transitionsT H E N E W S L E T T E R O F FA L L 2 0 1 8

T H E N E W S L E T T E R O F

A River of Humanity

I’ve never wanted a job as fervently as I wanted this one! I did a social work practicum at Hospice in 2002

and was hired as a casual counsellor in January 2004. In the fall of 2004, I started working as the Unit Counsellor and have been in this role ever since.

The unit is all about supporting patients, families and the team. A big part of my work is listening to the stories from people’s lives—I often get to hear about how a couple met, what’s kept them in love over years or decades

—and I witness many examples of strength, resilience and grace.

I also appreciate the unit because it gives me the opportunity to work deep within an interdisciplinary team of nurses, volunteers, doctors, unit clerks, food and housekeeping staff and the “fourth floor” team of administrators. I learn from and am inspired by my colleagues.

Just as there are patients and families who amaze me with their strength and resilience, there are also patients who come to us with traumas and wounds. We often hear stories of suffering, abuse and cruelty. For some of our patients, this might be one of the first times that they feel cared for, respected and loved. This challenge is connected to what I love about

working at Hospice: I am grateful that we have the resources and capacity to care for deeply vulnerable patients and families.

Generally, people are on our unit for days or short weeks. Once in a while, patients need to stay longer because their care is too complex for home or residential care. It is very powerful when, as a team, we agree to care for a patient through until their death — even if that might mean they are with us for long weeks or even months. This decision is never reached quickly. It always involves a thoughtful and serious discussion.

Hospice can feel like a river of humanity. There is constant change—we can have as many as ten deaths in a single week. The people I remember are those who are gracious even while they are in pain or grieving. I am moved by the connections between parents and their children or grandchildren. And I am humbled by patients and families who ask how they can help or contribute even as they are facing unspeakable loss. I’ve met 90-year-olds who have terrible diseases and who still show great delight in living. I’ve met young people who have the strength to comfort their families

… and our team … as they prepare

for death. People are astonishing. Working at Hospice is the best work I can imagine.

The Important Conversations You Make HappenThe care and comfort provided at Victoria Hospice would not be possible without donors like you!

Community donations support all the Victoria Hospice programs and services that are not funded through the health care system — counselling, spiritual care, bereavement services, volunteer coordination and

training, and a significant portion of our Palliative Response Team’s costs.

In this edition of Transitions, we pay tribute to Victoria Hospice’s compassionate Psychosocial Team who gently listen, offer support and hold the hands of patients and their families during their end-of-life journey.

Michelle Dale, MSW RSWUnit Counsellor

Supporting Patients and Families through Spiritual Care Staying Connected with Eshu

When I first began my spiritual training journey 23 years ago, I

started volunteering at Hospice. It was that experience that made me get serious about my spiritual training. I left Hospice and went to the monastery. Later, in 2016, I was looking for part-time work outside of the Zen Centre when I discovered Victoria Hospice was looking for a part-time Spiritual Health Coordinator. The timing could not have been better!

At Hospice we have doctors and nurses caring for patients’ physical concerns. We also have counsellors and social workers looking at patients’ social and emotional concerns. My role is to really get to know the person in terms of where they find meaning, connection and purpose. That’s one of the areas that can be easily lost when you enter a hospital.

When I first introduce myself as the Spiritual Health Coordinator, patients and families often think I’m going to start preaching religion. Some people have mixed feelings about religion. I understand that, and it means that overcoming their upfront hesitation can be a challenge. My goal in terms of the patient’s spiritual health is to connect them with what gives their life meaning and purpose. For some people, it’s family; for others it’s nature, a spiritual or religious community, their

cultural community or their hobby.

One particular patient was connected to the local muscle car community, so that’s what we talked about. Did this community know that they were at Hospice? Did the patient want them to know? Would they like photos of cars up in their room? What did they need to stay connected? It’s important that I get to know each patient, so I can keep them connected with that source of meaning while they’re here. It’s my job to build rapport and help ensure the patient is being supported on all levels.

I have worked with patients who don’t get along with everyone in their family, and over time the family separates and moves apart. What often happens when someone is terminally ill is that all those people come back together and pack themselves into a little room where a really serious issue is occurring. Some of my favorite work is helping a patient and their family work through some “old stuff” so that they can simply be together during the patient’s end-of-life journey.

It’s wonderful to be comforted by truly fantastic doctors, nurses, counsellors and spiritual health people, but the connection with family is deeper. Witnessing a dying patient re-establish a connection with their family and experiencing their warmth is deeply

rewarding. That’s when my role becomes much more passive. It’s what I like to see. It’s an ideal situation.

In the end it’s not about me, or us or even Hospice; it’s really about the quality of that person’s life. We support it, and we enhance it if we can.

Someone to Listen… When I Needed it Most My long association with Victoria Hospice began the year Hospice opened in 1980. My brother Denis developed cancer and had a kidney removed, and the outlook wasn’t good. While at work one day, one of my wife’s colleagues at Mount Douglas School told her about Hospice. She immediately got in touch with Denis.

This was the beginning. Every day, Hospice sent doctors, nurses and social workers to Denis’s home. I witnessed the compassion these people exhibited not only towards Denis but also towards his wife, his children and our entire family. He also spent two or three days in Hospice where he received special care and his wife got a chance to rest. I soon became aware that the Hospice caregivers were very

Eshu Martin, Osho RCHSpiritual Health Coordinator

Beloved volunteer and lively storyteller Madelaine Burbridge has retired after 25 years of volunteering at Victoria Hospice. Madelaine gener ous ly gave more than 5,000 hours of her time on the clinical unit, at fundraising events and, most recently, with the Bereavement Team, who serenaded her with an original farewell tune.

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Someone to Listen… When I Needed it Most special: they had a calling to care for end-of-life patients.

Later, I developed a new association with Victoria Hospice. My wife Henriette became sick with cancer in 2005. She struggled, and we desperately hoped for a cure. However, that was not meant to be. As her illness progressed, I witnessed the same concern and compassion I had seen at Denis’s home. I was so impressed by the loving care the Hospice people provided.

Henriette died in January of 2007. I was lonely, and I missed her so dearly. The long nights were the most difficult. One night, at about 2:30 am, I called Hospice and spoke to a kind lady. She listened as I spoke, never once giving the impression she had other things to do. And later, after our conversation was over, I was able to go

back to bed. I don’t know this lady’s name, but I do remember her as someone special, someone who comforted me during the night when I needed it most.

This took place eleven years ago, but the memory is still vivid. I will likely never see nor speak to her again; however, should she ever read this, I want her to know that I have never forgotten her kindness to me. I would like to say to her, personally: Thank you.

I am eternally grateful to her and to the whole team at Victoria Hospice.

Gerald Moreau C.M., Ph.D Member of the Order of Canada Professor Emeritus of the University of Victoria Partner Without Borders (Doctors Without Borders)

What’s Important to You?One day, each of us will likely reflect on what will matter to us as we approach our final years, months, weeks or days. What might that be? If our daily routine were altered and we faced the challenge of a life-limiting illness, what would we wish to focus on, look forward to, talk about or aspire to?

At Victoria Hospice, Counsellors walk alongside patients, families and loved ones to guide reflections and conversations like these. Our Counsellors listen to and support them, as they explore what is meaningful and important in their lives, and try to help them live their best lives throughout their Hospice journey.

As a team, we see the comfort patients and their families can experience when they’re presented with the opportunity to consider, clarify and make decisions that reflect what truly matters to them.

If you would you like to explore what you find meaningful, here are some questions to ponder:

What five things bring the most joy to your life?

What are you most proud of?

What three things would you change

if you could?

Who would you trust to speak for you, if you are not able to

speak for yourself?

If you were sick or weak, where would you

like to be cared for? By whom?

What would you want your caregivers to know about you?

Who haven’t you talked with recently but would

want to talk with before you could no longer talk?

If you had only one opportunity to apologize to someone,

who would you call?

What three words would you hope

people would use to describe you?

Is there a story from your life that you feel

best defines who you truly are?

What is it?

If someone was to make a donation in your memory

after you died, where would you like their gift to

go, and why?

We invite you to pause, reflect and contemplate these questions — it is never

too early to think about what’s important and meaningful.

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Your Donation Makes a DifferenceYES! I would like to provide care to patients and families in need.

Donation preference: ¨ One-time ¨ Monthly / My donation: ¨ $50 ¨ $100 ¨ $250 ¨ $500 ¨ $1000 ¨ Other . . . . . . . . .

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¨ I would like to receive Victoria Hospice e-newsletters.¨ I wish to remain anonymous.¨ I have included Victoria Hospice in my Will.¨ I am interested in finding out more about including Victoria Hospice in my Will. Thank you!

Lighting the Way for Children, Youth and Parents

Grief. It’s something each of us will experience at some time in

our lives, and the emotional toll of bereavement can be a darkness that seems inescapable. In children and youth, these impacts are often reflected in challenges with behaviour, peer relationships and school performance.

Imagine the impact of grief on children who have lost a parent, a sibling or a friend. Imagine the burden of grief on parents caring for a dying child, or on parents whose child has already died. Victoria Hospice helps people of all ages as they make the journey through grief and bereavement — thanks to your generous support.

We’re now seeking to broaden our support for children, youth and parents in our community by embarking on a project, guided by our expert Child and Youth Counsellor, Allyson Whiteman, to produce a series of videos and podcasts. Victoria Hospice will then make these available, free of charge, to both the people who need to be guided through grief and to professionals who support them.

A series of videos will be developed for two age groups of children, one for children aged 5–10 years and another for those aged 11–17. The series will contain

content designed specifically for each group’s developmental stage and will help them understand: what grief is, their reactions to it, how they can help themselves and how to seek support.

For parents and professionals, Hospice will develop educational podcasts. These will explain how children and youth grieve at each developmental stage, provide methods for fostering resiliency within the family, and identify risk factors that might indicate the need for additional support. Other podcasts will also be created for people supporting dying children, those caring for someone whose loved one has elected to have a medically-

assisted death and for people who have experienced perinatal or prenatal loss.

The project’s goal is to increase Victoria Hospice’s capacity to help, and to share our expertise so more children and youth can find comfort and solace when they need it. These resources will, therefore, be shared with school districts and other not-for-profit organizations that care for children, youth and families.

The total cost of the project is $12,500, and we will begin the work as soon as funding is available. If you would like to support this important initiative, please call Tom at 250-519-1749.

Allyson Whiteman, Child and Youth Counsellor, is guiding the creation of videos and podcasts to support children, youth and parents.

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No thanks.

Grief Support– How friends and family can help –

Do spend time with the grieving person. Loneliness is a major aspect of

grief for many people, and asking for company can be difficult. Offer to drop in for brief visits or accompany them on

an errand or to an appointment.

Don’t minimize or avoid their grief. Trying to distract them or convince them of how

great life is, will only make them feel even more alone.

Encourage them to tell you how it really is and simply listen.

Do invite the person to talk about the person who died.

Talking doesn’t cause more grief; it’s there all the time. Being able to remember and reminisce with someone can help the grieving person adjust to their loss. Ask

questions, be interested.

Don’t think, “They should be over this by now.” Grief is permanent. Although

the intensity of grief lessens over time for most people, there will always special

days and dates when the loss is felt more deeply. Make contact during those times.

Do share your stories and memories.

Grieving people may get the feeling that you don’t care or think

about their loved one if you never speak about him/her. Share a funny story or a life lesson you learned from the person

who died.

Do make concrete offers to help. “Can I walk your dog this week?” is better than,

“Call me if you need anything,” as thinking about what needs to be done and who to call is

often overwhelming for grieving people.

Don’t take it personally. There may be times when a

grieving person doesn’t want to see you, or to talk about their loss. Let them

know you’re okay with that.

Need more support?Call Victoria Hospice Bereavement Services

at 250-370-8868.

VH-GriefSupport-1806-Ltr-print.pdf 1 2018-06-26 10:53 AM

No thanks.

Grief Support– How friends and family can help –

Do spend time with the grieving person. Loneliness is a major aspect of

grief for many people, and asking for company can be difficult. Offer to drop in for brief visits or accompany them on

an errand or to an appointment.

Don’t minimize or avoid their grief. Trying to distract them or convince them of how

great life is, will only make them feel even more alone.

Encourage them to tell you how it really is and simply listen.

Do invite the person to talk about the person who died.

Talking doesn’t cause more grief; it’s there all the time. Being able to remember and reminisce with someone can help the grieving person adjust to their loss. Ask

questions, be interested.

Don’t think, “They should be over this by now.” Grief is permanent. Although

the intensity of grief lessens over time for most people, there will always special

days and dates when the loss is felt more deeply. Make contact during those times.

Do share your stories and memories.

Grieving people may get the feeling that you don’t care or think

about their loved one if you never speak about him/her. Share a funny story or a life lesson you learned from the person

who died.

Do make concrete offers to help. “Can I walk your dog this week?” is better than,

“Call me if you need anything,” as thinking about what needs to be done and who to call is

often overwhelming for grieving people.

Don’t take it personally. There may be times when a

grieving person doesn’t want to see you, or to talk about their loss. Let them

know you’re okay with that.

Need more support?Call Victoria Hospice Bereavement Services

at 250-370-8868.

VH-GriefSupport-1806-Ltr-print.pdf 1 2018-06-26 10:53 AM

Your Donation Makes a DifferenceThe care provided at Victoria Hospice is made possible by donors like you!

Your gift makes a meaningful impact on patients and families in Victoria. Thank you for your support!

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$80 provides a one-on-one counselling session to a grieving family member or friend following a death

$120 allows Victoria Hospice counsellors to meet patients and families in the early stages of their illness, and help them plan ahead for future care

$240 provides a morning of spiritual care on Victoria Hospice’s in-patient unit for a patient in need

$1000 Funds two months of drop-in counselling services for bereaved families in the community

No thanks.

Grief Support– How friends and family can help –

Do spend time with the grieving person. Loneliness is a major aspect of

grief for many people, and asking for company can be difficult. Offer to drop in for brief visits or accompany them on

an errand or to an appointment.

Don’t minimize or avoid their grief. Trying to distract them or convince them of how

great life is, will only make them feel even more alone.

Encourage them to tell you how it really is and simply listen.

Do invite the person to talk about the person who died.

Talking doesn’t cause more grief; it’s there all the time. Being able to remember and reminisce with someone can help the grieving person adjust to their loss. Ask

questions, be interested.

Don’t think, “They should be over this by now.” Grief is permanent. Although

the intensity of grief lessens over time for most people, there will always special

days and dates when the loss is felt more deeply. Make contact during those times.

Do share your stories and memories.

Grieving people may get the feeling that you don’t care or think

about their loved one if you never speak about him/her. Share a funny story or a life lesson you learned from the person

who died.

Do make concrete offers to help. “Can I walk your dog this week?” is better than,

“Call me if you need anything,” as thinking about what needs to be done and who to call is

often overwhelming for grieving people.

Don’t take it personally. There may be times when a

grieving person doesn’t want to see you, or to talk about their loss. Let them

know you’re okay with that.

Need more support?Call Victoria Hospice Bereavement Services

at 250-370-8868.

VH-GriefSupport-1806-Ltr-print.pdf 1 2018-06-26 10:53 AM

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For a full size version, visit victoriahospice.org/grief-support/how-friends-and-family-can-help

Victoria Hospice Society Board of DirectorsMarguerite Rowe

presidentRob Gareau

past presidentDeedrie Ballard

vice presidentClark Lawrence

treasurerBrenda Canitz

Dr. Eric Charman C.M., O.B.C., L.L.D.

Steve ClarkTerry FarmerEileen HarperZahra Rayani-

KanjiTim Schober

Victoria Hospice and Palliative Care Foundation Board of DirectorsDeedrie Ballard

presidentRob GareauClark Lawrence

treasurer

Marguerite RoweJason SikoraColin Weavers

Victoria Hospice VisionQuality end-of-life care for all

Victoria Hospice MissionTo enhance the quality of life for those facing advancing illness, death and bereave-ment through skilled and compassionate care, education, research and advocacy

Would you like to share your Hospice story? We would love to hear from you.

Contact Jordan McClymont, Donor Relations Officer

at 250-519-1744 or Jordan.McClymont@VictoriaHospice.org

Thank you.

4th Floor, Richmond Pavilion 1952 Bay Street, Victoria BC V8R 1J8

250-519-1744 info@VictoriaHospice.org

www.VictoriaHospice.org

Charitable Registration Number

11928 4230 RR0001

Victoria Hospice respects your privacy, and we do not sell, trade, lend or rent

any of your personal information.

transitionsT H E N E W S L E T T E R O F

IN MEMORY Audrey Adams · Desmond J. Ahearne

· Lise Archambault · Richard Baer · Pamela Barry · Robert

Baxter · Ralph Edward Beisiegel · Lucille R. Bishop · Robert

Bloomfield · Marie Boudreau · Paddy Brennan · Margaret

E. Brooks · Mary Brygadyr · Bob Buckingham · Francis J

Cachat · Margaret E. Campbell · Marjorie Campbell · Herbert

C. Carlson · Nancy Casey · Ann Chaland · Robert Chaland ·

Bob Chard · Doug Cheeke · Marion D. Cheney · Isabel Clark ·

Richard A. Couch · Patti Croisetiere · Betty Cross · Stephen

Crothall · Jaime Da Costa Ribeiro · Dominic DeMeo · Robert

Dolce · Lloyd Duhaime · Daphne Dunbar · Stewart W. A.

Duncan · Charles Duncan · Marge Elphick · Vivian Eng · Pam

Engwer · Kathleen Farmer · John C. Fawcett · Joseph A.

Feldman · Eddie Flack · David Flint · Laurie Fredrick · Jessie

Peggy E. Freethy · Katherine Fuller · Rob Gleason · George

Glover · David Golden · Alvarina Gonzalez · Marguerite Green

· Robert Griffiths · M. Gropp · Robert Guskey · Katrina M. Hall ·

Carole Hall · Howard Hall · Margaret Hallam · David Harper ·

Cameron Harris · Sue D. Hasell · Albert G. Henderson · Joan H.

Hewer · Patrick Hirst · Alan J. Hodgson · Sylvia Holm · Ethel F.

Howard · Henry R. Hubscher · Lesley Hulme · Corrine Hussey

· Olive M. Jacobsen · Raymond Jenks · Joe Johnson · Sidney

Joss · Michael Kamper · Geza Kapus · George Klein · Nicole

Lafrance · Middleton Lambert · Lavone Landie · Kenneth

C. Lawrence · Joan Lawson · Nancy Levesque · James L.

Lindsay · Edna Loht · Robert Long · Mickey Lowy · Denis Lush

· Joan MacDonald · Ruth Mackie · Clara Magas · Jack Main ·

Kathleen Marshall · Shirley Mawdsley · Dorothy A. McCartney

· Hazel McCoy · Joe McGregor · Gerald McMechan · Jean

McRobert · Teresa Miros · Earl E. Morgan · Claude Morin ·

Hugh Morton · Pat Mosseyton · Alexina Munn · Jean Murata ·

Gidi Nahshon · Robert L. Nelson · Gordon Nickells · Bernard

Nisbit · Harold W. Norman · Allen Olson · Andre J. Ouelette ·

Gladys Page · Don Palmer · Vastupal Parikh · David Parry ·

Evalyn Partridge · Linda Penner · Paola Perusi · Doug Peterson

· Eileen Poulin · Gordon Pynn · Candy Reed · Ursula Rettich ·

Allen Robb · Milforde Rose · David A. Ross · Robert Rouse ·

Glen Roy · Pat Rufh · John L. Sands · Brian Scarfe · Denise

Schaubeck · Mary Schaufele · Peter Schorle · Mary Shelton ·

Patricia Sheppard · Elizabeth A. Sinclair · Lynda Sivertson ·

Suzanne Skedgel-Hill · Doug Smith · Rosiline Smith · William

Snow · Richard Steeds · Sheryl Steeves · Douglas Stewart

· Terry Stewart · William Stewart · Esther Strauss · Jennifer

Street · Walter A. Sutherland · Peter Ter Veer · Richard G. Todd

· Brent Tolmie · Nina Trail · Roy Tucker · Mavis Tudway · Bernice

Tyson · Glen Urquhart · Mary Van Alstine · Agnes Van Swieten ·

Susan J. Verchere · Alan Vernon · Denise Voss · Gareth Walter

· Barbara Watt · Jean Waugh · Iris Wey · William Wigmore ·

James M. Wilde · Shane Yada · Josie Young

IN HONOUR Comfort Keepers Victoria

Compassionate care at Victoria Hospice is made possible through the generosity of our community. The individuals listed below have been remembered by friends and loved ones with gifts In Memory and In Honour. These meaningful gifts honour precious lives and help to enhance quality of life for other patients and families in need. Gifts made In Memory or In Honour between May 1, 2018 and July 31, 2018:

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