The Unicorn Factory

8/8/2019 The Unicorn Factory

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The Unicorn FactoryThe Unicorn FactoryThe Unicorn FactoryThe Unicorn FactoryBy Anca Sovarosi


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ContentContentContentContent

Part 1

6Pitfalls of modern self

10Living in the now vs. Having in the now

13Projections

19Reality vs. Imagination

20Media

Part 2

24Dreams

26Purpose

27Moment that Mattered

27Resistance to change

28Listening to instincts

29Risks

30Mistakes

30Fear & Courage

31Value

33Reputation

33Perseverance

Part 3

36The One

38Love

41Relationships

44The Unicorn Factory debunked

46The Saviour Excuse

48Faith in Humanity


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Just Because


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Actually, thats more like it.


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Part

To make a dream come true, wake up.


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Pitfalls of modern selfPitfalls of modern selfPitfalls of modern selfPitfalls of modern self

Here we are.

Legacy of university grads, were the know-it-all, do-it-all, dream-it-all generation. Youd thinkwed have it all. And yet, were swimming in learned helplessness, we have the highest suicide,

depression, pessimism rates in history.

Ive been fascinated by this paradox for years, and Im anything but shy when it comes to star-ing the beast in the eyes. Our shiny modern self comes with pitfalls:

The competition handicap (believe its all a fight, when competition is but a smear of thebecoming process of this world. Dino-eat-Dino world forgets that animals adapt, form so-

cieties, nurture for their offspring, and most importantly, that the world is a symbiosis oforganisms living at once, and not one ruling all). Organisms coexist, they take and givefrom this world, and if we were to take a broader look at our world, our flora is far more

diverse than our fauna, the very hub of life. Are plants competing more than just coexist-

ing? Or is it a combination of both? Using evolution/competition exclusively to design

and understand life is as limited as using a bi-dimensional model to explain space. Waytoo many of us default exclusively to a two-axis world; we need to expand ourselves be-

yond it.

Self-regulation Man is not an island, were social creatures, and therein our weakness

& strength. Just because we can read it all does not mean we know it all. Our minds have

the capacity to reframe any moment and twist its meaning to the one that best suits ourinterest, sometimes with no regards to fairness, others people wellness or even our own

health. We became so confident on our ability to analyze, that we come to think we know

the reasons why people do what they do, are who they are, or why things in society are theway they are. What we accomplish by that, besides thinking we understand? We stop curi-

osity, which at human level is basic caring (I dont care what your photos show, how areyou doing today?); we fuel assumptions, which become facts in our minds (I remember

someone thinking my blog name, KungFuTango, was a statement about me, about fight-

ing, and treated me accordingly; its actually one of the most amazing memories, of my

first tango lesson); we rationalize our way into bending ethics, which may grant us what

we want outside society lines, but at what cost to our souls, hearts, whatever you want to

call it, our spiritual core? More so, I noticed two predominant techniques of self-regulation: stagnation and constant adaptation. Some people feel better staying within a

comfortable area, and stick to their core values, beliefs, favourite actions. Others aremore comfortable knowing they can constantly become something else, and stick to con-

stantly changing, mostly through imitating or experimenting. I dont think theres a right

way or a wrong way, but I have seen that extremes become unhealthy. Key is balancing

both, knowing which parts you like to keep in your core, which to keep changing. Know-ing to trust yourself, to process behaviour seen in others before blindly imitating, to trust


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yourself enough to experiment new ways of being and knowing your core will not beharmed if you dont like the results. Were just starting to grasp the reality of who we are

and what we can be come.

Projections Our ability to manifest emotions, intentions over all matter. We can in-fluence water structure by the energy of our mood. We can raise a child to discover thecure for cancer, build spaceships, grow a healthy crop, sing a crowd to tears, become a

wonderful father or strap dynamite across its chest. We, not others, not a singled out

family unit. We. The neighbours, the friends online, the media, the teacher, the people

talking on the bus. We can project our fears, or our hopes, our worst or our best. Andas individuals, we are projecting just as much of what we receive, sometimes just

transmitting what we absorb. Thats what makes finding your own voice hard, because

it may be whispering something inside yourself that does not match the projectionsreceived, and it will not match the expectations youre facing from others. Most end

up blaming (better said) justifying their results through life by referring to other peo-

ples projections, forgetting to mention theyre the ones responsible for filteringthrough. Weve started teaching our children to seek their own voices a few genera-

tions ago, yet were not passionate enough, were not convinced enough, and we have-

nt solved the other pieces of the puzzle: its not just the children that need to find theirvoice beneath projections. Its all generations, all of us.

Identity Is it possible that tendency to be true to ourselves may be taken to ex-tremes? Of doing the same things over and over again, fuelling the same thoughts? Be

yourself does not mean dont change. And yet that is exactly the expectation we have

from the people we like: never to change, or to change when we do, like we do. I like

you and I want to keep liking you, so the only way you can accomplish that is by do-ing the things I like. If you stop that, I will become disappointed in you. And if

enough people do that, I might end up disappointed in people overall. The most com-mon example I cold see is in the girlfriends group that separates once some get mar-

ried and have children and gravitate towards women with same situation, while single

girls tend to gravitate towards other single girls. Why is there uncomfortably to be

around a life long friend that goes through a different life stage than you? Its not nec-essarily that one changed and the other didnt, its because we expect comfort of iden-

tity, reassurance that our choices are the right ones, there are people like us out there,

and we want to re-confirm our identity by people who we hang out with. The way weinteract and expect other people to be is an impeccable mirror of how we see identity.

Its an expectation that projected on those around us is only limiting freedom of beingand expression. Of course, understanding this does not mean becoming empty vesselswithout identity or constantly shifting, but the opposite. We need to learn to under-

stand ourselves better, much, much better, to the point that we dont feel threatened

when our bodies, minds or hearts are in the presence of different people.


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Beta-dictionaries. Were updating live our slang, our technology, but we are still tofully update and integrate our core life definitions. We all play a part in our collective

wisdom, whether we bail or adapt is our choice. And questions like: what is success,

how we define an accomplished life, win/lose illusions, how we love, how we buildour relationships, how we take part in our world, treat our fellow humans they all

evolve as we are. We need to do that not by segregating from the rest of the world, butby paying attention to our generational journey, and incorporate the wisdom carried bythose before us in the new ways we will define our lives.

Forgetting the heart Our very core, our emotions, our soul. And yet how much do

we invest in teaching ourselves to respect and take care of it, compared to the time we

invest in acquiring knowledge, building careers, fashion, technology? Its not really

the time invested that worries me so much, but how it ranks in our everyday life as apriority. Between money, succumbing to peer pressure, compromising for career/

success and being true to a set of common values, what do people choose first? And

most importantly, why? Knowing that a person will get over having their heart tram-pled, does that justify walking over it in the first place? Canada recently modified sex

education to bring basic knowledge starting with fourth grade, and that is great. Myquestion is, do we bring basic ethics and values within the same curriculum? I dontcare it seems higher on Maslows pyramid, what if he was wrong? What if its not a

pyramid anymore, where you only get to the next level if you have enough of the pre-

vious one, what if its a needs circle that isnt complete if we do not allocate the sameattention to all areas? Fourth grade sex ed. is great, as long as we dont forget to teach

them about compassion, overall wellness, ethics, kindness, making choices, confi-

dence, empowerment, sharing, etc.


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Selfish logic. I just dont get it, anyway you apply it, you still lose.

Entitlement is not that high and mighty, because made our minds play reframing games toget the things we want, or devalue the things we could not get as un-wantable. Selfish logic

expands even beyond things, into concepts. Fairness, once meaning what is equal to me shouldbe equal to you becomes in selfish logic more important that human ethics: if I had to break myvalues to achieve something, its only fair that you have to break yours too. It has little to do

with the principle of fairness, and everything to do with the customized, personally reframed

understanding of fairness: bringing the external world at the same level as you, regardless ofwhether uplifting or lowering it. Being fair to whom? According to whom? Whenever we fail to

see the bigger picture beyond ourselves, and devalue people, principles to fit our own model, we

lose because we only confine the outside world to give back to us only on our limited terms.


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Living in the now vs. Having it all nowLiving in the now vs. Having it all nowLiving in the now vs. Having it all nowLiving in the now vs. Having it all now

The best ferry ride is always the one you are on right now.

Todays ferry ride might not be the most luxurious one, might not have the most gor-

geous views, or best prices, and if you keep comparing it to past, or standards youve read inbrochures, heard your friends talk about and seen in movies, you might end up thinking its a

horrible ride. Yet if you drop your mind and forget all the standards you think theyre supposed

to be there, you might find the ride has old fashioned details, a cute cafeteria, interesting peopleto talk to, and even that discount coupon for the show you wanted to see tonight. The best ferry

ride is always the one you open up all senses to.

The gift of our present is not the things we get or the experiences we go through, but on

how we open up and allow these experiences to affect and give back to us. In every moment a

door opens to all possibilities.

Really? Really? I remember reading phrases like this endless times and never quite get-

ting it. What door, to what possibilities? Im opening my door right now, but I still get a limitedset of options, so it cant really be all! Thats bull, fluffy things a motivational speaker would

say to get your money. Heart beats a little bit faster, you hope for a while, and then end up back

in the same reality. I know better, these silly things dont work! If I open my door itll be a

salesman, a neighbour, that convict thats been loose in my neighbourhood for weeks now, orthe friend I just called in. Thats pretty much it.

I used to think like that, even if not admit it. You might think like that. Almost want to believe,

but in the end not really. Well, almost aint doing it. If I believe only a limited number of peoplecan knock on my door, then even when the neighbour knocks I will see only him, and limit my-

self from seeing the woman biking on the other side of the sidewalk, carrying fresh cookies


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Lets not approach this with just a few dimensions, like career, health, love, relationship,community, dreams. Lets not forget character. Lets not forget the heart. Having it all now may

satisfy my ego, my needs, but what will it teach me in the long run? That things are simple.

How will that affect me when Ill hit a rough spot, if all Im thought is that things are simple?Will I know how to fight? Work hard for something? Will I stand tall, or will I start compromis-

ing pieces of me, one by one, so I can keep up the fantasy of having it all now?

Living in the now, if approached with all dimen-

sions of life, aims at the core of each moment,

going beyond their faade. Not all meant to im-press is impressive, not all hidden is worth dis-

covering, not all in your face is obvious. Some

moments like to arrive hollering, over-hypingawesomeness around them, so as to convince

there is more value than the fear they dont.

Some like to keep you waiting, as if their simpleexistence is not truly wanted. Some moments

wrap themselves in smoke and lies, for fear the

simplicity of their truth is not interesting enough.Some like to sneak up on you, fooling them-

selves that is an accomplishment to take you by

surprise. and then, there are those moments

that just exist, straight right in front of you, sim-ple, truthful, right and silent, so obvious that the

energy of their being is enough.

In tango we call them imperceptible moments,which are not obvious to the spectator eye, but

merely to the one dancing, where suspension andeasiness merge into natural flow. Steve Jobs

called them connecting the dots. My twelve year old niece, when things make sense. Impercepti-

ble moments are when you open all your receptiveness to the present, and experience with all

your core being aligned. Its when mind shifts happen. Take an imperceptible moment and actupon your mind shift, and thats when miracles happen!


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ProjectionsProjectionsProjectionsProjections

Heres another myth to debunk. Were not alone. one of us, ever.

(except that guy with Wilson volley ball on an island)

Somehow we invented this notion, and over-hyped into negativity. Were constantly sur-rounded by humanity, by other people projecting their thoughts, wishes and agendas out there.

Every now and then those projections land on us, sometimes we even invite them, when we pick

a book, see a movie or engage in conversations. Through all these projections we need to figure

things our by ourselves, yes, but that does not mean were alone.

I figured some aspects of life out on my own, when I smashed on the floor, or

cherished a moment of clarity. That does not mean I figured it out all by myself.Inside me I had working the endless love of my mother, scrupulous work ethic of

my father, relentless faith learned from my brother, the passion for learning of

my first grade teacher, zest for free thinking from my awesome high school lit-erature teacher, playfulness in social experimentation from my university guru,

speechless business ethics from my bosses, kicks in the brain from unexpectedjourney partners, hearts from as many as I could encounter (especially in friends with unlimitedpatience and understanding for my bursts of life), and as much knowledge as I could absorbfrom countless thought leaders: Tony Robbins, Bruce Poon Tip, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Paulo Coelho,

Deepak Chopra, Maryann Williamson, Jim Rohn, Bogdan Mihalascu & Youtube

geniuses: ProfmTH, Evid3nc3, Theoretical Bullshit, Nutrition by Natalie just toname a few. I figured out things on my own, but definitely not by myself. All these

incredible people made sure that I am not alone in this. I had a whole army on my

side, and so does each and every one of us. And I feel grateful for every positive,

creative, loving projection that reached me.

On the topic of aloneness being a concept we invented and overhyped, alienation

is something we do not pay enough attention to. The more we try to reach andconnect with each other, the more I see people around me feeling alienated from

others, lonely, myself sometimes too. I believe its because we have a descrip-

tion of how being connected with others should be like in our minds, and some-how the way we live our lives fails to match that expectation. Thats why maybe

even if I have over 300 online friends I still cry myself to sleep alone, even if I

feel people clicking on my blog I still feel alienated when my inbox is mostly spam, or when Icant remember the last time I received a phone call, even though I make plenty each day.

Thats why we spend our lives seeking people like us, because connecting to them feels natu-ral, feels like something we know and can do. Ill touch more on connections later in the book.

That being said, sugar, spice and everything nice projections are not the only ones that

come to touch you. There are plenty of mean, nasty, ugly things out there that get to you, inten-

tionally or not. A teacher that calls you stupid because you did not memorize what you weretold. A boy that calls you names because you did not give in when you were supposed to. A

boss that calls you incompetent because you exposed one of his mistakes. Friends that call you a


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loser because you did not win what they would have wanted to win. People that call you achicken because you did not do what they dare not do.

Wait a minute! How much does it have to do with you and how much with themselves?A closer look can help debunk some of the pressures around projections.

Friends, family and their agenda. Yes, its true they might have their own agenda, ofcourse they do! Dont you? The only reason their intentions over you may become frus-

trating is when they seem against yours. Ive been anguishing a long time feeling used,

restricted, imposed, misunderstood, or simply fighting. Not necessarily knowing what for

except freedom, but clearly knowing what against. Until one day, when I truly understoodthe power of love. No one around you hates you. In fact, almost everyone loves you. And

those who dont love you yet, simply havent found a way to love you. At the same time

you want love, so does everyone else. The only conflict appears when is between lovingsomeone and being loved back.

When I understood that everything everyone does is about love, feeling they are worthyof receiving love, feeling they are capable of giving love to somebody, all my pain went away.

And what do you know? The anguish, frustration and conflicts went away too.

Too much pressure to do something you dont feel right for you? Stop fighting it, its not

because they want to control you, its how they know best to express their love. Thank them for

their care, and do what you think its best to do. It does not feel like they have your best interests

at heart? Maybe they are asking for love, humanly love. Stop fighting it, thank them for theircare, tell them how lucky you are to have them in your life, and consider their point of view

without feeling you have to give into your position. Theres always time to make a decision, no-

body will ever pressure you when you show consideration, but there is never enough time to

show love. If you dismiss them, you dismissed their gift of love, according to the best of theirknowledge. In exchange, you gifted them with the feeling of not being a parent good enough, or

a friend loving enough, which will end up feeding doubt, regrets, and create fear next time theywant to show love to the best of their abilities. If you choose to acknowledge their love, not only

they will back down, or be willing to understand your points of view, but your loved ones will

support you, sometimes without understanding. Why? Not because they agree with you, or be-

cause its really the best thing. Its because both, on a deeper level, acted out of love. Even with-out accepting their agenda, by showing consideration, you accepted their gift of love towards

you, and gifted them the feeling that they are a parent loving enough, a friend supportive

enough, that they have a point of view worthy enough. And once you start being at that level,people will respond at that level, trusting, understanding, supporting. Its never about whos

right or wrong. Its about meeting the other in love and figuring a way out together without fear-ing you will lose out. Its about being grateful to each person that touches you in love.

Theres no need to become a boring thanking machine. All is ever needed is understand-

ing it in your mind, at the core, whenever you sense tension between you and close ones. Under-standing is the first step in activating love, towards other and yourself, in your response.

Everything that everyone does is somehow related to love.


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You deserve it fakeness. Of course I deserve it! Doesnt everybody? That phrase reso-nates in principle with equality, and the right to pursue happiness, and with unicorns

roaming free in fields of rainbow. Beautiful, possible, and with enough effort and technol-

ogy, doable. However, it only stands true when youre embracing it with all your dimen-sions aligned: your heart feels its right, your character can only grow from it, and it will

enhance you and those around you in moments to come.

Simplest example of how easy is for immediate satisfaction to trick you into it? Try go-

ing out with girlfriends after a week of dieting. All youll hear is: Come on, have some cake!You worked hard, you deserve it! You gotta learn to live a little, enjoy life a little! Dont be so

strict, is not good for you You deserve it!

What if I am enjoying my life already? What if I feel morealive than ever? What if I dont feel strict? What if I feel

like proving to myself for once in my life I can win over this

cake? I ate plenty of cake before, Ill have tons over thecourse of my life why is it so bad for me to turn it down?

I can have fun drinking tea and chatting, laughing, without

eating that cake. Question is, why cant the rest of the tableenjoy theirs without shoving it down my throat?

I deserve it. Yes, I deserve the whole damn cake. So do millions of starving children

around the world. But at this moment in life I feel I deserve the satisfaction of knowing I accom-

plished something else, like buying a little dress a few weeks down the road, just to see myself in

the mirror with it and returning it back. Thats all.

Most of the you deserve it youll hear come from outside voices. Media, friends, peergroups. You might hear them even when youre shopping alone, coming from commercials,

from conversations and things seen at other people. Silence them and hear your own voice, andwhen you align all of yourself to it, youll know exactly what you want and deserve and what

not. Saying yes to some things and no to others becomes easier.

The Winning illusion. On the same page with the deserving lines. If you know whatyou want to win, you feel it is aligned with your values, know what you need to do for it and

are willing to do it, go for it! The win is yours to take!

What about the things youre not so sure of? Like staying at that job that demands youcompromise your values for a pay check, or accepting a relationship that is not all you hoped it

would be, winning a jackpot that only asks you bend your ethics a little (if theres such thing),or the simple dares your friends sometimes make you do? Come on, you can win this!... Winwhat?!? Whenever the voice of peers become greater than your own, do you listen or do you

search for your own meaning of things? Win what? Money over backbone? Almost what I can

be as a woman over confronting the fear of being alone and having patience to become all Iwant to be as a woman? A man I had to tear apart and devalue as a human being in order to get

him in my arms? All I have to do is stay strong when I feel losing being projected on me, and

listen to your inner voice before paying attention to the other ones.


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The winning illusion doesnt hold when you align all of yourself to it, your past self,your present and your future self, the one you want to create. Thats when winning small

things fails to shine in comparison to the character price youll have to pay for it. I am perfectly

ok with seeming a loser in my friends books, or in front of the world at large.Losing what ex-

actly according to whom? I may win something in the short or long run, but in the end it is my

mirror that I have to face, and the one that watches me back proud or ashamed of what Im be-coming along the way.

That being said, this does not weaken the winning mentality. It polishes it, giving it

depth, focus and enables one to act from an energizing, empowering inner place. When you pur-

sue winning something that is not aligned with your entire core, the part of you fighting will

drain your resources. Forget about either mind, heart, health, character, and it will become ashadow inside you sabotaging the very essence of what you are trying to win, in an attempt to

get your attention back and restore the equilibrium of your entire being. Thats why many of us,

when we get something we want, wonder: is that all there is? There has to be more than thisDissatisfaction does not come from reality having less value than we imagine it has, but from

our inability to enjoy reality to its full and complete value by not being aligned to it completely.

Youre incompetent trap.At one point one of my favourite myths to debunk. Ive been told a couple of times in

my life Im incompetent. Interestingly, only by people Ive built a rapport with in time, never bypeople that were assessing me. And interestingly, it never came up in a clear workload, where I

would put all my energy and focus and produced results. It always came up when I would listen

to my own inner compass and somehow didnt play by their rules. Or didnt play in their game

at all.Its quite simple. A gifted leader would understand incompetency simply means not de-

veloping enough skill or understanding of the system youre dealing with. And gears you to-

wards overcoming that. For the ones that guided me through my incompetence and thought me

how to be a leader on top of that, I am deeply grateful. An ungifted boss will not see the oppor-tunity, instead will use the very word to bring you down, cause insecurity.

Whenever someone calls you a devaluing word, be it incompetent, stupid, etc stopyourself for a minute and think, what is the purpose of that name calling? It can either be bring-

ing you down or pushing you forward, to do better, to try harder. Shame on the person that tries

to bring you down, it is only to make themselves feel better by bringing you to the underground

level they feel at. As for the pushing you to do better, shame on them as well for not havingenough common sense to push you towards your potential in a less degrading way.

Dont ever let anyone call or make you feel incompetent. You want to do something? Go

do it. Youre not competent enough? Go build whatever you need to pass your own tests. Go!

Labels vs. LoveAhhh, the very sound of the word makes my heart tingle and float towards the ceiling.Who doesnt love love? Who doesnt want to have love? I know I do. And when Im going on a

date or just meeting someone, I am hoping for the kind of love that I want, and my partner is

looking for signs of the kind of love he wants. The forever lasting love is not a myth, it exists. Itdoes not come from the commitment to stick together like ball and chains, it comes from the

commitment to give today every chance to last, to give your best in a relationship and have the

willingness to make things work, each day.


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An interesting phenomenon in this day and age is the projection of labels when the un-derstanding of love does not match. I feel loved when someone wants to connect with the real

me, wants to know me beyond appearance to the point that they will treat me as their partner, as

a best friend, someone worthy of exchanging points of view with, as their ride in this life, astheir vanilla lover, as their kinky lover, as everything. And Im aware this comes with time.

Labels I felt immediately imposed on me: hard to get, too picky, stiff oh man, thelist goes on! The society has understanding for open relationships yet as a single woman, I have-

nt seen many benefits of that for myself, for my life. Men already in a relationship would ap-

proach me and project expectations for only one of a few of the aspects of love that I crave in-

side of me. If I would not warm up early enough in our interaction, they would wonderfully la-bel me as bitch, frigid, boring, un-wantable need I go on?

What is the final purpose of labelling someone like that? If they would have cared forme even the least they would not bestow this kind of energy on me. The only purpose of such

labels is to get you to react how they want you to react. And that, my lovely human friends, is

anything but love.

Love can never be taken away from you, it has no limits. It is the very driving force of

life, it is the fuel that gets me up in the morning. Is seeing and treating your fellow kind with theunderstanding, kindness and compassion, with the overall interest you would want to be treated

yourself, even when the core needs that drive it are not understood. Finding a partner in this life

to share love, a slightly different journey. In which sometimes you encounter people that just

dont know how to treat others better. Dont let labels thrown upon you steal away from yourwonderful journey of love.

Statistics = snapshots of past.

Today youre creating the future. Why use the past to predict it badly? I always won-dered when I saw we use statistics to define our present, and sometimes predict the trends in the

future. A statistical information is only a snapshot of the past. Even with real time information,it still only tells you the present. Whether we want to continue it or change its course its not in

the statistics to decide, but in our own thoughts and actions.

Heres two possible scenarios where using statistics as a predictor or reality validator might not

serve you well.

Reality A. Jim is a single man, age 34. Hes has complexes about his modest job, modest ap-

pearances and a certain pessimistic view of the world, ending most of his conversations withThats the way it is. He would like to meet someone, but is aware that the divorce rate has

gone up, and most couples dont make it. Thats the way it is!. When he meets Diana, a 35 yold secretary with a broken heart, he will approach the relationship, yet cautious. When theyllhit the boredom plateau, or fights, or trouble, what is the most probable course of his actions?

Give his best, do whatever it takes to make it work and bring the love back, or try a few times,

and when it crumbles, feel better because it was in the statistics anyway he did his best, butthats the way it is?


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Reality B. Jim is a single man, age 34. He has a modest job and modest appearances but plenty

of things hes enjoying in his life. Hed love to meet a partner and change his loneliness. He is

aware the divorce rate has gone up, and most couples didnt make it in the past decades. For asmuch information that statistic has, were living now in a world that changes every day, and if

he wants something to make it hes gonna have to make it. When he meets Diana, a 35 y. oldsecretary with a broken heart, he will approach the relationship open. Anything can be fixed, sohes willing to help Diana rediscover her heart. She teaches him how to express his. In time,

they build on a solid foundation, and teach each other how to express love, how to open up to

receive love. When they hit the boredom plateau, or fights, they already have a history of count-

ing on each other. He does not know the way it should be today, or what it will be tomorrow.All he does is approach it with open heart, and find a way to make today work.


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Reality vs. ImaginationReality vs. ImaginationReality vs. ImaginationReality vs. Imagination

Imagination is amazing, no doubt about it!

Whenever I think of Jules Vernes describing thetrip to the moon or under the sea in details ahundred years before it actually happened, I get

trembles. What better fact, historically proven

then this that we are changing our lives with ourimagination?

And as awesome as it is, reality beats it by far.The thrill of every mind reading Jules Vernes

over the course of a century paved the way for

the excitement of an entire world as we landed

the moon. Imagination open the road for an en-tire mankind to be in awe. Imagination should not have an escapist role in life, its an achieving

role.

Looking at our collective mindset, oh my! Havent we come a long way! From the way

we write to the way we think and imagine. Just look at our view of some fears, as pictured in

movies, the fear of being conquered by aliens: from Alien and Predator type of aliens, nasty en-emy creatures that just want to eliminate us, to War of the Worlds scenarios where the enemy is

smaller but so much meaner all the way to finally coming to break through a new thought,

that we might co-exist with whatever comes at us, as in District 9. Way to come along, human-

ity, hooray!

Speaking of stories and movies - is no longer a secret that theyve become the main crea-

tor of our collective subconscious, along with music, and more recently, social media. With thatbeing the case, its exciting, frightening and an overall burst of emotions to realize that we do

not have enough projections out there of our world being saved, or sustainability working. I see

wondrous smaller scale productions, entrepreneurs or all kinds making an impact, but from thehuge box office kind, how come we see only a few saved, most sacrificed, how come the most

seducing story is that of depleting our world or resources enough to make us want to leave our

bodies for some other world? How come there are so many desolating movies about a sombrefaith for humanity, swimming in desperation and somehow showing a smear of hope? Werebetter than this humanity; we can do much better than this! I want to see the incredible love

story between a solar energy specialist and biologist while theyre changing the way we growfood on our planet, I want to see the epic tale of a high school classroom putting their effortstogether for an entire semester to raise money and build a few wells in Africa, I want to see the

documentary where for one day every person on a ship is asked to give without expecting any-

thing in return, and all the implications that come from that, I want to see more movies that de-pict the excitement for the future that cartoons have these days! Man, is it ever exciting to be a

child in our times! Lets make it exciting to be an adult again, too!


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Another thing I noticed is the tendency for expecting consistency from others. If I like totalk using my own words, I find people interpret me literally whenever I use metaphors, as if it

were a black or white matter. With other people that like using metaphors, I found myself trying

to seek the deeper meaning beyond the simplest of sentences, because I developed the expec-tancy they always have a second meaning in there. This links back to the need for consistency in

identity in us and others, and with the antique perception identity has one or few dimensions.How about having the courage to be yourself, despite of social media? Put your own

ideas out there, in your words, your emotions, and directed to the person it was meant for (if).

The price for having 850 social friends not like you is sometimes worth it for the freedom of

you liking yourself. We did not spent thousands of years to evolve from sitting in a cave, watch-

ing shadows on a wall into people that sit in caves, watching shadows on a screen. Lets hopewe dont become shadows.

Emotions and reactions.Music is emotion. Colours are emotion. Peer love or hate is emotion. We use them to

express ourselves, and receive others emotions through them. With social media you might find

yourself overwhelmed with others words and emotions, flying all over the place, some of them

requesting your response. If you have a strong emotional presence, you will trigger it in yourpublic, and at the same time others will trigger it over you. Best advice in managing others

triggers to emotional response? Be mindful of your media entry. Your opinions, thoughts, mood,

etc should be defined before accessing media. If media makes your day, than media ruinsyour day. And guess what? Your negative emotions, scattered to touch other people, might just

ruin other days as well. This is not an invitation for having all rainbows and sunshine out

there just for more awareness on how we portray the unpleasant elements in our lives.

Dissemination of information

Even though internet and media is practically unlimited, it seems that we gravitate toward

a few limited portals: favourite news channel, favourite websites, favourite parts of a website we

like to see. When we attribute a value to something (valuable information, entertainment, latest

discoveries etc) we keep coming back to that place and associating the same value, sometimeswithout processing.

Yet we need to do more than just absorb and use that information to relive the imitatingmonkey saga every single time. Just because we like a source does not mean stop processing

every single information coming from that source. Its not the websites or newspapers fault,

but ours, for gulping down or twisting information to sometimes lower our values instead of

strengthening them. We have reason. Lets make use of it.

Identity.

Just a quick thought. We seem to gravitate mostly towards social media, and define moreand more of our identity through those means. A word of caution: we are more than a profile.

We are more than a string of thoughts. We are capable of feeling much more than music, soundsand net emotions. We are capable of pursuing so many purposes and causes outside media orwith little connection. However we decide to take this journey, please take the following at ad-

vice value, as cold as it may seem (considering behind every link there are people): lets never

forget its just another tool we know how to use, and we make it, it does not make us. Lets con-tinuously find new and better ways to connect with each other, express ourselves and become.

Lets use it as a way to expand our experience of reality, not to limit us away from it.


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ew communities & impact on our human nature

We seem to spend a lot of time on several popular sites. We learn from each other to imi-tate really fast, forming communities and allowing them to influence our way of thinking, our

public opinion. Some notable pitfalls: Believing anything that goes there;

Believing irrelevant trash information will not hurt our mind, but it enters it, therefore

affects our vocabulary, our vessel; the overload of information can clutter our minds.

What would be our ability to create exciting future solutions if were constantly monitor-

ing everything? An even better question, how can we improve our ability to create excit-ing future solutions while keeping up with information?

Fast information = no time to seek deeper value or verify truth;

Anonymity breads irresponsibility; observed opinions/behaviours become acceptable, itmight be tempting to default oneself to the lowest common denominator of the community

instead of striving for the better in themselves.

Training emotional responses; sometimes people imitate behaviours seen or asked of them(e.g. locating someone). Can be a great behaviour modification if for the right cause.

Thats why it seems wise to think, process and choose how information affects your emo-

tional states and opinions/decisions/actions.

Identity can be stolen. I found that people would post things hinting at my persona, and a

whole crowd would hit me with an overload of emotional response. Even if I tried to keep

consistency, public emotional pressure would change according to trash info.

A strength is that it helps perfect and polish an idea, disseminates almost instantly.

Weakness that by formatting our minds in a collective way may limit the creation of alter-

native ideas. Can be overcome by active thinking and developing creativity.

Teaching us to become Trash miners. Mindset of seeking information, not of decision

what to do with it. Were seekers and reactors. If we want to build more exciting solutionsfor our world, we need to become processors and creators on top of that! Limiting reaction

as much as possible helps; of course, with the discernment not to limit all action.

Skewed perception of whats out there. Following people and companies can create a lim-

ited channel for news to enter your mind. Expand it and all of the sudden you have a dif-

ferent perception of the world. The limited channel keeps people conditioned in the same

type of news, and same type of emotional reactions.

How an information is presented online matters. When impartial, it helps rationalization.

When presented in an emotional format, encourages emotions. Various combinations and

ingredients can be found in the way information is presented.


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P

Dont chase your dreams run ahead and show them the


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DreamsDreamsDreamsDreams

What do you secretly dream of, in the back of your mind? What are those thoughts youkeep repeating in the unspoken corners of your soul, behind every single job and family duty

that state clearly such dreams should not be allowed? Postponing a week here, a few years there,until therell be nothing left but a vague memory, until no arguments seemed convincing enoughto move towards any big changes that would most certainly disturb such a convenient routine,

until you find yourself scavenging for arguments if that was even your dream?

The magic of dreaming is the surreal aspect, of keeping the thought behind your mind, not

bringing it forward, just taking it, tasting it every now and then, putting it back. What if Id tell

you its a mind trick, that somehow weve convinced ourselves that dreams are hard to achieve?It does not matter who started what, if society conditioned us to imagine being enslaved in a job

machine, and only imagine freedom in a few limited ways: travel, winning lottery, having eve-

rything we can think of, seeing the kids grow up, healthy and with their own families, owing

that bike, that boat, that expensive pair of shoes? Somehow we got stuck in this mindset, of liv-ing one life dreaming of another. What if Id tell you, my friend, that this very cycle is the one

that clouds our minds with petty wishes, and chains us to being unable to envision more solu-

tions to develop ourselves, more solutions for the planet, for our future as mankind? How? Ter-rifyingly simple. Take one of your dreams, and pull it completely from the swamp of thoughts

of fear, unknown that surround it, and bring it right in front of you. Hold your dream in the palm

of your hands, look at it, clean, clear. What would it take to make it real? Think of the actionsthat need to happen, not the ones that you cant see happen.

For example, to take two months off work to go traveling, think: save money, coordinate

with partner to get two months off work at the same time, decide whether we want to take thekids or not, find solutions for kids (if stay at home, if they come with us), obtain approvals from

work, clear two months, establish itinerary, find deal on flights, get insurance, pack, go, enjoy

travel, come back, get back to work, figure out next dream.

Most of us dont go that far, and get stuck in the things we find hard to clear out of the

way before even holding the dream clearly in our hands: my co-worker submitted a request for

three weeks off and got rejected, I cannot even dream to ask now, my partner will not want to

run double risk and miss both our incomes for the months away, I dont want to leave my kids athome but that means more expense and is it going to be a vacation, really, what if I lose my job

while Im away, what if Ill have bad weather while Im there, what ifwhat if Our dreamsget lost on their way out to happening due to self inflicted negative clutter. What if Id told you

that clutter is not the problem, is not the reason you cannot achieve your dreams, is not the thing

that were really scared of?


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Clutter is just the excuse we use, thats all. What were most scared of is that unknownplace in the back of our minds, where the dream habits. The dream planted by our parents, or

our friends, or by the moment you saw a fancy lady walking down the street as a child and

wanted to be just like that when you grew up, or by a scene in a movie where Pierce Brosnanand Rene Russo drive in a little jeep. That place becomes important as we go through life be-

cause we associate hope, freedom, being truly yourself, happiness, accomplishment, alive,loved we associate our most intense, alive human emotions to that little dark place where wekeep dreams locked under a swamp of excuses. And the question that comes up every time we

want to take our dream out and try to make it happen, the question that few dare face is what

will we fill that place with once we remove the dream? We accept a definition of enslavement

freely and we accept a definition of freedom related to that enslavement just as freely.

Pick a dream.any dream! You get to carv it!

Thats why we are afraid of making dreams real, we are cowards in front of the few littleexcuses we repeat in our minds about our dreams. Because we convinced ourselves that keeping

dreams there, in that almost-but-not-quite state, equals keeping hope within reach, in a place

where we know how to find it and access it. Because its easy to accept a pre-fabricated dream

than to face it become true in less than a year and have to face your own power and at the sametime your own failure in creating a bigger, better dream. Is much better to have a little pre-made

dream in your mind for a lifetime than have it come true, know you can do so much more andsee your mirror looking back at you in disappointment. Because its convenient to be able to

reach a glimpse of hope every single time you need it, like a jar placed in the same shelf in your

pantry year after year, much more convenient that removing it from there and having to find

hope in everything and anything, having to re-invent it every single time.

I challenge you to take those dreams into your hands, see them without the clutter of fear

and practice making them true, if only in your mind. I promise you, once you will have a tasteof it you will itch to act on it, to feel it in your toes, breathe it in deeply, and reach that second

when every blood cell screams with excitement: Yes! I fucking did it! I challenge you to facethe moment of emptiness that follows fearless, and to learn to make a new dream, a better one,and a better one, and a better one.

Once we will learn to turn dreams into reality faster, and we will learn to create worthierdreams, we will have developed the skills as individuals and as humanity not just to dream of a

better world, but to create it from our own will transformed into action. But of course, some of

you already knew that, for weve started a long time ago.


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PurposePurposePurposePurpose

One thing I never really could understand is boredom. Ive been called boring, or hear oth-ers name people or situations as boring. I never had that. Everyone has something interesting

inside them that I can find out, or connect with. A situation can have endless possibilities within

it, how can anything in this life be boring?The only time when I hit boredom was after achieving a dream. Ive been struggling for

months to gather the courage to quit my job, economy and all it wasnt an easy decision. Yet the

moment I dared to say the magic words and pay the loser price for my freedom, the weight of

the world lifted off my shoulders! For about a week or so. As soon as I hit the routine of havingno purpose besides choosing my purpose, no need to go to work in the morning, to do things I

dont want to do and then complain about them and have peer sympathy, all the little things I

did to fill in my time shifted very soon from being interesting or entertaining to plain and bor-ing. In a week they became same old thing.

Being bored out of your mind hurts, because the more I searched for other people and

things to make my life interesting, the more I failed. The more I failed the more blaming others,

circumstances and regretting became more and more familiar emotions. Theyre best friendswith boredom, because they share the same common ground: lack of personal will (intent) or

personal action, with the responsibility that tags along.

When you formulate an intent, and take action towards it, everything else disappears.Regrets, blaming, and boredom. Purpose and boredom are like each others kryptonite.


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Moment that MatteredMoment that MatteredMoment that MatteredMoment that Mattered

What is the moment that truly matters? All this saying about seize it when it comes, howwill you know? It took the slightest drop of love, the most amazing boomerang in my life to re-

alize every single present moment matters.

My family immigrated to Canada almost six years ago. Some like it, some miss Romaniamore than anything. It happens to a lot of immigrant families. After years of personal anguish,

my father finally decided to pursue a life back home. This is not an easy decision when youre

already retired, and your family seems to thrive on another continent. God only knows whats insomeones heart to make them come to such a decision. Whats most interesting is that in the

midst of all the anguish, of feeling well be abandoned, left behind, having too much responsi-

bility now on two continents, in the middle of all these thoughts so selfish at core, I called andwished him all the best, and assured him: Whatever you want to do, I will support you.. He

hang up, and we didnt really talk about it in years that followed.

Two years later now, he is living his dream, and a few months ago, when I was anguishingover quitting, traveling, and changing life completely by moving to another city, and I would

hear people call me irresponsible, unloving, lost, unsettled, or just cry, I received a call from

him. Whatever you want to do, I will support you.In one instant, the weight of the world waslifted. By one single action years ago, I was already living a different reality.

The only moment that matters is right now. Thats when people around you are trying tobe their best, theyre facing their fears, doubts, worries. Now is when your partner is giving its

best, when your children are challenged more than ever, your neighbour needs a smile more

than ever. The moment that matters is not in your past, and not in your future. Is just now. And

all you need is to access your love, your true love that goes beyond the fear of not being loved

enough, or the way you want it, beyond the fear of being abandoned, or unsuccessful, beyondthe fear of being played and used, and love the other enough to see the world through their eyes

and just be there for them, even when nothing makes sense.

Resistance to changeResistance to changeResistance to changeResistance to change

Ive heard it a thousand times before, change is not easy. Changing jobs, houses, friends,

body, wardrobe, changing your favourite drink is about comfortability, and an acquired pref-

erence. Yet all those changes were nothing compared to even considering changing myself.

Im an X-er living in a millennials world, and were all speeding in the rollercoaster that

bridges any generational divide. I worked all my life trying to find who I am, and when the tools

came out, expressing who I discovered I am, and now that I finally grasped something, I amsupposed to change it? What kind of cruel sick life prank is that? The most interesting part of

changing yourself is the false belief that you owe it to yourself to remain the same. Because you

worked so hard to getting there, because it finally feels good, because everything around youdemands YOUR identity.


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All this vehemence towards maintaining an external identity status quo with little concernfor the depth of it creates the expectancy of continuity. Change. Why do I have this thought

that if I have to change Ive failed, somehow I lost at being myself, as if I give in into some-

thing? Why do I feel that change means I must have been a bad person, since when becomingbetter implies the bad? Whenever I look around me the people who stagnated stubbornly into

some mindset are the ones who move/scare me most, so why the stupid thoughts? I want it, itfeels natural, and good, with all the failures sprinkled on the way. I liked who I was, yet just be-cause I liked it does not mean I have to be only that version of me forever.

Resistance to change comes from misalignment within you, which affects all areas of your

life: health, heart, friends & family, your own character & values. Not being ready to take all therisks, or unsure if this is the change you truly want. Resistance is not to be crushed, is to be lis-

tened to. Why are you resisting? Listen to your own inner voice, it may protect you down the

road, or even end up realizing the change was unnecessary. Just because change sounds excitingdoesnt mean all blind change is good.

Listening to instinctsListening to instinctsListening to instinctsListening to instincts

Where does your confidence come from? From the things you know aboutyourself and the world, from the experiences that build you when you act your curiosities, and

from expressing yourself. Every censorship mechanism controls either our access to knowl-

edge, to freely formed thoughts (curiosity) or the freedom of our expression.

It was a surprise to land in North America and learn the way systems work here. You want

to buy an apartment, you dont have access to all the building information until you actually

show interest in the apartment and make a deposit. You want a mortgage, the bank teller will

cheerfully disclose your monthly payment and the number of years, but not give you the totalsum so you can make a fully informed decision. So if I choose the easy payments I end up pay-

ing you over the course of my life over 500,000 for a 200,000 apartment, but if I bear a little dis-comfort and less years itll only cost me 375,000 in total payments? Why didnt you say so?

We think we have an advantage keeping information away. Even our courtship seems tobe based on that leave some mystery for later, youll get bored too soon. So we end up spend-

ing all our lives chasing information, we teach our children how to chase and get more informa-

tion, instead of teaching them what to do with information once received.

Curiosity never killed the cat. Ever. You want to know why? Instincts. If youre curious

about doing something, do it. You want to dress differently today? Do it. You always wonderedwhat it would feel like to try weird food, find a teacher in Indonesia and ask them about theirchildren challenges there, kiss a stranger, walk up to a bully ten times your size and show them

the finger, dress up all nice and dance until dawn, find someone that speaks no common lan-

guage and spend a day with them just to see how it goes? You want to walk into your boss of-fice and demand your raise, or quit and start that mom & pop shop youve always dreamed of?

Do it, do it, do it, DO IT!


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Curiosity, that brain restlessness that wants to reach out outside yesterdays thought, is themost incredible platform for your own evolution. Instincts simply regulate it, warning you when

your curiosity might put your health, your heart or your character in danger. Listening to those

inside voices will help you know which curiosities are harmless to pursue and which bringthorns.

Whether we have an idea of who we are or still try to define ourselves, self-expression isthe way we bring our knowledge and curiosities to the world. Its where we test and change

knowledge of ourselves, the world around us; its where we bring forth our curiosity and gain/

lose proof of how limited/unlimited we truly are.

If your actions or thoughts are nurturing or hurting, it will not be revealed by conditioning.

Girls dont do that, Its not professional to appear like that, People that like me dont talk to

me like that are meant to stop you only if you allowed outside voices to speak louder thanyours. Be careful, you might end up forgetting how to listen to your own voice. If necessary, be

willing to silence all other voices so you can hear the voice that truly matters. In that inner

voice, instincts will guide you towards the best combination of thought and actions, for yourselfand others.

RisksRisksRisksRisks

When was the last time you took on a real risk? No, not the going out in the rain withoutan umbrella kind, but a real,I-have-no-idea-what-will-happen kind of risk? When was the last

time you dare to cross over an invisible bridge?

Were smart. Correction, we think were smart. We think were so smart were trying to

analyze everything, foresee every action, and always choose the best for ourselves. Does it

work? Of course it does! It works in providing us with the best outcome our minds could come

up with. It works in stopping from paying attention to the language of the universe. It works inensuring that we know exactly how much effort will be required before we even start making

that effort. It also ensures that we dont put in any extra effort, so that we wont really find out

just how much more we are capable of.

Risk is nothing more than daring to allow yourself receptiveness to other stimuli than your

regular ones. Risking a new stimulus will lead you to a different result, good or bad. Try enoughtimes, and you will achieve enough bad results and enough good results to actually achieve

something. Oh, and in case youre wondering, calculated risks are not real risks. Because the

calculation only keeps you within a few limited parameters, not truly opening to the endless

possibilities of this world.


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MistakesMistakesMistakesMistakes

Treasure your mistakes like you would a God-given luxury. For there is no greater pris-

oner than the man who can make no mistakes. Treasure your freedom to try, to fail, and to keep

moving forward. The best way to treasure a mistake is to respect its power. Pay its price, learn

its lesson, and move towards a new mistake, thats how you ensure you dont get to repeat thesame mistake.

Mistakes are there to teach you, to forge you, and to protect you, by showing where you

weaknesses are. Mistakes are there to prove youre only a mistake away from succeeding, mis-takes are the best reason why you cant ever give up. In business, love and overall life, all prin-

ciples are the same. Making a relationship successful takes the same effort and attitude towards

mistakes as finding one: dont give up.

Fear & CourageFear & CourageFear & CourageFear & Courage

Fear is one of the best friends you can develop in your lifetime. If youre willing to talk

and listen to it, it will point out every single time youre on the brick of a change, it will show

you every single thing you hold dear to you and risk losing. Not a lot of friends know how to dothat.

If you want to know exactly what will be the price of your next risk, what matters and

what doesnt in your life, when fear knocks, open your door wide, invite her in, pour down sometea, and listen to what it has to say. Because after your battles are won, and your loved ones are

protected, you will want to find that fear again to thank her, but it will be gone.

Paying attention to fear does not mean youre a coward, is not the absence of courage.Courage is only real when youll act while embracing your fears. You might hesitate at first, or

lose some confidence if the fears become true after a few times. But dont let that bring you

down. If its fear youre worry about, talk to her the night before, but overbook your day with

courage! That way, you have already listened to what it has to say, but when it comes to ac-

tions, you will have no time left for fear.


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ValueValueValueValue

Have you ever bought something of value? Neither have I Stop trying and start creating!

When someone close to you is down, or unsure of themselves, add value! Uplift theirspirit, their belief they can improve, they can change whatever they want to change. Uplift their

belief in the goodness of people. When a co-worker has a weak day, feed their strengths, not

their weaknesses so you can get the promotion first. When one of the girls in your entouragecomplains about her boyfriend slipping away to other girls, strengthen her belief that her rela-

tionship can still work, help her believe in their love again, dont use it as an excuse to seduce

her. You may get her to break up with her boyfriend, but beyond that you succeed at devaluing

both of them and yourself as people, by weakening their faith in others, in human relationships,by making them feel powerless in front of love.

You are the decider of how much value you add to the things, ideas, projects, people in

your life. You are the one that decides if the love you have in your life right now is invaluable,and treat it as such, or if a past love is the only one that could ever bring you happiness, thus de-

valuing every moment spent in a love you consider not quite what you hoped for, because youare not acting, feeling and thinking in your current love like you hoped you would act.

You are the creator of value in your work. You are the one that decides how important thefax youre sending is, how important the report you complete is, how important the purpose of

your job is. Ever wondered why some people thrive no matter where and what, while others are

never satisfied of what they do? We all need to work, we all need to bring our contribution to

our world. The people who managed to add value to their actions, whether they liked their job ornot, are the ones that thrived no matter what. Those who devalue purposes, organizational sys-

tems, even the simplest tasks, will never really manage to acquire satisfaction in their work, notbecause they havent found the meaningful work yet, but simply that in time they have becomeprofessional devaluers!

Its easy today to criticise everything and anything, to spin words out of their meaning un-til nothing has meaning. Take the most inspiring leadership quote, and tear it to pieces, pointing

out that even Hitler was a successful leader, thus taking out the empowering value of a word/

quote. Its easy to take a human body and decompose it, and find flaws with the hair, the skin,

the breasts, the hands, the everything. Is easy to talk to a person and find out from theirwords, body language, what they want, what they care about and twist it, spin it, grant them the

very thing but at the cost of breaking them inside. Its easy to take a relationship into a marriage

contract and by thinking you are stuck to feel less joy, less will to be spontaneous, moregrumpy, less grateful on what your partner brings you, more focused on what you think you

dont have. Because if you place the only real value in a binding contract and take the value out

of each moment and interaction, you are devaluing your relationship to be exactly that: only acontract. Its easy today to devalue anything. Any idiot can do it, and most do. Idiots not be-

cause they dont get what they think they want, something the easy way, but because whenever

we allow ourselves to be such idiots were paying a huge price as humanity by devaluing our-

selves.


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We can add value to a leader by aligning it with ethical principles of our times, we are theones that can take any person, regardless of looks and make them radiate of beauty inside, we

are the ones that decide in the first place what is even considered beautiful and what not, nobody

else created those rules, we did; we are the ones that decide to wake up willing to be by our part-ners side, that decide to add value to the present moment and the present love by pouring our

affection, daring to be the lover, the friend, the crazy adventurous person we always dreamedinside ourselves we can be. A tricky excuse we invented to prevent us from that is the regret andfear towards past, the thought that if I love my current partner with everything I have, with all

my mind, energy and heart, than this must mean I did not love the previous one enough And I

loved them, but somehow I failed showing it as I should have, and because of this regret I am

punishing myself to love less in the current relationship. This is a mind trap many create overand over again, sabotaging themselves every single day. The trap is that is self-perpetuating. If

you dont love with all of yourself today, completely, openly, embracing with the enthusiasm of

a child, youre creating even more regret for tomorrow, or for the next relationship to fall in thesame pattern.

The solution? Discard any regret, if necessary contact a previous love, and say what you

need to say, help them overcome whatever regrets they may have, and give yourself everychange to immerse yourself completely in love NOW, today! Its going to take a while until

more and more of us connect inside with the greater, true love we are capable of, and lift up our

exes, allowing them to love completely, without past jealousy, emotional blackmail, needinessto see them tear away from their potential happiness to feel more miserable so we can interpret

that as a sign of being loved. It is a sign of being loved, and of a love so deep that will devalue

all three people involved to mend a torn heart.

Immersing in the now, and connecting with a love greater than the fear of disappointing aloved one allowed me to talk to my mother about our expectations from each other, our wishes

and hopes for life, and take our relationship to a higher level. After living years not feeling a

daughter good enough because I did not share her enthusiasm for church life, both of us cour-

aged up and opened up our regrets, models of life and confronted the fear ofwhat if I disap-point by thisthoughts? Yet by doing it, by allowing part of our weaker side to come to light,

we freed each other to grow, and discovered our mother-daughter relationship can be recreatedwith greater value, love and caring, every time we have the will to take action towards one an-

other supporting the others value and caring, as a mother, father, son, daughter, etc.

Yet Ive seen our hearts, my beautiful loving friends, and we are capable of so much

more, we are capable of a much greater, brighter, deeper love than we ever thought possible!The kind of love where you see the world through your loved ones eyes and heart, and release

their soul to immerse itself in present love, completely, without doubt, without remorse, with

only pure joy of being able to touch such place. Ive seen it, and were getting there, one trulyloving heart at a time. We just need a few pieces of the puzzle put in place.


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ReputationReputationReputationReputation

Going through the weight loss battle sure opened the doors of enlightenment on reputationfor me! Well, that and a most incredible home improvement boss. When I first hit the excite-

ment of having results and committing to a healthier lifestyle, people around me would adopt

various reactions, based on their own lifestyle and their impression of me (aka. reputation).From remarks like: Well, lets see how long this diet lasts, we know what happened to the other

ones, Yeah diet, but you only live once, right? We made your favourite recipe! all the way

to Well, if youre unhappy with yourself, do what you think you need to do. I for one, am happywith the way I am.

Depending on peer group, it took from 6 to 9 months of constant behaviour to change my

reputation in peoples eyes. To the point that people would come to my office to discuss fitnessexercises, healthy eating ideas and active lifestyle. I realized the true impact when I got so confi-

dent Id go from work after a few nights of pastry binging (for those that dont know, flour

makes you look a little puffy 8-24 hours after consumption), and people would congratulate me

for how much weight I lost since last week. Maybe it was the overall guilt, maybe not, but thatswhen I realized the value of a wave of reputation going on for you. You can have it, you can

ride it. But like any momentum, anything that you do that builds it will build it, anything you do

against it will slow it, and stop it.

Reputation will not stay with you forever, and you can change it in whatever direction you

want to. Depending on the crowd you want to reach, all in takes is enough constant action tofirst stop the pendulum going in the direction you dont want, and keep building speed once it

goes in the direction you want.

PerseverancePerseverancePerseverancePerseverance

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you then you win!

My favourite quote about perseverance has it all, discipline, hope, and most of all, resil-ience in front of intimidation. How long do you need to keep going? As Jim Rohn used to say

UNTIL!

Perseverance is easy, is a piece of cake when you know your path, but what about whenyou cant see in front of you? How do you walk the invisible path? When you cannot grasp at

anything around you, when you cannot see where your next step will be, how do you walk that

path?

I learned about walking the invisible path through my failed attempts to form a success-

ful relationship, when in one of my lows, realising I am 28 years old, and all the men interestedin me somehow chose someone else, when one night I faced the terrifying question: what if no-

body will ever be interested in me? What if I will spend the rest of my life alone, watching every-one else hooking up, connecting, loving?(in other words, what if this hope will never happen?)

That night opened a lot of dark thoughts, a lot of questions:


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- Maybe its pointless.- Whats the point? Nobody cares about me.

- Men will always choose anyone else but me.

- Where is the love in this world?- Life is disappointing.

- Maybe I dont deserve love.- You only matter if youre beautiful.- If that all love really is? Ethicless lust?

- I must be a failure. I am a human failure.

- Hurt its not worth it.

- Why, why, why, why, why?- Its so unfair

A dark night, indeed. I was lucky to have two events in my life that paved the way to getme out of that state. A favourite tale by Paulo Coelho, about people starting on a biking journey,

and slowly as they find different ways in life, friends start sitting by the end of the road, while

you find yourself pedalling by yourself, tired, exhausted, wandering if its worth it, wondering ifyou should sit by the side of the road as well. My second event was a depression the year before,

where being tired of pedalling alone for so long, I did sit by the side of the road, and it took

swimming through an entire hell of regrets for months until I was able to get up and start walk-ing in the direction my hope was leading me.

By the time darkness of doubt hit again, I knew what I mustnt do. Giving up equals death,

in any matter of life. But I had no idea what I should do. Since the dark thoughts seemed like apit full of lava calling for my mind, the only way out was walking on an invisible bridge. The

only way out of darkness is not to look down: look forward, move forward. In time, I not only

developed the confidence and unstoppable hope in the love and relationship I want, but in all

areas of my life.

Mastering true perseverance is not when you see the road ahead of you, is mastering

enough self confidence and relentlessness to move forward when you cant see. I could not seemuch in front of me for more than a year now, but walking the paths I chose and putting myhope in action is what paved my way. We need to grow ourselves fast as humanity, for our

challenges are many, and solutions need to pour for us to overcome them. We need to practice

our perseverance in front of invisible roads, and not fall off to dark thoughts about our future.Some days we might see a glimpse of it, some days we might not. But its not seeing it that cre-

ates the future, its the immutable, non-negotiable thought that we can create it that will make us

walk on that path and thus create it. Its the simplest thought that moves us FORWARD.


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P

What would the world be like if we, as humans, would not play so small?- Heather A


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The OneThe OneThe OneThe One

I thought the whole hype about the one was understood by now, but I keep encounter-ing people that just feel better tearing the concept down, so they can feel good when theyre not

giving 100% in a relationship. I, for one, love it. The one is the one you give a real chance to,

not half of a chance. The one you are a real friend for, you stick through thick and thin, you areconsiderate towards, ends up being your best friend. The partner you behave as a real partnertowards, ends up becoming your successful partner.

Same principle applies in all aspects of your live. The job you commit your time, energy

and passion to completely ends up being the job. The hobbies you give all your best to becomelong enduring hobbies. When you give your whole best, the end result is the best.

Its interesting to notice in this whole online dating experience how committed men, or

those not having the maturity to admit theyre not emotionally available, were approaching medesiring a relationship, yet only projecting some aspects of a relationship. If I did not feel com-

fortable and did not react as they wanted to, Id have the most interesting labels projected over

me: stiff, bitch, shitty unicorn, etc, and if by some miracle I would not give in and accept

half of a relationship the reactions would change: You cant love, can you? Love is uncondi-tional, you need to give it to feel it.

Well, if love is unconditional only if it meets his terms and criteria, its not uncondi-

tional. Its love the way he wants it. If thats the case, then theres nothing wrong with me be-lieving there is out there love the way I want it, as bitch as it makes me. This is not love, this is

adults playing sick semantics. What about me loving someone enough to respect their existing

relationship? What about me loving someone enough to realize that even if hes free his heartisnt? What about loving someone enough to point out weaknesses, or not push their button in

forcing them to stay by my side? What about loving someone enough as a person to respect their

decision to choose another girl, and still support them for a loving and respectful relationship?

No woman is ever an enemy, if were fuelling that as a mentality were only devaluing our-

selves.The one is the partner you treat considering all aspects of a successful relationship

with. It does not matter if its a fully committed or open. When you show interest in all sides ofa person, allowing them to become your friend, your conversation partner, your dreams and ac-

tions partner, your lover, your everything and they get to know yours as well, thats when you

succeed.We all know it. Together forever happens only if today is a successful together day. And

to make it successful, I need to give it all I have. When people start relationships based on half

interest, or having some needs secured in another relationship, project only remaining of needson another partner, you are accepting to live with only a part of yourself fulfilled in that rela-tionship. Single people, never feel bad for fighting a fight that feels good inside your hearts!

Speaking of relationships and internet courtship, a huge pet peeve is ambiguous communi-cation, and the continuous cowardification of people online. Boys would talk with me, and showinterest in meeting only if my the chances of guaranteeing affection would increase. In other

wordsyoud better not waste my time. What about taking the time to get to know somebody,

or just doing fun stuff together? As much as I can tell from a person online, they feel different,much more different in person, talking, feeling, reacting on the spot.


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For all the people out there complaining their partner is great, but not providing quiteenough, ask yourselves this: have you given them a chance to be that extra something for you?

Were you willing to see them with that extra pair of eyes? I havent met a single man or woman

that was not capable of being everything and doing everything for love: I see great fathers andmothers in every person I meet, potential for great friends, the deep yearning to be worthy of

being loved and capable of loving, the sparkle in their eyes for naughtiness. Its in every singleperson, its not those qualities that are lacking, but the willingness to see them.

Have you ever wondered why so many relationships were so successful in our grandpar-

ents generation, even if many were arranged? Is it because people were so great, or because theywere stuck, or is it because by being committed they were willing to be the one and treat the

other to become the one? Were not lacking the one material in our society, were every-

where. Were lacking the willingness to see ourselves and treat ourselves like that. Were also

lacking the willingness to help others grow to whatever needs and expectations we have, forget-ting we didnt grow as people by ourselves either.


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LoveLoveLoveLove

For months last year, I became intrigued when people feel loved, so I started asking,mostly strangers. When do you feel loved? An old man on a bus to Seattle, the first one I ever

asked that to, started crying: Besides being a boy with my mom, I dont remember feeling

loved... I thought I hurt him, and I let him be, until at the end of our trip he came to shake myhand and thanked me. Only he knows what for. An artist confessed she feels loved when shesembraced, or sees warm eyes looking back. A writer admitted he feels loved when he loves him-

self. A most gracious dancer said in tears she felt loved when after years spent in bed somehow

she got her health back, thats why she dances so alive.

Spend some time understanding yourself, when you feel loved. For people in relation-

ships, when does you partner feel loved? You might find out a lot about yourself or understandwhen you dont feel loved, or when you tend to react. Feeling loved is a human thought, little do

to with being love. Yet giving it time and understanding it unveils the humanity of our concepts,of our mental limitations, our different dictionaries about love, and in the endmakes it much

more easier to become love.

For example, I feel loved whenever someone is interested in me directly, talks to me,

sends me an e-mail, does an activity, uses whatever media to involve me directly. Opposite to

that, I feel unloved whenever there is ambiguity, such as phrases suggesting there might be af-fection, but maybe it isnt, missed connections, having their friends interrogate me to figure meout instead. Its not that I like certainty, there is no certainty when it comes to human feelings,

as a matter of fact its easier to maintain this so called attraction better through mystery and am-biguity, keeps the mind going, heart beating, yet not fully knowing why. Its the feeling of beinganalyzed, approached like a battle, like a pawn in someone elses chess board, like an objective

to be deciphered instead of a partner to be known and maybe to enjoy a part of this journey

through life, if not all, together.


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A few months ago I sent out a survey to my network asking them five simple questions.- When do you feel loved?

- When does your partner feel loved?

- How often does your partner initiate the things that make you feel loved?- How often do you initiate things that make your partner feel loved?

And, the most important one:- From the things that make YOU feel loved, how often do YOU initiate for others?

I was surprised to read so many answers referring to expectations from partners in givinglove, realization that many were not initiating enough on themselves, and little to nothing of the

things that make them feel loved. As if people that got to know each other at the beginning of a

relationship keep projecting the same ideas about the other throughout, instead of having a con-

tinuous will to know the person next to you, again and again. Are you the same you were inhigh-school, in university, before your first kid? Neither am I. What if wed be willing to under-

stand were all changing, and be willing to get to know the people in our lives again and again?

What if wed take more initiative in doing the things that make us feel loved, that we knowmake others feel loved? Im looking at our journey of love in the past few decades and I won-

der, what would our perception of love be like down the road?

Our species has long evolved beyond just reproduction. Were overpopulating our small

planet, our core consciousness has evolved as well. The purpose of each connection that wehave for some time now is about love.


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RelationshipsRelationshipsRelationshipsRelationships

Relationships come from our need to connect with other people, on a constant basis. Toform a comfort zone, where we can live and be ourselves. It does not matter whether intimate

relationships, friendships, work or family.

In personal/intimate relationships, it took a while to figure out a similar pattern in all themen I would be interested in or would be interested in me. After the warming up period, when

we would start to like and seem to gravitate towards another, they would take a side of them-

selves to the extremes. I didnt understand it at the time, and I felt rejected, inadequate, notenough , I didnt know it was a cultural communication issue. I thought it was me. The atheist,

changing from normal conversations to burning crosses and religious mockery. A year later, the

Christian, changing a pleasant hiking trip conversation from usual questions about faith to talksabout buying cans and moving to live far away in the forest when the Apocalypse comes. An

entrepreneur that takes his enthusiasm for revolution to the extremes probing me if I will sup-

port these extremes. Each time I was shocked by the position put into, being not that of connec-

tion, but almost verified against a checklist to see if I match. I am a flexible person, I seek theconnecting portal with each person, thats why they liked me. I didnt realize at the time that it

was because they were starting to like me, that all the extreme probing took place. I didnt pay

much attention to the checklist thought, it seemed too cruel for my heart to digest at the time,and I kept focusing on what I perceived I lacked and tried to better myself as a person and a

woman, so as to meet the right partner.

Until I started to observe the competition caused by open relationships between men andwomen and the changes in behaviour for everyone involved. In order to attract the mans atten-tion, women would feel the pressure to become everything he wanted, plus absorb aspects from

the other women, in an attempt to be all that and more. And because the need to feel love grew

Documents

The Unicorn Factory