TOWARDS.....

.....SUCCESS

First published in Great Britain in 2013 by Baines Consultants Limited

Copyright © Barry Baines 2013

The right of Barry Baines to be identified as the Author of the Work

has been asserted by him in accordance with the

Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any

means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on

the subsequent purchaser.

ISBN 978-1-62620-217-7

Cover by Graphicz X Designs

For the ladies in my life

Melodie, Victoria, Natalie & Summer Rhianna

the source of my light and inspiration

www.the-secret-of-mindpower-and-nlp.com

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 Introduction

Chapter 2 Happiness

Chapter 3 Meeting People

Chapter 4 Energy

Chapter 5 Confidence

Chapter 6 Success

Chapter 7 Goal Setting

Chapter 8 Influence

Chapter 9 Genius

Chapter 10 Subliminal Persuasion

Chapter 11 Wealth and Money

Chapter 12 Public Speaking

Chapter 13 Hypnotism

Chapter 14 Conversational Hypnosis

Chapter 15 Super Memory

Chapter 16 Coaching

Chapter 17 Teaching by Metaphor

Chapter 18 Managing Others

Chapter 19 Relationships

Chapter 20 Sleep

EXPLANATORY NLP TECHNIQUES

Chapter 21 Modelling

Chapter 22 Anchors

Chapter 23 Embedded Commands

Chapter 24 Eye Accessing Cues

Chapter 25 Language Patterns

Chapter 26 Deletion

Recommended Reading

About the Author

CHAPTER 1

Introduction

Empty pockets never held anyone back.

Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.

Norman Vincent Peale

What do most people look for in their lives and how do they set about achieving the results that they want? Ask your family members. Ask your friends. Consider what you want.

Most people usually start by telling you what they don’t want, and you may even start by thinking along those lines yourself. Stop right there and rewind for a moment. Think what you do want, not what you don’t want.

Some people will say they want to be rich. Others may say they want a life partner and maybe a family. These days particularly there will be those who wish to stand out from the crowd and become celebrities. People also seek security and good health. They wish to do something worthwhile in life and be remembered afterwards.

Put it whatever way you like, what people ultimately desire is to feel good. Every decent salesman should know that, and the best ones certainly do. You go to buy a car, you are aware of the cars you’ve had before, what you liked and what you didn’t like and you know the minimum spec of the car you want.

When I buy a car there are certain features I require as a minimum, some functions that I find desirable but not absolutely necessary and others that I am not really worried about at all.

Except for a couple of colours I absolutely don’t want, I am not so fussy about the colour. So I’m a pretty easy customer.

Most customers will tell the salesman precisely what he needs to know in order to make a sale, but a lot of them just don’t listen.

They insist instead of going through their standard sales format, explaining this and that about the engine, the brakes and goodness knows what, and the customer’s eyes glaze over.

Even if the customer hasn’t explained what he wants, a few well directed questions will soon reveal the information to make a sale.

What’s the best car you’ve ever had?

What did you like about it the most?

You won’t have to wait for the answer.

The customer will talk and talk. Why? Because he cannot resist talking about those things that made him feel good.

The salesman’s task is then simple. He merely has to address the customer’s mind to those aspects of the vehicles that fill the customer’s requirements. Make him feel good about that vehicle, and he will want it.

It doesn’t just apply to cars but to anything we desire. The customer will see those things he is looking for.

I grew up in accommodation that was always a little cramped. I shared a bedroom with my two brothers until I left home. As a child I shared a small toy cupboard with my brothers and we each had a little shelf. I am not complaining. That is the way it was and we were happy, but as I grew older I longed not only for my own place but for more space. I feel the same now. I don’t think they have built a house that would be too big for me.

We all have these things that we see as missing in our lives, and we feel the need to correct that. Three years after I married and our first child was on the way, we looked for a new place to live.

Then one weekend there suddenly came on the market a 6-bedroomed house with an acre of land with beautiful harbour views. Although the house was around the limit of my means, it appeared to be well under-priced for its size and location. I couldn’t wait to view the property and arranged an appointment the next day.

I fell in love with it immediately. It had a large frontage and a very large inclined back garden with a paddock at the top. From the paddock there were views over the top of the house to the harbour (and I could envisage that one day this might be a superb position for a swimming pool). All the principal rooms had magnificent sea views. I was so excited that I couldn’t wait to return with my wife to see it again.

I didn’t need an agent or a salesman to give me a sales pitch. All I needed was to see the property and I knew it was for us. That weekend there was an enormous number of viewers and by the Monday morning six people had offered the asking price. We were asked to submit our best sealed bids by Thursday morning. I bid the very highest I thought we could fund, and obtained

the agreement of the bank for bridging finance so that we could make an immediate purchase if we were successful. The combination of those factors secured the property.

I was so anxious to acquire that large house and grounds that I gave insufficient attention to the work that needed doing to put it into a habitable state.

Although the one acre of ground had been well-planned at some time in its history, I failed to heed that it was now completely overgrown and would require a massive amount of labour and energy to make it half decent and to maintain it afterwards. I had spotted that central heating would need to be installed but had not taken full account of the general dilapidated state of the house.

The most unwise aspect of all this was that I did not commission an independent survey of the whole property. Had I done so, there would have been so many reasons put forward for not buying that I really wouldn’t have wanted to hear them and that was probably at the bottom of it.

Sometime later we moved in with a baby just a few months old. It was large but grim. Early the first evening I went into the baby’s room to change a light bulb and the flex came off in my hand. It was then that I discovered that the whole place needed rewiring too.

At first we borrowed to undertake the essentials. I was young, ambitious and full of energy, and it all caused me to work harder. My small business took off and soon the funds rolled in to support the effort of modernising our home.

We lived through a great deal of brick dust, electrical work and decorating whilst the house was modernised and the grounds brought up to scratch. But in the end we got there and it became

a beautiful home.

You see, we knew what we wanted. We knew the feelings we wanted. We felt, rightly or wrongly, that this would give us the feelings we wanted. A gap in my life – the lack of space – would be filled. The last thing we needed was a salesman or anyone else telling us what he thought we wanted.

When we make up our minds what we want to give us the feelings we desire, when we take steps and are driven to achieve those feelings, the whole earth seems to move with us to assist us with those desires and it is amazing just what can be realised.

I hope this book will inspire those feelings in you. You will read stories about a variety of people and their problems and achievements in all aspects of life.

Please write to us and let us know your challenges and how you overcame them and help to inspire others. No matter how small that challenge now appears to you, at the time it loomed large in your life and you defeated it, and if it was big in your life something similar will be facing somebody else who has yet to deal with it.

Now read on and as you consider each chapter

(i) envisage what the chapter is about;

(ii) associate what you would expect to hear with the subject matter and, finally

(iii) consider what feelings you get from the topic.

Then ask yourself, how will I now deal with those pictures, sounds and feelings to turn the whole into the good feelings I desire in life?

CHAPTER 2

Happiness

Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.

Dalai Lama

The way to being happy has been offered by many and various religious teachers over countless centuries. The message does not vary much but so many of us do not seem to be able to grasp its simplicity.

It doesn’t come with a win on your national or state lottery, and neither is it to be achieved when you graduate, win some coveted prize, achieve a sporting record or retire from your occupation. It is not something you can hold or look at. It is a state of mind, and it is something to be worked at every day.

So happiness is to be practised not sought after. How exactly do you do that? First of all, do not compare yourself with others. So much unhappiness comes about because people look at the performance of others and think they are not good enough, or look at their possessions and think they are not rich enough. But

they look only at certain aspects of the other person. When you are tempted to do that, look also at the things in that individual’s life which are perhaps not so good, and ask yourself if you would really like to change places with him or her.

It is a good exercise as you lie in bed last thing at night or upon waking in the morning to count your blessings.

Did you or do you have loving parents, a loving partner or loving children?

Do you have friends?

Do you have reasonable health?

Every one of us has something in our life for which to be grateful and thankful. Each day when we awaken, we wake up to a new miracle: we may see a blue sky or a dull sky but each is filled with its own beauty. Take time to admire the countryside – the fields, the rivers, the sand, the sea. Dwell on those things instead of comparing yourself with others.

Busy people are rarely unhappy because their minds are occupied with their task. People who love what they do are rarely unhappy.

Do you take time to enjoy your work or your business or do you just do it to earn a crust? Maybe you have a fairly mundane job. The first thing you might do in the short term is to find new ways to enjoy it.

Do your job with passion and pride. We all contribute to life on this planet in our different ways and no job or profession is better than the next.

If you tackle it that way, you will grow to love what you do and then you will do what you love.

When others just show off or talk big about what they do, take no notice.

An alternative is to see how you can improve your position. Maybe in order to do that you will have to learn new skills. Don’t be put off by your age.

When I left school people thought they trained for a job and they would have it for life. Things are advancing at such a rate now that there is no such thing as a safe job. We all have to be looking around for new ways. Those who survive the best, and are therefore happiest, are those who constantly improve and diversify their skills and are up for a new challenge.

How many times have you heard friends or family say I am too old to learn that now. Some might think that is just a lazy cop out for the tired and uninspired.

I have endeavoured to learn and diversify all my life and I hope (although it may be for others to say) that my mind and my powers of retention are greater now than they ever were, and I honestly believe that yours will be too. It may be that you haven’t practised for a while, but once you get going again you will be amazed at how quickly you improve.

Do I hear you say, Ah, but I am retired now. All this doesn’t apply to me. If you are in that position ‘unretire’ yourself. Retirement is just another concept invented by politicians in the 1930s to ease a serious unemployment problem.

The difficulty is people now think it is mandatory to retire at 60, 65 or even years earlier. How many people do you know who retired and then just gave up and died?

I have a colleague in his mid-forties who, together with a group of work colleagues, count the days until their retirement instead of enjoying the moment or up skilling and moving elsewhere. In

the meantime, their lives just pass them by and they rarely enjoy the moment. None of them, to my knowledge, has any particular plans for their retirement.

None of them has indicated a desire to pursue a particular project or help others in any way. You know, there is only so much gardening you can do or holidays you can go on without boring yourself silly.

I do not believe we are here to retire; we are here to serve in some way, and it is for you to find out how best you can serve because whilst you are serving others you are serving yourself also.

You can decide precisely how you will do that. It is not for someone else to suggest what, or how you should do it. You decide, acquire the skills to do it, and obtain instant happiness which will endure throughout the rest of your life.

Don’t become a victim of your circumstances; instead be master of your destiny.

CHAPTER 3

Meeting People

We can be only who we are; no more, no less.

Imagine what it would be like to be just ten per cent more effective than you are now when you meet others? Follow these techniques and you might surprise yourself still more.

I wonder if you shrink at the thought of mixing and meeting with new people or whether you embrace every opportunity of doing so.

Chances are if you are reading this you are not that keen or you are, at least, just a little cautious about the prospect. So many people are worried about what others will think of them.

How many times, do you think, two people meet each other for the first time each being fearful that they won’t be liked by the other?

Smile

You might like to consider this technique above all others. When you meet someone for business or pleasure, serve them or in any way respond, look her in the eye and smile. If you look down or avert your gaze you may appear shifty.

I emphasise immediately that looking another in the eye is not considered to be courteous in all cultures. So if you are not in a traditionally western culture, do some research first to find out what is the appropriate etiquette and follow it. If you are a native of a country where that etiquette is inappropriate, you will automatically know the right approach to take, but be sure to follow it.

Shaking hands

The next important thing is to grip the other person’s hand and shake it firmly. Now, when I say grip it firmly I mean just that. I don’t mean a vice-like grip, just a firm one. Neither do I mean shake it until her hand nearly falls off. But don’t just hang it there waiting to be grasped by the other person (like a piece of wet fish, as my mother used to say).

If you feel unsure about any of these things, try practising them with family and friends until you are confident. The more you practise, the more it will become natural and part of your normal behaviour.

Names

When people are asked if they are good at remembering names, few raise their hands. The reasons for that are (i) we don’t always listen attentively at the introduction and/or (b) we do not encode the name. So, first of all, listen to the introduction. Then as she says her name make a vivid mental image to link her to something or someone you already know. The more ridiculous

the image the better. If she has the same name as a friend of yours, imagine perhaps that she has two heads and the second head is the same as your friend’s. The next time you look at her you are likely to recognise your friend and be reminded of her name.

Alternatively, you can just make a vivid or ludicrous image. If her name is Summer, you might imagine a large sun on her shoulders with a bright warm glow at the edges. Or if his name is John you might imagine him sitting on the lavatory! You certainly won’t forget his name after that.

All these things you can do in your mind in a flash and the more you practise the better you will become. As you are performing these exercises also imagine a large placard around the neck with the name of the person in large block capital letters, and as she tells you her name repeat it aloud: I am very pleased to meet you, Summer. That not only assists in encoding the name but is another factor which will endear you to her. You are immediately beginning to establish rapport.

Repeating

As the conversation progresses, make a point of repeating some of the things she says to you. Listen attentively and you will find out what interests her most. What does she talk about? Is it her family, friends, business, favourite sport? Make a point of repeating some of the detail or raising points from it later in the conversation. She will know then that you are interested in what she has to say.

This is known as pacing. The technical name does not matter so much, but once you have paced the other person for a while, you can gently lead by nudging the conversation in the direction you want. Another good trick with pacing is to use three non-controversial facts which she will silently accept before

introducing the fourth concept which you wish her to agree with. For example, you might say after a busy session: It has been a long day today. I know you are staying in the hotel across the road and would like to rest now. Shall I join you for dinner so we can continue our conversation?

Because the first three statements are uncontroversial, it is less easy to disagree with the fourth and she is more likely to go along with it.

If the going gets a bit tricky, take a tip from the two US Presidents, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, give yourself some time and use the other person’s name. When either of them is faced with a tricky question in interview, watch what they do. They will pause and then introduce their answer with the interviewer’s name. That technique disarms the questioner and the questioning is often softer after that.

Pay attention. Don’t check your mobile phone for messages and emails during the conversation. You can tweet at any other time. It will be obvious if your attention is somewhere else and you will quickly fall out of favour.

Eye contact

Subject to what I said earlier about cultural etiquette, maintain eye contact whenever possible. You will know how important that is from your own experience.

I expect you have been served in a shop by an assistant who, throughout the time he is serving you, does not appear to be paying much attention and is not looking you in the eye.

Compare that to going to a coffee shop where the barista beams a welcoming smile, maintains eye contact when he engages you in pleasant conversation and then thanks you for your custom. To which business are you likely to return? Think of the shops you

use regularly and those you no longer use and recall why you prefer some to others.

Touching

A magic but simple technique to up your influence and endear you to another is to make bodily contact by touching once lightly on the forearm. It need only be once during the conversation and it is so simple. Research has shown that the other will feel more pre-disposed towards you and people in the sales environment have made greater numbers of sales.

Practising

It is important now that you practise these techniques over and over again with people you know. Keep practising them until they become part of everything you do and you no longer have to think about them. They will not necessarily work on everyone all the time, but you will have learned enough to be a far warmer and better communicator and I suspect you will have improved your skills by far more than ten per cent.