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Wedding Toasts

“Make the Most of your Toast”

1. Toasts should be polite, personal, simple, and sincere. This is the time to share

your relationship with the bride or groom and tell why they are special to you.

2. Brainstorm ideas. Write down the positive qualities of your friend. Think of stories

that exemplify these qualities. If you aren’t naturally funny, stick to sincere stories.

3. If you are friends with the bride but don’t know her new spouse well, you can

mention how she looks when talking about him or how she’s changed since they met.

4. Write down any shared memories from your friendship that are heartfelt or funny.

If you have known them for a long time, share stories from long ago in the past.

5. Remember that a toast is made to honor a person, not embarrass them. This is

not the time to share stories of crazy exes or the wild times you had in college.

6. Always start by introducing yourself and your relationship to the bride or groom.

Then talk about childhood memories, and move on to their admirable qualities.

7. Practice your toast a few times before the big day. This is one of the few times

when it is acceptable to use note cards, but you should know the gist of your speech.

8. Even if you are feeling jittery, it is important to be sober when delivering your

toast. Maintain good posture and use a strong voice to appear confident.

9. Make sure everyone’s glasses are filled before starting. Don’t tap on your glass,

just raise it and announce that it is time for a toast, then begin your speech.

10. When the toast is over, simply raise your glass again, acknowledge the bride and

groom, and take a sip of your drink. Just be yourself, but remember, it is their day.

 

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Storytelling

“Once Upon a Time…”

1. Humans have an instinctive predilection for stories. Even cavemen would come

back and tell stories of the hunt. We love listening to stories and where they take us.

2. Stories connect people by promoting social cohesion, conveying complex

meaning, and communicating common values and rules. Stories bring us together.

3. People accept ideas more readily when presented in a story format. Whether

you are trying to inform, persuade, or entertain, you need to incorporate stories.

4. What is a story? Plot is created anytime you put actions into a sequence. Many

times stories are created by an internal or external struggle between opposing forces.

5. Usually a story begins by establishing a setting – where and when the story takes

place. This allows your audience to easily picture it happening in their minds.

6. Develop characters by using dialogue. A character’s words reveal more about

them than descriptions. Characters and dialogue allow you to connect memorably.

7. Juicy details can engage your audience, but no one likes a rambler. Remember

to keep details relevant to the story and concise.

8. Make your points stick with the PEP model – Point, Example, Point. State the point

you are trying to make, use an example to illustrate it, and restate your point again.

9. Think of what you want the audience to take away from your story. Choose the

memorable moment in your story and focus in building up to that.

10. Practice by telling your story to one person before sharing with an audience. This

can help you identify parts of the story that need to be eliminated or elaborated.

 

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1. Words are not enough in communication. What isn’t said is often more important

that what is said. Observing body language can help you in a number of ways.

2. Interpreting body language can help you establish leadership, create a friendlier

work environment, hire the best people, and increase your persuasive power.

3. Observe what’s normal. How does the person usually act? Look for eye contact,

speech patterns (disfluencies), posture and gestures, and use of personal space.

4. Remember that we all have different cultural backgrounds and that you should

determine the norm for each person before assigning meaning to their gestures.

5. Look for changes. Individual expressions and mannerisms can change gradually,

or in an instant. The smallest unexpected gesture can put a listener on alert.

6. Are they avoiding eye contact? Are they smiling less or more? Are their hands

nervous or in their pockets? Has their posture changed? Are they talking differently?

7. If you want to know if someone is listening or alert, then look for direct eye

contact, open body position, leaning in toward you, and relaxed arms and legs.

8. If you want to know if someone is attracted to you, look for a natural smile,

physical touch, leaning in towards you, and extended eye contact.

9. If you want to know if someone is lying, look for increased fidgeting, shifts in eye

contact, and/or frequent touching of the nose or face.

10. Set a goal for what you want to know or convey. Practice reading body

language using multiple indicators as well as the context to help you interpret it.

Reading Body Language

“How to be a Mind Reader”

 

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1. Start by saying the other person’s name first. It helps you remember it and shows

interest in them. If you are introducing yourself to a group, simply say, “Hi everyone!”

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2. Have good posture. It’s one of the first things people notice about you, even

from twelve feet away. People who slouch are seen as lacking self-esteem.

3. Remember to have good eye contact. Looking a person directly in the eye

shows confidence and creates an emotional connection.

4. Communicate enthusiasm by smiling, and speak in an upbeat, positive tone of

voice. Smiling instantly makes you more likeable and trustworthy.

5. Give them a firm handshake using your right hand with web-to-web contact,

lasting 3-4 seconds. Don’t grip too hard or offer a limp, “cold fish” handshake.

6. Say your name twice, and make an initial connection by asking a question.

“Hi, I’m Lisa, Lisa Marshall. Have you ever attended this event before?”

7. Build rapport through common ground. By finding a common interest with a

person or your audience, you can build trust and gain interest.

8. Listen to the other person, and ask questions. By focusing on them, you are

perceived as serving others rather than trying to gain something for yourself.

9. Keep in mind the context of a situation. Only mention what is relevant, e.g. don’t

introduce yourself as a parent in a work setting, or as a professional at a PTA meeting.

10. Introduce yourself to as many people as possible. Not only is it good practice,

you may end up making a connection that will be valuable to you later.

Introducing Yourself

“Take The Hell Out of Hello”

 

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How to Say No

“Say Yes to No”

1. Sometimes, we have to say no to be a more effective employee, spouse, friend,

etc. When you say no, you are really saying yes things that are important to you.

2. We may agree to do something because we underestimate the time it will take,

out of respect for the person, or because we don’t have the courage to say no.

3. Ask yourself if you are only saying yes because you would feel guilty or to gain

the approval of others. Only say yes to things that agree with your values and goals.

4. When you don’t speak up about what matters to you, stay in deadening

situations, or wait for things to change, it drains the meaning from your life.

5. Periodically reevaluate your goals. Just because you did something, doesn’t

mean you have to commit to it again. Saying no gives you time to try new things.

6. Before saying yes, ask yourself if you have enough time to complete the task,

keeping in mind the invisible tasks, like preparation and travel time.

7. Is what you’re being asked to do something you are good at? If there is

someone more capable or suited to the task, maybe they should take it on.

8. Use the “Yes, No, Yes” tactic. State that you have already said yes to something

else, give a reason to why you can’t do this task, then offer to find someone who can.

9. It sometimes helps to add a compliment while saying no, for example, “Wow,

that sounds like a lot of fun. Unfortunately, I just don’t have time to attend.”

10. You can also just say no without giving a reason, as long as you are polite.

Simply say “I’m sorry, I can’t, but thank you for asking.”

 

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Overcoming Anxiety

“From Nervous Nelly to Joe Cool”

1. First, recognize that everyone experiences nervousness when speaking publicly

in front of others. It is completely normal, and you aren’t alone.

2. When your body is stressed, it starts producing chemicals. Your heart beats faster,

your blood pressure goes up and your senses sharpen. This is a good thing!

3. Use this nervous energy in a positive way. Research suggests that it can help you

perform tasks more efficiently and can improve memory. Good stress stimulates us.

4. Don’t fight it, use the energy to show your passion – use a stronger voice and

varied inflection, move around the room, and encourage audience interaction.

5. Practice. A very effective way to reduce anxiety is to rehearse. You should know

your presentation inside and out. So practice, practice, practice until you do.

6. Don’t wait until your slides are completely finished to practice your presentation.

Instead, practice each slide as you complete it, as if you were talking to a colleague.

7. Practice the beginning more than other segments. It is critical to make a good

first impression and gain the audience’s attention so they will remember you.

8. Use visualization and deep breathing techniques before the presentation begins.

Picture yourself doing well. Breathe deeply and count back from 10 to 0.

9. Do what relaxes you normally, like reading, doing yoga stretches, listening to

music, or talking with a friend or significant other. However, avoid alcohol.

10. Learn and use several of these techniques to quiet the inner voice telling you

you’ll fail; replace it with positive messages like “I’m doing great” or “I’m having fun”.

 

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1. Think about the purpose of a meeting. Do you need to come to a resolution, or

simply convey information? If so, can you send out an email, or report instead?

2. Ask yourself, “What is the ideal outcome?” Set a goal for the meeting. What do

you wish to accomplish? If you can’t find a purpose or outcome, don’t have one.

3. Create an agenda. Bullet the purpose and outcomes at the top, then for each

topic, list the what, who, and how long. Use action words: decide, review, select, etc.

4. Calculate a start and end time for the meeting. Don’t forget to include necessary

breaks and time for social activity. Include these times on the agenda.

5. It’s best to pre-publish the agenda. Send it out in the body of an email; sometimes

attachments are left unopened. Send it out at least one day in advance.

6. Start on time, even if everyone isn’t there. Always end your meeting on time or

earlier. Elect someone to keep track of time and give 2 minute warnings.

7. Keep a written record of the decisions and next steps. Make sure there is vocal

agreement of ownership for each task, and that the note taker records it.

8. Maintain an upbeat, engaging environment. Include others by asking questions

and encouraging feedback from individuals. Have only one person speak at a time.

9. Participate. Greet and say goodbye to coworkers. Express your support of good

ideas and bring some of your own to the table. Leave the phone in your pocket.

10. After the meeting, it is important to follow up. Distribute notes and updated

project plans. Think about what was effective to further improve the meeting process.

Effective Meetings “Put More Meat in your Meetings”

 

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Presentations

1. Practice, Practice, Practice. Practice each slide as you complete it, and as if you

are having a natural, one-on-one conversation with someone.

9. Use good slide design and great images. The simpler, the better. Only include

enough information on the slide to make each specific point.

2. Relax. Do breathing exercises, practice visualization, or do something enjoyable

and calming before presenting, such as reading or sharing a joke with a friend.

3. Start with an attention-getting opener. If your audience misses your topic sentence,

they’ll miss the foundation of your talk, making it difficult to follow or understand.

4. Use storytelling to share your values, goals, and experiences. Stories are the most

powerful way to connect with your audience and to be compelling.

5. Incorporate vocal variety, eye contact, gestures, and maintain good posture to

make a strong initial and lasting impression.

6. Distill your information to key messages. What are the main points you wish to

convey? Is there anything you can take out while still retaining meaning?

7. Don’t use notes. Just use one or two words to remind you where the presentation

is going. If you must use notes, remember to read, look up, and speak.

8. Focus on each specific audience by sharing only what is important to them.

10. To be memorable, share your natural enthusiasm. When you relax and be

yourself, you’ll make the best impression. Don’t worry so much about all the rules. 

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Being More Diplomatic “From Archie Bunker to Mary Poppins”

1. A diplomatic communicator is someone who can get their message across and

convince people to change without damaging the relationship.

2. Don’t criticize. Dale Carnegie said, “Criticism is futile because it puts a person on

the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself.” It makes people feel bad.

3. If your role is to facilitate progress, you need to point out areas for improvement.

However, you also need to provide strategies. Present problems with solutions.

4. Express appreciation frequently, which is always welcome and wanted. It should

be sincere, but can be as simple as just saying “thanks for the extra effort”.

5. See the other person’s point of view. It is important to try and figure out why they

say what they say. You’ll gain perspective and understand the big picture better.

6. Sometimes, people just need to feel as if they’ve been heard. Show respect for

the other person by listening to them and being honest.

7. Learn to flex your communication style. Learn to identify the style of those

around you and mimic it to facilitate better communication.

8. When giving feedback, choose your words carefully. Avoid aggressive words; try

more indirect language. You can also give feedback in the form of a question.

9. Listen, think, and be open to ideas. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you, so

you don’t say something you’ll regret. Choose if, when, how, and where to disagree.

10. Relax your body language so you can appear calm even if you aren’t. Keep a

conversational tone, maintain eye contact, and avoid aggressive hand gestures.

 

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Adding Humor

“Just Do Wit”

1. Humor is putting unlikely ideas together in a clever way, or as researchers

describe it, the sudden resolution of a cognitive incongruity.

2. Even if you are not naturally funny, you can still add humor to your presentations.

Start by studying humor – read humor books, watch sitcoms or go to comedy clubs.

3. Exaggeration is funny. Overstate a defect or strangeness in someone or

something. This is an easy way to add humor to everyday stories and situations.

4. Don’t be afraid to make fun of yourself. Use self-deprecating humor, but don’t

go overboard, or else it won’t be funny and people will feel uncomfortable.

5. Gestures, vocal variety, and pauses are all important. Pause before delivering a

punchline, so that the audience has time to think about the joke and laugh.

6. When you deliver the punchline, do it with a straight face, as if you don’t know it

was supposed to be funny. If you smile, people feel like the joke is forced on them.

7. Don’t start your presentation with a joke, it’s extremely risky because each

audience is different and you need time to determine what they will find funny.

8. Use the rule of three, but also break it. Things are funnier and more memorable in

threes, but adding another instance can be unexpected, and therefore, funny.

9. Some jokes can be offensive. Keep your audience in mind when deciding what

kind of jokes to incorporate. Remember, if in doubt – leave it out.

10. Encourage laughter by laughing as you come on stage. It sets the tone and

also has the benefit of relaxing you. Also, overbook the room – laughter is infectious.