thislife issue 7

TEENS vs PARENTSmaking it all better

thislifeIssue

7

stories of hope l local living l contemporary faith

www.thislife.org.za

in search of meaning

WIN!A weekend away, perfumes, children’s pizzafest and loads more...

HOW I SAY SORRY AT THE OFFICE -South Africans around the globe

PENNY HEYNS on Chad le Clos

Easiest ice-creamlook, no machine!

Rondebosch housemates

spill the beans

HOT TIPS FOR HUSBANDS!

FREE

06 sportymoment Penny Heyns on chocolate and Chad le Clos08 studentrap Rondebosch housemates spill the beans on life in digs09 foodielife Easiest ever ice-cream20 worklife25 lovelife Hot tips for husbands! 26 parentlife

04 younglife Why parents shouldn’t text, and WIN a pizzafest!05 locallife10 dailylife Pippa Shaper pushes through personal tragedy to help Cape Town’s children13 betterlife How to be a fabulous friend14 mylife How Shaun Shelly beat addiction 18 photomoment A moment of joy23 coolstories24 hotmedia28 infomoment courses/groups/support for YOU29 marketplace

las32 retailtherapy Marvellous gifts you feel great about buying

ON THE COVER

AND THE REST

A special thank you to Max Bosanquet and Martin Yodaiken of Cape Photography (www.capephotography.co.za) who lent us their equipment (again...)

CONTACT USWant to give input, or send a comment or question to anyone who wrote in this magazine?

[email protected] @ thislife mag

COMPETITIONSA

Please note that all our prizes, including the physical activities, are undertaken entirely at your own risk: we can’t accept any liability whatsoever for any damage or loss you may incur. Also, we may use your name in the next issue of thislife or other channels for publicity purposes. By entering any thislife competition, you accept these terms

PIZZAS AND ICE-CREAM FOR 4 CHILDREN donated by Bruegels Pizza Studio p4

TWO NIGHTS’ SELF-CATERING STAY FOR A FAMILY OF FOUR

HIS AND HER FRAGRANCES donated by Edge by Brandon Berg p5

NIGHT AWAY FOR TWO PLUS BREAKFAST donated by La Petite Dauphine p17

A 30 MINUTE BLOKART ‘SAIL’ ON LAND

BREAKFAST OR LUNCH FOR TWO donated by Friends Café p27

HARLEY DAVIDSON WHIRL FOR TWO donated by Cape Corporate Tours p20

A WEEK’S BOOT CAMP donated by Adventure Boot Camp for Women p13

SNATCH UNSTOPPABLE’ BY NICK VUJICIC

DVD ‘THE VOW’ donated by Nu Metro p25

CONGRATULATIONS to the winners from our last issue: -

up for grabs in this issue

02 thislife.org.za | issue 7

05

Want thislife delivered

to your door? We are free

issues. [email protected]

contents

25

going to throw at you and neither do we at thislife, we’ve learnt. During our latest

send a small number of you a message saying your competition entries hadn’t been registered – even though they actually had been! A wailing of epic

your frustration. We’re truly sorry, and hope that by the time you read this, all affected readers will have accepted our caffeine-coated apology of a quality cappuccino – on us.

But frustrating as that was for all concerned, there are greater curve balls in life than a competition

push on through them to do great things. Wynberg

tragedy to set up dozens of foster homes for

hope and a purpose following divorce by building

And Shaun Shelly overcame a long and devastating drug addiction to commit his life to

(though there seems to be confusion over who,

‘It’s never too late to become the person you were meant to be’.

to them personally.

cream. A balanced life, and all that. See our

heart, oh ye of little domesticity. No-one would dream of calling me a domestic goddess, in fact, my

even I am going to give this ice-cream a go after tasting the sample we made up for our shoot, and seeing how little you actually have to do. Just one

again.

Enjoy your life!

Katy MacdonaldEd

thislife.org.za | issue 7 03

and welcome to thislife magazine!

OUR TEAM: Editor Katy Macdonald | Strategic planner Dean Hand | Picture/Production editor Tonya Hester | Writers Kendi Mugambi, Natasha Curry, Designer Additional layout Simone Potter | Gift page co-ordinator Advertising/

marketing/distribution Consultants Brian Burnett, Angie Tate, Cindy Webber

To advertise with us

our editorial team: what’s not to love?

you

‘Like’ us on facebook right now and you stand a chance to win one of 5 ‘Hello Love’Joyful Noise’

PS Want to model for us? See p8.PPS Just in case you’re wondering, this mag is anchored by a cool group of Anglican

YOU ASKED ITQ: How can I have a life that counts? A: daring to be honest! For example, saying no to

when you’ve done something wrong, and not lying about

respect, whether it’s your parents, friends, teachers, the ‘cool’ group or the not-so-cool, even the people who bully others. The golden rule, which Jesus gave, is to treat

will help you.

Answer by Barbara Richardson, children’s church co-ordinator @ Christ Church, Kenilworth


younglife

Whyparentsshouldn’t text

to follow) for you and three friends at

WIN!

Local living


locallife

what’s new in cape town

All features on this page are genuine editorial comment – thislife does not do advertorial in any shape or form!

rejoice

Is malaria on the way out? Thanks to Kelly Chibale, it could well be

meet the man behind the team which may have found a breakthrough

with international partners will soon start testing it on humans.

molecule will do the same in humans – and equally importantly, block the transmis-sion of malaria from person to person via the mosquito.

Prof, what got you interested in trying to cure malaria? ‘I wanted to use my talents

and for the world.’How likely is it that what worked in animal tests will work for humans? ‘There’s

If the drug works on humans, what timescale are we talking? ‘Six to eight years’.Your motto in life? winning and satisfying combination,

cycleMoonlight Mass

Alone, or with a group, what better way to spend the evening with the moon as

shopFab Things can only be described as a little shop whole host of innovative items to give away - or even

they’re all fresh and funky here. And don’t worry, they

believes local is lekker, and not

pretty amazing. It’s our passion to bring you the best and most beauti-fully created local décor and more,’

48 2nd Avenue,

and now in the new Newlands Quarter too. 021 672 2229.

facebook

picture by www.chrishitchcock.co.za

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT CAPE TOWN COULDN’T GET ANY BETTER, IT DID.

TEEN TALENTHow’s this for Capetonian

enterprise? SACS schoolboy Brandon Berg has been designing

clothes since he was 14, and sells the range, called Edge by Brandon Berg, at

Square. Now, aged all of 16, he’s added scent to his repertoire with a ‘his’ and ‘her’

www.edgebybrandonberg.com or

both scents - for your chance to win one of each, simply

SMS EDGE


sportymomentpicture by Merwelene van der Merwe

MOST IRRITATING HABIT IN SELF?

Best sporting moment?

broken my own world record during the prelims that morning, so the goal was to improve on that, and if

won the race but my time was slightly slower than the morning, so I had mixed feelings. I was relieved and happy at the win, but disappointed with the time

Worst sporting moment?Slipping on the starting block at an international meet

some ways not that important, but it was televised in

into the pool and was last at the turn, but I made up

thing was that it gave myself and fellow competitors something to laugh about

Cappuccino/rooibos/other?Caffè latte

Guilty pleasure?Lindt chocolate. I try not to eat it more than once or twice a week! I actually eat more now than when I was

where the chocolate isn’t as good!

Your reaction when Chad le Clos beat Michael Phelps to win gold in the London Olympics?I was extremely proud of Chad! It was a great example of swimming with heart, and never giving up. He proved the seemingly ‘impossible’ is possible

What’s he like? I don’t know him well but I believe he’s a very hard and diligent trainer. And he appears very humble

Your advice to Chad for the next Olympics?Repeating as a medallist is one of the hardest things to do. Surround yourself with the right people who’re there to look after your best interests, not their own.

opportunities, and don’t compromise your swimming

Your take on Cameron van der Burgh using an extra dolphin kick in his gold-winning Olympic breaststroke race?

-able to do illegal kicks! I think he’s a better swimmer than that, and didn’t need to resort to illegal tactics to win

Hardest thing you ever had to do, and how you coped?

day at a time, and I know some day I will see her again

You and God?

-ship with every individual, and loves us despite our sin

Your top piece of motivational advice?

that you can be!

Penny Heyns, 38, is widely regarded as one of the best female breaststroke swimmers the world has ever seen. She is still the only woman in Olympic history to have won both the 100m and 200m breast-

Olympic gold medal in 44 years. Penny swam in three successive Olympics, and broke 14 world records in her swimming career. Having retired from competing in 2001, Penny transitioned highly

South Africa and abroad. She also commentates on television and runs swimming clinics at every level. Currently based in Pretoria, Penny graciously granted thislifeon South Africa’s exciting swimming stars

swim


sportymoment

your own race

this page proudly sponsored by Redford Capital


studentrap

No rules and no clean spoons: this is the best and the worst of life in digs, say Rondebosch house-mates Warwick Kay, Jess Kuhlenthal, Mike Duminy, Nick Key, Adri Coetzee and Sheldon Yoko

DOES LIVING IN DIGS mean piles of unwashed plates in the sink and dubious take-aways? Well…yes and no, say these six Rondebosch housemates, a mixture of students and working types. Read on...(by the way, they all talked at once, so we’ve squished their answers into one voice!)What’s the best thing about living in digs?

– we never get bored

And the worst?No clean spoons, paying bills and the green pool

Craziest situation you’ve had to deal with?

opened his bedroom door. Who got the bigger

were all pretty freaked out so we sat and drank

the experience actually brought us closer

What do you wish you’d known before you moved in?

-

– and sometimes that’s the untidy side. Maybe

we should set up a housemate interview process which includes messing up the kitchen and asking ‘DO YOU SEE ANYTHING WRONG HERE?’!

-ting to class is crazy expensive now

If personal contacts don’t work out, use the

own personal research too. When you visit the digs, ask the locals what the area’s like safety-

person left and check out the rooms of your potential new housemates for over-the-top untidiness!

What do you eat when there’s no money left in the budget?

rotis!

MODEL FOR US? Wanna model for thislife

head of video

production

who miraculo

usly managed to

get all his hous

emates in the

same place at the

same time

for our photog

rapher! moving in...

WIN! Muizenberg for

you and three friends!

www.blokart.co.za

foodielife

Yoghurt ice-cream (recipe by Sally Bingham of Claremont)

(no machine needed!)

Here’s one of our winning recipes from our Easy Ice-Cream competition. We tested it – it’s utterly delicious and SO easy! Have fun by serving it in quirky containers: teacups, espresso cups, assorted glasses…

WHAT YOU NEED (serves 8 to 10)

OR

WHAT YOU DO cream and fold into this mixture. Freeze overnight, or for as long as you can wait before indulging!

Go to www.thislife.org.za to see our other winning recipe for rooibos and honey ice-creamby Janet Knight of Kommetjie


a life in the day of…Pippa Shaper, co-founder of Home from Home


dailylife

Coffee at Spades & Spoons breathes life into Pippa Shaper, who has survived tragedy to set up numerous foster homes

Pippa Shaper, 47, was born and educated in London. She worked as a fashion buyer for Marks & Spencer before marrying celebrated South African lyricist Hal Shaper, with whom she moved to Cape Town in 1992 and had four children

After Hal died in 2004, Pippa co-founded Home from

homes for children in need. In 2007 she married business-man Sean Wiblin, and they live in Wynberg with Harry, her youngest son


dailylife

y alarm goes off at

because while Sean puts fresh water next to the bed at night, I’m the one who gets up in the morning to brew

and gets himself ready for school, so my routine isn’t too rushed. I do the morning school run to Wester-

usually listen to music in relative silence. I’ve tried to

no avail!

others I schedule breakfast meetings – a good time for

which has excellent early-morning specials, and I’m

I go to the gym, run or do some yoga before the day starts. It may sound a well-oiled routine, but believe me, it doesn’t always go smoothly!

to connect, discuss any issues and plan the week

Western Cape, and my mornings generally consist of visiting foster parents at the homes and meeting with

donors range from large foundations to a domestic

-ronment for as many vulnerable children as possible.

parents. Looking after other people’s children is a

can usually squeeze in exercise if I didn’t get round to

utmost to get together after work with a few girlfriends for a glass of wine, and we usually end up howling with laughter at things that have happened in our week.

I buy groceries after work, grabbing what we need for the evening meal, which either Sean or I prepare. If

family dinner. It can be hard then not to think of my daughter Lucy, who died when she was four. She con-tracted a freak, catastrophic virus and died in under

describe the pain of losing a child – it is every parent’s

was another horrendous blow, and I had no idea at

a fabulous man to be a husband for me and fantastic

helps me realise I’m a precious and much-loved piece

I miss the corporate world and the glamour? Not in

abused or sick a child is, a loving new family and good nutrition, education, and medication can give them a completely new lease on life.

what I do now gives me a profound sense of purpose and satisfaction. I’ve never once looked back. After a day’s work, when I settle down for the night, my last thought is one of absolute gratitude.’

delicious

glitz

Want to know more about Home from Home? Click on www.homefromhome.org.za

mWIN! Two nights for a family

of four, self-catering, at Kloofzicht Estate, Tulbagh

(www.kloofzichtestate.co.za)

chance to win. Competition ends 13 March 2013


advertise

betterlife


how to be... A FABULOUS FRIEND

out of our rut and bring us new per-spectives – and the very act of sharing life’s stresses with them nearly always makes us feel better.

Now medical research is showing further

they’re actually good for our health! An American study *(1)breast cancer found that women without close friends were four times as likely to die from the

six-year analysis *(2) of more than 700 middle-aged Swedish men suggested a good social network was far more important for their heart

Australian study *(3) found that older people

likely to die during the study period than those with fewer friends.

our friends bring, are we ourselves as good a friend backcan one be a fabulous friend?

It all boils down to that age-old principle, says

more than 25 years’ counselling experience -

self would like to be treated.’

How, actu-

friend you’d really like to be.

most powerful tools in friendship. Be a genuine listener, not an interrupter,

Empathy means saying ‘I understand you’re feeling disappointed about not getting the job’. -

‘It’s not that bad – think about the jobless all around us, and move on!’ A friend

move on but needs time to process things and forgive (and be aware that forgiveness is one of

-necting with your friends is vital for maintaining

the ‘cappuccino’ business meeting has now made it socially acceptable for Alpha males to meet for coffee. Men shy of coffee shops can persuade their friends to join them in anything as diverse as a cycling group, wine club or Rotary, and of course there’s always good old Watching Sport. In particular, celebrate birthdays. Vast

the day approaches and suggest a birthday

landline leave you with no excuses. Start up or

enjoy it!

about friends’ struggles, however concerned you are.

commitments to support them at their time

choices of outings or movies.

sometimes need to say how you feel ‘I know you

really love your son, but I’m concerned you’re not getting to his rugby games’. If you are told not to interfere, say calmly, ‘As your friend, I’m saying this purely out of concern for you and your relationship with your son.’

lift. And when it’s needed, a good friend simply

cup of tea

- Anonymous

* (1) Social networks, social support, and survival after breast cancer diag-nosis (Candyce Kroenke) (2) Lack of social support and incidence of coronary heart disease in middle-aged Swedish men (K Orth-Gomér) (3) Effect of social networks on 10 year survival in very old Australians (Lynne C Giles)

WIN! Camp for Women worth R690. Find the location of your nearest camp at www.adventurebootcamp.co.za

chance to winCompetition ends 13 March 2013

t


mylife

Shaun Shelly, 46, was born and grew up in Wynberg, Cape Town. He attended Westerford High School and then the University of Cape Town, which he left early to start a lucrative business career. At the height of this success, he fell prey to a drug addiction which unravelled his life. Ultimately, however, he beat the habit and turned his life around. Here he relates his story, and tells of the challenges he still faces daily

true calling

Shaun Shelly has turned his drug addiction around to help others

How Shaun Shelly clawed his way out of addiction


mylife

don’t think back on my childhood much, but if there’s anything I remember, it’s being a weedy boy who wasn’t allowed to play rugby in case he got hurt. After living through two divorces as a small child, my family relationships were inevitably fractured. I didn’t have a close relationship with most of my family, but was close to my biological brother.

School and my friendships there. I went to church with those school friends and it was

was not to last, however, and my new-found faith was tested when I attended a meeting one day in a church that wasn’t my own. I witnessed what I felt to be mass-hysteria and insincere worship and decided to discard a faith I now viewed as deceptive.

I got a good matric which earned me a place

following the obligatory two years of national service where I became a lieutenant in the infantry. I was politically naïve, only later coming to respect my brother’s decision to

wanted to make money immediately. After moving in with my father in Constantia, I saw wealth all around me and I wanted that independence and lifestyle. I embarked on a successful sales career, but although I was

large house in Newlands – it left me unsatis-

businesses which would have a good future in South Africa at that time. We set up two, a printing business and a security company that, within a short space of time, grew to include

-

for the government at a ministerial level.

met at work one day when she walked into my

extremely beautiful and our relationship blos-

were together for nine years, but I worked long

going out at night without me when I stayed at home working. I sensed the disintegration

socially in an attempt to salvage what we had.

after, we split up.

-

back from the toilets saying that some women there had been doing a line of cocaine. It was then that we all decided to go to one of the friend’s houses to try

a mere phone call away, and I soon realised that many people and friends who were a part of

my only exposure had been to one or two people smoking pot at parties.

Not much of a drinker or socialiser, never having smoked a cigarette, and having no concept or thought of addiction, I decided

In retrospect, I think it was only to be sociable that I took the decision that was to impact my

that users the world over rave about.

-

need I had ever had, and needs I never knew I had! Socialising became easy and the drugs lured me into the lifestyle and clubbing culture until I belonged there. Never alone and never

many others in this lifestyle, and together we partied from sundown to sun-up, sometimes going for days without sleeping. It was during these years that I had a short rela-tionship with Angela who became pregnant, and is the mother of my

went without them out of practical necessity, such as work meetings in Johannesburg, I became highly

solution was to use again and again.

importance to me, and collapsed from lack of headship. Item by item, I began to sell every-thing I owned to support my drug addiction. I remember having a sense of regret and guilt as I sold my once-loved, valuable collection

while my life was falling apart did I think drug

it was something else, and drugs remained my only salvation.

Seven or eight years after my

to support what was now a voracious appetite for drugs

those days is of having my arm broken by some gangsters and

-dow of a two-storey Wynberg

I could never make enough

brother and two friends tried to help me but I didn’t believe I needed help. I was unable to maintain any true relationships, any company I kept was toxic and dependent on drug avail-ability.

previous life to visit my family and children, I

beautiful

i

Shaun with daughters Mia (7) and Morgan (17)

‘THIS WAS

JUST A SPELL OF BAD

left chaos in my wake. When I got a call from Angela’s father to say that my second daugh-

having been high for days, and must have

of moments when I did manage to stay sober to visit my daughters, and I will cherish those

chocolate-coated raisins from Checkers in

while the police attended to another issue, a middle-aged gentleman spoke to me through the bars, surprised that I was in this situation. I

ever, I had a sense of how low I had fallen. After 20 minutes in a police cell, a policereservist released me and told me I didn’t

up my life and should get help.

Although I still wasn’t convinced I had a prob-lem, I started to listen to two now drug-free friends. I went to one of their houses to bath and borrow clean clothes before attending

-

self-conscious at the meeting, but there was something in every person there that felt like

‘There is no chemical solution to a spiritual problem’, but I was still sceptical, and left the meeting not

sleep, I went to the Mal Huis, a council house

me in the night, and I realised I didn’t want to

registered the chaos of active addiction.

Mal Huismy normal weight, and owned nothing except the clothes on my back and the bag I carried, which held a t-shirt and a pair of takkies. I realised there was nothing I could do to stop taking drugs, yet to continue would be to return to that Mal Huis. I began a conversa-

‘God, if you are there and you want me to be clean, I need three things from you: a place to stay, money for food and a slice of lemon meringue pie.’hungover state!).

Something happened to me then on the green-belt on which I was walking. I became fully aware of the truth of my situation. Into my head

for me as a security guard at the height of my business career. A genuine Christian, extraor-dinary in his demeanour and bearing, he had now started his own security business, which I knew he operated in that area.

-

as though he had expected me. With perfect

calm and friendliness, and without batting an eyelid, he listened as I said, ‘I’m a drug addict and I need help.’‘Fantastic! Do you need a place to stay? I have a Wendy house which was recently vacated. Here’s R500 for food.’ I remembered my words

requests had been met.

in my hand with no thought of buying drugs.

restaurant to get to Spar when I collided with a waitress who was carrying a tray out of the oven. It sounds so unbelievable, but the tray held a large lemon meringue pie! As I sat down

desire!

-tended NA, walking a long way there daily. I

programme is taking a step to make amends

was still a drug dealer, knowing the money could be used to buy and sell drugs. I’m pleased to say, though, that he too is now in recovery. I learned through NA to face the fact that everything I’d believed concerning drugs was a lie, and I’m still learning to reprogramme my thinking in this regard.

I’m learning to rebuild my life, and I now have

me back into their lives, and I see each of them weekly, doing everyday things like lifting

from school and doing homework with her.

we have been on an annual holiday together -

ing admin part-time to make ends meet so I

-

programme under strict supervision, working as a full-time volunteer until we secure govern-ment funding. I still live in the accommodation

We’re like brothers, and I can never repay his kindness to me.

I’m still in recovery, which is a process, and 16 thislife.org.za | issue 7

mylife

friendless

parties

Ferdinand Malanga Katalay, whose kindness was pivotal in Shaun’s recovery process

still occasionally attend NA meetings. Like all drug addicts, I’m highly susceptible to stress and certain triggers, and it hasn’t been an easy road. I have relapsed once, and in some

this. I felt as though I had lost my new-found purpose, but I realised that life is not about the falling, but about the getting up again. I went back to studying and obtained a counselling

clearly called to specialise in drug addiction, I’m working towards a post-graduate diploma in addictions care through Stellenbosch

is challenging, and not to be recommended for those who aren’t constantly aware of their own

of which I’m certain, though, is that this is my true calling.

I believe there’s a human condition which feeds addiction, and that is our need for three

and a spiritual connection. We place too much

live our lives saying, ‘Who am I, does the world like me?’, which always leaves us wanting. When our identity comes from our spiritual

ourselves and who loves us without reserve, I


mylife

Shaun’s advice for drug users

1. Be honest with yourself and ADMIT you have a problem

2. ASK

3. ACT

WIN! in a luxury suite at La Petite (www.lapetite.co.za)

Simply SMS PETITE to Competition ends 13 March 2013

photomoment


MOMENT OF JOY...


photomoment

picture by Tonya Hester

WIN! A 2-hour chauffeured Harley Davidson whirl for 2 from Camps Bay your chance to win. Competition ends www.capecorporatetours.co.za Harley team-building/corporate

worklife


TELL US ABOUT A TIME YOU HAD TO SAY SORRY AT WORK! I once was extremely rude to a senior colleague, and the re-lationship between us was very strained. I was quite sure I was in the right, and he in the wrong, but that assurance did not make for more harmonious relationships. So I decided to break the negative atmos-phere and write him a letter to say sorry. It was easier than a face-to-face confrontation, which could have ended up making matters worse

YOUR NUMBER ONE TIP FOR MANAGING PEOPLE WELL? Look not at what they are today, but what they will become tomorrow

IF YOU’VE EVER GOT WORK AND PLAY OUT OF BALANCE, WHAT HAPPENED AND WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT?

important to rest

HOW DO YOU MAKE DECISIONS AT WORK?decisions is such a crucial issue in the workplace. I need to be clear, robust and determined, and be sure my decisions are consistent with my values

HOW OFTEN DO YOU TAKE RISKS, AND HOW DO YOU COPE WITH THE PROCESS? Risk is an essential part of bank-

take

Ken Costa, 63, was born to citrus farmer parents in

Tzaneen, and studied at Wits before going on to study at Cambridge University, UK. An illustrious life in the City of London followed. He was vice-chairman of the giant UBS Investment Bank for over 30 years before becoming chairman of Lazard International, a job from which he retired in 2011. Still involved in a number of interests, he is married to Fi, a musician. They have four children and live in central London

London

South AfricansAT WORKsaying ‘yes’ to the global challenge ah, work. It can be exciting, tedious, creative or pressu-rised. Occasionally it’s all those adjectives in just one day. But

we’ve received scant training. So how do others negotiate the hurdles? thislife

picture by Ben Wetherall

worklife


HOW DO YOU MAKE DECISIONS AT WORK?

as few mistakes as possible

YOUR NUMBER ONE TIP FOR MANAGING PEOPLE WELL?

helps keep my team on track

EVER GOT WORK AND PLAY OUT OF BALANCE? I had work and

to the bone. What did I do about it? I moved to California where I have

church, and this has given me a new perspective on life, helping me to

WHAT DO YOU FEAR MOST AT WORK? Not having enough of it! In

let this unnerve me

A TIME YOU HAD TO SAY SORRY AT WORK? I can’t think of any

giving people poor direction on a set

HOW DO YOU AVOID YOUR JOB TAKING OVER YOUR LIFE? I work in a profession that attracts workaholics, and have spent years trying

accordingly. I don’t spend my weekends in front of my computer, and try to accept there are certain things that will simply need to wait. I don’t let my

have the perfect answer to this yet!

YOUR NUMBER ONE TIP FOR MANAGING PEOPLE? -

ple at work, colleagues usually respond positively, which makes

probably good communication and the ability to listen

EVER GOT WORK AND PLAY OUT OF BALANCE?

balance in this area is not sustainable so I’ve learnt to make a con-

Saturday, and connect with friends and church on Sunday, too

WHAT DO YOU FEAR MOST AT WORK? -ing the right solution and advising accordingly is a huge responsibility

need to rely on my faith to overcome problems that appear larger than

A TIME YOU HAD TO SAY SORRY AT WORK? Recently I had to choose between apologising to a supervisor or embarking on a

sake of peace and not to waste time on trivial things, I apologised immediately and promised to be more considerate the next time.

apology engendered more respect and understanding between the supervisor and me, and strengthened our work relationship

Commercial photographer James Baigrie, 41, grew up in Cape Town, and studied at Bishops College, then UCT, before moving to New York City, where he discovered photography. He is married to Capetonian Karen Stead, whom he met when she was au pairing in New York. They now live across the Golden Gate bridge from San Francisco with their two sons, two dogs, a snake and a gecko

Natasha Naidoo, 40, was born in Durban. She practised as a criminal defence lawyer and public prosecutor in South Africa before becoming a legal advisor in the Appeals Chamber of the International Criminal Court in The Hague, Netherlands, nine years ago. She loves good food and (fortunately) travelling and meeting new people

San Francisco

The Hague

picture by Heather Hryciw


advertise

ialways wanted to do some kind of poverty relief work but I went through the wars for a while in my life, including a horrendous four-year divorce which I tried hard to avoid. I felt challenged in

as friends.

I went through a healing period, then an opportunity came up in my church to go with a medical and building team to a hospital in

African shores!

nations in the world and I was blown away by -

gascans only came up to my shoulder – and

people live in mud huts or huge metal drums.

people have anything like a fridge.

the airport by bus. It was very clean, but very

bounds!

-one has to go with you to do your washing,

shacks outside or on mats under trees. When the monsoons come, they cram into the metal drums, or sleep under the patient’s bed! We felt the biggest building need was for canteens and accommodation for these families, as well as a boundary wall to stop people, dogs and other animals using the hospital as a shortcut!

helped inside the hospital, and a building

building materials, and we all paid for our own airfares and accommodation – about

the time we had left, we had done double the amount of work planned, and the locals could

to go back to the hospital every year. I’m very excited about the next trip, and really hope

build things themselves.

hurts and disappointments in life to build us up stronger, and to use us to show his love to the world. When life is hard, we’re tempted to believe we have lost out, but we need to ignore that feeling. Life might have thrown me a curve ball, but I ended up being part of a team that worked for others. It feels as if I was raised up from the ashes, and given hope and a purpose.’

Robin Williams found hope and healing while working on a hospital in Madagascar

Robin Williams

clean

ashes

Robin went on the Madagascar mission with Common Ground Church (www.commonground.co.za)


coolstories

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Cabin Fever, by Jeff KinneyReviewed by Uel Osano, 10, Kenilworth schoolboy

because it’s interesting, super-hilarious and easy to read

each other.

Rowley gets him into trouble by sending an anonymous note to the principal which says, school,’

though my mother loved reading it as well!’


hotmedia

Unbroken, by Laura Hillenbrand Reviewed by Dalmari Steward, secretary, Plumstead

from R170

-ship and endurance in all its forms. Recounting the life of Louis Zamperini, an Olympic runner and World War II vet-

eran, its story of a man suffering, surviving and forgiving inspired me deeply.

Louis’ story has broad appeal, but will have particular interest for anyone interested in North America’s involvement as an ally in the war, and particularly in the conditions that prisoners of war were forced to endure in Japanese camps.

I’m not a fan of historical details but what particularly interested

survive. It inspired me never to give up hope.’

Capetonians tell us what inspired them

DVD The VowReviewed by Karen van Niekerk, admin assistant, Tokai

all leading DVD retailers R159,95

his is a love story! A dramatic Romeo-and-Juliet-type story, with love, pain, deceit, honour... all the ingredients of a good

movie. On their delightfully unique wedding day, Leo promises

and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once-in-a-lifetime love.’

I don’t want to ruin the plot and say what happens in this movie,

The romance is fun, light and endearing, but there is tragedy and pain too, which is dealt with sincerely. I felt totally immersed in the situation.

Leo is every woman’s hero, as he single-mindedly pursues his

the marriage vow, and just how serious it actually is.’

t

t i

WIN! ‘Unstoppable’. Simply SMS your chance to win one of 3 copies. Competition ends

13 March 2013. (Prize donated by CUM www.cum.co.za

Life without Limits: Inspiration for a Ridiculously Good Life

from R109,95

and was considering suicide by the age of eight. Yet

now 30, learnt to type with his toes, comb his hair, answer the phone and shave, and ended up being elected captain of his school. He surfs, plays tennis, got married last year and is hoping to become a father in the future! Using his own experience in overcoming challenges, he suggests practical

visited South Africa and motivated many of the inmates and

‘Give me a big hug!’ It is greatly motivating to realise that I too can live a life without limits if I accept what I can’t control, and focus on what I can.’

a

AFFIRM! told they are beautiful, clever, talented, helpful.

it when she gets to 70 or 80? Rubbish - she does! Women also need to be thanked. Whether she’s cooked supper, done the housework or gone out to work all day, start saying thank you, and say it often!

IGNORE THE MELTDOWNS! HUGE

-tional acceptance and support when they have

-

them some understanding and acceptance. ‘It’s going to be all right,’ is often all they need

to feel happy.

LISTEN!women saying they wanted their husband’s attention! And this means full attention when

to listen to what their wives are saying. Wives want to be heard. Women like to talk!

TALK! you think. Speak to her about what’s going on in your life. She wants to know. Communicate with her about work, golf, family and how you are feeling.

HELP! be an issue in the home that needs negotiation. Women need help to meet both their physical

-ally asking to have something done until you actually do it. Look for what needs doing, and

marriage.

THINK! when a husband surprises his wife, she knows she has been thought about during the day. An unexpected gift at an unexpected time goes a long way to keeping a wife happy. A phone call

HAVE INTEGRITY! Wives admire a hus--

ing even the appearance of bad things. So don’t turn to a woman who’s not your wife for anything that may even look as if you’re doing

also want them to follow Jesus for help and direction.’Next time: HOT TIPS FOR WIVES. Whether you’re a husband or a wife, we want yours, too! Send them to [email protected]. Best tip wins the DVD ‘The Vow’, donated by Nu Metro (www.numetro.co.za)

lovelife


here’s many a wife

sorely tempted at times to buy her husband the ‘Women are from

Venus, and Men are Wrong’. For while marriage is a thing of luminous beauty, men can get a little lost navigat-ing its obscurer pathways.

In an attempt to help confused husbands, Helga

of Cape Town-based radio station , surveyed a number of women around her for their

happy. Here, she presents a selection of the responses

Best thing about her marriage? ‘Having a best friend to do this life with, and being accepted for what I am. Of course it’s also great to

Hot Husbands…)

Husbands7Hot

Husbands would do well to ignore their wives’ emotional meltdownst


parentlife

TEENSvsmaking it all better

Parents

you’re scared of your teenager. In fact,

exhausting emotional rollercoasters. Everything has changed since you strutted your teenage stuff in

and your fa single thing in common. Or perhaps family life is

If any of this sounds like you, a parenting course run regularly in Kenilworth could be just what you’re looking for. Parenting Teenagers has inspired a variety of South African parents seeking to improve their parenting skills and get the best out of their relationship with their teens. Here, two Capetonians tell how the course helped them

SO,

Teens testing you? Learning to listen to them could be the key to mutual happiness

up my parenting skills now that I had a teen--

agehood with minimum fuss and was sailing along happily, but I wanted to learn how to

negotiate this new arena as the dynamics of our relationship changed.

-

to learn how to negotiate a choice of movies, or

husband in 2008. Its appeal was that it emphasised wholesome family values while still acknowledging

All the facilitators were experienced parents who

shared from personal experience and their insights

created an atmosphere where one could talk

I was learning, and gave me the opportunity to put

reassurance that I was taking the changing relation-ship seriously.

one’s teenagers more freedom, and the space to take responsibility for their own decisions.

-couragement. A parent can easily get distracted by

focus on the long-term goal of helping teenagers

young adults able to make their way in the world. It reminded me of the importance of a consistent, loving home environment, good values and healthy relationships in achieving this goal.’

t

WIN! at Friends Café, Claremont (www.friendscafe.co.za)

for your chance to winCompetition ends 13 March 2013

i


parentlife

for the course in 2008

revor and I attended the course when our

ourselves with the skills necessary for raising teenagers. We knew we’d need them to cope with the physical and emotional changes our

children were going through.

on biblical values and featuring both live speakers

changes and modern pressures to helping your teen

or tea when we arrived, listened to a talk, watched a

similar challenges was an added bonus – there’s something very therapeutic about knowing your situation isn’t unique!

-ing issues such as drugs, alcohol and other vices,

and parents often don’t know how to help them navigate life and still come out on top. We wanted

course taught us the importance of providing our teens with a loving space where they would feel safe

because they knew we loved them, no matter how they behaved.

We’d always believed children had to listen to their parents, but never realised we needed to listen to them, too. We began to allow them to interact with us and voice their opinions more. Learning to listen and express empathy for your teenagers’ feelings

improved.’

empathy

freedom

Parenting Teens is run intermittently

WHO’S IT FOR? Any parent of a teen-

their relationship with their teen. No need to be a church member!

WHY DO IT?stop and think about some of the challenges that we face as parents,’ says co-ordinator

relationships with your teenager, as well as having time to work through tricky issues. It’s also good to know you’re not alone in your parental challenges!’

THE NEXT COURSE will be held

infomoment


parenting BABIES Share the experience of motherhood at Moms Connect baby and toddler group, with good coffee and new friends in a sup-portive environment. Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth.

11.30am. Babies & toddlers obviously

Join other parents to

agers at Parenting Teens, a term-long course (see our feature on this course

Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Sue Penzhorn on 021 797 6332

marriagecourse open to all couples, church members or not! Run three times a year by Christ Church, Kenilworth. Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Sue Penzhorn on

more details

ALREADY MARRIEDdate with your spouse? Just the two

delicious meal and have some input to encourage and challenge you in your relationship! Recommended for ALL marriages, blooming or a little parched. No need to belong to any church.

Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Sue Penzhorn on 021 797 6332 or

personal on where

your responsibilities lie – and where

without comparing yourself to others? The Boundaries Course has been run for 10 years, with great results. Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Sue Penzhorn on

more details

, a recovery support group which offers help and healing for the hurt of losing someone you love, is run by Meadowridge Baptist Church.

when the next group is starting up

St John’s Parish, Wynberg, runs a

teen youth groups ies at Christ Church, Kenilworth,

,

,

H4K

and

073 725 697

divorce-

shops aimed at anyone who hasexperienced the devastation of separa-tion or divorce. Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Sue Penzhorn on 021 797 6332 or

helping othersHABITAT

www.habitat.org.za

SCHOOLCHILDREN?

spiritualityALPHA is a fun, non-threatening course that examines the claims of Christian-ity, aimed particularly at anyone who

www.alpha.co.za for courses round the country. Alternatively, contact the following churches for details of their

Emmanuel Church, Wynberg

YOU?a lively group of six Anglican churches

For 200 years the Church’s Ministry

been investing in the spiritual rebirth of the Jewish People and present-ing Jesus the Jew to Christians. To

go to www.cmj-sa.org, or contact John

prayer PRAYER CLINIC Anyone with physical, emotional or spiritual needs is welcome to be prayed for by experienced prayer counsellors from local Cape Town churches. Patients are usually referred by doctors, but you can self-refer by

There is no charge. Thursdays from 4 to 5.30pm at Medicross, 67 Rosmead

Call Radio CCFm’s Prayer Friend Line at any hour of the day or night. It’s manned by people used to dealing with a wide

are held atClaremont Methodist Church, Thursdays at 1pm, for anyone who

LIFE SUPPORT Looking for something new? Maybe there’s something here for you…


marketplace

your guide to local services (take the las out of looking)


marketplace

Mail us on [email protected]


marketplace

Maybe we’re biased, but we assume that if our advertisers choose our mag, they must be good. However, if you don’t receive total satisfaction,

LOOKING FOR FAB GIFTS?communities that produce them. It’s a win-win way to give!

feelgoodtop 10presents (plus one for luck!)

retailtherapy 511

2

7

4

8

9

3

10

6

1

1. Hot cup holders, R46

021 671 11952. Babygrow, R120

3. Pottery magnets, R45development initiative in Johannesburg townships. Call Henry on

4. Soft penguin, R290 By Homegrow, an upliftment programme involving Rwandan refugees. From Caramel & Co, Palmyra Junction, 021 671 11955. Eco-friendly hangers, R60

6. Crocheted facecloths, R58 Handmade by the elderly in Bredasdorp. From Wellness Warehouse, Palmyra Junction, 021 671 23637. Ribbon bracelet, R170 By Elolo, a women’s job creation project.

8. Soy candles, R125 Handmade by ladies from Imizamo Yethu township, Hout Bay. From Wild Olive, Cavendish Square,

9. Unisex t-shirts, R200

10. Embroidered frame, R195 Handstitched by women in the Ingwavuma community, KwaZulu-Natal. Available in Cape Town

11. Heart cushion, R300 By Homegrow, an upliftment programme involving Rwandan refugees. From Caramel & Co, Palmyra Junction, 021 671 1195

Documents

thislife issue 7