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I had a hard time learning about theabortion and was not sure if I in fact wasstill going to be able to marry my fiancée.Attending the retreat helped me torecognize that she was the same person Ihad loved the day before I learned, andthat if God had forgiven her, I needed toforgive her as well. Through counselingand direction we have been able to workthrough the many feelings and fears I had,and I feel confident we are now able towork on any issues that come up together,and move past them through the grace ofGod. I feel I am now able to love her theway God intended.

Significant growth can also result fromworking through the pain together as acouple. For example, the spouse that wasnot involved in their husband’s or wife’spast abortion may choose to “spirituallyadopt” their spouse’s aborted child. Thisspiritual adoption can be a beautiful wayto unite the couple as the family Godintends them to be, as Steve recognized:

I made the decision that this was part ofwhat was brought to our marriage ‘ingood times and in bad, in sickness and inhealth...to love and honor...all the days ofmy life.’ I take that vow seriously. We hadto make this journey together. ... I nowlook upon it that I have two sons, the one[whom] she conceived before we met, andthe one we conceived together. Would itbe any different if the child had lived and... [were] here present in our lives? No!!The only real difference is that we have achild who is with God and who isworking and praying for us.

Abortion affects countless marriages morethan many people recognize. But there isno doubt that God will bring great healingto those who trust in his infinite mercy. If apast abortion can be acknowledged andaddressed, a married couple can makegreat strides in experiencing even morefully God’s design that “the two shallbecome one” (Mt 19:5).

*The stories of Susan, Juan, Steve, Tinaand Matt (their names are changed fortheir privacy) are just a few examples ofthe many marriages touched by abortion.To find out what pastoral resources formarriage may be available in your localarea, contact your diocesan family lifeoffice. To find resources for post-abortionhealing, visit HopeAfterAbortion.org.

Scripture texts in this work are taken from the NewAmerican Bible, revised edition © 2010, 1991, 1986,1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, Washington,D.C. and are used by permission of the copyright owner.All rights reserved.

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Through counseling anddirection we have been able to

work through the many feelingsand fears I had, and I feel

confident we are now able towork on any issues that come

up together, and move pastthem through the grace of God.

When Susan’s* husband, Juan, told herabout the abortion he was involved inwhen he was in college, she finallyunderstood why he was so depressed andhad trouble bonding with their children.However, she wanted him to just get overit, without seeking help from a post-abortion healing ministry. It bothered herto think of him dealing with this inrelation to another woman and child.

During Steve’s premarital preparation withhis (now) wife, the topic of her pastabortion never arose. Now married andparticipating in a post-abortion healingministry, Steve notes, “It is one of thequestions you never think to ask duringpremarital preparation.”

With an estimate of over 56 millionabortions in our country since theinfamous Roe vs.Wade decision of 1973,there’s little doubt that countless marriagesare suffering from one or both spouses’involvement in an abortion.

Although many of the same struggles mayarise when only one spouse was involvedin a previous abortion, couples whoaborted their own child before marriagemay experience their own uniquedifficulties, as Tina shares:

...I didn't think it bothered me until afterwe were married for a year and our sonwas born. I was so resentful that myhusband hadn't protected me and our

baby when I became pregnant before wewere married. …I began to resent andhate him. It was like a great dividebetween us. I couldn't and wouldn't let goof the anger and resentment, because if Idid, it would be like saying the abortionwas ok, and it wasn't. (Our baby died,) Iwas hurt, and he could just go on likenothing happened.

For cases in which one spouse is unawareof the other’s past abortion experience,some feel it is crucial for him or her to betold, while others believe it is in the pastand it’s not necessary to address it. But if“the two shall become one” (Mt 19:5), canthe marital union be brought to its fullestpotential with the secret of an abortionlingering in the past?

Steve doesn’t think so: “...looking back overour 29 years of marriage, it is probably theone thing from [either] of our pasts that hasaffected our marriage more than any other.”

It is no secret that the devastation ofabortion brings with it many challenges.Many times the people who haveparticipated in an abortion are not evenaware of the countless ways it is affectingtheir lives. Often, it is not until theyrecognize some of the effect it is havingand become involved in a healing ministrythat they begin to more clearly identifytheir personal abortion connectors (people,places or things that trigger memories oftheir abortion experience).

It is not uncommon for those suffering frompast abortions to overreact to presentsituations because of the trauma theyexperienced. For example, what wouldotherwise be a normal disagreement betweenspouses can seem like a very real act ofabandonment to someone who was coercedinto having an abortion. An abortion mayalso lead to infertility or difficulty conceivinglater in life, which bring their own emotionalstrains for a couple.

Fear of intimacy is another struggle thatmay arise. Some women and men havekept past abortion experiences a secret andlive in the fear of being exposed. Theynever really open themselves completely tointimacy for fear of being rejected if theirspouse ever discovered their secret. Othersmay not be willing to practice their faithbecause of the guilt and shame they feel,which deprives them of spiritualconsolation and drives a wedge betweenthem and their spouse.

It is scary for a person to tell his fiancée orher fiancé or spouse about a past abortion.It requires great trust in that person’s lovefor them and trust in God. Unfortunately,sometimes that knowledge can threaten therelationship, but it can also be a means forthe couple to grow closer together.

Through the help of a post-abortionhealing ministry, couples can successfullywork through abortion-related challenges,and God’s grace can bring true healing intheir relationships. Matt shared his ownstory of this experience: