Trauma in the eyes of a child

Prepared byTine Lee (Ed.D in process)

Full Life Counseling & Training Centre Inctinelee@yahoo.com 09228407910

Venue: Navigators Bldg, #13 Denver, CubaoOctober 3, 2009

Why is it working with children doesn’t naturally come easy?

•Children seem to have a world of their own. •They seem to have their own language.•They do have a mind of their own. They have feelings too. But entirely different from adults.

Common Myths about Children in Crisis

Source: Jorgensen ,1990, pp.30-32.

Fact: It takes time for children to respond positively especially if trauma is severe; view people as dangerous.

Myth #1: Children will respond immediately and openly to kindness, love and good intentions.

Myth #2: Children will appreciate the efforts of those who help them.

Fact: They cannot appreciate any help until they can feel appreciated & loved; Will trust only when people are dependable.

Myth #3: Most adults picture childhood only as a time of fun and happiness, conveying that children have few serious crises.

Fact: They are most vulnerable to stress, abuse, neglect, violence, threat, and abandonment; play is not always fun.

Myth #4: Children’s inability to share their inner world with adults is often interpreted as not trusting the adults in their lives.

Fact: They lack the capacity to verbalize their feelings and experiences.

Myth #5: Children are unaware of the crises around them therefore intervention is not necessary.

Fact: they are attuned to their environment; highly intuitive; pick up non-verbal cues

Understanding the Experience of Trauma for a Child

Source: Monahon,1993. Children and trauma: A guide for parents and professionals.

The child’s perception of a traumatic event (not the cause of the event) will help us determine how the child is being affected (Nat’l Child Traumatic Stress Network, 2004).

1. The child’s encounter with helplessness, sense of terror can create memorable emotional pain, confusion, and behavioral disruption.

2. The experience of a trauma is forcefully imprinted on a child’s memory that they struggle with lingering thoughts, feelings, and visual images of a trauma long after the event is over and their safety has been assured.

3. These memories and feelings intrude in children’s daily lives in alarming and disruptive ways.

4. Children experience dread that the trauma will recur. The child’s play efforts to control and master events over which she felt helpless are often unsuccessful, leaving her anxious and unrelieved.

5. Trauma causes psychological wounds. Healing from the wounds requires time and depends heavily on the understanding, support, and protection provided by primary caretakers.

Children think, feel and cope differently from adults

Source: Ornum & Mordock, 1990. Crisis counseling with children and adolescent.

Children and adults alike experience shock during a crisisAdults (presumably healthy ones) possess a variety of coping mechanisms

Children lack the variety of coping mechanisms due to their limited life’s experiences.

Sense of self and purpose are temporarily shakenAdults feel helpless. The adult can at least wrestle with the question “why did this have to happen to me?” or “why do I have to suffer?”.

Children feel helpless. But the child’s mind is not well developed enough to process such painful thoughts;

Adults may cope by going back to their well-established patterns and routines (e.g. work, house chores)

Children however fall back on chaos – they lose their sense of self.

Both relive their fearsAdults can daydream about their past life and create some future hope for a new beginning.

Talking increases the child’s anxiety and makes him/her restless; so the child refuses to talk.

Adults may seek out friends for advice, comfort and support but children don’t realize that such opportunities exist.

Children lack this creative fantasy and the verbal skills to communicate their fears.

Basic Guidelines in working with traumatized children

1.Don’t be afraid to talk about the traumatic event

•Children are highly intuitive; they could pick up cues that something is wrong•When a child asks grab the opportunity to discuss the event •Children need to know what’s happening in their world, so they will not be left to their own wrong conclusion •Allowing children to talk about it helps in their recovery

2. Provide a consistent, predictable pattern of the day

•Children need stability•Structure the day’s activity•Inform the child beforehand of changes •It frightens traumatized children to sense that their parents/caregivers are themselves confused, disorganized or anxious.

3. Be nurturing, comforting & affectionate but be sure it is done appropriately

•Touch can be confusing for traumatized children (victims of physical or sexual abuse)•A good working principle: be physically affectionate when a child seeks it•Respect the child’s space and distance

4. Discuss your expectations for behavior and your style of discipline with the child

•Rules and consequences should be clear, simple and age-appropriate•Both adult and child understand beforehand the specific consequences for compliant and non-compliant behaviors•Be consistent in enforcing rules•Be flexible in consequences to illustrate reason and understanding•Avoid physical discipline (particularly for victims of physical abuse in residential centers)

5. Talk with the childProvide age-appropriate informationEncourage ask questions; cue you how to give information.Unpredictability and the unknown will make traumatized children more anxious and fearful. The child fears and fantasies are more frightening and disturbing than the truth. Tell the truth even if it is emotionally difficult.help distinguish between fantasy and reality. Without factual information children tend to speculate and make up a complete story or explanation in order to make sense of what happen.Be open and honest with them. It’s ok to tell the child if you don’t know the answer. This will promote trust in the child. Try to provide simple and straightforward answers to their questions.

6. Watch closely for signs of re-enactments (e.g. in play, drawings, behaviors), avoidance (e.g. being withdrawn, daydreaming, avoiding other children) and physiological hyperactivity (e.g. anxiety, sleep problems, behavioral impulsivity)

•All traumatized children exhibits some of these behaviors•Many exhibit delayed symptoms. When a child misbehaves look for the underlying reason beneath the behavior. Clue: Watch out for sudden change in behavior.•Reflect: Problem child or a child with a problem•Record the behaviors and emotions you observe. Consult

expert’s opinion.•Be patient of the child. Avoid discipline like spanking if the

misbehavior has a direct link with a traumatic event.

7. Protect the child•Stop at once any activity that are upsetting or re-traumatizing for the child•Avoid places, objects, situations or exposure to certain activities if you observe increased symptoms in a child.•Try to restructure or limit these activities to avoid re-traumatization.

8. Give the child choices and some sense of control•Provide safety by giving a child a sense of control (command vs. suggestion). •A child feels safer and comfortable when allowed some choice in their interaction with adult. •When a child is having difficulty with compliance provide alternatives tell the child “you have a choice to do what I’ve asked or you can choose to…”

9. Ask for help or ask for referrals

•Knowledge is power. The more you are informed the more you are able to understand the child and better provide them support, nurturing, love and guidance.•Take advantage of resources available •Refer the child when it is beyond your capacity to help.

When a child asks???Questions

Source: George F. Handzo, 1987. Talking about faith with children.

•To be a child means to ask questions. This reflects children’s quest for knowledge, information and facts.

•Questions are also design to see if it is safe to express feelings, a way of exploring if their feelings are “stupid” or if their concerns are legitimate

•Children ask questions in order to trust adult or sometimes they may deliberately misspell a word for instance to see your reaction.

•Keep in mind that any question children ask may convey a hidden message or just out of curiosity. It may be a veiled cry for help, may suggest an area of difficulty for the child or a test of your reactions if they wish to confide in you.

•Try to answer both the emotional and factual content. If unsure, always ask the child what he/she meant, or what prompts him/her asked or where did he/she get the idea?

Telling a child about death•Talk with a child as soon as possible

•Be straightforward and direct to the point.

•Remember that children take things literally and concretely. Avoid clichés like the person has “gone to sleep” or “on a long journey”, has “passed away”, has “been taken away by God”.

•Do not just say that someone was sick. Reassure the child that many people become sick but only those who are very, very ill may die.

•Listen to the child’s questions and concerns. Be sure you understand what the child is telling you and what it means.

•Let your answers be simple and to the point. Stop when you have answered the child’s question.

Contact Information

Tine Lee09228497910

Lisa Manuncia09228222387

Office Address: Full Life Counseling & Training Centre Inc Unit 310 Alforque Bldg 935 A Aurora Blvd, Cubao email: full.life.counseling.gmail.com