of him as only a father and the happy host of

    a childrens show, yet today he became a soldier wounded in action. She did

    not even know he ever experienced pain.

    Underneath the weapons and medals lay a bundle of photographs and a

    sealed manila envelope. The reporter in her wanted to snatch up the envelope

    immediately, but as a daughter she picked up the photos to see the man before

    he was her father.

    Looking at the top picture, it took several seconds to recognize him. The

    black-and-white pictures had excellent detail, revealing the off-center cleft in

    his chin that gave him away. She always knew her dad as just north of six feet

    tall, but this man in the photo was also broad-shouldered and easily in

    muscular excess of 200 pounds. Her earliest memories of him never included

    muscles. He had been a wiry, straw-boned man who might have touched 180

    pounds when he carried his bowling ball. The man in the picture had a hard

    jaw and strength in his face. He stood with arms over the shoulders of his

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    12/23

    Pressler 12

    shorter fellow soldiers, his presence dominating. He resembled a Hollywood

    action hero more than someone whose clothes were always one size too big.

    Her father action hero. The thought pleased her.

    The back of the picture had a caption penned in his distinct, structured

    cursive, Jake, me, Bobby and Deuce Base Camp. Others had him at

    different locations, a Buddhist temple, an old bridge or some landmark of note.

    One had him standing with a can of beer amidst waist-high stalks of

    marijuana. American beer and the best weed in Asia, said the caption. She

    squealed aloud in surprised delight at the thought of her dad getting stoned.

    That part could be left out of the news, but it would go in her scrapbook.

    Finally dragging out the envelope, she noticed it had been opened and

    resealed. Addressed to this house, the postmark from Michigan was almost

    thirty years old, with plenty of old postage stamps. The return address simply

    read Bobby.

    Terri felt as if she was twelve, sneaking into the liquor cabinet and

    silently worrying about getting caught. She nervously looked about, as if

    expecting her father to step out from the shadows and tell her to put it all

    away. After a moment, she dismissed it as only wishful thinking and opened

    the envelope, setting aside her sense of taboo.

    Reaching inside, she drew out a thick manila file marked Classified with

    a note jotted on a blank sheet of paper. It said simply, Captain, heres the

    originals. Nobody knows. Its done. Bobby.

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    13/23

    Pressler 13

    Turning about the paper as if more words lay hidden on the sheet, Terri

    rubbed her forehead from the ominous note. The context eluded her, so for now

    she assumed this was what her father referred to as the things that no man

    should have. Possession of classified documents made her father adventurous

    now, and she felt more than ever like a reporter as she broke the files seal and

    pulled out the inch-thick stack of papers.

    On top sat his enlistment photo a portrait of a handsome, fresh-faced

    young man in dress uniform. It would be a perfect lead-in picture for his

    service time, with an eager grin and a full head of black hair. He looked like a

    model. Flipping further, the next pages were a bureaucratic blur of forms and

    facts, possibly orders or assignments, many of which contained plenty of

    names and locations in Vietnamese and had a Confidential stamp in red ink

    original papers. A few sheets were even commendations listing meritorious

    service, courage under fire, personification of leadership under adverse

    circumstances, and the submissions for his medals all approved. Terris eyes

    watered in pride.

    Deep into the sheaf, the style and format shifted from cheap military

    carbon copy to bonded paper, the heading now citing a hospital in Hawaii. The

    Purple Heart situation, she thought immediately, putting simple facts together

    as any reporter would do. This was a part of his life she had never even known

    existed, and she read the pages eagerly, trying to decipher the wealth of

    military lingo and uncover more facts about her father.

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    14/23

    Pressler 14

    Terms like behind the lines infiltration, social disruption and

    demoralization and engendering fear within enemy territory littered the

    paragraphs of his recent history, concluding with extraction and relocation of

    surviving forces for rehabilitation. The last words raised her eyebrows, and she

    turned to the next page. What she saw in the black-and-white picture that

    came next chilled her to the core.

    It was her father in a hospital bed, the picture taken portrait-style like a

    case study. Now he carried the thin features of the father she grew up with, but

    his gaunt face carried an unexplainable malevolence. His slight smile cut into

    his cheeks with wicked curves, turning an easy-going grin into a lopsided

    sneer. Once-short hair had grown wild, gray shocks cutting haphazardly

    through the black morass that fell over his ears. And his eyes, usually so

    soulful and caring, had sunk back behind heavy eyelids. Combined with thick

    eyebrows and a slight forward lean, the shadows turned his eyes black, without

    reflection or spark. He looked sinister, almost evil.

    That cant be him, she said aloud. Flipping over the picture, she gasped

    upon seeing his name written on the back.

    Digging into the pages, medical terms swarmed through her head.

    Phrases like psychosis, homicidal mania and extreme detachment disorder

    leapt at her, capturing her attention and forcing her to turn the page only to be

    struck by more disturbing notes. She only found sanctuary upon coming

    across hand-written pages secured into the file and in her fathers

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    15/23

    Pressler 15

    penmanship. His caricatures and playful doodles filled the margins, offering

    much-needed refuge from the medical psychobabble that confused her so. She

    read into his notes in hopes of feeling the warm hug that was his voice and

    wisdom. Each entry showed another facet of the man her father had become,

    and a part of her fond memories died with each passage.

    Villagers didnt scare much when we snuck in at night and ripped apart a

    few old men it didnt really shake things up like we wanted. When we really

    turned up the heat though, and one morning those gooks found a pile of their

    women hacked up in the center on the road, some real fear set in.

    Her eyes could not leave the page. She read the entry again looking for

    words she had misread or interpreted wrong, but no other explanation leapt off

    the sheet. The words only grew more bitter as she continued.

    I cant stand anyone calling them gooks even human,a further entry

    said. They sure dont scream like humans. Knife them in their gut and they

    squeal this high whine like a damn pig. Leave one skinned up and dying out in a

    field, and it just whimpers like a dog. Whatever the hell they are, human aint it.

    The penmanship showed skill and control, not the frenzied scrawling of a

    madman, yet these inhuman thoughts lay on the page before her, written by

    someone she knew as the most humane person on Earth.

    All the scaring and demoralization of these native fucks cant win the

    damn war. We should start a fire in Saigon and push those flames clear to Hanoi.

    Burn every animal alive, every pathetic dog, cat, warthog, tree and bush! Put

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    16/23

    Pressler 16

    every damn slant-eye into the fire!

    Terri felt a level of disgust she had never known, and could not believe

    she directed it at her father. Her mind wanted sorely to think this was a bad

    dream or a twisted prank some file of military misinformation in her hands.

    Yet here it was, as true and honest as anything she knew. The handwriting was

    her fathers. The caricatures in the margins and on the bottom of the pages

    were his style. But then she looked closer at the cartoons and her hands

    started shaking.

    Each little face or inked scene displayed some unspeakable perversion.

    Two soldiers roasted marshmallows over a burning person. Disemboweled

    people with exaggerated Asian features hung by their necks off the loops in

    his js and gs. When she saw the penned-in character of her father sitting in a

    chair, happily talking with two mutilated bodies on his lap held like puppets,

    Terri suddenly threw up.

    This task had become torture. The file in her hand was a book she did

    not want to read, a movie she wanted to walk out on. Her father, the mild-

    mannered Range Rider Roberson from Robersons Ranch, had in one night

    changed into the heroic John Rambo from First Blood, and then into Colonel

    Kurtz from Apocalypse Now. And yet she knew that somehow her father had

    moved beyond some self-destructive destiny. Somewhere lay a happy ending to

    this story, and her inner journalist would see it through.

    Picking up the file and brushing off stray drops of vomit, she went to the

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    17/23

    Pressler 17

    end. His general discharge papers offered little hint, but just before them lay a

    final copy of hospital notes, and one sheet on hospital letterhead with her

    fathers writing. There were no cartoons, just sentences written like prose, and

    she ventured carefully into the words.

    Instead of her Monday morning routine of searching the news wire, Terri spun

    a quarter on top of her desk, the computer monitor already switched to the

    screen saver, her coffee untouched for the past twenty minutes. A bankers box

    sat by her feet, her few personal effects and some stolen office supplies neatly

    stashed away. She had thoroughly prepared for the inevitable.

    Over the last few days she had digested what she could of her fathers

    records and wrote the only story that felt right. The news anchors had

    interviewed her on camera for their own pieces, and she put forth a noble smile

    while answering their questions. She offered an anecdote here, an old saying

    there, but felt like a stand-in actress playing Harold Robersons daughter. Her

    smile was a veneer, her happiness a faade covering what she truly felt a

    numbing emptiness. Hopefully someone in editing could make her seem

    believable.

    Last night she stayed up until midnight putting together the last pieces

    of her submission and resisting the urge to break into the scotch or start

    smoking again. The piece ran for four-thousand words, give or take, from his

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    18/23

    Pressler 18

    birth forward, and she saved it just after midnight. She fell to sleep at her little

    desk in the third-floor attic, knowing it was her best work ever.

    And she knew Big Roy would hate it.

    She spun her quarter again on the desk, glancing at the clock as the coin

    spun about. It was 8:20 in the morning, so the story her copy, brief notes and

    her fathers enlistment photo had been in Roys hands for twenty minutes at

    most. She had dropped off the story prior to Roys eight-oclock arrival, made a

    photocopy, went to her desk, packed her things then spun the coin while

    waiting for his response and her inevitable dismissal. On her 43rd spin of the

    quarter, her phone rang. It was Roys assistant, calling her up to his office.

    With the quiet acceptance of the condemned, she went to the elevator and her

    fate.

    Roys assistant silently gestured Terri toward the office door and she

    walked in, not bothering to knock. Big Roy paced about in front of his desk

    with the most animated steps she had ever seen. One hand held her copy in

    front of his face, the other scrubbing over his scalp in either frustration or

    anger. As she answered, his response was immediate.

    Now Terri may I call you Terri? he asked as a formality, I thought we

    had ourselves a little sit-down here and you were gonna hand me a good story

    with a goddamn hero in it! Wheres my goddamn hero?

    So Im fired? Her voice matched her tired, sagging eyelids and hang-dog

    expression.

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    19/23

    Pressler 19

    Fired? Why the fu just sit down for a moment here, he ordered,

    waving her to the same chair she used just last week. She sat down, quietly

    awaiting his next outburst.

    Now, this is good work good work I must say, but I cant let you gloss

    over big parts with just a little sentence like He riffled through the copy,

    searching for the particular section that infuriated him so. Yeah! Right here!

    Like saying, he served admirably in Vietnam. I cant let you get away with

    that! Where did he serve? What unit? Did he earn a medal? Give me something

    I can use!

    Terri let out a deep, exasperated sigh, too tired to fight though aware of a

    brewing anger. I think it works fine. Its brief, to the point, and says everything

    the viewers need to know.

    This show isnt some need-to-know piece, Roy fumed. Were trying to

    tell his fans all about the man things theyd want to know about their own

    kinfolk!

    Maybe Dad didnt want them to know about things, she replied,

    keeping herself contained. Hes still entitled to a few secrets.

    Theyre his fans, theyll love him no matter what you say!

    No, they wont, she exploded. I was his biggest fan, and Im not sure

    how I feel about him now! My own father! You wanna know what I found out?

    Do you want to know?

    Roy stammered for a second, so Terri rolled over his attempt to talk. I

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    20/23

    Pressler 20

    found a man who was as honorable and outgoing as anyone youd want to

    meet, and he got thrown into a place no man should be! I found a man who got

    consumed by everything our society abhors! I found out that my father the

    man who I saw as an upstanding model for everyone around him was the

    shattered fragments of someone else entirely! He was just wreckage!

    Big Roy shrank back to his own chair, fearing the woman who didnt

    quite stand up to his nose. Listen there, Terri may, may I call you

    She stood up, drawing a photocopy from her pocket and waving it in his

    face. Let me tell you the last thing he wrote in the service! This is everything

    he thought about his time over there! She unfolded the copy and read the

    oratory aloud, trying to keep her voice down and remembering to breathe.

    I think of my last six months in country, and it feels like someone else has

    possessed my body. I had a dream the other night and many nights prior that I

    existed within the body of a madman. This horrible person did unspeakable

    things, and I could not control him but only watch his terrible actions. I could

    neither turn away from the carnage nor wake up from this terror. As much as it

    frightened me though, I recognized that the dream was not a nightmarish

    convulsion, but memories that I both desire to forget and insist on keeping forever

    in my mind.

    The conclusion I have come to from these dreams that I can no longer call

    nightmares is that when I experience them, I am not the madman. I am also not

    the terrified witness. I am the dream itself the embodiment of that world. I am

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    21/23

    Pressler 21

    both the torturer and the persecuted, I am the rage and the fear, the hunter and

    the prey. For all the evil I am capable of and have committed, I hope I am equally

    able to offer in compassion and humility. I have lived in one extreme and

    returned, and while I hope to never know that world again, I have to accept that it

    always exists within me, and it is in my capacity to travel there if I do not keep

    myself in check.

    There is nothing I can do to change the past it is tragically, indelibly

    etched into the universe. I can only hope that in this, my final testimony as a

    soldier, lies some evidence that I can be a better man in the future. If I never

    reach that state, then let it be said that I tried, and I pray mercifully for the fires of

    hell to consume me quickly so my suffering can be over. Captain Harold

    Roberson

    Her breath totally spent, she collapsed into an exhausted heap in the

    chair, head in hands, too drained to cry. Silence filled the room, the only sound

    the low creak of the floor panels underneath Big Roys feet. She felt so worn out

    that even if Roy were to suddenly plunge through the floor and down to

    accounts receivable, she had no strength to jump back in panic.

    Terri, Roy finally said, not going through his redundant formalities,

    maybe it wasnt my best idea to dump all this on your shoulders. Im not

    saying you couldnt do the job hell, you did some fine work with all kinds of

    good writing but sometimes people arent meant to know too much about

    their heroes. I must say I do feel horrible that you found out things you didnt

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    22/23

    Pressler 22

    need to know about your father. I know I cant change any of that, but maybe

    its best we run your write-up just the way it is. Terri nodded silently, still

    devoid of energy. And I must say, he added, holding up Harolds enlistment

    photo, your father was a handsome young man.

    Yes, he was back then, Terri answered, not yet looking directly at Roy.

    But I think Ill just remember him with about fifty less pounds, a little less

    hair and a lot more compassion. He never wanted me to know who he was

    before I was born, and I think Im going to respect that. You can keep the photo

    if you want.

    Roy looked at the picture, tapped it a couple of times against the copy in

    his hands, and smiled. Walking softly past Terri, he placed a gentle hand

    against her shoulder and patted it once. Stay there as long as you need, Terri.

    Youve earned it. He went around to his desk, keeping quiet about the gritty

    smudge now on the shoulder of her blouse.

    Before too long, the network ran its one-hour special tribute: Harold Roberson:

    Life on the Range featuring Range Rider Roberson and the Ranch-hand

    Puppet Gang. In the local market ratings it was a smash success, and other

    networks throughout the Dakota region called for rebroadcast rights

    immediately after it aired. Network executives decided to show it periodically,

    probably around Thanksgiving, to recognize how Harold Range Rider

    Roberson had shaped the youth of the area into fine citizens. The network

  • 8/3/2019 Tribute Piece

    23/23

    Pressler 23

    recognized him as a hero, and wanted to honor him accordingly. And as the

    credits rolled after every broadcast, one part toward the end said, Research

    Coordinator: Terri Roberson.

    The only thing that the fans ever found out about Harold Robersons

    military life was that he served admirably in Vietnam. That was everything

    they needed to know, and nobody ever complained.