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Jeff Everage PEACEINYOURHOME.COM
Three Easy Parenting
Techniques to Implement
Tonight That Will Transform
Your Parenting A FREE GUIDE FOR PARENTS
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Three easy parenting
techniques to implement
tonight that will transform
your parenting.
Welcome!
First, let me thank you for joining PeaceInYourHome.com. Youll be
hearing from us about once a week to share with you the best, most
effective tools and ideas to change your family life for the better.
Im convinced that you will use what you learn each week in
PeaceInYourHome.com to become a more confident parent and
much sooner than you thought.
Today, though, were going to cover three different changes that
you can make in your routine, starting TONIGHT, to see a difference
in the way your family operates.
In the other words, if you apply what you discover in the next few
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pages, you willwillwillwill see a marked improvement in how your child
behaves.
Nothing youll read here is difficult to understand or complicated to
do. And for that reason, Im sure youll find each element I cover to
be easily adaptable to your daily routine.
Above all else, though - in fact, even above the potential of
improving your childs behavior - I hope you rediscover the joy in
everyday parenting.
To have well-behaved children is one thing. To enjoy the process of
parenting is - in my humble opinion - much more important. When
you enjoy parenting, everyone wins. The whole world wins. In the
words of Mother Teresa, peace begins in the home.
Sincerely,
Jeff EverageJeff EverageJeff EverageJeff Everage
[email protected]@[email protected]@peaceinyourhome.commmm
PeaceInYourHome.comPeaceInYourHome.comPeaceInYourHome.comPeaceInYourHome.com
P.S.P.S.P.S.P.S. Dont forget that PeaceInYourHome.com is here to help make
parenting easier and way more fun. Be sure to comment on some of
the articles and check out the online courses!
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Change #1: Take Care of Yourself. First.
OK. So the firstfirstfirstfirst thing you need to do is sort yourself out.
On any given day, you might be taking care of your childrens meals,
getting them dressed, driving them from this activity to the next,
checking their homework, taking care of the house.
Perhaps you go to work and spend 40 hours a week someplace
outside of the home, on top of everything else...
Ask yourself this question: Am I taking care of myself and my Am I taking care of myself and my Am I taking care of myself and my Am I taking care of myself and my
needs?needs?needs?needs?
This might seem counter-intuitive to some of you. Especially those
of you who are used to putting other peoples needs in front of your
own. Trust me, though. This is important.
You might be wondering, How can taking care of How can taking care of How can taking care of How can taking care of my needsmy needsmy needsmy needs FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST
lead to better behaved children?lead to better behaved children?lead to better behaved children?lead to better behaved children?
Really, it comes down to brain science-- specifically, these fun things
called mirror neurons which dictate that we naturally mirror the
actions we observe around us.
So when youre in a crabby mood because youve had an
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unrelentingly hard day at the office, or because youve plowed
straight through your morning chores without taking time to
shower, guess who is going to mimic that crabby mood? Your kids.
Conversely, when youre feeling relaxed, centered, and calm- so will
your kids.
One of my great friends, parenting expert Susie Walton, often uses
the analogy of the flight attendant telling parents to put their
oxygen mask on first before helping to put on a childs mask. What
good are you to your child if you are unconscious from lack of
oxygen? she asks.
Think about that.
What good are you to your child if you are tired? Or when you are
hungry? Or overworked, unkempt, and generally not content with
yourself?
Definitely not as good as you could be.
So figure out what you need to feel better during the most
challenging times of the day. Is it a shower first thing in the
morning? Is it the time to work out? Is it fifteen minutes of alone
time? Make it a priority to figure out what you need every day, and
then find a way to make it happen.
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You might find that even the tiniest favor you do for yourself brings
great rewards for your kids in terms of how you interact with each
other.
Youll be less likely to snap at your kids, and generally more
prepared to deal with whatever may come up.
I know, for many of you out there (including myself!), this seems
easier said than done. But trust me, its not impossible to carve out
few moments of me time.
*****
Okay, so this next change might rub some of you the wrong way
Change #2: Pay Attention to Your Kids
Im not implying that you neglect your kids, by any stretch. (Youve
proven how devoted you are to them just by signing up to get this
guide!)
The The The The qualityqualityqualityquality of attention your kids get from you makes a difference in of attention your kids get from you makes a difference in of attention your kids get from you makes a difference in of attention your kids get from you makes a difference in
the way they behave.the way they behave.the way they behave.the way they behave.
In her book Your Childs Self-Esteem, Dorothy Briggs uses the term
genuine encounter moment, or GEM, to describe the focused
attention children need.
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Briggs writes, Many parents are with their children physically, but
mentally their focus is elsewhere. Togetherness without genuine
encounter is not togetherness at all.
Having one-on-one time with each of your children doing some sort
of planned activity is amazing, and I encourage doing that as much
as you can. Realistically, though, and especially day-to-day, its not
always an option.
The good news is that GEMs dont require planning, spending
money, or setting aside a large chunk of your already busy day.
It can be as simple as having a short conversation about something
that happened at school.
Whatever moment you choose, a true GEM needs to be two things:
1. Focused
2. Positive
Im going to talk about these two criteria separately.
Attention Needs to Be Undivided
I know I am busy! The funny thing about kids is, the busier you get,
the more they need to connect with you.
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And when they feel disconnected from you, well thats when the
trouble starts to bubble up. They start acting up to grab your
attention, even if its negative.
Providing genuine encounter moments removes your childs Providing genuine encounter moments removes your childs Providing genuine encounter moments removes your childs Providing genuine encounter moments removes your childs
motivation to misbehave.motivation to misbehave.motivation to misbehave.motivation to misbehave.
Heres the kicker for you: No multi-tasking during GEMs!
No checking emails on the computer while you sing songs with
your preschooler.
No mentally going over your grocery list when your child tells
you about her day at school.
And if your teen is willing to make small talk with you, for
goodness sake, put down your smart phone!
Here are some other tips to make sure you child feels like theyre
getting all of you in those few moments.
Tips for GEMs
1. Get eye to eye to your child. If
theyre small, crouch down to their eye
level or pick them up to yours.
2. Touch. Hold your childs hand, rub his
back, stroke her hair.
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3. When your child is speaking really listen to what hes telling
you, and wait for him to finish talking.
Would you like to watch a video demonstrating how to do a GEM?
Theres one on PeaceInYourHome.com.com. Check it out here!
Attention Needs to Be Positive
The National Family Institute reported that the average American
child only receives 12.5 minutes per day communicating with their
parents, and that 8.5 of those minutes are spent correcting,
criticizing, or arguing.
So when youre giving a GEM, make sure you reserve the lecturing
and judging for a different occasion. Im sure there will be plenty of
opportunities to give advice to your child, but dont do it now.
Just make sure that you give your child the positive attention she
needs-- even if that means just nodding your head and
empathizing.
*****
Change #3: Empower Your Children
Some parents wont like this one
Theyll say, Empowering kids? Thats the problem with children
today! Parents have given up control of their kids! Young people
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dont know their place! I am the parent, and I always know better,
and I deserve all the power all the time!
Okay, that might be a little extreme, but you get the idea.
By definition, to empower means to give someone, in this case
kids, power. I get why this is scarythey are just kids, after all.
But empowering children doesnt mean giving them the run of the
house, to the point where you lose control of your household.
It simply means that you let your kids make some decisions for
themselves.
Think about the countless decisions that you make on behalf of
your kids every single dayfrom the clothes that they wear, to the
food they eat.
If your kids are school-age, they spend several hours in a classroom
environment where, again, they have little to no control over what
happens next.
Is it any wonder that some children rebel? Some will do it loudly:
No! I do not want to do my homework now!
Some kids rebel passively: simply ignoring any request made of
them.
Either way, these kids are acting up because they are frustrated.
They feel powerless, and this is their way of communicating that to
you.
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You can turn this around, and you can start tonight. Here are some
suggestions.
Ways to Empower Children
1. Offer little ones choices by giving them two or three viable
options to choose from. (Dont leave it open ended, and limit
choices to two or three.)
2. Let older kids decide what to have for dinner once a week.
Then let them help prepare it. Youd be surprised how many
kids are eager to help in the kitchen. Dont waste the
opportunity!
3. Allow children to structure afternoons on their own. Let them
tell you what order they will complete chores, homework,
etc. (Just hold them accountable to the schedule theyve set.)
4. How often do the kids get to decide what happens on a
Saturday? Have your kids plan an entire Saturdaythen
follow that plan as a family. It could
become a fun monthly tradition! Ask
their opinionsa lot! Show your kids you
care what they think. From little things
(Which sweater should I wear?) to big
things (Where should we go on vacation
this summer?), asking for your
childrens input shows them that their
views count and that they have a part in
the decision making process.
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The need to feel empowered never goes away. It only grows
stronger as we age. I know that when Im empowered in my job or
any aspect of my life, I feel independent, important, and capable.
Independent, important, and capable. Thats exactly how I want
my child to feel throughout his childhood, and well beyond.
You see, empowering children isnt about relinquishing parental
control. Its about letting kids to learn how to manage their time,
their impulses, and their goals.
Thats a total win-win.
*****
In Conclusion By now you may have noticed that the way to change your childs
behavior is really to change your own behavior.
1. Take care of yourself first.
2. Pay attention to your kids.
3. Empower your children.
If you start with these three changes in your behavior, youre sure
to see changes for the better in your childs behavior.
Heres to happy children and happy homes,
PeaceInYourHome.com
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P.S.P.S.P.S.P.S. If you havent already done so, make sure you take some time
to head over to my website at www.PeaceInYourHome.com, where
youll find many, many more articles and resources on how to make
parenting easier.
And hey, if you enjoyed reading this guide and found what Ive been
sharing with you useful, why not tell a parent friend. Itll help me
out and Im sure your parent friend will thank you for it.