Christmas ComesTo a Jewish Home

By ANNE ROIPHE

I T seems that every year, just aswe are taking our carefully se-lected Christmas tree off the topof the car and dragging i(into the

:house, the rabbi who lives down theblock walks by. I smile sheepishly andmy heart ~"ins to pound.Beinga Jewwho celebrates Christmas, and thereare many of us, needs some explana.tion. Certainly it's a sign of assimila.tlon, of a generation with dim memo-ries of the ghettos of Russia and Po-land. it's a signal, all right, of religiousand ethnic breakdown. It':>a sign thatthe melting pot Is still simmering if notboiling.

My grandfather, I was told, wouldnever enter a museum because he feltthat there were so many pictures ofJesus on the walls that he would beforced to see the Inlage of the babe Inwhose name his town was pillaged, hisparents killed, his temple burned andhe and his sisters driven penniless to aforeign shore. What would he think If heheard his great-grandchildren singing"Hark The Herald Angels Sing" inthelrschooJ assembly?

What would my grandmother withher kosher kitchen think of my daugh-ter whoplayed the Virgin Mary in theholiday pagael1t? What would theythink of their granddaughter sendingawayfor quainttree ornamentsfrommail-order catalogues and taking herchildren to see "The Nutcracker Suite"and watching the tree lighting inRockefeller Center and hiding Christ-mas presents in every drawer in thehouse. My grandfather, although hediedbefore Iwas born, beforethe worstof the atrocities against the Jews oc-curred, deservesan explanation.

.I, too, somewhatuneasy, need to un-

derstand what is happening as the ch.ll.dren watch "Rudolph the Red.NosedReindeer"on televisionfor the sixthstraight year and I sit writing out theInvitations to the aMual ChristmasDuy party my olde:>t friend and I give,where we will read, as we always do,DylanThomas's "A Child's ChristmasIn Wales," and eat fruitcake and drinkeggnog.

My mother went to temple twice ayear, on the High Holy Days.Each

Continued on Page C6

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lbt ~t\tlilork l\mtl3Published: December 21.1978

Copyright@The New York Times

Christmas in a Jewish HomeContinued From Page CJ

year she bought a new outfit for the oc-casion. She also lit a memorial candlefor her parents and its light burned onher dressing table (where it sat amongthe cosmetics, the perfume, the bits ofjewelry) mysteriously, a sad, sacredlight. My mother could tell jokes in Yid-dish she had learned from her aunts:

She played mah-jongg, canasta, back.gammon. She was a practical womanwho loved the movies, detective novels,and Chinese food. She belonged to aJewish country club. She had notgraduated high school and had neverbeen to a charity ball that was not for aJewish organiution. She had neverhad a friend who wasn't Jewish.

The ghetto was glided, but for herchildren it had lost its religious energy.Jehovah was too cruel. The world wastoo full of variety and difference. Wewere not sealed off by sufficient preju-dice or mutual hatred from our Chris-tian neighbors nnd their ways. It wasinevitable that her children should as-similate even further.

.One year my mother purchased a

Christmas tree. She could not resist thebright bulbs, the artificial snow base,the wax Santa Claus candles anymore.It was in our house a secular Americanholiday, about presents, that's all. Still,it had a certain shine and excitement toit. The German maid, whose memoriesof Bavarian childhood ennobled her inmy eyes, fixed the tree, the trimmingsand orchestrated the holiday. Mymother did the shopping, as was herpleasure. I unwrapped packages andgazL-d with happiness at this Christianversion of the burning bush. Our Christ.mas celehrations, ice cream molds ofreindeer, holly with red berries In thevases, survivf~ the pictures of theHulocaust that Ix'gan to appear, but myrelir.ious .r~linr.s did not. What Godwould choose his people for this?

One spring at the family seder, whichwas as rOUlinr. and irreligious as ourCltri5tm,1s cl!remony, I heard as if forthe .ir.;t time of the plagues God sl!ntthe Egyptians, 01 the death of thcir firstborn, 01 the: SlIldjr.r~ swallowed up bythe Red Sea. and I left the table. Iwould not celebrnte a God who was 50

tribal as to bring hann to onc group forthe sake of another.

Annostics bl.'came my friends. Even.tu.1l1y I marril.'<Itwo of them, one Jew.i~h, one nol. Their beliels were, likemine, rational, humanist, skepllC:ll,existential, uncertain, vague. Andthrough the 18 years of ~ombincd mar.riagl'S there has always been in myhou.o;c a Christmas, no longer anyseders, 110mort! IIlgh Holy Days at thl!temple, fII) masses, no born again con.vermons, just Christmas. II sacredevent in our family life.

Obviously it hassoml'thing to do witheducation - out of the ghl.'U", IIwayfrom the chcdl!r IIIto college, inll)philosophy and history of art, into his.iory of revolulions and psycholol.'Y, ufIsms nnd anthropolnl:}, coml'S II,semSt!of belonging to thl.' enlire human com.munity. not merely one small tribal

band. II is impossible no! to love theRaphaels, the Giouos. the Michae-langelos. The glory 01 the human eyeand hand lie there. The !<vmbol of Jp.susis just a symbol, an I',"cuse for humanbravado against the void. I ('an ~ hu-mllnily where my gr:mdfather sawonly the march of cossacks.

.The Ami!.h are ab~olutl'ly right in

their conviction that education in thebroader society would undermine theircohesion, destroy their cummunity.Unless there has been strong childhoodindoctrination, ethnic isolation, whenone Irarns enough of the nature 01 manthere is no longer a we and a them, anaggressive, destructive other, a pa~:mor heathen to be a\'Oidl.'<I. We st'C our-selves in the Samo:m or the Buddhist.the gypsy and the Navaho. and simul.taneously become more and somewhatless.

I know a few Yiddish words. my chil-dren nont'. I have friends from all kindsof backgrounds and so do the childrt'n.I know I am Jewish hut my children a~not at all clear. They say they arc leml'nists, humanists. They plan to live illParis, to be foreign corrl'spondenls, tnbe doctors and veterinarians andranchers and parents. 11ley are seco-nd-generation Yankee f:ms. They neverknew a Yl'ar when there wasn't aChristmas trt'C in the house, a stockinl:hung up with carl.' and a hnliday smellin the kitchen.

If all that Christmas nffl'rs myfamily is :I ('ommercial blast, II quil'kthrill of new p'Issession, thl:'l1 mygr:mdrather's inslinct to avoid contar:1was correct :mct the future 5t't'mS cVl'nnarrower than the pas I as we lose tribalCOML'Clions and n!place them wilhemptin(!!;5. But we dll nut sink gelltlyinto this anomie. Cunlae! with the greatChristian myth an,l art that comrseach Occl'm""r mll!,t I". a spinlll:ll ex,perience. E:Il'h yrar my husband readsDickens aloud 10 the children and thl'

story of Scrooge is mythologizl'<l intoour family ritual. Thr. stury is a!x>ut re.demptinn, a joinin,~ ,)f I he human com-munity by :1man wl:1/ h:1<1bc~'n sn hurthe had .Clrgolll'lI hnw In IIIVf',Spirilualneed not mr:1O ntherN(,rldly. mir:l.:n.lolts or mar,iral. II ran !;ImplymC:1r1an;twllkrming, :11I:.rkr~lwh'dgillg o. whatisbc5~ in the hllman sltuatiun.

The stnric'!; flf St. Nichnla!;, "Tht.Niy,ht nefore Christmas," thel TV I;P",cials about Frosty tht! Snuwman, UII.dolph, and Kris Klaus :m.' ahnut 't~.1triumphing tlvrr e!vil. ;thollttht! vir-turyof the kind and Ihe wp.ak. TIle:;e mYlh!;

i1i~r ~rlD !lork limrsPublished: December 21. 1978

Copyright@The New Vorl<'limes

have counterparts in tales told in In.dian dances, Islamic fables, Shintolorl'. We might, if Wl' avoided all signsIIr tine Christian tradition, be more eth.nic. but nnt pu",r or more holy.

One Chri:amas morning we arriveddownstairs to find the carefully dccl'-rated tree on the !loor. hroken orna-ments everywhere. A cat had misun.derstood thp occa~ion. Thl' de~lructionwas t('rriblt'. The childrm crit:'<!. Weput it up again, almost as good as new.1 thought of the rebuilding of the tem-ples. I wondered if only' in Jewishhoml's did the trees fall.

Why not chnose the Hanllkkah cere.mony to satisfy mythological and cum.munal nt'('(ls? I've askpd myself thissl!riously. Many m:tkr just this ('hoicc'fnr their family. I suppose it's likt'dl'riding to hav/! dillnrr wilh an l':-r.~;pouse with whom nile h:!s nld and bit.h~rquarrr.ls or a rJt.w frit'nd whos(' loi.I>I~ St'r,m more dislallt :Uld Ih,'rdoremnre charmilllt. 'The Hanukkah sturyalway~ irrilated mI!. Why silch a smallmir:lrlc, jU~1hI mak,! the oil last ..ightdays. whl'n IIH' proper l1Iirad" wnuldha".' hI"'n I" haVl~ crl'alt'd HomansWllhuut Ih.. m'Ni In cOl1lltuor anda\'(lid,'rIIIII' hllN>llyw;Ir :lIfogl'lhl'r. AsIappmarh till' .It.'wish traditions 1 findnIt! :In,,~rs ri~;III~. Ih'I>..lhon :1/!ainsl theantifrominism IIr tht' Jt'wish p:uriarchylIil's hal'll. It IS chl/kul! 10 ho.~(thcJUghIknow sunlt' are) hnlh a f"millls! and aJ.~wish traditionalist. J prefer Ihestra nger's way~. .

Fur lilY dllllll'l'n whu~;f' ielt'ntlly isvaJ.:tIr., whll liav,., IH'v,'r ht'..rll of Ih,'r>iaspolTaur Masarla, I hope IIII' wurld"lIrllimJlU;lu I..t th,'rn rh,.ns,', 'nll'ir tlis.t:III('(' lrum II". ,:Iwttn ekpr'ncl!; on Iht'Christian WlIl'hl t'unlilluillH tn sllppn'ssIh,' tI,'mlllls wilhin IIs('If. Shnllhl mass,o'r.;e..:ut",,\S .;tan :l1::lIn, I wllilid w('artht. y..llllw ~:Iar (/f Pav Wllldl nlakt'sth,' flt'Ppo'f'lIIUlt I'allt's nn nur In s al.ways !ullt'rslO 1.

As I h.,k at lilt! tn~' lights I n'mrm.!N'r 1l1I!Ii,:ht IIf th,' nWHlllrial candle'.Som..how mal:ir.al alld sa.-rt~J. MymOlht'r's rantlll, in rncrnnry of hl'rI.!r,innin~s aud ht'r past, Iwr family.'Illt'lighl!; UII"ur tn'", always nil/II klll-IIrt,<1I>t'(::IIIS('Ih.. dllldn'n insist Ulllh!!"lImit.~tllf lre'..s. art. lilY slgnaltll my-sl'If, III lilY t.hilll II: Suml'lhin/: is !;;!'f'rI'(I, hilly, I tllIlI'l kllllW ,':-raclly whal,SIIIIU!Iillws an' sl" ".. makl! m; lcoml,.ranI! hIlPt'ful. vuh,,'ral.h' III I'al'tlIItlll'r,W" an'l ryin/: III 'x' I'Ivilm.tl. .

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