DarrenLittlejohn

TheYogaofLettingGo

Howtohealyourselffromgriefandlossandfindrecoveryfromtraumaticrelationships

FirstpublishedbyRainbowLightMediain2018

Copyright©DarrenLittlejohn,2018

Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,storedortransmittedin

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Thisbookisnotintendedtobeasubstituteforthemedicaladviceofalicensedphysician.

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authorhasmadeeveryefforttoensurethattheaccuracyoftheinformationwithinthis

bookwascorrectattimeofpublication.Theauthordoesnotassumeandherebydisclaims

anyliabilitytoanypartyforanyloss,damage,ordisruptioncausedbyerrorsoromissions,

whethersucherrorsoromissionsresultfromaccident,negligence,oranyothercause.

Firstedition

ForSheba,whodiedinmyarmsasIwaswritingthisbook.

Contents

Welcome

IntroductionANoteonStyle

WhatYou’llFindHere

LearntoLetGowithoutGivingUp

BitterandSweet:OneTaste

ThingsWeLoseJournalPractice:ListthePhases

ThingsWeHoldOnto

HowtoDothePractices

TheRestraintsandObservances:YamasandNiyamasDefinitions

Yamas(YAHMAS)

Niyamas(NEEYAMAS)

Aparigraha

Practice:TheZenofLettingGo

Practice:HoardingInventory

LetGoandLetGodPractice:20in20

ThereareNoShortcuts:SpiritualBypassingPractice:NineRoundBreathing

DidtheBuddhaDotheYoga?Practice:MindfulAwareness

GriefPractice:LetGoofOldIdeas

Practice:LossInventory

TheElementsElementsPractice:DowntoEarth

ElementsPractice:GrabSomeAir

ElementsPractice:FireitUp!

ElementsPractice:WateroffaDuck

ElementsPractice:SpaceisNotaPlace

DoYouHavePTSD?TheSymptomsofPTSD

Experiencingorwitnessingalife-threateningevent

Flashbacks

Practice:TouchDown

Nightmares

Practice:ShiftAwareness

Avoidingpeople,places,orthings

Practice:GroundedPresence

Beingconstantlyonthelookoutforthreats

MindfulAwareness:GeneralBody

Gettingstartledeasily

MindfulAwareness:Breath

Depressionorirritability

MindfulAwareness:Mind

Chronicpain

MindfulAwareness:PainBody

Feelingpanicked

MindfulAwareness:BreathRelease

Symptomsthatlastlongerthanamonth

Practice:LettingGoofaTraumaBond

Conclusion

Resources

Acknowledgments

AboutTheAuthor

Welcome

Thankyouforreadingthisbook.Pleaseshareitwithothers.

VisitmyAmazonAuthorPagehere.

Wincontestsandgetcoolstuff,personalpicsonInstagram@12stepbuddhist

AlsobyDarrenLittlejohnThe12-StepBuddhistKindleandprintTheYogaofSelfCompassion (Book IofTheYogaofTransformationSeries)

(Kindle)PerfectPractice(Kindle)ThePowerofVow(Kindle,Print,Audio)HowtoGainNothingfromBuddhistPractice(Kindle,Print,Audio)

GetMeditationsforFree.Signuptomyreaderlistatthe12stepbuddhist.comforfreerecordedmeditations,podcastsandtobenotifiedwhenotherupcomingbooksareavailable.You’llbeabletodownloadadvancereadercopiesforFREEassoonastheylaunch!

PleasesharethelinktothisbookonSocialMedia.Hereitis:http://bit.ly/yogaoflettinggoThatwouldbesuperhelpfulandwillhelpothersfindsomerelief.

Buyacopyforsomeoneyoulove.It’seasytoemailittotheminstantlyontheKindlestore.

E

Introduction

verythingissacredprayer.Theholdingonandthelettinggo.Whenwecometosee

thingsthisway,wecanbeginaspiritualpractice.

This is the second in a series of three books that make up The Yoga of

TransformationSeries.Theirgoalistohelpyoutransformyourlifefromwaysthatno longerserveyou, toways thatdo.Eachbook in theseries is standalone.Theydon’tneed tobe read inorder.But theyarewritten towork together. Ifyoucanreadthemall,you’llgetthemostbenefit.

The first, The Yoga of Self Compassion, dealt with the story of how we candevelop a sense of self-love by first learning to accept what is, which includesourselves,asweare.Infact,that’stheonlythingwecanaccept.Thisistheimpetusandthesourceofpowertochangeeverything.All.Thebookyou’rereadingisaboutgrief, loss and healing from trauma—truly an act of self-compassion. The thirdbookisTheYogaofBeingaBadass, aguide toself-empowerment foranyonewhowantstoliveinmagickallday,everyday.

ANoteonStyle

Ifanyofthisdoesn’tworkforyou,Iunderstand.Ifyouhaveanopenmindandarewilling toworkwith thematerial, I’m confident that changewill happen—if youwantit.Ifyouhaveaclosedheartormindandareconvincedthatyou’vetrieditall

orthatnothingwillhelp,thenIdoubtthere’smuchanybookorteachingcandoforyou.Butthat’syourbusiness.Mineistohealandtosharewhathasworkedforme.

Mystyleasawriter/practitionerover theyearshasbecomean integrationofmodalitiesandsystems. Inallofmyworkonmyself that I sharewithyou, Idoacoupleofthingswhichwillbereflectedagaininthisbook.Innoparticularorder,we examine a problem, in this case learning to let go of people, places, things,attitudes, beliefs and control. I share my own struggles on the problem, withoccasionalreferencetofellowpractitioners.

Then we look at explanations and solutions from Western perspectives;psychology, spirituality, metaphysics. These explanations are compared andcontrastedwithEasternsystems.Youknow,thoseoldschoolyogiswhodwelledindeserts and caves and contemplated the same conditions of suffering in theircontextsandtimezones,whobegantounderstand,learn,channelandteachonthesolutionstosuffering.

I always offer practices.These practices are channeled, downloaded frommyownmeditations,orgiventomebymysacredteachers.SometimesIfindthingsinbooks or in ameme on Instagram.Oh, if youwant to connectwithme, trymyInstagram.I’mhavingalotmorefunwiththatplatformlately.Ialsogetsomeofthepracticesfromrandompeopleincoffeeshops,soberfriendsinmeetings,overtext,oronsocialmedia.WhatevertheAngelsandBuddhasandhealingancestorscallmyattentiontoiswhatIdrawfrom.

But that’s generally my forte, style, and expertise. Integration, not mixing,whichI’lldiscussintheOneTastechapter.East,West.Personalexamples.Appliedpractices.

InAlcoholicsAnonymouswesay,thespirituallifeisnotatheory,ithastobelived.

SoItrytoliveitanddopracticesthatdealdirectlywithlifeasitis.Ifyoudon’t like thewordspiritual, trynot toworry.Oneof theother things

that I recommend is tomodify, customize and tailor any of these things to your

ownneeds. I’mnot trying to create a brand or an institution. Just trying to easesomesufferingformyselfandothertravelers,likeyou.

WhatYou’llFindHere

You’regoing to findcompassion.You’regoing to findsometruth, someevidencebasedresearchandsimple,practicalthingsthatyoucandotohealyourself.You’renotgoing togetplatitudes, easy answers, shortcutsor avoidance techniques.Youalreadyknowenoughaboutthosethings.

InthisbookIwanttodiscussthingsrelatedtoourhumanprocessoflettinggo,aswellasholdingonandtheproblemsassociatedwiththat.Afterall,ifitwereeasy,we wouldn’t have so much trouble doing it. But it’s not easy, either from theperspectiveoftheEasternpractices,orWesternpsychology.Lettinggoisdefinitelynoteasyinoureverydaylives.

Weholdontothingsthatwethinkaregoodforusandtothingsthatweknowaren’t

goodatall.

Buddhistandyogicphilosophiescallthisholdingonattachment.We’lltalkaboutthekindsofthingsweholdonto:people,places, things,attitudes,beliefs, feelings.Someofthethingsweclingtoaren’treallytangiblethingsatall,suchastheeffectsof trauma, whether it happened early or later in life. You may suffer fromsymptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, which contributes to aninabilitytotrulyletgo.Thesethingscanbesodeepwithinusthatwethinktheyareus,andonlythroughyearsofsustainedpracticessuchastherapy,mindfulnessandspiritual work, physical and other yogas can we come to a place where we’reactually aware that we’re holding on. From there we can make a beginning onlettinggo.

Ofcourseyouprobablyknow that I’manaddict in recovery.Allof theworkthatIdoisrelatedtothatandisdirectlyapplicabletopeopleinrecoveryaswellaspeoplewhoarenotaddicts.Weallhaveourattachments.

Addictionsareattachmentsgonewildandarerelatedtotraumas.

Not everyonewho’s addicted has been traumatized, and not everyonewho’sbeen traumatizedwill becomeaddicted.But a lotofpeoplewhoare addictshaveexperienced deep traumas. People with severe trauma have a greater chance ofbecomingaddicts.Addictionis,ofcourse,aspectrum.I’mworkingonthisconceptin a book called Compassionate Recovery. Get on my reader group email list atthe12stepbuddhist.comsoIcanletyouknowwhenthatcomesout.Inthatbook,I’llbepresentinganewtypeofprogramwhichincludesalllevelsofattachmentontheproblemsideofthespectrum,andalltypesofprinciplesandpracticesonthesolution

side.Butwe can say, obviously, that addictions arebydefinitionhard to let goof.

We’lltalkabouthowpeoplelearntoletgoofaddictionsandtraumasinthisbook.Thenextbook inTheYoga ofTransformation Series isTheYoga of Being a Badass.Thatoneisaboutfindingyourpowerwhileorafterlearningtoapplythepracticesofself-compassion,self-acceptanceandlettinggo.

Oneof thebig topics that causedme towantwrite thisbook is thatof toxic,traumatic relationships. Due to trauma and addiction I allowed myself to betraumatized further and addictedworse than ever (evenwhile sober for decadesfrom drugs and alcohol) to a very toxic and destructive relationship. There’s aphenomenoncalledStockholmSyndromeorTraumaBondingwherewebecomeaddictedtoourcaptors,abusers,tormentors.Inthatsituationitbecomeshardtoletgo of the addiction to hyperarousal and stress chemicals in the brain that aredeveloped in the course of toxic bonds. That causes more addiction and more

PTSD. It is a downward spiral which costs people much, including their sanity,theirlivesandsometimesotherpeople’slives.ItouchedonthatinBookIandwe’llgetintoitmoredeeplyhere.

Idon’twantthis tobeadarktonedbookandIdon’twantmyreaderstofeelheavyordepressedaboutthesubjectmatter.I’vebeenthroughalotwithallofthesetopicsandI’vedwelledinthedarkcenterforextendedperiodsoftimeandI’mheretoreportthatIcameoutalive.Scarred.Wounded.Butinlife.

I’maJoyousLightBeinglivinginamaterialexistence.

Igotherewithhelp,a lotofhelp.AndIwant tohelpyouget toanew,goodplacewhereyoucanbeyourbest.Soifthematerialhereseemshard,Iencourageyoutohavecourage.Bestrong.ComewithmeonthejourneyandI’llhelpyoufindthewaytoyourownpower.Yourdivinepower.Yourbirthright.It’swhoIamandit’swhoyouareandit’stimetostopdenyingit.

Buttherealityisthatwehavetofeelthepaintohealthepain.Thereisnoshortcut.

InTheYoga of SelfCompassion,we learnedandpracticed self-acceptancewithwhat the great psychologist Albert Ellis called Unconditional Self-acceptance(USA),whichisprettymuchidenticalwithwhatAlcoholicsAnonymouscallslifeonlife’s terms. Zen masters call it satori and contemporary non-dualists (those whoteachthatat-one-mentissimpleandeasy)likeEckhartTollecallitThePowerofNow.

Thiswillbethebasisforourworkonlettinggo.

M

LearntoLetGowithoutGivingUp

ostof us think that letting gomeans givingup. If I let goof that job I’mtrying to get, I simplymove on and apply formore jobs. The samewith

relationships.IfIletgothenofcourseIstoptexting.Wishing.Tryingtofigureoutwhathappened.Wemayfeelthattoletgoistobasicallystoptrying.

But lettinggo is really a fundamental spiritual tool that anyonecanuse tobelighter,happierandmorefree,withoutgivingupwhatwecareabout.Problemis,we’renot really taughthow to let go.We’re taughthow to clutch fordear life toeverythingwecanasifourlifedependsonit.

InTheYogaofLettingGo,it’struetheoneofthewaysthatwepracticeisthatwestop trying. But it’s not thatwe halt our efforts. Similar to holding a yoga pose,thereissomebalancebetweeneffortandnon-effort,strengthandease.

We learn to let go of clinging, butwe also knowwhere the edge of holding onwith

strengthandintentioncrossesthelinetoclutchingoutoffearanddesperation.

Yourlifeisanunbelievablegift.Howwillyouholdontoitwithoutsqueezingittodeath?

It’seasytoclingontowhatweloveandpushawaywhatwereject.Yettheactofclingingis,accordingtoBuddha,theverysourceofallsuffering.Wellthatkindasucks, right? Everybody loves pleasure. Nobody loves pain. OK,maybe there’s amasochistortwoouttherebutdotheyreallywanttosuffer?Maybeforthemnot

sufferingissuffering.Butfortherestofus,we’rereallyallinthesameboataseveryotherlivingbeing.Wedon’twanttosuffer.

This is a principle that’s very easy tounderstand intellectually, but extremelydifficulttopracticeinourheart.Ifwecouldunderstandthatevenourworstenemyorevildoer-of-the-weeksimplywantswhatweallwant — happiness — wouldwebeabletohatethatperson?Wouldwefeelsomesmallprickofcompassionforthem?Becauseonsomelevel,they’rejustlikeus.Right?

Simple,butnoteasy.Ifwecanlearntobeinastateoflettinggo,wecanstillenjoyeverything.Butwe

don’tneedanything.That’sthemagicoflettinggo.

“Thegreatvalueofknowinghowto[letgo]surrenderisthatanyandallfeelingscan

beletgoofatanytimeandanyplaceinaninstant,anditcanbedonecontinuouslyand

effortlessly.”ExcerptFrom:DavidHawkins.“LettingGo:ThePathwayofSurrender.”

Thisisreallygoodnews.I’vepracticedZenBuddhistmeditation,aswediscusscomingup,forover30years.Thisisapracticeoflettingthemomentandourselvesbeexactly as it is andasweare.But thatdoesnotmeangivingup. If thismakessense to you now, then you’re ahead of the game. I’ll teach you how I do thesepracticesinthepagesahead.Thankyouforbeingwillingtojoinmeonthisjourney.

Whatistheimpactofnotlettinggo?

IhaddinneratmyfavoriteThaiplacerecentlyandwoundupsharingthetablewitha couple of ER docs. We talked about the role of stress in illness. From theirperspectivestressplayssomerolebuttheyhadahardtimesayinghowmuch.Fromthe perspective of Western medicine, however, stress can inhibit healing andrecovery for most illnesses. From an Eastern perspective, the ability to relax is

everything.As a long-termmeditator, I can saywithout adoubt thatholdingon,clingingandrefusingtoletgohascausedmealotofharm.

One interesting author that I follow is both a spiritual healer and amedicaldoctor.Hereiswhathehastosay.

“Thepressureofsuppressedfeelingsislaterfeltasirritability,moodswings,tensionin

the muscles of the neck and back, headaches, cramps, menstrual disorders, colitis,

indigestion, insomnia,hypertension,allergies,andother somatic conditions.…There isa

halting of spiritual growth and eventually the development of physical and emotional

illness, disease, aging, and premature death. The projection of these repressed feelings

results in the social problems, disorders, and the increase of selfishness and callousness

characteristicofourpresentsociety.Mostofall,theeffectistheinabilitytotrulyloveand

trustanotherperson,whichresultsinemotionalisolationandself-hatred.”ExcerptFrom:DavidHawkins.“LettingGo:ThePathwayofSurrender.”

Dr. Hawkins isn’t talking about physical exercise. His teaching is about aninternalmechanismoflettinggo.Thatinandofitselfwillhaveimmensebenefittothose who practice. Imagine how much you can benefit if you combine it withphysicalfitness,beitcardio,cross-fit,yogaorsomethingelse.Evenjustwalkingisanextraordinarypracticewithamazingbenefits.

WhenIwashomebound,depressedandsluggish,mygirlfriendTysaboughtusa Tony Horton 10-minute workout DVD. It had a little high intensity intervaltrainingand someeasyyogaposes.Wedid thatvideoprogram fora fewmonthsanditchangedourlives.Iwholeheartedlyrecommendgettingyourheartrateupasoftenaspossible!

I’mayogateacheranddailypractitionerofPowerVinyasa.Wetalkalotaboutthe benefits of a physical yoga practice in our classes. Yet the meditation andphilosophy aspects don’t get as much attention. This book is more about the

meditationthantheposes.AsIsaid,thisbookhasacoupleofphysicalposturesbutisreallymeanttobringmoremeaningandpracticalapplicationofyogaprincipals,withorwithoutaphysicalpractice.OfcourseIencourageyoutotakeyogaclassesifyou’renotalready.ButTheYogaofLettingGowillhelpyouevenifyoudon’tdopower,oranotheryogastyle.

W

BitterandSweet:OneTaste

ehavetobecarefulwhenmixingthings,nottolosetheessence.It’soflittlevaluetomakeabland,tastelesssoupofSpiritualGreywater.Dzogchen,the

TibetanBuddhistsystemofpracticeknownasAti(Highest)Yoga,talksaboutawayofexperiencinglifethroughpractice,calledOneTaste.It’sonetastebutit’salltastesand it’s not flavorless. It’s all flavors, separateand together. Bitter and sweet.Nodifference in one sense, yet mathematically and critically unique as numberlessfacets of an indestructible cosmic diamond. In a practice of true non-dualawareness we can fluctuate and operate at will between the two awarenesses ofrelativeandabsolute.

This iswhat I do.Howmymindworks.Compare and contrast, find threadswhich connect unique expressions of truths to our innermost beings. Make nomistake,thisisnotthesameassaying,“Oh,God,Buddha,Jesus,whateveryouwanttocallit,it’sallthesame.”Becausethat’snaiveandlazythinking.Everything’snotthesame.Forexample,newageypeopleliketosay,“We’reallone.”

OK.Arewe?Thereareover7billionpeopleontheplanetatthetimeofthiswriting.They’re

allpeople,right?Wesharecommonaspects,butareweallthesame?Eachofushasourowngeneticsandkarmiclineageandquirks,dispositions,attitudes,experiencesandmomentsintimethatcouldonlyhappenbecauseofouruniquepositioninanyparticularmoment.

Allofbiologicallifeismadeupofthesamemoleculesthatformedtheuniverse;carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, phosphorus and sulphur, CHNOPS. Butwetendtolookforthedifferences,ratherthanthesimilaritiesbecausethedifferencesarewhatmake us feel unique, special anddifferentiated.Yet the spiritual path isultimatelyaboutremembering,orrealizingourundifferentiated,common,timelessnature. But that doesn’tmean thatwe forget thatwe’re special snowflakes in aninfinitecosmosofevenmore infinitepossibility.We’reOneBeingandAllBeingsandseparate,unique,weirdandspecialbeings.

ThisistheTaoofKnowingWhatisUp.Butknowingwhatisupisonething.Livingitwithoutfallingbackintoneedless

sufferingisanother.ThisiswhatTheYogaofLettingGoisabout.Welearntoletgo,little by little, of needing anything to be anything but what it is. If you lovesomething,namelyyourself,youcanletitgoabsolutely.Andifitwasmeanttobeyours,it(you)willreturntoyourself.ReturntoloveasMarianneWilliamsonsays,

“Loveischangelessandthereforesoareyou.Nothingthatyouhaveeverdoneorwill

everdocanmaryourperfection…”ExcerptFrom:MarianneWilliamson.“AReturnto

Love:ReflectionsonthePrinciplesofaCourseinMiracles.”

Sheadds,“intheeyesofGod,”attheendofthatsentencebecausethebook,andherperspectiveisallaboutalotofGodstuff.I’mnottryingtogotherewithyousodon’t getworried.Most peoplewho readme are looking for alternatives toGodstuff. Bear inmind that I’mnot opposed to those things. I’m justmoreBuddhistthananythingelse.

It’s useful to be able to pull the essential meaning out of spiritual literaturewithoutcreatingargumentswithourselvesaboutbeliefs. Ifyou’vebeenfollowinganyofmyworkoverthepastdecadeorso,youalreadyknowthatI’mnotselling

beliefs.Thatsaid,ifyou’reaGodperson,supercool.Alltothegood.ButGodisaconcept,andwe’regoingtotrytoletgoofconceptstocreatemorespace.

Before going on, it’s important to note that yoga, as it’s been taughttraditionally, is dualistic. There’s a you, mind, and there’s a reality, divine. Allexperienceswithin yourmind are experienceswithin the highest spiritual being.Thisallgetssuper technical,andtoreallyunderstand itwe’dhaveto talka lotofSanskrit.

“In the Yoga tradition, the dualism is not between the material body and physical

realityononehand,andmentalrealitycharacterizedbythoughtontheother,butbetween

pureawarenessandall objectsofawareness—”ExcerptFrom:EdwinF.Bryant. “The

YogaSutrasofPatañjali.”

Pure consciousness is calledpurusa.Material reality,which includes thoughtsandfeelings,iscalledprakrti.Bryantcontinues,

“This [yoga] metaphysics is dualistic, insofar as ultimate reality is conceived as

containing twodistinct ultimate principles: puruṣa, the innermost conscious self broadly

synonymous with the notion of soul, and prakṛti, the material world with all its

variegatednesswithinwhichthepuruṣaisembedded.”

I’mnotgoingtogotoodeep intothis levelof technicalSanskrit in thisbook.PartlybecauseI’mnotaSanskrityogascholarandpartlybecause,whilethatstuffisfunforsomepeople,it’snotnecessaryfortherestofustogetthatpedanticaboutthesubtledifferencesbetweenphilosophies.

It’simportantthatwelearntoletgooftheshitthatkeepsusstuck.

Thepoint I’mmaking is thatYoga, in itsordinarysense, isnotnon-dual.Thedefinition of the term is normally said to mean to yoke, or bring together,presumably these twoaspectsof reality sowecan realizeourdivinity.But in thehigher systems Yogameans something different. In Tibetan Buddhism, there arenineyanas,vehicles.Therearedifferent levelsof teachings forbeingsofdifferentcapacities.Thehighestyogasare thosewith themostdirect transmissionof truthwithoutmuchelaboration.FromtheperspectiveofAti,highestyoga,elaborationissaidtomissthemarkcompletely.

Sointhatsense,we’realreadythere.There’snothingtobringtogetherbecausenothing is separate.We’re alreadyOneTaste.Hopefully aswe go you’ll get yourowntasteofwhatwe’retryingtogetatwithallofthisyogabusiness.

It’s going tomake sensebecause,whenwe let go ina realway,wedon’t loseanything. It’s not about losing. In How to Gain Nothing from Buddhist Practice, Iwroteaboutwhatitmeanstohavenothingtogainandnothingtolose,ifyouwanttocheckthatout.

ThingsWeLose

“Weareallliabletofaceseveralmajorlossesinourlives.”TheGriefRecoveryHandbook,

20thAnniversaryExpandedEdition,JamesandFriedman

This list is just a starting point and is somewhat arbitrary. The list after ofthings we hold on to is interchangeable. In a sense, there’s nothing that we canreally keep from losing.That awareness in itself requires considerable emotionalstrengthandspiritualtenacitytoconsider.

●Ourlives●Friends●Pets●Parents●Children●Bodyparts●Dignity●Self-respect●Jobs●Partners●Moments●Fears●Inhibitions

●Physicalabilities●Biases●Feelings●Dreamsofyouth●Ourbreath

InrecentyearsI’vecometotheawarenessofmypastlives.Nottheonesbeforethisbody,perse,buttheonesthathappenedbeforenow.Lookbackatyourownchildhood.Whether it was good or bad, happy or sad, where is it now?When Ireflectonmylife,Ifeelthatthere’salinewheretheacceptanceofthattimeofmylifeisgone,permanently.

Inawayit’slikebeingVampireBillfromtheTVseries,TrueBlood,oranyothervampireforthatmatter.BillwashauntedbythelifehehadasaCivilWarsoldierwhose familyhaddiedofoneof thosedevastating illnesses likeScarletFever.Hefeltthepainofloss,buthealsoknewthatlifewasgone.Whenotherlives,wherehelivedasadifferentcharacterinadifferentcountry,cameup,heletitgo.Thatlifetoo,wasgone.Onandonthroughthehundredsofyearshe’dbeenalive.

It’ssaidinBuddhistteachingsthatin100yearseveryoneweknowwillbedead.ThisisateachingontheBuddhistprincipleofImpermanence.Thepointofitistolook at our attachment to people, places and things in our lives. Nothing ispermanent.Wewill ultimately lose it all. Letting go is in someways the hardestthingwe’lleverdo.Weholdontothememories,evenastheychangeandfade.Thefeelings,dreams…eventhewishforittohavebeendifferent.Tobedifferentinourmemories.

Phases that, at the time, I thought were everything. But time has a way ofshowinguschangethatwemisswhileit’shappening.

Takealookatyourownphaseswiththepracticebelow.

JournalPractice:ListthePhases

Listsomemajortransitionperiodsinyourlife.Youcanstartwithone,orafew,orasmanyas thereare toremember.Notetheirsignificance.Maybefromgrammarschool tomiddleschool,orhighschool tocollege.Marriagetodivorce.Health toillness, illness to health. Youth to middle age, middle to senior. Notice thedifferencesintone,mood,clarity.Trytorememberwhenthatperiodgavewaytoanewphase.Rememberhowtheimportanceofthesetofpeople,placesandthingsshiftedfromoneera,orlife,intothenext.

S

ThingsWeHoldOnto

omeofthethingsweholdontothataremostlynon-materialandaretherefore,by definition, in the domain of the spiritual.Meaning that spiritual practice

canhelp,andmightbetheonlythingthathelps.Feelfreetomakeyourownlist,oraddorsubtracttothisone.Thisis justtogettheconversationgoingandisbynomeansexhaustive.

Justponderthesefornow.Asweget intothepractices,you’llbeseehowyoucandealwiththespecificsofhowholdingoncausesyousuffering.

●Thepast●Attachments●Addictions●ShameCore●Guilt●Ambivalence●Spiritualidentity●People●Places●Things●Resentmentandanger●Theneedtoberight●Fear

●Resentment●Grief●Suffering●Powerlessness●Illness●Wellness●Memories●Hopes●Dreams●Desires

A

HowtoDothePractices

s always, you should feel free tomodify, change, alter, recreate and do thepractices inthisbookinanywaythatmakessensetoyou.Collaboratewith

yourself and your Spiritual Management Team to create a dynamic, interactive,non-staticstyleofpracticeforyourself.

Ifyoudon’thaveaSpiritualManagementTeam,here’showtogetonetogether.Make a list of ten people that you know personally, trust or admire.Make it asdiverseofalistasyoucan.Forexample,insteadofaskingthreepeoplefromyourimmediatefamily,findapriest,arabbi,ayogateacherandahairstylist,reikihealerorshaman.Ifyoudon’tknowanyonelikethat,seekthemout.They’reeverywhereonceyoustart looking.Onceyouhavea list,anddon’tbeafraidtostartwith justoneperson, justaskthemiftheycanbeonyourSpiritualManagementTeam.It’ssortofanaccountabilityandadvisementgroup.

Nevergospiritualmattersalone.

Yes,ultimatelywe’reallalone,but it’sgreat tohavesomepeoplethatyoucanbouncean ideaoffoforwithwhomyoucancheckyourmotives.You’llpromisenottotakemorethanalimitedamountoftime,say15-30minutesonceamonth.You’llwritedownyourexactquestionandatasettimecontactthatpersonandseeifthey’reavailabletospendafewminuteswithyou.Itcanbeovertextoremail,butbe sure tomake an agreement and be certain that youhonor it. Build that trust.

Don’toverwhelmsomeonewith27textsofrandomthoughts.Bespecific.Askforfeedback,advice,suggestions.

Thentaketheiradvice.Yourteammemberswilllikethat.Findpeopletobeonyourteamwhoseadvice

you’rewillingtofollow.Thisisasuperbadasstip.Useit.I’vebeenworkingonthisstuffforover30years,sotrustmewhenItellyoutheSpiritualManagementTeamisagoodthingtohave.Andyoucanreciprocate,withthesameordifferentpeople.You’reanadult,andyoucanworkitout.

Youcanvaryyourpracticesorsimplydothesameone,exactlythesameway,everytime,forever.Ipersonally lovetomixitup.OtherwiseI’dhavejustwrittenonebookandpracticeandwouldbedone!

Theonlyrightwayisthewaythatbringsresults.

Theresultswe’relookingforinTheYogaofLettingGoarerelease, lightnessofbeing, joy. That doesn’tmean the pain goes away. Itmay, or itmay not. It doesmeanthatbydoingthiswork,youwill learnhowtoshowupforyourselfanddowhatyouneed todo tobe in self-care, self-acceptance, self-compassionand self-love.Letgoofwhatyoudon’tneed.Usethepracticesinthisbook,suchasShiftingAwareness,tofocusmoreonwhatyouloveandbeopentothatbalancechangingovertimeaspeople,placesandthingsinyourlifechange.

L

TheRestraintsandObservances:YamasandNiyamas

ettinggoisaprocess,notanevent.

Youcan’t justsit thereandtellyourself, “Letgo, letgo, letgo.”Well,youcan,andIdothatpracticealotactually.It’sgottenmeoutofquiteafewmental jams.However,lettinggoisn’taswitchthatyouflipandthenyou’redone.Inasense,weyogis train ourselves to let go all the time. From the perspective of a yogi, thepracticeoflettinggoisverycloselyrelatedtowhatiscalledintheYogaSutrasofPatanjali aparigraha. In the Sadhana Pada, Patanjali talks about the practice ofaparigraha in Sutra 2.3 of the Yamas, restraints or the don’ts and the Niyamas,observancesorthedo’s.

SeeTheYogaofSelfCompassionforamoredetailedtreatmentoftheYamasandNiyamas,includingmanyusefulpractices:

Definitions

Yamas(YAHMAS)

TheYamasaretherestraintsorthingsweshouldtrytoavoidthinkingaboutanddoing.Someteacherscallthesethedon’ts.

Ahimsa(AHHIMSAH)

Non-violence,non-harmingotherlivingbeing,non-injury.

Satya(SATYA)

Truthfulness,non-falsehood,veracity.

Asteya(AHSTAYYA)

Abstinencefromtheft,non-stealing.

Brahmacharya(BRAHMAHCHARYA)

Sexual continence, chastity, marital fidelity or sexual restraint, moderation,conservationofenergy.

Aparigraha(AHPAHREEGRAHHA)

Nothoardingwealthandproperty,non-possessiveness.

Niyamas(NEEYAMAS)

TheNiyamasaretheprinciplesthatwetrytoobserve.Thesehavebeencalledthedo’s.

Saucha(SAOUCHA)

Purity,clearnessofmind,speechandbody.

Santosha(SANTOESHA)

Contentment, acceptance of others and of one’s circumstances as they are,optimismforself.

Tapas(TAHPAS)

Austerity,self-discipline,persistentmeditation,perseverance.

Svadhyaya(SVADYAYA)

Study of self, self-reflection, introspection of oneself’s thoughts, speeches andactions.

Ishvarapranidhana(ISHVARAPRANEEDAHNA)

Contemplation of or attunementwith or surrender to the Ishvara, whichmeansGod or Supreme Being, Brahman, True Self, Unchanging Reality or NamelessTruth.Remember,don’tgetstuckonbeliefs.Thisisnotaboutbeliefsbutisaboutresults.

Aparigraha

The Sanskrit definition of aparigraha is said to be the opposite of parigrah,which equates to desire. From a Buddhist perspective, desire is at the root ofsuffering.Oh,butweloveourdesire.Somuch!

As an addict, I can tell you that itmakesme cringe to think of letting go ofdesire.Igethighonit.Thewanting,needing,planning,seeking,acquiring,usingadrugoraperson,placeorthingisreallytasty.Iloveituntilthatobjectofmydesireturnsonmeandreversescourse.Pleasurebecomespain.Andthatsucks.Thiskindofthingisarealproblemforushumans.

Yet,therearesolutions.Aparigrahaissaidtomeannon-possessivenessornon-coveting.Thepractices

center aroundnot owningmore stuff than youneed to get by in life.Good luckconvincingusintheWestofthat.Great,ifyoucandoit.Thatsaid,therearewaystothinkaboutandpracticethis.That’swhatthiswholebookisabout.Staywithme.They’re also related to dana, or the practice of generosity. This is a BuddhistpracticethatI’vewrittenaboutelsewhere.

“Thegreatestattachmentoffeelingofpossessionistheidentificationofthe“I”withthe

mind-bodycomplex.Fromthisbasicsenseofidentity,whichisegoism,thenotiondevelops

that “I am the performer and enjoyer of actions and objects,” and “This sense of self-

identity,theegoofindividuality,ishardtorenounce.”-HariBabaDass,SadhanaPada,Sutra39.

Because of this definition,we couldmake the argument that aparigraha isn’treally about letting go.Nonetheless, if you think about it a little bit, letting go isprecisely what it’s about. It’s about letting go of what Buddhists later called theinherentlyself-existent“I”.ThatmeansthesamethingasPatanjalitaught,asfarasIcan tell.We thinkwe exist, butwe don’t, not really. I don’t alwayswalk aroundsayingtomyself,“Hey,Itotallydon’texistandthisisnotreal.I’minadelusion.”

Who does that? Well, yogis and meditators and philosophers and poets andartistsandothercrazypeople.Thepoint isthatBuddhismtellsuswedon’treallyexist as we think we do. I’ll invite you to study the madhyamika philosophy ofNagarjunaifyou’resoinclined.It’sinterestingtonotethat,

“Nāgārjuna is also credited with developing the philosophy of the Prajñāpāramitā

sūtras and, in some sources, with having revealed these scriptures in the world, having

recovered them from the nāgas (water spirits often depicted in the form of serpent-like

humans).”-Wikipedia

So that’s why he’s called Nagarjuna, because he’s connected to these Nagas:water beingswho, incidentally, are pretty nasty and can cause a lot of trouble ifthey’re not addressed properly. One of Nagarjuna’s main works is the The

Fundamental Wisdom of the Middle Way: Nagarjuna’s Mulamadhyamakakarika andthat is some pretty tough reading. The essence of it is that “All experienced

phenomenaareempty(sunya).”Empty.Zero.No-thing.Ascarythoughtforsomeofus!

The Dalai Lama and many other Tibetan Buddhist masters have taughtextensivelyandexhaustivelyonthesetopics.I’vehadyearsandyearsofteachingsonthissubjectmyself.Icantellyouthatafterabout16yearsofsittingwithmyZenBuddhistmeditationgroup,IfoundtheseTibetanteachingsonnon-existencetobeextremelypowerfulexplanationsofwhatwedoinZen,whichisbasicallynothing.Wesitdoingnothing,beingnothingness.Wewatchourthoughtsandaskquestionslike,

“Isthatreal?”“Isittrue?”InBuddhismwe’resaidtobemindpossessors.There’san“I”thatappearstoexist,

andwhoownsamind,butthe“I”isn’treal.Theegomakesusthinkitisandweareandthatthethingsthatwepossessareworthfighting,andinsomecases,dyingfor.I read an article today about a man who allegedly killed his wife and two babydaughters and dumped them in an oil well because they had serious moneyproblems.Moneyproblems.Killthefamily.Really?Buteventhoughthisisbizarre,inrealitywehumanskilleachotherovermoneyallday,everyday.Becausewe’resooveridentifiedwithmaterialthingsthatwe’rewillingtohurtourselvesandothers.This is an extreme example of a basic and all too common aspect of the humancondition.

Wepossessourmindsbutinreality,ourmindsarenotunderourcontrolatall.Thedelusionisthatwethinkwe’reincontrol,andourmindthinksit’sincontrol.SoinBuddhistteachingandpracticewedoathingcalledlojong,mindtraining.Onesuch practice of mind training, though from a Japanese rather than Tibetanperspective,isZenmeditation.Buttherearemanywaystoskinanego.Thisisjustoneofthem.

Practice:TheZenofLettingGo

Sitwith a straightback in a quietplace.Give yourself at least 20-30minutes.Bestill.Nophones,nodistractions.Bepresent inyourbody.Noticeeverything.Thetrickinthispracticeistocommittosittingstillandsilentfortheentiredurationoftimethatyouorthegroup,ifyou’remeditatingwithagroup,sets.It’saboutwhathappenswhenyoutrytodothat.Yourbodyresists,yourmindbalksandwanders,and you get to, as the famous teacher Suzuki Roshi says, “Just sit.” It’s a badasspracticeforbadassyogis.Youcandoit,giveitatry.

Asyousitandyourmindbeginstoquestionthatsanityofwastingtimedoingnothing, just check your thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is that true?” But don’t try toanswer the question. Just sit in the openness of the questioningmind. The openmind.Theopenheart.WhatinZenweliketocallHeartmind.It’sthesame.There’sreallynowaytogetwhatthisisaboutwithoutdoingitsoIsuggestthatyoucommittothepracticeforasetperiod,maybedailyforsixmonths.Seewhathappens.Quiteliterally,thatiswhatyoudo.

Seewhathappens.Thewaythataparigrahaispracticedisto letgoofhoarding.Bynothoarding

objects,themindissaidtolearntodevelopnon-attachmenttoallobjects.Whatisnon-attachment ifnot lettinggo?Exactly.Non-hoarding,non-attachment, lettinggo.Thesame.

Sowhatdowehoard?Ifyou’veeverseentheTVshow,Hoarders,youhaveanideahowsickwecangetwithourclinging. Ifyouhaven’tseenanyof it,checkitout.Whenyou seeaguy living inpilesofgarbage stacked to theceiling ineveryroom,amongst jar lidsanddeadcatsandsodabottlesandbrokentelevisionsandmiles of junk that no one would need or want, youmight say, “Well, that’s justcrazy.”Bethatasitmay,thehoardermentalityisthattheyclingtotheseobjectstoknow that they, the hoarder, exist. This is similar in an individual, psychological

level to what Sociologist Erving Goffman called secondary adjustments as they

pertain to “getting over,” getting away with something, while incarcerated in a“totalinstitution,”likeaprisonoranasylumoramarriage.

“Secondaryadjustmentsaredefinedas“anyhabitualarrangementbywhichamember

of an organization employs unauthorizedmeans, or obtains unauthorized ends, or both,

thusgettingaroundtheorganization’sassumptionsastowhatheshoulddoandget,and

hencewhathe shouldbe.Secondaryadjustments representways inwhich the individual

stands apart from the role and the self that were taken for granted for him by the

institution.”-Goffman,Asylums

Examples of this from a prison situation might be coming up with ways torepresent oneself as a gangmemberwhen certain normalways, such as thewayclothing is worn, are prohibited. Secret methods of communication are used.Alternatesymbolsreplacetheobvioussigns.Differentformsofcurrencyareused.Friendshipstakeonacompletelydifferentmeaning.

“Soyoupartat theendof theexerciseperiodwithagenial, ‘seeyou tomorrow’And

tomorrowhewillbebackatyourside.Tomorrowandthedayaftertomorrowandtheday

after that. By then hewill have come to be looked upon by the other prisoners as your

mate’.Worsestill,theywill,accordingtoprisoncustom;avoidintrudinguponthisnewly-

formedfriendshipandyouwillfindyourselfpairedoff.''-Goffman,Asylums

In the storyofhow theblueswas created, black slaves inAmericawerekeptfromsingingthesongsoftheirnativecultures,andwereforcedtomemorizeandperformChristian gospel songs.The inability tohear the full seven tone scale ofWesternmusic,duetothepentatonicfivetonescaleofindigenousmusic,resultedinthe“mistake,”oftheflatfive,(inaCscale,thefifthtoneisG,soGflatistheflat

five)otherwiseknownas theBlueNote.Trustme,youknowthebluenotewhenyouhearit.Thaterrorwasasecondaryadjustmentthatallowedtheslavestokeepsomekindofidentity,regardlessoftheirenslavement.Oh,anditcreatedthegenresofblues,jazzandrock‘nroll.Incidentally.Theirsecondaryadjustmentbecameanintegralpartofourculture.Itmakesyouwonderwhatelsewe’veadoptedbasedonthiskindofpsychologicalpressure.

Soourinternalsecondaryadjustmentsmightmanifestashoardingifwegrewupinanunfriendly,hostileworld,victimsofearlychildhood(orevenlater)trauma.Onourinnerlandscape,ouryoga,meditation,self-studypracticesmayrevealthatwehoardour thoughts,emotions,andourverysenseofwhoweare.Weclingtothem like the lady who has a total out of body panic attack when the hoarderpsychologistandfamilyinterventionisttriestothrowoutthattwelveyearoldpizzabox.Hoarderswillsaythingslike,“Itfeelslikeyou’retakingawayapartofme.”

Who of us hasn’t felt that way when we’ve had a bad breakup or othersignificantloss?

BabaHariDasdoes goeson to say that “when the ego is permitted free reign, it

wants to possess everything.Nothing is ever enough, and it constantly seeks to acquire

more…”Doesthatsoundfamiliaratall?Sowhetherwe’rehoarding things likemoney,propertyandprestigeor some

crazycollectionof50yearsofnewspapersandballsof lint,ourego,accordingtoyoga,isinarampagetogetasmuchofafixasitcan.Likeapigthatwilleatuntilitbursts, there are no limits and there no end to attachment, which means thatsuffering is infinite and without end as well. Because if we listen to Buddha,attachment is the root of all suffering. So letting go is the solution.The Yoga of

LettingGoisthepathwaytofreedomfromsuffering.

Practice:HoardingInventory

Makealistofeverythingthatyouown.Onaspreadsheet,putthenameofthethinginColumn1.Listallthethings.Notindividually.Ifyouownadeckofplayingcardsyoucanlist“Cards.”Youdon’tneedtolistall52!InColumn2“Isitnecessary?”or“Can I livewithout this?” Literally,would you die if you didn’t have that pair ofshoesyoujustgotoffofEbay?Orthatparticularcar?

Whenyoucompleteyourlist,meditateonthesumtotalofthingsthatyouregohasacquired.Imaginegivingthemaway.DoafewminutesofMindfulObservation.

Howdoesitfeelinyourbodytoholdallthesethings?Howdoesitfeelinyourhearttoconsidertheaparigrahapracticeoflettinggo

ofthethingsyoudon’tneedtosurvive?Whatarethethoughtsandwhat is thereactionofyourmindwhenyouthink

aboutthiskindofpractice?InColumn3,listthenon-tangibleobjects.Thoughts,beliefs,feelings,attitudes,

fears.Column4isagain,isitnecessaryornot?Thisinventoryprocesscanbealifepractice,sodon’texpecttomakeaone-timeeventoutofit.

It’saboutprocess,notperfection.Meditateagainonthiscolumnofsubtlethings.Holdthequestions.Doyouneedittosurvive?Whatdoesitfeellikeinthebodyandmindtohold,toclingandtoletgo?

I

LetGoandLetGod

nthe12-Stepcultureweletgoandletgodasawayofrelievingourselvesofthedecisionmakingprocessthatcanbeemotionallycharged.Ifwe’reangry,letgo

andletgod.Ifwe’reanxiousaboutajobinterview,letgodtakeover.AspartofourthirdstepinAA,wemakeadecisiontoturnourwillandourlivesovertothecareofGodasweunderstandGod.WhileI’mnotaGodperson,I’vedonethispracticemany zillions of times over the years and it is almost without fail extremelybeneficial,atleastintheshortterm.

In other books, I’ve offered less God-oriented ways of practicing this. OnewhichI’vereceivedalotoffeedbackovertheyearsistoturnthemomentovertothenow.Inthepresentmomentthereisnofear.Nopast,noguilt.Nocharge.Justthismoment.Bepresent in thismomentandallowyourexperience tobeas it is.Thisisawayof“turningitover,”aswesayinrecovery.

An example from my own recovery is the fact that I relapsed, returned todrinking,aftertenyearsofsobriety.Ihadtocometotermswiththatrealityinthefirstfewyearsofbeingsoberagain.Itwasn’teasy.ButthewaythatIappliedlettinggoofmy first roundof recoverywas to stopmentioning that I used tohave tenyears!

Anotheroptionistochoosetoturnitovertoahigherprinciple,suchasloveorforgiveness.

Letgoandletlove.

Letgoandletlifeasitis.Letgoandletpeace.Letgoandletstillness.Letgoandletforgiveness.

Practice:20in20

Listout20substitutionsforgodashigherprinciples,practices,skillsortraditionsthatwouldbeworthtryingoutwhenyoufindyourselfneedingtoletgoofthingslike resentments, fear of abandonment, shame, anger and bitterness. Try eachpracticeinthemorningandtheeveningforoneweek.Journalaboutthemasyougo.Attheendofyourlistof20practicesin20weeks,decidewhatworkedbestforyou. Be aware that it may change in the future as you and your situations andrelationshipschange.

T

ThereareNoShortcuts:SpiritualBypassing

hetendency in lettinggo,especiallywhenwe losesomeoneveryclose, is tothinkwe’reoveritbeforewe’reoverit.Ittakestimetohealfromlossandthe

progress comes inwaves.Howmuch time should it take?There is absolutely nowaytoanswerthatquestion.

Anyonewhotellsyouthere’sacertaintimelinetohealfromlossisjustwrong.

Everysituationandrelationshipisunique.Youwillhealasyouheal.Sometimesquickly, sometimes slowly. But just be aware that it’s possible to bypass the realprocessbyassumingthatyou’redoneprocessingwhenthere’smoretogo.

John Wellwood, a psychologist and Buddhist practitioner, coined the termspiritualbypassingoverthirtyyearsago.Wellwoodsaysthatithappenswhenwe,

“...usespiritualideasandpracticestosidesteporavoidfacingunresolvedemotional

issues,psychologicalwounds,andunfinisheddevelopmentaltasks."

Inshort,aspiritualbypasserissomeonewhothinksthey’remorespiritualthantheyare.Wellwoodsaysthatbypasserscanbedeludedby,

"premature transcendence: trying to rise above the raw and messy side of our

humannessbeforewehavefullyfacedandmadepeacewithit."

RobertAugustusMasters, author of the bookSpiritualBypassing, says that inspiritualbypassingweconfusesurfacewithdepth.IthinkofthissometimeswhenIhearsomeof the things thatyoungyogateacherssay.Not toslightanyonewho’snewtospiritualityor ismakinganeffort tobeonapath.Westartwhereweare.Butwisdomcomeswithtimeandexperienceandittakeswhatittakesuntilittakes.

Forthoseofuswhoareaddicts,whenfacedwithmoreyearsofaddictionhellorsomekindofspiritualsolutiontoit,wemayhavenoideahoworwhyweshouldeven try to followa spiritualpath.Wemaynot even thinkwe’re capable.As I’vesaid elsewhere, some people reject spirituality outright, often confusing it withreligion.Or they’re unable to divorce themselves from past negative experienceswithorganizedreligion.

Myapproachtospiritualityintegrateseverything,usinganytoolthatcanwork.But,asIsaidearlier,itisn’taflavorlessexperience.

Weallhaveourexperiences,whetherthey’reinaWesternreligioussystemorsomethingwithanEastern flair.Buthowseriouslydowetake the teachings,andhow do we apply them in an effort to free us from our attachments? There’snormallyagapbetweenwhatweknowandourabilitytoapplyspiritualprincipleswhere they’remostneeded inour lives, suchaswithrelationships, sexormoney.Andwithlettinggo.

SometimesIthinkIknowsomethingandthenIrealizethatIhadalotmoretolearn.Forexample,I’vespentoverthirty-fiveyearsin12-Stepmeetings.Manyofthese meetings are book studies, where we go through and read the 12-Stepliterature out loud before discussing our experience with it. There’s a commonphenomena in AA that happens in these types of readings. We inevitably seesomethingwe’venever seen.Or,we see it in anewway.For example, in theAABasicTextthere’salinethatsaysthatwe,

“...absolutelyinsistonenjoyinglife.Wetrynottoindulgeincynicismoverthestate

ofthenations,nordowecarrytheworld’stroublesonourshoulders."

I’vereadthatdozensoftimesovertheyears.Butwhatitmeanttomein1984isverydifferentthanwhatitmeanstoday.Backthen,Ionlyheardthepartabouthowweinsistonenjoyinglife,whichtomemeanthavingfun.ButInowrealizedthatwhenwepracticeyogaorsomeofthepracticessuchasthoseinTheYogaofLetting

Go,we’rereallykeepingthejobontheinside,ratherthangoingoffoncrusadestochangetheworld.

Wechangeourselves,andthat’stheoppositeofbypassing.So we think we know and the more we think we know the more we close

ourselvesofffromthenewmoment,thenewmeaningandthenewlesson.Toletgowelearntoletourselvesridethewavesofsufferingandrelief.Enjoy

the respitewhen you feel it, but learn to be presentwith your experience.Don’tcling.

Clingingissuffering.The important thing is tobeawareof the tendency tosidestep therealwork.

The real work is always to feel what you gotta feel. We can’t always avoid thepitfalls,but ifwe staymindful andvigilanton thepathofTheYoga ofLettingGo,we’llalwayshavetheoptiontochangecourse.Yogapracticeisawayofreturningtotheteachingbyreturningtothepresentmoment,pose,orbreath,overandover.Wecanthendiscoversomethingnewinourmeditationorouryogaposturethatwenevernoticed.Weremoveobstacles toourownawarenessofourdeepest reality.Somewouldsayitwasthereallalong.

Practice:NineRoundBreathing

We’llusethisandotherbreathingpracticesthroughoutthebook.Thepurposeistoprepare the mind for meditation and dharma (spiritual) study. You can also use

thesepracticesbeforeenteringanysituationinwhichyoufeelitwouldbehelpful.

Whencombinedwithsomefocusedmeditationonadailybasis,thisbecomesaverysimple,yetpowerfultool.It’scalledtheNineRoundBreathingPractice.Therearepracticeslikethisindifferentschoolsofstudy.InadditiontomyTibetanteachers,I’vealsolearnedsimilarversionsinKundaliniyogatrainings.ThisoneistaughtbyHisHoliness theDalaiLama,basedonTheSixYogasofNaropa.There’s amoretechnicalversionofthisonYoutubeifyou’dliketoknowmoreaboutit.

This is a practice that is used to stabilize themind. It is advisable to use thispractice before using the other practices in this book, but, as always, choose foryourself.Mixandmatchatwill.Workyourownprogram.

Withtheback(nailside)ofyourleftindexfinger,blockyourrightnostrilasyoubreatheinslowlythroughyourleftnostril.Blocktheleftnostrilwiththefront(softside)asyouexhalethroughtheright.Dothisforatotalofthreebreathcycles.Next,using the back of your right index finger, block the left nostril as you inhalethroughtheright,thenexhalethroughtheleftasyoublocktherightonewiththerightfingertip.Threebreathcycles.Youcan leaveyourhands inyour lapforthislastpart.Finishwiththreelong,slow,deepbreathsinandoutofbothnostrils.

IdidthisatthebeginningofyogaclassesthatIwasabouttotakeforacoupleofyears.Itworks.Practiceitregularlyandseeforyourself.

B

DidtheBuddhaDotheYoga?

uddhistyogaismostlyaboutmeditation.Ameditatoriscalledayogi,withorwithout a physical practice.We canuse the termyoga todescribe away to

synthesize practices from different traditions. We can talk about the yoga ofrecovery, the yoga of nutrition, of fitness, mental health. From Buddhist Yoga,ThomasClearysaysthat,

"Yoga has many meanings, including the ideas of union, method, effort and

meditation.Theelaboratepsycho-physicalexerciseroutinesofHinduYogaarefamiliarto

Westerners, but the subtle metaphysics and refined methods of spiritual development

characteristicofBuddhistYogaarenotwellknown."

Thereare,however,somemovement-orientedyogapracticesinBuddhism.I’vestudied a formofTibetanBuddhist yoga calledYantraYoga. In thebook,Yantra

Yoga, author Chogyal Namkhai Norbu defines it as the, "Buddhist parallel to the

HathaYogaoftheHindutradition."Thissystemusesposestocontroltheprana,vitallife force, by using breath practices and visualizations.Almost all of the poses inYantra Yoga are familiar to the Hatha Yoga practitioner. But the purpose andtechnique are different. In Hatha Yoga we move the body and the breath, andsometimes together. If we’re in a Vinyasa flow, we use the breath to guide ourmovement. InYantraYogaweuse the pose todirect the breath.Does thatmakesense?

Weputourselves inapose,directourbreathing,which isawaytodirectourprana.Wealsouseholdandrelease techniques,all for thepurposeofobtainingastate of non-dual awareness. For those interested in learning more, seeyantrayoga.org.

Buddhastatuesarecommoninyogastudios.IfwewalkintoayogastudioandseeamindfulBuddhasittinginhisseatedposition,wemightnotthinkaboutitbutwe probably feel that this is the right place for us to become calm or find somepeace.ThisishowIfeelwhenIseeastatueoftheBuddhaorreadaBuddhistsutra—somehow complete. Again, it’s important and valuable to know the sources ofdifferentteachingssothatwecanapplyprinciplesspecifictowhatweneedandgetthefulleffect.

TherearesomanydifferentsystemsofyogaandBuddhismandotherformsofspiritual practice. They can work well together, but they are different. To fullybenefitfrombothoreither,we’rebetteroffifwetakethepracticesseriouslysowedon’tbypassthewisdomthat’stherewaitingforus.

Practice:MindfulAwareness

Tobemindfulmeanstoputyourmindonsomething.Likewhenyou’reobsessedabout a date or getting to work on time or getting your tax return. But thedifferencebetweenmindfulawarenessandmentalobsessionisintention.Bychoice,you place your awareness on an object of meditation. This is called lojong inTibetan,mind training.We learn to harness the power of themind, rather thanbeing a slave to it. To learn how to let go,we need to see how it is thatwe areholdingon.

Bemindfulofyourbreath,yourwords,yourfeelings,youractions.It’sgoodtopracticewiththebreath.Dothispracticeduringaseatedmeditationsessionorasyoumove about your day. It’s easier to transfer to your daily life if you devoteregulartimewhilesittingstill.However,youcanenterthedoorwaywheneveryou

want.Giveyourselfthatopportunity.Body,breathandmindarethreethingsthat

youcanpracticebeingmindfulof.Butthere’snolimitreally.

T

Grief

heGriefRecoveryHandbook,20thAnniversaryExpandedEditiondefinesgriefas,“thenormalandnaturalemotionalresponsetoloss.”

We’regoingtotalkaboutgriefnext.Whatwassaidaboutwavesisgoingtoalsoapplytowhatisknownaboutgrievingandloss.Again,it’seasytothinkwe’reoveritwhenwegetamomentofclarityorrelief.Butremember,lettinggoisaprocess,not an event. Loss requires letting go. Letting the feelings be as they are is thehealing.

Youwillletgo,andyouwillholdon.That’sOK.Knowthatit’saprocess.OK?Thereissomuchmisinformationaboutgrief,lossandtheprocessoflettinggo

that really needs to be corrected for healing to happen. There’s also some reallygoodinformationaboutthis.Again,it’sdirect,hardhittingandrequirescouragetoworkon.Youcandoit.Youwilldoit.Andyou’llbesomuchstrongerastheresult.

Grief is the most powerful human emotion. It can happen as the result ofchanges,goodorbad.Whenprisonersofwarwerereleasedfromcamps,theywereseenwandering, lost in a state of shock. It was a good thing to be free. But thechangecausedfeelingsofgriefandloss.Weholdontothingssotightlytodefineusandtelluswhoweareintheworld.Butthingsarenotwhoweareatall.They’rejustthings.Whoweareisamuchbigger,deeper,moreawesomestateofalivenessthanourrelationshipstopeople,placesandthings.

Itmaysurpriseyoutolearnthatsomeofthethingsyoutellyourselfandotherswhenyouor theyaregrieving iswrong.Nothelpful.Evendamaging.We’rewellmeaning,butthereismisinformationthatneedstobecorrected.Forone,thestagesthat everyone talks about fromElizabethKubler-Ross in her landmarkbook,On

DeathandDyinghavebeenmisunderstoodandmisappliedbycliniciansandotherpeople.Sheadmittedthisinherfinalwork,OnGriefandGrieving.

“The stages have evolved since their introduction, and they have been very

misunderstood over the past three decades. They were never meant to help tuck messy

emotionsintoneatpackages.Theyareresponsestolossthatmanypeoplehave,butthereis

notatypicalresponsetoloss,asthereisnotypicalloss.Ourgriefisasindividualasour

lives.

Thefivestages—denial,anger,bargaining,depression,andacceptance—areapartof

theframeworkthatmakesupourlearningtolivewiththeonewelost.Theyaretoolsto

helpusframeandidentifywhatwemaybefeeling.Buttheyarenotstopsonsomelinear

timeline in grief.Not everyone goes through all of them or goes in a prescribed order.”ExcerptFrom:ElisabethKübler-Ross.“OnGriefandGrieving.”

I reallyhope that sinks in. I’vebeen involved inhealing communities suchasyoga,12-step,mentalhealth,Buddhism,reikiandsoonforoverthirtyyears.Ican’tcount howmany times people have quoted the five stages to myself and otherswhenitcomestogriefandloss.

Youmaywish togobackandreread thequoteabove.Nooneshould imposestagesofgriefonus.

James and Friedman, in The Grief Recovery Handbook, say that there are nostagesofgrief andwarnusnot toallowanyone to impose stagesonus.Canyoupleaserememberthat?

There are no stages of grief. All relationships are unique. Give yourself thefreedomtoprocessandtoletgointhetimeandmannerthatyouneed.Alsokeepthisinmindwhenyourfriends,familyandcommunitysufferinevitablelosses.

Practice:LetGoofOldIdeas

Iwantyoutodoareallydifficultexercise,STAT!Listoutallthethingsthatyou’vesaid to others and yourself when loss happens.Make four columns. In ColumnOne, list the thing thatwas lost. InColumnTwo,writewhatwassaid,byyouorwhomever.Nowthehardpart,inColumnThree,adthesubtext.Whatisimpliedbycolumntwo?Forexample,ifsomeone’schilddied,andsomeonesaid,“It’sOK,Godcalledhimhome,”whatdoyouthinktheunderlyingmeaningofthatstatementis?ThatGod takes children away fromEarth because he/she/it/they need them forsomethingmore important?Write it down.Make your list.Be extremely honest.Talkaboutthiswithotherpeople.Shareexperiences.

InColumnFour, listout if you think the statementmadewashelpfulornot.Askyourself,howdopeoplereally feelwhentheyhear these things?Whatdowereallyneedmostwhenwesufferaloss?

The grief experts say that the main difficulty in grief recovery is that we haveincomplete emotions resulting from incomplete relationships. I’ll add that theserelationshipsarenotjusttopeople.Still,Idon’tthinkanyusiseverreallyreadytolosesomeonewelove,evenifweknowit’sinevitable.Wethinkweare,butwhenithappens,wefindoutwe’renot.

It’scriticaltohealingthatweacknowledgethatforourselvesandeachother.FromJamesandFriedman,“Gainingawareness—thatanincompleteemotionalrelationshipexists.

Acceptingresponsibility—thatinpartyouarethecauseoftheincompleteness.

Identifyingrecoverycommunications—thatyouhavenotdelivered.

Takingactions—tocommunicatethem.

Movingbeyondloss—sayinggood-byetoundeliveredcom-

municationsandtopain.”

GainAwareness

Wecangain awarenessof the emotional and spiritual incompletenessofour lostperson, place or thing by doing the above practices and inventories, talkinghonestlywithourSpiritualManagementTeamandother trustedsupporters.TheHeartmindisverypowerfulonceweallowourselvestobeinhonestawareness.TheZenofknowingwhattodowilltakeover.

AcceptResponsibility

Every single spiritual and psychological teaching says that as long as we stay invictimmodewewillnotheal—evenandespecially ifwearevictims.It’squitethethingofspiritualmaturitytoownyourresponsibilityforhowyoufeelandhowyouaregoingtomoveforwardwhenyou’vebeenwronged,abandonedorabused.Butithastohappen.Thereisnootherway.Thenextbookintheseries,TheYogaofBeing

aBadasswillexplorehowtoownyourpower.Buttocomeintopowerwehaveto

letgo.Andiflettinggoissomeoneelse’sjobthenitisn’tgoingtohappen.IwishIcouldsaythiswasmyidea,butmybestideasgotmehere.I’minthesameboatasyou.

IdentifyLostorIncompleteCommunications

Ichangedthewordingalittletomakeitmakemoresense.Theideaisthattherearethingsleftunsaid,unexpressed,uncommunicated.Sowhatdowedoifthatpersonhaspassed?Ifit’sapet,howdowecommunicateourwordsandfeelingsleftunsaid?The experts say to set up a kind of grief resolution partnership to express andwitnessthoselostcommunicae.Readthatbooktolearnmoreabouthowtodothat.It’sverygoodandIrecommendithighly.

Forthoseofuswhodon’tdothatparticularworkbook,Ithinkthatsharingbywayoflettersthatcanbeburned,workingwiththeelementsinthepracticesinthisbook, doing art, poetry, music are all steps in the right direction. If you wantclosure.Maybe you don’t or aren’t ready or don’t want it. That’s your business.Whenandifyou’redoneholdingon,theseandotherpracticesarehereforyou.

CommunicateThoseThings

I’mabigfanofritual,callingonandacceptingspiritualhelpandtrustingprocess.As I said earlier, there aremanyways to communicate. If talking to deadpeopleisn’tyourthingthentalktolivepeopleaboutthedeadpeople.Butbehonest,direct,straightforwardandreal.Sugarcoatingwon’thelpyouheal.

Irememberwhenmyfriendwasmurdered in2013.Thenewscrewscametomy house and work to interview me because she had posted something onFacebook before she died. They askedme how I knew her. I told them she hadcometomy12-StepBuddhistgroupstohelpherstaysober.Theywantedtoknowwhathappened.IsaidhowIfelt,thatthediseaseofaddictiontookhertoplacesshe

shouldn’t have gonewith people she shouldn’t have known.Thatwas and is the

truth.Ilovedherwithallmyheartandsoulandstilldo,aftermanyyears.ButIdon’t

believe in glossing over reality. Many people disagreed, but that’s their deal. Icommunicatedmyfeelingsandhaveneverlookedback.Istillcareforherandmissherandamsadthatshe’sgone.ButI’mnotsufferingoverit.Iattributethattothisprinciple of honest communication, even though I didn’t know about it in thiscontextatthetime.

HealandMoveOn

Aftergoingthroughagriefhealingprocessandworkingwiththisorothermaterial,whatever’s left has to be let go. If you painted, screamed, wrote, talked, felt,dreamedandprayedtothebestofyourabilityandthere’sstillsuffering,youhavetoletitgo.Dothepractices.Letgoofthedemandofyourselfthatyoushoulddobetterwiththisprocess.Allowyourselftohavebeenpermanentlyalteredfromtheexperience.Practicegratitudeforeverything.ThisiswhatItrytodoanditworks.Somedaysarebetterthanothers.Butthisislife.Wedoourbest.Thatmaysoundtrite. But it’s the truth.My teacher has said it to us and tome personallymanytimes.Wedoourbestandthatisallwecando.

Theabove is theoverallprocess.What Iwant tosharenextaresomeways topracticeacknowledgingourgriefandlossandsomehybridshamanicpracticesforhealing.Theexpertstalkaboutsomesignsofunresolvedgrief.Seeifanyoftheseresonatewithyou.

“Ifyouareunwillingtothinkaboutortalkaboutsomeonewhohasdied,oranyother

loss,thatmaysignifyunresolvedgrief.

Iffondmemoriesturnpainful,youmaybeexperiencingunresolvedgrief.

If you want to talk only about positive aspects of the relationship, it might be

unresolvedgrief.

Wanting to talk only about negative aspects of the relationship may be a sign of

unresolvedgrief.

Unresolvedgriefmaybeat the root of any fearassociatedwith thoughts or feelings

abouttherelationship.”-TheGriefRecoveryHandbook

Whenyoureadthese, it’seasytoseehowspiritualbypassingcouldcomeintoplay.Wewant toavoid suffering.Ourdefensemechanism is tocover thepainordistractourselves fromit.Wecandothatbydwellingonthenegativeand/orthepositive. But the truth isn’t just one sided. We need to come to terms with theemotionaltotalityoftherelationshiptowhoorwhatwelostinordertoheal.

Todothat,weneedtogetgutlevelhonestaboutthebigpicture.Allofit.Goodand bad. There’s no way to get completion without doing this and that meansthere’snowaytoletgoandnowaytoheal.Soit’suglyandpainfulbutit’sgottabedone.

Practice:LossInventory

OpenupaspreadsheetinExcelorGoogleDocs.Ifyoudon’tknowhowtouseone,watch a Youtube video. It’s not hard and is well worth the effort. Here’s ascreenshotofarealoneofmine:

W

TheElements

e will all have health problems. The Buddha taught about samsara, theinfinitecycleofbirth,sickness,oldageanddeath.Withourspiritualstudy

andpractice,wecanlearntoletgooftheobstaclesthatkeepustrappedinsamsara.AncienthealingartssuchasAyurveda,ChineseandTibetanmedicineshowthat

formost of us our elements are out of balance. Thewhole universe, with all itscomplexity, is essentially built on the five elements of Space (Ether), Air, Fire,Water,Earth.Alloftheseelementsandtheirsystemsarebasedonenergy,thoughtherearedifferentexplanationsandpracticesineach.AccordingtoDavidFrawley,inYogaandAyurveda,

"They are called tanmatras, ‘primal measures,’ and are named after their

correspondingsensoryqualities.ThisisreferencedinBuddhistDharmaasthefivesenses

and six types of consciousness; that is one for each sense: eye consciousness, ear

consciousness,andmindasthesixth.Allaresaidtobeempty.

1)ShabdaTanmatra-tanmatraofsound-ether

2)SparshaTanmatra-tanmatraoftouch-air

3)RupaTanmatra-tanmatraofsight-fire

4)RasaTanmatra-tanmatraoftaste-water

5)GandhaTanmatra-tanmatraofsmell-earth"

Thetanmatrasareatalevelhigherthanthemostsubtleaspectsofourelements.Theyaretheconnectionsoftheelementstooursenses.Wemaynotbeabletoworkwithourmostsubtleenergies,unlesswebecomeanadvancedtantricadept,butwecanmirroritwhenweworkwiththesenses.

InChinesemedicine, the five elements ofwood, fire, earth,metal andwatercoordinate and nourish each other in the human body. For example, the woodelement promotes the fire element and controls the earth element. All of thesesystems use special herbs and energy-related practices that involve both physicalmovementandsilentmeditation,includingmassage,acupuncture,andQigong(lifeenergy cultivation). The goal of these different healing systems is essentially tocreate balance in our energy flow. Throughout the book, we’ll do practicesconnectedwiththesesystemsthatuseourbody,energyandmindtobefit,directourprana(vitallifeforce),andbringfocusandclarity.Inessence,alloftheseservetointegrateourelementsintothewhole,orthetotalityofourselves.

Thiskindofpracticewillworkforeveryonebecause,asFrawleypointsout,

"Thetanmatrasareconnectedtoprana,thesubtleenergybehindtheelements.Prana

canbedirectedbybreathing,withmantra(recitationofsacredsyllables),poses,movement,

meditation,visualization.Youcanthenseetheconnectionbetweenbreathingpracticeand

coordination of our subtle energies.We can connect to our elements through our senses

withdirectedoropenmeditationsand,whenweaddbreathing,movingandvisualization,

weapproachtheproblemofdisorderedlung;winds,chi,energy,prana.”

In the system of Tibetan Medicine, the elements support what are calledhumours. According to Chogyal Namkhai Norbu in Birth, Life and Death, "The

medical term [humour] denotes a basic potency that has the specific capacity to create,

maintainanddestroylife."Whenoneofourthreehumours,(wind,bileorphlegm)isoutofbalance,itcausesadisturbancethatcancreateproblemssuchasillness.

When you do the practices of the elements, keep in mind the idea thatperformingtheelementspracticeismedicine.

ElementsPractice:DowntoEarth

Anyofourmovementpractices, such as thisone, shouldbedone in loose-fittingclothing,with shoes and socksoff. If youdon’thaveayogamatyet, gograbonefromTargetfor$10,orhere’salinkonAmazontoamatthatIrecommend.

Theelementscanbepracticedoneatatimeorinanyorder.Sometimesspacecomesfirst,andfromthatotherelementsmanifest.Othertimesfireisthefocus,orair,orwater.Inthisbook,welearntorecognizewhatourconditionisandtodothepractice thatweneed in thatmoment. Ifwehaveno ideawhere to start,we canstartanywhere.Therearemanywaystointegrateourelements.Ayurveda,definedbyDeepakChopra,is,“morethanameresystemoftreatingillness,Ayurvedaisascience

oflife(Ayur=life,Veda=scienceorknowledge).Itoffersabodyofwisdomdesignedto

helppeoplestayvibrantandhealthywhilerealizingtheirfullhumanpotential.”Ayurvedausesfoods,pranayama,purificationssuchasscrapingthetongueanddrainingthesinuses with a small neti pot. Tantric systems use visualizations. Some systemsabandonallmethodsandworkwithnon-dualinfinitespacetotransformproblemsintopurity.

I’vecreated somepractices foryou to try thatarebasedonmy teachingsandexperiences.Asalways,followyourownhearttoconnectinwaysthatfeelrighttoyou.Takewhatyouwant,leavetherest.

Theearthelementiscoarseanddense.Wecancoordinateourearthenergybyconnectingwithourownsenseofdensity,solidity,andstructure.Forthispractice,liedownonyourback.Inyogaclasses,wecallthissavasana(restingpose).Theideaistobestill.Useayogamatorblanket,butnotabed.Wewanttoconnectwithahardsurfacetofeelthestabilizingnatureofourearthelement.Eventhoughwe’renotactually layinginthedirt,westillsay“earth”whenwemakecontactwiththe

floor,amat,etc.Ifyouhaveanopportunitytodothisonabeach,allthebetter.A

parkoryourfrontlawncouldalsobefun.Justtelleveryoneyou’reconnectingwiththeearthtoletgoofyourstress.Otherwise,findaquietspotwhereyouwon’tbedisturbed for fifteenminutes.Youmightwant to coverpartof yourbodywith ablanket.Setatimer.IfyouhaveaSmartphone,there’sanappforthat.Youmayfallasleepandthat’sOK.Thispracticewillgroundyou.Literally.

Separateyourfeetathip-widthdistance.Letyourtoesrolloutwayfromeachother.Your legsarestraight. If this isuncomfortableonyourback,youcanuseabolster, suchasablanketoryogacushion,underyourknees.Letyourpalmsrestfacingtheskyatyoursides,thumbsout,pointingawayfromthebodyinanatomicalposition.Closeyoureyes.Takeanice,slow,deepinhalation.Exhalealltheway.

Keepbreathingslowlyanddeeplyforabit,andthenrelax.Bringawarenesstoyour heels at the pointwhere they touch the earth.Notice the pressure on yourskin.Thenletyourawarenessgodeeper, intothemuscles,connectivetissues,andjoints and bones. Notice your bones as you lie there alone, still as a stone. Youmight feelrelaxed,but trynot tomoan.Continue focusingyourawarenessat thepoints where your body makes contact with the earth—the backs of the legs,buttocks,hips,shoulders,andyourhead.Feelyourwristsandelbowsinthesameway, and go deeper and deeper. Be still. Let stillness be your guide. Let yourexhalationstakeyouintoasofterspaceofinnerquiet.Restthereuntilit’stimetogetup.Asyoudoso,moveslowly.Turntoonesidefirst.Drawthekneesup.Comeupslowandeasy.

ElementsPractice:GrabSomeAir

Begin with a breathing practice. A common one is the yogi breath, often calledPranayamaUjjayi, pronouncedEW-JA-YEE. In yogi breathing,we simply roll thebreathoverthebackofthethroat.Aswebreathein,weconstrictthethroatalittle.This creates warmth and a sense of focus. We try to maintain the yogi breath

throughoutourpractice.Belowisasequenceofpostures.Youcanworkwiththem

oneatatimeoroneafteranother.

CrouchandCurlPosture

Modification: If you have difficulties with any posture, there’s always a way tomodifyorsubstitute.Thiscanbedoneonyourbackorinachair.Ifyouneedmoreideas,justemailme.

Squatdownonthefloorwithyourkneestogetherinfrontofyou,handsonthefloor.Modification: Lie down on your back and draw your knee or knees up toyour chest.Otherwise, you cankeepyourhandson the floororwrapyour armsaround your knees, reaching for opposite elbows. Tuck your chin to your chest.Bringyour foreheadtoyourknees.Engageyouryogibreath.Squeezeyourkneestogether. Thiswill open your lower back. Breathe deep and slow, throat slightlyconstricted.Remain in thisposition fora fullminute,or justdoyourbest.Whenyou’rereadytomoveon,we’llpracticegoingfromthissquatandcurltomountainpose and back.On an inhale, slowly come to standing, arms at your sides. Chincomesuplast.

MountainPose

Modification:Youcandothisonyourback.Feelthearchesofyourfeetpressintotheearth.Rememberthatyouaremade

up partly of the earth element. Raise your kneecaps slightly, engaging yourquadriceps. Push your feet down, roll your thighbones toward each other, to themiddleofyourspace.Tuckyourtailbonedowntowardyourheels.Noticehowyouarerootedintheearth.Drawyourbellyin,andraiseyourarmstothesky.Liftyourchest, and then turn your pinkies toward one another. Bring your elbows up byyourearsandrollyourshouldersupandbackanddown.RebuildtheposefromthesolesofyourfeettothetipsofyourfingersasyoupracticeYogiBreathing.

Closeyoureyes.Thinkofyourfavoritemountain.Howisittobeamountain?Belikethat.Rooted.Strong.Solid.Thenmoveliketheair.Dosowithvigor.Breatheinandtouchthesky!Breatheoutandtouchtheearth!Comebackdownslowlyintoyoursquattedcurlonyourslowexhale.Withone

breath,riseupasamountaintotheheavens.Repeat anywhere from one time to one hundred and eight times. Or until

you’re tired.Then finda seatedpositionandsit still for fiveminutes.Allowyoureyestorelax.Noticehowyoufeel.Option:Addthesavasanapracticefromearlier.

ElementsPractice:FireitUp!

The fire element is, in a yogic sense, a transformative force in nature.Yoga and

Ayurvedastates,

"It is not simply fire in the elemental sense but all potentials of heat, light and

electricity.Thisdivinefire is theoriginof life, lightandlove,andthepowersof thesoul

thatmotivateusfromwithin.Thesoulitselfisourinnerfire,thespiritualaspirationdeep

withinusthataccompaniesusthroughallourbirths.Itistheinextinguishableflame,the

witnessbehindallourstatesofconsciousness,theever-wakefulseer."

There are several variations of a story in Tibetan Buddhism about GuruPadmasambhava,theteacherwhobroughtthetantricteachingstoTibetfromIndia.Inone,hehaddispleased thekingandwasburnedat the stake.When the flamesdieddown,therehewas,unharmed,manifestingthewisdomofillumination.Thisisanexampleofwhat itmeans toreally integratewithanelement.Weshouldbemindfulofthetendencytospirituallybypassbecausethere’salwaysanotherlevelofdevelopment—moreshadowenergytobringtothefireoftransformation.

We can practice with fire on the outer level, using fire as an offering andpurificationpractice,orontheinnerlevelusingbreath.Forthispractice,we’lldotheouterversion.Gatherfragrantwoods,suchasAmazonianPaloSanto(YoucangetitonAmazon!)oranotherbark,herbssuchasRosemary,Lavender,Sageandatleast one very pungent incense, such asTibetanFrankincense. See theResourcesSectionforagoodplacetofindsome.

This can be done on a small scale indoors—please use caution—or outdoorsusing a barbecueor campfire.Theprinciple is the same, regardlessof the size. Ifnothing else is available, use a small scented candle. That’ll work just fine. Myshaman,RosemaryBeam,taughtmehowtodofireofferingsaspartofmyfiveyearshamaninternship.We’vedonethesesmallandverylarge,suchasatthefirepitonourhotspringsretreats.

Ifyou’reinanapartmentandwanttodothisinside,Idon’trecommendusingacoaldisc.Theytendtoputoffnoxiousfumes.Rather,getabrassdishorsmallmetalbowl.You’llputyouritemsinthere,maybeundersomepaperandlightthemup.Iuseasmallbutanewindprooflighterasit’smucheasierthanmatchesoraregularflame.Becareful!OnetimeIdidaTibetanfireofferinginmymeditationroom,anditmadesomuchsmokethatallthefirealarmswentoff.

Usecautionandmindfulnessplease.Tobegin,dooneor twosetsof theNineRoundBreathingpractice.Next, set

yourintention.Whatdoyouwanttoofferuptothefire?Perhapssomethingfromoneof the listswe’vemade so far, an attachmentor addiction,maybe somethingthatstandsinyourway,orapersonaldeficitofsomekind.It’suptoyou.Youmightwriteitdownonapieceofpapertoofferituptotheflames.Otherwise,youcanuseyourbreathtoblowintothefireasyoumakeyouroffering.Onceyourintentionisset,prepareyourbundleofofferings.

To make a bundle, you can use a piece of tissue or newspaper. Add yourincense,wood,essentialoil(becareful)andyourlistofwhatyouwanttoletgoof.

Depending on the size of your fire, youmightwant to tear things up into smallpieces.Youcanalsojustholdsomeoftheseinyourhands,cuppedtogether.Takeahugebreathinwhileyouimaginethatyou’regoingtoletgoofwhatyoudon’tneed.Put yourmouthonyourhands andblow into themwith strength and,well, fire!Tryacoupleroundsofthis.Imaginethatyou’reblowingoutwhatnolongerservesyou,intotheofferings.Lightyourcandleorwhateveryou’reusingtocreatethefireoffering.

Hold thebundleout to the fire fora fewmoments.Getquietandstill.Recallyourintention.Imaginethatasyousettheitemsintothefire,youarereleasingoldideas,toxicrelationships,andbadhabits.Then,letthemgo.Intotheflames.Ifthefire is small, blow gently and carefully into the fire with your purifying breath.Otherwisejustexhaleintotheopenspacebetweenyouandthefire.Sitsilentlyandfeel the releaseof energy.Notice theheat in frontofyou.Notice the firewithin.Relaxandfindsomethingcontemplativetodo.

ElementsPractice:WateroffaDuck

The water element is fluid and moving. It’s said to be a shapeshifter in that itchanges its shape to match its container. If restricted, water will stagnate.AccordingtotheUSGeologicalSurvey,ourheartsandbrainsarecomprisedofupto75%water.Ifwedon’tdrinkenoughwater,whichisabout2.7litersforwomenand3.7 formen every day,we can get constricted, sore, tired, especially ifwe’reworking out. Other sources, such as Dr. Oz, say that if we’re drinking enoughwater,oururinewillbeclear.Ifit’sdark,weneedmore.

Asidefromtakinginenoughwater,weneedtostaybalancedwiththeelementitself.Whenwe’re depleted of ourwater element due to overtaxing our systems,beingconstrictedinourflowofmentalorphysicalenergy,orifwearen’tintegratedwellwithitsproperties,wecanloseourvitality,sexualinterestandenthusiasm.Wecanbecomedepressed,burntout,anddrained.

AccordingtoAyurvedicMedicine,thewaterelementisrelatedtosuchthingsasthenourishmentofthebrain,andsensualexperiences.Infact,Ayurvedaconnectsittothesecondchakra,energyportal, locatedintheareaofthesexorgans,whereitallowsformovementofourdesireenergies.

Let’s keep the water element flowing with this practice. We’ll work with asimpleflowofbreathandmovementthatconnectstoourkidneys,whichareourwaterpurificationcenters.

AnandaBalasana,HappyBabyPose

Beginseateduprightwithastraightspine.Ifyou’reconfinedtoabed,youcanstilldothepractice,butuprightandstraight isbestotherwise.Startwiththreetofiveminutesof theYogiBreathpractice.Remember, that’sa slightconstrictionof thebackof the throat,with long, slow inhalationsandexhalations.Thiswill createawarming sensation and will stimulate mucus production related to our waterelement.Liedownonyourback.Drawyourkneesupintoyourchest.Useayogastrapifthat’shelpfularoundoneorbothknees.Makecircleswithyourknees,firstclockwise,thencounterclockwise.Imaginethatyou’remassagingyourlowerbackandvitalorgans,infusingyourkidneyswithvitalenergy.

Youmayusearolleduptowelunderyourneckifthatfeelsbetter.Keepyourtailboneandheadonthefloor.Reachforyourfeet.Holdtheoutsideorinsideedgesofyourarches,one ineachhand,oryourankles—whatever isaccessible. Imaginethat you are as fresh and new as an infant. Your energy is being restored to itsoriginalcharge—theonethatwasstrongenoughtobeginyourlife.Drawonekneetothefloor,thentheother.

Next level: holdon to thebackof yourknees and rock forwardandbackonyouryogamat,until youmake itbackup toyour comfortable seatedposition. Ifyou’renotreadytorock,justmakeyourwayupmindfully,howeveryouneedtodo

it.DoanotherroundoftheNineBreathings.Sitsilentlyinthispositionforatleastafewminutesbeforearising.

ElementsPractice:SpaceisNotaPlace

Isavedthespaceelementforlastbecausealthoughsometeachingsbeginwithit,it’sbetter toworkwith thisoneaftergettinggrounded in theothers.As always, feelfreetodotheseinanyorderormannerthatsuitsyou.IlearnedaverycoolbreathreleasefromaTibetanmasterinSantaFeacoupleofyearsagowhenIwasontherunfromaveryunhealthyrelationship,oneofmanycrosscountrytripswhereIputinover10kmilesrunningawayandthengoingback.

Over and over like a trauma junkie. This practice helped me let go of thatmonkey.

Note:onthe12stepbuddhist.comIhavea secretpage formypodcast listenerswithrecordingsofmeteachingthispractice.

Fromaseatedorstandingposition,takeabiginhale.Filluptothetop.Expandyour lungs anddeepen,deepen.Openyour throat, yourheart andyour third eyechakraandreleasewitha longHAAAAAAsound.Thenpause,empty.Repeat.Dothisafewtimes,thenstareintospace.Loseyourfocusonthings.If there’sabluesky, stare into it.Otherwise just thespacebetweenyouand thewallor the floor.Don’tdothiswhiledriving.Noticespace.Beempty.GuruPadmasambhavasaidtodothisandaskyourself,“Ismymindlikethis?”Spacious.Pure.Open.Free.

Let.Thefuck.Go.

A

DoYouHavePTSD?

lot of people want to know if what they’re experiencing are consideredsymptomsofPTSD.BelowIdiscussagreatarticlethatgetsrightintoit.The

reasonwhyPTSDisrelevanttoTheYogaofLettingGo isbecauseinordertoheal,weneedtobeabletorelease.Ifwedon’tevenknowwehavetheeffectsoftrauma,it’shardtoknowhowtoletitgo.Anotherreasonisthatwhenweloseapersonorpetorourhealth,holdingoncankeepusfromhealing.Soweneedtoletgoofthecause(trauma)andtheeffect(PTSD).Doesthatmakesense?

10 Symptoms of PTSD Everyone Should Know: Flashbacks andnightmaresarecommon,buttherearelesser-knownsignsofpost-traumaticstressdisordertowatchfortoo.-Health.comAmandaGardner,November09,2017

“PTSDsignsandsymptoms.Theconceptofpost-traumaticstressdisorder(PTSD)has

been with us for centuries but has had many names. It was “shell shock” and “battle

fatigue” before it was PTSD and is now known to affect not justmilitary veterans but

anyonewhohasgonethroughanintensetraumaticexperience.Infact,aboutoneineleven

peoplewillhavePTSDintheirlifetime,accordingtotheAmericanPsychiatricAssociation.

While anxiety symptoms are a huge part of PTSD, they’re not the whole picture.

PeoplewithPTSDoftensufferfromdepression,negativethoughts,andimpulsiveorself-

destructivebehavioraswell.”

The reality of PTSD treatment is that the government shut down researchfunding for it when they figured out that people were going to start having anegativeopinionofwaraftertheyrealizedtheeffects ithadonsoldiers. Itwasn’tuntil about 15 years ago that advances in brain imaging improved and fundingopeneduptostudyPTSD.Evenso,likeallpropaganda,oncethemisinformationisoutthere,it’sreallyhardtounringthatbell.

ThetruthisthatPTSDhappensonsomeleveltoeveryone.Lifeistraumatic.Itcan cripple us and cause so many problems that it’s hard to trace them all.Regardless,traumaisrealandwecanheal.That’sthedeal.Nomatterhowyoufeel.

Forme, learningaboutPTSDhasbeenanongoingprocess. I learnedabout itmanyyearsagobut,unfortunately,duetothewayclinicaldiagnosesaremade,mysymptoms went undiagnosed and therefore untreated. As a long-term 12-Stepmember,Ididalotofwhatwecallpersonalinventoryintomyemotionalhistory.Through all the years of therapy and Adult Children of Alcoholics and Al-AnonFamilyGroups,Ialwayslookedforsomesinglecatastrophicevent.Icouldn’tfindone. The reason I thought there was supposed to be one event that caused thetraumaisbecauseofthemisinformationonPTSD.

Beforeweget into the symptoms, Iwant to address theproblemswithbeingdiagnosedwithPTSD. In anothergreat article,WhyPTSD IsUnder-Recognized,PartI:TheUpsideDown,PsychologyTodayFeb14,2018Init,MichaelScheeringatalks about the reasons why people often don’t get treatment for PTSD due tocliniciansnotrecognizingit.

DiagnosticProblem#1:Timeline

“Before symptoms of PTSD can be ticked off as present or not, you must know if the

symptom started before or after the event in question. Many of these inquiries require

multi-step connections for both the interviewer and respondent: Identify the symptom,

connectitbackintimetoapastevent,andrecognizethatthecurrentmanifestationsare

relatedtothepastexperiences.”Wehavetobeabletonametheproblemtosolveit.Sincetheremayormaynotbeawaytotracethetraumatoasingularorseries

of events, and relate it back to specific symptoms, PTSD can stay under thetreatment radar. These symptoms thatwe’re talking about can also have variouscausesandcanlookveryconfusing.Nonetheless,thepracticesinTheYogaofLetting

Go arepowerfulhealing tools, even ifwenevercometoaclearunderstandingofhowwegottraumatized.

DiagnosticProblem#2:Avoidance

“Avoidance of reminders of traumatic events make up two of the symptoms of PTSD.

Many clinicians believe, mistakenly, that asking about traumas will make the patients

excessively distressed and cause tension in their relationships with patients. I believe

howeverthattherealreasonscliniciansavoidtalkingabouttraumaiseitherthatitmakes

thecliniciansfeeluncomfortable,notthepatients,orthecliniciansdon’tevenconsiderthe

diagnosis.”Trauma is traumatizing. As suffering beings we’re not normally, unless our

parentsareyogis, trainedtobe in thepresentmomentwithoursufferings.ThesepracticessuchasIofferinthisbookareantitheticaltothecommonreactionsthatwehavetoourpain.Becauseofthismindset,it’seasytobypassorthinkwe’rewellor spiritual or “over it” sooner than we are. We have to consciously andintentionallytrainourselvestofeelthepainsowecanhealthepain.

DiagnosticProblem#3:TheInnerBattle

“Manysymptomsareinternalized,existingprimarilyasthoughtsorfeelings.Thatis,they

are not flagrantly manifest by behaviors to the outside world. These symptoms include

avoidanceofreminders,self-blame,feelingdetachedfrompeople,dissociativeexperiences,

and intrusive recollections. You can’t tell someone has PTSDby looking at themand it

requiresthoroughinterviewingtospotthesesymptoms.”Ifyourclinicianisn’t lookingforoutwardmanifestationsofinnerexperiences

that you might not even know you’re having, they’re going to miss the PTSDdiagnosis.I’mnotalicensedcliniciansoI’mnotofferingmedicaladvice.However,IwillsaythatI’mnot100%surethatyouactuallyneedthediagnosisofPTSD.We’veallgotsomelevelsoftraumaandthepracticesoutlinedhere,aswellasanyregularyogaand fitness routinearegoing tohelpyou.A lot.Maybeanofficialdiagnosiswillhelpyouinsomeways.Youmightneedmedications.I’vetakenthemforyearsata timemyself.NowIdon’thaveanymeds inmysystembutI100%encourageyoutoseekoutallthehelpyoucanget.Beagoodconsumer.Usecautionwithwhoyoutrustandwhatyouputinyourbody.Followyourclinician’sadvice.AddthemtoyourSpiritualManagementTeam.Evenso,forsureIknowthis:traumaisrealandmeditationhelpsyoudeal.Takethatforwhatit’sworth.

DiagnosticProblem#4:Lifehappensinstages

“Many symptoms of PTSD look different in children compared to teenagers and adults

because of their developmental differences. For example, the assessment of difficulty

concentratingrequiresdifferentquestionsdependingonwhethertheclientispreschool-age,

adolescent,oradult.”I’massumingthatyou’renotachildorteenagerifyou’rereadingthis.Ifyouare

thenIalsotrustyoutotakecareofyourselfandusetheadviceofyourcaregiversandtrustedguardians.Byallmeans,formaSpiritualManagementTeam.Ifyou’reaparent,obviouslythisdiagnosticproblemisgoingtobeofconcerntoyou.Iwouldlookforcliniciansthatspecializeintraumaforkidsandyoungadults.Youcanbeapart of your child’s team and collaboratewith them and the rest of the team onimportantdecisionslikemedication,programsandpractices.It’soutsidethescopeofthisbookbutIthinkit’sworthmentioning.

DiagnosticProblem#5:Memoryistricky

“Memorycomplicatesthings.MemoryisacriticalpartofPTSDinawaythatisunique

fromany other disorder.Memory of a traumatic event is required for the disorder, and

memorytoconnectpresentsymptomstopastexperiencesisneededinordertodiscussany

symptoms in an evaluation.Memory, however, can be balky and malleable. Clinicians

havetobeextrapatienttoallowclientstimetoretrievetheirmemories.SometimesIteach

mytraineestositquietlyandcounttosixintheirheadseachtimethattheymustwaitfor

respondentstoretrievememories.”The problem I have with this for myself is that the trauma erased a lot of

memories.Mytimelinesarealleffedup.Iforgetdetails,theorderofthings.IknowforexampleallofthecitiesthatIboltedtofrom2015-2017:Seattletwice,Portlandtwice,RanchoBernardotwice,Vistathreetimes,SantaFetwice.Bajaonce.Inspiteofthat,Ican’ttellyouforthelifeofmewhathappenedtotriggermetopackupandrunforeachofthosetimes.Iknowallofthefactsofeverythingthathappened,butit’sajumbledmessuntilIwriteitdownandtalkitoutintherapy.Idon’tknowthatit’sevenimportantthatIremembereverythinginorder.

However, if I were sitting with my therapist and he said I didn’t meet thecriteriaforPTSDbecauseIdidn’thavethememoriesalltogether,thatwouldbeamistakeonhispart.

Don’tletyourclinicianmakethatmistake.

DiagnosticProblem#6:Assessmenttakestime

“Thereare20possiblesymptomsinthePTSDDSM-5criteria.Thisismorethandouble

thenumber found innearlyallotherdisorders. Itought tobeevident fromthe first five

reasonsthatextratimeisneededtoconductagoodassessmentforallofthesesymptomsof

PTSD.”These assessments can be time consuming and expensive. I once spent hours

takingtheMMPI,MinnesotaMultiphasicPersonalityInventory.Itwaspartofthe

insurancerequirementforatreatmentcenterthatIwenttoafterIrelapsedwithtenyearssober.Idon’tknowhowmuchitcost,probablythousands.Thecliniciancameintogivemetheresultsandsaidsomethingthatstilldumbfoundsandconfoundsmetothisday.Andthiswasin1996.

He said that I faked the test andwanted to knowhow I did it.Astoundinglyenough,theguywasserious!Hesatdownandlookedatmeandsaid,“OK,how’dyoudoit?”ApparentlyIrankedwayoverthetoponall18+measurementscales.Iasked my thesis advisor from graduate school about this and he said it wasimpossible,butifyoucouldhaveseenthelookonthetherapist’sface,you’dknowthat in hismind at least, Iwas somehowdiabolical enough to be crazy on everypossiblemeasure,eventhoughsomeofthemwereoppositeofeachother!

Mystoryaside,becarefulwhoyouaregettingassessedby,howtheyinterprettheresultsandhowitimpactsyourtreatmentplan.Ihadanothertherapistchargeme $700 for a 45 minute chat to get to know me that she billed as a fullpsychologicalworkup.Itwasn’t,soIgotadifferenttherapist.Practicemindfulnessinyourdecisionsregardingmentalhealthcare.

Beyourownadvocate.

DiagnosticProblem#7:Frameofreference.

“When interviewing loved ones of patients, particularly parents of children and

adolescents,theymaynotfullyunderstandthesyndromeofPTSD.Iflovedonesorparents

haveneverhadPTSDthemselves,theyhavenoframeofreferenceofwhatthesymptoms

looklikeandtheywillhaveadifficulttimeunderstandingthequestions.Contrastthisto

other types of psychiatric syndromes, such as depression or ADHD. Nearly everyone

recognizes the sadness of depression and the hyperactivity of ADHD, but you can’t tell

someonehasPTSDbylookingat them.Theframeofreferenceproblemisaproblemfor

clinicianstooiftheyhaveneverreceivedpropertrainingaboutPTSD.”

TheSymptomsofPTSD

Experiencingorwitnessingalife-threateningevent

“PTSDcanstrikeanyonewhohasgonethroughalife-threateningevent.Thatmeansnot

just war, but sexual assault, natural disasters like earthquakes or hurricanes, mass

shootings,motorvehicleaccidents,andmore.

NoteveryonewhohasgonethroughtraumawilldevelopPTSD.Alternately,forsome

people,learningaboutviolenceortragedythathappenedtosomeoneelse–likethemurder

ofafamilymemberorfriend–canleadtothedisorder.”I think it’s important tomake thedistinctionhere that itdoesn’tmatter if an

actual life threatening event, or sequence of events occurred or if there was anongoing sense of not being safe. For example, inmy childhood I never felt safe,calmorsettled.TherewasalwaysareasontobeonhighalertbecauseIneverknewwhatwasgoingtohappen.Anyonewhogrewupinanalcoholicoraddicthome,oronewithmentalillness,canattesttothisongoingdis-ease.

Thefeelingofnotbeingsafeisreallyenoughtocausetraumaandarrestedbraindevelopment if itgoeson longenough.Ourbrainbecomesaddictedtostressandhyperarousal,evenifabombdidn’tgooffinfrontofus.ThelittleemotionalbombsofbeingdisregardedbyadrunkornarcissistcaregiverareenoughtocausePTSDlater,evenifweweren’tbeatenorsexuallyabused.

Flashbacks

“Flashbacksandunwanted, intrusivememoriesareknownasre-experiencingsymptoms,

whichcanmakeatraumasurvivorfeelliketheyarerelivingthetraumaticevent.Smells,

sights,andsounds–likeacarbackfiring,thewhirringofahelicopter,oranewsreport–can

alltriggerflashbacks.”Givenwhatweknowaboutthediagnosticerrors,it’simportanttoreiteratethat

flashbackscanbetriggeredbyanything.Anysight,sound,smell, texture,memory

orinternalevent,evendreams,cancausehorriblePTSDflashbacks.It’snotjustthe

obvious, noticeable events like a car backfiring. The internal triggers have noexternal cue, as we discussed above. So how do you know if you’re in a PTSDflashback?Thebottom line is that if you’re reliving thoughts, physical symptomsandsensationsthatareinappropriateoroutofproportiontowhat’sgoingonintheworldaroundyou,you’repossiblyinsomelevelofPTSDflashback.

●Thefeelingstateofbeinghopelesscanbepartofaflashback.●Gettingexcitedtomeetsomeonewho’soutwardlyrudeornegative,butstill

makesyoufeelattractedispossiblyaformofPTSDflashback.●Wakingupwithseveredreadordepressiononabeautifuldaywherenothing

hasgonewrongyetmightbeseenasaformofPTSDflashback.●Recurringdreams.Aretheyflashbacks?Maybeso.Seebelow.●Compulsivebehaviorsareprobablyrelatedtoyourearliertrauma.

Practice:TouchDown

My friend Samantha gave me this practice over text one morning when I wasexperiencingsymptomsofPTSD.Shesaid ithelpswithPTSD,so I tried itand itreallydidworkwellforme.It’sprettysimple.ThisoneisrelatedtotheanchoringpracticethatIgot fromPeaceandHarmonyonYoutube in thatwhenyounoticeyourself beginning to slip into a bad state of mind, you empower yourself withintentionanddeliberateaction.Forexample,whenyoufeellikeyou’reinashamecore spiral or a PTSD episode, ground yourself by touching five different andseparatesurfacesandtextures.

Try to find things that are hot, cold, smooth, rough, hard, soft. The tactilesensation apparently pulls the brain out of that pinpoint focus of fight, flight orfreeze.Allof thesepracticesarebasedonMindfulAwareness,withoutwhichyoumight not have the ability to discern the different states ofmindwhen you’re in

them. It takes training. Mind training. Make sure that you spend time on the

following exercise, if nothing else. It gives you the foundation to do the otherpracticesinthisbook.

Nightmares

“FlashbacksareamongthebestknownsymptomsofPTSDbutnightmares–oneofmany

reasonspeoplewithPTSDoftenhavepoorsleep–areactuallymorecommon.Nightmares

or upsetting dreams about the traumatic event are also considered re-experiencing

symptoms, since they canmakepeople experiencingPTSD feel like theyareback in the

time and place of their trauma. Nightmares and other re-experiencing symptoms can

sometimesbetriggeredbyaperson’sownthoughtsorcertainwords.”Iwanttosaysomethingfromamoreesoteric,spiritualpointofviewaboutthis.

From aBuddhist perspectivewe’ve all livedmillions of lives.We are in samsara.Birth,sickness,oldageanddeath.Remember,karmaisthecauseofsomething.Andtheresult.Actionscausereactions.Intentionintensifiestheaction.

It might be overstating the obvious to say that we have died, and hadsubsequentkarmic trauma in each of our past lives.That karmic energy is in ourmindstream.It’snormallybelowconsciousness,butit’sthere,likeaseedwaitingtobewatered.Oncealittlesunshinehits,akarmicsproutisborn.Thatcanbealittlethoughtorasmallactionorsomefeelings.Everythinghasacause.

When we have traumatic dreams that seem to have nothing to do with ourcurrent lives, my teacher says that these can possibly be karmic dreams, frompreviouslives.Imaginethatifwecan’tevenmanagethesymptomsofPTSDfromthislife,whathappensifwebegintorememberourpastlivesassageslikePatanjaliand Buddha have reported? In fact, if you read the yoga sutra about aparigrahaquotedearlier,you’llseethatoneoftheeffectsofpracticingaparigrahainthenon-hoarding aspect, is thatwe see our past lives.Ourminds becomemore free andopentoperceivespiritualtruthswhenwe….waitforit….learntoletgo.

Anyway, the dreamswe’re having are the result of karma, andmay be fromotherlifetimesfilledwiththeirownPTSD-inducingtraumas.We’dhavetohaveaprettybigheartandBuddhamindtobeabletoholdspaceforthat.

Forme it is true that PTSD induced dreams have causedmemany nights ofpoorsleep,followedbyhazydays.Thepracticeswiththeelements,groundingandopeningspacehavebeenthemedicineformethathealsthesedeep,internalpsychicwounds.It’ssohelpfultousethesensestogetgroundedinthenow.

Afterall,PTSDisthenotnow!

Practice:ShiftAwareness

Oncewelearntoplaceourmind’sfocusonanobjectandleaveitthereaslongaswe wish, without being distracted by the push and pull of karma—then we canintentionallyshiftawarenessfromoneobjecttoanother,atwill.

Therealbeautyofshiftingawarenesslikethisisthatwecanuseitwhenwe’reinamentalspacethatwedon’twanttobein.Whenwepracticeenoughintention,we’refarlesslikelytobesuckedintoanemotionalvortex—oursorsomeoneelse’s.

Alotoftimesonthespiritualpathallittakestocreateashiftinhowwefeelistoconsciouslyshiftourawarenesstoaplaceofgroundedpresence.

Avoidingpeople,places,orthings

“ManypeoplewithsymptomsofPTSDgooutoftheirwaytoavoidanythingthatreminds

themoftheoriginaltraumaorcouldbeatrigger.Thisavoidancecanbecomebroaderthan

aspecificpersonorsetting,ifsomeonehasbeenavictimofsexualassault,notonlydothey

avoid that person who might still be at their university, but they might avoid men

altogether,avoidgoingtoclasses.Theybecomeimmobilized.Insomecases,avoidancetakes

the form of emotional numbing. Some people with symptoms of PTSDmight refuse to

think or talk about the trauma, instead finding distractions in activities or alcohol or

drugs,accordingtotheAmericanPsychologicalAssociation.”

This avoidance canbe consciousorunconscious. Ifwedon’tknow thatwhatwe’re experiencing are PTSD symptoms,wemay not be aware ofwhywe avoidcertainpeople, places and things.However, themore aware youbecomeofwhatyou’re avoidance patterns are, the more you can practice mindful presence andobserveyourreactionsonthephysical,energeticandemotionallevels.Thencomesself-empoweredchoiceastohowtomovefurtherfromorclosertothosetriggers.

Practice:GroundedPresence

Sit in a chair. Place your feet on theEarth.Push your tailbonedown, drawyourbellyin,liftyourshouldersupandbackanddown.Pressdownwiththelowerhalfof the body. Lift upwith your torso. Allow yourself to notice the EarthChakra,muladhara, the red energy portal at the base of the tailbone.Notice this as yoursenseofbeinghome.Theunshiftingground.

Practice Mindful Awareness. Shift your focus to the root of your tailbone.NoticeyourfeetontheEarth.That’s it.You’realreadygrounded.Justnoticethat.Restinthatexperience.

Beingconstantlyonthelookoutforthreats

“This PTSD symptom is called hypervigilance. You’re scanning the environment all the

timeorareonhighalertconstantly.

Thatmightmeanalwayssittingwithyourbackto thewall inrestaurantsor lecture

hallssoyoucanseeeveryoneandeverythingtakingplaceinfrontofyou.“Theydon’twant

anyone sneaking behind them,” says Sonya Norman, PhD, director of the PTSD

consultation program at theNationalCenter for PTSDand psychiatry professor at the

UniversityofCaliforniaSanDiego.“Theywanttobereadytorespond.”

Likenightmares,thisheightenedawarenesscancontributetosleepproblemsinpeople

withPTSD.Fallingasleepandstayingasleepcanbemoredifficult ifanysmallnoiseor

changewakesyouup.”

One reasonwhywemight be on the lookout for threats is because there arethreats. As the famous comedian Lenny Bruce said, “Just because you’re paranoid

doesn’tmean they’renot out to get you.”That said, ifwewant to live our lives in ajoyous,lightandfreemanner,weneedtoletthatshitgo.

IwastoldthatIwashypervigilantintheearly90sbymyuniversitytherapist.Alwaysready,onalert,readytorespond,andthatwasjustwhilewalkingdownthestreet. There was more hyper vigilance going on beneath the surface. I wasdefensive and on offense a lot of the timewhen itwaswas inappropriate to thesituation.

Later when I was involved in a toxic relationship, all the childhoodhypervigilance resurfaced, and worsened. My young adulthood fears of betrayalbegantoconsumeme.

In the trauma bond of that relationship, as I sought help, put a name tomyfeelings and began to make progress, I was told repeatedly that I didn’t havesymptomsofPTSD.Iwaslying.Beingdramatic.Makingitupforattention.Thisiscalledgaslighting and it’s a tactic sometimesused to control and abusepeople. Ifthisishappeningtoyou,pleasegetoutofthatsituationandseekhelp,getasupportgroup and a Spiritual Management Team and do this work. For you. For self-compassion.

Letgo.

MindfulAwareness:GeneralBody

Bemindfulofyourphysicalcontainer.Nojudgement.Justbe.Noticethesensationonyour skin, in yourmuscles, joints andbones.Whenyou forget to bemindful,rememberandstartover.Youcanstartoveranytime.

Gettingstartledeasily

“Thissymptom,sometimescalledhyperarousal,iscloselyrelatedtohypervigilance.People

with PTSD often have an exaggerated reaction when they’re surprised or startled,

especially if the intrusion–a sound, smell, noise, or sight–reminds them of the original

trauma.Startlingeasily isadistinctive featureof the symptomsofPTSD; it’snot sucha

prominentsymptomofotheranxiety-relateddisorders.”I’vebeendoingZenandyogaandmindfulnesstrainingformanyyears.I’mstill

oftensurprisedathowstartledIgetatsuddennoisesorsomeonepoppingaroundthecornerunexpectedly.I’vefoundthatwithregulardailyuseofsmallamountsofCBDwithlowTHCcontent,mybrainhascalmeddown.Ithelps,butI’vecometoaplaceofacceptancethatthismightbealifelongcondition.That’sjustmypersonalexperience.Yourmileage,ofcourse,willvary.

MindfulAwareness:Breath

Notice thebreath. In andout.Nothing to changeormodify. It’s always there, soyou’reneverwithoutanobjectofmeditation.Thebreathisthelinkbetweenbodyandmind.Fromtheplaceofglobalawarenesswefeel thebody,noticethebreathwithoutalteringeither.Themindislooseandflowing.Letthoughtscomeandgo,likecloudsinthesky.

Depressionorirritability

“Since2013, thediagnosticcriteriaforPTSDhave includedmood-relatedsymptoms like

depression,anger,guilt,shame,andhopelessnessaboutthefuture.“Thesearen’tnecessarily

uniquetoPTSD,butIthinkthere’sachangeafterthetrauma,”saysNorman.“Becauseof

what theysaworwhat theydid,orbecause theycouldn’t save theday, they feela lotof

guilt.It’sverycommontooverestimatehowmuchcontroltheyhadandblamethemselves.

Soldiers may feel prepared for some of what they experience in war, but no one is

“prepared” for a trauma like sexual assault. Sexual assault survivors often feel very

vulnerableandashamed.Theyfeelthattheyhavecontributedtoitinsomeway.”

Again, I want to make the distinction that even if you don’t have a specificevent,thatdoesn’truleoutexperiencingsymptomsofPTSD.Depressionisoftenapartof itbut iscertainlynot thewholepicture.ButbecautiousofdismissingthenotionofPTSDsymptomsifyoucan’trememberspecifics.

Remember,wecan’talwaysremember.

MindfulAwareness:Mind

Afterwegetsettled instillnesswithourbodies,andareable tositandnoticethebreath, we can be in a better position to work with the stuff of the mind. Thepractice is simple,butnot easy.Letyour thoughts flowby like clouds in the sky.WhenyouforgettobeaMindfulObserver,remember.Comebacktothepractice.Keepgoing.Thereisnoend.

Chronicpain

“Not everyone with PTSD has chronic pain, and not everyone with chronic pain has

PTSD, but the two conditions do overlap.Between15%and35%of peoplewith chronic

painalsohavePTSD,accordingtotheU.S.DepartmentofVeteransAffairs.

The trauma itself canalso causepain:headaches fromabrain injury, orbackpain

fromaspinalinjury,forexample.Butevenremovingphysicalcausesfromtheequation,

theredoesseemtobeahigherlevelofchronicpaininpeoplewithPTSDthanwithout.”I would only add here that pain is pain. Yours can be physical, psychic and

emotional in any combinationwithorwithoutphysical pain.All of the sufferingfromatraumaticeventorseriesofeventsoralifetimeoffeelingunsafecanandismade worse by experiencing PTSD symptoms. It can be compounded by notlearningtoletthepaingo.I’vefoundthatwhileI’mnotpainfree,thewavesarelessintense, are less frequent and don’t last as long as they did before I began myrecoveryfromPTSDsymptomswiththetoolsandpracticesofTheYogaofLetting

Go.

Remember,thisisn’tasystemthathastobedoneinacertainwaybyeveryone.It’smoreofasetofprinciples,practices,guidelinesandtoolsthatserveasastartingpointforanyonewhoknowstheyhavestufftoletgoof,butjustcan’tquitedoitalltheway.Yet.

Youcan.Andyouwill.AndIsupportyou.Youdon’thavetodoitalone.

MindfulAwareness:PainBody

Eckhart Tolle talks a lot about the pain body. It’s like an overall container ofsuffering.Ifyoubringyourawarenesstopaininthebody,evenemotionalpainasfelt in the body, you can begin to see it as a separate entity rather than an allencompassing identity of who you are. To do this practice, check in to yourphysical body and imagine that any pain or suffering on any level that you areexperiencing is part of its own body. It’s its own thing. If you can shift yourawareness thisway, you’ll begin to separate yourself from the suffering in awaythatcancreateanopportunity forreliefwithoutavoidanceordistraction. In fact,thisisaprettybravepractice.

Feelingpanicked

“In addition to pain, peoplewith PTSDmight experience other physical symptoms, like

thoseofpanic:Yourheartraces,yousweat,yourbloodpressuregoesup,yourmusclesare

tense.Somepeoplegetdizzy,developblurryvision,orhearringingintheirears.

HavingPTSDisalsolinkedwithahigherriskofcertainphysicalconditionsdownthe

line, including diabetes, heart disease (especially high blood pressure), and immune,

digestive,andsleepdisorders.”

I’veknownofpeoplewhoexperienceseverepanicattacks.I’mnotoneofthem.ButI’vehadlongterm,acuteanxietythatmanifestsitselfinfeelingfearful,agitated,confused,disorientedandhypervigilant.Thesenseofuneasethataccompaniesmy

ownPTSDsymptomshavebeenpervasiveandhavepermeatedeveryaspectofmy

life,asleepandawake.I’vefeltinsecureanduncertaininsocialsituations,atworkand alone. The only time I am relieved of these symptoms iswhen I’m teachingyoga.ButIgointowhatIcall“shamespirals”.

PrettysurethistermwascoinedbytheauthorJohnBradshawfromtheHealingtheShamethatBindsYoueraofrecoveryliterature.Theshamespiralisasenseoffeelinglike,“Idon’tdeservetohavethoughts,feelings,needsanddesiresandthereisno

reasonIshouldbeontheplanet.Iamnotavalidhumanbeing.”That’ssupercreepy,tosay the least. They can be triggered by anything andwhen it happens I feel likecrawlingunderarock.Ican’tevenlookpeopleintheeye.Itisterrible.Especiallyforsomeonewho’snormallyveryconfidentandstrong.

Withthepracticesliketouchingdown,shiftingawareness,thebreathings,yogaclassesand soon, Ihavemade substantialprogressandyoucan too ifyou sufferfromthingslikethis.

MindfulAwareness:BreathRelease

Thispractice isalsodonesimilarly in theSpaceElement section.Herewehaveaslightlydifferentfocus.Takeabiginhale.Fillyourlungsallthewayuptothetop.Expand your lungs and deepen, deepen. Now hold on tight to all of your fears.Squeeze them like you’ll never let go.Do this next part gently but strong.Openyourthroat,yourheartandyourthirdeyechakra(intuitiveenergyportalbetweentheeyebrows)andreleasewithalongHAAAAAAsound.Pushoutalittleattheend.Liftthepelvicfloorslightly.Pushtheairandnegativepranaout.Relax.Thenpauseinaspacethatisemptyoffear.Breatheinagaintothetopandrepeattheexercise.Youcando this fora fewminutesata timeor longer,as longasyoudon’tmakeyourselfpassout.Alwaysbesafeandmindful.

Symptomsthatlastlongerthanamonth

“Symptoms of PTSD can appear immediately following a traumatic event, or they can

appear weeks,months, or even years afterward. PTSD can also come and go. Inmany

people,you’vegotchronicsymptomsthatwaxandwane,insomepeople,theygoawayand

inotherstheystaybad.Anyonewithsymptomsthatlastlongerthanamonthshouldtalk

toadoctorormentalhealthprofessionalaboutwhat they’re experiencing.Talk therapy,

medications,orbothcanhelponealleviatePTSDsymptoms.”

OfcourseyouknowbynowwhatI’mgoingtosayaboutthis.Yestalktherapy,yes ifyouneedthem,medications.Butthis is just theWesternMedicalapproach.And it’s fairly ineffective in many cases when taken alone. That’s why I do thepracticesthatIdoandwhyIwrotethisbookandthewholeYogaofTransformation

Series. As always, I advocate a dynamic, custom,multifaceted treatment plan forthese things. It’s based on my personal experience and experiences with manythousands of people who I’ve known in the recovery, mental health and yogacommunities.

Puttogetheryourownplan,useateamtomanageitanddothework.

Dothework.

Practice:LettingGoofaTraumaBond

Whenyou experience symptomsofPTSD in relation to a traumatic relationship,the feelings canparalyzeyou.After a toxic relationship, I spent about18monthsstruggling desperately to get up and out of debilitating anxiety and feelings ofdread.Thefeelingsweresooverwhelmingthatevenonmedication,withtwoyogaclassesaday, cardio, therapyandplentyof spiritualpractice, Iwasbarelyable toscrapethroughonedayatatime.

Some days I would listen to talks on YouTube about trauma bonding. ThismeditationisbasedononeofthosetalksthatIwouldlistentooverandoverand

practiceuntilitstuck.Ittakeswhatittakes,untilittakes.I’verewrittensomeofthis

meditation and some of it is word for word off the video. I have receivedpermissiontousethis,andI’mincludingthelinkbelow.

Thispracticebuildsoffof theZenandMindfulAwarenesspractices.Youcankindofweavethesetogetherinwaysthatsuityouovertime,butit’sbestatfirsttostickwithoneforawhileuntilyoufeelconfidentenoughtopullitoutofyourhatwhenyouneedit.Remember,practicewhenyou’redoingOKwillhelpyouwhenyou’renotOK.Consistencyiskey.Keeppracticing.

Noticethefeelingsinthebody.Getstill, ifyoucan.Ifyoucan’tbestill inthismoment,stilldothepractice.Letthesensationswashoveryou,nomatterhowdarkorgrosstheymaybe.Donotreact.Relaxandfollowthebreath.Thefeelingscomeand ripple through your body and wash away. Just like in your meditation, letthoughtscomeandgo.Don’tgetstuckinthethoughts.Avoidmakingthefeelingsmore intense. Let the feelings in the body come. Let them go. Let the intensityweaken, wither away, and fade. Like a muscle that’s under used, eventually thetraumabondmusclewillweaken.

Havesomeaffirmationsonpaperoryourphonesoyoucanpullthemoutwhenyouneedaspiritualintervention.CollectgoodonesonInstagramandputtheminaFavoritesfoldersoyoucangrabthemanytime,anywhere.Usethingslike,

Iamcongruentinmybodyandmind.Iamnolongerinareactivestate.Idon’thavetobeacounterforce.(PowervsForceChapter8-seeResources.)Iamatrest.Whenweallowourthoughtsandfeelingstobeinhyperarousalmode,wewill

tend to stay in that excited state.The stresswill take a tollonyourbody.Try torelax.

Iamcomingintowholeness.

Iallowmyselftoletgoofself-judgement..Icomeintothepresent.Iamanchoring.Iamresettingmysubconscious.Asemotionscomeintothepresent,saytheseoutloud:Iampresent.Iamclear.Iamliberatedinthenow.Mygreatestpowerisclear,

hereandinthenow.Allbeauty,joy,solutionsentermehereinthenow.Iamsafeinthenow.Ifeellifehereandnow.Iamopentoreceivingallthatisgood,allthatmyhigherconsciousnesshasthat

I’vebeenblockedfrom.I’mopentoreceivingthatdirectionnow.IallowmyselftobegentlyandtenderlyguidedasIreleasethisandbecomelighter.Iamabletobelighter.Iamcenteredwithinmyownbodyandmyownheart.

Iletgooftheshacklesthathaveboundmetothepast.Iamfree,inthenow.TheBuddhatalkedaboutFourMoments.Wesit,walk,eat,andsleep.Adoptthe

mentalitytobewiththedisturbingfeelingsduringtheFourMoments.Constantlyremindyourselftoopenupandbecomeanchoredwithin.Anchoredinthepresent.

AdaptedfromPeaceandHarmonyonYoutube

I

Conclusion

remember leaving an AA meeting at the Saturday Night Live Group inCampbell,Californiaoneafternoonand remarking tomy sponsor, JohnnyO.,

“Butwhatdoesitmeantoletgo?”Hedidn’tanswerthequestionbuttoldmethatifIworkedthe12stepsImightfindout.Thatwasin1984.Andlikeyouprobablydo,Istillhavethesamequestion.

In some sense, I suppose there really is noway to truly and completely andforeverletgo.Butwecanmakeaneffort.Wecanmakeprogressandwecandoourbest.Evenifwedon’tthinkabouttheperson,placeorthinganymoreandevenifwesaywe’retotallyoverit,Idon’tknowifit’spossibletobefreeoftheimpactofthatexperiencethatwaspossiblyrippedfromuswithoutwarning.

Andwouldwewanttheretobe?WhenmydogZippydied,Ivowedtoneverbeoverit.AndI’mnot,andIdon’t

wanttobe.That’stheuniquenessofmyrelationshipwithmydog.Iwillalwaysholdaplaceinmyheartandalittlebitofpainandalotofjoyinhonorandcelebration.I’llthinkofhimeverytimeIpassbythedogparkonGrapeStreetorDogBeachinOceanBeach.Andthat’showIwantit.Idon’twanttoforgetanyoftheexperience.

When it comes to someofmy relationshipswithwomen,well… I can’t say Iwanttorememberallofit.Besttohealinthatuniquewayforthatuniqueperson.

I’ve learned a lot by writing The Yoga of Letting Go. I’ve learned about theprocessandthepossibility,andI’velearnedabouttheexperiencesofothers.Ithink

I can help people better from this experience. I hope this book helped you orsomeonethatyoucareabout,eveninsomesmallway.

I’dbesuperhumbledifyou’dsendmeanoteonInstagramoremailandshareyourexperiences.Communicationwithmyreadersover thepastdecadeplushassavedme from loneliness somany times. Iwrite asmuch formyself inmy ownhealingasforanyoneelse.Andyet,inevitably,peoplelikeyou,sharewithmethatit’shelped.I’mgrateful.

InTheYogaofSelfCompassion,wetalkedaboutacceptingourselvesthroughourpracticeandcomingtoaplaceofself-compassionandhealing.Inthisbookwetookit a step furtherbyunderstanding justhowprofoundly important thepracticeoflettinggocanbe.

Next,I’mgoingtotakeyouthroughajourneyofself-empowermentinBookIII

ofTheYogaofTransformationSeries:TheYogaofBeingaBadass.

Untilthen.

Namasté!

-d

DarrenLittlejohnSanDiego,CAAugust25th,2018

Resources

OnDeathandDying-ElisabethKübler-RossOnGriefandGrieving:FindingtheMeaningofGriefThroughtheFiveStages

ofLoss-ElisabethKübler-RossThe Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The

ActionProgram forMovingBeyondDeath,Divorce, andOtherLosses includingHealth,Career,andFaith-JohnW.James,RussellFriedman

LettingGo:ThePathwayofSurrender-DavidR.HawkinsPowervsForce-DavidR.HawkinsTibetan Yoga ofMovement: The Art and Practice of Yantra Yoga - Chogyal

NamkhaiNorbu,FabioAndricoYoga&Ayurveda:Self-HealingandSelf-Realization-Dr.DavidFrawleyHealingtheShamethatBindsYou-JohnBradshawTheYogaSutrasofPatanjali-AStudyGuideforBookII(VolumeII-Sadhana

Pada)-BabaHariDassThe12-StepBuddhistPodcastalsooniTunesandSpotifyAmazingTibetanincensefromtibetanincense.com(tellhimIsentyou)

Acknowledgments

Firstofall,Iwouldliketothankmyreaders.Iwishyouhealingonyourjourney.Iwouldalsoliketomentionthemanyindividualswhopulledtogethertohelptoeditmybook forpublication. I cannot thankyouenough:CodyMarsh,AlanCalkins,AmyBaker,KyczyHawk,AmberCossGelwicks,RickStenquistandSarahHaynes.

AndSheba.

AboutTheAuthor

DarrenLittlejohnlovesdogsand lives inSanDiegobecause it’ssunnyandwarm.Heteachesandpracticesyoga(physicalandotherwise)dailyandtriestolivealifebasedonprinciplesofBuddhism,yogaandrecovery.

Follow on Instagram for contests, fun stuff and personal photos@12stepbuddhist

VisitDarren’sAmazonAuthorPagehere.

AlsobyDarrenLittlejohnThe12-StepBuddhistKindleandprintTheYogaofSelfCompassion (Book IofTheYogaofTransformationSeries)

(Kindle)PerfectPractice(Kindle)ThePowerofVow(Kindle,Print,Audio)HowtoGainNothingfromBuddhistPractice(Kindle,Print,Audio)