Train the Trainer With NLP

Developed for Department of Community Services Trainers

Train the Trainer

Developed and presented by Cindy Tonkin The Consultants’ Consultant Aragon Gray Pty Ltd

2008

© 2008 Cindy Tonkinwww.consultantsconsultant.com.au 2

Contents

Cindy Tonkin ...................................................................................................................... 6

Outcomes .......................................................................................................................... 7 Your outcome 7 Reviewing successful training 8

About Neuro‐Linguistic Programming ............................................................................... 9 The presuppositions of NLP 9 Conscious / Unconscious Mind Distinctions 10 Robert Dilts' Logical Levels of Leadership 11 Robert Dilts' Logical Levels of Leadership 11 • Spirit / Purpose 11 • Identity 11 • Values and Beliefs 11 • Ability / Skills 11 • Behaviours 11 • Environment 11

Positive Psychology ......................................................................................................... 12 Living well ‐ the Psychology of Everyday Life 12 Happier 13 • Happiness 13 • Rat Race 13 • Hedonism 14 • Nihilism 14 • Rituals you can put in place for happiness 14 High Hopers 15 What if? 15 Signs and Symptoms of Inner Peace 15

Organising thoughts and designing training .................................................................... 16 Chunking – organising your thoughts 16 Using pyramids / CPD hierarchy in training design 17 Needs analysis – ways to gather information 18

About learning ................................................................................................................. 19 Barriers to Learning 19 Attitudes of a successful learner 19 Levels of Learning 20 • III Generative Learning 20 • II Accelerated Learning 20 • I Applied Learning 20 • 0 Rote Learning 20 The Neuro‐educational process 21 • Logical processes – force or tell 21 • Neuro‐logical processes – invent, discover, steal 21 Stages of Learning 22 Memory and multiple exposure 23 Learning more quickly 23

Getting wise .................................................................................................................... 24 Perceptual Positions 24


• Wisdom = at least 3 perspectives 24 • Three perspectives in Training 24 • What is it? 24 • How you can practice shifting Perceptual Positions 25 • Perceptual positions and disagreements 25 • Perceptual positions and team building 26 • My work peace‐keeping action 27

Keeping your body tuned ................................................................................................ 28 Energy levels 28 • Protein 28 • Water 28 • Alignment 28 • Number of steps 28 • Sub‐contracting the energy 28 The Brain Gym 7 minute tune up 29 • The Brain Gym ‐ some background 30 New Behaviour Generator 32

Anchoring ........................................................................................................................ 33 Anchors 33 • Home noticing 34 Satir Categories – another type of anchor 35

Language for Trainers ...................................................................................................... 36 Finishing a day of training 36 Oops, we've run out of time… 37 Closing day one of a culture‐change conference 38 How to use the Milton Model 39 • Milton Model – an amplifier 39 • Milton Model – an overview 39 • Step 1: Involve the listener 39 • Step 2: Distract the conscious mind 40 • Step 3: Work with the unconscious mind 43 Summary of the three steps of the Milton Model 45 • Step 1: Involve the Listener 45 • Step 2: Distract the conscious mind 45 • Step 3: Speak directly to the unconscious mind 46 Some phonological ambiguities 47 Matching techniques for trainers 48 Universals about solving problems 48 Powerful presuppositions ‐ Questions every Leader should ask 49 Since you already know about presupposing 50 Torpedoes ‐ Making presupposing work 50 Using artful presuppositions 51 Presuppositions and debriefing meetings and exercises 54 • And your own better ways 54

Frames and reframes ...................................................................................................... 55 All meaning is contextual ‐ reframing and dissolving issues 55 • Margaret Mead's hate mail 55 • Jack Welch's stutter 55 • Cabaret 55 • From Will and Grace 56


• Reframing practice 56 Framing the process 57 • Backtrack frame 57 • Relevance frame 57 • As if frame 57 • Open frame 58 • Discovery frame 58 • Outcome frame 58 • Contrast frame 58 • Ecology frame 58 • Agreement frame 58 • Absurdity frame 59 • So let’s use this 59 • Test it out 59

Influencing groups ........................................................................................................... 60 Stand up! 60 Use Visual aids! 60 Be passionate and involve them! 60 Cialdini's Six Influence principles 61 • Liking 61 • Social Proof 61 • Authority 62 • Reciprocity 62 • Scarcity 62 • Commitment and consistency 63 Leveraging the Wisdom of Crowds 65 • Teams and Communities aren't diverse 65 • Making boards and management teams more successful 65 • Switching people on using the wisdom of crowds 66 • Collaboration 66

Using Story ...................................................................................................................... 67 Stories – for high stakes communication 67 The structure of a story 68 The story formula 68 • Once upon a time 68 • Suddenly 68 • Luckily (or unfortunately) 68 • Happily ever after (or a lesson) 68 Eliciting values through story 70 Hypnosis using story 71 • About Joe 71 • What happened as a result of this intervention 72 • About Milton Erickson 72 Nested Stories 73 Using metaphor in training 74 • Creating a metaphor 74 • Delivery variables for deep metaphors 74 • Deep and shallow metaphors 75

Making meaning: questions and post‐activity “debriefs” ............................................... 76 Answering questions 76


• Questions to ask yourself when answering questions 77 Modelling and language 78 • Activity 79 Apply this to training 79 Debriefing – Post‐activity Sense‐making 80 • Content debrief 80 • Process debrief 80

Creating a learning environment ..................................................................................... 81 Logistics 81 Production 81 • Where is the focus of the room 81 • Light 81 • Other Room set up 81 Room layout ‐ seating 82 Music 84 • Types of music 84 • Organising your music 85

References ...................................................................................................................... 87 Selected Bibliography 87


Cindy Tonkin

Cindy Tonkin is The Consultants’ Consultant. She makes doing business with people easy. She is one of the best‐educated Master Practitioner and NLP trainers operating in a business environment, with Masters level academic qualifications from Paris, and a First Class Honours degree from Sydney University. She also has practical, on‐the‐floor experience implementing organisational change from Chief Executive and Director to Supervisor level. A qualified NLP‐trained trainer and presenter she combines an extroverted, energetic presentation style with a strong understanding of what makes people tick. The results are fun, dynamic ways to make your team work. Cindy is a keen Theatresports® improvised comedy player, which means she can think on her feet and create magic from nothing. She plays on stage at inner city venues with some of the big names in Sydney Comedy. She is also an accomplished singer, and a mixed media artist. Her solid background in consulting and training means there is a point to the activities, the debriefs and the learning acquired from any activity, regardless of how much fun it is! She is also the author of a 6 books for Consultants and managers. Her first book, The Australian Consultant’s Guide, was an Australian Institute of Management bestseller. You can find out more information about Cindy at www.consultantsconsultant.com.au, www.cindytonkin.com, www.aragongray.com and www.ludiccreative.com In 2008 her clients range from charities such as the Cancer Council of Victoria to public service organisations like NSW Police and Railcorp. She also has a strong financial client base: Toyota Financial Services, Commonwealth Bank, BMW Finance. In her career Cindy has worked with more than 70 organisations. 48% of her work is repeat business. 64% is referral business (i.e. a colleague or client recommended her work!).


Outcomes

Your outcome How do you want your training to be as a result of today

What are you going to do to get this

How you will know you have it

Purpose of getting this

What has stopped you in the past


Reviewing successful training What made it successful?

What was involved?

People – personality and values

Words

Sounds

Body language


About Neuro‐Linguistic Programming

The presuppositions of NLP These are the things that NLPers believe. It is the underlying assumptions in all of the work and learning that we do. They came originally from modelling excellent communicators.

The meaning of my communication is the response I get.

You cannot not communicate, you cannot not influence

Always add choice, never take away

Possible in the world, possible for me, only a question of how

Every behaviour has a positive intent

People make the best choice available to them in any given moment

All meaning is contextual

People have all the resources they need (it's just a question of access)

There are no resistant people, only inflexible communicators

Resistance is a sign of insufficient pacing

You cannot not respond

The Mind and body are connected in a cybernetic loop

The map is not the territory

Behaviour is the highest form of communication

There is no failure only feedback

Language is a secondary representation of experience

Law of requisite variety: In any closed system, the component that is most flexible controls that system.

Anything that happens in one part of a cybernetic system, such as a human being, will necessarily effect all other parts of the system.


Conscious / Unconscious Mind Distinctions1

Conscious Mind Unconscious Mind

7 ± 2 chunks sequential

logical linear

asks "why" thinking waking

voluntary movements aware of now

tries to understand problem directs outcome

deliberate verbal

analytical attends to information

limited focus cognitive learnings

everything else simultaneous intuitive, associational cybernetic knows why feeling sleeping, dreaming involuntary movements storehouse of all memories knows solution expedites outcome automatic nonverbal synthetic attends/records information unlimited, expansive experiential learning

For a popular and relevant take on the unconscious mind and its uses (and abuses), read Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink. Or visit http://www.gladwell.com/blink/index.html

1 From Overdurf and Silverthorn, page 66


Robert Dilts' Logical Levels of Leadership2

Spirit / Purpose

Who I am Identity Who?

my belief Systems Values and Beliefs Why?

my capabilities Ability / Skills How?

what I do or have done Behaviours What?

my environment Environment Where? When?

"While each level becomes more abstracted from the specifics of behaviour and sensory experience, it actually has more and more widespread effect on our behaviour and experience".

From the bottom up:

• Environmental factors determine what external opportunities or constraints exist for someone to reacts to. Answers the questions where and when?

• Behaviour is made up of the specific actions or reactions taken within the environment. Answers the question why?

• Capabilities (Skills) guide and give direction to behavioural action through a mental map, plan or strategy. Answers the question how

• Beliefs and values reinforce motivation and permission, which supports or denies skills. Answers the question how?

• Identity factors determine overall purpose (mission) and shape beliefs and values through our sense of self. Answers the question who?

Leading from the top of this ladder has more effect than leading from the bottom.

2 Adapted from Dilts, Robert, Visionary Leadership – creating a world to which people want to belong, Meta Publications, 1996


Positive Psychology

Living well ‐ the Psychology of Everyday Life3 Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is the world's expert on happiness ‐ or in fact what he calls "flow". Flow is more interesting to study than happiness, mainly because it's a state of mind over which we have some control. Happiness can often come from outside ‐ a sunny day, a puppy, a child laughing, can make us feel happy. The problem can be if these things are absent, we can "lose" happiness. Flow is another happy experience but since we generate ourselves, we can create it at will. Csikszentmihalyi's research has shown that adults report more flow experiences on the job than in their free time.

If you would like to be "happier", part of this is understanding how to make more flow experiences in your life and work.

Here's how you recognise a flow experience:

deeply involved sense of control time stops sense of self vanishes.

Here's what makes a flow experience possible high challenge task high skill required clear goals immediate feedback of success or failure

It's also important to notice where your attention goes. If you don’t notice feedback you can't be in flow. If others in your workplace are enjoying what they're doing, how can you enjoy it like they enjoy it? This research also shows people are happier doing tasks they don't want to do when they turn them into a "game". So how quickly can I mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, how many dishes can I wash before taking a breath.

3 Mihaly Csikszenthmihalyi (pronounced: Chicks send me high), Living Well, Phoenix Books 1997.


Happier4

Happiness

Happiness is when what we’re doing now feels good now, and will feel good in the future: • I like what I’m doing now, and I will still feel good later. • I’m not doing it too much (excess leads to Hedonism), and it’s good for me. • e.g. exercise, meditating, reading, singing, dancing, helping people, solving problems, thinking,

talking, playing sport… whatever you enjoy! • Your objective is to spend as much time as you can in this quadrant (but it’s not realistic to

expect to always be here!)

Rat Race The Rat race is where we don’t feel good now, but we will feel better in the future: • I’m not enjoying this right now, but I’ll feel really good when it’s finished • Sometimes a necessary evil, e.g. paperwork, some university degrees • Not a good place to spend too much time! • A place to avoid for any prolonged period (e.g. more than 20% of your day!) • Your task is to find some way to enjoy the task you don’t enjoy now (which puts it back into

happiness), e.g. by making the chore a game, by adding a sound track, by concentrating on how good you’ll feel later…

• If the process of attaining of a goal (e.g. a career) isn’t enjoyable (i.e. you hate the training program), what makes you think you’ll enjoy the career itself?

4 Adapted from Tal Ben‐Shahar, Happier – learn the secrets to daily joy and lasting fulfilment; McGraw Hill, 2007

Rat Race Happiness

Nihilism Hedonism

Future Benefit

Future Detriment

Benefit Now

Detrim

ent Now


Hedonism If we feel good now, but know we’ll pay for it in the morning (or longer term), that’s hedonism • I feel good now, I don’t care about the impact. • I’ll eat/drink/sleep/party/ exercise too much because it feels good now (but I’ll be hung over,

fat, anorexic or sore later).

Nihilism When nothing feels good now, and it will feel bad in the future too, then that’s nihilism: • Nothing feels good • Nothing changes • It doesn’t matter what I do • I’ll never feel better • e.g. depression, cynicism, dead‐end jobs

Rituals you can put in place for happiness • Make things you enjoy a ritual (like cleaning your

teeth is a ritual), so that happiness becomes a habit. Don’t leave it to chance to decide whether you’re happy (or not)

• Play the “glad game” with good and bad news • At the end of each day write down 5 things you are

happy about or for • set goals whose primary purpose is to make you feel better now – i.e. the getting of the goal

should also be pleasant • Instead of trying to introduce “self‐discipline” in your life, try introducing rituals or routines

(few people need to remember to clean their teeth, it just happens every day, it’s a routine. Do the same with pleasurable things!)

• Notice your own patterns – what makes you happier? What patterns do you have which may block you from being happier (if you want to make a change, you have to make a change!)


High Hopers Positive psychology includes research on High and Low Hopers5.

High Hopers have many motivations to achieve their goals, and many ways to get there. If something doesn't work, they just try it another way.

Low Hopers have few motivations to achieve their goals, and only one way to get there. If something doesn't work, they give up hope.

To motivate yourself to do, be or have something, consider making sure you get lots of motivations (why I want this), as well as several ways you can move towards it.

What if? How would you live your life is this were true:

People are born into original debt rather than original sin. The debt is owed to the Gods because they sing us into being. The debt is paid with beauty. The gods are hungry and it is our uniquely human offerings of beautiful creativity and language that feed them. If we feed them well they will continue to sing and we will continue to be born and live our short but fantastical lives6.

Signs and Symptoms of Inner Peace Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many have already been expose to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

Do you have any of these signs of inner peace in your life?

A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment A loss of interest in judging other people A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others A loss of interest in conflict A loss of the ability to worry (note: This is a very serious symptom) Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation Contented feelings of connected‐ness with others and nature Frequent attacks of smiling An increased tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well‐preserved body, but rather a skid broadside into heaven, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming "WOW! What a ride!"7

5 C. Richard Snyder, Handbook of Hope, Theory, Measures and Applications Academic Press, 2000, and The Psychology of Hope, Free Press, 1994. 6 Leslie Lebeau (Cameron‐Bandler), "Beauty and Grace" Anchor Point Magazine, Volume 18, number 3. Leslie is quoting Martin Prechtel. 7 Saskia Davis, http://www.expressionsofspirit.com/symptoms.htm


Organising thoughts and designing training

Chunking – organising your thoughts

Chunk upWhat is this an example of?What is this a part of?What category does it belong to?

Chunk downWhat is an example of this?What is a part of this?

Chunk sideways orlaterallyWhat else belongs in thiscategory?What are other parts thatbelong with this one?


Using pyramids / CPD hierarchy in training design

The concept of chunking up and down then can apply to how you design training or a speech.

Consider creating a “pyramid”8 with the concept at the top, 3 – 5 chunks under that, then for each chunk, another 3 – 5 under that. Remember the principle of 7+/‐29 – i.e. chunk in 3 – 5 chunks (otherwise people don’t remember the first one you spoke of by the time they reach the 6th or 7th). This type of pyramid has also been called the CPD hierarchy (Concept, Principles, Details). You can see an example of one below (entitled “People Learn Differently”) You can do this for each section of your training. You can go across in different categories (as in the example below), or you can Chronologically (in the past, now, the future; or 1963, 1984, 1999 etc) In order for a procedure (1st step, 2nd step, 3rd step etc) Structurally (animals with 2 legs, 4 legs, 6 legs etc) Comparatively (the most important, the 2nd most important) People’s minds expect a pattern

8 Try Barbara Minto The Pyramid Principle for more information 9 George Miller The Magical Number 7+/ 2 1956. Essentially this research suggested when only one sense is engaged, people tend to remember only 5 – 9 things. Miller tried it auditory and gustatory stimuli. To remember more than 5 – 9 things, the ideas need to be organised, connected or marked out in some way. This is where a CPD hierarchy or pyramid can be helpful.

why

what

how

what if

4 mat

E/I

N/S

T/F

P/J

MBTI

predicates

eye patterns

rapport

VAKAd

People learn differently

7 ± 2

Prime mover

Truck

121 323 Astina

Mazda BMW Ford

Car Boat

Transport


Needs analysis – ways to gather information You can gather information about what people already know and what they need to know before you design training. It helps you to create a relevant, enjoyable, useful experience for the participants. Some of the ways to gather information for needs analysis include: • Observation (of work processes, meetings, consultations) • Publicly available information – newspapers, magazines,

web pages, Google • Records and reports • Work samples • Questionnaires (addressed to learners, to customers/clients, supervisors, managers) • Key consultations (managers, customers, supervisors) • Interviews (with potential participants, their stakeholders, managers etc) • Skills Test

Be aware that the process of consulting people about needs awakens their minds, so consider using some Milton model‐like suggestion even when asking the questions. Always remember to enhance or maintain the self‐esteem of the learner, even when doing a needs analysis. The needs analysis is your opportunity to build rapport with potential learners, and it earns you “street cred” with the ST audience (very few trainers take the time to go out into the workplace and see the “real” thing). The only trainer “ambushes” I have heard of occurred when there was little or no needs analysis.


About learning

Barriers to Learning There are many barriers to learning; here are some, and you can probably add some of your own

Judgment (I hate women’s voices) Physical disability Inability to capitalize on 5 senses (e.g. can’t visual construct) Culturally determined responses (e.g. levels within organisation, inappropriate language Passive attitude (access in similar state as put in – VAK best) Poor self image (V), self esteem (K) – chunking for success is required Low motivation (poor why frame) Inability to relax / play (make it hard?) Psych issues (what happened before, the power games) Inflexibility Premature closure (I know this already, or I will never need to know this) Inability to focus or concentrate (minimal interference) Fear Inappropriate learning strategies

Attitudes of a successful learner Here are some attitudes you may want to encourage in your own room, and cultivate yourself when you are in a learning environment (which environment isn’t a learning environment?). Again, feel free to add your own from your own experience…

Fascination, curiosity, how is it possible Wanton experimentation Flexibility and willingness to play Life is an opportunity Setting high outcomes Striving for competence View clarity as an enemy Honesty with self train yourself to learn be “addicted” to learning fun, fantasy, frivolity


Levels of Learning The levels of learning come from the work of Gregory Bateson; the names for each level come from Marvin Oka’s research. Bateson posited 4 learning levels, each more complex than the next. Start at the bottom of the model, and remember learning your times tables; then travel through applied learning to learning “how” to d things; some people never encountered accelerated learning… and lifelong multi‐context learners will know the experience of generative learning – where they learn not what is presented to them. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day (rote learning) Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime (applied learning, and if you’re lucky, accelerated learning – just teach him faster) But what if he doesn’t like fish? Then he needs to learn how to teach himself from what you’ve taught him about fishing and apply it to growing vegetables or raising cattle or…

III Generative Learning

• Learning HOW to continuously generate NEW learning for yourself by creating your own personalised methods of Accelerated Learning developing the skills to process your own process of learning

• land of no words, where experience is the mode of communication. Learning is purely an experience, rather than an achievement

• Senge – companies who learn from themselves (the learning organisation)

• looks at the premises/processes of the neurology, how do people organise themselves to create a paradigm shift? expanding their epistemology, continually reorganising themselves based on intention

• continuing to notice own process and adapt

In generative learning we actively learn ourselves. We learn things that we weren’t taught

II Accelerated Learning

• learning already existing patterns of how to better acquire additional information and to do it quicker and more easily

• Multi‐sensory, faster applied learning, speed reading, left and right brain, colour, relaxation, fun, music, validation, respect, acknowledgement, balance, aesthetics, multiple layers

• provides for digital distinctions (exists in logic, but does not exist in the world)

• creating a new paradigm

In these 3 styles, Learning is “done” to us

I Applied Learning

• learning where and when to use existing learning. • applying rote learning to the world (2 x 4 = 8) • offers a choice amongst provided options • management models often exist at this level

0 Rote Learning

• installing learning through drills and constant repetition, • stimulus and response ‐ binary, on/off response with no choice • automatic reaction, security drills • I can open a door with a round handle, but not a door with any other

type of handle


The Neuro‐educational process10 The neuro‐educational process is the result of behavioural modeling of effective learners. What Marvin Oka and Philippa Bond found is that certain ways of teaching are more effective than others. They divided teaching/learning styles into two categories: Logical and Neuro‐Logical. Logical processes (forcing people to learn, or telling learners things) were less effective (and more labour intensive) than the Neuro‐Logical (creating opportunities for learners to invent, discover or “steal” the information).

Logical processes – force or tell Logical processes are less efficient, because you can only teach what you can tell.

Force You’ve got to know this It’s in the test

Tell Can only teach what you can tell Limits the learner to what they are told

Neuro‐logical processes – invent, discover, steal Neurological processes allow students to surpass the epistemology of the teacher. Allowing the learner to invent, discover or steal information means that it’s their own. As long as this is then checked against “procedure” to ensure they have received the correct message, it’s appropriate for all types of teaching. It’s important that learners discover here that it’s OK to be “wrong” or “off track” (try some “get it wrong” exercises to warm them up).

Invent Missing bits in training manual – fill in their own bits Stories don’t allow for fear or premature closure (i.e. they don’t know where they are coming from, they pay attention)

Discover Needs to be set up in RAS – need to directionalise what to discover One of the biggest barriers as learners is getting out of own way

Steal We “steal” information when eavesdropping – why not say good things and hope people hear it?

Compliments, metaphors, overheard comments

10 The neuro‐educational process is from the behavioural modelling work of Marvin Oka and Philippa Bond. It is not formally written up yet!

© 2008 Cind

Stag

dy Tonkinwww.

es of Le

.consultantsco

earning

onsultant.com..au

22


Memory and multiple exposure

Learning more quickly11 space it out The time taken to learn something is significantly less if you space out the learning. Tasks taking 30 minutes if learned all in one day will typically take 22 minutes if spaced over 2 days (30% saving). take a break Learning also enhanced if there is a short space between 2 presentations of the same material. test yourself If you test yourself and succeed in recalling the correct answer your memory for those facts will be strengthened, compared to having the information given to you. do it! Active involvement is always a more powerful memory enhancer than passive learning. review it Ebbinghaus tracked forgetting. In normal learning, people forget more than 80% of what they learn after one month. The way to change this is multiple exposures to the information ‐ like in the learning plan below

1. learn the material in 45 minute blocks with in‐built tests to ensure it moves from short‐term to long‐term memory

2. review for 5 minutes after 10 minutes

3. review for 5 minutes after 1 day

4. review for 3 minutes after 1 week

5. review for 3 minutes after 1 month

6. review for 3 minutes after 6 months This review plan will take 20 minutes for every 45 minutes of learning, but will conservatively save many hours of learning compared to the normal instinctive urge to "learn it all in one go". You can learn and remember 4 ‐ 5 times more with this learning plan.

11 Colin Rose, Accelerated Learning, page 35, p 50 ‐ 51


Getting wise

Perceptual Positions

Wisdom = at least 3 perspectives Many problems come from seeing only one point of view. If Dad only sees that he’s had a hard day and not that Mum may have had a hard day too, or that because today was a hot day everyone may be a little on edge, it can cause conflict. When sales people only see the sale and discount heavily, they are only looking at their own perspective. There is also the perspective of keeping the organisation profitable (so there will be jobs in the future), and of understanding the customer’s expectations of service to consider12. As soon as we consider more than just our own perspective, we get closer to wisdom.

Three perspectives in Training In training there are a minimum of three perspectives we need to keep in mind: Firstly, the perspective of the trainee or audience member: why are they here, what do they know, what do they need to know, how will they use the information. Secondly the perspective of the area commissioning the training “the customer” – the organisation, the manager, the public. Why do they want training? What do they say is the problem, is it a problem of skills, knowledge, a bigger organisational system issue, how can training address this, and what will happen after the training? Thirdly the trainer’s perspective needs to be considered: Why do you train, what are your strengths and weaknesses, how do you want to grow and learn through this training, how can you contribute to your own overall mission as a trainer? When you visit all 3 perspectives and discover a way to concatenate the 3 into a single training, there is the point of happiness!

What is it? Perceptual positions (also called Triple Descriptions or “going meta”) is essential looking at a situation from three perspectives ‐ your own, your negotiating partner and a third person observing.

• 1st position

focus on me sort by self (what do I need, want?) associated “emotional”

• 2nd position

sort by others (what do they need, what do they feel)

dissociated from self, associated with other

• 3rd position (called “meta”)

dissociated “dispassionate” observer

12 For a corporate angle on this see http://www.consultantsconsultant.com.au/article_perspective.htm


How you can practice shifting Perceptual Positions You can practice shifting perceptual positions in these ways: When designing a meeting or training consider the values that need to be satisfied at each of the 3 positions (or go multiple if you want to – each person in the meeting has a need and a value to be satisfied) When you have a disagreement with someone, consider shifting perceptual positions. From their perspective, what do they want (what is the POSITIVE intention of their action: remembering it’s positive for them, not necessarily for anyone else). From a disengaged, meta perspective, how is the interaction between you and them? Is there a way you can give them what they are seeking, satisfy their intention which won’t harm you? If so, how?

Perceptual positions and disagreements Maybe you've had this sort of situation in one of your workplaces.

Louise puts her morning tea 8 almonds and 4 dates out in deliberate, straight lines on a clean white teatowel every day at precisely 10:30. It drives Mel crazy.

She seethes. The crankier she gets, the more Louise ignores her and pays attention to her morning tea. The more she pays attention to her morning tea, the more Mel seethes. They're in a gridlock pattern, like traffic which can't move.

Perhaps you’re involved in a similar gridlock. The more your colleague sniffs, the harder it is for you to concentrate. The more they wave their arms the more questions you ask. The shiftier they get, the more distrustful you get. Notice who is upset in these examples? Who suffers? In this situation, Louise doesn't even know what's going on. But Mel gets angry and it puts her off all day. If you're in a gridlock, understand that one behaviour begets another. When you change one element of the system, it changes the whole system.

Mel decided she couldn’t continue. Since she was the one suffering, she chose to do something differently. She sat down with Louise. Mel found the Zen in counting her sultanas, and she no longer got annoyed.

Work out who’s hurting. If it's you, then cut your losses, and do something differently.

In her last job, Anita was concerned that people didn’t give her freedom to organise her files in what she thought was the appropriate, logical way. It annoyed her that her boss called last minute meetings and expected people to drop everything to come to an unscheduled meeting. When colleagues spoke to her about the way the intranet was set she got short with them. When they wanted her to help them with a project, she felt they were using her. Eventually, for these and many other reasons she got a new job. IN the few weeks between jobs, she analysed her how. It became clear to her that she was letting little things bug her. And the important things weren’t happening.

In her new job, she was told on the first day that she could organise things how she liked then. When she improved the way that files were kept on the server, one of her colleagues took her task. Had it been in the old job, she would have worried about it, been concerned that they were trying to stop her from doing her job. Certain that she was right. In the old job, she’d have sat on the anger and boiled.

The new Anita thought “in the big picture, this is a good job; I have a lot of freedom. This isn’t important”. She apologised and let go of the problem. Same when the boss got her to create a whole new set of files, and then trashed them a week later. Same when they called last minute meetings. In the end, she realised that it was her choice to be upset about it or not.

Anita realised the only person it was hurting was her. Who is your problem hurting?


Who is it hurting? What they do that gets to me:

What I do in response:

How I feel, what value I’m trying to satisfy when I do this:

Putting myself in their shoes, imagining I’m them, how they probably feel about it:

What’s important to them when this goes on? What value are they trying to satisfy?

From an observer or outsider’s perspective, what is going on (e.g. what values do both people want? How could they get it?)

From the observer perspective, what are you holding on to? What could you do differently?

Perceptual positions and team building Conflict by its very nature requires two different positions. When you can find a third position on which you agree, then you don't have conflict, but agreement. The more you concentrate on what you agree on, the easier it is to resolve conflict.

Since the beginning of time, HR and Payroll had been at each other's throats.

My job was to create a single functioning team from these eight people who would rather have staged a war than a party.

I brought them all into a room. First, we agreed all of the tasks we needed to do in the new department (not who would do them). We agreed the procedures which would need to change so that they could function more smoothly.

We agreed on team behaviours (don't leave the photocopier jammed before you leave, say good morning when you arrive). We agreed on our team purpose. We agreed how we'd answer the phone.

When we'd agreed on so much that we knew each other well enough to disagree pleasantly, then we began to talk about the "real issues".

Surprisingly, most of the real issues had melted away. Instead of hours of fighting and namecalling, we dealt with it all in a single meeting. We'd agreed on so much, we respected each other; they found it easy to move forward.

Start with what you have in common.

The rest will follow.


My work peace‐keeping action What the issue is:

What they would agree with me on (hint: chunk high – start at the big conceptual picture, and then go down). • We need to fix it • It’s helping no one • It’s easier when there’s no conflict • We’re all working for the same objective

Something else?

How / When I’ll talk to them about the issue:

The attitude I’ll take with me:

Who I can get to help – (someone neutral or on their side would be a good idea)


Keeping your body tuned

Energy levels Our energy levels as trainers can profoundly influence the energy levels of our audience. Think about how you already manage your energy in these areas:

Protein Too much carbohydrate can be short term energy. Understand Glycemic Index and which foods will give you sustained energy over time (high GI foods are good for energy bursts, low GI foods are good for longer term). Try googling Low GI for plenty of suggestions on how to substitute low GI foods for high ones. Try protein shakes / protein supplements like Sustagen for easy to prepare sustenance for long training days. Avoid cakes and chocolates while you are training.

Water Hydration helps your brain to think. Make it a habit to drink water at breaks. Avoid caffeine or tannin (in tea), because they dehydrate. Make sure your caffeine levels are at their normal heights (don’t have less or more caffeine than usual), because this can also affect your energy levels.

Alignment If you have problems with your neck, back, spine, shoulder, any alignment issues, get them seen to be a qualified person (physiotherapy, osteopathy, chiropractic, massage, whatever). The more aligned and balanced your body is, the easier it is to think.

Number of steps If you are an active, walk around the room trainer, you can be doing a lot more steps in the classroom (my average day is 6,000 – 10,000 steps; a full day’s training can be up to 30,000 steps). Consider wearing a pedometer to compare non‐training with training days, and adjust your footwear and your expectations accordingly (if you feel tired after a training, maybe it’s because you’ve been working physically as well as mentally!)

Sub‐contracting the energy If you are consistently feeling tired, consider restructuring some exercises so the participants do more work than you do: • Get them to present some of the “lecture” format work (give them the material ahead of time, or

give them some time to prepare) • Consider giving them some ‘research’ to report back on, and combine with an “open space” or

“café conversations” style session • As a recap / review mechanism have them construct questions (with answers) and run it like a

game show (with prizes)

Collect other ways to “sub contract” the energy in the room to your cause!


The Brain Gym 7 minute tune up Do it daily for best results


The Brain Gym ‐ some background13

1. Water drink some Hydrate yourself.

2. Belly Breathing 4 8 breaths Place your hands on your abdomen. Exhale through your mouth in short little puffs, as if you are keeping a feather in the air, until your lungs feel empty. Now inhale deeply, filling yourself like a balloon beneath your hand. (By arching your back slightly, you can take in even more air.) Then slowly and fully exhale. Repeat this inhalation and exhalation, establishing a natural rhythm, during the course of three or more breaths.

What Belly Breathing Does Belly Breathing improves the supply of oxygen to the entire body, especially the brain, via the blood. It relaxes the central nervous system while increasing your energy level. Diaphragmatic breathing has been found to improve both reading and speaking abilities.

3. Brain Buttons look right and left as you massage the points for 4 8 breaths Rest one hand over your navel. With the thumb and fingers of the other hand, feel for the two hollow areas under the collarbone about one inch out from the centre of the chest, where the collarbone meets the sternum. Rub these areas vigorously for 30 seconds to one minute, as you look left to right and right to left.

What Brain Buttons Do Brain Buttons stimulate the carotid arteries that supply freshly oxygenated blood to the brain. They help re‐establish directional messages from parts of the body to the brain and the visual system, thus improving the brain's "cross‐talk" for reading, writing, speaking, or following directions.

4. Cook's hookups Part 1 ‐ Relax for 4 ‐ 8 breaths ‐ maybe review areas of stress and consider possible alternatives Sit in a chair, resting your left (or right, whichever is more comfortable) ankle on top of your right (or left) knee. Grasp your ankle with your opposite hand, and the ball of your foot with your same side hand. As you inhale, place your tongue flat against the roof of your mouth, about one‐quarter of an inch behind your front teeth. Relax your tongue as you exhale. Close your eyes and rest in this posture, enjoying deep relaxation for four to eight complete breaths. Part 2 ‐ for 4 ‐ 8 breaths Uncross your legs, placing your feet flat on the floor. Lightly join the fingertips of both hands together, as though enclosing a ball. Keep your eyes closed as you continue to lift your tongue on the inhalation and lower it on the exhalation, relaxing in this position during the course of four to eight complete breaths.

What Cook's Hook‐ups DO Wayne Cook, an expert on electromagnetic energy, developed Cook's hook‐ups. Part One simultaneously connects all the energy circuits in the body and stimulates the movement of any blocked energy. Touching the fingertips in Part two balances and connects the two hemispheres of the brain. This strengthens the body's electromagnetic energy, especially in stressful or unusual environments like those that include computers, fluorescent lights, television, or air conditioning. Reported benefits are an increased vitality, improved self‐concept, and an enhanced sense of personal boundaries.

13 Learn more about the 7 minute tune up and the Brain Gym by reading Dennison, Dennison and Teplitz


5. Brain Integration Movement (visual squash) 4 8 breaths Extend your arms with the left brain in the left hand, and the right brain in the right, and bring them together as you bring the two hands together, integrating into the head/heart as you imagine working with both sides of the brain switched on. 6. Positive Points ‐ hold them for 4 ‐ 8 breaths ‐ maybe use this time to plan your day The Positive Points are located above the centre of each eyebrow and halfway to the hairline. You might find a slight bulge at each point. Lightly place three fingers of each hand on these points. (Some people, when holding their own points, will prefer to cross their hands so that the right hand goes to the left side of the forehead.) Close your eyes and hold the points lightly during the course of six to ten slow, complete breaths. You can hold your own Positive Points or have a partner hold them for you. To further release stress, hold the points while reviewing the stress‐producing situation and considering alternative possibilities.

What Positive Points Do The Positive Points are acupressure points specifically known for diffusing the fight‐or‐flight reflex, thus releasing emotional stress. Touching these points transfers the brain response to stress from the mid‐brain to the front part of the brain (the frontal lobe), allowing a more rational response.

7. Cross Crawl 10 25 reps Standing, "march" in place, alternately touching each hand to the opposite knee. Continue during the course of four to eight complete, relaxed breaths. A variation of this movement can be done sitting down.

What Cross Crawling does Cross Crawl activates both brain hemispheres simultaneously. It engages the brain for co‐ordinating visual, auditory, and kinesthetic abilities, thus improving such skills as listening, reading, writing, and memory.


New Behaviour Generator

1. Identify the behaviour2. Identify someone who has this behaviour (and

does it well)

3. Run a movie of the person doing thebehaviour (notice your SMDs)

4. Run the same movie, dissociated, withyou in the role of doing (same SMDs) (oryour head on their body)

5. Run the movie again, associated

6. Future pace, run againif necessary


Anchoring

Anchors14

Anchor Response

Waving

Telephone Ringing

Cough

Perfume

Smell of Chicken Frying

Door Slams

Fingernails on Blackboard

Food on a Plate

Smile

Clenched Fist

Chair Seat

Itch

Alarm Clock

Handshake

Hand on your arm

Pillow against head

Sneeze

Untied Shoelace

Factory Whistle

Coffee Perking

Newspaper

Cigarette Smoke

Television

What would be an example of an auditory digital anchor?

14 This exercise comes from Marvell‐Mell, page 82 ‐ 83


Home noticing Over the next few days, notice the anchors you respond to. Fill in this table

Anchor Rep system Response


Satir Categories – another type of anchor Virginia Satir distinguished same classes of gesture in her family therapy sessions. These are universals in human behaviour. They are known as the Satir Categories. Notice how your meaning, intonation and message changes when you say the same words using the different gestures. Try each gesture category while saying "You did a good job" or "You're fired". Consider your hands as a potential choreographed element of your training Blamer ‐ Directive – use to get people to do something ‐ Point out someone or indicate something – has Authority Placator ‐ I am unarmed / defenceless / go easy on me, don’t shoot the messenger Distracter – Flirtation / play, separates other gestures


Language for Trainers

Finishing a day of training15 These quotes are from a live seminar given by Bandler and Grinder in the late 1970s. They are all from the same seminar. The paragraph numbers are there to allow you to refer to the different sections.

Bandler and Grinder said… They could have said…

1. If you felt that we were moving too fast today, covering more material than you could assimilate at the conscious level let me reassure you that you are right. That’s a deliberate part of the technique that we have evolved in doing this kind of instruction, understanding that your unconscious mind will represent for you anything that you missed consciously. We thank your unconscious mind for its attentions, and ask that your unconscious mind make use of a naturally occurring set of states that is going to happen later on for you tonight

We did a lot today. You probably feel overwhelmed and tired. Sorry, we've got to do that to get through the material.

2. Sometime this evening you are going to go to sleep. During sleep and dreaming, natural integrative processes go on all the time in very dramatic and interesting ways. Sometimes you remember the content of such dreams. Sometimes you do not. That’s irrelevant with respect to the integrative function that dreaming has. I call upon your unconscious minds, during the natural integrative processes of dreaming and sleep tonight to make use of that opportunity to sort through the experiences of today. Your unconscious can select and represent those portions of what we or someone else did that were effective in eliciting certain responses that you would like to add to your repertoire.

I hope you don't have too many nightmares from all this stirring up of your minds. If you do it could make you even more tired tomorrow, so I hope not.

3. So your unconscious can sort through the experiences of today, both the ones you were aware of and the ones that were going on outside of your awareness, and store in some useful form whatever it believes would be useful additions to your repertoire, so that in the days and weeks and months to come, you can discover yourself evolving your own behaviour, coming up with new choices appropriate for your needs in contexts, and doing things that you learned here without even knowing about it.

Of course, I hope you've learnt some good stuff, and you'll remember bits of it. I just hope they make sense when you look back.

4. At the same time as you're having these bizarre and unusual dreams, we call upon your unconscious to ensure that you sleep soundly, and that you will awaken rested and refreshed, and join us here to being the seminar tomorrow morning in this room.

See you here tomorrow.

15 Grinder and Bandler, 1981, page 97


Oops, we've run out of time…16 These segments are different ways Bandler and Grinder chose to bring people back from exercises where the time limit had been reached. Compare them to how it could have been said.

Bandler and Grinder said… They could have said…

5. We’ve worked very, very hard and a lot of things have been stirred up at the unconscious level that are extremely useful in a positive way. Over the next days and weeks, you will notice understanding emerging from your unconscious. As a result of beginning to put things together here, you will notice changes, alterations in your behaviour that will delightfully surprise you. And now, as you gather all the parts of yourself that have expressed themselves today, once again into yourself, you can sense the energy that they represent made available to your unconscious mind, to continue these processes which we have begun here, in a meaningful way…

Oops, we've run out of time. Just see what you can do to hurry up and finish. Thanks.

6. During the afternoon, as your unconscious mind continues to work hard to find and test the various possible solutions, in order to find the one which most uniquely fits your needs as a total organism, leaving you free at the conscious level to go about the rest of your day in safety and perform adequately any tasks that you intend to. So as your unconscious mind continues this work, your conscious mind will attend to the tasks of the day and your own safety.

Oops, we've run out of time. You'll know what to do with this.

7. Now, we’ve worked hard here today, and we’ve stirred up a lot of things inside you. So I want you to be particularly alert and sensitive to those behavioural changes which will occur over the next two‐week period until we get together again, which are the direct result of the marvellous work that you’ve doing here today. And don’t be too surprised to discover how radical these changes are – but appropriate to your particular needs.

Oops, we've run out of time. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

8. Now I would like the opportunity to join you once again, allow yourself to finish… those important and meaningful things… that have been made available to you… during this process.. draw from your experience any sense of refreshment, and renewal, available, and return here, at your own rate, rejoining me here in this room, to begin the next phase of the seminar.

Oops, we've run out of time. Quick, come on back

16 Grinder and Bandler, 1981, page 121ff


Closing day one of a culture‐change conference17 Settling yourself in the chair now, and paying attention to your breathing. Noticing that just as you breathe in, and breathe out, so you're getting more settled. Keep on noticing that breath in, and breath out, and recognise as you do, the feeling of the chair against the back of your legs, how your feet make contact with the floor, and listen to the sounds in the room. You've experienced a few different exercises this afternoon, and now you're ready to bring them all together and make sense of them. You've just had afternoon tea, and a little discussion, and this means you're able to commit to a new way of doing things. In a moment, I'm will ask you to take yourself into the future, into that future only a few years from now, when the entire organisation is the fastest growing Fast Moving Consumer Goods organisation in Australasia. You know where it is. Even now, as you think about that time, you can allow yourself to imagine that future, in full colour. Full sense‐surround sound. Sense what it's like to be part of a winning team. We didn't come here for the silver. We came for the gold. Really put yourself there, where you are creating unprecedented growth, natural, business growth. You will be aware of who is around you. Where you are working? Turn up the brightness, turn up the soundtrack, get a full feeling – turn up those good feelings – appreciate your ability to imagine this future and to make it a reality – what are you proud of? Turn now and look back to that day in the year 2000 when you made a commitment, decided to give it your best shot. And the time since that year 2000 where you have embodied the passion to win, the rigour that liberates, the connected creativity that this world‐wide organisation allows you. What has happened? What did you do? How well you cascaded the information out to your teams and your staff, so they were informed. How easily you continued to reinforce the Enterprise culture – the passion to win, the liberating rigour, the connected creativity – in all of the work you did with your colleagues, yourself and your staff – your actions speaking louder than your words The systems you put in place to support the ideas and innovations coming from your business stream. The ways you encouraged cross‐functional inspiration The ways you took action, got your hands dirty, patted people on the back And even as you bring yourself back to now and realise that it’s just a matter of making a decision to do it. (Finish with visual squash) Take all the fears of the past in one hand, hopes for the future – in the other hand, bring them together – and make that decision – now is your time to make a commitment. Write it on your paving stone, as we lay the path to the future.

17 Designed for a corporate client in December 2000, by Cindy Tonkin.


How to use the Milton Model

Milton Model – an amplifier The Milton Model is a way to amplify the communication between you and your training audience. It gives you ways to soften your requests, and invite people to be part of the group activities. It ignites curiosity, captivates the learner’s imagination. The Milton model allows the unconscious mind to work in concert with the conscious mind, so that each learner has their own experience of the training, and can effectively learn more than you are (consciously) teaching them.

Milton Model – an overview The Milton model is a series of language patterns originally modeled from the language patterns of Milton H. Erickson, the “father” of modern clinical hypnotherapy. The Milton Model works effectively in three simple steps: • Involve the listener • Distract the Conscious Mind • Speak directly to the unconscious mind.

You'll find a table on page 45. It gives you an overview of the model. This will be useful when you're revising the different elements of the Model, or seeking to expand what you already know. Let's look at the first step, involving the listener.

Step 1: Involve the listener Involving the listener includes these ideas: • tell stories • pace and (lead) • use the rep systems

Tell Stories • Deep Metaphor (they make their own meaning ‐ e.g. the tomato plant) • Shallow Metaphor (you spell out the parallels for them) • Referential Index Shift (they identify with the story

Use all the senses • Visual • Auditory • Kinesthetic • Auditory‐Digital • Olfactory • Gustatory


Pace and (lead)

Simple conjunctions (and but) • So you're all here in this room and you'll find that causal linkages are easy to understand. • We're talking about suggestive language, and causal linkages are a simple way to suggest things. • You are sitting in your chair and you're ready to learn the best way you know how. • You're breathing in and out and your unconscious mind is making meaning. You are reading

these words and relaxing. • We're all human beings, and you're getting this now. • You're concentrating, and this makes it clear to you how to use a causal linkage. • This is a book with a blue cover, and it's an invaluable addition to your library. The book has 7

chapters, and they each add amazing value to your business.

Implied causatives (as, while, during, throughout, following, before, after) • As you're reading this, it's becoming clear how to suggest things. • While you've sat there now for a few hours, the Milton Model assists you to suggest things to

people. • During the whole of the NLP program, you've been paying attention, and noticing things. • After you've heard a few examples of suggestive language, these will make marvellous sense to

you. • When you've read them through, you'll be quite comfortable with causal linkages.

Direct causeeffect (makes, causes, forces, creates, allows, lets) • The fact that you're in this room today means that you are ready to learn the Milton Model. • Sitting in your chair and hearing my voice means that your unconscious mind is paying

attention. • Taking notes now forces you to remember later. • The fact that you've even picked up the book means that you know it's worth the money. As

you're leafing through it now, you're already making links to your business, and seeing the value. When you buy it, you'll be pleased. Because you've chosen to pay for it by credit card, it will force you to apply the concepts in this book to your work.

Step 2: Distract the conscious mind Step 2 is about distracting the conscious mind. It includes these ideas: • stack as many presuppositions as possible • play with the conscious mind • delete, distort and generalise (on purpose) • send them searching for meaning (on a Trans Derivational Search

(TDS))

Stack as many presuppositions as possible There are at least 8 types of presuppositions you can use easily. Which ones of these are your favourites?

Time (before, after, during, as, since, prior, when, while) Change of time (begin, end, stop, start, continue, proceed, already, yet, still, anymore)

Awareness (know, aware, realise, notice, used to presuppose the rest of the sentence) inclusive or exclusive or (will you clean your teeth before you put on your pyjamas or after?) Existence Ordinal Presuppositions (another, first, second, third) Spatial Presuppositions ( ‐ly presuppositions ‐ fortunately, luckily, innocently, happily, necessarily

You may not be surprised to find examples of these types of presuppositions in the text below!

Presuppositions of time (before, after, during, as, since, prior, when, while) • Now you're happy, what was your depression about?


• When you master presuppositions you will be so good at this. • Now, what was your problem? • Now that you have the right consultant, you'll be pleasantly surprised how quickly the issues

were solved. • do you want to sit down while we discuss this? • I’d like to discuss something with you before you complete the project • since you’ve completed the questionnaire, I will now answer all of your questions • prior to you buying the vacuum cleaner, let me show you how it works

Change of time begin, end, stop, start, continue, proceed, already, yet, still, anymore you can continue to relax are you still interested in hypnosis are you smoking still I wonder when you will begin to notice the changes going on around you

Awareness (know, aware, realise, notice, used to presuppose the rest of the sentence) • As you let your mind drift you can find happy memories, and

you'll become aware of all kinds of distinctions. • Have you even noticed how much lighter you feel just thinking

about this now? • Have you noticed how well everyone is doing with the new

productivity improvement system? • have you noticed how people in the organisation have become

more positive since the beginning of the project? • I wonder if you’ve noticed how different things are now? • are you aware of how people are smiling at you as you enter the

door each day? • You may not even yet realise how much you have learnt in the

past few hours until…

Inclusive or exclusive or • Will you paying the full amount now or just half? • What shall I do first, take your money or wrap it up for you? • Now you may have to choose between making those distinctions now or when you sleep

tonight. • I don’t know if your right or left hand will lift unconsciously • would you rather brush your teeth before or after you take a bath? • would you prefer to buy a green or a red vacuum cleaner? • Would you like to pay now or later? • I don’t know if you’d rather listen to Brahms or Mozart

Presuppositions of existence • The solution is simple. It will fit well with your career ambitions. (presupp: you have career

ambitions) • Just looking for the answer means it's possible to find one (presupp: there is an answer, and

you’re looking for it). • The purple hippopotamus is under the table (a purple hippopotamus exists) • The solution to our organisational problems is more effective communication (there is a

solution, we have organisational problems, we don’t communicate effectively enough)

Ordinal Presuppositions (another, first, second, third) • The next thing you need to do is to just notice how well you're doing. • The third reason to implement this change is that it dovetails with the strategic objectives

you're creating even as we speak. • The second answer will be an even better one. • you may wonder which side of your body will begin to relax first • after the project s completed , there will be yet another period of positive change in the

organisation


• I guess you’re wonder how the organisation will first show signs of reaping the benefits of this project

Spatial Presuppositions • Where (pointing to the sky) did you see that? • Who (pointing at self) helped you make this change?

ly words fortunately, luckily, innocently, happily, necessarily • Fortunately, there’s no need for the details of what you

want in order to help you • Luckily, I have been working with organisations doing this

work for a long time • happily, there are other organisations with similar

problems • we will necessarily have to do an analysis before beginning

the project • how deeply are you enjoying this? • how easily can you begin to relax? • how quickly can you finish this exercise? • how clearly are you focusing your mind on the task?

Play with the conscious mind Here/hear are some ways to play with the conscious mind’s just a little child using phonological ambiguities. Try: • Phonological ambiguities • Punctuational ambiguities • Syntactic ambiguities • Scope ambiguities

Phonological ambiguities18 • Everything's apart of the whole. • People like you are easy to work with. • I once knew a cobbler, he did exciting things with heeling people's shoes. They would bring

along their worn out old heels, and he would make them like new again. Sometimes even the soles of their shoes needed help. The cobbler would be sure to give them extra care and attention, because he knew how to look after tired soles.

Punctuational ambiguities • I knew a HR manager who had to weight so long for things to be ready that she started reading

an industry journal which she red. White and blue words in an article about light and its effect on people's ability to think and work effectively and as she soar above the clouds, how she could choose to be as light as a feather, weighting wasn't such an issue any more.

• Because who follows their nose that management theories are true or not, based on how we hear, there and everywhere.

• Buy (by) now you're probably ready for morning tea. Good buy(bye)

Syntactic ambiguities • I enjoy designing my training to deliver. • Hypnotising hypnotists can be tricky. • The optometrist slipped and made a spectacle of himself. • The butcher slipped and got a little behind in his work. • The Doctor was performing a vasectomy, who slipped and got the sack.

Scope ambiguities • You can easily relax and unwind.

18 You'll find a useful list of phonological ambiguities on page 47.


• She's obviously talented and happy. • The young men and women are sitting on the terrace. • They are bouncing baby boys.

Use the inverse Meta model (distortions, deletions, generalisations) • Being in this classroom is the same as asking yourself to pay attention to your own patterns. • looking at these distinctions in language means you'll use them more often. • you may be thinking that this takes a while ‐ believe me it will surprise you, pleasantly of

course, how quickly you'll be using these distinctions. • It's so simple, you'll pick it up quickly. • Obviously, it's easier when someone gives you examples in context. • You know what they say, two heads are better than one, and you can always understand it

better now. • Everyone learns more easily with practice.

Send them searching for meaning (TransDerivational Search (TDS))

create a Selectional Restriction Violation (making them do a referential index shift) • A tomato plant can feel comfortable. • My cat can find it easy to relax most of the day. • These corporate offices tell stories about people like you doing

well.

Step 3: Work with the unconscious mind Once you're involved the listener and distracted the conscious mind, you can work directly with the unconscious mind to: • ask questions • give commands • (pace) and lead

Ask questions

Tag questions • These questions are quite easy aren't they? • It's getting simpler to follow, isn't it? • The deeper we go into these patterns the more you find it easy to concentrate, don't you? • It's been so exciting to really work through the structure of suggestion, hasn't it? • You already use a lot of these, don't you? • You understand, of course, don't you?

Embedded Questions • I'm wondering if you'd like to know about embedded questions. I'd be curious to find out what

you think about them. • It would be interesting to know whether you'd answer this question. • I'd be fascinated to see if you can stand up by yourself.

Give commands

Embedded commands • You may even notice that you're finding it easy to learn now. • B(u)y now you'll be ready for a coffee break! • People like me are easy to please. • You don't know how simple it is to embed commands.

Negative commands • Don't tell me everything; only tell me what you want me to know.


• Don't have too much fun. • Don't relax too much. Don't think about how deeply you're

going into trance. • Don't think about quitting. • Don't hesitate to call. Don't be a stranger. • Don't be surprised when you get it right.

Conversational postulates • Can you do this report? • Will you be in tonight? • Are you going past my place? • Is the door shut? • Do you live in a tent? • Do you know the time? • Can you sit still? • When you've shut the door, is it possible to give me some time?

Behavioural Presuppositions • stand up (and they will) • hold your hands out as if to give applause (and they'll clap) • hold your hand out to shake theirs (and they'll put theirs out) • go to kiss them hello (and they'll usually just do it back)

Quotes • There is one Milton Model pattern which John Grinder says is the most powerful of them all. • My friends tell me to loosen up and feel comfortable when I go out. • I just met someone in the street, and do you know what he said? He said "You look great today". • I ran into a practitioner from last year's course yesterday and she said "you know you really

learn a lot in prac, about the way to influence people wisely". • I got a friend to check a consulting reference the other day, and the client said something really

great ‐ he said "The project cost me nothing. They came in, and thirteen weeks later I had enough extra money in the bank with the savings they found, that I bought a computer system with it."

(Pace and) Lead • Causal linkages • simple conjunctions (and) • Implied causative (as, during, while, throughout, following, before, after) • Direct cause‐effect (makes, causes, forces, creates, allows, lets)

See the examples on page 40. This is just the end of the sentence you began by pacing! • Of course, learning to use suggestive language will cause you to be a more effective learner. It

will force you to pay attention to how you speak, and what you suggest to people. • Sitting in your chair and breathing as you are means you're relaxing. The more you relax, the

more you'll notice these patterns already in your language. • Being in this room, taking notes as you go, this causes you to understand NLP and especially

causal linkages so easily. • Just attending a practitioner course forces you to be better at Milton Language patterns.

The more the more • The more you read these examples, the more you'll notice how natural Milton language is. • The more the music goes on the more you'll be able to use this pattern. • The closer you get to mastery of these patterns, the easier they become, and the simpler it is to

make changes. • The more you work with consultants, the easier your corporate change becomes. • The more time you spend briefing your consultant, the faster the project is completed.


Summary of the three steps of the Milton Model

Step 1: Involve the Listener Pattern Name in NLP literature

Tell Stories 1. Selectional Restriction Violation causing a Referential Index Shift (get them to identify with the story to make sense of it) using deep or shallow metaphor

Referential Index Shift / Selectional Restriction Violation

Use all the senses

1. Visual (seeing) 2. Auditory (hearing) 3. Kinesthetic (feeling) 4. Auditory-Digital (self-talking) 5. Olfactory (smelling) 6. Gustatory (tasting)

Representational systems / Predicates

Pace & Lead 1. Simple conjunction (and/but) (universals and truisms) 2. Implied causative (time passing) (as, during, while, throughout, following, before, after) 3. Direct cause-effect (makes, causes, forces, creates, allows, lets)

Causal Linkages

Step 2: Distract the conscious mind Pattern Name in NLP literature

Stack as many Presuppositions as possible

1. Time 2. Cause effect 3. Awareness 4. Inclusive/exclusive or

5. Existence 6. Possibility 7. Ordinal 8. Spatial

Presuppositions

Play with the conscious mind 1. Phonological Ambiguities 2. Punctuational Ambiguities

3. Syntactic Ambiguities 4. Scope Ambiguities Indirect Elicitation Patterns


Pattern Name in NLP literature

Send them searching for meaning (TDS) Selectional Restriction Violation, Causing a TDS Referential Index Shift / Selectional Restriction Violation

Delete, distort and generalise on purpose Use the meta model violations (delete, distort and generalise) Inverse meta model

Step 3: Speak directly to the unconscious mind Pattern Name in NLP literature

Ask questions Give Commands

1. Tag questions (tie downs) 2. Embedded questions (I'm wondering, fascinated, curious) 3. Embedded commands (lower, slower, louder)

indirect elicitation patterns, lesser included structures

4. Negative commands (spurious not) 5. Conversational postulates Lesser included structures analogue marking

6. Quotes Patterns in Metaphor

7. Behavioural presuppositions Behavioural Presuppositions

Pace & Lead

As for "involve the listener" (…and you're wonderful!) 1. Simple conjunction (and/but) (universals and truisms) 2. Implied causative (time passing) (as, during, while, throughout, following, before,

after) 3. Direct cause-effect (makes, causes, forces, creates, allows, lets)

Causal Linkages

4. The more the more Indirect Elicitation Patterns

© 2008 Cindy Tonkinwww.consultantsconsultant.com.au

Some phonological ambiguities19 hare / hair know / no duck

knows / no(s) / nose hart / heart deer / dear

boll / bowl / bowl pen need / knead

here / hear buy / bye nun / none

moon some / sum hi / high

fall light founder

eye / I hold waive / wave

rite / write / right know / not knight / night

so / sew to / too / two fine

nay / neigh blew / blue flew / flue

ship road / rode tire

days / daze naught / nought cow

card bowl bold / bowled

muse /mews knew / new dye / die

die train pain / pane

be / bee fast rhyme / rime

awl / all sail / sale heard / herd

wait / weight way /weigh grade / grayed

made / maid wade / weighed pale / pail

rail / rale steak / stake rein / reign / rain

plane / plain there / their bear / bare

beer / bier

• To know how to no may be the right/rite when you write about the pain/pane that you can look through to find your way to a lighter way of just being.

19 Battino and South, page 129


Matching techniques for trainers • Show of hands (try to include people – “who has”, “who hasn’t”… “who just didn’t put their hand

up”) – cover all bases • Creating universal/common experience

Laugher Story telling Valid, worthwhile experiences (in retrospect) Guilt, anxiety The weather Family / relationship Need for money / health / acceptance

• Truisms

Indisputable things “you walked in, you did found a seat, you looked around”

Truism if verifiable with senses here and now They will say “yes” inside

• Cover all bases (or not)

Never absolutes, Never assume e.g, we all had parent / parents (or not) Common experience

• Sandwich truism and an attitude “and you’re wonderful”

Universals about solving problems20

You've had this problem for some time…

It has made your life more difficult than you want…

You have tried to resolve it on your own more than once…

In fact, you've spent more time thinking about it than you'd like…

When you really think about it, it has affected other areas of your life…

And you haven't been able to know what you can do…

But you do know it is something that you can no longer ignore or put off without getting more of what you don't want…

If the time to change isn't NOW it's soon approaching…

Until now, you've wondered if you can really change this, if it's possible…

And even though you've not been able to fully succeed at overcoming it…

You may wonder what you can begin NOW to change.

20 This set of universals is taken from Overdurf and Silverthorn, page 133.


Since you already know…

Powerful presuppositions ‐ Questions every Leader should ask21 Check out the presuppositions in these suggested questions for leaders to discuss with colleagues and direct reports. Using each sentence as a model, make up a similar question which applies to your context. (hint: since all meaning is contextual, decide the context first). What has become clear since last we met?

What is the area that, if you made an improvement, would give you and others the greatest return on time, energy, and dollars invested?

What is currently impossible to do that, if it were possible, would change everything?

What are you trying to make happen in the next three months?

What's the most important decision you're facing? What's keeping you from making it?

What topic are you hoping I won't bring up?

What area under your responsibility are you most satisfied with? Least satisfied with?

What part of your responsibilities are you avoiding right now?

Who are your strongest employees? What are you doing to ensure that they're happy and motivated?

Who are your weakest employees? What is your plan for them?

21 These questions come from Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott, and are quoted on fastcompany's blog ‐ http://blog.fastcompany.com/ archives /2003/09/05/questions_every_leader_should_ask.html.


Since you already know about presupposing Fortunately, you have already begun to understand presuppositions, as soon as you put your hand out to shake someone’s hand – behavioral presuppositions assume that something is true (like the other person wants to shake hands, sit down, have a cigarette). I’m wondering if you’re even aware of how often we presuppose or assume things about situation, whether at home, or at work, when you’re paying for a meal at a restaurant or talking to a friend on the phone; I guess you’re wondering how you’ll first show signs of understanding the concept of presuppositions. Before you do, let me show you how it works. Would you rather understand some examples before you do it yourself, so easily, or afterwards? Do you know how much you have already learnt about presuppositions, how clearly your mind is focusing on the task of knowing what presuppositions are? Fortunately, there’s no need to go into too much detail about presuppositions, because you’ve already worked it out. When do you use a presupposition? When you want to assume something – that change is happening, that they’ve already decided to go along with you, that they understand what is happening. Have you stopped smoking yet? Close the door as you leave. The second thing you will learn here is…; when you’ve read this magazine cover to cover, you can order a new one from… would you like to brush your teeth before your bath or afterwards? Would you like to pack up your things before or after you’ve resigned? There are 7 types of presuppositions: read more about them on page 40 and following.

Torpedoes ‐ Making presupposing work22 Torpedoes are designed through their presuppositions to target and eradicate a problem. Design and practice your own… And as you sit there, now, your inner mind can wonder as to just how much you have changed, already, looking back on how you used to be, now, and thinking, soon, being, and what have you, will you, do differently?

After this session is over, the work that you've started will have continued to be helping in what you have already done this afternoon, now, and you may be surprised, but, then again, not, now.

And how surprised will you be, now, thinking over what has happened, then, when you soon, now, change to what you have been and had deserved?

22 Rubin and South, page 142 ‐ 143


Using artful presuppositions These phrases are typical Ericksonian statements23. These mostly apply to therapeutic statements. For this exercise, use the same pattern, and apply it to three different work situations with a colleague, boss, client or supplier. Hint: determine a context, and then make the sentences fit that situation.

Do you want to tell me what is bothering you now, or would you rather wait a while? (notice the presupposition ‐ you'll say, the only question is when)

1.

2.

3.

Don't relax too quickly now. (you're already relaxing, it's just a question of the speed at which you're doing it)

1.

2.

3.

23 Quoted in Dilts, Sleight of Mouth The Magic of Conversational Belief Change, 1999, Meta Publications page 227.


"After your symptoms have disappeared, you will notice how easy it is to stay on track with the changes you have made in your lifestyle." (presupposes your symptoms are going to disappear. Also presupposes you'll stay on track with the changes you have made in your lifestyle, the only question is noticing it).

1.

2.

3.

"Since you are going to be having so much fun learning at a new level, you can start looking forward to it now". (You will be learning at a new level, and having fun at it. Also presupposed that you will be looking forward to it, the only question is when you start)

1.

2.

3.

Do you want to _________ now or a little later?

1.

2.

3.


There is no need to _________ too quickly.

1.

2.

3.

After you have finished _________, you will realise how easy it is to _________.

1.

2.

3.

Since you _________ , you may as well (start/finish) _________.

1.

2.

3.


Presuppositions and debriefing meetings and exercises It's important to notice how you set yourself up for replies when debriefing meetings, exercises or activities with your teams and peers. What are the presuppositions of these sentences? In what context would each be useful?

Sentence Presupposes Useful in what context

How did you find it?

How will you use it?

What did that mean?

What else can you relate this to?

Did you understand?

Do you want to go home?

You must be tired, stressed, exhausted

Please don’t hesitate to call

And your own better ways Perhaps you can imagine some other ways to say these things which will give you different outcomes in training: If you want people to think harder about the meaning of the exercise or meeting, if you want them to take action afterwards, how could you rephrase these questions? Choose just 3 of the sentences above and re‐phrase them to give you a different (better) outcome in your context.

Original phrase Another way


Frames and reframes

All meaning is contextual ‐ reframing and dissolving issues Reframing is about "dissolving" a problem. People do it to themselves all the time – when they look back on a bad experience (divorce, death of a loved one, losing a job) after time has passed, they consider it as a positive milestone – but they rarely consider it positive when it’s happening. When you ask the right questions and lead appropriately, a problem can become a non‐problem (or an opportunity!). Use reframing can: • Make work go away • Get clients to fit work into existing programs • Answer the question you really want to address (rather than the question presenting) • Make you (your boss, your client, your team) feel more optimistic and in control.

Reframing works on one big principle – find the positive or the hidden meaning. Do this by: • Changing the context in which the event occurs (e.g. go bigger, change the time frame, change

the environment) • Make the content mean something else (see below)

Here are some examples:

Margaret Mead's hate mail One day… [Margaret Mead] discovered that I was hypersensitive to a degree that bordered on the ridiculous. I had received a letter attacking me and was about to throw over all of my work, since my attacker obviously knew what a nincompoop I really was. "Fiddlesticks, Jean. Hate mail has many remarkable uses. Here, I'll show you. You commented earlier on how tired I seemed, and you're right. I am. But watch!" She went over to a file and pulled out a letter from ten years earlier. As she read, her face turned scarlet with anger, and her breath quickened, "Aaaarrrgh!" she raged, as she finished. "Are you all right, Margaret?"

"Certainly I'm all right, I got my energy back, didn't I?"24

This example changes the content – making it mean something different

Jack Welch's stutter Jack Welch's mother told him the reason he stuttered was simply because his mind was so quick his mouth couldn't keep up. He never considered this an obstacle to his success.


Cabaret "a close up of the face of an angelic looking young boy who is singing in a beautiful voice. The image appears sweet and wholesome. As the camera begins to pan back, however, we see that the boy is wearing a military uniform. Next, we see that he is wearing an arm band containing a swastika. As the frame size gets larger and larger, we eventually see that the boy is singing at a huge Nazi rally. The meaning and feeling conveyed by the image is completely changed by the information coming from the changes in the frame."25

24 Jean Houston, A Mythic Life, Harper Collins, 1996 Pages 244‐5 25 Dilts, Sleight of Mouth, Page 35.


This example changes the context

From Will and Grace Grace has slept with 28 men, for a total of around 300 "incidents". Her partner, Nathan, has slept with five partners, for a total of around 4500 incidents. Grace is worried about it, and talks to her friend Karen. "Having so many partners for such little sex just means people just don't like sleeping with you", Karen tells Grace. Grace goes off to get sexier. Moments later, Nathan comes in, and speaks to Karen about the same facts. "Oh, I wouldn't worry", Karen tells him, "having had so much more sex than Grace just means that sex is all you have to offer women". Nathan goes off to begin telling Grace more about his inner life. Same fact, at least two different interpretations, or frames.


Reframing practice26 Practice reframing these sentences:

I'm too hardworking

She's too trusting

I find it hard to say no/yes

My boss never smiles… he doesn't like me.

My boss never compliments me ‐ she doesn't appreciate my work.

Learning new things is much too hard

I don't know how to stop overworking / relax / learn new things

You don’t trust me

You don’t challenge me enough

You’re not showing clear leadership

This organisation has no vision

This place is in the dark ages

26 These exercises come from Battino and South, page 157 ‐ 158


Framing the process It’s not what you say, but what context you put around it, that makes the difference.

Grinder and McMaster27 came up with these conversational frames to manage meetings and group events more effectively. Pay attention to which ones are your "favourites" and which ones you don't use so much. Which are you most susceptible to?

Backtrack frame The backtrack frame is classic reflective listening: “so what you’re saying is...” review the content, rephrasing or paraphrasing what has just been said gives the other person the opportunity to be heard and understood can reflect back to them information about what they’re saying that they may not have been aware of • ..”so you’re saying you were really angry that your boss didn’t listen?” • “Angry? No, only mildly annoyed”. • “Well you grit your teeth every time you mention him”. • “I didn’t realise that… I suppose you’re right, I’m angry”

Relevance frame The relevance frame is about Challenging the relevance of what is being said – how does what you’re saying relate to what we’re saying • 3 unchallenged irrelevancies can ruin an

entire meeting • setting a context for what is relevant ‐

setting an agenda • keeps meetings or conversations on track

Once the relevance frame is set, it is clear when irrelevant things are being brought into the conversation, and these can be excluded, or made the subject of another meeting

As if frame28 An as if frame is a way of going into the future and accessing future possibilities • act as if or be as if • can give insight into process rather than content • can allow someone to fake it till they make it • part of a new behaviour generator

in a training or visioning session, it can be useful to get people to act as if something were true (e.g. if there are skeptics in the audience, or if you are doing a visioning/future workshop, or where there is a need to talk about contingency planning)

27 Grinder and McMaster explain each of these frames in Precision; there is a 3‐page appendix at the back of the book that summarises all of them. The book is currently out of print. You can find a summary in Hall, 1998, Page 86. 28 See also the Enneagram and NLP, Linden and Spalding, appendix 4

● ● ● It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than think yourself into a new way of acting

Dr Martyn Newman Emotional Capitalists: The New Leaders

● ● ●


Open frame An open frame invites people to ask any questions at all • brings out questions they may not otherwise ask • in training sessions where issues not relevant to other parts of the

training session may come up, or after integration of information, when new questions may come up

• as regular part of staff meetings • the group equivalent of an “open door policy”

Discovery frame A discovery frame is a frame without outcome • the dreamer phase (from the Disney pattern) • setting up for exploration • market research, brainstorming, and some visioning/future scan

workshops fit into this type of frame

Outcome frame Outcome frames are about making sure that whatever you do, do it on purpose • setting an objective, an endpoint, a direction for a meeting, a training session, a team.

Contrast frame Contrast frames help in understanding things by what they are not – where desired state is not the present states • contrasting two things • before and after fat photos or makeovers, data about where we’ve been, and where we’re going

Ecology frame The ecology frame is about consequences. An ecology frame:

• ensures that what happens is going to be OK for all concerned, that the negative consequences have been eliminated, or don’t exist

• is important at the beginning of any work with a client, strongly associated with taking the brief and forming a Well formed outcome with them ‐ e.g. Change the warehouse organisation and outsourced part of it. How will this affect other departments, customer service, billing?

It’s about minimising side‐effects.

Agreement frame 29 The agreement frame is about what we agree on. It always begins with an and, not but • pattern: I agree with you, and I agree this… and my point of view is… • setting up what is actually agreed on ‐ important pre‐negotiations ‐ we agree to agree that we

agree long term • important in spatial reframes ‐ that parts agree to do their best to go for the higher outcome

29 see also Frogs into Princes – Bandler and Grinder, Bandler and Grinder, pp 175 ff, Reframing Bandler and Grinder, p 162.


Absurdity frame The absurdity frame pushes the example to the extreme and making it a counter example • exaggeration or context mismatch, where something is made to look absurd • can cause people to take a bigger perspective on their particular problem

So let’s use this Which of these frames are most useful to you?

Which do you use all of the time?

Which new ones will you try at your next opportunity?

Test it out Choose 1 or 2 and take them to your next meeting or training. Test them out. Notice the results. Debrief here. Which frames did you use?

What worked when you used them?

What will you keep in mind for next time you use them?

Which frames will you try next?


Influencing groups

Stand up!30 Presenting vs talking – your audience is 43% more likely to persuaded if you present, rather than just talk. At Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania, they did some research. Group A told their story sitting down talking across the table. When it was over, 58% said “I will sign up for that business proposition”. Group B used the same facts, the same numbers, same statistics. Everything was identical with 2 exceptions: First the presenter stood up, and second the presenter used visual aids. Now not 58% but 79% said “I will sign up”. The presenters who stood up and used visual aids was perceived as • More professional • More persuasive • More credible • More interesting • Better prepared.

If you stand up and give a presentation, your client will be willing to pay 26% more for the same product or service.

Use Visual aids! Learning improves by 200%31

Retention improves by 38%32

You can explain complex subjects between 25% and 40% more quickly.33

Be passionate and involve them! More important than having a great idea is figuring out how to sell it to the boss ‐ especially in a culture that's not too keen to accept your idea.

Stanford's Roderick Kramer and UC‐Davis' Kimberly Elsbach34 looked at how ideas are successfully sold. Here's what they discovered they were more effective: • the more passionate the person pitching the idea was • the better the pitcher was at drawing in the person on the other side of

the table, • when they convinced the idea catchers that they had something to do

with the crafting or improving of the idea itself.

30 From David A. Peoples, Presentations Plus, techniques that work from the experts expert, Wiley, 1992 31 University of Wisconsin study, Peoples (1992), p. 6 32 Harvard and Columbia studies, Peoples (1992) p. 6 33 Wharton School of Business, peoples (1992) p. 6 34 http://www.gsb.stanford.edu/news/research/ob_pitchingideas.shtml

● ● ● 43% more likely to persuaded if you present, rather than just talk ● ● ●

● ● ● More likely to convince if the “idea catchers” feel they had something to do with its crafting ● ● ●


Cialdini's Six Influence principles35 Robert Cialdini saw himself as a “Patsy”. Wanted to discover what was behind the "mindless click whirr" decision‐making as a consumer. He studied “compliance professionals”; Amway, encyclopedia sales, real estate sales, vacuum cleaners sales, fund raisers, recruiters, advertisers – took entry level jobs, read manuals, observed, and then backed it all up with psych experiments He discovered six principles:

liking social proof authority reciprocity scarcity commitment and consistency

Liking People like things associated with people they like. • Joe Girard (Guinness book of world records for

selling the most cards) sends 13k cards each month, “I like you” is all that's written inside.

• Association with something they like ‐ young men rated sports cars with beautiful women on the bonnets faster, more expensive looking and better designed (than those without women), but later refused the presence of the woman made any difference

• Familiarity counts – faces flashed on screen, people liked the ones they saw, even though no recollection of seeing them

• psych experiments plant "lost" wallets". People return wallets 33% of time when the person is different in ethnicity / class than them, 70% when similar

• Good cop bad cop is about liking

How I already use Liking

How I will use it more

Social Proof Principle is that if others are doing it, there must be something in it. • Canned laughter in sitcoms makes people laugh alone in their lounge room – it's even more

effective with poor jokes • This is why Testimonials work

How I already use Social Proof


35 From Robert B. Cialdini, PhD, Influence, the Psychology of Persuasion, William Morrow, 1993


Authority People with authority are more likely to be right • Titles – when told someone is a professor they estimate him to be 2.5” taller than when they're

told he's a student • Clothes – 3.5 times more like to jay walk following a man in a

well‐tailored business suit, than a person in “normal” clothes • Doesn’t have to be real, just have the connotations – actor who

played Dr. Marcus Welby selling coffee • using authority and liking – Vincent the waiter who got the most

tips – his techniques to talk down early parts of the dinner (no, don't take that, it's more expensive, and this cheaper one is better quality and tastes better) gains trust, then talks up on the expensive things – wine, dessert, port.

How I already use Authority


Reciprocity You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. • Joe did a small, unsolicited favour for people – people for whom he did a favour bought twice as

many raffle tickets from him as the people he didn’t do a favour for • Mail appeal for donations, response 18%, but 35% with a gift • Estate agent – buys you a bottle of wine, or lunch; you buy a $500k house

How I already use Reciprocity


Scarcity If there's only a few left, I’d better get in quick! • Turquoise stones weren't selling.

Owner of store left hand written note which her assistant misinterpreted. Instead of halving the price, she doubled it. On the


owner's return, all had sold (we assume if it’s higher price, there’s something special about it) • Idea of potential loss is more motivating to people • Phosphate free detergents were banned in some American states – people hoarded, smuggled,

and rated the detergents they couldn’t have as more effective, etc, even though in fact they weren't

• Information is more persuasive if it’s unavailable elsewhere (secret, inside information) • Cookies in a jar – people are prepared to buy more, and pay more for the cookie in the almost

empty jar than the cookies in the full one.

How I already use Scarcity


Commitment and consistency If you said you do it, you'll follow through. People keep their word. • low‐balling – client agrees to a cheap price, then sales

person comes back, sorry my boss says no. They’ve agreed to buy so they go ahead with the sale anyway

• after betting, people are more confident than before they lay their bet

• when you ask someone to mind your things on the beach 19 /20 people challenge someone approaching them. If you don't ask, just leave things there, only 4/20 challenged.

• Encyclopedia Company enhanced buyer remorse figures by getting customer to sign filled in application. improved even more when they filled out their own form in their own handwriting and signed the bottom.

• goals written down more likely to be attained • competitions to state Why I like product X – public commitments are public commitments ‐

people need to follow • What would you say if I asked, then ask (they'll do as they said they'll do) • Phone calls asking for donations to charity. If they asked How are you feeling first and got a

positive response, 32% of people agreed to have someone visit their home and sell them cookies (normal success rate is 15%), and then 89% bought ‐ an exploitable public commitment

• If it involves more effort to get it, then people want it more

How I already use Authority



Make it work I will add this to my current practice:

I will make this change to my current practice


Leveraging the Wisdom of Crowds36 There are 4 conditions under which "the crowd" performs better than experts: • diversity of opinion • independence (use the private knowledge they have) • decentralised • aggregated

Teams and Communities aren't diverse Consider this in light of team and community building in the workplace • "the more influence a group's members exert on each other, and the more personal contact they

have with each other, the less likely it is that the group's decisions will be wise ones" (p. 42) “a large group of diverse individuals will come up with better and more robust forecasts and more intelligent decisions than even the most skilled “decision maker” (p 32).

• Diversity means people have separate “private information” – facts, interpretation, analysis, intuition – the quickest ways to make people’s judgement systematically biased is to make them dependent on each other for information

• need for the devil's advocate

Experts have their place • "groups are better at deciding between possible solutions to a problem than they are at coming

up with them" (p. 60)

Making boards and management teams more successful Things to be aware of with boards and management teams: • "group deliberations are more successful when they have a clear

agenda and when leaders take an active role in making sure that everyone gets a chance to speak" (p. 182)

• "in unstructured, free‐flowing discussions, the information that tends to be talked about the most is, paradoxically, the information that everyone already knows". (p. 183)

• group polarisation – “deliberation does not moderate but rather radicalises people's point of view" i.e. goes from risky to riskier; from large to larger (p. 184)

• "There is no point in making small groups part of a leadership structure if you do not give the group a method of aggregating the opinions of its members (p. 190)

• “[evidence from studies of mock juries shows] the presence of a minority viewpoint, all by itself, makes a group’s decisions more nuanced and its decision‐making process more rigorous”

If you want to influence a group: • earlier comments are more influential: once a framework is in

place, it’s difficult for a dissenter to break it down

can start an information cascade i.e. people stop paying attention to what they think themselves (their private info), and pay more attention to what others think

can start group polarising (one end or the other – but your initial contribution is one of the 2 ends)

• higher status people talk more (and therefore influence more), even if they don’t know what they're talking about, and the more someone talks the more they are talked to “if you talk a lot in a group, people will tend to think of you as influential almost by default” (p 187) (although there is no clear correlation between talkativeness and expertise)

36 The Wisdom of Crowds Why the Many are Smarter than the Few, James Surowiecki published by Little, Brown, 2004

● ● ● group deliberations are more successful when they have a clear agenda and when leaders take an active role in making sure that everyone gets a chance to speak ● ● ●


• “if a “deviant” individual finds a single ally, or an individual who disagrees with both positions [they can be renewed]… a splinter of perceived support may be enough to turn silent objectors into outspoken dissidents”37 (so speak up if you support a sinking idea!)

Switching people on using the wisdom of crowds • “the search for consensus encourages tepid, lowest‐common‐denominator solutions which

offend no one rather than exciting everyone… consensus driven groups… tend to trade in the familiar and squelch provocative debate” ” p. 203

• “The more responsibility people have for their own environments, the more engaged they will be”. Two groups of people asked to work on puzzles and proofread while loud, random noises recurred in the background. One group was given a button to turn off the sound. The group with the button solved 5 x as many puzzles, and made significantly fewer proofreading errors. No member of the group actually hit the button. “allowing people to make decisions about their own working conditions often makes a material difference in how they perform” p212

• If you are trying to leverage the wisdom of crowds, you need to make sure you don’t provide too much pre‐frame information – the more extraneous information people are given collectively, the more it skews their perspective

Collaboration • Collaborating scientists are more productive, producing “better”

science, than individual investigators38. The more productive and better known a scientist is, the more frequently they work with others. Nobel laureates collaborate more often than regular scientists.

• This is Newton’s “standing on the shoulders of giants” • Even scientists whose hypotheses fail are helping their peers, by letting them know where they

do not need to go • Science is simultaneously intensely competitive and intensively collaborative. • “in Science, one’s private property is established by giving its substance away”39

37 Jean Lipman‐Blumen The Allure of Toxic Leaders – Why we follow destructive bosses and corrupt politicians – and how we can survive them Oxford University Press 2005 p. 45 38 Economist Paula Stephan, quoted in Wisdom of Crowds, p 162 39 Sociologist of Science, Robert K Merton, quoted in Wisdom of Crowds, page 167

● ● ● Nobel laureates collaborate more often than regular scientists ● ● ●


Using Story

Stories – for high stakes communication Stories are like slowed down bullets in the Matrix film40 they slow the action down so we can see decisions as they get made, instead of just the results of the decision

In one sense, storytelling is simply giving an example41. Because information is free (Google, the web, etc), it’s story which connects the information and is valuable. A picture paints 1000 words, a metaphor paints 1000 pictures42. We have more wisdom than we use. We don’t need more facts –we need help finding our wisdom.

Use story for high stakes communications: Conferences, face to face, unit meetings, presentations, webinars, Web‐based stories to communicate things like: leadership, strategic selling, motivating people, corporate strategy, ethics, coaching and feedback, teamwork, negotiating, client delight, business acumen, process changes, systems implementation, new employee orientation43.

40 Craig Wortmann, What’s your story? – page 44 41 Stephen Denning The Leader’s Guide to Storytelling 42 Dan Pink A Whole New Mind 43 Wortmann, page 52

● ● ● Who says: “you are never going to believe the power point presentation I just saw!!

Craig Wortmann What’s your Story?

● ● ●

● ● ● Facts are neutral until human beings add their own meaning to those facts…. The meaning they add to facts depends on their current story.

People stick with their story even when presented with facts that don’t fit. They simply interpret or discount the facts to fit their story.

This is why facts are not terribly useful in influencing others.

People don’t need new facts – they need a new story

Annette Simmons The Story Factor

● ● ●


The structure of a story Tony the Carpenter bought a Holden Rodeo 12 months ago. On the way home from a job last week, another driver went through a red light and totalled the Rodeo. His insurance company is going to pay him $22,000 for the market value and his payout figure is $33,000. Fortunately, Tony bought GAP cover.

Good stories have certain things in common. They have a once upon a time where a hero (Tony) starts out (he bought a Rodeo) then suddenly something happens (he had a crash) then luckily something else happens (he had gap cover) so he lives happily ever after.

Sometimes of course the ending isn’t a happy one. When this is true, there is usually a lesson instead of a luckily as the happily ever after:

I got really busy, and I left the board report till the last minute. When I finally got to it I discovered that there was a lot of data which needed more consultation. I was extremely frustrated. My boss was annoyed too. So now I make time at least one week before the report is due to look over what is involved.

Once upon a time a hero (me) starts out (wasn’t proactive about the board report) then suddenly something happens (I discover there’s a problem and my boss and I are frustrated). In this case there is no luckily, but there is a lesson learned (so I pay attention long before it’s due) which means we learn something and live “happily ever after”.

The story formula44

Once upon a time Who was involved? Who is the “hero” (you, the customer, the boss, someone else?) How did things start?

Suddenly What happened? What was the problem or question?

Luckily (or unfortunately) How did you solve it (or not)?

Happily ever after (or a lesson) So what did we learn? If it wasn’t happy, how will it never happen again?

44 The Story Formula comes from Lori Silverman, Wake me Up when the Data is Over, Jossey Bass 2006

● ● ● Stories are shortcuts we use because we’re too overwhelmed by data to discover all the details

Seth Godin All Marketers are Liars

● ● ●


Story Matrix45

Man

agin

g up

Colla

bora

ting

Follo

w

thro

ugh

Wor

king

with

cl

ient

s

Me

Success

Failure

Fun

Legends

Future

45 Adapted from Craig Wortmann What’s Your Story


Eliciting values through story In the Leader’s Guide to Storytelling – Mastering the art and discipline of business narrative, Stephen Denning suggests asking for these sorts of stories to elicit values46. • occasions where you faced adversity • times when 2 values conflicted • what you find most satisfying in working with your company • something that showed you what your organisation is really good at • the worst thing that ever happened to you in your organisation • how a client or customer was badly treated but it eventually turned out well • your happiest day at work • something that your organisation is good at but few people know about • something that showed you what you have to do to get ahead in your organisation

or get them to tell a story about someone they admire: • someone they knew when they were growing up • someone in the organisation who has meant a lot to them • the person they admire most in your organisation • the person who is closest to them in the organisation • someone who did better in the organisation than anyone expected • someone who really taught them the ropes at the organisation

46 Denning (2005) p 144

● ● ● “No story is innocent. Stories have effects on the teller, the listener and on organisational systems”

Karen Dietz Ethics of organisational narrative work Polaris‐associates.com

● ● ●


Hypnosis using story47

About Joe Joe was a retired florist. He was in extremely severe pain and doctors said he had only a month to live when Milton Erickson came to see him. Joe couldn't talk, due to a tracheotomy. He communicated with pencil and paper. To help the pain, Joe was on strong pain killers, which were not entirely effective. Joe distrusted hypnosis, and one of his children, a medical doctor, also anti‐hypnosis, was in the room when Erickson was working with Joe. At one point, Joe's wife comes in and asks when the hypnosis will start. She realises that it has already begun, because Joe doesn't see her at all. Here is some of what Erickson said to Joe.

1. Joe, I would like to talk to you. I know you are a florist, that you grow flowers, I grew up on a farm in Wisconsin, and I liked growing flowers. I still do. So I would like to have you take a seat in that easy chair as I talk to you. I'm going to say a lot of things to you but it won't be about flowers because you know more than I do about flowers. That isn't what you want.

2. Now as I talk and I can do so comfortably, I wish that you will listen to me comfortably as I talk about a tomato plant. That is an odd thing to talk about. It makes one curious. Why talk about a tomato plant? One puts a tomato seed in the ground. One can feel hope that it will grow into a tomato plant that will bring satisfaction by the fruit it has.

3. The seed soaks up water, not very much difficulty in doing that because of the rains that bring peace and comfort and the joy of growing to flowers and tomatoes. That little seed, Joe, slowly swells, send out a little rootlet with cilia on it.

4. Now you may not know what cilia are, but cilia are things that work to help the tomato seed grow, to push up above the ground as a sprouting plan, and you can listen to me Joe so I will keep on talking and you can keep on listening, wondering, just wondering what you can really learn, and here is your pencil and your pad but speaking of the tomato plant, it grows so slowly.

5. You cannot see it grow, you cannot hear it grow, but grow it does ‐ the first little leaf‐like things on the stalk, the fine little hairs on the stem, those hairs are on the leaves too like the cilia on the roots, they must make the tomato plan feel very good, very comfortable if you can think of a plant as feeling and then, you can't see it growing, you can't feel it growing but another leaf appears on that little tomato stalk and then another.

6. Maybe, and this is talking like a child, maybe the tomato plant does feel comfortable and peaceful as it grows. Each day it grows and grows and grows, it's so comfortable Joe to watch a plant grow and not see its growth not feel it but just know that all is getting better for that little tomato plant that is adding yet another leaf and still another and a branch and it is growing comfortably in all directions.

7. And soon the tomato plant will have a bud form somewhere, on one branch or another, but it makes no difference because all the branches, the whole tomato plant will soon have those nice little buds ‐ I wonder if the tomato plan can Joe, feel really feel a kind of comfort. You know, Joe, a plant is a wonderful thing, and it is so nice, so pleasing just to be able to think about a plant as if it were a man.

8. Would such a plant have nice feelings, a sense of comfort as the tiny little tomatoes begin to form, so tiny, yet so full of promise to give you the desire to eat a luscious

47 Grinder and Bandler, 1975, page 35ff


tomato, sun ripened, it's so nice to have food in one's stomach that wonderful feeling a child, a thirsty child, has an can want a drink, Joe, is that the way the tomato plant feels when the rain falls and washes everything so that all feels well (pause) You know Joe, a tomato plant can know the fullness of comfort each day. You know, Joe, just one day at a time, for the tomato plant. That's the way for all tomato plants.

9. (Joe comes out of trance, is sweating, and the nurse gives him ice water in his drip. He asks Erickson to keep talking)

10. Oh yes Joe, I grew up on a farm, I think a tomato seed is a wonderful thing, think, Joe, think in that little seed there does sleep so restfully, so comfortably a beautiful plant yet to be grown that will bear such interesting leaves and branches. The leaves, the branches look so beautiful, that beautiful, rich, colour, you can really feel happy looking at a tomato seed, thinking about the wonderful plant it contains asleep, resting, comfortable, Joe. I'm soon going to leave for lunch and I'll be back and I will talk some more.

What happened as a result of this intervention After this intervention, Joe had a few more episodes where he needed iced water in his drip, and was then in no more pain. He discharged himself from hospital. A month later Erickson visited Joe at home. He had gained weight and strength. His pain was rare, and it was now controlled with normal aspirin. Joe finally died 3 months after this intervention ‐ 2 months longer than predicted, and in his home with his family, rather than in a hospital bed.

About Milton Erickson Milton H. Erickson was born in 1901, and died in 1980 he was "the most creative and innovative hypnotherapist and psychotherapist throughout the world"48. Milton Erickson's contribution to the world included making hypnosis a respectable subject of study in medical schools, and a clinical tool. In spite of being colour blind, tone deaf and dyslexic, and suffering two attacks of polio at 17 and 51, he changed how the medical world understood and used hypnosis. Much of his work stemmed from using classical hypnotic techniques with himself to manage life‐long pain. He developed a non‐authoritarian and indirect approach to suggestion, very different from the accepted hypnosis at the time. He grew up in a large family on a farm in Wisconsin, and graduated in 1928 with an MA in psychology and an MD. He did his time as a general intern and then as a psychiatric intern. He wrote his Master's thesis while working at the State Hospital for Mental Diseases in Rhode Island. The thesis explored the relationships between intelligence, marriage, abandonment and crime. In the early 30's he experimented with the possible detrimental effects of hypnosis. He worked with Margaret Mead during WWII to investigate Japanese character and to understand the effects of Nazi propaganda. He consulted to the US Olympic teams, and published widely. Milton founded the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis in 1957. In 1948 he became Clinical Director at the Arizona State Hospital in Phoenix, Arizona, and retired a year later. He gave lectures to professionals (psychiatrists, psychologists, dentists) and worked in private practice. People would wait up to 2 years for an appointment to see him.

48 Battino and South, p 16.


Nested Stories Kurt Lewin noticed how his waiter only remembered the details of an open tab. As soon as someone paid their tab the waiter forgot what his customers had eaten or drunk, or when. Before that he could say what, when and retain the information over days and weeks. Bluma Zeigarnik, one of Lewin’s students studied this effect, and today we call it the Zeigarnik effect.

Things which are unfinished stay in our mind. This is why movies and books use “cliffhanger” endings. In a learning environment, it means taking a break in the middle of a session (with the intention to return) could be useful. Using nested stories is another way to use the Zeigarnik effect. They create an “ahah” effect in the audience. Stories are themselves entertaining and make the audience feel good; nested stories are even more delightful ‐ pay attention to good stand up comedians, and discover how many nested stories they use. The diagram below shows the “theory” of nesting a story – begin one story, take it to a point of almost completing… and transition to the second story. When the second story is almost complete, go into the third story, and complete it. Then return to the end of the second story, and finally the end of the first story. Finish off with a point/benefit, and notice your audience around you going “aha”!

You can, of course have more than 3 nested stories going (and you remember to complete them!!)

With an ST audience, you need to be clear that you will return (and do)


Using metaphor in training Here are some reasons to use metaphor:

give people an outsider's perspective on their own situation

talk with and directionalise the unconscious mind while entertaining and distracting the conscious mind ‐ e.g. Erickson’s tomato plant

install strategies reframe gain direct access to the unconscious re‐code sub modalities anchor desired states future pace collapse negative anchors overlap representational systems pace the client and their present state and lead them to a desired state

If metaphor is a false moustache, to disguise explanation and clarification, deep metaphor is a full disguise that very few people see through, and allows you even more subtly (e.g. Erickson tomato plant story). Grinder says 3 metaphors deep mean it goes straight in.

Creating a metaphor

To create a metaphor49, List features of the present state List features of the desired state design a metaphor/story with the same features Get the audience to identify with the protagonist of the story Pace the audience’s present situation with similar relationships between characters / figures / environment

Tell the story which adds resources (as the protagonist grows / learns, so do the audience) Finish the story in a way where the protagonists resolve the present state and achieve a desired

state.

Try building your own deep metaphor that will lead people to learning easily, effortlessly, and enjoyably listening attentively in a meeting be open to new ideas be open to healing conflict in the workplace

Delivery variables for deep metaphors To deliver a deep metaphor,

speak at one third of normal pace low, soft voice emphasis at top/bottom of breathing cycle positive description (so people want to identify with it) incorporate whatever happens embed stories

49 Genie Laborde ‐ Influencing with Integrity


Deep and shallow metaphors

Shallow Metaphor Deep metaphor Definition • more like an analogy ‐ the heart is (like)

a pump because it pumps, and that is where the similarity ends

• extended comparison ‐ similarities between two situations are extended

• not always explicit • the mind is left to work out the meaning

of the metaphor, and create its own meanings

• invites people to make sense of the information at different levels (sometimes even at levels which the speaker did not even intend)

Examples • the heart is a pump • the training room is a laboratory • your career is like a bicycle

• magic formula stories where metaphor is never fully explained e.g. learning as a Star Trek journey through space and time, encountering new races, species, people, examining new ways of being, boldly going etc

• means stories need to be evaluated for their metaphoric content as well as their “point and benefit”

• would include embedded commands, analog marking, and other Milton Model patterns to induce the desired state

How to construct

• define the feature of the new element you want to highlight, find another thing which has those properties

• define the features of the present and desired state (there may be several of these), design a story with the same features.

• Genie Laborde’s METAPHOR mnemonic50:

M atch E lements T hat A pply to P resent/Desired State H ide them in a story O rganised around outcomes for R eceptive Response

Application • make something strange and new, easier to understand

• help people understand information at a conscious level

• move the unconscious mind towards a desired state without necessarily involving the conscious mind.

50 Genie Laborde, Fine Tune your Brain, p 90


Making meaning: questions and post‐activity “debriefs”

Answering questions A few years ago I saw a monk from Nepal give an intriguing talk about happiness. He was engaging, entertaining and he caused his audience to think in a profound way They were engaged and entranced.

Then it came to question time. Suddenly this expansive and interesting man concentrated all of his attention on a single person’s issue. I felt like the issue was irrelevant to me; all of his energy and focus went to a single place in the room, and the 300 or so people there began to get edgy, just as I did. People began to leave, to whisper and generally turn their attention somewhere other than the speaker.

It was a lesson for me about answering questions in a training room.

We have a responsibility as trainers to deal with the whole audience, to make every question relevant to each person in some way, and to make sure a large audience doesn’t sit around waiting for the session to continue. Here is a procedure for answering questions which allows you to serve all of your audience (there is plenty of time for individual attention when the audience is occupied). Use this procedure for answering questions.

1. Acknowledge the questioner and pace the question (thanks, that’s a great question because…)

2. Chunk up and create relevance to the rest of the audience (the point of what Anne’s asking is whether we should X…”

3. Answer using present to desired state model (my friend John) 4. Calibrate using peripheral vision (that the questioner gets it) 5. Check “conscious convincer” with questioner (did that answer your question?)

You can also use it to deal with “nightmare incidents” in the classroom… make meaning of the incident in a different way, and move on You need a repertoire of ways to say step 1 and step 5.

Ways to say “thank you for that question, it’s a good one”

Ways to say “did that answer your question?”


Questions to ask yourself when answering questions Questions are tricky. Sometimes (but rarely) people actually want a straight answer. These are content based questions like “How do you spell Csíkszentmihályi? Most of the time, though, people want to ask something other than what they ask. They know they are missing information, but they don’t always know what they are missing. They can be asking to prove they are clever, or to get validation from the trainer. They can be asking because they are missing a vital piece of information, and often they don’t know what it is. So people can ask things like: • “I’m sorry, I just don’t get this. Can you re explain” ‐ this can be a “Why” learner – who doesn’t

see why they’d need to know it • “How does this relate to Johnston’s theory of Blah” ‐ this can be a “What” learner trying to get

more data, or a “show off” question, or a same/difference question • “Can I use this with my parents” ‐ this can be a how or what if learner wanting to understand

application or generalisation

You will find that certain types of questions will consistently come to you – mostly from the holes in your own metaprograms. So the “big picture” trainer will get detail or how‐to questions that have not been explained. The sensate trainer will get “big picture” questions. Try this asking yourself these questions when you detect a pattern in the style of question you are getting:

1. What are they really asking? 2. How are they creating their model of the world to ask that question? 3. How are they processing now to ask this question? 4. How are they not processing to ask this question? 5. What do they need to get the answer? 6. Some questions are logical level mix ups (is it windier in the summer than in the city?)

Be prepared to flip “how to” questions back to the audience (e.g. how can I use this with my kids?). Give them a few minutes to come up with some options, and then report back. You can always add your own ideas later, and it gives them all an opportunity to revise the content. You can also reflect back a strategy / TOTE / sequence of senses


Modelling and language51 John Grinder tells about a time he had to take someone to small claims court for failing to fulfill a contract. He had to wait in the courtroom for the judge to hear his claim. And as he was sitting there, he heard the judge make a couple of decisions. He couldn't help but notice that there was a consistency to the strategy the judges was using to make his decisions. In one case, the judge said something like,

• "As I look over the facts of this case, I see that this happened and that happened, and as I look at that I have to ask myself, "how will justice be best served in this instance?" and I feel that I should decide in favour of..."

The next case comes up and the judges said something like,

• "I see that I've had to deal with you before. If I look to the future I can see that this might happen again and again and I have to ask myself, 'What is going to be the best way to keep this from continuing?" And I feel that I must take strong action now…"

John said to himself "Aha! There's a pattern here." When it comes to be his turn, he says something like

• "Your honour, please look over the facts of my case, and as you focus on them, let me paint you a picture of the events. I'm sure you can see that this happened, and that happened, and as you look at that, I know you're going to have to ask yourself, "how will just best be served in this instance?" I am certain that you'll feel as I do, that some recovery is due to me".

And the judge said "Very well stated. I feel that I can see what you are saying” and the decision was eventually made in John's favour.

The point is, if John had gone in and said

• "Your honour, I really feel that I deserve to get my money back", the judge could very probably have said, "Let's not jump to conclusions; I don't see your point. I think you're not looking at this carefully enough." Feeling came at the end of the judge's strategy, not at the beginning.

Likewise, if John had said:

• "Your honour, please look over the facts of my case, and as you focus on them, I'm sure you will feel as I do that some recover is due to me."

The judge would have said,

• "Well, I don't know. Something tells me there are some important questions that may have been left out here." There was an important verbal step in the middle of the judge's decision strategy. The chain is no stronger than the weakest link.

By the way, remember that this process is at the level of strategy and capability, not at the level of values, beliefs, or identity. John would not have been able to get the judge to act unethically against his own beliefs or value by matching the representational system of his thinking strategy. But the judge would have had to organise the facts of the case according to his own strategy eventually anyway. With the exact same facts John could have reversed the strategy sequence and said

• "Your honour, I know that you feel this way about things, and if you asked yourself this, I'm sure that this is the picture that you'll see".

Mismatching that process would serve to create unnecessary delays or damage rapport.

51 From 7


Activity Use this space to translate the strategies into TOTE symbols:

• "As I look over the facts of this case, I see that this happened and that happened, and as I look at that I have to ask myself, "how will justice be best served in this instance?" and I feel that I should decide in favour of..."

• "I see that I've had to deal with you before. If I look to the future I can see that this might happen again and again and I have to ask myself, 'What is going to be the best way to keep this from continuing?" And I feel that I must take strong action now…"

• "Your honour, please look over the facts of my case, and as you focus on them, let me paint you a

picture of the events. I'm sure you can see that this happened, and that happened, and as you look at that, I know you're going to have to ask yourself, "how will just best be served in this instance?" I am certain that you'll feel as I do, that some recovery is due to me".

• "Your honour, I really feel that I deserve to get my money back"

• "Your honour, please look over the facts of my case, and as you focus on them, I'm sure you will feel as I do that some recover is due to me."

• "Your honour, I know that you feel this way about things, and if you asked yourself this, I'm sure that this is the picture that you'll see".

Apply this to training When you begin to notice the patterns of individual learners (particularly in relation to how they ask questions, imagine reflecting back the sensory patterns they have sent out… how would this make them feel understood?


Debriefing – Post‐activity Sense‐making Maybe you’ve been to a party or a conference with a friend or colleague. And after you’ve left the building, they say “Did you see the cute guy in the front room, he was just your type, and he was giving you the eye?”

It’s too late now, you didn’t see him, and it’s not appropriate to go back.

If only they’d given you some prewarning about it, you’d not only have noticed, you’d have enjoyed the attention, and had something to say to your colleague now!!

It’s the same with debriefing / making sense of activities in the training room. The quality of the questions and answers you get after a training activity depends on the quality of set up or “pre‐briefing” you did for the activity. When you give people something to think about with the activity before they go into it, they can come out with interesting observations. They can “notice the cute guy”. When you Pre‐brief them, it can make your activities into magical experiences. Ask them to track for what you are looking for (content or process). You can even have these questions on a flipchart, in their manual or on a PowerPoint slide.

Content debrief Debriefing on content is useful when you are teaching content (e.g. applying a set of procedures to approve a loan application; how to take inventory; using a chainsaw). Pre‐brief (and later Debrief questions) include: • What worked? • What didn’t? • What would you differently next time? • What would you definitely do again?

Process debrief The reason many trainees dislike games and simulations in a training setting is because they don’t understand the relevance of the game to their work place. When you have a good process based pre‐brief you not only get a good debrief, you also give them the relevance. Questions could include: • Notice how this is similar to / different from your work • Track what goes through your mind / images / say to self / emotional journey • Track what others say / do / feel • Track for a metaprogram or learning style (you insert the style here)


For more on debriefing actifiteiss Creating a learning environment

Logistics When up a classroom you need to take into account: • What impression you want to create as the participants walk

in (want them to think of school or uni, create the rapport of the familiar, a message that this will be different?)

• How they will be working (in groups or pairs, independently, away from desks?)

The effect of room set up on people’s minds (their presuppositions, their expectations) is called Psycho geography. You can use it to your advantage when you take it into account. Setting up a training event is just like setting up a film or stage set – every detail counts.

Production

Where is the focus of the room Staging – where will you train from? It is often most effective to have the trainer on the longest wall, rather than the shortest wall – this puts the audience closer in connection with you If you are using flipcharts, set them up in the place where you will be standing most of the time Make the trainer the centre of focus (not a computer or a desk)

Light Some trainers prefer to close out weather and light, so that participants can more easily suspend time, (much like in a casino). If you are doing this, also hide any clocks. Other trainers prefer natural light – make sure you make a conscious decision about which you prefer and use it to your advantage. If you use power point avoid dimming the lights – this is a signal to the human mind to get sleepy. Keep lights at a maximum until you need to use the PowerPoint – and even then dim as few as you can

Other Room set up As far as possible, make the room look symmetrical, clean and pristine. The more it’s a “nice” learning environment (within budget), the better If you are following on from someone else’s session and you want to refer back to material from that day, or if you’d like people to retain and use information from previous sessions consider flipcharts or posters with previous material around the room. As long as the words are large enough to read from the desks, the material can be absorbed unconsciously


Room layout ‐ seating Seating arrangements will change based on the activities you expect the group to do, the size of your room, the style of people you are working with and what you are trying to achieve. The more you want rapport, the more you’ll want to begin with what they expect, what they have always had. If you want to break old patterns, consider changing the room around, removing desks, removing chairs or something else (no PowerPoint, for example, can be a major change). Here are the different layouts most venues will offer; try mixing them around to meet your objectives.

Theatre style • No desks, can be difficult for some people to take notes • avoid putting a central row if you can, it can split the energy, plus it can be distracting to have

people moving up and down the centre of the room • make rows short enough to get out, and leave leg room for handbags etc • breaks the “classroom” feel • fits more people in a room • works well for paired / individual work, but

doesn’t encourage group work • difficult for you to manoeuvre between the

audience to deal with individual questions

Café / Cabaret style • gives people desks (to take notes, to feel

safer behind) • encourages group work • takes up a lot more space than theatre • allows you to move easily between tables to

deal with individual questions or to “eavesdrop”

• breaks the traditional “classroom” feel

Ushape • “traditional” workplace training shape

now • Can continue old “classroom” anchors • You can try different things within the U,

for example, putting people on both sides of the U, to break the old anchors, and to encourage small group / paired sharing

• People have desks, so they can take notes and they can feel safer behind them

• Makes trainer mobility easier; but many trainers find themselves boxed into the U

• Make sure the U isn’t too skinny to interact in, or the corridor between the U too long (you can feel like you’re in a catwalk!)

Flipcharts or screen

Cabaret / Cafe


Theatre‐style


U‐shape


Classroom • Can bring back old anchors of school (which

can be good OR bad) • People expect to be “taught” in this format • Can be difficult for trainer to access

individuals • Works for small group, paired or individual

work, but focus is towards the trainer always

• Try breaking the anchor by getting people to work with someone behind or in front of them, by changing seats midway through or between sessions

Other styles – make it up yourself! Again, depending on your outcome, you can change the room to assist this. • An interactive meeting where all have

something to share can be for example done in a circle – if you need tables later, you can have them on the periphery of the room

• For highly interactive or fast work, you can get rid of the chairs altogether (there is a story about a major petrochemical company who abolished chairs in meeting rooms, and halved meeting time)

• If the room is big enough, you could combine theatre style with plenty of room to move chairs around and create smaller groups, or theatre style and cabaret style in the same room


Classroom


Circle


Music Music in a classroom doesn’t create a mood; it supports whatever mood you are creating with the activities and assignments. Make sure the player is big enough to give sound for the entire room, and preferably position the speakers so they are not in one person’s ear.

Types of music

Positive lyrics If you use music with words, make the lyrics positive (since words have an effect on the brain, having participants hearing or mouthing the words “I am a teenage dirt bag” or “you don’t treat me no good no more” isn’t useful. Better for them to be singing along to “we are the champions”, “I want you to want me”, or “I feel good”).

Lyrics and words don’t mix Music with lyrics can be distracting when people are working with words, so have some instrumental as well.

Baroque music for accelerated learning?

Accelerated learning research52 recommends Baroque music, because it calms and relaxes the mind, and 60 beats per minute mirrors the heart beat. I have found participants have some not so useful anchors around this baroque music (“this sounds like a funeral”) so experiment with other types of music.

Match the music and the people I find it’s important to have tunes from the era of the participants – if they are gen y, they aren’t going to appreciate the 80’s in the same way baby boomers might. Some trainers I know ask participants at training needs analysis time what sort of music they listen to. And remember it doesn’t have to be music YOU like, just music they like which evokes or supports the states you want them to be in!

Using music as an anchor You can use music as an anchor. When you play it repeatedly and let them know what behaviour you want the music to evoke, eventually they know what behaviour you want from them (and will often choose to do it!). So if you want people to come back from break, establish a call‐in song, and play it consistently at the end of break. People will get the drift. Of course it needs to be played in a place where they can hear it (no good playing it in the room if they are in the breaks room). Similarly you can use a single tune to get them back from activities (something upbeat is good), or a tune to establish it’s thinking time (e.g. you could have a “diary exercise” piece of music – something quiet and pensive…)

Using music to round out the sensory experience You can also use music to round out a participant’s sensory experience. If you’re teaching a classification system, give them an auditory demonstration of it.

52 See http://www.newhorizons.org/strategies/accelerated/deporter.htm ‐ for some other suggestions around Accelerated Learning


So for example when I teach Cialdini’s 6 influence keys, I use Supertramp’s “Give a little Bit” for reciprocity, “The last dance” for scarcity, some Beethoven for Authority, some canned laughter for social proof, “I wanna be like you” for liking, etc.

You can do the same thing ‐ if you’re at a loss as to what music will work, ask participants to come up with possible “theme songs” for each category you are teaching, and then go online to get the tracks you need.

Organising your music The ultimate is to have someone “driving” the music for you, to match the music to the training content or message (for goal setting sessions, they might play “it’s a long way to the top”, or “what have you done today to make you feel proud” or “if you want it you got it”). It can be a good way to occupy someone who is training to train your material (and to make them think outside the nine dots about it)

If that’s not a luxury you can afford, then perhaps you can do what I have done – I have a series of playlists on my MP3 player which I match to the mood I’m creating. The categories I use are: • Upbeat positive lyrics • Slower positive lyrics • Upbeat instrumental • Slower instrumental • Get a move on

These categories seem to cover most of what I need. Before I had an MP3 player, I burned CDs (and before that Mini discs) in these categories.

Upbeat positive lyrics The category of upbeat positive lyrics currently includes tunes like:

• Absolutely everybody • All you need is love • Be yourself • Dancing in the street • Every little step • With a little help from my friends (the Joe

Cocker version) • A little less conversation (a little more

action)

• The only way is up • Search for the hero (inside yourself) • Respect • Think • Smile ‘n’ Shine • Sweet dreams are made of this

I add to this whenever I hear an upbeat tune I like: the advantage of doing this on MP3 is that you can buy single tracks, rather than whole albums.

Slower positive lyrics Slower positive lyrics are for a quieter mood. I rarely use this – if I want slow, I tend to go for the instrumental, but it’s there just in case. Tunes in this category include things like

• All the love in the world • Smooth operator • Like a star • How sweet it is (to be loved by you) • Teach your children well • Dancing in the street (the Mamas and Papas

version)

• With a little help from my friends (the Beatles version)

• I’m a believer (the Monkees version) • With a little luck • What the world needs now is love • I only want to be with you

Upbeat instrumental Upbeat instrumental tunes are useful when people are doing things with words (learning a new way to ask for things, interviewing each other). I use a lot of film music (because it’s been pre‐tested by Hollywood), and some upbeat classical stuff where appropriate. I also put my foreign and world


music tunes here – I always check if I can that the words are appropriate. Here is the sort of music I have in here

• Angelique Kidjo • Gypsy Kings • Upbeat jazz tunes (classic big band stuff, not

the Miles Davis kind)

• Johann Strauss (the Blue Danube, for example)

• Ricky Martin’s Spanish stuff

Slower instrumental This is where I put the baroque and other classical music, but also some of the slower film music. Anything slower from the artists mentioned in upbeat instrumental works, plus:

• Ambient music (as long as it’s not annoying!) – I bought an album called Chilled out with some good ones

• Charlie Parker (as long as it’s not too crazy) • Bill Frisell’s guitar music • Some of the lighter Keith Jarrett stuff (again,

not too crazy… you need to listen to it)

• Movie themes (Dave Grusin has an album of piano versions of his movie themes which is just beautiful)

• Lounge music (without words) • Baroque music (there are some designed

specifically for learning environments) • Some Mozart

Get a move on Sometimes people are taking their time to return from activities, or just need a little lift. I’ll switch to one of my Get a Move On tunes; they are faster, and tend to make people speed up. If you want to get people to return more quickly, consider keeping one of these tunes for “come back to talk about this” music, and play it every time. • Be my guru and Like Wow Wipeout (Hoodoo Gurus) • Some upbeat dance tracks I heard in a store once • Some world music with lots of drums


References

Selected Bibliography

Bandler, Richard and John Grinder

Patterns of the hypnotic techniques of Milton H. Erickson M.D., Meta Publications, 1975. Very academic approach. Milton Model.

Battino, Rubin MS, and Thomas L. South PhD

Ericksonian Approaches a comprehensive manual, Crown House 1999. Excellent background on hypnosis, good Milton Stories, info on myths of hypnosis and trance, good section on language patterns. Looks daunting and academic, but in fact is not at all.

Ben‐Shahar, Tal Happier – learn the secrets to daily joy and lasting fulfilment; McGraw Hill, 2007

Cialdini, Robert B Influence, the Psychology of Persuasion, William Morrow, 1993 Also visit www.influenceatwork.com

Csikszenthmihalyi, Mihaly (pronounced: Chicks send me high) Living Well, Phoenix Books 1997 Flow (more academic approach)

Denning, Stephen The Leader’s Guide to StorytellingAlso visit www.stevedenning.com

Dennison, Gail E. and Paul E. Dennison, Jerry V. Teplitz

Brain Gym for Business Instant Brain boosters for onthejob success, Edu‐Kinesthetics Inc, 1994

Dilts, Robert, Sleight of Mouth The Magic of Conversational Belief Change, 1999, Meta Publications

Dilts, Robert, Todd Epstein, Robert W. Dilts

Tools for Dreamers Strategies for Creativity and the Structure of Innovation, 1991 Combines some of the interesting things from the Structure of Genius volumes, applied specifically to creativity.

Gladwell, Malcolm Blink – the power of thinking without thinking Penguin Allen Lane 2005

Grinder, John and Richard Bandler,

The Structure of Magic, a Book About Language And Therapy, 1975 The Structure of Magic II, a Book About Communication And Change 1976 SoM I is Bandler and Grinder's first book. Very academic, a lot of linguistic theory. Includes the meta model. SoMII follows up with Satir, Rep Systems, some info on Congruency. Both very academic. Well summarised in other books (e.g. Michael Hall's Secrets of Magic) Tranceformations, Real People Press, 1981 Transcripts of seminars on trance and hypnosis.

Hall, L. Michael

The Secrets of Magic, Communicational Excellence for the 21st Century, Crown House, 1998. Excellent retelling and recontextualising of all of the basic NLP language patterns ‐ Meta model, Milton model, precision model. Then takes it one step further and adds some Korzybski patterns.

LaBorde, Genie

Influencing with integrity, Syntony Publishing 1994 Fine Tune your Brain Syntony Publishing Good corporate application of the principles of NLP especially


related to managing meetings.

Lebeau (Cameron‐Bandler), Leslie

"Beauty and Grace" Anchor Point Magazine, Volume 18, number 3. Leslie is quoting Martin Prechtel

Lipman‐Blumen, Jean The Allure of Toxic Leaders – Why we follow destructive bosses and corrupt politicians – and how we can survive them Oxford University Press 2005

Masters, Robert

Neurospeak Transforms your body, while you read, Quest Books, 1994 Not an NLP book as such. Some exercises for relaxing body and mind based on Feldenkrais.

Miller, George The Magical Number 7+/ 2, 1956

Minto, Barbara Try The Pyramid Principle for more information George Miller

O’Connor, Joseph and John Seymour

Introduction to NLP, HarperCollins, 1990. A basic introduction to the concepts of NLP.

O’Connor, Joseph and Robin Prior

Successful Selling with NLP, The way forward in the new bazaar, Thorsons/HarperCollins, 1995. It's short on NLP and longer on sales, but gives great applications of basic concepts. Includes some good sections on future pacing, debriefing and congruency, and some good application sections for managers, trainers, coaches of sales people.

Peoples, David A. Presentations Plus, techniques that work from the experts expert, Wiley, 1992

Pink, Daniel A Whole New Mind 2007

Rose Colin Accelerated Learning

Silverman, Lori Wake me Up when the Data is Over, Jossey Bass 2006

Snyder, C. Richard Handbook of Hope, Theory, Measures and Applications Academic Press, 2000, and The Psychology of Hope, Free Press, 1994.

Surowiecki, James The Wisdom of Crowds Why the Many are Smarter than the Few, Little, Brown, 2004

Tonkin, Cindy

The Australian Consultant’s Guide – setting up and running your consulting business profitably and painlessly, Allen and Unwin, 1999 You know there are ways your consulting business could run more effectively, so you could be with the client more, be more effective and make more money to do the things you need to do. This book contains practical templates and checklists to get your business systems in place, market your services more effectively, and make sure you’re in business for all the right reasons. You can buy it online at www.consultantsconsultant.com.au. Consulting Mastery – the ability myth when being good is not enough, Allen and Unwin, 2002. The biggest difference between the best consultants and the also‐rans is the way they deal with clients. This book sets out to understand what "master" consultants do differently to the others, so you can do it too.

Wortmann, Craig What’s your story? 2006


Actions and memorable moments

Moment My blinding flash of insight FO

My decision Actions from that decision

Where I need to write this down, who I need to tell, what ritual I need to institute to make it concrete

Documents

Train the Trainer With NLP