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THE WINNING SAGEDecember 2010

Time for a Laugh BreakSome days I just want to sit back and reread my stash of funny phrases and jokes. No matter how often I read ‘em some still put a smile on my face and occasionally a genuine laugh. If this is one of those days for you to look for the humor in life’s steady stream of experiences join me.

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Some people cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Hospitality: making guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to

the trip.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually

another woman.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from mny isresearch.

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and thenproceed to tell you why it isn’t.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a trainstops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes awhole box to start a campfire?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

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Whenever I fill out an application in the part that says “if an emergency, notify:” I

put “DOCTOR”.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Women will never to equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they

are sexy.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and

asked for forgiveness.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear

them speak.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right-only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit

salad.

I wish you were SOMEBODY! so you could make a comeback.

CHILDREN! Tired of being harassed by your stupid parents? MOVE OUT, GET A JOB and pay your own bills while you still

know everything.

Just remember, if you’re ever in terrible trouble, I’m here. So don’t come here.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act

in public.

Whenever I fill out an

application in the part that says “if an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”.

HUSBAND, returning home from work, to wife: “Well no vague promises this time-I will

definitely get my raise when hell freezesover.”

LETTER FROM STUDENT-I’m trying to achieve a state of inner quiet and tranquility, and I’m considering taking a vow of silence.

Will this bring me inner peace? MY ANSWER-Although not talking will enhance the peace of those around you. It falls short.

I discovered somethingmore powerful than not talking when it

comes to quieting the mind--- -not listening.

LETTER FROM STUDENT - I signed up for a fire-walking seminar and I’m having

second thoughts. Is there anything I can do to make sure I don’t burn my feet? MY

ANSWER - It’s not uncommon for you to get coaled feet. There is one sure-fire

solution: Walk on your hands.

How many of you knew that the process of enlightenment can be summed up in just

three words? Ego, Egoing, Egone.

Happy Holidays and a Successful New Year,

Helene Hadsell

Happy Holidays!