THREE C’S OF PARENTINGParent ForumNovember 2012Middle School Counselors

CONFLICT RESOLUTION Conflict is normal. Conflict is natural. Conflict is healthy.How you resolve disagreements is an important indicator of a healthy family.

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONGuidelines to remember when faced with a disagreement: Stay calm and logical Talk respectfully Remember that everyone does not have

to agree on everything Identify the problem

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONGuidelines to remember when faced with a disagreement: Decide if the issue is worth the effort it

might take to resolve Look for common ground Strive for a win-win resolution Compromise

CONFLICT RESOLUTION When children see parents in a healthy

disagreement, they are more likely to disagree in the same manner.

Model healthy disagreement resolution, it will become a life-long skill.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Beware of non-verbal communication Watch for closed fists and crossed arms Does the speaker’s verbal message match the non-

verbal message?

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONWhen listening, practice these things: Concentration: Focus on what the speaker is saying,

rather than think about what you will say next. Tolerance: Maintain openness and respect for the

speakers opinion. Rephrasing: Check to make sure you are

understanding what is being said. “ Do you mean.” Sensitivity: Pay attention to speakers feelings.

Acknowledge and reflect his feeling in your next question.

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONSooner or later, all children will attempt to

BACK TALK!Talking back to a parent is part of growing up, unfortunately! If it rarely happens, calmly let your child know that you do not appreciate her response and that you will be happy to listen if she can talk more respectfully. If back talk becomes an ongoing habit…..

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Don’t fight fire with fire… an angry response from you only fuels the fire

Be willing to listen and respect her point of view when it is presented in a respectful way. This does not mean you MUST agree.

Give yourself time to think decisions through.

Model respectful language in the way you talk to your child and all others. They are watching you.

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONMuch to the chagrin of parents, all siblings will argue and fight. Understand that sibling rivalry is normal

and natural. It must occur to ensure individuality.

Watch for underlying causes and adjust the atmosphere. Tired, hungry, lack of parental attention, bored, stressed, immature social skills

Never allow rivalry to become abusive. Step in to make certain respect is shown.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION PARENTS NEVER….. Take sides Compare one child to another Discipline or make decisions while angry

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

PARENTS DO: Spend quality time with each child Encourage teamwork and cooperation Be quick to compliment as you are to

criticize Not give up! Rome was not built in a

day. Start working with one thing you would like to

implement and work on it until it works for you.

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONI-Messages:State your position in I-messages.“I am embarrassed when you raise your voice and use that kind of language.”

“I am happy when you complete your chores without being told.”

“I am sad your choice is causing you so much difficulty.”

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONSelf Disclosure Share personal

experiences that you had with your child.

Sharing builds trust and helps teens to see “you have been around that same block before” when you were their age.

Acknowledge the Emotion Disarm anger and

criticism by talking the emotion rather than the content.

“I know you made a mistake, tell what is making you so angry?”

CONFLICT RESOLUTION: Gender Differences

MALES Difficulty in sending

and receiving non-verbal messages.

Must be told, not to good catching hints.

Disclose less Use a style that is

controlling and task-oriented.

To the point

FEMALES Disclose more Use an expressive

style Read non-verbal and

expressions very easy. May repeat the same

thing over and over and over and over, sometimes.

Should use less words in a more powerful way.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION This session discussed sibling rivalry, back

talk, handling disagreements, I-Messages, and gender differences.

We hope you have gained a new idea or two, to add to your repertoire of parenting skills.