Tribecasixgtpresent

JACOB AVINU SPOTTING LEAVING B’EER SHEVAMr. Avinu seen heading in the direction of CharanNews reports out of B’eer Sheva are that Jacob Avinu left in a hurry after running from his brother Eisav.

Local sources report that Jacob fled Canaan several weeks ago after an encounter between Jacob’s brother Esau and their father Isaac Avinu, in which the senior Avinu apparently advised Eisav that he gave his blessing intended for Eisav to Jacob after Jacob came to him in ‘trickery.’

Jacob Avinu is expected to arrive at his uncle Laban’s house next week where he is hoping to spend several days. “It will be a much needed rest” Jacob told AP. “I am not a walker, like my brother Eisav. All of this travelling is really too much for a guy like me, I am used to sitting in tents studying all day. I could really use the respite”

THE GENESIS TIMESwww.dailynews.com THE MIDDLE EAST’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since Creation

Jacob and his twin brother Esau on father Isaac’s lap in better days

(c) Copyright by Meyer Muschel 2015

NEWSFOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND

Jacob: Call Home!

AN IMPRESSIVEEXITBy Austin Smith

People throughout B’eer Sheva are talking about the loss experienced by the community after Jacob Avinu departed from the town on Wednesday.

“Its crazy” said Ben Sher. “There’s this void. People feel like it’s a totally different place with Mr. Avinu’s departure.

Tucker Smith lamented Jacob’s departure. “They say that when righteous people leave a town, everybody feels it. I guess Jacob Avinu was a really special person because we miss him so much.

Rebecca Avinu, wife of Isaac Avinu and mother of Jacob Avinu is desperately trying to learn what she can about her son Jacob’s whereabouts and whether he is ok after he left in a hurry.

Jacob ran for his life after he ‘stole’ his brother Eisav’s blessing from father Isaac and Esau threatened to kill him. Anybody with any information on the whereabouts of Jacob Avinu is asked to call (972) 33-RIVKA

Friday Cheshvan 25, 2000

Jacob’s footprints were spotted by several community members just hours after he departed

Just hours after Jacob Avinu left the City of Be’er Sheva, a walker on the beach reported finding footsteps on the beach which police officers later traced to Jacob Abinu. Local law enforcement officials confirmed that they were Jacob’s footprints by comparing the size of a shoe of his twin brother Eisav with the size of the footprints on the beach.

Page Two


NEWSReflections on a Rainbow

The Ark has landed

The SCIENCE CORNERBy Keo Clarkson

Following the experience with the rainbow 3 weeks ago, people all over the Coast are asking about the scientific qualities of the rainbow and why G-d might have chosen a rainbow as his means to express himself and warn the people of the world

about his wrath.

“Its basic science,” said Dr. Clarkson. “Rainbows are light hitting rain drops and water braking the light and making a color display. Rainbows are really nothing more than a reflection. G-d causes us to “reflect”(get it?) on the science and the religion come together. We need to reflect on who we are and what we are doing!

Hikers on Mount Ararat on Sunday discovered a boat looking object. “The thing was HUGE! It had three floors in it. And boy did it stink of animals when we got there!” said one of the hikers who didn’t want to be identified. Others in the community are wondering whether the object is the same one that was reportedly seen last week with longs lines of animals coming off of it in twos, followed by birds and all kinds of exotic beings. [In actuality, all people writing this article and reading it were actually on the ARK because there is nobody else on earth but don’t tell anyone!]


Page Three


NEWSJacob son of Isaac Avinu and Leah Daughter of Laban Married Last Evening

RUNAWAYNews out of Canaan this morning is that Abraham Avinu was missing from his bed when Dad Terach went to check up on him. “All of his stuff is gone” said Terach. “I have no idea what happened.” Terach was called in for questioning after an hour long search. So far, no foul play is suspected.


Page Four

After seven years of anticipation, Jacob the son of Isaac Avinu was married last night to Leah the Daughter of Laban in the Town Square. Until the wedding, the Bride has resided in the home of her parents in Charan. The Bridegroom, an immigrant from Cna’an, is an employed with the firm of Sheep, Cattle LLC where he is an associated. The bridegroom’s father, Isaac Avinu, was also a shepherd. The Bridgegroom’s grandfather was the famous Abraham Avinu.

Just 2 shirts and a couple of pairs of shoes remain after Abraham Abinu disappeared from his room

17 year old Apparently Killed in Animal Attack

Joseph Israel, a teenager from Canaan was apparently killed yesterday after an attack by a wild animal, Although there were no known witnesses to the attack and the victim has not been found, a bloodied coat was recovered at the scene after a search by the victim’s brothers. Jacob Avinu confirmed that the bloodied coat belonged to his son. “I made him that coat as a special gift” said Jacob. Neighbors described Joseph as a bit aloof but otherwise a good kid. “Its really a tragedy” said a neighbor who preferred not to be named. “His father just cant accept it and keeps saying that the whole thing is a mistake and Joseph will still turn up alive”.


FEATURETHE ADVICE COLUMNBy Ben Sher


Page Five

Ask Dr. Ben

Have an etiquette question? Write Dr. Ben,. c/o the Genesis Times1 Creation Way, Gan Eden, NY 10613

Dear Dr. Ben,

I am told that it is not polite to look out the window when waiting for guests and that I should never run or move quickly in the presence of my guests. I really want to know the best way to greet and treat guests. Any advice?

Signed,

Itching to Do Right

Dr. Ben responds:

Dear Itching to Do Right,

Of course its good to look out the window. That will help you know when your guests are coming and if there are people outside in need of food and shelter. Remember when Abraham would look out of the tent for guests

who needed food and water?

As for running when in the presence of guests, its usually impolite to run but when you want to greet them to say “hello” or get them food its acceptable. Again, that is exactly what Abraham did. He asked his wife to quickly get his guests food and then he ‘ran’ to get them food. Remember, also that when your guests leave its important to say a proper goodbye. Definitely walk them to the elevator or the stairs or the edge of the driveway as Abraham escorted his guests. If you want more information, please visit your Jewish library (if you have one) and read the stories of the Bible. They can teach anything including manners.

Signed,Dr. Ben

RECIPE FOR JEWISH HOSPITALITY

From the Abraham and Sara Guide to Hospitality

3 soules whole flour3 cups water3 lbs whole beef

Wait outside in search of those in need. Heat of day not an issue.

Invite guests in. No matter what they ask for, give them more then expected. Always move quickly.

QUICKLY mix water and flour in large mixing bowl to make 3 matzos, 1 per guest. Allow to sit in stone oven at 3500 for 15 minutes.

RUN to get them finest meat and engage other family members in process.

Make sure guests have rested in shady area and feet are washed. After guests are finished eating and are fully rested, escort them to door.


GOSSIPFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000

Page Six

HEARD ON THE STREET…Rumor has it that Jacob Avinu stole the identity of his brother Esav so that he could get his father’s blessing that was supposed to go to his brother. Jacob is supposedly now running for his life and is headed toward his Uncle Laban’s house….Lets hope he’s got an armed guard….

Others claim that Jacob Avinu is not on the run anymore but has already arrived at the home of his uncle Laban where he is working very hard. Sources claim that he has already been working for seven long years, and is already married to Laban’s older daughter, Leah. He is now supposedly going to be working another seven whole years for the beautiful younger Rachel.(Serves him right for stealing from his brother’s blessing!)

We hear that… Abraham Avinu was seen leaving his home this morning with his son Isaac and he was holding knives. Isaac was carrying bundles of wood. People are concerned about what Abraham’s intentions are especially since when approached, Abraham shot down reporters saying he’s doing “Gds work”. People are speculating that Abraham may cause harm to his son…Lets hope everything is OK.

Abraham spotted with Isaac. Where are they headed?Was this Jacob Avinu seen on the run this morning?


OBITUARIESFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000

Page Seven

Sara Imeinu, Matriarch, 127

Funeral services were held yesterday in the Cave of Machpelah in Hebron for Sara Imeinu, a well known matriarch in the Canaan community, who passed away last evening after suffering an apparent heart attack. She was 127.

Ms Ameinu apparently died after falling ill earlier in the day. Speculation has arisen that Mrs.Imeinu might have become stricken after becoming distraught upon learning that her husband might have taken their only son Isaac to be slaughtered. Her body was discovered by her husband upon his return from a trip..

Mrs. Imeinu was known in the community as the quintessential homemaker and hostess. She was especially famous for her challah bread, her cakes, the openness of her home and her elegance.

Internationally, Mrs. Imeinu was well known for establishing, together with her husband Abraham, many Torah institutions throughout the Middle East, bringing countless families closer to their religious roots..

Mrs. Imeinu was the subject of a lot of media attention 37 years ago when she gave birth to her first and only son Isaac at the age of 90..

She is survived by her husband Abraham and her one son, Isaac, a 40 year old bachelor.

In lieu of flowers donations can be made to the Machpelah Fund in Hevron.

Funeral Services for Sarah Aminu in Hebron yesterday


SCIENCEFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000

Page Eight

Keo Answers:

Dear Curiously Confused,

Don’t worry. Scientifically, the world is about 6.3 billion years, biblically its 5,775 years old. While this may seem like a contradiction, its possible that on the day world was created it was already 6.3 billion years old minus 5,775 years. (Just like when Adam was created, he wasn’t created a newborn but as an adult - after all, if he was a baby, who gave him milk?).

With days too, we tend to think of ‘days’ as 24 hours. But a day can sometimes be 24.1 or even 25 hours. It matters on what part of the world you are in because a “day” is determined by sunrise and sunset. In Antartica, the sun doesn’t set for five months, so technically, a ‘day’ could be as long as six months.

We don’t know how long a ‘day’ lasted in the time of the bible but its possible a ‘day’ could have been even millions of years during summer.

As for dinosaurs, when the world was created, it might have had a history that included dinosaurs, but from the first day of creation forward, there really were no dinosaurs. Its also possible that the reptiles in the bible, leviathans, are dinosaurs.

Finally, some scienitsts suggest that there was a prior world with dinosaurs and the biblical world is a new one that was reset. But that. Is not a traditional view since the bible refers to the “Beginning” apparently the beginning of EVERYTHING.

Keo’s Corner By Keo Clarkson

Reconciling the Bible andScience

Whats in a Day?Dear Keo:

I’ve been studying Genesis and have a few questions.

How old is the world? And how long was each ‘day’ during the days of creation? Finally, were there really dinosaurs? Why aren’t they

mentioned in the bible?

Signed, Curiously confused….

ADVERTiSEMNT

Buy the latest book by Keo Clarkson,,,

Dinosaurs and the Bible

Available at all major bookstores.


RELIGIONThe Rabbi’s TableBy Rabbi Austin (Avraham) Smith


Page Nine

Religion: Message from the Rabbi

This time of year people are asking me why we read the story on Yom Kippur that includes the sacrificing of a goat, and the sending of another identical goat to the desert. For those who still ponder, I have some answers for all you out there. The first goat we transfer our sins to and send out to the desert, the second goat is what we use to ask God for forgiveness.

But why goats? Many people who have studied the Torah say that a goat’s blood is similar human blood and we are repenting for our “blood”. Also, the goat’s name in Hebrew “izim” also symbolizes audacity, for which we are repenting.

Another explanation is that Yom Kippur is for the forgiving of sins between man and man and the worst sin of man against man was when Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery. They used a goats’ blood to cover their sin’s tracks, and now we ask Gd to forgive us for that terrible sin.


The Daily review By Tucker SmithThe movie isGENESIS: FAMILY AND FAITH

Faith. Running. Family. Genesis is a tear breaking story about a family that started off many generations ago. It starts off in early Israel when the young couple Isaac and Rebecca give birth to the children of two nations, Esau and Jacob. All starts well till Jacob runs away from his family with his father’s blessing. Reminds me of when I had set off for college, my mother and father crying with joy(either happy to know I’m set to lead my life or just glad I’m out of the house). Also later on in the movie I thought the most happy part was when Joseph, son of Jacob had revealed his identity to his 10 brothers who had believed that Joseph was dead. Later, the family rejoiced and moved to Egypt and when all was well until… BAM! PLOT TWIST! Egypt takes the Jews as slaves! But G-D had fixed that by cursing Egypt for 7 days and eventfully convinced the Pharaoh to set the Jews free, but they had to go immediately. This day was known as Passover, the best happy ending I’ve ever seen.

In the end I’ll rate the movie 5 out of 6 Jewish stars because sadly there are some pretty inappropriate parts. I recommend this movie for adults and young adults from 10+. And that’s the daily review, see you next week!

5 out of 6 Jewish stars

Family and Faith

MOVIESFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000

Page Ten


CROSSWORDFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000

Page Eleven

Answers on page 14

1 2. 3. 4. 5.

6 7 8 9

10 11

12 13 14 15 16 17

18 19 20

21 22


THE FUNNIESFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000

Page Twelve


1. Lot was Sarah’s __________ , Abraham’s ___________________ and Isaac’s _______________2. Leah was Laban’s _________________, Rachel’s __________ and Joseph and Benjamin’s ____________3. Eisav was Jacob’s ___________ and Isaac’s ______________________4. Laban was Rivka’s ____________________ and Betuel’s _____________________5. ________________ was both Jacob’s father-in law and his mother Rivka’s ______________.6. ________’s wife was Rivkah and her father _________ was also Isaac’s first cousin, ie. Isaac’s father’s brother’s ______________.7. Sarah was not only ______________ wife but also his brother _________’s daughter. 8. Ishmael was Isaac’s _____________________9. Reuven was _____________ oldest son.10.____________________ was Joseph’s younger full brother and ___________’s and ______________’s youngest child. Answers on page 14

Roots and RelativesTerach

HaranLot Sarah

Isaac

AbrahamNachor

Betuel

Rivkah

Eisav Jacob

Laban

Leah

ReuvenShimonLeviYehuda

Yisachar

Dan

ZevulunGad

AsherNaftali

Rachel

JosephBenjamin

Hagar

Ishmael

Friday Cheshvan 25, 2000Page Thirteen


ANSWERSFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000

Page Fourteen

TW INS

MATZAH

EIGHT E G Y P

L I JJ A C O B H

R A N B O W UNNI S H ENG

M AACHPEL A C E AH E V O

THIR TTEEN

AB IRAHAM

PH PARAOH

A R K NGEL

RACHEL

LOT H R E

C H R A

E I S V

J O S E P A R I S A A C H

ANSWERS TO “ALL IN THE FAMILY”

ANSWERS TO “ALL IN THE FAMILY”

1. brother, brother-in-law, uncle

2. Daughter, sister, aunt

3. Twin brother, son

4. Brother, son

5. Laban, brother

6. Issac, Betuel. Nachor, son

7. Abraham’s, Haran’s, niece.

8. Half-brother

9. Leah and Yaakov’s

10. Benjamin Yaakov and Rachel’s

ANSWERS TO CROSSWORD


ADVERTISEMENTSFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000

Page Fifteen

ABRAHAM’S KITCHEN“The Tent For All”

Great Falafel and Sparkling Holy WaterOpen 24 Hours a Day

Guests welcome all the time!Closed SaturdaysShomer Shabbat

Introducing Noah’s Ark by Boomerang

A miniature plastic ark that floats in your bathtub…..

Warning: small parts..only to be used by 3+

Magical Multiplying Rock Cereal and Toy in One

A new cereal product developed by Kellogs with DreamNight Toys.

Put the rock in milk – it multiplies into a delicious cereal.

Put the cereal m under your pillow – they become one rock.

Available at Angel’s ladder

Government of Egypt Positions Available.

Pharaoh seeks Dream interpreter and new minister of baking (Don’t ask what happened to the last one. He had an “accident”.


ABOUT OUR STAFFFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000

Page Sixteen

Keo Clarkson, the staff scientist is, in real life, a student. When he is not writing on science, he is driving his motorized Krazy Kart around lower Manhattan.

Jack Pilson, our genealogist, and classified editor, lives in Brooklyn. When he is not working on this paper, he enjoys reading books on philosophy.

Ben Sher, our advice columnist and gossip editor is a hard core gamer. He has three siblings and will provide no more personal information. He loves the creative side of life

Austin Smith, serves as Rabbinical advisor to the Genesis Times writing columns on the Bible. He loves the circus and fighting with his twin brother, Tucker.

Tucker Smith is the better of the two Smiths – just ask him. He is an excellent movie critic, and when he is not a movie critic, he is an honors student who engages in much community service.

Meyer Muschel is their teacher.


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