The Record droceR ehT

Father Gregory Mohrman, O.S.B., revealed Sunday night that the picturesque white Abbey Church is to be painted brown by August of this year. “I’ve always thought it looked a lot like a wedding cake, but the problem is that I can’t stand the taste of white icing. Now chocolate on the other hand...” The decision has been made after four years of pushing by the former headmaster, and current Prior. Headmaster Father Michael Brunner, O.S.B., on the other hand, is very much against the idea. “I like confetti cake. Who doesn’t like confetti cake?” Many compromises were proposed but eventually Gregory won the battle of the Abbey Church. A full, decorative lace icing border will be added by September of 2012, once sufficient funds have been raised.

A large number of the campus’s Canadian Goose population have been stirring up controversy around Priory as many of the young goslings have inquired as to why they are unable to receive the same education the Priory students are entitled to. “We think our children should be allowed the same opportunities the humans have at Priory,” says Bruce Gibbons, a 43 pound Canadian Goose who has two sons he wishes to send to the school. “We put up with bottle rockets and junior schoolers and those awful African Geese. Don’t get me started on Earl (the Swan). The least they could do for us is give our boys a proper education.” This comes after the awkward and surprising expulsion of Gary Thompson, a Canadian Goose who disguised himself as a sophomore student

for the first trimester this year. Thompson’s lawyer pushed for his re-admittance, but Thompson’s father was transferred to Omaha, making any such procedure unnecessary. The geese have organized a protest by the pond, refusing to leave until they are admitted as students. Many geese have been seen spreading their protest around campus, posting near the Junior School, on top of the High School, and even the Varsity Soccer Field and Baseball Field, much to Mr. John Mohrmann and Russ Ham’s dismays. Their shrieks of dismay and injustice can be heard disrupting many classes in the 100’s and 200’s. They also have been known to lurk outside of the Botany room, hoping to tell anyone and everyone about their frustrations with the school. T h e A d m i n i s t r a t i o n w a s unavailable for comment.

The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School since 1960Volume 40, Issue 24

Thursday, April 1, Anno Domini, 2010

Canadian Geese wish to enroll as Priory students

Fr. Gregory unveils plans to

paint Abbey Church Brown

Wednesday, March 31, 2010Volume 40, Issue 23

droceR ehTThe Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

After a number of cutbacks on the Prom budget in the past years, it has finally been decided to change the venue from The Doubletree Chesterfield to Junior Ray Bayer’s backyard. This will add a number of fun and exciting changes to the event, and will save money to allow for more piñata purchases and music to dance to. While many students look forward to the notion of actual music, Senior Joe Altepeter is skeptical. “I kind of liked the awkwardness of the no-music dance-floor.” Many students are also weary of the new venue, fearing that the steeply sloping yard might make the entire night a little uncomfortable. “My moonwalk might be out of control downhill,” says Junior Jim Molloy, “but if I stand uphill from my date my height won’t be as much of a factor.” Other students see this as a good change, especially with the addition of the Moonbounce. Fine Arts teacher Ryan Niemann is one of the few opponents of the Moonbounce however, stating “I think Bouncy Castles are way neater. The make me feel like a medieval knight with frog like jumping abilities. My cousin had one at his birthday, it was way cool.” Either way, this year’s Prom will be one to remember. Although Prom was to rumored to be taking place at Grant’s Farm this year, the students can breathe easy now, knowing that Prom will surpass all expectations at Ray Bayer’s.

Prom to be held in Ray Bayer’s backyard

Senior Matt Menendez has been traveling the country in the past few months accepting major scholarships from big name schools and has just recently made his decision official. On Monday, Matt, surrounded by close family and friends accepted and signed a full ride commitment letter to the KC Diesel Trucking Center in Potosi, Missouri. The world-renown center has consistently been ranked in the top ten trucking centers in western Missouri. The school was recently featured on the front cover of the Big Rig Digest because of its work with pedals. “We do a lot of work with pedals, because most drivers just don't push the pedal all the way down. In order to make the most efficient truck runs, the driver must make the truck go as fast as possible,” said program director Earl Bluegrass. Bluegrass was present at the signing, presenting Menendez with a KCDTS hat and shirt within seconds of signing. “This is just the beginning,” Earl said, “We’ll fit you for a jacket and maybe some slacks when you visit our facilities.” Menendez is of fered free transportation, room and board, and even cafeteria food from the prestigious KCDTS. “I'm most excited about the internships available,” said Menendez on Monday. “I am almost guaranteed to land a job trucking for Youtube or the Shane Co.” The center has no deadline for applications and Priory is a consistent feeder school for the trucking center.

Menendez accepts full-ride to KC Diesel

Trucking School

The Varsity Field Hockey team is back in action for another exciting season. After the disappointing loss last season to Vianney in the state semifinals, the Rebels, who only graduated 3 seniors, determined to work extra hard this offseason. So far, that work has paid off, with the Rebels winning the pre-season tournament at Whitfield and starting the season with a 5-1 league record. This past Saturday the Rebels beat powerhouse Chaminade in strokes (penalty shots). Stand-out Junior Andrew Erker, who scored the winning goal, said after the game, "This is the happiest I've been since I learned of Apollo 11 landing on the moon." Goaltender Robb Becker, who has committed to USC on a full scholarship for next season, stood on his head against the Red Devil's onslaught, stopping all but two shots. Look for the Rebels to continue their success on the pitch this week against league bottom-dweller Ladue, who hasn't won a game since the Chinese year of the dog.

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Field Hockey Squad 5-1 on season

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Many changes have occurred at Priory in the last few years including upgrades in facilities and new classes available to students. Just recently Mandarin Chinese and Lacrosse have become available to students, but during their announcement Fr. Michael promised that “the best was yet to come.” And has he delivered. Yesterday a press release was sent to all highly regarded publications, such as The Record, announcing that AP Weightlifting is now part of the official curriculum. “This is a really exciting addition for Priory, especially because every student must take the class,” said Mr. Combs, the main endorser of the initiative. Combs has received doctorate in Weightlifting from the University. “It has been in the works for five years,” said Fr. Michael, “The weight room addition was all part of the plan. The College Board has very strict regulations and it was important for us to have an approved Advanced Placement weightlifting center.” Many of Priory's students and parents have been calling for this course to be added to the curriculum in an effort to improve the overall athletic prestige of the school. This is of course in addition to the new swimming lane lines, which have been recently installed in the pond.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010Volume 40, Issue 23

droceR ehTThe Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

AP Weightlifting to become curricular

After an emergency administration meeting over the weekend, Fr. Michael has announced that open-toed sandals will now be included in the dress code. This change, which will come into effect April 1, has created a rift between teachers and students, who seem to have differing opinions. Said a rather giddy Mr. Finan, "I can't wait to let my toes be free." Mr. Gleich, who calls himself a fan of the "Jesus sandal," said he is most excited about having to wash his socks less often. And Mrs. Schulz, a self-proclaimed sandal enthusiast, when asked whether she liked this change, said "Sandals weren't in the dress code before now?" Many students, however, are reacting unfavorably to this news. Sean Lamb, head of the Student Advisory Committee, said he will fight "tooth and nail" to repeal this amendment. Other students have taken to more drastic measures, including wearing multiple pairs of socks and refusing to take their shoes off in class. Senior Quinn Underriner and Junior Graham Kerwin have pledged to leave their shoes on all day, even though both say wearing shoes for seven straight hours will be "incredibly difficult." This new development is another blow to the Priory student community that has been pushing for a more strict dress code for years. Many believe that dress code violations are a very serious offenses and warrant a two-strike policy, although no progress has been made on i n s t i t u t i n g s u c h a p o l i c y . A n administrative representative declined to comment at this time, saying "My toes are so comfortable I don't even care."

Sandals/Flip Flops added to the Dress

Code for Spring Term

Bookstore Suffering from Economic

Downturn

Inside sources have revealed that Seniors Chad Huber, Sean Lamb and Patrick Mulvihill will eat at Uncle Bill’s on Manchester tomorrow. They will most likely eat in the back of the restaurant in a semi-circular booth. Mulvihill will most likely eat chocolate chip pancakes, while the other two are undecided. All three will order Chocolate Milk, while Lamb might also order and orange juice. They would like privacy during this meeting, as they want to catch up on personal happenings. The three will most likely finish all of their food, although Huber might take a bite of Lamb’s Raspberry Jam covered toast, despite the fact that he hates raspberries, just to annoy Lamb as he visits the facilities before their food arrives. They will split the bill three ways, much to Sean and Patrick’s dismay. Chad ordered more food than they did.

The newly renovated weights and fitness classroom, opened this past Fall,

located on the East side of the campus.

Huber, Lamb, and Mulvihill to lunch at

Uncle Bill’s tomorrow